What Will Others Think?

The fear of failing is the fear of what others will think. Find out more in this mini podcast.

Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

What Will Others Think?

You know, I think most of us can agree on this: one of the biggest reasons we fail is . . . we don’t start. The culprit? Inertia. We talk ourselves out of taking that first step because, in our heads, we’ve already decided it’s not going to work out.

But here’s the rub — it’s usually not the failing that scares us. It’s what we imagine people will think about us if we fail. That’s the fear that freezes us. We stop before we even begin.

Think about it. Let’s say you’re a terrible bowler. You went once or twice as a kid, and now somehow you’re at a bowling alley with a group of adults.

You roll your first ball — gutter. Second ball — same thing. And suddenly you announce, “Nah, I’m good, I’ll just watch.” Why stop? Not because you don’t want to improve. . . but because now there’s an audience.

If you had the whole bowling alley to yourself, you’d probably keep rolling balls down the lane until you actually got better. No judgement. No witnesses. No fear of failure.

It’s the same reason golfers look like champions on the driving range but fall apart on the golf course. No one’s watching on the range.

The truth is, the number of things we don’t even attempt because we’re worried about what other people might think? It’s staggering.

Why doesn’t the shy kid ask the girl to dance? It’s not just fear of the “no.” It’s the fear of everyone seeing the “no.” It’s the audience that terrifies us.

What’s really at risk isn’t the action — it’s our image. This polished version of ourselves we’ve created and gotten comfortable protecting. That imaginary image feels fragile . . . and we don’t want anyone to see the cracks.

And yet, failing? We do that every day. We’re actually pretty good at failure. It’s not new to us.

What actually stops us is the fear that people might discover we’re not the person we pretend to be — even if that person only exists in our own minds.

Ironically, the people who finally let go of that false image are the ones who start things more often. And here’s the simple math: the people who start are the ones who succeed. As hockey great Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

So here’s a question worth sitting with: What would you start if you let go of that imaginary image?

Chances are . . . the answer is, “There’d be no stopping me.”

All the best,

John