Compassion Without Coddling

Save your coddling for eggs is the theme for this week's Grasshopper Notes essay from John Morgan for the week of January 26th.

 Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Compassion Without Coddling

I believe one of the most effective ways to help someone move forward is to offer compassion—without giving voice to their excuses not to move forward. Translation? Leave coddling out of your toolkit.

Compassion is concern for the suffering or misfortune of others. In other words, you genuinely appreciate their situation. You see it. You get it.

But here’s where people go way off the path.

One of the most ineffective things you can do—once your compassion has been communicated—is to let someone off the hook for their behavior. Any phrase of justification you offer won’t provide a ladder to climb out of their hole. It just makes the hole deeper.

You’ve heard it before:
 “Oh, I know how you feel. Anyone in your situation would have done the same thing.”

Stop. That’s not helping.

As popular as The Oprah Show was, it was often guilty of coddling. And that’s because it gave people what they wanted: their behavior justified. A guest would share a tale of woe, a villain—other than themselves—would be created, and the audience would applaud, cementing that justification in place.

It felt good. For a moment.

But the relief was temporary. Because once the cameras were off and the show was over, the coddling wore off—and the problem was still there.

If you truly want to help someone, help them build a bridge from where they are to where they want to be. They don’t need more empathy; they need a way forward. Joining them in their pain just keeps them circling the drain.

Bottom line? Save your coddling for eggs—not for justifying behavior that will keep someone in the dregs.

All the best,
 John