Stop Explaining Yourself

This is a recommendation to stop offering a bevy of reasons for your behavior. Find out more in this mini podcast.

 Grasshopper Notes are the writings from America's Best Known Hypnotherapist John Morgan. His podcasts contain his most responded to essays and blog posts from the past two decades. 

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Transcript

Stop Explaining Yourself 

 Have you noticed how quick we are to explain ourselves?

Not just what we did – but why we did it.

And the funny thing is . . . those reasons almost never settle anything. They just open the door to more questions . . . more counterpoints . . . more back-and-forth.

Because here’s the naked truth: For just about every reason you give, someone can come up with another one to push against it.

And now you’re not talking anymore – you’re debating.

Somewhere along the line, we picked up this idea that we owe people explanations. That if we just find the right reason, everything will make sense and everyone will be satisfied.

But that’s not usually how it plays out.

If you want to see this in action, just ask someone “Why?”

You’ll get an answer. And then another. And then another.“What if . . .” – and just stay with me here – “What if you stopped answering ‘why’ with a reason?”What if you just answered with what you did?

“Why did you take bridge A?” “I took bridge A.”

“Yeah, but why?” “Because I took bridge A.”

It sounds almost ridiculous… but notice something: There’s nothing to argue with there.

The argument doesn’t live in what happened. It lives in the reasoning about what happened.

Now, don’t get me wrong – your actions still have consequences. This isn’t about avoiding responsibility.

It’s about noticing that reasons don’t usually resolve anything. They just stretch the conversation out until everyone’s exhausted.

We think a good reason will make things okay. But most of the time, it doesn’t.

It just invites the next “Yeah, but…”

Now, there are moments when a simple fact works.

“Why were you late?” “The bridge was out.”

That lands differently, right? Because it’s not spinning a story - it’s just pointing to something concrete.

But most of the time, we’re not offering facts. We’re offering explanations . . . interpretations . . .justifications.

And those are easy to pick apart.

So here’s a thought:

What if, instead of trying to explain your way out of things, you just stated what happened . . . and moved on to what comes next?

It takes a little courage to do that. Because giving reasons can feel safer – it softens things, buys time, keeps the conversation going.

But skipping the reasons? That gets you to the real issue faster.

Every action has consequences anyway. The question is – do you want to spend your time arguing about it . . . or dealing with it?

All the best,

John