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EPS 31 – Issues, Situations, and Challenges Faced by Lesbians Real talk on queer spaces, kind breakups, and keeping each other safe.

• Jerry Williams • Season 4 • Episode 31

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 Jerry welcomes Dalton and Melina for a candid, funny, and sometimes raw conversation about what many lesbians navigate day-to-day. From being ignored at gay bars and dress-code gatekeeping to why some lesbians feel safer in “straight” spaces, Melina shares lived realities that don’t get talked about enough. The trio also gets practical about relationships—hyphenated names, beneficiaries, insurance, and handling a mutual split with compassion. They touch on Roe’s reversal, pregnancy-test basics, and debunking sexual-health myths (PSA: don’t use food as lube). It’s an episode about respect, safety, and growing up without growing hard. 

💬 Have a question or comment? Contact Jerry here


UNKNOWN:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02:

Hello and welcome to the Pink Bunny Podcast and I'm your host Jerry Williams and today we've got a couple guests that are going to join me today. I have my husband Dalton. Hi. And we also have Melina here.

SPEAKER_00:

Howdy howdy.

SPEAKER_02:

So I invited them today because there's a few things that I think from a woman's perspective, I think are, is helpful to a lot of people because my experiences, Dalton's experiences are way different than your experiences, especially when it comes to, you know, being in the LGBTQ community and dealing with the public. You know, there are certain things that I think as men, we get a lot of, you know, take a lot of shit for. And it's different from women, I think. Well, I mean, especially lesbian

SPEAKER_00:

women, you know. I do agree in a lot of those different aspects. When it comes to... I do agree in that, 100%. And when it comes to a lot of lesbians, it's a back and forth. The reason why I say that is because we don't really get a whole lot from straight people. We get actually more from gays.

SPEAKER_02:

Meaning?

SPEAKER_00:

Meaning... I will have more of a confrontation when it comes to gay men than I would with any straight person. And that's why a lot of lesbians tend to go to straight bars because all straight men want to do is convert them back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, like they can.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. They can't. But that is a huge issue. And compared to if I was to go to a gay bar, it's more along the lines of like, ugh. lesbians.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you're

SPEAKER_00:

in my territory. Yeah, and a lot of times it goes to, like, I'll go to a bar and I'll try to get a drink and I will be the last one taken care of. No way! And I would be the first one at the bar. Are you serious? All the time. It's happened for, I mean, I've been gay for about, shoot, a very long time. Wow. Correct, since I was born. And yeah, so that's been a huge thing and it's really fun For me to actually go out of my way and bring random people because they're like, no, you're cool, you're amazing, you're this. And I'm like, watch. And I will literally go to a gay bar, especially in San Antonio or Austin or anything like that, and I'll go and there'll be 15, 20 gay men, all amazing, beautiful human beings.

SPEAKER_02:

Not all of

SPEAKER_00:

them. I mean... I'm trying to be nice. But then I'll sit there and then I'll be the last one taken care of.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that really sucks.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a very interesting thing to think about. Yeah. And you only really deal with it as being a lesbian.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, that's... I'm really disappointed to hear that, honestly. I did not know that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's why most lesbians, like, they'll go to the gay bars every now and then, but for the most part, they'll go to a random straight bar because... They'll get taken care of.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow. You know, I'm old. I'm going to be 62 this year. But I remember when, and I've told Dalton this before, you know, when I was coming out and going out, I don't go obviously as much as I used to, but beside the point, I remember when in certain leather bars, women were not allowed at all. At all. And if they were to try to get in, they would... come up with some ridiculous thing like, oh, you're wearing open-toed shoes. Oh, you have cologne on or perfume or whatever. It would be some reason to tell, to exclude you.

SPEAKER_00:

You don't have a handkerchief in the back of your pocket.

SPEAKER_02:

Anything. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that still happens. Like, we were just looking up that thing in Vegas, right? The other day, like, that Barb Dries or whatever the hell it's called, and they're saying, like, you can't wear jeans. Oh, well, that's a dress code. But I'm just saying, at the same time, they can find a way to not let you in because they're ostracizing you because they think you're ugly or whatever you're gay you're a lesbian you're you know

SPEAKER_00:

but when you really think about it like that happens everywhere like just another i think two weeks ago i went to a bar and they did not let me in what yeah it's because i had a i had my crow like my neck tattoo

SPEAKER_02:

and

SPEAKER_00:

and they literally went sorry

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you're a threat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Or who knows? I'm a threat. And I was like, that's body art. Like, I'm not. Was it a bar

SPEAKER_02:

bar or like a restaurant bar?

SPEAKER_00:

It was a bar bar. It was, what is that one bar? Downtown, I think it's San Antonio. Anyway, we don't have the name on it. It doesn't really matter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Because they didn't let you in, so why name them? Disappointing.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. They deserve all the people. Hey. Because I used to go there all the time. It was an amazing place. But, yeah, so they wouldn't let me in. And I was like, oh, that's weird. But that is also a normal thing. And that's why we just talked about, like, that's dress code. Yeah. It happens all the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, when you and your, I'm going to say your wife, even though I know that things are changing for you. She

SPEAKER_00:

is, yes, you're my wife.

SPEAKER_02:

When you guys would go out, did you also experience that same thing as a couple?

SPEAKER_00:

Or did people even know? It was really funny because we've been married for a long time. And in the beginning, it was very funny because I would say, hey, these are things that I've dealt with. Because she wasn't

SPEAKER_02:

as...

SPEAKER_00:

She was experienced, but she wasn't as experienced as I am. Okay. And so when we finally went out to the gay bars or whatever, I went, hey, watch this. And she went, what? And I was like, I'm going to be the last one to be taken care of. And it literally happened. And then she sat there and she looked at me and she went, are you serious?

SPEAKER_02:

Did that really happen?

SPEAKER_00:

Did that really just happen because you've been in the industry for so long? You're going to get tipped well. But you are willing to look at a person and be like, lesbian, I don't want to take care of you just because I'm at the gay bars and just because you're a gay guy. And I love gay men. Clearly, I'm on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I think it's because Caitlin hasn't experienced it because... Well, she did because she was with her. Well, she experienced it, but she hasn't experienced it because she's more not of the looking like a lesbian. Do you know what I mean? More feminine, so to speak, in her looks. Not... anything other than that but I feel like she hasn't experienced it before because like they're just like oh another little queen here on her bachelorette party get her drinks so she can go back

SPEAKER_00:

on the dance floor so you're probably saying like okay she's just a straight woman doing whatever she wants exactly when she's with me it's a different type of not to be

SPEAKER_02:

this may come across rude so correct me if I'm wrong but is there still a term the lipstick lesbian or is that not a thing

SPEAKER_00:

you know what I am old enough to know I have no idea oh okay what any terms are oh

SPEAKER_02:

okay I just remember that being a term back when

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know abbreviations through text messages I am 31 years old and I have no idea well

SPEAKER_02:

that's a good thing then hopefully a term like that just died

SPEAKER_00:

please just don't g Like, that's just weird.

SPEAKER_02:

Gotta go. I'm like, what does that mean? I don't even know what that meant. I just deciphered it for him. I went way over my head. I was like, Grand Theft Go? I really did not know what that meant. That's GTA, honey. I've

SPEAKER_00:

gotten to the stage where I'm just like, can you just tell me what you're thinking because I'm too fucking old for this shit. Just tell me.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, speaking of changes, you had mentioned at you know earlier when we were just you know chit-chatting that you were thinking about changing your name because when the two of you got married you adopted your wife's well you changed your name and you guys hyphenated hyphenated okay because like we didn't we kept our own surnames and just because we're probably too damn lazy to change it

SPEAKER_00:

but it is a huge huge So

SPEAKER_02:

in that respect, because you said that you might be changing it or you are going to change it.

SPEAKER_00:

So we haven't really gone through anything when it comes to divorce and all that. We're going to go through it. I've been having a huge debate on what I wanted to do. So back in the day, like. When my mom ended up getting a divorce, she decided to keep my dad's last name for a very long time.

SPEAKER_02:

So did my mom.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And it wasn't until... Well, she

SPEAKER_02:

still has it, and she's 84.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and it wasn't until recently. It wasn't until recently, as in a couple years ago, that she changed it because she got remarried. Oh, yeah. So it's a huge debate because... Social security lines are so long. I'm like, do I want to go out of that way or do I just want to float on the river?

SPEAKER_02:

When you guys got married, then how did you change it at that time?

SPEAKER_00:

So when we first got married, we both had a huge conversation. Actually, it was multiple conversations of what we were going to do next. At first, it was just going to be her changing clothes. Into my name.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

And then we went, okay, well, for mutual ground, we're going to do this on paper, but we're going to go by my name in general. And so we went through all of that process, and it was a very long process. It was a pain in the butt.

SPEAKER_02:

You didn't need an attorney, right? You just did it on your own?

SPEAKER_00:

I did it on my own, and I think that was the biggest pain in the butt. Why? Why that was the biggest pain in the butt.

SPEAKER_02:

But you did it in Texas. Do you think it would have been? I

SPEAKER_00:

did it in Austin, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

But I guess what I was wondering, if it was easier here, or is it the same everywhere? Maybe you don't even know.

SPEAKER_00:

I think when it comes to Social Security, I feel like they have all the same situations and rules because it's a government.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, federal.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's the federal government, so you don't really have a choice when it comes to stuff like that. And then every state just has where it goes. Luckily, when we were living in San Antonio, moved to Austin, that's where the Social Security was. So it was a lot easier for us.

SPEAKER_02:

Did you file your taxes married finally jointly? Yes, sir. And you put your full names and your new... Surnames.

SPEAKER_00:

All of it. Yeah. And it was a big pain in the butt.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Did you ever have any pushback from any entity or, you know, like, let's say, I don't know, you got stopped by a cop and he's like, hey, this doesn't match or, you know, anything like that?

SPEAKER_00:

No. Brightside, when it comes to everything that happened, that never was an issue. Okay. They looked at it and they went, okay, cool. Like, you're good. Anything like that, but luckily I don't get pulled over very often, so I feel like that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02:

Unlike me. Well. So when you, did you, I don't know, but did you guys do JLP or did you do something else?

SPEAKER_00:

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02:

Justice of the Peace or did you go through? Like how did you get married?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, so we had a lovely lesbian judge in San Antonio. Oh. That actually just got... You

SPEAKER_02:

picked her or...

SPEAKER_00:

I picked her. Oh, okay. You knew that. And the reason why I picked her is because she... She was an amazing human being. She was married. She's been a judge for a very long time.

SPEAKER_02:

You found that out on the internet?

SPEAKER_00:

I did, actually. And I'm also creepy, so I Facebook stalked her.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, were you specifically wanting that? That's what you

SPEAKER_00:

wanted to... And also, the one thing that I loved about this woman, and I can't really... I don't remember her name, which is a totally good thing, to be honest, but... When it comes to gay relationships in the LGBT community, she did it for free.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. Oh, that's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_00:

I didn't know that. Yeah, so our marriage was consummated and it was for free.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. So, like, when we got married, we did the JLP, and we went in. I think our judge was random, wasn't it? No, I picked her. Oh, you did, too? I didn't know that. Yeah, I picked her because she was the only woman, and I looked her up on the Internet, and I saw that she married a lot of gay people. Oh. And that she was very LGBTQI plus A friendly. Oh. And so that's the reason why. I mean, if you look at her wedding photos, she's posing. Like, come on, girl. So five years later, I'm just learning this. I told you that. You just forgot. god it's a lapse in memory it's okay yeah well I didn't yeah no I picked her oh okay I picked her for the same reasons exactly I just picked her because I was just like you know when she's not gonna have any issues like who's that little person I don't even remember her name that didn't want to marry the gay people once gay marriage got you know I don't even remember her name because I don't care to but let her yeah just go on her looking like a Karen Go home and make a sandwich. Exactly. Go have a Diet Coke. But, yeah, that's why I picked them. Okay. Yeah, I did it on purpose. I mean, there was a rhyme and a reason. Oh, all right, all right. I guess what the point I was trying to make is, you know, did you run across any kind of homophobia at that time because of two women getting married, changing your names in front of anybody? Did you guys... receive any pushback at all

SPEAKER_00:

so no actually we did not that's nice that is a very lovely experience and i've been out for a very long time and i've experienced a lot of hard situations and so the fact that you know when i was ready to get married to the person i was in love with and go forward it was actually a very easy transition which is really sweet because I came out a little bit before and during Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Yeah. And I've had friends that would just be pumping gas and got beat. And I've had situations where I've been jumped with a lot of people. What? Yeah. What? You got jumped? You want to know what's even more funny? What? I got jumped by lesbians.

SPEAKER_02:

That doesn't even make sense.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it does not. Were they

SPEAKER_02:

trying to rob you? No. What? You may not want to talk about it. I get it. It's a long story. Yeah, that sounds really, really effed

SPEAKER_00:

up. Yeah, but I've also been jumped by straight guys because I look the way I look.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you look great. I mean, to me, you look fantastic.

SPEAKER_00:

I work out.

SPEAKER_02:

That was funny. That was a good one. I try, you know? You literally worked out at me in my garage 20 minutes ago. Well, you know, I mean, not that... I guess what I was going to say, yeah, I remember the time that Dalton got punched in the head at the Whataburger and got knocked out, and that was fucked up.

SPEAKER_00:

That was a story that I think you actually sat down and told me. Oh, did I? I found that very interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it was a horrible experience. It's probably because I don't remember it because I was unconscious. Yeah, but from beginning to end, it was a nightmare. So that's something I really want to remember, but I will never forget it either.

SPEAKER_00:

There's no way of being able to forget something like that.

SPEAKER_02:

No. was scary really was scary

SPEAKER_00:

and it's it's you know we where we're at right now in 2024 it is a lot different it's a little bit easier especially living in austin texas and being where we're at and people are a lot more accepting but there are still situations that you get put in and you're just like oh

SPEAKER_02:

Well, not to get all political, but if that Project 2025 goes through, we are going to be in a different world, literally a different world.

SPEAKER_00:

Not just for our community, but for all women.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Period.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's going to be very hard.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, okay, that went over my

SPEAKER_00:

head. Yeah. Yes, I agree. I agree. That's going to be a very difficult time for all women and all LGBTQ and everything else, community. All of it's going to be very difficult.

SPEAKER_02:

How did you feel when Roe got overturned? I mean, how did you really feel? I

SPEAKER_00:

felt angry.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I felt angry because... Of course I'm a lesbian, and there's a lot of things that, you know, I can't just randomly get pregnant. But I felt angry for all women because it's hurtful. Like, why should you be taking away... A

SPEAKER_02:

basic human

SPEAKER_00:

right. A basic human right.

SPEAKER_02:

Especially when... It's your own body. Yeah. Like if men were getting pregnant, this would not be a thing. Oh, of course not.

SPEAKER_00:

And you want us to, you know, we have human rights and a sense of I could eat whatever I want, I could drink whatever I want, but yet I can't screw whoever I want. Because if I do get pregnant, you're going to force me to have something that I'm not willing to have. And the

SPEAKER_02:

whole no exceptions for rape or incest is beyond my comprehension.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think they said, like, within five weeks. I think it's

SPEAKER_02:

six. Yeah, but still. But, like, most people don't know they're pregnant.

SPEAKER_00:

No, you don't know you're pregnant until you're already in your, for the most part, when women, they don't know they're pregnant until their second trimester, and that's already past the five to six weeks, because you don't know it, you don't feel it, there's nothing in your body that really, like, it changes, but for the most part, you feel bloated and frustrated, but you don't know. And it isn't until you take that pregnancy test or you do those things where you just sit there and you're like, oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, how early will those strips detect pregnancy? Do you know?

SPEAKER_00:

Normally.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm sorry. I'm really ignorant. I sound stupid. No. Because I just really don't know. You have different

SPEAKER_00:

types, babe. And you don't want to know what's funny is I am gay, but I have done a lot of research on this because, you know, I'm a family of seven. And it's just a fun thing to look at. Like, I don't like to go to school, but I like to learn things. I'm a huge learner. And when it comes to stuff like that, like, normally, like, they'll have pregnancy tests where you could do six days before your period, or there's, like, 21 days or 27 days or whatever, how many days after the last time you had unprotected sex.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, again, I'm going to sound really ridiculous, but when you urinate on the strip... What is it that determines the plus or negative? It's the genome. I'm not 100% accurate, but it measures whether or not you have a baby in your tummy.

SPEAKER_00:

What happens when it comes to making a baby, your hormones fluctuate and they go up. All of that type of situation, it all messes with your hormones and that does still come out in the pee. That's why you're able to project that and find out. That's why a lot of tests are able to do it six days before your missed period. Or, like I said, 21 to 25 days after you had unprotected sex is because your hormones, when you're pregnant, will already be going up and down and trying to figure all that stuff out.

SPEAKER_02:

And there's no way, if you have your period, that you're pregnant, right? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, there's a lot of fun things on the Internet, a lot of different misconceptions on that. So there's—and I've—which is funny— Because I randomly would scroll and read this stuff.

SPEAKER_02:

It's pertinent to your body.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I'm a woman. I don't have sex with men. Like a prostate for me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't have sex with men. It's a pineapple. But I still want to learn it. And it's not a huge percentage, but there is a percentage of women that do tend to have unprotected sex, have their period, think that they're fine, and then their next period, they're pregnant.

SPEAKER_02:

And then the next thing, they have a baby in the toilet. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00:

What? Not even in the toilet. It's more along the lines of,

SPEAKER_02:

like... Have you not ever heard that, like, I think I didn't know I was pregnant? Is that an urban legend thing? No, I didn't know I was pregnant, and the next thing you know, there's a baby when they think they're going to have a baby. No, like, as the next thing you know, my water just broke. That's not true. Yeah. That's not true. You've not seen that show? I didn't know I was pregnant.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that is very true. We're going to have to Google it and YouTube it or something. It's more along the lines of... Heavier set women that do deal with that because, I mean, if you're heavier set, you don't really know that you're pregnant, which, by the way, I am a personal trainer as well, so I know a lot of different things like that.

SPEAKER_02:

That's

SPEAKER_00:

right. You look the way you look. Fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. I work out. I work out. But that is the reason why I know a lot of these things. When it comes to stuff like that, that it doesn't really happen very often. It's not a misconception. It's just a very small and rare percentage of situations

SPEAKER_02:

that happen.

SPEAKER_00:

It's a TLC show. Yes, but when you put hundreds of millions of people, and then you're like, there's at least 15, you're going to put them on the show.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, reeling this back a little bit, I guess another one of my questions, because of the... Well, let me just straight up ask, what stage are you at in terms of your relationship? Are you guys really cutting it? I know that's personal if you don't feel like...

SPEAKER_00:

It's a very difficult question. I guess because I

SPEAKER_02:

was thinking about financially... cutting it that requires a lot that goes into that decision of course separation of bank accounts money changing her name physical well yeah i mean you know the cost of everything you know all of it that's a there's a lot anyway that's where i was really thinking

SPEAKER_00:

and the thing is is um we were together for a very long time and there is nothing bad i could say we had an amazing experience I wanted to be the rest of my life and it happened to be a chapter. And that's one thing that I could 100% vocalize is she is a beautiful person and she deserves the entire world.

SPEAKER_02:

That's nice of you to

SPEAKER_00:

say. And the fact that, you know, it wasn't with me is okay. And we both have to grow and we have to heal. We have to love and move forward. And we're both at that point in time where it's like, I still love you and I will always love you. but it just won't be with each other. And when it comes to finances, it was a little bit easy because clearly we do not have children. We don't have a house. We don't have a whole lot. So it was a lot easy. I had a car, and we already took that off. Like, all that is kind of set in stone. Realistically, moving forward, no, I do not believe that we belong together. But realistically... I will always love her.

SPEAKER_02:

But even with all that said, I mean, there are still certain obstacles you have to hop through, like you mentioned earlier, like your auto insurance, you know, et cetera. I mean, did you guys even have things like wills, powers of attorney, life insurance, things that you created beneficiaries for each other on?

SPEAKER_00:

We did. Fun thing. I used to always make a joke about this. I feel like. Because I'm a barber. I've been a barber for 10 years. I have my own Roth accounts and certain things like that. And I would always make a joke where it's like, you know, I could push you down the stairs and I'll get$80,000. If you pushed me down the stairs, you'd get nothing. You'd just cry. And we would always make that joke because I always thought it was really funny because I'd be like, you'd just cry.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, because you never took out a policy, I'm guessing.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree. She is my beneficiary still. On all of my 401ks and Roth accounts and stuff like that. I have not changed that. I have no desire to change it because realistically, when it comes to, you know, it was a mutual divorce. Like I said, we both still love each other immensely. She is a person that has been in my life for so many years and I have so many beautiful memories for. I don't want to... be so drastic on a lot of those things. But it will happen sooner or later. And I'm her beneficiary on pretty much all of her 401ks and all of stuff like that, which I'm sure will change. Eventually.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, maybe when you guys meet other

SPEAKER_00:

people. Officially, or divorce, or

SPEAKER_02:

anything like that. But at this point, it's just like, okay, this is fresh, this is new. Shoot, if we got divorced, the first thing you would do is change your beneficiaries. It's already not you. What an a-hole. What an a-hole. Oh, my God. It's my dog. I need to go and revisit all that.

UNKNOWN:

I don't know if you know this, Jerry, but it's me.

SPEAKER_02:

Wow. Wow. That was in confidence, Alina. I'm just joking. Obviously, it's you. Duds, you dummy.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like a divorce takes a while, and I have no desire to not communicate and go through this as cordially as possible. You're

SPEAKER_02:

being big people.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, we're both being adults like everyone should be. I don't want to look back in the next 10 years and be like, I was mean to the one person person I decided to marry

SPEAKER_02:

that's nice of you

SPEAKER_00:

I want to look back and just continue to look at the beautiful memories that we made because that's what I get to hold with the rest of my life like I do not want to sit here and say well you did this and I did that like no

SPEAKER_02:

wonder if she wanted your dog

SPEAKER_00:

she did not

SPEAKER_02:

oh okay

SPEAKER_00:

well that was easy we both we were both very well aware that like my dog's my dog your dog's your dog and the cat is mine

SPEAKER_02:

okay

SPEAKER_00:

And she was just like, yeah. Don't forget

SPEAKER_02:

the fish.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, the fish is mine. Come on. I thought the fish died. No. Oh, my God. I wish they did.

SPEAKER_02:

Why? You don't want to take care of them? Such a pain in the butt. Oh. Give them to Dalton. She already did. Oh, okay. She gave me that fish tank. Quick change of subjects. You had mentioned a funny story you were going to say. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but it's not. It's disgusting. This is going to

SPEAKER_02:

be all right, dude. Okay. Well, I'm cool with that. Is that dirty words in it or what? Oh, no. Not if you don't want to use them. Well, all right. Well, I'm game to hear it.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. So, I just recently heard a story from a friend, which... She heard it from someone else. Telephone. Telephone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a very interesting story where I felt like I had to go. Is this real? Yes. Who knows? Yes. Okay. It's a real story. Okay. I love these. And I just felt like I have to tell everyone. Okay. I'm everyone. It was so gross. I'm everyone. It was so disgusting. I went. Ew. And I immediately went to the next person and went, do you want to know a new story? That's that whole

SPEAKER_02:

thing. That's Olympia Dukakis. You know, if you can't say anything nice, come sit over by me. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

And it was so interesting. So a man and their husband, a husband and their wife.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. They were just hanging out one day and it was a very nice day. It was just chill. And they decided to want to, you know. Have the deed. Okay. And unfortunately, they did not have any lube.

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm. Yes. You spit on it. Cuck-pooey. Cuck-pooey. Cuck-pooey. Cuck-pooey, whatever. Cuck-pooey.

SPEAKER_00:

Cuck-pooey. Well, anyways, move forward about three weeks later, she's just sitting there folding towels. And she just keeps orgasming, and she's like, I don't know what's happening. Like, there's nothing wrong. Lucky girl. Yeah, right? You would think. And then she was washing dishes, and then she would come, and it was a very interesting thing. So she finally made a phone call to the gyno because it happened about 15, 16 more times.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow.

SPEAKER_00:

And, yeah. And so what happened was, is, like, she went to the gyno, and they were asking her a bunch of questions, and they're like, hey, like... What's wrong? Like all this type of thing. And they're like, well, I don't know. I just keep orgasming. It's making me feel very uncomfortable because I'm just doing daily activities. And I'm all by myself. Yeah, this is incorrect. And when it comes to all women, I don't know if any women listen to your podcast, but I'm sure a bunch do. They all know that's a very uncomfortable feeling to be out at the grocery store and all of a sudden come.

SPEAKER_02:

Or your child's playground. It's that whole Harry and Sally thing where you're like,

SPEAKER_01:

ah, ah, ah, ah.

SPEAKER_02:

I'll have what she's having. Seven, seven, seven, like from Friends.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. And then you're just like, I didn't know that coffee was that good. It's

SPEAKER_01:

a crazy feeling.

SPEAKER_00:

So, yeah, so that was going on. And the gyno literally looked up and she went, When was the last time you had sex? She was like, about three or four weeks ago. And she was like, did you use anything that wasn't lube or anything like that? And she was like, oh, why? And the lady literally went, unfortunately. I was having sex with my husband, and we used mayonnaise.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, my gosh. You don't make egg salad.

SPEAKER_00:

Because we didn't have lube. Yeah. And, yeah. And so that happened. And she was like, well, unfortunately, we're going to have to flush you out because the thing that is giving you orgasms are hundreds and thousands of maggots.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, shit. Oh, my. My God. I didn't mean to say cuss or sorry. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my. Oh. Oh. Oh. The visual I just got. I just pictured it, too. Oh, my God. A little lantern. Oh, maggots. Lord have mercy. Maggots. Oh, my God. That is not real. That's a made-up story.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it was a real story. And imagine the flush that they had to do with

SPEAKER_02:

her. And the antibiotics. That cannot be true. They needed to take a fire engine hose up there. That cannot be true. When you got to go pee, you're going to pee it out.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, no. What would happen is you would feel like you have- You don't pee out

SPEAKER_02:

your vagina, baby.

SPEAKER_00:

You do not. But what would happen- There's different holes. You would have gotten a yeast infection. You would have felt all this. But when it comes to maggots, they eat stuff like

SPEAKER_02:

that. Man, I am literally speechless.

SPEAKER_00:

She would have never gotten a yeast infection. She would have never figured that stuff out because they. eat stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm going to throw

SPEAKER_00:

my face up. She got flushed a bunch of times and she had to take a bunch of antibiotics. Now she's fully recovered and she's totally fine. I thought that was the nastiest thing I've ever heard. I have to tell every single person I meet.

SPEAKER_02:

Yikes. No more fun times anywhere. No more mayonnaise. Next time she eats potato salad, she's It's going to be like... Who's using mayonnaise of all things? I guess it's greasy enough.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, one thing that, I mean, y'all should know is, like, women... are naturally

SPEAKER_02:

moist

SPEAKER_00:

moist especially if they're turned on well and if you want to go

SPEAKER_02:

down there and you know

SPEAKER_00:

exactly so it's like the fact that she wasn't turned on that much yeah to need lube or mayonnaise that's crazy because i do not need that when i'm turned on i'm a fucking fire hydrant like i don't need that

SPEAKER_02:

So

SPEAKER_00:

it's a very interesting thing to think about. You

SPEAKER_02:

don't even know how

SPEAKER_00:

to. Also, like, you're welcome.

SPEAKER_02:

All I can say is I'm glad I'm not a lady. Sorry. I mean, sometimes we can dress up as them.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, but I'm not going to end up with. But we do orgasm more than y'all. Oh, yeah. Lucky you.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Lucky you. One positive, but it's still a swampy cave. Oh, my Lord have mercy. Well, I'm not. No.

SPEAKER_01:

No. You said you wanted to know the story, Jerry. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, my God. No, he doesn't. Yeah. Well, if you were listening to this podcast for financial advice, you didn't get any. We didn't do it today. It's not today. All you learned is don't use mayo. And all you learned is, yeah, don't do mayo. Or see your guy on a more regular basis. And we're just having a beautiful afternoon on a Monday. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Well, Melina, it was an experience, a very pleasant one. Until the end. No, even the end. I didn't care. I didn't expect that, but that's okay. I would never have ever in my wildest dreams come across that and... Thought that was a thing. Now you're going to Google it, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I'm not. I had an amazing time. Thank you so much for having me on your podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, and I'm sorry if we got too personal with you, you know, but I think real life experiences help other people who, you know. Might be going through some of

SPEAKER_00:

the same things. Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely an open book. I will never go out of my way and say that's too much. It's exactly what you said. Everyone deals with it and everyone's going through a lot of different things and if I could help anybody then that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_02:

You don't know who you're helping.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

Especially when it comes to mutual divorce. Do you know what I mean? And mutually exclusiveness. And I guess communication was a good key on y'all's part because you communicated about it versus just throwing papers in her face. Do you know what

SPEAKER_00:

I mean? And it's because realistically we still both love each other and we both deserve the same respect. And I would never disrespect her in that way. And that's something that not a lot of people could go through I've heard a lot of different divorce conversations where it was like very rude and I still hate her and it's been 10 years and it's just a very interesting thing and that's something that I'll never do because it's like it's it's a person that I once loved I will never hate her

SPEAKER_02:

can you quickly talk about your you mentioned your last day if you will I don't know if you want to call it your last day but the day you guys sort of spent together so I thought that was sweet

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, the last day was very lovely. We had a three-hour phone call, and it was very sad. There was a lot of crying, and there was a lot of understanding that we both need to grow and heal, and it just won't be together. And so something that I brought up was, well, can I see you again? And we will have a good first and last day. And so we went to a restaurant that actually we got our marriage license in. We got to that restaurant. We ate food. We went to Central Market. We went to a couple of other stores. And it just felt normal and blissful because we've been together for so long. It was just a nice, peaceful day. And it was something that I feel like we both needed at that point in time. And To move forward like we knew. Just because we need to grow and heal separately doesn't mean we still don't care about each other.

SPEAKER_02:

That's super, super sweet. I don't know if I'd be that sweet.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't think you would.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But it's something that I wanted to

SPEAKER_02:

do. Yes, you would. No, I'm not.

SPEAKER_00:

It's something that I wanted to do to grow and, like I said, grow and heal. And just because we didn't end up together the way we thought doesn't mean it's... Forever going to be the worst thing in the world.

SPEAKER_02:

And you never know. You never know down the road. You guys are young. When you get to my age, you kind of let bygones be bygones in a lot of ways for a lot of people. Not everybody, but a lot of people. You

SPEAKER_00:

let it go. And I'm the type of person that I believe in karma. And I always want to push... Even in bad situations, I always want to find optimistic situations. And I always want to be the best person that I can be, even in bad situations. And that's just where I'm at right now in my life. And I'm okay with that. And I feel like I'm healing and I'm growing. And that's all you can really ask out of life itself.

SPEAKER_02:

There you go. I agree. I agree, hon. So thank you both for being here. I really enjoyed it. I really learned something, believe it or not. What? Don't use mayonnaise? Beyond that, beyond that, yes. I really didn't know. I'm not even going to say it. I'm not going

SPEAKER_00:

to say it. I think we all learned don't use mayonnaise. I think

SPEAKER_02:

that's a life lesson. If you take any money besides financial advice, don't use mayonnaise. Yikes. All right, bye. All right, well, thank you all for joining us today and have a great day. Let's party.

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Jerry Williams, MS-PFP

Host