The Interview

Rob interviews for a job. 

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Hi, I'm Rob. Tale number thirty-seven. The interview. I was interviewing for a job with a big package shipper. Like, you know, you take a box into a place, give it to them, and they ship it. And it was more on like the warehouse side, where the packages are put on trucks and things like that. I arrived a half hour early, and I walked up to the front desk and they pointed to where I needed to go. And I went to open this office door and then someone yelled at me and they're like, hey, get in line. There were like 20 people in line. So I got in the back of the line, and I wait for a couple hours. A lot of people just got up and left. And finally it's my turn. I go in. A woman is sitting at a desk. She tells me her name is Diane. And before I even have a chance to really sit down, she starts asking me these very generic interview questions. She doesn't even really, you know, look at me. It's just this sort of automated process. And so she's asking questions like, what's your greatest weakness? You know, what's your greatest strength? Things like that. And then she asked me to tell her about a time that there was a conflict at work that I helped resolve. So I told her this story about how my two bosses had gotten in a fist fight once when I used to work at this catering company. It started as a small argument and it turned into this huge thing, and one of them picked up a trash can and threw it at the other one, and it was crazy. And it was also sort of traumatic for anyone that witnessed it, and a lot of people witnessed it. But since they were the bosses, like nothing was done about it. They stayed mad at each other and it became a very difficult environment to work in. And so the next time the general manager was in, who was like the boss of our two bosses, me and a few other people, we decided to tell the big boss. And like nobody got fired or anything, but it did lead to them not bringing that hostility they had for each other to work. And so it was successful in my mind. So I thought it was a good example. And Diane just sort of nods at my story and finishes up the interview. It's like she's reading a script, and I don't blame her. I mean, she had a lot of people to interview. And she says, I need your driver's license and your social security card. I need to make a copy of them. I give them to her. She says, If we choose you for the position, you'll be called within two days. If not, you will not receive a phone call. We will not make a decision until after we've interviewed everyone. It's like, okay. And then she got up and left the office to make copies of my license and social security card. And so I was just in her office alone. And a few minutes go by and you know, I think it's kind of weird. And then that turns into ten minutes, which is weirder. Like I know she has other interviews to do. And that turns into twenty minutes. And so I decide to get up and look for her, and I I walk out of the office and don't see her anywhere, and I go back to the front desk where I came in initially and say, Hey, you know, I was having an interview with Diane, and she came out here to make copies of my license and social security card, and it's been a while and she hasn't come back. And the person at the front desk gives me a weird look and says, Diane is on break. She's gone. She's not here. She'll be back in 30 minutes. I was like, well, she she took my license and social security card with her, and she just left me in her office. And they're very nice, but they don't know what to do. They're confused, just like me. So I go back to the office and sit down and wait. A little over a half an hour later, Diane returns. So she walks in and she just gives me this look like I've done something terrible, and she doesn't have my stuff with her, and she sits down and and she says something like, You know, you're not supposed just to let yourself in here, and I'm like, Oh, sorry. My assumption is she talked to the person at the front desk, and she looks really frustrated and she lets out this deep sigh. She says, Look, I'm just gonna be honest with you. Are you gonna show up on time? And I'm like, Yeah. Are you gonna be a tattletale? Because you can't come run into me every time you have a problem. I said, Okay, that's that's good. Just saying whatever I think she wants me to say. And then she said, Because we've gotten a lot of terrible people that have come in today. And she's like, This last guy is telling me a story about how he tattled on his bosses, and he thinks that is a good story to tell me, the person who will be his boss if he gets hired. He thinks it's okay to be a tattletale on his boss. And I realize she's telling me a story about me. She thinks I'm a different person. She thinks our interview ended, and this is the next person she's going to interview. And I don't know what to do because I do want the job, but now I'm in a weird situation. And so then she starts asking me these basic interview questions again. And um I answered them pretty much the exact same way I answered them the last time. And so then she asks me to tell her about a time at work when there was a conflict that I helped resolve. And this time, I nailed it. I tell her about how one time I dealt with an angry customer at a restaurant I was working at, and how, you know, really angry customers, they just want you to listen. So I just listened to them, and I basically restated what they were saying to me to let them know that they had been heard. And then that person kept coming back to the restaurant because of how I had dealt with the problem they had had. Diane is really eating this up. She's like nodding and looking at me and just loves everything I'm saying. And I'm like doing a lot of talking with my hands, feeling very confident. I think part of the reason I was so confident is because I knew that no matter what I said, I would never work at this place because of the awkward moment that must happen, the reveal that must occur. And so we finished the interview. She says the same thing she said to me last time, but there's kind of a twinkle in her eye, like she's trying to let me know I got this job. And the one thing she said to me differently this time was make sure for the next two days, anytime your phone rings, you pick it up. And then she says, All I need is your driver's license and your social security card, and I'll go make a copy of them. And since I've sort of committed, there's no way to play it other than to kind of play dumb. So I just say, Well, I already gave you those. And she like looks around, she's like, No, you didn't. And I said, Yeah, I did, you know, before I gave them to you. And you walked out of here with them and said you were gonna go make a copy. And I'm sort of hoping that because she's just had so many interviews, she'll get up and go check it and see it's there and and she'll just chalk the whole thing up to some sort of slip of the mind. I'm hoping she won't realize that she interviewed me once and didn't like me, and then left me in her office for like an hour and went on a break, and then came back and interviewed me again thinking I was a different person. She sort of insists that I have not given her my license or my social security card. And I contemplated just leaving and going and getting a new driver's license and social security card, saying I forgot it. But I wasn't gonna do that. Even I have my limits when it comes to conflict avoidance. So I said, no, we talked, I gave them to you, you went off to make copies, and you were gone for a while. I thought maybe the copying machine was broken or something. And she's just confused. She has no memory of it, but she gets up, she walks out, she leaves the door open this time. I can actually hear the person from the front desk asking what happened. You know, a guy came out saying you left him in the office. And so she knows what happened. She walks back in, she has my license and my social security card. She sits down and she says, I'm sorry that happened. That was unprofessional. She gives me my stuff back and I get up and leave. And I never got a call about the job. Tiffin. I had some additional editing help from Ben Lamb. The cover art is by Marcella Johnson. She also came up with the title of the podcast. Our theme music is by Mitchell Harditch. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and at robtellstales.com. This podcast would have not been possible without Ben, Marcella, and Melanie. Thank you, and thanks for listening.