The Brainy Moms
The Brainy Moms is a parenting podcast with smart ideas to help moms and kids thrive! Hosted by cognitive psychologist Dr. Amy Moore along with rotating co-hosts Sandy Zamalis, Teri Miller, and Dr. Jody Jedlicka, this weekly show features conversations about parenting, psychology, child development, education, and medicine with practical tips to help moms navigate the ups and downs of parenthood. We're smart moms helping make moms smarter...one episode at a time!
The Brainy Moms
Present, Not Perfect: How to Support Your Teen's Mental Health Journey | Jenn Robb
When your child is drowning in mental health struggles, the weight of helplessness can feel crushing. Where do you turn? How do you fight a battle you can't even see? Nurse practitioner and author Jen Robb knows this battlefield intimately. On this episode of The Brainy Moms Podcast, she tells Dr. Amy all about it.
"We were the white picket fence, typical all-American kind of family," Jenn shares, describing how her daughter Chloe's mental health crisis blindsided their family. Like many parents, Jen initially retreated into silence, carrying the burden alone rather than risking judgment from others. That isolation nearly broke her.
Through raw vulnerability and faith-filled wisdom, Jenn guides listeners through the transformative journey from silent suffering to empowered advocacy. She challenges the notion that doctors always know best, encouraging parents to respectfully question treatment plans and seek providers who address root causes rather than simply medicating symptoms. "Your child doesn't have a voice in that circumstance," she reminds us. "No one is going to fight as hard for your child as you will."
The path forward isn't about perfection but presence. Jenn's powerful reminder that "your child doesn't need a perfect mom; they need a present mom" liberates parents from impossible standards while focusing on what truly matters – showing up emotionally and physically while allowing children space to feel their feelings. This delicate balance requires setting healthy boundaries not just for our children, but for ourselves as parents.
Perhaps most profound is Jenn's perspective on surrender. After a terrifying incident where Chloe was hospitalized with alcohol poisoning, Jenn describes hearing God whisper, "As much as you love her, I love her more." This spiritual surrender didn't mean abandoning responsibility, but rather acknowledging her limitations and finding strength beyond herself.
Whether you're currently navigating teen mental health challenges or simply want to be prepared, Jenn's practical wisdom on supporting brain health through technology boundaries, sleep hygiene, and proper nutrition offers valuable tools for every family. Connect with Jenn's supportive community at warriormomcoach.net and discover how to become the warrior your child needs during their darkest battles.
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Hi, smart moms and dads, welcome to another episode of the Brainy Moms podcast brought to you today by LearningRx Brain Training Centers. I'm Dr Amy Moore and I am here with Jen Robb. Jen is a nurse practitioner, a wellness advocate, a coach and author of the book Warrior Mom Rising a mom's battle plan to advocate overcome and thrive, overcome and thrive. She's a mom who's walked through the fire of teen mental health struggles and is here today to offer some practical hope to other moms navigating hard parenting seasons. Welcome, jen, hi. Thanks, amy, I'm glad to be here.
Dr. Amy Moore:Well, I was excited to talk to you because I think that this is an area that is ubiquitous in its struggle but not talked about enough. I think a lot of times, as parents, it's hard to admit that our child has mental health struggles because we feel guilty or we're afraid that people will judge us, that it's our fault, or that we've created an environment that you know has caused our children, or or or whatever, right. So I don't think we have natural conversations about it, and I love how vulnerable you are in your book. I love that you've made it your mission to tell other moms I see you, god sees you. I just love everything that you're doing, so. Tell us a little bit about yourself, why you felt compelled to write this book. What's happening there?
Jenn Robb:So I we live outside of Dallas, texas. I've been married to my college sweetheart for 25 years. Three kids, two boys and a girl. They're 20, 19 and 17 now Nurse practitioner for over 25 years, recently board certified in functional medicine and then writing the book. So the book actually launched in May but the book was really born out of, really for me, just obedience to God and writing the book.
Jenn Robb:But because I felt every single thing that you just said right as a mom, you know, we, I tell people all the time like we were like the white picket fence, typical all American kind of family right, been married for a long time, raised in the church, all of the things when you check on the boxes, right. And so when Chloe is my daughter's name, when she started to struggle with her mental health, it kind of caught us all off guard Like where's this coming from? Our boys never had issues like this, um, and there was a lot of, a lot of guilt and a lot of questions like what did I miss? How did I miss it? How did this happen? And we really didn't talk about it with anybody.
Jenn Robb:It was really our family, you know, other than like my parents knowing it was really kind of just us dealing with it because of the stigma that comes with mental health, like there's always this Ooh, she must be crazy, right. Like that's not it at all, or how, how did how did you allow that to happen? And I think, as moms, we really struggle with feeling and carrying that burden, not only carrying the burden for our children, for their pain, that they are having, but we just don't want to share that with anybody. Like we, we want to internalize it and think, oh, I can handle it on my own, but what happens is is that ultimately leads you leads you to like burnout and full on exhaustion, right, which is not a good place to be when you're trying to deal with a child who is struggling.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, yeah. And one of the things that I see is that when we don't talk about it, then it doesn't necessarily show our struggling child that we see the struggle or that we're willing to acknowledge the struggle or that we want to hide the struggle.
Jenn Robb:Well, but how do you expect them to step up and have a voice for themselves when you don't want to talk about it, right, but there is a lot of shame in in with your child that's struggling, right. With Chloe, hers wasn't necessarily anything that we had done. Hers actually stemmed from a sexual assault from another peer and of course, that triggers a whole nother level of emotions for a parent, right, because it's like, well, how did I miss this? I mean, chloe was the baby girl you know. We were far more cautious with her than we ever were, even with our two boys, um, and so it's kind of an. It was kind of an eye-opening moment, too. Like that stuff can happen anywhere at any time, no matter how cautious you are. And that's not your fault, right, like and I think moms need to hear that Like that's not your fault, right, like you didn't do anything wrong. You probably couldn't have prevented it anyway. I mean, you know, short of keeping the child completely isolated in your house in a bubble, never to go anywhere, right, and I think that that's one of the things that, like, I realized through the struggle was that, like I felt alone. But I don't want other moms to feel alone. Right, because we need to talk about it, we need to have open conversations about it.
Jenn Robb:And the other thing that I figured out is that for me, like navigating the medical world psychiatrists, counselors, therapists and all of those things that's second nature, because I've been in medicine for over 20 years. But for a lot of moms that is not second nature. Oftentimes what they tell me is well, I can't push back if I don't like what they're saying or I don't think what they're saying is in the best interest. You know, for me it was pushing back against the psychiatrist who was saying you just need to put her on all of these medications. No One medication is okay, but I don't want so many medications. And then we have the side effects and all the other ramifications that come from that many medications and then we have the side effects and all the other ramifications that come from that. But I also wanted her to deal with the root cause of the issue, right, because that's the only way that we can really get her to heal is to deal with what was causing her the pain and the mental health, the anxiety, the depression and, ultimately, self-harm.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because I think that oftentimes there is this implied power differential right between who's wearing the white coat you know, doctor, psychiatrist, nurse practitioner, even right and the patient, and most certainly the patient's parent, who doesn't even feel like it's their appointment sometimes. And so you know I was. I was at a conference in the spring and I had a parent ask me a question. She said something like well, my child's pediatrician said that I was required to put him on this medication because he met this criteria for this diagnosis. Because he met this criteria for this diagnosis. And I kind of tilted my head, looked at her and said the doctor is not the boss of you.
Jenn Robb:Right.
Dr. Amy Moore:Right. I mean you get to participate in your child's medical decisions and mental health treatment decisions, and I think that that isn't something that everyone understands.
Jenn Robb:Well, remember, I mean like we are taught and I think that that isn't something that everyone understands Well, remember, I mean like we are taught, you know, to have to respect authority, right, and physicians anybody in the medical field, I mean, it doesn't have to be a physician are always typically in a position of authority, right. But one thing that I've discovered is that modern medicine has changed a lot, right. But one thing that I've discovered is that modern medicine has changed a lot right. And I mean I've been in modern medicine for 25 years and now that I'm board certified in functional medicine, there's so much more to root cause healing than just putting a bandaid over it with some sort of pill, right. And I feel like in sometimes in modern medicine, we get trapped in this box of well, if you just take this pill and if that pill causes side effects, we'll put you on another pill to counter out the side effects, right, but we're not really treating anything. We're really just putting a bandaid over it and hoping that we can contain those, the bleeding right, so to say. But I think, when mental health, there's so much more to that.
Jenn Robb:Yes, like in Chloe's case, yes, she had a real traumatic event that caused PTSD and all the other things, right. But a lot of cases we're so accustomed to being that they are in the position of authority that we can't push back and question a little bit like, why am I doing this? And I think it's important to realize that your kids don't really have a voice in that circumstance, right. They don't know, they don't know what they need, they don't know what they should ask for, you know. And like, when I think back to Chloe, like Chloe was in no position to advocate or speak out as to what she needed. She couldn't even tell me what she needed in that moment, right. So, and it's really the mom's or the parent's job to kind of step up and say, now listen, I mean, I hear what you're saying, but I think it's too much, right.
Jenn Robb:And it's the same thing with therapists, right. Like we went through three therapists before we found the right one for Chloe. Not all therapists are the same, right, and that's okay. They all have a purpose and they all have their niche, so to say that they're best at, you know, but for Chloe I didn't need someone that was just going to listen, I needed someone who was going to challenge her, to bring up the trauma so that she could heal from it, right, and that person was somebody who was trained very specifically in adolescence and trauma and cognitive behavior therapy in adolescence and trauma and cognitive behavior therapy, right Like EMDR, right. That was huge, huge for Chloe.
Jenn Robb:And so I just I want moms to know that, like, not only advocating. It takes a little bit of time to kind of learn Right, and especially I hear like moms say, well, I'm not a very strong personality, well, that's okay. I'm not telling you to go full throttle, mama bear in there, right, like. But you do have to be a little bit okay with pushing back and finding almost empowerment in that right, because you are the only one that has your child's best interest at heart.
Dr. Amy Moore:Right, you, I mean you're going to be your child's best advocate. No one is going to fight as hard for your child as you will. I mean, you're the mama bear.
Jenn Robb:Right.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah.
Jenn Robb:A hundred percent.
Dr. Amy Moore:So, as a medical professional, do you bristle or do you have like this visceral response to patients who push back on your recommendations? And if you do, what are some tips that you could give moms on how to ask the questions? What are the alternatives? Could you explain the pros and cons of this to me in a way that doesn't put the psychiatrist or psychologist or physician on a defensive mode?
Jenn Robb:And I think that that's just really what it's about, right, like you know, in my practice I deal a lot with obesity medicine right now and people ask me all the time well, I don't know why I should do that, and I think it's totally fine, like, and I don't take offense to it, right, because that's that's your right, but I think it's all in your, in your position and your posture almost Right, like, if you come at them like, almost like you're wrong, and in that defensive mode, well, they're naturally going to get defensive back, right, and I think it's just about approaching it by saying I hear you, but I'm not sure that in this instance it's what's best for her, and this is why, or him, and this is why I think it's really about just positioning yourself I don't want to say like in a submissive position, but almost as in just like you're respecting their authority, but you're, you're, you're just almost questioning it, but not in a rude or harsh way, right, and I just think that that's okay and you need to be okay with their answer. Like, if their answer comes back and says well, this is what I think, because I, if they say I am the doctor, to me, that's a red flag, I'd be like thanks for your time, I'm out, right and that's okay. Like if you have to walk out and say you know, no thanks, but no thanks, that's okay, and I just I really feel like they just need to hear that it's okay. It's okay to question and to ask them what they're basing that on, right, because what you know, like and I'm sure you've seen it too, like I even dealing with my kids when they were small, like with their pediatrician, right, certain doctors in their certain specialties, they get kind of trapped in this box, right, and they only know how to treat or think with inside this box because that's all they treat, right, just like with a pediatrician, for instance, they only treat pediatrics.
Jenn Robb:And so sometimes if you bring in a zebra, right, they don't know how to respond to that zebra because it's outside of the box, to that zebra because it's outside of the box. And so it's the same thing with psychiatrists, right? They think that just because I mean, for instance, your kid is suffering with anxiety and depression, well, the other 25 kids that they just treated this week all have anxiety and depression and they did all of those exact things. Right, but those modalities are not necessarily what your particular child needs, right? And I just think, I mean I just think that we have to get in a position to say I respect you and I hear you, but I'm going to question because her wellbeing or his wellbeing is my highest priority.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, and I love that you're kind of giving permission to moms to say that in a respectful way. Right To adopt this mindset of curiosity, right? Help me understand why this is your recommendation.
Jenn Robb:Right.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, so there are a couple of quotes from your book that really resonated with me and I would love for you to speak to them, and so one of them was your child doesn't need a perfect mom. They need a present mom.
Jenn Robb:So I think oftentimes, as moms, we get so caught up and trying to do everything for our kid and make sure that they have the perfect life right, that they have all of the perfect clothes, they have all of the things that they've ever wanted and needed, but I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in that that we almost remove ourselves from being present in the moment with them. Right, none of us are perfect. There's not one person on this planet who is perfect, and that's okay. Right, and I think that kids also need to see us, our imperfections, and see us for who we are. Right, and know that our heart, behind everything that we do, is out of love and support for them. Right, but we have to own our imperfections.
Jenn Robb:Right, but it's more about putting the phone down or the computer down and comparing yourself to Johnny and Susie over there for what they're doing and just saying, hey, this is, this is what I want to do and this is what I'm thinking. What do you think about this? Right? Like and just being in the moment with them, without all of the added pressures of what the Joneses, so to say, are doing. Right, and I think that that's really hard for sometimes for moms, because we feel like if our kid doesn't have every single thing that the Joneses have, that they're missing out. And I don't think that that's the case right. All of our kids, our kids don't need everything that everybody else has. They just need us, as their mom, to be present, to interact with them, to show up right, to show up to events, to show up in love and encouragement and to cheer them on, and I think that's far more important than trying to be perfect all of the time.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, that's great advice. I was thinking as you were talking. You know we don't want our kids to suffer and we want to fix things. And you know our child gets a diagnosis, particularly a mental health diagnosis'm going to research everything I possibly can about the possible treatments and then we're going to start with the first one and then the second one until we find one that fixes the diagnosis, when, in reality, shouldn't we be looking at the individual child and maybe the symptom that's screaming the loudest? And I mean it isn't about erasing a diagnosis, right? I mean it's about being fully present with our child suffering.
Jenn Robb:Right, and in those moments, like Chloe's, anxiety is different because it stems from a different root cause, right, your child's anxiety may be because they're being bullied or something or someone said mean something mean to them. Right, that's different. And so that's why, like, why I said with a psychiatrist, like, just because they want to put you on these five pills to treat that symptom and what's best for your particular child, right, and every child is different, every child responds differently, right. And so you know, like, when you talk about medicines, like with Chloe, they wanted to have her on three different medicines and I was like mm-mm, we'll put her on one to help her kind of deal with the right now anxiety and kind of the depression that we're feeling. But we're going to go on the hunt for the root cause, right, and in that I had to be present, right and and present minded with her. Right, so that when she was triggered, so to say, or she was having an anxiety attack, I noticed, right, I could see those subtle signs. I was there in the moment to be with her and to comfort her.
Jenn Robb:The other thing that I think that's important is that it's not our job as the mama to carry the child's pain and burden right, and so oftentimes we get trapped in this. I'm the mom, so I have to carry it for everybody else. It's your job as the mom to show up right To support them through their struggles, to love them through their struggles, right To advise them when it's needed. But if you don't let them feel what they need to feel, what lessons are they really learning right? Or if I would have tried to just fix it all for Chloe and I would have immediately, you know, just said you're going to have to get over it and we're going to fix this and it's okay and moving on, she wouldn't have learned how to work through those feelings that she was feeling of the anxiety, the depression, the shame, the guilt, all of those things.
Jenn Robb:And I think that that's important for mamas to understand is that you're never going to be perfect in every, in how you show up. That's just it's. You're not going to always be perfect, and that's okay. But are you there when they need you? Are you present in the moment to help them through their struggles and to teach them and guide them Right? And I just hear it all the time from women that say, oh, I have to carry so much. You know everybody is struggling. My kids are struggling with their grades and they're, you know, my husband's struggling with his job. But it's not your job. Your job is not to carry it all, your job is to support them. Right, our permission to I mean ourselves, permission a little bit to say I'm here, I love you, but I can't do the work for you. Then we take some of that burden and lessen the risk of burnout on ourselves.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, you talk about the importance of setting emotional boundaries. Yeah, talk a little bit about, maybe, some tips for doing that.
Jenn Robb:But I have to protect my own sanity too, right, because the other thing about women is that we typically get so burnt out and exhausted in the moment taking care of everybody else's problems that we forget about us, and then we're burning on empty and then you're not helping anyone, right, because you can't pour from your empty cup anyone right, because you can't pour from your empty cup.
Jenn Robb:And so you have to find ways to kind of refresh your soul, right, and to keep your spirit and drive alive so that you can help, support and love and cheer them on in all of their other struggles right, and some of that is just them on in all of their other struggles, right, and some of that is just taking a walk. For me, it was listening to worship music in my car, right. But I think that oftentimes too, we let, we let people take advantage of that nurturing side of us, and then, when we try to now set a boundary, there's guilt and shame that comes in, right, and then now it's compounded by all of the other emotions, and now you've got guilt and shame on top of it, and I think that for moms, it's important to know you're okay to feel that way.
Dr. Amy Moore:No, you're okay to feel that way, but if you don't take time for yourself and you stay trapped in that thoughts, in those cycles, in that burnout, you're useful to no one, to no one, and I think you talk about in your book how taking care of yourself is actually modeling, how to differentiate yourself right emotionally from your child's emotions or your spouse's emotions, or that that's important. That's an important lesson for your kids to see too.
Jenn Robb:A hundred percent. It's a lesson for them. But it goes back to the same thing, right, like that, you that you own that you're not perfect, right, you own the fact that you have imperfections, but you also own the fact that you're learning and you're growing and you're transforming right into someone who you were designed to be, right, and that's that's good. Like for Chloe. I mean, she saw the grief from me, right, and I told you know, I feel like we had a conversation you know multiple conversations like I don't know how to help you anymore, right, like I don't know what to do for you. You are going to have to step in and take ownership of your feelings and you are going to have to do the work with a therapist in order to make yourself better. I can't do that for you anymore. I mean, I remember telling her those things and through that she was like okay, you know, and I think the other part to that is is like, when I think about Chloe, like, and she was struggling, she never wanted me to hurt, right, she never wanted me to feel sadness or pain because of her, right, and I think we oftentimes forget that our kids do love us, though sometimes they're not the best at expressing that right, and they, you know, have often thrown tantrums and we're ruining their lives and so on, right, but they do not want us to hurt as their parents. So I think it's important for them to see us grieve and show that emotional response to their pain. Right, because then it's teaching them that it's okay to have emotion, it's okay to feel it, but what it's not okay to do is to stay stuck right.
Jenn Robb:That's what I wanted Chloe to know. It's okay for you to cry and to have pain and grief and shame and all those things, but what you're going to do is you're going to live in that moment for that moment, and then you're going to get up and you're going to rise again and we're going to continue to fight this battle day in and day out, and I'm going to lock arms with you. I can't fight it for you to fight this battle day in and day out, and I'm going to lock arms with you. I can't fight it for you, but I'm going to be standing right here with you, fighting alongside of you, and then she feels empowered, right, because now she's got the strength that mama's there. But I have to do the work. I have to fight the battle. I have to deal with my own emotions and get to the root of what is causing me to feel this way.
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Dr. Amy Moore:So I just had this really powerful analogy that I mean, isn't that what the Lord does for us?
Jenn Robb:Well, you know and I talk about that in the book too Like, every day, we have to get up and put on the armor of God, right, and that's what I told Chloe. Like, god is right there too, even though you can't see him, but in those moments of your deepest pain, knowing that he's there and feeling his presence, right, again, it goes back to just being present, and that's what they need from us, right? There were so many times that Chloe would come out of a therapy session and be like I mean, you could just tell she was a mess. You know tears, and especially when she was doing EMDR, right, because that is resurfacing all of the painful things so that we can retrain the brain and heal those parts of the brain where the trauma is rooted. And she'd be like I just, you just knew she didn't want to talk, but what she wanted was for me to hug her and to put my arms around her and to say I love you and I'm here, right, the same way that God does for us every day, for us every day, right, and I think it's also important for parents to know that life is always going to life, okay, it doesn't matter how much we think we have it together or perfect.
Jenn Robb:There are always going to be struggles and god never said there wasn't going to be struggles. Not one promised us that there would be right. Did he ever say, right, yeah, but knowing that you have God on your side, right to help you, even in our, our alone most moments I mean in our, the times when we feel the most alone as a parent, we still have God on our side, Right, and I think that that is one of the bigger things that kept me really grounded when I wanted to go hide and cry and in a hole, you know.
Dr. Amy Moore:Yeah, so I love the picture of the Ephesians six warrior, and as I was reading your book and I call myself an ADHD warrior, so I love the term.
Jenn Robb:Talk a little bit about why you titled your book or your mom. I really feel like Out of it. And when we were in the depths Of it with Chloe, we were fighting a battle. Right, not only were we fighting a battle Physically, but we were fighting the spiritual battle With her as well. Right, because I really felt like the enemy was really trying to take her out, and so I.
Jenn Robb:Every day, we have to get up and we have to put on that battle armor, right, and so when we do that, the warrior within us rises. Right, we are all. There's a warrior mom or warrior dad in all of us, right, it's just figuring out how to let that one out. Right, and I think it's very poignant because I always felt like I was on a battlefield. I never felt like I was just, you know, in my house, just dealing with everyday troubles. Right, I was really on a battlefield and I think it's just. It was just a natural title, like it literally just came out of nowhere that this is what it was going to be called, because the warrior mom in us needs to rise, right, and we need to rise physically to help our child, but also, like in a spiritual way, right, we have to rise in the battle and pray and bring all of those petitions to God and say help me out, because I am fighting a battle that's not against my flesh and blood, right, things that I can't even see, and I felt like there were many times that the enemy was just they were going to take her out. You know, and honestly, amy, I think the biggest, the biggest transformation of all of this came from when I finally surrendered Chloe over to God.
Jenn Robb:Right, you know, april 4th of 23 was like the moment that was just the lowest of low points with Chloe. Right, the two my two boys had found her unresponsive in her room, face down in a pool of vomit. Call 9111, get her to the hospital. All of their lab testing her alcohol level was four times the lethal limit, and the doctor in the ER at the children's hospital looked at me and he was like there is no reason that she should be alive and I said, oh, but there is right, she is anointed and God has a purpose for her story.
Jenn Robb:Though it is painful, there is a purpose for her story and he was right, though, when you look at it. From the human perspective, there was no reason for her to be alive. Not only was her alcohol level ridiculously high I mean, chloe's a hundred pounds, right, she's very petite, she could have suffocated in the pillow, she could have aspirated in the vomit, right and so, yes, she probably shouldn't be alive. But I knew that God had a point in a, in a huge purpose for her life, right and so. But I remember coming home from that hospital and she was so exhausted, physically, but emotionally and mentally too, she was so weak and she was covered in vomit, just like I was literally just stuck in her hair and she couldn't even bathe herself, right.
Jenn Robb:And I had to take her in the shower and wash her hair and get the vomit off of her. And it was literally in that moment that you feel so helpless as a parent and as a mom, because your child is too weak and like you don't know what to do. But it was. I heard God say literally Jen, surrender her to me. As much as you love her, I love her more, and I think that that's poignant for parents to realize, right, like the circumstances may not always be and the outcomes may not be what we want, right, and our child may not be fixed as quick as we want them to be fixed, because we live in this delusional Amazon society that it's going to be fixed tomorrow. And just because I pray about it, it's going to be fixed tomorrow. Right, but remember God's timing is not ours timing. I mean, this was a three or four year battle that we were in with Chloe and I think that that's important.
Jenn Robb:The surrender comes in releasing that you can do, you've done what you do, and surrendering doesn't mean that you're washing your hands and you're like well, peace out, chloe, good luck. You know what I mean. That doesn't mean that. It means that you're still doing actions and you're still. You're still doing and advocating and pushing and guiding them and loving them, but you've released the burden from yourself and given it to someone who has far more power than you do. Right, and that was kind of the moment that was most freeing, right as a warrior mom, because I am fiercely, you know, I am a fierce mama bear, right, but to know that God loves our children more than we do, that's powerful and it's freeing, yeah, and you can trust him with your children.
Jenn Robb:And I think that that that mamas need to hear that right, like and again, it wasn't in that moment of surrender that I finally said, okay, here, you can please help her, that I snapped my fingers and I woke up the next morning and it was all better because it wasn't Right. It was still a grueling two years, but I had his promise that he was going to take care of her and I could hold on to that in those darkest moments. And I just really want mamas to hear that, right, you're not alone, you're never alone. And there's real strength in that right. There's strength in knowing who stands behind you, right With his angel army, who is standing behind you in this battle, right With his angel army? Who? Who is standing behind you in this battle?
Dr. Amy Moore:Just mamas need to hear that. Mamas need to know yeah Well, and I love that you didn't sugarcoat this, right, you didn't say give it to God and then all will be well. Right, you literally just said I got to turn this over to who has the power that I don't have, and in reality, the enemy waits around right For you to grow the kingdom and strengthen the kingdom like that, by giving God this responsibility right or giving it over, and so you talk about that right or giving it over, and so you talk about that right. How the guilt and the shame are lies from the enemy, and so I think that that needs to be something that moms expect to happen too. Right that it isn't going to be easy.
Jenn Robb:It's not. I mean, there wasn't a day in any of this. And there's still days that, you know, she, she may have a little bit of anxiety, right, and I don't know that that's ever going to go away. But that's okay, because now she has the, she knows that she's a daughter of the king, right, but she also now has the proper tools to help her cope when those moments creep in, right, when the enemy tries to attack her. She now has a whole nother skill set that she didn't have before.
Jenn Robb:And you know, again, that goes back to finding the perfect therapist for her right, finding somebody that could equip her with something that I couldn't equip her with. I mean equip her with. I mean I can speak life into her and I can tell her that she's a daughter of the King, but I don't have the skillset to teach her the coping mechanisms that she needed, right. And so, again, you can't battle this alone. And so, again, you can't battle this alone. You can't. You have to depend and ask for help and you can lean on people that have the expertise where you don't. And that's what we're all here for and I think that that's important too is because, as a mama, we think we have to do it all, but we don't. We don't have to do it all. We were never meant to do it all and carry it all for everybody all the time, right, and you need to get that in our heads, that we were never meant to do that Right. And there are people out there that are smarter than us, that have far more expertise than us, that can help us in areas that we lack, and it's not a sign of weakness to me, that's a sign of strength. Right? You're reaching out for someone else to say I don't know how to help her anymore. I've done all I know to do. Can you help her? That is strength, and you are teaching your kid to advocate for themselves, but to find people who can help them, and not showing that it's weakness or you're not good enough, because that has nothing to do with it.
Jenn Robb:God designed us all very unique, right, and we all have these unique purposes and drives and strengths. He didn't make us all the same. If we were all the same, we'd be robots, just all trucking along, you know, one after the other doing the same thing every day and day out, and that's, that's not how we're designed, and I think it's important for mamas to hear that it's okay to ask for help, then you need to find the right help right and sometimes I don't think that that's always whatever Facebook says or whatever Instagram says right, that's not always the best kind of help. But also knowing your mama intuition and hearing that inner voice in you and trusting that voice right, that you know if something is wrong with your kids. This is different behavior. They're not acting the same. This is, this is not normal teen behavior. And trusting that instinct and then trusting the instinct that you're going to find them the help that they need yeah.
Dr. Amy Moore:Okay. So we know we have a kid who is either having a mental health crisis or is showing signs of mental health issues, and we know that the waiting list for mental health treatment is super long in most areas of the country right now. So I think, as parents, we do have the ability to make some foundational changes to our child's physical health that can help support their mental health while we're waiting on that specialized mental health help that they need. Right, and I love that you said at the top of the show that you just got your functional medicine certification and so you're speaking my language in terms of supporting brain health with sleep and nutrition and optimizing stress, and what would be, you know, your top tips for parents of teens? How can they plus up that physical health, that brain health, to give kids a fighting chance once they actually can get that specialized help too?
Jenn Robb:First and foremost, I think it's about setting boundaries with these children. Right, you don't need to have the phone 24 hours, seven days a week. Right, there's so much junk on those things that they don't need to see and it's not good for their brains to be looking at a screen as they lay down to go to bed. But they can't go to bed because now they've gotten sucked into watching videos on TikTok. Right, you know, with Chloe we set a very clear boundary. At nine o'clock the phone is coming to me. I'm sorry, I don't care. If your friends I don't care, right, and that's OK. It's okay. If they get mad at you, right, it's okay.
Jenn Robb:But setting that boundary because what you're doing is protecting them, right, you're protecting them from the scroll, the endless scroll and the mindless staring at a screen and then feeling filling their minds with just worldly junk, right, but you're also allowing their brains time to rest and to reset and to follow the normal circadian rhythms, right, we know that sleep is crazy important right, to overall brain health and growth and development. They need sleep and so, you know, for Chloe it was. We took her phone at nine o'clock. Sorry about your bad luck. The phone is coming to my possession and I gave her a melatonin every night. At the same time I took her phone, so I wanted her asleep by 10 pm and I know that sounds crazy when you're having teens, right, but they need restful sleep, they just do.
Dr. Amy Moore:Sure, and not to mention the blue light exposure keeps the brain from releasing melatonin.
Jenn Robb:Right Right Says it's time to go to sleep, and the other thing about that is is she couldn't reach for the phone as soon as her eyes opened. Right, because we also know that for brain health and to keep the normal circadian rhythm of how our bodies were designed, we need to see sunlight first thing in the morning. Right, you need to open the blinds, let your body or go walk outside and see that sunlight in your eyes, because that helps the brain know, okay, it's morning, and then I can produce more melatonin at the proper time. Right, these are all things. And you don't need blue light exposure in the morning.
Jenn Robb:There is research study after research study about not picking up a phone, and this is for adults too. Not picking up a phone, and this is for adults too. Not picking up a phone for at least 30 minutes in the morning, allowing your brain time to wake up, to see the sunlight, to kind of get going. Right, the blue light is not good, the phone is not good. As soon as you open your eyes, you don't need to see the smut that's happening in the world, right, you need to see smut that's happening in the world, right, you need to see, I mean. And the other thing is that is open up the Bible for the first for the morning, right, sunshine in the Bible and let God's word renew your mind right and set your footing for the day.
Jenn Robb:But also it's about proper nutrition with the kids, right. I mean, have a night like where you cook together in the evening and you're setting them up with vegetables and proper nutrition and the vitamins and the nutrients that they're growing developing bodies need, right, have them do something. I mean, chloe was always a competitive cheerleader, so her exercise was never a problem for her, but I do think that it is very important for them to move their body in some sort of way. I mean, and I understand that we live in this gaming society, right, both my boys were gamers, huge gamers. But it's like you need to have at least 20 or 30 minutes a day where you're on a slow paced walk outside, right, because all that, even a little bit of exercise, is releasing those endorphins, right, that helps with mood.
Jenn Robb:It's proven in research after research that sunshine and moving your body helps with mood, right, and so when you take away some of the stimulants that that they have, the kids have at their you know, exposure and taking away a phone goes for taking away the games and the TVs at night too. Right, like I do not like for my kids didn't do it, but I do not like for kids to fall asleep to a TV Like it needs to be turned off. Right, it's still blue light, it's still noise, it's still. You can't really rest when there's all of that noise in the background. So all of that to say is to set boundaries right. Proper nutrition, proper sleep All of those are super and so important for our children's, their mental health, their brain and body growth and development, but also for parents, I mean, like that's, that's, that's things that we can all do to over to help improve our overall health and mindset.
Dr. Amy Moore:yeah, great advice. Um, okay so, jen, how can our listeners find more of you and from you?
Jenn Robb:So I have a website, warriormomcoachnet. There's free resources on there. There is a link to our Facebook community that's free. That's just moms that have you know come together. I mean there's things that I post in there, but it's also if you need prayer or anything like that. And again, that goes back to not to not doing this alone, to not navigating it. All of the moms in that Facebook community have navigated something right. It may not all be the exact same circumstance, but there's been some sort of issue with their children or spouse that they need community for. The book is on Amazon Warrior Mom Rising. It's on Amazon, but anything emailing me and all of that contact information is on our on my website All right.
Dr. Amy Moore:Fantastic, Jen Robb. Thank you so much for being with us today. Moms, I hope you feel a little bit smarter after spending this hour with her and hearing all of this fantastic advice about supporting teens with mental health issues. So if you loved us, we would love it if you would follow us on social media at the Brainy Moms. You can find us at thebrainymomscom and until next time, we'll catch you later.
