Cats (2019)

Why does Cats (2019) feel a little too correct right now?

Excellent YouTube Video Essay on why Cats (2019) Sucked Ass
TikTok of vogueing to Jellicle Cats
Butthole Cut was "Very Real"

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.416)
Jason Derulo! And welcome to The Swamp. Hi everyone, this is our podcast, The Swamp. It's an acronym. Stands for some wack ass movie podcasting. And if you weren't jump scared by Jason Derulo, wait until you see James Corden's nipples in my God. You, I mean, okay, so the entire sequence of that, my jaw was dropped. But I think you had seen this movie before, but not realized the nipples. And I think that was the

point in the movie that was most jarring for you. Yeah, if you go into my Google search history right now, it is a why does Bustopher Jones have nipples and the nipples is in quotation marks because I wanted to make sure that my search results were nipple specific because there's so much criticism about James Corden's performance. Well, yes. As Bustopher Jones that I to narrow it down to nipple specific criticisms to see if other And did you find them? I mean, people were.

also just like, this movie's fuck, obviously, which is why we're talking about it this week. Nipples and buttholes, we have a lot to cover today. my God, yeah. Cats, 2019, obviously. It's been a long time coming. I feel like this was one that we could have covered when we really first started, but everyone had talked about it already. Right, 2019. we had to give it. We gave it some time because it was very hot, as we all know, if we remember.

the frenzy, the media frenzy surrounding just like the floppery of the 2019 film's cast. Yeah, so I don't anticipate either of us having anything new or insightful to say about it. This is me turning my back on Andrew Lloyd Webber today. Which I actually will put in the description below this YouTube essay, this video essay someone did, it's like an hour long, about the technicalities of why this movie just does not work.

I'd love to watch that. It's a really good, well put together little video essay is where I got most of my like, I was really curious about just like some of the filming processes. Yeah, like the intonation issues like with the dancing and singing and this video kind of explains like

The SWAMP (02:12.32)
It just does, it's just not hitting, right? Like certain cats are singing like melody numbers when it's, they're supposed to be singing harmonies because it's really supposed to be group numbers that they're just giving to single people. just some decisions that are made that just don't make a lot of sense. But I want things to not make sense this month because honestly we were dipping our toes into talking about some really wonderful movies last month.

was starting to feel my hater-age side grow dry and I wanna be mad. I love to talk about stuff that is objectively bad. This certainly had me fuming. Right, and so I think media criticism is really important. Especially in today's day and age. I was recently kind of having a thought about just like the cultural sort of thing around them, just like letting people like stuff.

Right? Which I think is in part a good thing. Let people enjoy stuff. You know, don't have to be the person who's like, well, actually that's, it's bad because, opinion. That one friend that's a little too woke. Right. Or just, you know, I am this person often where I'm just like, hate to be that guy, but that thing you like is ass. But then, you know, the stuff you like, you kind of want to just.

You just want to enjoy it. Yeah. I think it's grown to a point now where if people are talking critically about media, it's viewed as if you are shaming people who enjoy it. Yes. Is not always the case. I'm like, we can have a critical, open discussion without it feeling hostile. And I think people, especially on the Internet, are so quick to jump to like hostility that often like speaking of things critically and like having, I don't know, discussions is like not

Sure. Happening a lot because people just feel attacked, right? Yeah. let me enjoy stuff. Sure. Which is fine, but I'm like, if you don't ever think critically about anything, then you're not exercising that part of your brain and you'll lose the capacity to think critically about anything ever. like thinking critically about media you enjoy is just as important because you've got to- Absolutely. I don't know. Absolutely. That's how I've been feeling. To that point though, if you do like cats, I will be attacking you today. yes.

The SWAMP (04:26.178)
people enjoy stuff but I'm like but you're also wrong I'm gonna get on my high horse and tell you that you're wrong with you like this movie. I'm sorry if you well I wish that okay here's the thing is I wish that I had seen the musical itself so that I can have something to base off of it. Yes give me your history. Nothing. With cats as an entity. nothing. I know just about nothing I know memory and

I know that they were called, I knew about the Jellicle Ball, whatever that was. Sure, sure. I knew. Jellicle cats are Jellicle Yes, yes. I knew what the costumes looked like for productions. That was about it though. Yeah, this is really bad. It's really bad. I'm sure as you can actually hear some real life cats, I'm so sorry, in the background scuttling about. mean, if they're gonna have a day, today's their day.

Emily and I watched, we rarely get to watch movies together. No, I came out for this it was, I was like, I really want to watch Cats with You. And as Jennifer Hudson broke into her first opening of memory, in the streets, my cat Bean, she started screaming. She was living for us. I was obsessed. It was really a beautiful moment. My cats, you know, they decide when they want to be nice. And then as soon as I turn on a...

microphone, they decide that they want to be bad. So I'm sorry if you hear them scuttling in the background, but I'm going to leave it out of respect to the cats. is their day. Today is their day. I'm going to let them have their moment and shine. But so I don't have any, I didn't have anything to base this off of. So I was really, I want to know how I would feel about the musical. Right. Because the music is bad. Yes. The music is like, I thought I figured as someone who has seen a

good chunk of Andrew Lloyd Webber's things. I felt like I would, he was gonna do me right. You know, I hadn't had like a really bad experience watching any of his stuff yet. Which for, if you don't know Andrew Lloyd Webber, you know, huge, huge Broadway, like magnate, like just a powerhouse of the industry. He wrote the music for,

The SWAMP (06:39.662)
Phantom of the Opera most notably, Jesus Christ Superstar Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamco, Evita, Aida? Evita. Yeah, lot of really famous fucking shit. You say you're pretty familiar with it. I'm actually not really familiar with any of that. Really? Yeah. I come from a bit of a broader...

Right, yeah, your family loves Joseph and the amazing technology. I grew up on her. Yeah. Your brother just did a cosplay of that. He's doing one, yeah. Which shout out, if anyone is interested in cosplay, my brother, I'll have Dara link his page in the Yeah, because you guys just did Obi-Wan and fucking Darth Maul at Rhode Island Comic Con was so dope. It was really sick. I felt so, so good.

Like a kid. One of my coworkers, she's like a grandma aged lady and she comes up to me at the library and she's like, you seem like you know who Matthew Lillard is. And I was like, yes. She's like, yeah, my granddaughter just met him at Rhode Island Comic Con. thought you'd want to see this photo. And I was literally like, yeah, you clocked me. I do want to see that photo. Yeah, there was so many, there was a good amount of celebrities there. Did you meet anyone fun? No. Cause you gotta wait in line for that shit. Exactly. It's a bitch. But like half of the Twilight cast was there. Carlisle. my God.

Yes, Jasper and Emmett. Obsessed. All of them. Mara Wilson, who plays Matilda was there. Wait, do you think we could get press credentials? No, no way. Doubt it, I wish though. No way. I think that would be a good place for us to start though. If any listeners have some advice on how Emily and I could get press credentials to like go to an event, I think that would be so That would be so fun. my God. But yeah, those guys. And then Jojo Siwa.

Did I not tell you that? For what reason? I think that's just her gambit. I that's just how she makes her money. Yeah, she just shows up just done. I really sat there and thought about paying the $80 for a selfie. my God, for the meet and greet. I almost paid money to go to a Trisha Paytas meet and greet once. was really, the tickets were like 30 bucks. And my friends and How did you not? This was years ago. You were going to high school, right? constantly are like, we should have fucking done it. Like missed opportunity.

The SWAMP (08:53.774)
Yeah, maybe you really missed the boat on Jojo there. No, I would have, if it was like a little less, like that would have been the fastest $50 I would have ever paid. Right. But 80, that's a bit steep. a lot. That's steep. come on, Jojo. a selfie. Come on, Jojo. Yeah. And you're at Rhode Island Comic Con, look around you, you're not that famous. No, Juan Carlos Esposito was right there. Yeah, literally. Yeah, literally. I'm like, girl, you're not shit. Okay, $80. Yeah, I'll pay $80 for Gus Fraying. Yeah.

Be serious, be so serious. That's so funny. But yes, yeah. So my brother's a cosplay kind of guy. So if you're into that, check it out. He does some really sick stuff. But yeah, he's on the Joseph train next. Yeah, so Andrew Lloyd Webber, I like don't really have an opinion. And so we were sort of trying in real time to piece together what the deal with Cats was as an as an original musical. Like, why was this even made? What is the deal? I'm so confused. Here, I got it.

Money for Coke. Yeah. Well, honestly, it seems like it because all I could really discern was that Andrew Lloyd Webber was really into the poetry of T.S. Eliot, which is like, you know, whimsical English countryside. You know, yeah. Fun, fun flowery language. Mr. Tiddlywinks. Yeah, the cat is named Mr. Tiddlywinks and that's great. So basically, Andrew Lloyd Webber was like, I am really into this sort of style.

let's just use the names of cats from T.S. Eliot poetry and make a musical about that, I guess. sure. And it's like sort of why I'm confused. then we get into the meat and bones of the musical, which ends up just being several character introduction songs. then the end. Nary a plot. Yes. No, they do not tell. I mean, Act one. Here's who the cats are. Act two. Wait, more cats for you to know.

Three question. More cats, Jellicle ball. That's it. Jennifer Hudson gets to go to heaven. She gets to go to heaven. She gets lifted up and given like a new cat form. Right. An opportunity, a second opportunity at life is sort of how they phrase it. My interpretation of this media has always been like when you go into the sky, into the Jellicle sky, that's how like a cat is reborn into the human world. That's kind of

The SWAMP (11:16.82)
That was like the energy I was getting from it, but this musical is so vague. They don't tell you anything. And you were sort of like, hey, can we just touch base on like some vocabulary, like jellicle? And I'm like, don't even worry about it. When they say jellicle, it actually doesn't really mean anything other than that they're jellicle cats. They're going to go to the jellicle ball. They're under the jellicle moon. It's just a word that they're saying. It's literally, mean, it's just one of those things like 20 minutes in, I realized, it's...

All bullshit. This whole thing is just all bullshit. Like, to one point, I would love to see this musical to have something to reference, but at the same time, if I found myself sitting through this two-hour musical... You're like, Jenny, any dots? I'm checking my fucking watch. I gotta get out of here. Pissed. my God. But really, if you haven't seen Cats, it is. They go through several musical numbers introducing different cats.

That's the whole, the whole thing. And that's the whole musical. And it doesn't really make a lot of sense because we never really get to understand our characters and like what they want or what they're trying to do. Other than that, that there's a talent show question mark. Basically. That that's the Jellicle ball and whoever wins. Yeah. there's a bad cat who really wants to like get. Idris Elba. Yeah. Idris Elba is like the bad cat who's like gonna get sent to heaven no matter what.

Yeah, he's like the sneaky bad cat. Again, we never really learned, like he also... Like why? What do they call it? Like the Never place or whatever? Basically Cat Heaven. He also wants to get to Cat Heaven. Sure. Is all we really know. Old Deuteronomy, Day and Judi Dench gets to pick the winner. Old Deuteronomy! Old Deuteronomy and Grizabella, the glamour cat. my god. They all just have really fun names and that's like kind of the whole film.

had only ever really known about the 1998 straight to VHS filmed version of the stage production. That was always an advertisement before whatever VHSes I was watching as a kid. So I was pretty familiar with how the stage makeup looks. Yes, yeah, I feel like that's something that is pretty well known. yeah. And it just made me really question altogether the use of CG.

The SWAMP (13:31.522)
for this movie. And I think that that is kind of the main criticism that we can get into is the CGI, the effects, it looks awful. There was the butthole cut. my God, please. Can we, we'll get into the butthole cut. Yeah, they, guess they had a version of the movie that like had the cat's buttholes out and then like a test audience watched it and was like, hey, like.

What was, the fuck was that about? Why do they have buttholes? Because the cats are so weirdly like anthropomorphic. Yeah. have human hands and human feet. Yeah, and a human face and nose. Right, but sometimes kind of a cat nose. Yeah, like it's a little more if you've got cat ears, they walk like cats, they're all furry. But they are proportionally human. So to a cat butthole. my God, and the proportions on this movie are so fucked. So basically, yeah, I...

Something is unrendered. Somebody did not get paid. Some sort of budget was not properly allocated in this film because the scale of the cats to the environment around them makes no goddamn sense. Constantly changing. soon as you start to sort of mentally track that, you're like, this movie is going out the fucking window. Yeah. Or earning any respect from me. Yeah. You'll essentially have the camera pan in and out.

and the cats will go from looking like they're like tiny little cats on a table to ginormous. And like human sized. And I can understand a little bit how it might be like a whimsical choice to be like, know, all of this sort of exists beyond the realms of, know, physics and reality and it's fun and magic and everything, but it wasn't even stylized to a point where it-

I could suspend my disbelief. was literally like, looked so bad that I was just more confused about the size of the Like make me not think about it because that's how bad it looked that I was like, wait, they're standing on a table and they're proportional to the table a different way than they were just proportional to the doorframe. Like it just doesn't make sense. The math was not mathing there. It just, looks really awful. I'm sure everyone can agree on that. We don't really have to extrapolate how visually horrendous this movie is. Just like,

The SWAMP (15:45.102)
All of the, if you look too long at any of the background characters as they're like moving, the effects on their face just are so fucking botched. you can tell like who they did a good job on like blending their Yeah, like Judi Dench, Ian McKellen. They did her good. And all of them, all the big stars they did and like, you the main girl, Victoria, they took the time with. Victoria is looking kind of botched at points in this movie as well. Interesting.

Yeah, not only is it visually fucked and musically, I think it's bad. think the music is not good. Not good at all. The singing is also bad. Yes. Like if you're going to do this, you should get singers to do this. I will at least give Jason Derulo some credit. He, yeah, he was fine. Rum Tom Tugger is a curious cat and he pulled it off.

Rebel Wilson, Why Were You There, James Corden. I mean, there's just like, if you're gonna do Mr. Mustafa, my God, that song went on for a decade. It's just kind of slow too. Like there aren't really enough like big good numbers to justify this. It's basically only memory. Only memory. I've never heard another song from Kat. This entire thing is to justify that.

one performance basically. Yeah, which is just the LeMiz or the cat's version of Fontine's. I dreamed a dream. dreamed a dream. Right. Which speaking of, this was directed by Mr. Tom Hooper who did do the 2012 LeMiz. Yep, I'm now realizing that this man is a hack. Yes. So Tom Hooper- Well, he won the Oscar for the King's Speech and then said, I can do whatever I want. Right. So the King's Speech, I personally don't really You hate it. I don't really like that movie.

But whatever, that aside, it got its flowers. Les Mis, I'll say- I like Les Mis! Aren't we biased? Like, does Les Mis actually kinda suck and we just really like it? I don't know, I'll tell you what, I had the pleasure of telling all of my coworkers about Russ La Rock. Russ La Rock, yes! the first time the other week, that was amazing. I also found out that he had another band in the late 90s.

The SWAMP (17:58.286)
I don't know the fucking name, something stupid still. This is, we're talking about Russell Crowe's music career. Yeah, sorry. Sorry for anyone that doesn't know the lore. The lore of Rus' La Rock. Yes, Russell Crowe had a brief music career. Which is shocking if you've heard him sing in Les Mis. Yeah, pre-fame. He originally was Rus' La Rock. Obsessed. Yeah, the song called, I Wanna Be Like Marlon Brando. Fantastic.

But he has another band. I couldn't tell you the name of it. But I mean, it is some of the most crunchy 90s like music video shit that you will ever see. Yeah, maybe I love the it's so bad. It's good. wait. So the theme of this month, we haven't really. Yeah, sorry. The theme of this month is that we're just going to cover really bad movies. Yeah. Like so bad that I find them fun to watch. Sure. Like so I didn't find this fun. Yeah. This was actually like torture. This was genuinely there's a small amount of movies that

I genuinely feel like we're wasting my time to watch for this podcast. This was one of them. my God.

I've gone my whole life without it. I like two hours that I cannot get back. Yeah. I had a little bit of fun watching you watch cats. That makes sense. Well, that's more fun. Right. Yeah. Which is why when you were like, I've never seen cats, I was like, you have to get your ass to my apartment. The only way this is going to be worth my time is that if I get to watch you watch cats. Cause I had heard that you didn't, it'd been like not too long since you'd watched cats before this. Like within the last six months. Yeah. Henry and I did a similar like debaucherous evening where we were like, we gotta get just slammed.

2019 cast. I think we were like maybe both coming off of having COVID or something. Like we like hadn't left our apartment in a long time or something. We're like, wait, let's watch Cats. We're crazy. Yeah. You've got like, not hay fever. What is it? Like, just like cabin fever. Cabin fever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so we recently did it and had a fairly jaunty time because it's just, it's so easy to make fun of. Yes.

The SWAMP (19:57.004)
as you're watching and it's just sort of absurd, right? Cause you're watching this and like suddenly I'm like, this must go all the way to the top as far as questions I have of like why, who, who owed who money? Like I need to know why this was so bad because it's almost like purposefully bad. Cause like no one asked for this. I feel like I've been tortured because I was questioning. So Tom Hooper, layman's we like can speech, has its accolades or whatever.

I'll give it a hard five. The Danish girl, incredibly questionable. Yeah. on the whole. Yeah. I like Delicia Vikander's performance in that movie, but the rest of it is... The decisions that were made there. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and then we have this, obviously. And just clearly such a hack. And from interviews, he said that he just like really loved the musical and wanted to like pay homage to it. Sure. And they did a similar thing that they did with Les Mis, that they filmed it all live.

So the singing and the dancing they did in a studio and they're like, it's we're singing it live. They are doing the same thing for the Wicked movie. Did you know that as well? feel like I did know that. It's just not the same because like you have to know where the line is between Les Mis and Cats. You can't you can't treat those the same. Right. So it's just fundamentally wrong from the jump. Well, it's especially with that cast like

The cast for Les Mis, besides Russell Crowe, can all sing beautifully. Well, also though, like contextually, they were also filming that like in sets. Yes, on a stage. On a sound stage that looks exactly like, yeah, just I'm sure it was a sound stage now, but it was a green screen sound stage. green. It's like all... Why are you getting these amazing stage performers? Ian McKellen, Judi Dench.

people who I'm sure even Jennifer Hudson is a consummate Broadway professional. Yeah, yeah. She made sure that we knew that. I will say that showed through. Yeah, for the one moment that needs to be justified, right? She did knock it out of the park, but the rest of the movie is just not worth it. Dog shit. Afterwards, I just pulled up a YouTube compilation of best performances of memory. out Kurt Hummel from Glee. Yes, of course. But I'm because that's all I really want, right? I just want to watch someone belt memory. Yes.

The SWAMP (22:20.354)
But filming it in a green screen, like the inclusion of CGI is just the strange thing to me because if you really wanted to do an homage to cats, you would do the makeup. the best makeup in the world. Yeah, like really knock it out of the park with really awesome sets and then like do a live recording of, you know, a stage production. I think that could have been really cool. I actually, I believe that there is a nugget of something good deep within cats that we could, that we can pull out.

You know, I think there's something that we could find here. It's like the stink spirit and spirit it away. It's just like a blob of mud. Yeah, And that's what cats is and we have to hose it away. Yeah, yeah. Someone that's really brave enough and like has like a pure heart has to be the one to find it and like take cats as like one good thing and make it shine. And I think that that is gay people because...

I sent you a TikTok, there's this really amazing TikTok of these like ballroom vulgar dancers. yes, they did a Jellicle Ball, right? Who were doing like ballroom to the Jellicle Cats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like doing the Jellicle Ball in like a ballroom setting, which that totally checks to me. And I'm like reimagining this whole thing of like the cats are drag queens or like just like circus performer or like cabaret.

burlesque performers and you each get to introduce yourself and like, I'm this kind of cat. I mean is basically what you do in drag anyways. Right, and so that's why I'm like, this whole thing as like a ballroom kind of burlesque show makes way more sense, right? Truly, To do like, each cat gets a very stylized costume and sort of a setting and a song. And then we just move on to the next one and then we get a big number at the end. And I think that could be really cool.

if you actually invested time into making the cats themselves interesting. They need to be have cool costumes. What the fuck was that JCPenney ass Chevron sequined thing they put on Jennifer Hudson? bad. And like the fur coats. They just put Judy in a fur coat and Ian in a fur coat. I get it. They're cats, it's fur coats. And like the more rough, the more rough and tumble cats who are from the bad side of town. It's like they never said that Jennifer Hudson was a prostitute, but they basically all but

The SWAMP (24:40.622)
They all but were saying that basically, which again, piece of media is generally regarded as being like PG. Crazy because of how horny this was. This so horny. I believe cats, somebody can clock me if I'm wrong, but I believe that the cultural perception of cats as one of the longest running Broadway and West End productions, I do believe. which is insane. It's like generally family-friendly content.

So you go, and it's just like cats singing and they're like, I'm Rum Tum Tum, the curious cat. Like it's so PG. Why was this movie so horned up? I'm shocked that they didn't have dicks and balls. They borderline did because, so we have Victoria, our main character cat who just was giving me nothing. Virginal blank slate. Blank slate. was the...

actress they cast was a ballet dancer. Makes sense. There's one sequence that they really showed her off for and that was it. In the original Cats, do believe Victoria is the ballet cat. She's the graceful ballet dancer. So I get that, but to sort of have her be our protagonist who we're following her story and her journey just didn't really make a lot of sense because I never really fucking gave a shit about No, there's nothing to latch on to.

There's nothing to latch on to any one of these cats. They just tell you who they are. And then I have no- And so they want to get to heaven. And then I no reference for anything afterwards. Like, I don't understand, like, I want to know what their relationships are. Right, yeah. You know, I want to understand what this community is. Because basically they've cast Jennifer Hudson, Grizzabella, the glamour cat. They sort of cast her away for being associated with Idris Elba.

Basically, like the evil cats, like to represent that, we sort of just get a song where they call her glamorous in a way that sounds derogatory. Yeah. So, so a prostitute. She's so glamorous and she just like has her fur coat on. I was just like, whatever. Yeah. She's like coughing and like walking with a limp or whatever. said, you were like, does she have feline aids? No, truly. They should have like, was that, did I miss Was that implied? Was that implied? I love a cat with feline aids.

The SWAMP (26:47.63)
I was gonna try to come up with like a nice little ditty, a cute little tune about Jen, how she's the cat who comes and asks you two questions and you say which one you like better and that's chocolate or vanilla and it's like do do do do do.

tap dancing for some reason. We, you know, some of us have on brown and we dance to one side because we're team chocolate and you have like big some vanilla bean pods that you're using as a cane or something. I can really see this happening. Hi, Jen. How are you? I am good. Jen saw this movie in the theaters when it came out in 2019. I did. Do you have any thoughts? Yeah, please. I just remember being

really excited for it and being just so disappointed. well, yes. Well, and so thus is our theme this month, in a sense. But I love 2019, Katz. This movie's a dumpster fire that I just cannot look away from. So is there a theme for this week's Chocolate or Vanilla? No theme. No theme. Let's go. Hell yeah. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate. I'm going go chocolate tonight. chocolate for the sweep.

earmuffs or that headband that covers your ears? See, the fact that it doesn't even have a name, the fact that you're trying to just describe to me that piece of fabric that some like, you know, some people are just really trying to make that happen. If that works for you, that's fine. But earmuffs classic. Do you feel like earmuffs work, though? The only earmuffs I ever have. I feel like we're not.

doing their job very well. I actually was a girly who wore earmuffs for style quite a bit. Of course you were. In my middle school days, some really- In August. Really, really fuzzy earmuffs in the middle of summer to make a statement. Love. That was very me. Okay. Mm-hmm. Okay. So you weren't wearing them- For earworms. yeah, okay, okay. No, not at all. I can't say I've ever used them as a fashion piece.

The SWAMP (28:54.21)
So I am going to go for the headband because I do find that she does a better job at keeping my ears all nice and toasty. Yeah, see that headband for me does not stay in place and it only messes up my hair. So I'm going to go with the earmuffs. Do you feel like they do their job, though? The earmuffs? I mean, a good hat with some ear flaps is the real solution here. the earmuffs are only slightly better than nothing.

Okay. Yeah, but it is still better than nothing. A hood. I would go with a hood. A hood. Yeah. And in the end, true answer is just a hood. a hood. Plain &Ms or peanut &Ms? Plain. Classic. Actually, I don't really care for peanut &Ms. Controversial take, maybe. Peanut &Ms have actually been my movie snack as of late, so I'm gonna go peanut. With popcorn, I do see because, you know, the salty. It's really good. I will give you that.

I can see the vision. It's really just not for me. Fair enough. Yeah, I would pick plain, but one time we had an party where we got all the different kinds of &Ms and Peanut won the vote of all the different kinds of &Ms. Yeah, which just doesn't make a lot of sense to Peanut did or, wait, plain? Peanut did. Peanut did? Pretzel? Five hundred was gonna say what's your top? Is pretzel your... I would say the pretzel is probably the numero uno.

Jen? What's that? What's your top I would say the pretzel one. Interesting. We're a big pretzel household. I like the caramel ones as well. The caramel ones are like weird in like a fucked up kind of way. I kinda like them. Yeah, I didn't say I didn't like them. I think peanut's my number one though. Peanut butter though. I feel like I grew up on peanut butter ones. But then I just want a racy peasy. Exactly. Yeah, I don't like the peanut butter on it.

next one. Turn the clocks back or turn the clocks forward. Very timely. Whatever we just had. Yeah, I want more sleep. I want more sleep. That one. Yeah, feel like there's an objective. Actually, I also do want to pick the unspoken third thing, which is can we get rid of it, please? We should totally get rid of it. Yeah. So I like the extra hour of sleep, but I hate that it's pitch black at like 430 today. Yeah, it's fucking me up. I'm sad. Yeah.

The SWAMP (31:21.922)
Yeah, no wonder I did nothing all day and I want to enroll in like a in like a human study where they see if I can hibernate. Like I think I could do it. If someone could, it would definitely be you. Yeah, I agree with you. So I'll turn the clocks forward because I want more daylight at the end of the day. Yeah, that's practical. You're right for that. Next one is risotto or gnocchi. Risotto.

Maybe just because I just had risotto. My husband Hank makes a fire risotto and we used it to pay it forward to my dad who drove us to the airport. We're like, we'll make you risotto in return because that's simply all we can do. That's a good one. Fire, some fire risotto. I would say that's an even trade. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would try to get to the airport for risotto. And Yoki's fire as well though. this is really tough. I tried to make Yoki myself once and they came out bad.

Mine did too. Yeah. I did a sweet potato gnocchi though. maybe other You're more of a risk, but. Yeah, but still. Well, because I'm, I'm feeling like what am I making? And I don't, I can't say that I make a great risotto yet. So I think I'm going to go gnocchi I guess. I feel a little safer with her. And that's something I do always try to order at a restaurant because I know that they'll make it and I, that's not something I can make at home. So it's like a special thing for us. exactly. Yeah. Both are tough, tough one.

Yeah, I would say same. I shout out to Henry's risotto because it was amazing. I had a things. Given the choice between these two, I want gnocchi with a pink vodka sauce. Ooh, fire. Next one, mittens or gloves? Mittens. Easy. Gloves? No. Too much surface area touching my hands. I like that my fingers, I can still kind of move them independently inside the mittens.

You don't feel like you're like limited with a mitten? I think if I'm wearing mittens, I don't want to be doing anything anyways. I want to just be getting can move my fingers inside my mittens, but I can't use my hands for anything. I want the mitten that you can pull the top off and it frees your fingers so you can touch the front one. I want like a complex ergonomically designed mittens. That would be good. That would be good. I'm a glove kind of guy.

The SWAMP (33:49.228)
No, I need a glove. I need to feel secure and I feel still nimble. I like a puffy, warm mitten. Yes. You can't do anything. This makes so much sense for both of you. Yeah, I want it to be like a cooking mitt. I want that level of mittens. Next one is a cinnamon walnut coffee cake or a cranberry orange walnut coffee cake. I cinnamon walnut. Cinnamon walnut.

Easily. That sounds nice. I've been lately coming around to Craisins though. I know you said cranberry, not Craisins. I'm like, I'm staunch raisin hater. But as of late, I've been incorporating a Craisins into my Gravina. are nice. They're pretty fire. I like a Craisins on a salad. I will also pick cinnamon walnut though. Molten lava cake or a brownie sundae? I love a brownie sundae. Yeah, like a hot.

Dense brownie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. That is a near perfect dessert. Yeah, I gotta agree with you on that. Yeah, I'm brownie sundae with you guys. Last one. Arthur or Dragon Tales? Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales. Arthur is also so fire though. Arthur encouraging kids to go to the library.

iconic Ziggy Marley. That's a great theme song as well. Actually, now that I'm talking about it, the answer is totally Arthur. Arthur's the right choice. Dragon Tales was really good as well. Absolutely. classic PBS shit. Yeah, no, Arthur though is, yeah. Arthur's great. Iconic. There are other books too. Yup. By Mark Brown, very iconic kids books. Arthur used to look like a dead ass fucking anteater. He had a snout. Then they fucking got, he got a rhinoplasty.

and got put on TV. They TV'd him up. They glammed Arthur. I love all the memes about like Mr. Ratburn and the gay wedding. Yes, the gay rat wedding. And like there's one, there's this one and they're all at lunch and Muffy has two sandwiches and a bread roll. Somebody's just like, girl the carbs or something. It's like so, the rabbit wearing the headphones on the side of his head and not on his rabbit ears.

The SWAMP (36:01.122)
That show is just... They don't do it like that anymore. Yeah, no, truly. No, I love Arthur as a kid. Yeah, Arthur for the sweep for sure. yeah. And that is it for Off the Dome. Threw it together in five minutes. Chocolate or vanilla? Because I did not know where I was going tonight. Much like the film Cats, this was thrown together at the last minute.

And unlike the film, Cats, this was great and we had a wonderful time. Thank you, Jen. We will see you next week. Okay, I love you guys so much. Have an awesome night. Love you Bye. should we talk about the Taylor Swift of it all? Speaking of feline aids. Speaking of, well, so that's kind of where I was getting with this all feeling a little too horny is that Victoria. my God.

The she is very cat-like in her body. And she just sort of has this human face and the human hands and feet and she sort of moves around, but she's otherwise generally Yeah, they blended her pretty, Most of the cats are generally sexless. And then we get introduced to Jason Derulo. Jason Derulo is the first horny cat. Who cannot help, but just bring a certain level of horniness to this presentation. Yes, yeah. Even if there's not a bulge present, I feel one present. But then he gets even more absurd with this added Taylor Swift number.

where they gave her tits. Yeah, you pointed this out to me. They gave her like a big cat titties. But in comparison to the other cats, the other cats don't have titties. So it didn't make any sense. They're like, Imagine if they gave Judi Dench cat titties. Right, but it doesn't make any sense to do to Taylor either. we just have to- Well, no, because Taylor needs to be fuckable always, even if she's a cat. It's so, so absurd. And then why did they also make the Idris Elba cat?

The Timber Swift cat is actually, she was not a jealous cat. She was also kind of one of the evil cats, I think, right? Because she did her musical number in junction with Idris Elba. Yeah, they were having like a little romp with it. But his cat body was also like shredded. yeah. They gave him pecs. Yeah, like he looks like if you took off the fur, you could put him in a Marvel movie.

The SWAMP (38:12.59)
felt personally violated by Idris Elba's cat body. Like why? He was packing. Like I was straight up like, is he bricked up under that morph suit? I mean, probably. They were like, here Idris, you have to take this so you have a semi. During the filming of the number in this morph suit. my God. Well, not only did they give her Taylor cat titties, she was doing the weirdest fucking accent the entire time. I didn't know if it was. breathy. Was it British?

It sounded bad. Well, yeah. The singing sounded bad. It was really breathy. It was really weird. She's not built for Broadway. I'm going to say no one actually really sounds good other than Miss Jennifer Hudson. Yeah, I'd say so. I'd say you're right. Because even like the sound mixing, like the performances given by Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, even Jason Derulo are not horrendous vocal performances, but it's not Broadway. But it just wasn't. It just didn't feel right. The whole thing is such a dumpster fire that even those were not.

for you at all. Yeah. I'd I'd call them on par. No, I'd say they're better than like Pierce Brosnan and Mamma Mia, but not by much. by much. Yeah, tiller sounds like shit. She's got that weird accent, which I guess the cats are supposed to be British, but it doesn't really matter. Yeah, whatever. Whatever they say. I don't know.

There's Mungo Jerry, there's Rumple Teaser, Mr. Mostavlis. I was gonna say, do you have a favorite cat name? mean, old Deuteronomy is really- Old Deuteronomy makes me giggle. And they call her old dude at some point, or like dude, which I really like. Deuteronomy has a cat name. I mean, of course, Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat. He's a really fire. Because sometimes a cat is just being a little Rum Tum Tugger. Like, I get that vibe of a name.

Mungo Jerry and Rumble Teaser are both great. I hate Jenny Anydots. Fuck the entire Rebel Wilson number of this fucking was pretty bad. Like truly, it seemed like they just put Rebel Wilson in a green morph suit and let her run around the set with no vision. And then they were like, and then she's gonna show her cat pussy and it's gonna be hilarious. she's gonna bend over a bunch of times and do kind of a weird voice.

The SWAMP (40:34.062)
cockroaches, she'll eat one up at one point. Who cares? You know, it's Jenny and he does. Hate it. We gotta get introduced to her so that she can just kind of hang around in the background for the rest of the play. Well, yes, of course. No. Old Deuteronomy does make me giggle. I like Ian McKellen's cat, goes by Gus, but he said his real name is Asparagus. yep. also, Skimbleshine's the real way cat. Yeah, yeah. These are good cat names. Like I will give Yeah, I will say.

I do like the name Mr. Mistoffelees. I will say it feels like I should be in a Wes Anderson movie. Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. Yes, of course. It rolls off the tongue. That's why I'm saying that there is something here. There's something I think that could be successful here. It's just not like this. It's not like this. And honestly, and not even in the original format.

either. Like it needs to be less tap dancing and we need to like elevate this I think. It needs to be a higher energy. Should we talk about the tap dancing? Because we had a discussion while watching this about tap dancing. Where do you land on it? Yeah, I mean, I don't love to watch a tap dance. I find tap dancing rather delightful. It's okay. I think I want a prop with a tap dance. I think a cane or something to spin around a set to interact with.

That's the part of tap dancing that I find endearing is like, it's kind of campy and we're kind of leaning into that. If you're watching singing in the rain though. A too serious tap dance. I'm like, I get that you're technically very proficient in this, but come on. Like let's bring up the twinkle toes level. Maybe I'm just still coming off of my Billy Elliot watch. Right, high on that. No, but I was specifically regarding like when tap dancing would become an ick.

as well as like a hot person tap dancing. Like how good of a tap dancer do you have to be in order for that to like be beyond- I think you have to be like a seven to be able to tap dance in general. At least a seven, yeah. Yeah. And you certainly have to have that sort of like zero shame theater kid energy about you where you're like, I'm gonna do this really lame thing really well. Yeah, like that video of Mike face dancing at the wedding. Right, yeah, hot, hot.

The SWAMP (42:41.474)
Yeah, he's like it's cringe, but I do think it's really hot. He's my reference point for like theater kid, Ickness. Like if my face can do it and I still think he's hot, then I have to give everyone else, you know, at least. Yeah, fair trial. Right. Yeah. But speaking of movies and dancing, we did a bit of a tier list. Yes. So after we watched Cats, we were like, well, this was awful. And we were like, so obviously would be at the bottom. So we did a little tier from.

being the top and then just an ABCD, D being bottom of the barrel. think Cass is the only one we have in D tier. It's gotta be really bad to put it into D tier. And our stipulations for this ranking system were that it had to be a movie based off of a stage production of a musical. We have one or two. We have a couple that are, yeah, on the fringe, but it's not like just because they sing in a movie doesn't make it a musical for this situation. We're doing specifically...

Movies that weren't musicals. Yeah, we're not talking Joker, Falle, I do. my god. Get that shit out of my face. That is D tier. Yeah. But so Cats, yeah, D tier. For C tier, which is just like, you know, passable, fine. We had Into the Woods, Rent, the new Mean Girls movie. I haven't seen it. Phantom of the Opera, you said, would you move this up in retrospect? Would you move Phantom of I'd maybe put it into a B. Yeah.

I can't tell if that's because of my history with Phantom of the Opera. Right, I mean, yeah, of course you have to leverage nostalgia. did grow up on that one. But then sort of ascending closer to the B tier, but still in the C, we had the color purple, the new movie with Fantasia. yeah, I didn't see it. Dream Girls and West Side Story.

West Side Story, Fully and B. In my opinion. right, then moving up to B, we've got West Side Story, Fiddler on the Roof, Cabaret, which I've never seen. It's fine. And the last five years, which I also haven't seen. That's a bit, that I probably would put like right on the cusp like C and B. It's fine enough. that one for West Side Story. It's fine enough. I really did like the new West Side Story honestly. Like except for answering. Barring, barring.

The SWAMP (44:51.854)
Boring Ansel Elgort, who genuinely did give a pretty ass performance. Besides the fact that he is a shitty person. Right, it's yeah, His performance is bad. Color wise and everything, I'm like, my, and the dancing, it's Spielberg, come Spielberg knows how to get it done. Yeah, Rachel Z, another consummate professional. Yeah, I mean. In our A tier, have Les Mis, maybe a biased Les Mis. I love it, I really love it.

Which we also yeah, that doesn't fully count but we are still putting it there and then we have mama Mia Which is tipping up into the s-tier. Yeah, you find her more to be a tear But I think she says and then in s we have Chicago of course hairspray Yes, and then the sound of music and singing in the rain, which I think both technically are not like based on Broadway But we have to have to yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen singing in the rain? No

It's genuinely worth it, honestly. It's really fun to watch. I know the iconic musical numbers, obviously, through cultural osmosis of the tap dancing, and the rain, and the white post. Well, of course, yes. Of course. But yeah, I've never actually I would genuinely recommend it. It is one that you're like, wow, they used to do these things right. Right, yeah, because somebody had to learn how to dance a number, and somebody had to yeah, someone went to the hospital after doing this number twice.

Really? It was like that. yeah, the one, do you remember in Glee, Mike Chang did it from Singing in the Rain? He did it with Will. it's like spinning. It's a lot of spinning. Yeah, it's a lot of like prop work and stuff like, yeah. Yeah, that kind of top dancing. I thought it was some prop work. Yeah, but yeah, the guy that did it, he like had to do it another time and he ended up in the hospital. I don't know, he smoked like six packs of cigarettes a day. Obviously, obviously. was like, do he, he drinking the Coke that

and it was like, violently spinning around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like doing like the most insane flips and the most physical dance I've ever seen in my life. my God. I'm like, he punctured along. Yeah, sounds about right. checks. Yeah, absolutely. Did they, is there gonna be like a Fred Astaire biopic that they're like casting for? No, I think that's, I think that's been, people have just been pulling for that because they wanted Tom Holland in it.

The SWAMP (47:08.59)
but I think Mike Face could also do a great Friday Absolutely, absolutely. And watching this sort of got my gears grinding about the Wicked movie. If we wanna talk about some- Happy to. Some pre Wicked movie chit chat, I Even though we've been like ragging on it for the last month, but you know. Well, I think this Cats movie sort of is, got me thinking, especially about the like the whole live singing. Yeah, tell me. And the sort of decisions that you-

have to make when adapting a stage production for a film. think Cats is a great example of how the way they went about it made no sense. Right? Because like you said, tap dancing is best with prop work and interacting with your environment. And you're giving these people literally nothing. They were just walking. They were just walking. They were just walking. And then the rest got CG'd in afterwards, you know? And it just looks like ass. So I think finding the magic in Cats and then putting it to film

requires more thought than recreating cats and filming it. Right? And so I think similarly with Wicked, it's like, do we capture like movie magic with something that's a stage play? And it's they're not doing it because I mean, just the color grading looks like ass. Everything is awfully backlit. It's like you have such a wonderful excuse to be campy and have

really cool stuff going on. It's like this really whimsical Wizard of Odyssey setting. Just like, Jesus Christ, Wizard of Oz was fucking Technicolor! Just make it fucking Technicolor! It's just everything so washed out and lifeless and characterless that it's astounding to watch, because I'm like, how did you manage to make Wicked look boring and gray?

It's weird. I mean, I'm gonna go see it. And I like Cynthia Arrevo. I think she's a wonderful singer. Yes. And that is the one thing I will say. think that vocally, it's going to be insanely strong. Yeah. I can't argue with Ariana Grande. Like, I will say fine. I'll give it to you. She can be your Glenda, whatever. Cynthia Arrevo, Powerhouse.

The SWAMP (49:15.532)
very excited for Jonathan Bailey. Right. I'm so excited, especially hearing that they filmed or they recorded it all live. Right, yeah. Very excited for that. SpongeBob. Yeah, sure. I do forget that Jeff Goldblum is in this and Michelle Yeoh. Yeah, Michelle Yeoh. So we'll see. But yeah, I am not. I also don't understand because it's this is one of two parts, correct? And they're not marketing it to.

inform the audience of that in any way. just saying wicked. It's just saying wicked, not wicked part one or part one up to act one, none of that. Also, Wicked is a musical that is notorious for kind of dragging in the second act. Yeah. You're going to do act one as the movie, which is really all the good stuff. And now you're going to make a second movie, which did they film them at the same time? I don't know. It would make sense if they did, but I just don't understand. It just doesn't need it. It doesn't need it. I almost wondered.

It's a two hour musical, making a two hour movie. No, it's the runtime of the movie is longer, is about the same as the runtime of the whole stage production. That's cracked to me. So that means they're doubling, they're doubling the content, doesn't make any sense. Girl, with what? Yeah. And I was just... it's just more of a, it's the cash grab of it. Well, of course, yes. But I was almost wondering if they hadn't gotten part to Greenlit. So they were, they are...

Basing, you know the existence on part two if part one makes enough money is is my Sort of conspiracy theory right that part two hasn't been greenlit yet But that doesn't make any sense though because it clearly has so much money behind it because what yeah Well, yeah, but I'm like why wouldn't you advertise that there's a second part coming? Unless there's some chance of it not holding up. You know what I mean? It's it's just bizarre. It's truly

Which is strange. And they are just like fumbling every marketing step along the way as well, which has been kind of brilliant to watch. Like even the recent Cynthia, Cynthia Arrevo, like calling out the AIR. love it. It's like so funny to me. Yeah. The Kim Kardashian shit. my God. So bad. So dystopian. Gross. Disgusting. Okay. What movie would you pay for them? If you had, if you had Kardashian money? The Hunger Games.

The SWAMP (51:37.804)
What movie? you would do Up Your House. Easily The Hunger Games. Not even that it's like replaying. You're just like, I need to get Elizabeth Banks to my house in an Effie Trinkie costume. Exactly, yes. Like, I don't care that it's not 2012. We're doing this today. Yeah, yeah. I would feed my inner child. I love those tweets that are like, you know, Paul Mescal and Denzel Washington can do this at my house. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, Or same as the like, Timothee Chalamet lookalike competition. Like, Dev Patel lookalike competition at my apartment.

It's Friday night. Love. The same way about like, know, yeah, Gladiator 2 can have a party at my house. Truly. they like. Yeah, yeah. Gladiator 2 releasing in 4D. I will be there. Yeah. my God. So yeah, we'll probably try to do that one on the Patreon this month. would guess. Gladiator. Definitely. I'm riled up for Gladiator. Yeah. Don't get me started. But.

Should we get into it? Yeah, our regularly scheduled programming. So you're going to fuck Mary-Kill. I think we just have to open it up to all the cats. And I think you have to you have to anthropomorphize yourself as a cat. Well, yes. So you're a Jellicle cat in the gel. Well, I'm not going to label you as Jellicle. Actually, you can be like Jennifer Hudson. You could be on the outskirts. Yeah, but you're a cat human and you're in this world. And clearly, the cats do get horny because we do kind of see some.

some sparks or something, at least some cheek rubbing. Something, yeah. So I feel like I wanna marry, I wanna marry Judi Dench, obviously. I wanna marry an old Deuteronomy. You wanna be Mrs. Deuteronomy? Yeah, I wanna be like, know, she's the older well-to-do part of our relationship. I'm like her kind of personal assistant and I'm like fluffing her pillows. Sure.

and really treating her like the queen she is. I'm like, yeah, I'm like her much younger boyfriend, Kat. I think. For old Deuteronomy, which I love. And then I'm gonna fuck, I've gotta fuck the Jason Derulo cat. He's the one bringing the most to the table. think he's just gonna show me, he's like, rum tum tugger is a curious cat. Let's get into it. And then you know who I'm gonna kill? I'm gonna kill the protagonist. I'm gonna kill Victoria.

The SWAMP (53:53.454)
She got dumped in that bag. And let's just keep her in the bag, her in the river. I do have to kill the Taylor Swift cat. Yeah, that's fair as well. Bombolernia. Bombolarena? Yeah. I would say Bombolernia. I'm surprised you didn't kill Jenny Anydots. I would also kill Jenny Anydots. I'm gonna marry Gus the theater cat. I would love to live in the theater with him. I think we would have a lovely home.

I'm okay with, you know, kind of taking care of him. In his old age. In his old age. He'll leave me the theater as my space. And then I'm gonna fuck the Idris Elba cat. Yeah, hot. Weird, no, but like too hot to be a cat. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. It is what it is. Wait, I take it back. I want to kill the Gems Corden cat. Fuck! Wait! it's like kill, kill, kill. It's like who, which cat do I want to kill the most? Every single cat.

Andrew Lloyd Webber also hated this movie. There was like the- I think that's the least he deserves. He should hate this He should be allowed to hate this movie as No, I think that's like, that's fair. He made a musical that was so bad that like he should have something sort of media that he hates of it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, he did that to us. So someone had to do it to him. Right. Yeah. had to be Tom Hooper. But yeah, I'm just like, I'm like hack now. I'm like, full, he's a hack. Yeah, we'll see what he does next. Hard to say.

And then you're gonna have your cat's 2019 party, which is just an absurd thought to have. What are you gonna serve your guests other than like bleach maybe? I know. I think I like what we did and we had cookies. We had a variety of cookies, honestly. Because other than that, it's like, what am I gonna serve? I'm like gonna do a milky cocktail, which is already ass.

I'm gonna have you do a mudslide, because that's at least a little bit better than everything else. So, get a mudslide and a plethora of different cookies and just fucking go to town. Yeah, like a milk and cookies. Yeah, this isn't something I wanna like eat a meal with. Right. Yeah, yeah. Because I am too busy like mouth breathing because I'm picking my jaw up Exactly, exactly. What about you? How absurd it is. I thought that I was sort of...

The SWAMP (56:06.158)
trying to envision like all the cats drinking from the bowl together. And in a way you could do like a scorpion bowl. I like that. But then I was like, what about like a milk based cocktail? That'd be disgusting. Scorpion bowl. I'm like, that's rank. Like a scorpion bowl full of white Russian. my God. That's the most ranked thing I can think of. So, I mean, I think you do classic scorpion bowl. Just do like like a rum. Yeah, let's go regular. A rum based tiki drink. You're not doing a...

A cream, maybe something with coconut cream in it, maybe. can you imagine? Maybe like, Pina Colada, something with coconut cream. sure. If we're really married to the idea of it being milky, I guess. But like a scorpion bowl. And I think you should have a seven layer dip. Because I think that's what this movie is to me, is just- God, so I can shit myself later? So, it's a hot mess. So yeah, I think you should have your Pina Colada and your seven layer dip with-

the 2019 film Cats. I think you wanna feel awful after this. mean, like, I guess so. I wanna have diarrhea afterward to purge my body of the experience I just had. Yeah, so once you're done having diarrhea and vomiting all over the place, what are you putting on afterwards? I... Well, part of me is like any of the movie musicals we just named in the A or S tier. Yeah. We really need to... I was gonna say, like, your favorite, like...

Comfort Musical. I don't, what would be Mine would be Chicago. would say Chicago. After this, I wanna watch something so good and so like done by wonderful professionals. Right, or even literally lame is. Yeah, literally lame is, fine. But that's too long. This movie felt seven hours my God. It's under two hours. It's an hour and 50 minutes. It felt like had a gun to my head the entire time. Hour and 50 minutes. I think the first 20 minutes.

We watched and then I was like, okay, we've got to be halfway through. And then I paused it. 20 minutes, yeah. I saw how much time was left and I was like, Emily, this is bad. It was jarring. This is Yeah, it was really bad. I almost feel like you want to put on like Broad City. Like I want to put on something snappy. Something snappy that's going to get me to laugh and get the point across. Like honestly, I'm like, need to factory rewire my brain to like engage with something. Yeah. Yeah, fair enough.

The SWAMP (58:24.558)
Yeah, I'm gonna go Chicago though. That movie's only like an hour 40 anyways. yeah. I mean, you can also put on some performances of memory on YouTube. just anything else. just get the sense of like this stage production. That's what we did. We watched them. And I mean, it's a beautiful song and it's really amazing. I think you should watch the YouTube, the full length YouTube video of Susan Boyle.

singing memory on Britain's Got Talent. You love a Susan Boyle And God knows what year. I love Susan Boyle. She's a national treasure. She's a delight. It's true. She's a beautiful singer. It's true. And like you said, you're like, this is kind of like an opera. I think people who It is technically an opera because- People who can sing at that like level of proficiency is just, it's so moving. Yeah. To a certain point. So like we're talking about tap dancing. Like if you're a 10,

anything. It's just like jaw-droppingly astounding. So like opera singing, tap dancing, what have you. Susan Boyle, she's just a fucking 10. Yeah, absolutely. Can't argue with that. Love her. Yeah. So I think you should follow the link in the description below and go watch Susan Boyle sing. Hell yeah. Because she needs more views. Susan Boyle needs more virality, obviously. So she's a 10. What would you rate this movie? I mean, I think this movie goes beyond ratings. I think it's truly like a zero.

Like, a one. Like literally the lowest I could give it. One, it was hardly even fun. No, like I said, it felt like work. Yeah. Yeah, of how bad, truly exhausting and bad and you keep getting introduced to cats and you're like, I know this isn't even gonna come up. It's not even gonna matter. No, it doesn't matter later. That's the fucking thing.

None of it matters. Which I'll say, having never seen it, no interest in cats as an entity and any other, like, I don't want to see it on the stage. I don't want to, you know, I'm saying that there could be a good like ballroom drag version, a nugget in here somewhere. If someone wants to extract that from me, I'll gladly go see your version of cats. as until then, as is by the books, cats is not doing it for me. No, I'm good on it. I will never revisit this.

The SWAMP (01:00:31.212)
I will never see the stage production. I'm all set. Which yeah, it's like the longest, it was like the longest running show ever on Broadway. Which is nuts. Which is, like wild. But I think it's because it was generally considered to good family-friendly entertainment. you could take your whole family to go see it, which is like kind of absurd. Yeah, whatever you say. Thank you all for listening. Please send us some suggestions of like movies that are so bad.

that you have so much fun watching them. Because even if we don't cover them for this month, I love to watch movies like that. I think my husband Henry and I, I would say 50 % or more of our movie nights comprise of bad action movies that we watch on purpose because we love to watch stuff that's bad. Yeah, this was birthed out of you watching a bad movie. Right. So love bad stuff. We're gonna do that all this month. Getting riled up, being a hater, being critical. Of course. Put on your critical media lenses and just decide.

that stuff is bad and that you can have opinions. I don't know. Rolling with that. We love you all. Thank you for listening. If you could click the links in the description below and follow us on social media if you don't already, or more importantly, if you could give us a star rating on whatever platform you're listening to. I know I don't like to beg, but I'll beg, I'll beg just like Grizabella the Glamour Cat begging to be touched. I will beg you to please- Please give us a star or two.

would, Yeah, ideally five! If you can hack You don't have to even type anything, if you can just click the... But if you wanna say something, I would love to hear it as well. Same goes for DMing us, tell us all the stuff. We love you all. Thank you for listening.