Boogie Nights

In case you're like me and thought this movie was about disco... please be prepared to hear us talk about the adult film industry in the 70s, along with the topics that surround that such as sex, violnce, drug use, misogyny etc. 

ALSO we give some praise to Marky Mark for his performance in this film, but be reminded that he is a bad guy who has done some pretty terrible, racist stuff. 

That being said, this movie fckn rocks. Rest in peace Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.238)
Are you a star? Are you a big bright shining star? Because I'm whipping up my hog and I know I am. No, I can't say I am. Yeah. Damn. Well, you're gonna have to get that energy up before we shoot, all right? No, I know. No, mine's unfortunately detachable, so. As was Mark Wahlberg's in this movie. I know, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Is that this?

I have, I've watched part of this movie, I had never seen the whole thing. Watching this movie and realizing that the entire thing was just one big punchline to show us a massive prosthetic cock was crazy. Worth, worth the payoff. Yeah, and it was a phenomenal movie. If it took us three hours to get to the punchline of that joke, then I don't care. Like, then it was worth, yeah, it was worth every second of it. I also feel like, so we're talking about 1997's Boogie Nights, directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.

furthering the intersection between last month's theme, which was ensemble casts, which has just bled into this month where we're doing period pieces. And this is about the 70s and then turn into the 80s, but I would say it's primarily a 70s era period piece. definitely, you know, we get about how the 80s and the downfall and all of that. So, know, a touch of both. But I just don't know. I don't think they realized how this movie was going to age.

in the sense that it's Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. Well, Sans the Funky Bunch, actually. Just Marky Mark. And from what we know today, Mark Wahlberg, one of the smallest penis-seeming individuals of all time, they put this man on screen and everyone is like, my God, I get the sense that this boy has a hog. What do you mean? That's Mark Wahlberg. There's no way it's more than three. How can you have small dick energy?

There's a big cock around here. It gets to smell it on him. But just expense. I understand that, you know, he's kind of a skinny teen. Where are we getting this information from though? Notoriously small cock Mark Wahlberg or like, are you just saying he has tiny dick energy? It's tiny dick energy. There's no way a man that insecure has a big dick like that. absolutely, absolutely. It's not more than three inches.

The SWAMP (02:24.654)
For a second there I thought you were like, did he have nudes leaked? I feel like I would have seen. No, I don't know anything about the actual size of Mark Wahlberg's penis, but his energy is not reading hog. The way that you said it made it sound like the way that everyone knows that Willem Dafoe here.

Follow the link in the description to Mark Wahlberg's, what's that website where every celebrities nudes is on there? I don't know, celebritynudes.com or something? No, it's got like a secret name, but anyways, I guess content warning, if you don't know anything about Boogie Nights, I didn't because I famously thought that this was.

this movie was Saturday Night Fever. One time Henry and I were like, let's watch that John Travolta movie about dancing boogie nights. And we put on boogie nights and we got up until the part where Mark Wahlberg is like, do you want me to just pull it out or do you want me to jerk off? And we're like, wait, how is Mark Wahlberg in this movie if this movie is about John Travolta? Then we're like, wait, this is not the right movie. And then we pivoted, stopped. So I watched up until that part of Boogie Night. That's crazy that you actually stopped. Interesting.

put on Saturday Night Fever and it was one the worst, I fucking hated that I was about to say you were better off just watching this whole movie. now, I wish I had a time machine and I could go back and tell myself, girl, just finish Boogie Nights because I don't want to throw around the word. PTA in his bag. But it is like low-key a masterpiece. I'm like really, I don't want to sound like a film bro. No, that's how I feel about this though. I feel like right now I've watched

Not a whole lot of Paul Thomas Anderson, but now I get it. And now I'm locked in. I've take I've I've broke out of the matrix and I'm here. I felt pretty mixed about him about up until now because there will be blood and then a solid use the word on that masterpiece, like one of in arguably one of the best movies ever made. That's one of those movies that I watched while I drank like a half a bottle of wine, though. So no, sorry. Half a bag of wine. So I don't remember a whole lot.

The SWAMP (04:35.726)
Slapping the bag to there will be blood. sounds like you were in a bad, bad state. Well, no. So it was me and my friend of the pod, Matt Bacon, and our other friend, Kesty, friend of the pod, who's also been on. are roommates. Yes, my roommates. And they were roommates. We all decided to, I think we were like 20 years old, 21 years old, and we all decided we're going to show each other our favorite movies.

who picked There Will Be Blood. Yeah, because he's a man of taste. Yes, of course, of course. But again, three hour movie and we were 20 years old, so we said we will be drinking. Right. Yeah. We had a big charcuterie spread and a yeah, a bag of Francia and just went to town. I think I blacked out that night. But so There Will Be Blood is like up there on the pedestal. But then since then, I didn't really care for Phantom Thread.

or a licorice pizza, which I both saw in theaters when they came out for the Oscar quest that I do to see all the nominated films. I didn't really care for either of them. So maybe I just don't like newer Paul Thomas Anderson stuff because this was fucking gas. We're we're back on top now, baby. I get it. And I'm like, I got to go back and watch his other early shit now to like Magnolia's. I've never seen that one. And the one with walking.

One with Walking in Phoenix, that's like about Scientology. Definitely, I haven't seen that one. Gotta get on that. yeah, that one's the master. Adam Sandler doing something kind of serious, but also kind of goofy. I'm always kind of down for that. So I gotta get more into my PTA bag. I haven't seen a lot of these. I have seen, I've only seen There Will Be Blood, besides Boogie Nights. Boogie Nights, yeah. He has some movie coming out this year, I believe.

starring Benicio Del Toro. ooh. nice. And I don't know anything about it. Other than that, Benicio Del Toro is also starring in Wes Anderson's The Venetian Scheme, and everyone's joking that Benicio Del Toro is having two Anderson moments. that is good. No, I haven't even watched the trailer for that yet. I have to. I heard some rumors about AI use, but I haven't seen any credible... I haven't seen any credible source material. That would be so heartbreaking.

The SWAMP (06:56.802)
but I was reading some tweets that some people were saying some shit that wasn't backed by anything, but they were saying it. So I don't know, I don't know. We'll have to see. Well, speaking of things that feel unconfirmed, but I saw on Twitter, apparently Ms. L. Fanning has been given, or offered the role of Effie Trinket in the new Hunger Games. Can you please pause?

Pause this podcast, stop what you're doing and finish that goddamn fucking book so we can do an episode about it. Please? I'm running through it now. I've gotten to like pass the reaping and I'm like in it now. That's like page Page two. Listen, I've been busy. I've been busy. Okay, well I really want to do an episode about sunrise on the reaping because...

Not only did I rip through it and I loved it, but I've also been deep in the fan cast. Apparently, Ray Fiennes is gonna be President Snow. I hope so. Age-wise, that doesn't really make any sense, but I don't fucking care. Jesse Plemons is maybe on deck to be a little bit of Plutarch, heaven's sake. That feels so good to me. I'm gonna pump the brakes here, and if you would like us to do an episode about that, continue to message us, because we've already gotten a few people be like, hey, have you guys, because you know.

We are Hunger Games bitches on this podcast. We were in the ripe age to be in middle school when that shit was coming out. God damn, can I tell you, it was electric. Okay. you girls wish you could be there. It was like the Dirk Diggler sign exploding in my mind. Okay. When I was reading threesome fan fiction about

the Hunger Games, right? No, not even. It never even got that far, because nobody ever even wanted her to have sex with Gale, okay? No. It wasn't even, he was like in the cuck chair. He was a little Bill, little Bill watching her and Peta in the driveway and then shooting himself, all right? That's what Gale was getting. Sorry, I'm trying really hard to tie this back to Boogie Mipes. Okay, well, can we talk about...

The SWAMP (09:04.642)
think one of the best sequences in filmmaking them should. The New Year's party. There were several. So I went onto letterbox and I was getting some topical letterbox, know, because people, usually blur out the big spoilers. And so I was like, let me, it's like looking and somebody said the scene and it was like in quotes. And I was like, okay, I wonder if I'll know when it happens. And there were about 45 times in this movie where I was like, well that's it.

and then something else happens. I'm like, that's it then. And then something else happens. And I'm like, no, no, no. Now I know that that's it. And I was wrong every time until it was maybe the actual last scene of the movie that is the scene, you know? But yeah, yeah. So something to make your toes curl, blood curdle, make you fucking just want to jump off of a 10 story building is that Mr. PTA, we got a lot of three

three names going on in here. Mr. Paul Thomas Anderson wrote and directed this movie when he was fucking 26. Of course he did. I was wondering, cause I just, I just popped on, I just, yeah, I just popped onto his fucking page to look at his movies and I saw that he's only 54 years old. Yeah. That's fucked up. You're like what? And then you're like, you made what? When? What? You're, huh? Yeah, so I should kill myself.

Actually, so I didn't like Phantom Thread and I didn't like Licorice Pizza, but then I learned that he was married to Maya Rudolph and then I doubled back and I was like, maybe I should give those movies a second shot. Maybe it was me that was the problem. He's married to, he and Maya Rudolph had been married since like 2002 or some shit. Long standing Hollywood couple, Paul Thomas Anderson and Maya Rudolph. I am so glad that I get to be the one to break this information to you. my God. Okay.

I can't do it because my body doesn't do that, but do you know that scene in Broad City where Alana finds out that Abby's gonna peg Jeremy and she screams and twerks on the wall? That's how I feel right now. Yeah, literally. And not to detract from this beautiful moment we're having right now. Oh my fucking God!

The SWAMP (11:17.454)
But you, me, and friend of the Podmap Bacon are going to try our darndest to replicate the Broad City episode where they walk from tip to tip of Manhattan. I don't know. We're trying our best to orchestrate. Paul Thomas Anderson at 26 is going and directing Boogie Nights. I'm walking from the tippity top to the tippity bottom of Manhattan. I'm trying to scrape enough cash together to afford an Airbnb at either end of Manhattan so that we can walk from, that we can go.

on foot from one of them to the other. yeah, it was wild. So I guess he and his friends, to give you a little research, in high school, based off of they really loved the movie, this is Spinal Tap, and they wanted to make a mockumentary style movie about a porn star. they took this actual porn star. There was a real documentary.

about this porn star in his life. And so then they like made a mockumentary version of that where then they just called him Dirk Diggler. And it was all about like a rise to fame in the art house porn industry and then a turn to crime and drugs. And I guess a lot of his high school like filmmaker buddies were like pretty peeved that they weren't involved like later than involved in the, cause they were like, dude, we Dirk Diggler together.

But also how many of them were still in the film industry. Right, yeah, I can't speak on that too much. Especially, I can't be bad considering the outcome. Right, yeah, yeah, I'm like, you should be happy that anything you even attached to this at all. What was it called? Exhausted. I thought that was crazy, that the real documentary was called Exhausted, and it was about a porn star named John Holmes. And I'm interested now to look into.

that, but they made it, it's called the Dirk Diggler story. And then, you know, that was its own thing for a while. And then he did his first movie, the name of I don't know. But then for his second film, this is the second like big movie he ever made. And when he like pitched it, obviously it was like really tough to get, cause it's a fucking bat shit crazy idea. And it's wild.

The SWAMP (13:30.226)
any of the A-list fucking actors, which maybe were they A-list at the time? mean, Burt Reynolds fucking was. like, S tier fucking actor signing on to this project. I bet this was a launching pad for a lot of people, honestly. It was for Marky Mark. I know Mark Wahlberg has since his turn to being a small penis energy individual. Yeah.

He was like, I hope God will forgive me for the movie Boogie Nights. Like when I get to the gates of heaven, I'm going to repent for Boogie Nights basically. And Julianne Moore was like, you should be thanking God for Boogie Nights because that's what made your fucking acting career. Because exactly before this, he had had like only really small roles and he notably was a Calvin Klein model. And then he also launched his one hit wonder hip hop group, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. So he was sort of more of like a

teen heartthrob kind of sex symbol in But this, this, he was good in this. This is the only time Mark Wahlberg has ever been good at acting. Which I have to just credit to Paul Thomas Anderson because he's never done it again. I've never seen him act good again since. I hate to admit it, but yes, he was solid and he was fucking funny. And he was like, dog, was.

This whole cast, and again, I think it's just Paul Thomas Anderson, but it was just so in the pocket. Yeah, yeah. What was it the air in 1997? Because also Big Nick Energy, Paul Thomas Anderson said to the studios, I'm going to make this movie. It's going to be rated NC 17 so I can show and say anything I want. And it will be three hours long, which is

wild demands to have as a 26 year old in Hollywood. Yeah. They said, they said, OK, well, well, bargain. You can pick one. And so he picked the three hours and he agreed to get it down to R, which is pretty wild that it even is still rated R because we literally like I mean, maybe because the cock was prosthetic, but we definitely see fucking like it's a movie about porn. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a it was managed to be within the

The SWAMP (15:47.022)
realm of an R rating and actually it ended up the final cut of the movie did end up being under three hours. So they got what they wanted in the end anyways, but he was, they were fully ready to let this man make a three full hour movie. I would have easily watched it. No, the pacing in this is beautiful. When it ended, I was like, let's run it back. Let's do it again. Exactly. my God. Yes. I don't have that reaction to a lot of movies, but this is absolutely one that's like, okay, let's, can.

Yeah, throw it on. Yeah, I was mad that my rental, my 24 hour rental, because I couldn't find this for streaming anywhere. I was mad about it. My rental, like I watched it and then my rental ran out. And then today, while I was just doing the dishes, I was like, I want to put Boogie Nights back on before we do the plot later. And I was like, damn, I was like, if I didn't have to rent it for another $3.99, if it was just on Netflix or something, I would have put it back on, like for real. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. No, this is a movie.

I had watched, so you said that you got like maybe 10 minutes into it and then put on fucking Saturnite Fever. that one big opening sequence which is just like a brilliant beautiful filmmaking. don't know why that didn't grab me enough to hook me and keep me. I don't know why I pivoted to John Travolta. I was so intensely set on watching a movie about fucking disco. No, I had gotten all the way up to when Mark Wahlberg gets beat up. my God.

I think you're most of the way through it then at that point. it was one of those things that was just like, like, I remember we were so fucking tired, like just couldn't keep our eyes open sort of thing. Yeah, no. And I've wanted to go back and watch it like so bad ever since. But it was one of those ones I was like, well, it's fucking two and a half hours. So I never did. I this is going on. Like, I would love to I've started collecting DVDs. This is one that I need to get.

The minute I finished it, I was like, this has got to go into the rotation. Not like as soon as it starts exiting my brain a little bit, I'm going to like, let's put it back on. We've rewatched it. Keep it in the, you know, one to three year rotation. Rewatch. I told Henry, I was like, Henry, if you are ever interested in doubling back on our failed Boogie Nights night, I would do it again in a heartbeat. And instead of pivoting to Saturday Night Fever, we can watch Saturday Night Beaver. Okay. So did Hank not watch this with you? No.

The SWAMP (18:06.766)
What a shame, because I think he'd love it. Oh, yeah. It's yeah. Action packed hilarious. Well, it's such a is. It's a boy movie to me and for me. It's a boy movie. And I love a boy movie on occasion, depending on the boy movie. Perfect. It's perfect. I'm sorry. I want to be doing karate, too. I want to my shirt off and do kung fu. Yeah. And be a star.

and whip out my hug and fuck Julianne Moore. Yeah. And fucking doing tricks into the pool with my best buds. And like most porn, this will be a beautiful story about a family. OK. I was really impressed that that's where it ended. And it has a happy ending as well. It's so good. It's a it's a beautiful story about a family. Like that's crazy. And it's a movie about

porn in the 70s. Not even, not even, there's one scene where they do disco and they dance and I think they earn that. you can call your movie Boogie Nights for that one dance sequence. I'm not mad at it. But they don't even play the song Boogie Nights at all ever in the movie, which is also fucking hilarious. The soundtrack slaps. my god, so fucking good. Any 70s period piece is gonna have its pick of the litter of great songs to pull from.

But I mean into the 80s as well. my God. Okay, wait. I was just about to get into some plot. Whereas if you haven't seen Boogie Nights, I highly recommend. But if you haven't seen it, that's understandable. But I'm going to spoil it. Not that we haven't been spoiling it for fucking 20 minutes now. But Eddie from Torrance, Eddie Adams, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. He is working as a dishwasher in the nightclub owned by Louise Guzman, notable character actor Louise Guzman. And

fucking Burt Reynolds, Jack Horner comes into the back and he's like, I can smell the big dick on you kid. Do you wanna be in porn? I do porn. And he's like, yeah, sure. My parents are about to kick me out later tonight for the plot. this is gonna work out great. I am not supported and I'm not going anywhere in my life. This is great. All I have in life is my be my daddy? He's like, new daddy and new mommy? Sign me up, thank you.

The SWAMP (20:34.318)
And then there's also sort of his female counterpart, this young girl named Roller Girl. never takes her roller skates off and she also is a waitress at this club but then also does these adult films and it is not even applied. It is told to us that they are both underage which is like fucked.

It is like a sort of act of coercion, right? That these older, more experienced people are like getting them to do this. But then it becomes this weird family dynamic, right? Well, have Julianne Moore. plays hot. Amber waves and she's like the, not even MILF, but you know, just older, experienced Yeah, she just happens to have a kid.

who she's constantly fighting to get back, but then also she's ripping lines of coke and doing porn, and you're like, I think it's good that CPS is keeping him away from you, my girl. Yeah, unfortunately they might have a point on this one. Maybe you're gonna have to stick with the found family, Julie. Yeah, girlfriend. Because, know, hey, if the first one doesn't work out, give it another try. Find a second one at the club, okay?

Exactly. It will be just as good. Yeah. Where you belong, hon. You should be out of the club. What are you doing? You're 26 and you have a six-year-old? She should be out of the club. But basically we get introduced to this cast of characters. John C. Reilly is here with his tight little bod. Insane. Oh my God. us a margarita. Yeah, he is very much the 70s porn star that I envision.

Right, and out of this cast of men. And we do get a lot of porn stashes too, the mustache. Thankfully, yeah, they came in strong. And Philip Seymour Hoffman, the gaffer. The gay boy gaffer. The gay boom mic guy who, you know, when Philip Seymour Hoffman shows up on my TV screen, I stand and salute and I don't sit my ass down until that movie's done, baby. Exactly, because you're a goddamn American. Yeah.

The SWAMP (22:41.806)
No, he crushed this. was actually like- obviously wrote that role like for him. He's always that guy and I'm never tired of it. No, it was heartbreaking. Can I kiss you on the mouth? It was stupid, stupid, stupid. Or was he idiot? Idiot. That's how I feel every day. idiot.

Idiot, I was gonna take it back if you didn't think it was cool. my God, no, this is literally how you feel like in high school. I'm like, right. Yeah, idiot. Yeah, he's great. And we get those, you know, William H. Macy is like the cuck of all cucks. Yeah, well, he's my favorite part of this movie, I will say. Yeah. Yeah. S tier and I guess his agent was

His agent was like, do not do this movie. You're insane. This will ruin your career. he said, I read the script. He's like, he's like, this is perfect. And he's so right. And knowing himself, he's like, my big gooey eyes and sad demeanor will be perfect to play a cuck named Little Bill. my God. Stop the mullet that he has that now every like Bushwick lesbian. I think now.

The Bushwick lesbians have moved on from it, I think. I think now it's become like the gaslighting white boys in Bushwick. The white straight boys who eventually adopt the lesbian culture, because they realize that's the only way to get pussy, but they're definitely their type is bi women. Yeah, but no. William H. Macy's haircut.

and this stood out to me also roller girls pants the first time that she goes to fuck Marky Mark. Do you know what I'm about? waisted shorts? The high waisted shorts that literally just untie and it's all just one piece of fabric. just about screamed and leapt off my couch like please can we have those back? The whole style of the 70s I want to just only be doing that.

The SWAMP (24:50.87)
forever, please. If we could, you every era we're doing Y2K, we're doing 50s, we're doing whatever core. I don't care. I want flared jeans. I big pointy collars. I want big hair. Just all I want. Yeah. Big wide collars, baby. Come on. my God. And I want Don Cheadle to feel comfortable in his skin. And I want him to wear his cowboy outfits and play his country at the stereo store because I support

You Don Cheadle, I think it's cool that you want to dress like a cowboy. The fact that in 2025, that look is so on trend, so fire. drop shipping outlet store is like cranking that shit out. Oh, yo, he'd be dropping panties left and right. Every, every Chapel Rowan concert is selling that shit out. Oh, yeah. Cheadle, Don Cheadle was being pushed to the wayside in the 70s. It's the way that his little swim shorts went with it too.

and how it matched. And he was just so sad that nobody liked it. And he was just looking for validation. I would leave him the validation. right. Well, we found love in a hopeless place in the donut shop with the Mexican standoff with the money. Yeah, with the brains on the window. But they all sort of do porn and it's going really great. then

He decides he's gonna be Dirk Diggler, which is awesome. And then he even elevates to a new level and decides that he wants to do a series where he becomes Brock Landers. So it's like a character on top of a character where they're really, they're bringing the plot to porn. Yeah, that's the whole thing is Burt Reynolds really wants to revolutionize porn and really tell a story. your cum. said, I them to jerk off in the theater.

and be so gripped by the story that they have to sit in their common. thought that that attitude was really fucking cool. And then it's so hilarious that then you see the shit he's making and it's actual dog shit garbage. It's Mark Wahlberg, like shitty B movie in a CD bar being like, hey, little lady, you come around here often. Like, it's just, it's so bad. apparently it was revolutionary. But here's the thing, is that

The SWAMP (27:10.286)
based off of the last monologue that he does in the, when we get to the scene where he's kind of back in it. He's back, he's teamed up with, what was his name in it? John C. Reilly's name? No, his poor name was, or, sorry. No, no, no, no, no, the producer. Jack, Jack. Jack Horner. Yes, Jack Horner. Little Jack Horner stuck in the corner eating his boysenberry pie or whatever the fucking nursery rhyme is. Well, yes.

but him, those two like make up and kiss and he's like going back to porn and watching him do the monologue in the mirror, I was like, I'd watch that. If I was watching, I was like, I would sit in my cum and watch this. Yeah, I guess Jack Horner, did get me because I've been sitting in my cum for three hours now. Because I came when Heather Graham took her little booty shorts off six minutes into the film. Of course, yeah.

But they're doing porn. Everything is going great. It's the 70s. We love cocaine. We're huge on cocaine. We're ripping lines and we're making great sex tapes. We're revolutionizing the biz. We've got Brocklanders going real high success. But of course, with every high, there must be the low in return. And so we got sort of the turn.

from the 70s to the 80s, and that sort of marks the beginning of the end. Right on New Year's Eve. For our characters, and what you described is probably one of just the most intense, gripping, brilliantly shot, just phenomenal use of sound design. Just textbook perfect. If I were to teach a seminar, which I never will, and I had to show the class one scene about how to do filmmaking, it might be that, because wow.

Wow, wow. Because it starts off with you think Philip Seymour Hoffman is about to drunk drive and kill himself, right? Exactly. Because he comes on to Marky Mark and he, you know, he's like sort of outs himself as like, I'm in love with you. And now I feel so pathetic and I can never have you. it's the immediate rejection that in terms to just like. he's very like self-deprecating and Mark Wahlberg is.

The SWAMP (29:29.058)
very freaked out about it. And Mark Wahlberg's also high on coke for the first time and Philip Seymour Hoffman is slammed. Right, but he rejects him in a way that is far more polite than I think any man probably actually would be. He's like, no, I love you, man. We're just buddies. But no, no. It's not like that. You scared me, you freaked me out when you just tried to kiss me there, but it's okay. He was very nice about it, I will say.

Like in most scenarios, the guy like decks Philip Seymour Hoffman in the fucking face and never speaks to him again. Like, so I just, I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of homophobia in that And the lack of burying your gaze because Philip Seymour Hoffman is not drunk drunk. Yeah, because I immediately was like, my God, because the whole thing is he wants to show him his brand new car. And it was the-

Rock same car that he that Mark Wahlberg has and he's like, I you think it's cool. I want you to think my car is cool. And he's like, I'm so drunk. I'm so drunk. I'm like, he's about to drive off a fucking cliff or some shit like, my God. But no hard pivot. William H. Macy has been cucked this entire film. Little Bill is this character we get first introduced that he is like one of the cameramen, think. Yeah. The light, the lighting guy. I think he's like the main camera. Like, yeah. Right.

So he's one of the producers and his wife is obviously a porn star because that's Nina fucking Hartley. Like, don't know how deep into 70s porn. mean, not 70s, but, you know, early 2000s. When you go to the vintage category on any porn website, that's her baby. Really? I can't believe you don't know who this woman is. I don't. She's fucking iconic, but she's natural. Wait, wait. Say more. Say more. Well, she just is. She's a...

porn star who just has been so unapologetically a porn star forever. Like before that was acceptable or cool or whatever, she just has always been a very public figure. She's a yagirless me. She's been a MILF since she was 20 or whatever. She always was playing the MILF character. Oh, that's so cunt. I love that they got her. She's fully...

The SWAMP (31:44.622)
tits out getting railed in the driveway. That's so who else are you going to get to do that? And I think a lot of the actresses in this movie are actually porn stars. That's awesome. I'm sorry, adult actresses? don't know if, how are we on the word porn as a society? Is that not woke to say? I feel like it's like, you know how homelessness then became unhappiness?

I think we should be saying. circling back that that's pandering. think porn is porn, right? Porn is porn. Let's not, it's the same thing as the unalive. Let's call it what it is. But if a porn star or if a content creator, if you will, wanted to explain to me why that's damaging in some way, I would definitely be down to hear it out. just don't, you know, verbiage. Where I don't want to trigger anyone. I don't want to get touchy with the verbiage. But I'm going to, this movie's about porn, so I'm going to say the word porn, I guess. Yeah.

But yeah, Nina Hartley. whatever. Yeah. But so little Bella, the cuck of all cocks. Like it was totally implied to me from the minute we see her that.

She was an actress and he was the camera guy and they got married under the strict assumption that she gets to do whatever the fuck she wants. that's he's pissed about it. He's the guy behind the camera and he just comes home and she's getting railed and she's like, Hey, can you wait in the other room? And he's like, I hate my fucking wife. And it's he's the butt of the joke every single time until he. And he's got some amazing lines like you just watch him get like stirred up the entire movie. But like I wrote down the one that

My wife has an ass in her cock in the driveway, so pardon me if my thoughts are not on the shoot tomorrow. You know about the lore, that that was a flub that they kept in, it like... Oh, fuck that, because it's so good. He fucked that up, but then it was like, of course he would be flustered and would say something like that, so it works. Yeah. Oh my God, that's so perfect. Okay, thank God. No, I didn't realize. That's a lot of IMDB factory. But the like...

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basic climax of the movie, if you will, ha ha, ba dum tss, is they're counting down to midnight. And it feels like every three minutes, they're like, okay, it's starting, 10. And then we like fade away and we get something going on. And then they're like, okay, it's starting. And I'm like, oh my God, they've been counting down to midnight for like 10 fucking minutes now. I felt like it, to me it felt, and especially with the William H. Macy part, it felt like very timed out.

Well, because I was anxious. was like, my god. Then the anxiety continues and continues. don't know. basically, you think Philip Seymour Hoffman's about to die. We pivot. get Don Cheadle takes his wig off and actually finds the love of his life in the moment. And then William H. Macy is going to presumably find his wife so that they can have their little New Year's.

and she's getting railed into some side room. He goes out to his car, he gets his little gun, he goes in, shoots them both, and then shoots himself. In front of everyone. Crazy. I'm sorry, but if I, if ever comes the day that I snap and, you know, should I decide to take myself off this earth, you bitches better memorialize me in a cunty way.

like a photo of myself where I blew my fucking brains out. Yeah, that was iconic. I gasped. Yeah, that was really. And the awful oil paintings that Dawn Cheadle's wife does that no one ever had the heart to tell her that they were bad and they were so dog shit. And she keeps doing them. And she's like painting what's supposed to be Mark Wahlberg. And it's just like unrecognizably awful. Just a skin tone blob.

Comedic gold, honestly.

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Chocolate? Vanilla? I just can't make up my mind. Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to because Jen is here and she's gonna force me to make some hard decisions today. I can feel it in my bones. So Jen is here to do her intro and podcast segment. She just says two things. We all say which one we like better. It's a game sort of in a way, a segment more so to speak. Jen, is there a theme this week for chocolate or vanilla? These are people who are...

in movies that are playing in movie theaters right now. Right, okay. Actually, the movies that are in theaters right now are kind of ass, actually. Yeah, that's been really great. It is true. I try to go to the theater about once a week, and I really haven't been able to bring myself to go. I had a friend who was like, should we go see the Minecraft movie? And I was like, I don't think I can physically make myself do that. But I feel like I would need to go on a packed theater on a Saturday night full.

of middle schoolers, because I want to see, I want to see, like, apparently people are comparing it to Rocky Horror Picture Show in that there are all these call and response moments that seem to be, like, unless you know, like, it seems bizarre and just like, you know, something pops up on screen and everyone stands up, salutes and says, hello, Mr. Chicken or fucking whatever. Like, I don't even know. But just all these these kids have these deep, deep inside jokes about Minecraft that

I just would really like to see how that's all panning out. Cause the movie looks like actual dog shit, but I'm glad that the kids are having a hoot, you know? least they're all together in a shared space, like doing something, I don't know, maybe positive. Yeah, no, I had a friend of the pod, Matt, went opening night, cause it was his birthday. So we went with his twin sister and they, yeah, he said that

I think a lot of the theater experience was like the thing about it. Cause I also, my brother went and saw it and he walked out halfway through. couldn't do it. Because just people were talking and yelling No, no, no. The movie was that bad. Like, yeah. wow. That's hilarious. They used the, he said it was the phrase, when they used the phrase unalived in the movie, he said, I had to call it. I couldn't do it. Hey, and respect on that.

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That's wild. Yeah. That's wild. If that like lexicon is permeated into what is the highest grossing film Warner Brothers has ever made. I'm pretty fucking sure it just surpassed It just surpassed Barbie and the box office. It might be live action. It might be non-cartoon. Like, cause I'm sure Despicable Me has made the most money for them. Maybe. don't really know. But, but, wait, that's, that's universal actually. I don't, I don't know what I'm saying, but.

I just saw a thing that said the Minecraft movie has surpassed already, which is crazy. That is is nuts. Dang. But anyways, hit us with it, Jen. All right. First one. Oh, chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. Vanilla. Chocolate. Minecraft. Jason Momoa or Jack Black? Oh, like both of these men irritate the fuck out of me, like as of late. Both who were really in their bag.

and doing cool shit when they were doing it and like have since just like overstayed their welcome in a way that is obnoxious. And I'm just like, you need to just take your W and then like lay low and stop trying to make this a thing. But I think I'm still gonna pick Jack Black because School of Rock will always mean more to me than anything Jason Momoa has ever done. So sorry. Well said. I think I'm actually gonna have to go Jason Momoa on this one. I think the way that Jack Black

broke up fucking tenacious D is so fucked up. especially because that man said nothing wrong in my opinion. Yeah, whack. Except I will not to do the thing I always do where I pick one of the people and I character assassinate them. But I know Jason Momoa has been reported to have been a asshole to Amber Heard on the set of

Awkwaman, where he showed up in Jack Sparrow cosplay in the midst of their trial and showed up to say like, was such also maybe was under the influence of something like not being professional, you know, just in that sense, but just like, like really beating a woman while she was down. I will switch my, actually that is bad enough that I will switch my answer.

The SWAMP (40:30.478)
Yeah, like Jack Black is annoying, but at least I don't think he's ever done anything like heinous like that. Despicable, yeah. Yeah, I'll go Jack Black also. Next one, Jason Statham or Bill Murray? Oh God, what movies are they in right now? Something together? No, Bill Murray's in one called The Friend About a Big Dog and Jason Statham is in some Jason Statham movie.

The beekeeper's time traveler's wife's assassin. Yeah, what fucking whatever. Yeah, guess I'll pick Jason Statham because as far as I know, he doesn't, he's not rude to women, I guess, or at least we don't have that on the record. But we do about Bill Murray. See, here's the thing is that I think

there wasn't too much to pit Jack Black and Jason Momoa up against, except for like personality. I do think that Bill Murray on an acting level does make me giggle and entertain me more than Jason Satham does. So I'll pick Bill for his career. Yeah. What about Bob and handsome Rob? It's a toss up, but it's gotta be what about Bob? What about handsome Rob?

I was about to say Boston Robb, the way my brain immediately goes into survivor mode. I'm like Boston Robb. The way that my brain also went there. I will go with Jason Statham. Next one is Naomi Watts or Rachel Ziegler. I got to got to stand up for my girl right now because she is just being put through it. Miss Rachel Ziegler, the the studios are trying to tear her down. They're trying to solely blame her for the failure.

of this shitty live action remake that wasn't going to make money no matter what happened. And the whole Mark Platt flying across the country to confront her about a tweet is just like, think people are going to look back and be like, she was really that girl. But in this moment, I'm sure like her publicists are probably freaking the fuck out, worrying that she will never act again. And I hope I know her talent.

The SWAMP (42:41.1)
and her integrity will continue to get her the roles that she deserves, obviously, but just like, hate the way that they're so punching down at her. It's so fucking, and they have the power in Hollywood. I'm sure if the right person said to her, will never work again, that they could make that happen. And I just don't wanna see that, cause I feel like we are only starting to see the beginnings of what may be an EGOT, you know? Yeah, and she is such a good fucking actor, having to work with dog shit at like, literally,

The fact that she was a fucking IDF soldier is fucking insane to me and she still has a career. obviously we know why she didn't get the same treatment. Like, we're not stupid. Like, we don't have to say it. But yeah, Rachel Ziegler is so fucking talented. I absolutely agree with you. I'm going Rachel on this. Yeah, I'm going to go Rachel too for this week. What is Naomi Watson right now? Also the movie about the dog with Bill Murray.

Next one is Laurence Fishburne or Rami Malek. I love Laurence Fishburne. I'll pick him. That's Morpheus. I'll go Laurence on this one. Rami Malek rubs me the wrong way. Yeah, ever since the Bohemian Rhapsody movie, I really cannot look at him and not have like, I get like mental whiplash because I am already thinking in the editing cuts of that movie. I'm just like, I can't.

I can't focus on any one thing for too long. Yeah, he just, he's so one note to me. He was at night at the museum, Twilight. Oh, I forget that. forget. I his earlier work.

But like, cause I know what movie you're talking about, the amateur, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Yeah. That made me wanna shoot myself. Did you watch it? No. You can assassinate me. No, even just sitting through the trailer and at my weekly theater visit. Oh, I'm gonna save my wife and learn how to become an assassin. Okay. Like they let Chad GPT write that movie, I swear to God. I love a reluctant assassin. I am actually interested to see I think that's a trope I can get down with.

The SWAMP (45:00.948)
I am interested to see it. actually did. I lie. I liked him in Oppenheimer. I liked his two minutes of screen time. was a serve. Yeah, that was a big serve. But yeah, especially in this movie, I'm like, it feels like it's just the Mr. Robot thing again, and that he's just trying to play someone that's really autistic. All I will. I'll go Laurence Fishburne then for the sweep. And then last one is Tim Curry or Tom Cruise.

Tim, where does Tim Curry is? Amherst Theater is playing legend right now. Okay. I was gonna say, I was like, I don't think he's well enough to be in a new movie. Is he alive? shout out Tim Curry. I will be picking Tim Curry. Tom Cruise, ew. Get that man away from me. Nasty, yeah, Tim Curry. I will go Tim Curry for the sweep. Yeah, we had trouble finding a lot of actors who were in, yeah, he is, he's still alive.

I had trouble finding actors who were in movies right now. So I was like, what's playing at Amherst and they're playing Lettuce. Fair Let's travel to an independent cinema doing some reruns. And that's it for movies that are out right now. Leigh, love you. Thank you, Jen. Sorry we often back you into a corner where you pose us two valuable options and then we dog-mile onto one so hard that then if you pick it, you look like a treasonous individual.

Sorry, we do that kind of a lot. That's also what it's like to be friends with me though. So a little bit of a window into that. Jen, we love you. Thank you as always for being here and we'll see you next week. I love you guys. an awesome night. Bye. Then we turn into the eighties and then there's this whole conversation about digital. Are we shooting on video instead of film now? And then sort of the...

questionable entanglement of this character, the Colonel, who ends up being a pedophile. He goes to jail, which is like a business associate of Jack Horner. So we get sort of that through line. And Julianne Moore is due in Helico. She cannot keep her child. She cannot stop. She can't even go to visitation her and the older girl.

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Rippin' Lines talking about let's take pottery classes, let's get our GEDs, let's go shopping. They're trying to heal themselves and their mommy issues while literally just snorting a pound of coke. Will you be my mom? I'm gonna ask you if you can be my mom and then you're gonna say yes, okay? Will you be my mom? Yes, honey. Oh my God, so crazy. oh, the girls were down. Diva's down. Diva's majorly down, dude.

And the way that Julianne Moore, not for a second ever, fiends like her being a mother figure is like inappropriate and ever anyway. She's like, he's like, Dirk is my little baby boy, my second son. I miss my two sons. She's literally saying this as his dick is inside her. Yeah, like so, so questionable. But then to Roller Girl as well. She's like, yeah, I'm your mom. Like this is we're doing a found family thing, aren't we? Like, yeah.

I'm your mom, Jack is your dad. At the end of the movie, we're gonna go tell you to clean your room and all will be well, okay? 70s Coke makes you a star, 80s Coke puts you into debt because it turns out the Coke was meth because Clark Wahlberg starts fucking doing hard drugs. He makes some friends. He is really ripping lines. He's getting himself some shistiched hit. are really loving, loving drugs.

Right, and that is sort of making them the assholes. Which can we talk about how good they do like the bros sizing each other up sexual tension when they first meet each other? Oh my god, talking about how much they bench. Amazing. You say it first, no you say, well we'll say it at the same time. Yeah, and I really thought that that was leading up to, oh, and the first movie we make will be you two, because John C. Reilly is like,

gay porn star. I guess gay porn was not, you I'm thinking from a very modern lens of like, of course they would just, of course the dudes would also be fucking, cause it's for money, but it was like a very different, a different thing. I really thought that it was leading up to that it was going to be like Mark Wahlberg being like, I didn't realize I was going to have to. yeah.

The SWAMP (49:27.436)
No, we do. That did not happen. Yeah. We do later on get the scene where Mark Wahlberg gets jumped for trying to get his dick hard in some guy's truck. it was they were they were like baiting him to beat him I'm kind of like that is actually less gay of him because he couldn't get hard. Exactly. Why are we hate-criming him right now? Because he he couldn't get the boner for you, my guy. If anything, that proves his straightness. Right.

Yeah, it felt like the other guy was getting hard watching him try to get hard. Like, come on. No, I mean, the call is coming from inside the house. course, of course. If you're staging hate crimes to do on a Saturday night, you need to do some inward reflection, of course. Exactly. That's part of the big crash out rate. Dick Diggler. Dirk Diggler has a big blow up.

because of drugs, his dick is not getting hard and he's like, my God, I need to be able to perform, but I'm also on meth right now. So he's like jacking off in the bathroom and he finally gets it up and he's like, okay, we gotta go. Like we gotta go right now because this has to happen. And Jack Horner's still like, we're doing setup, like you gotta wait 20 minutes and he freaks the fuck out. He starts being so, like he honestly was pretty respectful to everyone, all his coworkers, to everyone until he started, you know,

getting methed out and then he's trying to hit people and he's being rude to Julianne Moore and he's like, you're not my mom, which is probably about the worst thing you could be saying to her at this moment. And they're like, you're done. You're done, you're fired, we don't need you. We actually have this new guy on standby who's gonna make porn where he points a gun down. Just the total opposite.

Like the opposite of Jack Horner has this beautiful vision where people will like stew in there and their spooge in the seats of the jerk-off theaters and this guy is making just like the worst Bang Bros content you've ever seen. like terrifying. And then Don Cheadle witnesses a shootout at a donut shop. Where everyone conveniently dies except for him.

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Everyone dies and he gets to take the money because it was 1980. So videotape, know, surveillance didn't exist. You just got to do crime, which was pretty cool. And he gets to open his video store at the end, which he then, oh, hate that. He honestly, although his ending is ultimately happy because, you know, he gets out of the industry and he finds a wife and they have a kid. It's really beautiful. But I don't, it makes me so sad that he felt like he had to.

play into the racial stereotypes of being a black stereo owner that it had to be whatever he called it. Like, cause his name was fucking Bucks whoop, so cool. But it was like Bucks stereo and they're making a commercial where he's like in a sideways baseball hop doing like a hip hop thing. But I'm like, I'll play your country music, my guy. That's your real passion. you think that this was like just him actually being ahead of the trend? He's like, no, I'm kind of doing my own thing. I'm going to do this.

Maybe, I don't know. The whole film was him trying out these different personas to try to find who he really was. But to me, again, maybe, I don't know, of a modern, putting a more modern racial analysis lens on it that he felt like he had to play into this overdone stereotype in order to be commercially successful in a certain business because it starts off with him being the employee and they're like, no one wants to...

No one wants to hear country music. You're black. Put on some soul. Like that was the general comment. I wonder, like that was kind of the sad twinge of the note to me where he like felt like he had to, you know, please the public. But he gets his stereo shot, which we hope all is well with Don Cheadle. We can only hope. No, they look really good. No, him and his wife have a new baby boy.

was swimming in the pool on set. I don't know if that, we should, as soon as he becomes cognizant, maybe take him away from that. But hey, he still has no brain for now. So. But then it basically we once again rev up to the drug filled madness. make John C. Reilly and Dirk Diggler try to do a music career where they try to get a record deal. Yeah. they they sing a song, The Touch, which

The SWAMP (53:58.924)
was actually from the 1986 animated Transformers movie. Hilarious. that's amazing. And Paul Thomas Anderson thought it would be so funny or like perfect to take that song and make that be the song that Dirk Diggler tried. I think here's the thing. will rock you. I think that you need. We you. This movie couldn't have been made by someone who was over 30. This had to be made by a 26 year old boy. Yeah, it's just like.

Yeah, who else would find that nugget? It's just, this awful side plot of them trying to make it in music because they're not doing porn. John C. Reilly then pivots and becomes a magician, which is also hilarious. But then in their fuel to try to get money for drugs, they also link up with this, what do call him? He's like a go-go boy, basically. He's like a dancer at a club, but he also, he's got the porn stash. We're finally getting into real porn stash territory.

And they decided Well, if you wanna talk about real porn stash, it comes from skinny Alfred Molina. Thick daddy, doc-oc, Alfred Molina, pre-thickness. I couldn't- Because here's the thing, I couldn't clock him by the face. I got it by the voice. my fucking God. My jaw dropped. That was the last person I thought. Like it was jump scare on jump scare.

When you start on this movie, holy shit. But then you lay low because you're like, wow, we already have a whole ensemble cast we've been working with for quite some time. And then they throw you, they throw you right at the peak of Act Three, Alfred fucking Molina. Coked out. God damn. No, I'm pretty sure he was also smoking meth. Smoking meth, there's a Chinese boy throwing firecrackers. So you get an intense boom roughly every 32 seconds.

Just the most wild setup and then they go and they sell him fake cocaine and one of his goons is checking the cocaine and they're all really nervous and then he gets them the money and then instead of just taking it and going and the drug fueled needing more, not John C. Reilly and Mark Wahlberg but the third new guy they've linked up with decides that he needs to up the ante and he pulls a gun and it becomes this whole violent shootout.

The SWAMP (56:25.73)
just to Jessie's girl, cause- No, it starts off to Jessie's girl, but then we hit 99 Loaf Balloons. again is just so beyond fucking genius. And Alfred Molina thinks he invented the mixtape. He's like, I just, he's like, I put all my favorite songs together on one tape. It's the best way to listen to music. So fucking good. Yeah, that scene too.

That scene too, I think I would, there's this great moment where Mark Wahlberg just sort of stares blankly into space. Yeah. For like the majority of a minute. Yeah. Like you really get to sit with Mark Wahlberg and I'm like, wow. I'm like, I think that that is the best you've ever acted. Yeah. yes. Because I was sitting there, was like, what's about to happen? And he doesn't do, I mean, yeah, you really just go somewhere with him. It's fucking awesome.

He's sitting in his failure. He's really like, yes, yes. How did I get here? And this is where we're at, huh? And he then, they run away, they get shot at by Alfred Molina. The fucking shotgun nonetheless. just... Yeah, Alfred Molina fucking unloads two barrels into this guy's chest.

Kill Bill style when she goes to find Bach. Do know what I'm talking about? When she runs through the tour and then gets blocked with the rock salt. And in Dirk Diggler pushes his sad little car. I also love the minute he starts doing meth, his car is in shambles. Like we see, here's this beautiful car that he buys at the end of the seventies. And then as soon as the Coke turns to meth, it's like his carburetor gone, his Coke caps gone, front end busted.

chipped, nobody pushes the car, yell away, and he finally gets away. And that's when he's like, I gotta circle back. I gotta apologize. we get a beautiful says it's okay. Because he learned his lesson. He karmically got... Oh, but then we, of course, I mean, I guess I sort of glossed over, there's also the really beautiful sequence where we get a bunch of people getting the shit beaten out of them all at once. So Mark Wahlberg decides that he's going to go back to his roots and just jerk off for money.

The SWAMP (58:43.886)
You know, he's like, what is you can see it for five and you'll jerk off for 10 or whatever. So he gets into some guy's car and the whole thing's a setup and they're like, we want to hate crime you. And so then they beat the shit out of Mark Wahlberg. then, yeah, this is way back. This is way back. Yeah. then Jack Horner invents the bang bus and he's like, we're doing something innovative here. Roller girl. We're just going to pick up a guy on the street. It's going to fuck you in this car. And then it turns out to be like the guy in high school who like slut shamed her.

into dropping out, like literally. And then it like sort of all turns sour. And he's like, don't I know your real government name that I will say out loud right now. And he's also like, the thing is he's bad at fucking. And Jack is like, okay, this is where I draw the line. Yeah, he's like, he's like, you're not on her good side. He's like, just let me fuck her, man. He's like, no, we're making art here. Like you don't understand.

Yeah, no, yeah, just go back and forth beating the shit out of these two boys. And then who else is, and then the Colonel is getting the shit beat out of him in prison for being a pedophile. So we get sort of this trifecta of getting the shit beaten out of them all simultaneously on film. It's like quite, quite beautiful. And honestly.

think they beat the shit out enough out of the guy from the Bang Bus because they're they're wailing on him and then Roller Girl comes out and she kind of stomps him with her roller skates. a handful of times. I thought they were going to kill him. You know, guess spoilers for the newer film Love Lies Bleeding if you want to fast forward like 30 seconds, but you know in Love Lies Bleeding when they dislocate Dave Franco's jaw.

off his fucking skull and we see his crushed head. I thought they were going to be doing that to him. I wanted to see that level of gore of her slamming her roller skate straight down and obliterating his my God, yeah, like Maxine style on that guy's balls. Yes, yes. Yeah. No, exactly. That's what I wanted. mean, I think that definitely would have implied that he was dead dead. I think the implication that he was just maimed.

The SWAMP (01:00:56.046)
Yeah, they might've blinded him with that one, but. That's sort of our turning point because then, know, Roller Girl decides to go get her GED. Julianne Moore decides to try to get her kid back, but she fails, but she made the effort and learned her lesson about motherhood, I guess, maybe. I think there's some growth that's insinuated. She's the one that helps direct, what is it? A shitty documentary. No, no, no, no.

Don Cheadle's commercial. Right, right. Yeah, and she makes the shitty documentary about Dirk Diggler. true. maybe some filmmaker bones here in Miss Amber waves. And then yeah, Dirk Diggler comes back around. Wow, I've just been summarizing the movie this whole fucking time. I guess this has been working. don't know. But I mean, I don't it's, okay, so this is period piece month. way they fucking captured.

at least the turnover from the 70s and 80s was really like one of my favorite parts of it because it was very subtle and then very quick. And not that I was there. Paris crimped. It was like we had swoopy bangs and now it's crimped. And it was like, well, yes, now it's 1980. Like we're doing the 80s now. the music too, the subtle shift from like 70s disco to like 80s pop. it was- Yeah, dog shit, the dog 80s pop.

I felt very cohesive though as a unit. I feel like that's a tough thing to achieve is a period piece that is dealing with both. Transitional. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I mean, is like, I, oh, the bachelor pad, if I could go into this movie, I would. I would hop right in, jump through the screen. I wanna be on the carpeted bathroom floor. I don't mind. I don't mind.

The scene where Mark Wahlberg finally gets his paycheck from being Dirk Diggler and he gets bachelor pad, like decks himself out and he, Jonesy Riley and Philip Seymour Hoffman all like go clothes shopping and they all buy the same shirt. I love it. So cute. I was obsessed with that. And he gets the shoes and somebody goes, are those lizard? And he goes, no, they're Italian. And then we get the scene where they're all dancing in the club because it's the seventies. This shit is great.

The SWAMP (01:03:15.79)
Right? It's like, yeah, we're all doing a choreographed dance. Nothing could ever be wrong. We don't have that choreography for any sort of dance that isn't line dancing anymore. fucking wish. That's exactly what I was thinking. Let's back to disco. Let's open a club, Studio 60... What is it? Studio... Studio 70... Studio 64. Let's open up one of those. 64? 74? 74? 74? 74?

64? 64. 64. 64, right? Cause now I'm thinking of the B-52 song. Um, and specifically the lip sync between Katya and Alaska in All Stars 2. And I just know Katya is pretending to snort coke the whole time, I, yeah. 54? We were both- Studio 54, yeah. Sorry, I was born in 1998, my guy. You can't get me there.

But not that I'm, I am awful at moving my body in any way, especially not to beats and rhythms, but maybe I'd be better about it if it looked that fucking cool. I have no desire to do a box step or a square dance or a line dance, but if we were all, if we were disco-y, I could maybe be hitting the ones and the twos, you know? Yeah, no.

I agree with you there. No, we don't have... Wear a chunky little heel. Wear a chunky little heel in a cutsy little vest. The Coke's not good enough for us to have this now. also, I don't think music is not good enough to... No, we couldn't possibly. We don't deserve a 70s Renaissance is the thing, Dara, and that's why we haven't had one yet.

No, the coke now is just that laced shit that made little Cinderella OD at the party, okay? When he's like, two chicks have OD'd on me in two days, and they're like, well, check your stash, man. That's all cocaine now. Yeah, that's literally, yes, exactly. Not that I fucking know, but drugs are scary. Please, if you're at a party, and make sure you or your friends are testing your drugs, carry Narcan on you, you can get Narcan for free at most...

The SWAMP (01:05:28.75)
fire departments and they hand it out for free at a lot of police stations too. But if you're at an event, it's giving away free Narcan. Do the little, it takes like two minutes. The firefighter will do the little training where they just show you how to use it. It's super easy. Keep it your car. it, keep one on you. It's not- In your purse, yeah. A lot of weird stigma about carrying one on you because it's like the stigma around drug users and addiction.

but it's like why wouldn't you want a tool on you to literally save someone's life if you the opportunity to do so, wild. Exactly, you're willing to carry around a tide stick like that. You should be able to carry around your Narcan. But yeah, also test your drugs, get drug testing kits also are often for free at a lot of places. If you are gonna do coke and go out dancing, be safe. XO, XO, XO, the swamp.

I would be doing Coke at the pool party. I will not lie to you. I want to be at that pool party so bad. And my food and drink are based off of that. Oh, okay. So we're going to get into our regularly scheduled programming. Which this is a beautiful movie to be doing food references to because it's a big cookout movie. We've got a lot of pool time and we've got a lot of cookout energy. Come on.

It's a movie about cocks, dude. Of course it's hot dogs. on the grill. Of course it's hot dogs. It's hot dogs and you set up a really elaborate hot dog topping station for you and all your friends. then you make, I was gonna say Sex on the Beach, but I think this is a Margarita movie at its core. John C. Reilly taking a sip of the tequila as he's pouring it into the blender.

timeless, a timeless classic. I would say we've got, cause I'm just gonna riff on this cookout idea, cause my answers was also hot dog, Marg. But I also feel like we've got to get pineapple involved in here somewhere, whether it be in the cocktail or like pineapple on the grill. So it can be kind of fire. Cause I feel like pineapple is one of those things that there's all that mysticism about how it makes your semen taste better. Right? think they sell the same thing to

The SWAMP (01:07:47.118)
to pussy havers as well, that they're like, it'll make your shit taste good if you eat pineapple. Sure, whatever. I think, has that ever been proven to be true? Doubtful. I don't know, but there's something sexy about a pineapple for sure. Also, the swingers. Well, one thing that came into my mind for this was a pineapple upside down cake, but I said, no, that's too 50s. But it does kind of feel like it fits. Well, why else is 70s? Like fucking jello molds and shit, food was still kind of off No, that's still kind of like 50s, 60s, I think.

Yeah, no. this is breaking free. I will say like a freaking, I don't even know, I also feel like a Whiskey Sours this movie. Well, because it's for boys, yeah, for sure. I would say alternatively, you can do the popping champagne at midnight, know, drink champagne with them at the New Year's moment in the movie. That would definitely be pretty cathartic. Also, donuts for Dom Cheetal. Dom Cheetal picking out those donuts for his wife, like nobody's business. He's like, are those ones special?

For Christmas? Yeah, let me get one of those. Yeah, that's Yeah, love that shit. That's me. I had a bunch of munchkins for dinner, actually. Because at the library, someone is bound to have brought in some sort of baked good or other. But today it was munchkins, but they were obviously from the morning. Of course. And I work in the night, so they were stale as fuck. somebody left all of my favorite ones. There were only jellies and blueberries left. And I was like, hell yeah, more for I didn't even know they do blueberries.

Yeah, blueberry munchkins. Interesting. I like the plain ones personally, but I do like the jellies. Plain glazed or plain like old fashioned? Plain glazed. Not plain old fashioned. Get that shit out of my face. are they even making that? Because an old fashioned donut is made to dunk in your coffee. That makes sense to me. An old fashioned donut is unoffensive because you're doing it with your coffee. It's the thing. Old fashioned munchkin, you're not dunking that in your coffee. So it's just a I'm gonna try to dunk it and then I'm gonna drop it and then I'm gonna be pissed.

then it's gonna disintegrate and I'm gonna just have a lumpy coffee. Exactly, Upsetting. And then I feel like Fuck, Marry, Kill is kind of tough because I feel like our four main characters are obviously Roller Girl, Dirk, Digler, Jack, Horner, Amber, Waze, right? I think we can cut Roller Girl out of it though. Okay, fair, fair. I think, yeah, I think it's Jack, Dirk, and Amber.

The SWAMP (01:10:12.078)
Sure. I feel like I don't want to have sex with either of those men. but I also, oh, I definitely don't want to marry. Well, maybe I'll marry Jack Horner because I feel like we could be creative collaborators because I too have a vision that porn can be better than what it is. Yeah. You, you are a visionary in the field. That's for sure.

Thank you. Not really though. you made a really good podcast about... I just got a lot of ideas. I'm a guy with big ideas, okay? I want them to stew when they're calm. I did a project in grad school because they told us we could do a project about anything we wanted, but it had to be about AI and fucking... That pissed me off, so I made it about...

because I was like, if you guys are going to make me do a stupid project, I'm going to make it about the most offensive shit I can fucking think of. And I'm also going to do a really fucking good job, too. And you're forced to tell the you're forced to. It wasn't just about it was about why it's a money making opportunity. Sure. If we if we imply ethics, you know, if we move. But anyways, that's a that's a big nut to crack.

But I think I'm gonna marry Jack Horner. guess I'll fuck Amber and obviously I'm gonna kill Marky Mark. Yeah. You're gonna marry Amber, you said? No, I'm marry Jack. I'm gonna fuck Amber, yeah. I have to agree with you there. I'm not someone that wants or would know what to do with all of that 13 inches of prosthetic cock. Yeah, scary. Scary, scary. I'm actually really good on that. No size queens here.

I was surprised that they didn't do a scene where they were like, is that all the way in? my God, that's half. Like I was surprised there wasn't a scene about like the physical pain associated with taking. I guess because they're all consummate professional adult actresses that they're used to really doing it. But that's the kind of shit that punctures your cervix, bro. Not okay. Not cool, not safe. No, I mean, there must be men out there that having a

The SWAMP (01:12:26.05)
Dick that big is just, it's a burden to bear. It is your cross to carry. They make, they're called bumpers. They're a thing you put on the base of your dick so it doesn't go all the way in. So that when you're fucking it stops so that you can only be wielding seven inches or something reasonable, you know? They make stuff for that now. That makes sense. Well, I know about the sleeves that they make for guys that are too small.

to extend those leaves? the extenders or whatever. Right. But that also, you know, you're removing a lot of the friction from them for yourself. that's really a measure. guess out of the whole movie, I do want to be a giver. And I want to give Luis Guzman his opportunity to be in a porn because the whole movie, he is just acting. He is trying to send word up the chain that he wants. And he's like, he says he wants to do it so that his brothers can see him.

Like, it's so weird. He's like, just came in to his brothers who own the club that everyone is always at. And then at the end, they reveal that they get the big electric sign and that it's spelled wrong. So funny. It's supposed to be a G. I think I'm going to have sex with Luis Guzmán and I'm going let them film it because I think he's really going to put his best foot forward when it comes down to the time.

I think we could also do some plot. I think we could do some fun banter. We could come up with some characters. You know, I think in this creative sphere, it's seeming like there's a lot of room for that. So I think Luis Guzman could really put something fun together. sure, I have no doubt that you would come create a brilliant elaborate plot for a film. then, who am I gonna marry out of the whole movie? Alfred Molina. Alfred Molina. I'm gonna do math.

I'm gonna become a meth head. I'm gonna live in that mansion. He's gonna be swinging his big gun. The Chinese boy is gonna be throwing off firecrackers and it's gonna be great. I thought you were Don Cheadle all the way. Oh, Don, yeah, he is a good second option, I would say. I think I'm gonna go Don on this one. Oh, I'm gonna, I'm actually gonna fuck the go-go boy with the beautiful mustache. mustache.

The SWAMP (01:14:40.494)
He was really pretty. was really pretty. I feel like the only person you can really like you have to really you have to kill the pedophile. Yeah, have to. Yeah. The governor or whatever you call him. The Colonel. Yeah. Exactly. It's built in. Maybe I'd help little Bill kill himself because that was just so it was so iconic. Like really he you really made it his moment there at the end. That's for sure. Yeah. I mean, hey.

Man, he was always behind the camera, but for that one moment, he was the star. That's beautiful. Yeah. And then, okay, we did Food and Drink, we did Fuck, Marry, Kill. what movie are you gonna watch next? I genuinely think that you and your girls should put on some vintage porn and Kiki and giggle about it. Yeah, right? Or like pull up the main page of Pornhub and feel so dystopian about what...

what the average man is consuming. And then have a good talk about how we can move forward. No, on some Nina Hartley, put on some classic, some Ron Jeremy, pretty sure he's not a good guy, but some of the classics. I have two answers. I think you should obviously watch X.

because it was like a brain explosion, Dirk Diggler sign in the mind moment where he's looking in the mirror and saying, I'm a star. And I'm like, oh my God, Pearl. Yeah, yes. My pearl. So that's Maxine. I will not accept the life I do not deserve. I'm a fucking star. I was like, wow. And then it turns out that this movie didn't originate that, that that is from Goodfellas?

Or is it Raging Bull? I think it might be Raging Bull. Raging Bull. Well, this So I feel like I just watched Goodfellas. This movie is an actual one-to-one to Goodfellas. It follows the exact same story Shut up, my God, no, you're right, is. If you map out the story beat of Goodfellas and then you twist it around a little bit, that is this movie. To a T. I think, I-

The SWAMP (01:16:59.822)
I'm pretty sure that then PTA credits it obviously though. I'm sure. It's indisputable. But also I don't think anyone is saying that this like ripped that off in any sense. I've got a good one actually. The movie Raging Bull ends with the guy giving himself a talk in the mirror to hype himself up. And he like is delivering his lines and he does his monologue to the mirror. And then they're like, OK, are you ready to go?

And he's like, yeah, and then he stands up and he like, there's a bunch of punches to like hype himself up. it is, you know, Mark Wahlberg's character to a T. So it was like, they got it from that. And then, it was interesting to like trace the through line of that. I didn't know that, you know, in X slash Pearl, that that was like, that's where that reference came from. So it was kind of cool. I like that. I'm going to go ahead and I think you should watch Babylon.

after this. Yeah. I saw a letterbox review that was like, this is Babylon for porn. Yeah, basically. again, another like three hour movie, but I think it is well worth it. I know. That's one I've still got to get around to. Maybe we throw that on the list for this month because it is certainly period piece. Isn't it also the same period though? No, it's the 1920s. It's the 1920s. It's like the golden age of film.

Oh, I feel like I only just know that Margot Robbie's like, I guess that is kind of a flapper dress. Like that crazy party. guess I always just thought that that was like the 60s. I thought that was like, you the 60s, like the late 60s. No, I think it's like 1920 something. Oh, duh. I'm dumb as fucking rocks. Well, I clearly have not seen the film. But let us know what you think we should do for period peace month. If you'd like to hear us talk about the Hunger Games, if you would like anything really, let us know.

You can put it in the suggestion box in the Q &A section of Spotify, if that's where you're listening, or you can drop us a line using any of the links below to our social medias. I know it seems we're a little stagnant, but I checked the inboxes. Don't worry, I just don't feel like posting, because I don't feel like involving myself. Feeding the matrix. Yeah, right. But oh, what are you going to give this movie out of 10? I'm going to give it like a nine. I think I'm actually going to give it a 10.

The SWAMP (01:19:16.182)
Yeah, so like really fire. No notes, honestly. No notes to PTA. And no notes, and I'm gonna watch it again soon. And I'm gonna go back and watch the rest of your discography because I respect you now. So Yeah, you got me. Hook, line, and sync. You win this time, PTA. Yeah, he got me. I guess I will end the episode by saying that if you use chat GBT, you're a loser. If you use generative AI, you're a loser.

I'm sure if you're at this part in the podcast, you also agree with me, but I just can't say that to your friends loudly. Please, like shame. We need to be shaming people. And- Sorry, if your friend makes their grocery list using chadgbt, you should maybe put them down. They should little build themselves and kill themselves in the middle of the party. No, that's a little extreme, but maybe not. And things are really horrible, but-

Thank you for letting us be the friends in your ears where we giggle and chat. It's really all we've got left. So have a lovely rest of your week. We love you. watch some good movies, I guess. There's not really much out in theaters, but find something. Girls, go watch this one. If you haven't seen it, go watch it. And I bet this is one that if you're chasing men.

that they'll be into that. you find, I feel like this one, is this a green flag movie if he likes this? I don't know, maybe neutral, yellow flag. You gotta suss it out further, I fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It depends what his actual reasons for liking it are. Well, who's chasing men these days?