EMMA. (2020)

Period piece so strong they punctuated the title. Yapping about excellent costumes and Mia Goth's lovable face this week. Also Gayle King went to space and it's def a PR front conspiracy to take up news headlines to distract from the genocide... just saying. And formal apologies to any history nerds for my half ass explanation of what the regency era was all about... we all have our weaknesses. 

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.32)
Okay, so you can say one really interesting thing, two kind of interesting things or three dull things. shit. Can I do two kind of interesting things? Sure. My pea plants and snap peas, no, my green beans and snap peas growing super well this year. Wow.

That is a medium level of interesting. Okay, hit me with the second one. Second one, I had to throw someone out of where I worked the other week. You have balls for that because I also work in a public space that anyone can walk into and I let some crazy shit slide because I am afraid of confrontation. So good on you for... I typically am, but I butched up for this one. They were really being rude, right? Insanely rude. That's what it was.

Nuts. And yeah. I work at a library and there's a man who often comes in without shoes at all. we never have. don't have a sign that says no shirt, no shoes, no service because we're a library. So you just kind of expect that people will have shoes on. So I'm like, well, if I don't have documentation to show him that the rules do I have. Yeah. Where's the policy? I'm like, you have to have a policy to be able to point to if he pushes back.

do not have something to show him. So I mean, it is kind of stinky and it is kind of weird, but I let him stay because who are you to, who might've stopped him from learning, reading, growing. He actually also never takes books out. Fair enough. But that feels like a medium level thing. Do you have a second one?

The SWAMP (01:44.472)
California burrito for dinner. It was great. is when California burrito is supposed to have guacamole in it, but we didn't, couldn't find any good avocados at the store. So it had to be sans, but usually a California burrito is steak, avocado of some sort and French fries. And then, know, whatever other burrito fixes. So like instead of rice, you just put French fries as your sort of carb. It's nice. So yeah, it was like steak, French fries, and then, know, other burrito, beans, peppers, onions.

That whole deal. That sounds divine. Yeah, it was pretty nice. I did have to floss though. Right as you came in, you caught me mid floss. Yeah, I caught you and Hank with your pants down, which, AKA floss in your Flossers in. I also use those individual disposable flossers, which are bad for the environment, I know. I get it. But I won't floss if I have to do it by hand, but I will floss if I use the little flosser. Yeah, unfortunately I can...

agree with you there because I have a water pick and don't get me wrong, I like the water pick. It does a great job. It's pretty gentle on the gums. Sure. Loading it up, this is the most like first world problem thing to complain about. But like it's just, it's one of those things. I gotta sit there. I gotta let the water run, let it get warm. I gotta get it all set up. I don't wanna drain my mouth over the sink. I wanna like mindlessly floss while I walk around the house and like turn off the lights. I walk around while I brush my teeth. Yeah.

And when I was growing up, my mom would always tell me a story about someone she knew was walking around with a toothbrush in their mouth, tripped, fell, and the toothbrush went up through their soft palate right through the back of their mouth. And so she's like, you know, and then they died. No, just, you know, ripped through the roof of their mouth with their fucking toothbrush. Is that a true story? Maybe she just said that to freak me out. We'll have to check in with Jen later on. I think about it every time I brush my teeth.

but I still pace around, because I know I'm gonna do a better job if I'm multitasking, if I'm my steps in as well. Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. No, that just makes me think about, you ever brush your teeth so, like, brush your tongue too hard and you just throw up a little bit and it's the same? yeah, every day. Every day, okay. Every day, and that's how you know that you did a good enough job, because then you have to brush the vomit again. Brush the vomit taste out, and you're like, well, I did double duty. Exactly, exactly. Hi, everyone.

The SWAMP (04:02.184)
It's the swamp, it's our podcast, it's an acronym. This is some wack ass movie podcasting. It's period piece month and not only does this movie set in a period, but it has a period in the title. It does indeed. I thought that was so cute. All caps with the period. I didn't know if that was like a reference to the book title or something, but it wasn't because the book title doesn't have a period. It's like just the period because she's that bitch. guess. Yeah. It's also period piece.

Yeah, but also this has been one of the things that has been adapted a number of times. So maybe just to really stick it to the search bar. I was going say, that keyword optimization, right? sometimes I think people who name their movies kind of generic shit or the same thing as another movie, even if it's not in relation to that movie, I'm like, you've got to pick a more unique thing. Just in the day of the Google, you don't want to be the second search.

You wanna be the first one. So, but yeah, good on you. I forget this director's name. It was her first movie she ever made, which really impressed me. First feature film. Visually, I think this movie is stunning. Stunning, what a great little thing. It did just snow where we lived this past weekend. Yeah, that's nuts. was like piss me the fuck off. Yeah, thankfully I didn't get it where I was, but I saw photos and my mom sent me. It looked like a whole winter wonderland. There was like five inches or something. pissed.

but we're easing into spring. So I thought this was a really beautiful movie to watch as we're sort of beginning the springtime season. Even though they do all the seasons in this movie, it is visually very pastel. spring. Yeah. It's really, yeah. We're going into like the Easter holiday next week and it is very that. You had seen this movie. Yes. Did you see it when it came out? No, I think this was...

Cause it was, it was like a COVID release. Yeah, it came out February of 2020. So I think it was in the theaters, but then maybe got cut short or justice shit was about to hit the fan. I think I saw it a couple of months later and I enjoyed it. And I probably watched it once, once again. So this may be my third time watching it or something. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy it. And I think it's again,

The SWAMP (06:23.746)
I know we just did an ensemble month, but it is again, another pretty ensemble cast. Yeah, like kind of a more modern day ensemble. We'll have the cast of Sex Education. Right, my God, Adam Groff. caps and then when Corked Up Lily showed up as well. loved that shit. Shouts out to the Netflix original series, Sex Education, one of the only Netflix originals that has come in recent years that I thought was worth.

I'll say shouts out to the first two seasons of Education. Like any Netflix original, it's gotta over say it's welcome. Of course, yeah, yeah. Just rot into the ether. Right. I did watch through the end. Of course. It felt like I had to. Yeah. Was it bad? Yes.

But I mean, at least I watched through the end of that. I never even got through like Killing Eve. That's like another one that comes to mind when I think of shows that started off really high and then ended really low. What network is that one on? It was a BBC. Yeah, Hulu, think was... Once it gets acquired by the streaming, that's when it gets really bad. Yeah. speaking of Black Mirror. Yes, she's back. Black Mirror's back, but now newly acquired by Netflix.

So it used to be a different production company. was a British production company. And I don't know if it's, I think his name was Charlie Booker, the same writer, director. I don't know his involvement with the new season, but now that it's owned by Netflix, people are like, these critiques are a little...

weird coming from like, you're gonna make like a critique about streaming services. As a streaming service? Okay, Netflix. Yeah. The call is coming from inside the house. Have you watched any of it yet? No, I've just seen people on Twitter saying that it's bad. And being like, well, of course, like it's acquired by Netflix. Yeah. of course the quality is just I think they only released like three episodes too and they're all like substantially long and like. Right. Yeah, I don't know.

The SWAMP (08:26.798)
I just know that there's one that people are calling a new Santuna Perro sort of. What, because it's gay? Because it's gay, it's time traveling sort of, not interdimensional, I think it's time traveling. Right. And then there's a romance between two women in the time. And I think it also ends in a positive light, I don't know. Interesting. I just know Emma Corrin's in it, which...

Fine. Sure. But in breaking news today, they've been freed from the grips of Rami Malek. So I'm taking it as a win. Who is Emma Corrin and Rami Malek? We're what? they were together. It was a very strange duo. felt he he ensembles me a little bit.

know anything about this. They were like romantically. Oh yeah, would have been like dating for like two years. Oh, and now they're no longer together. Yeah. And this is breaking news. Breaking news to me because that's my non-binary crush. Right, right. So now you're getting there to shoot your shot. Of course. You're gonna say, I'm a quarrel. You're about to put in the most heinous Freddie Mercury veneer flipper and you're gonna show up at their front door and be like, hey baby.

what you like. Oh no. I just gotta go bug-eyed for a minute. Oh my God. Here's my thing. I wanted to see the amateur, right? Yeah. Did you see it? That's crazy to me that that intrigued you. That trailer looks like dog It looks really bad, but I like spy movies. Like I saw that new black bag one. Oh, how was that? It was interesting. It felt like there should have been a third act.

but there wasn't. Oh, I just sort of ended? Yeah, but it was also fine. It kind of felt like a play almost. Yeah, it was... Again, Michael Fassbender, can you be playing this autistic man? I don't know. Oh, okay, yeah. And then mommy, mommy, Cate Blanchett. Right, I was gonna say, but then Cate Blanchett is there.

The SWAMP (10:35.214)
Yeah, mommy. mommy. I always thought it was people on Twitter being like, y'all can't complain about everything being remakes, spin-offs, and sequels if you're not gonna go see this movie. Like, because it's an original screenplay, you know, that it's like a new idea and whatever. I can think that movies are also...

just bad and I don't wanna see them even if it's original. No, but like that it's important to go support movies that are original screenplays that aren't sequel. You know what I mean? Like, don't just be complaining about Snow White, get your ass to the theater and go see what was it called? Black Bag or whatever. And I was kind of like weird one to pick to really like guilt trip into people to try to go see, I guess. Yeah, it wasn't anything.

I wouldn't say that it was anything. Like wildly original. No. That's why I thought it was a weird commentary. figured maybe people really liked it or something. It's probably something that some man in like the 50s wrote that was like pseudo James Bond, but like just not any guy can write a book, you know? Like something like that. okay. Yeah, was just, was, yeah, it was fine. Yeah, I don't know. Which I agree.

I think obviously we should be supporting original screenplays and things like that. But also if your original screenplay looks bad, I'm not gonna go see it. I'm sorry. Well, right. And that's where I was with, what was it called? The apprentice or no, what's it? The amateur. The amateur where he's like, I'm decompressing the glass beneath you right now.

She's like, okay, I have to save my wife. It's always about saving the wife. Well, the wife's dead already. We know the wife's dead on this. I have to avenge my wife. Avenging the dead wife. Oh, what a new twist. Okay. Rachel Brosnahan, how do you say her last name? She's fire. they killed- She is good. If she was my wife and they killed her, I'd be pissed too. Yeah, honestly. Did you ever watch that one, Marvelous Miss Maisel? Oh yeah, yeah. Did all of it? No, not all of it. think- Again, I watched probably the first three seasons. two or three. Yeah. I think until Jane Lynch showed up.

The SWAMP (12:38.478)
Yeah, same. Right about until there. I think is like season three. think I've even rewatched seasons one and two with Henry. It never got further. And then I was kind of like, actually we can sort of stop here. know? Okay. You know, it was kind of running its course for the second time. But first two seasons were great. We're just going to keep on TV talk. I just finished season two of Severance. Was it as good as they say? Of course. And now I'm fucking livid because there was like three whole years in between seasons one and two.

So now, if I have to wait three more years for Ben Stiller to get his ass into the studio, I'm gonna be pissed. You might. I know, but I'll be patiently waiting. But I feel like in the last, like this year, I feel like it's kicked off more. So maybe they'll try and expedite it a little bit. Right. Also, there's probably the actor's strike in between. Oh yeah, that's fair. Also season three of Yellow Jackets just I was just about to ask. Well, that's the thing that I...

I feel like I know the plot because I'm on lesbian Twitter, but I don't know exactly what's happening. I just. I'd say it's worth watching. It's a fun. It's a fun watch. definitely does. I Shana gets so fucking evil. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But she is like definitely the main character of the show. And so you sort of grow to sympathize with her. But then you don't even know she's so fucking evil. But then it's like she's doing awful shit. But you're kind of like, I don't know. I guess I.

Melanie Linsky, like, cause it's Melanie Linsky. You can kill whoever you want, girl. You get a free pass and then the more gay it gets, the more you're like, well, is cannibalism bad?

Do what you want, girlfriend. No, the more I see about it, the more I'm like, okay, I think I will eventually. It's a pretty fun and gripping show. yeah, it doesn't take itself too seriously in the sense that it is like, it's pretty, well, it's about cannibalism and living in the woods and shit. it's kind of like... Getting fingered. Right, yeah, yeah, exactly. No, I would recommend it for sure. But that, yeah, that just gets off the way. So I'm sort of in a TV rut now that's sort of abruptly ended for me. Yeah, I'm not watching anything newer.

The SWAMP (14:46.648)
crazy right now either. I'm considering watching The New Last of Us. I'm not. I'll tell you what you should be watching. which also just came back, Hacks. okay. You need to watch Hacks immediately. It is probably the funniest show on TV right I have just seen the clip of her going down the escalator and then running back up the escalator and that that did kind of hook me. So maybe what season are we on?

now of hacks. Four. Four, okay. Yeah. How long are the seasons? 10 episodes, 20 episodes? Eight episodes, eight to 10 episodes, 30 minute episodes. Ooh, It's a pretty fast watch. It's really good. It's the same. the writer, one of the writers from Broad City, don't know if you, did you watch? The guy who fucks the beach ball, what's Well, yes. He plays Trey. I don't know what his name is in real life, but him.

and another writer from Broad City, she played Smelly Pussy Donna. But they're married and they write together and they're writing partners and there's another writer there as well. So they all write it, it is hysterical. He also gives one of the best performances I've ever seen. Like even better than in Broad City, because he's so good in the show. Yes, yes. mean, he's even better than in Broad City. I think there's some of the best comedians

on that show All right, I'll to give it a try then because I- And you watched Hannah's special. Yeah, I did watch her stand-up special, which I didn't love, but I did like. Yeah. I chuckled. Yeah, if you liked that, I think you'll like the show for sure. But I feel like stand-up specials are tough. That shit looks so hard. Even if I do little exhale through the nose, I feel like that's kind of a dub. a win. Yeah. Okay, we're not talking about the movie Anna.

We gotta talk about the movie Emma. As you can see, I have three bullet points though, so we're stalling a little Yeah, stalling for time. Oh Katy Perry didn't die in space. Oh my God, yes. Also, Gale King was there. Why was everyone- That was so funny. Oh goodness. about Katy Perry, but no one was talking about Gale Did Gale ring the bell? She looked pissed. Horrified. She looked not She did not wanna be there. They were up there for 11 minutes though. They went to space for 11 minutes and came back down. No, it's bullshit.

The SWAMP (17:03.662)
That's something that like I've done that in a dream before. So I think we've done the same thing. It's really, you know, I feel like I had the same amount of anxiety. what was this even for? Nothing. What was the reason? Just a dick Just to do it? Yeah, just showing off Jeff Bezos's. We sent women to space. Look, we did it. Yep. One of them was Jeff Bezos's future wife. That's all I know. Yikes. Yeah.

It's just, yeah, it's just them flexing. He should have put like 20 singles up there and made them do like a reality TV show, whoever wins gets to marry Jeff Bezos. 20 hot single women and they vote each other off. But then when you get voted out, you get pushed off the spaceship out into a new... Yeah, yeah. Into the void. Yeah, into the tube that sucks you out of the spaceship. then... picturing it like Tilda Swinton's...

and Snowpiercer, you know, when they threw the arm. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Something like that. But then it's like, you know, the last woman standing gets to be Mrs. Vezos. But Katy Perry and Gayle King signed up to be on the show because they felt like that was a great opportunity. Of course. Of Gayle King is the host, actually. Yes. Gayle is host. Katy Perry, is she still married to what's his name? Linda Bloom? Are they even married? think so. Or longtime partners? I they're married. I think they're married with at least one child. Wow.

And she took that risk. She went up to space. I think she, yeah. I'm gonna call it hoax. They didn't actually go. It's all fucking bullshit. They didn't go. Yeah. Or I'm gonna double hoax. That's not the same Katy Perry that left. They body swapped all those women. That wouldn't shock me. Something terrible happened up there and they got body snatched. I mean, we'll have to wait and see. This is...

You know what? The good thing to follow today up with is Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Oh, I still haven't seen that one, but you highly recommended it. would say, yeah, if you're kicking it after this. OK, but Emma, I never seen it. Yeah, please. I never read it. I don't. haven't read any Jane Austen. I don't know about you. nope. I never took any English classes that required. I usually avoided the like the Britlets. You took like the really the specified English classes, didn't you? Yeah.

The SWAMP (19:21.806)
I picked all of my English classes based on what teacher I wanted. Of course. Versus what the subject was. like- You had some favorites. Like the guy who taught the Shakespeare class, I was like, do not want to interact with him. Absolutely So I was like, all right, Midsummer Night's Dream, no thank you. You're not entering my brain. But so, yeah. And then obviously the teachers I liked were like the more weird, corked up white women. Obviously. A white woman teaching an African Asian class.

I'm not learning a thing, but I'll sign up. All right. Oh, I was actually thinking, this is so, again, off of the Emma path, but I was trying to think of every movie we had to watch in school. Oh, God. That would be a fun list to try to reminisce and put together. It would also be a fun month for the positive. Because like Osmosis Jones, right? Everyone had to watch that in school. Osmosis Jones and Schindler's List are the ones that come Schindler's List. I never had to watch Schindler's Oh, they made me, yeah. Three days of Schindler's List. Which English class was that?

European lit and philosophy. We had to watch a lot of it with you in that class. Dr. Zhivago. Yeah, it was European lit. That was just a movie class, actually. Yeah, honestly. The Romeo and Juliet from 1960 something. else? I mean, Tuesdays with Maury. Is that a movie? Yep. Which is crazy, right? I didn't watch the movie. Why would they make a movie with that? The Great Gatsby, of course. Oh, I didn't watch that in school. Because again, I didn't take American lit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's see, also Of Mice and Men, and To Kill a Mockingbird. Definitely just like the classic books you've got to read and shit. One that really stands out to me is Hotel Rwanda. my God, they showed us that in like seventh grade. Seventh Which was crazy. Geography class. Hotel Rwanda, yeah that was rough. And then we followed it up with Cool Runnings, which felt a little racist. That didn't feel really That they were like, let's do a cool down.

but keep these cultural vibes moving and cool runnings. Okay. Again, another white woman putting together that syllabus. We watched Contact. We watched Contact Angatica because our earth sciences teacher was a lesbo. Yeah.

The SWAMP (21:35.79)
recently divorced, feeling her feelings. said you guys are gonna make a topographical map and then we will be That was the worst project I ever had to do I think in my entire academic career. had projects harder and more, you know, effort.

full in co-actually no, not even true. I think that was still throughout college. Yeah. What do they call it in the Inside Out movie when the, when the balls, when the balls become a, like a, a core memory. They said all eighth graders need a core memory of screaming at their parents at 2 a.m. while they try to finish this goddamn topical, topographical map project. Yeah.

That was horrific. Yeah, we had a lot of weird movies we had to watch in our school career, but I felt like trying to pick some of the big ones would be fun for the My favorite one that we got to watch was, I think you were in my club, yeah. Again, the science teacher. It was essentially what would happen when the big one at Yellowstone erupted. Yup, yup. I forget, there was a name for it, I can't remember it, but yeah, yeah, that one only scared the shit out of me. A lot of weird movies. I don't know, I feel like my English classes didn't honestly.

Give me a whole lot to look forward to. I watched the Helen Keller biopic. Oh, what, they made one of those? Yes. Oh. Yes. But was it more about the teacher or was it about Helen? Both. Their relationship, basically. Did they show her flying the plane? I wish. I don't think so, unfortunately. Damn. They could have shown this in school though, because this was rated PG.

This is this movie. Oh yeah, this is a sexless movie. Yeah, yeah, they dance without their gloves on, which is really spicy for the Regency era. Which, okay. Give me your bits of knowledge, please, tell me. This is all I know. Just, speaking of no gloves, know as we watch Emerald Fennel,

The SWAMP (23:36.462)
destroy what's it called, Wuthering Heights. Margot Robbie is shoulderless in a shoulderless gown. Yeah, collarbones out fully. Is that Regan Sierra? 35 years old playing a 19 year old character. so fucked. Yeah, every new behind the scenes still we get. Enraging. My Twitter feed goes crazy of everyone just being like, fuck this shit.

I'd say this one seems pretty accurate though. Yeah, I read on IMDB that they had like a accuracy coordinator. Yes! whatever, like a period accurate regency. Let's fucking go. And she asked specifically like, it have been too scandalous for them to not wear the gloves? And she said only because it was after they had ate. Presumably you take off your gloves to eat and so then if you had returned to the dance floor, you know, maybe your gloves got messed up or something and that it would be okay.

you know, maybe before it would have been turning some heads because people would have thought you taken them off without reason. But yeah, yeah, you know, fingers touching skin to skin contact was a woo hoo. That's crazy, dude. They did. Wait, I think this movie is PG and they showed ass. We see that man's whole ass. We do see his ass. That is PG. can show male ass and be PG. I guess so. Both butt cheeks. Fine by me. I guess.

I mean human body I feel like I guess but where does that stand? bet if it was a woman's ass Yeah, I would have been PG-13. that's true. I wonder I wonder where we stand on that at the the ratings Academy Because yeah, that seems kind of non PG to me. Yeah, the misogyny crazy But I think in this movie I was trying to think I was like was there crazy miss I mean other than just like have to get married to have status like well, course Yeah, no, but

But the Regency, from what I know, the Regency is like this 15 year period? really not a lot of time because it was when the King decided to let his son rule, hence Regents. Which King? He was the King Regent. I don't know whoever, 18, whoever, know, Bridgerton times. Sure, Because Bridgerton is based off of the Regency, but obviously takes a ton of liberties because they're like, and the Queen was a black woman. Yes.

The SWAMP (26:02.828)
Sharna! We love it! But yeah, he let his son be the king, even though he was not dead. it was a sort of new thing. So it was the Regency, but then the Regency ended, of course, as soon as he actually became the king. So was just during his Regency reign. I don't know, probably one of the Charles? Sounds about right. I'm not gonna even pick up my phone and Google it.

because that's how little I actually know about this. basically- I was gonna say, so what importance is- The reason why it's really important was just because the fashion and the style was pretty distinct. We get all the really high waistbands of the dresses and it's- High collars. High, high collars. sideburns. The mutton chops. Your collar has to touch your mutton chops as a man, which is wild.

Hold on, now I want to know because Jacob Elordi has the mutton chops. Yeah, I don't actually know if Wuthering Heights is considered to be Regency era, because I know that's the Abrante. But basically, the Regency is so popular because Jane Austen was writing during this period, critiquing and sort of making fun of, you know, high society. And so her books being really popular and being about that kind of upper echelon of people is why it's so remembered, because, you know, my husband put it good that if she was

put it well, that if Jane Austen had been born 40 years earlier, then whatever 40 years earlier would have been considered, you know, an important period. It's basically because Jane Austen was writing these books is why people fucking care about it. But yeah, the fashion too, because then I think later we move into the Victorian era, which also has pretty distinct fashion styles. So we moved quite quickly on from those like really high waistbands and the.

the little puffy cap sleeves. What's the, what's the T? Wuthering Heights happens right before. Right before. Yeah, so like 1780 to like 1801 basically. And this is like 1811-ish. Sure, sure. Yeah. Makes sense. yeah, no collarbones were shown. Absolutely not. Absolutely the fuck not. Absolutely. We are buttoned to, pea coat buttoned to the top. the top. Yeah, we are at our prudest around this time, I would say. Oh yeah.

The SWAMP (28:13.814)
Yeah, sexless. Sexless. Absolutely sexless movie. But beautiful. Every frame was an oil painting. Yeah, I was about to try and say that I was about to try and make a horny and say who I'd get it, you know, down and dirty for. But none of the boys in this movie, none of no one really, none of the girls really in this movie. You weren't into Mr. Elton, the vicar, a.k.a. Josh O'Connor.

So if you don't know, if you don't know the plot of Emma, I can summarize it for you real quick. It's that Emma, the titular Emma played by Miss Anya Taylor Joy. She is sort of this to do up and coming girly pop. Yeah. She's rich. Yeah. Never had to like stress a day in her life. She's skinny. She's rich and she's a little bit of a bitch. Literally. Exactly that. Because she's sort of like

doesn't have enough bitchy girls in her social circle to even compete with. So she's just kind of like punching down a lot. All the time. And she fancies herself a bit of a matchmaker. Sure. But she likes to set everyone up, but she's like kind of ass.

Yeah, she's not very good. And we start off with her, what do you call her governess? Yes, yes. I was gonna, I was about to say her Maria. Yeah, her live in nanny. Lady, yeah. was just Yara Greyjoy. She sets Yara Greyjoy up with a man, This old man whose wife had died and she sets them up and so then. And she was like, everyone said he would never marry again, but I did it. I got.

them together. And so she sets that couple up. And then that means she has to leave. So that means she has no friends now. Exactly. I need a new friend. And I heard that there's a girl at the school down the road. Hey, there's a new weirdo in town who has no parents. So she can has no excuse to not come hang out with me every day, basically. And that's me a goth. my god, poor sweet me ago. Harriet Smith. And so basically, she's like,

The SWAMP (30:16.43)
I have no friends, you're my bestie, you're coming over every day and I'm gonna find you a boyfriend." And she's just sort of like, well, I'm poor so I have to do everything you say. She's also like a little, she gives me a little bit of like, stupid energy. Yeah, well she's just like naive I think. And she doesn't really know how to behave in high society as much because she's just like not used to it, that's not how she was brought up. Yeah, it's one of those things like she, her character brings a tear to my eye constantly throughout this movie because she just,

is like the embodiment of how it feels to be like 14 years old, I think. Or to be the one poor person at a rich person function. Also that. Not that I identify as poor poor. Sure. Like I am not had to struggle for much in my life. But do you ever attend an event that is way outside your tax bracket? Yes. And you're like, fuck, fuck. Yeah. Everyone's looking at me because I smell poor.

like Dr. Ali Loak's fucking ethical, what is it? The olfactory ethics. can smell the poor on me. I can tell. But Mia Goth, Harriet Smith comes around and basically Emma wants to set her up with Josh O'Connor, who is the vicar. And I was like, he's a priest. He literally can't fucking get married. Why is she trying to these strings? But then I Googled it and I guess he could.

What's it called? Not the Catholic Church, Protestants or whatever and all that, right? I don't know, but I Googled could Regency priests get married and basically all of the Reddit threads were like, Church of England. Everyone was basically like, hey, in Jane Austen books, why are priests available? Here's why. And then I was like, OK, so it's not just me. It's not just me. OK, OK. Word. But basically, then he is spending a lot of time with them. But it turns out it's because he's eyeballing Emma. Uh huh. And then he sort of

gets into a carriage with her and is like, hey, you wanna be my wife? And she's like, dude, I'm trying to set you up with my friend. And he's like, I have not ever even looked at her. He said, I literally couldn't care if she lived or died. I only cared for her because she was your friend. Right, literally. Even though they go through this whole process of like painting her portrait to gift to him, he frames it really nice. It's like, how could he not tell that, like he's like, it's just a stupid fucking man.

The SWAMP (32:36.238)
Absolutely. But then basically Emma has to break it to Harriet like, hey, I was really trying to make this happen for you. also, Harriet has turned down the boy that she actually liked. God, bisexual icon Adam Graf. Adam Graf from Sex his little front hair, like pushed forward like a lesbian, I love it. His mutton chops. Love. He's like a farm.

boy basically and she is like, I'm really excited because I like this farm boy and Emma's basically like, well, now that you're my friend, I can find you someone of status. And because you are of no status, we got to elevate you girl because if we're going to be friends, you've got to have a husband who's in society and a farmer is not of society. So basically he does propose and Emma really encourages her to no to turn him down because she's like,

I've got better options for you waiting. So she says no regrettably. And then Josh O'Connor just is not taking the bait. No, Josh O'Connor crashes out momentarily. Yeah, leaves for six weeks, marries the other girl from sex education. Yeah, Lily, marries Lily. Brings her back and she's just like a hoot and a holler. But this other whole thing is happening where Emma's sister Isabella is married to this man named George Knightley. Yes. And George Knightley's brother.

Mr. Knightley, know was his name, blonde man, love interest. I forget his first name. They just call him Mr. Knightley all the time. Because they're so proper. Hold on, hold on. But basically Emma's brother-in-law, her sister's husband's brother. I don't think I even realized, George Knightley. George. I don't think I even realized that was the connection. That was- Well, that's why he was around so much. Because he's technically their family member. And that's why when they go to dance, she's like, well, we're basically brother and sister, but-

far enough removed people won't think it's too weird we're dancing together. Which is why, do you know that Clueless is Emma? Oh yes, yes, yes. That's why she ends up with her stepbrother, Paul Rudd. I never watched Clueless. well that's why it's okay that she ends up with Paul Rudd because it's based on Stepbrother, yeah. But it's like, no, definitely your sister's husband's brother is way more acceptable than your stepbrother. Yeah, absolutely. As if.

The SWAMP (34:56.312)
You're a virgin who can't drive. My mom made me watch that movie when I had pneumonia. So I think of it back on it being an awful movie, but I'm like, I think I just had pneumonia, but I've never- was just dying. Never rewatched it since. And I was always like, Jen, that movie sucked. But I was like, I think I also had pneumonia. It's one of those ones I should probably watch eventually. iconic fashion. Yeah, we'll see. That, would say it is a period piece for sure. True, true, true. Also, you know, one of those modern retellings of a classic.

And ma, ma, my ma, mm, is here.

was so bad. Ah! I'm like, the movie wasn't Ma, was it? Ma, imagine? That's where I wasn't sure. I was like, where are you? I'm taking this to a place only Octavia Spencer can occupy. Of course. And that's the hit role, Ma. No, my mom, Jen, is here, as always, to do her interim podcast segment, Chocolate or Vanilla. I'm sorry for that awful transition. Hardly a transition. Why do I feel the need to do transition?

music in to let you guys know that it's time for this thing. I don't know why I'm like trying to explain myself. I felt like when you're trying to teach a baby a new word. Ma. Ma. Like this. Yeah. I made the mistake of doing a pretty solid impression of an elephant in front of a baby that I'm around pretty frequently. Every time he sees me, he puts his hand up to his face. He's like, do the elephant noise, bitch. I know you can. I know you know that.

which I'm very proud of him for making that connection. But now I'm just elephant noise lady. Well, now you have to perform. Yeah. be a woman is to You're anti-elephant. Anti-elephant. You know, I'll take it. Baby, I know pretty well. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm not going to name drop a baby. Sure. Of course. I'm not trying to gas up. I'm not trying to nepo connect myself. Of course not. No, He's got to earn it. Exactly. But Jen is here.

The SWAMP (36:58.666)
She's just going to say two things. We're all going to say which one we like better. Chocolate or vanilla. That's the game. Is there a theme this week, Jen? Yeah, these are names with four letters like I was close by saying Ma and Ma. This is good. OK, so we're just picking names. Yeah, so it might be their first name. It might be their last name, but there is four letters. And we're the person, not the name, but the person. yeah, the person for sure. OK, yeah. So chocolate or vanilla.

Chocolate. Vanilla. Chocolate. Chocolate, vanilla or strawberry? Chocolate. I'll say strawberry. Yeah, I want to go strawberry also. First one is Milo from Atlantis or Yago from Aladdin. Milo. From Atlantis. that's like sexual awakening, really important textbook material type quality material there.

Yeah, I would go Milo also. Next one is Jet Tila, Bobby Flay or Kat Kora. These are all chefs from the Food Network. And really notably, anytime Jet Tila is on the TV and my dad says, I want to get invited to a dinner party at that guy's house. You know, it rocks. You know, that guy who's a great dinner party. I'm like, I bet they all do, Gary. They're all professionals. Wrong, though. I to hang out with Jet. He's in Jet Tila about that. And know, whose house?

I don't want to go to for a party. Bobby Flay. Bobby Flay. Well, Bobby Flay seems like he fucking sucks. He gives me terrible energy. Who's the last one? Kat Korra. She's one of the Iron Chefs. know, Iron Chef Kat Korra. She's badass. But I'm going to pick Jet Tila because I often do root for him in competition settings because he just seems like a nice guy and his food always does look fire. Gary does have a point. would like to. Jet Tila, if you're listening, I think you should invite my dad to your house sometime.

He would really like it. I know he would. He talks about it every time you're on the TV and his plus one. Yeah. I am going to have to pick cat Quora just out of lesbianism. I'm going to go to Tila. Next one is the band Toto or the band Sticks Sticks Toto is total.

The SWAMP (39:18.618)
one hit wonder. Toto is absolutely I think there might be a two hit wonder. I think there's yeah, I think there's another song which escapes me at this moment. yeah, it's. Yeah. Renegade. my God. I'm screaming that in my car. Sticks for the sweep to like Best of Times was one of my favorites growing up. Next one is dogs. So Nana from Peter Pan or Lady from Lady and the Tramp.

Nana from Peter Pan. I don't remember. She's like the nanny dog. She's just at the beginning. She's like a St. Bernard. She's like the darling children's dog. She wears the little hat. Yeah, Nana. And Lady and the Tramp represents the upper class. Exactly. So I'm always going with the Tramp. Yeah. Which is five letters. Five letters. I'm going to go with Nana also. Next one is Finn or Kurt.

my God. Kurt, when watching Glee back in the day, his storylines were often the ones I was the most invested in. Except did you see recently that Darren Criss and Diana Adron have reconnected with Lea Michele and that Riley is pissed and has blocked them? How do we know that? From Poo Crave. From my reliable news source, Pog.

No, but yeah, definitely just something I saw on Twitter. like, Lea Michele was reportedly just like a fucking nightmare, awful person. that doesn't sound like Specifically to Amber Wrigley and to, you know, lot of the people on set. And so them like hanging out with her is like, the fuck is wrong with you? That bitch literally terrorized me. Yeah, pretty nasty. Yeah.

go hold on one more minute. Finn or Kurt. Kurt yeah yeah yeah sorry Kurt. There's so much about Kurt that makes me giggle. Mostly when people put the dune. But it's Kurt and then like now that's all I hear is Kurt Hummel singing the dune. That's just one of my favorite things too of like there's certain songs that come out and everyone's like you know Kurt would have killed this ugly. Yeah Pink Pony Club. Yeah.

The SWAMP (41:38.974)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, Kurt for the sweep, definitely. I am bummed out if Mercedes is mad at Blaine, though. Next one, Christian Bale or Brad Pitt? Christian Bale. Christian Bale every time. Brad Pitt. Piece of shit. He is a piece of shit. If your own kids don't talk to you, that is a crazy red flag. of your kids are actively not on speaking terms with you.

sign, my guy. Not looking too good for you. Yeah, Christian Bale easily. I have nothing bad to say about Christian Bale. Never. No. Yeah, I'll go with Christian Bale. Next one is two people who played a Cinderella version. So Lily James or Drew Barrymore. What was Drew Barrymore, Cinderella? I don't know that one. It was called like Ever After or something like that. And she was she definitely played Cinderella.

So I haven't seen that one, so I cannot speak to Drew Barrymore's adaptation, but I will say maybe it was just because it was the first live action. So things really hadn't gone down the shitter at this point. But I actually remember quite enjoying the live action Cinderella when I saw it in the theaters. I felt like they did something with it that warranted it being live action, right? Like the stylistic choices they made. was like, this makes sense. But everyone since.

has just gotten worse and worse to the point where we're literally just doing shot for shot remakes with nothing changed, nothing restyled. We're even just using CG and calling it quote unquote live action. It's just dog shit. Just to retain like IP. It's fucking stupid. Y'all know how we feel about this shit, but I do remember having a pretty decent time seeing the live action Cinderella and I thought Lily James did a pretty good job.

I'm just gonna go for Drew Barrymore, because I enjoyed Drew Barrymore on this one. Yeah, I'm gonna go with Lily James. I love Lily James. Next one is Elton John or Mick Jagger. I guess I'll pick Elton John because his body of work has resonated with me personally more than Mick Jagger's, but hasn't it come out recently that Elton John has got some Epstein connects? Or am I wrong on that? couldn't say. Maybe flat, don't do your own research. Double double back and check on that, but.

The SWAMP (43:58.786)
Don't listen to me. think we just learned that Elton John's a bad guy. Unfortunately wouldn't shock me too much. Yeah, I my first inkling was honestly to say Mick Jagger as much as I do. I like Elton John, but I do think I enjoy a little more of the stones, honestly, at least these days. So I'm going to be like, I was going to pick Elton John, but I'll shout out to my friend Jill, who loves the stones.

Next one is Lucy Hale or Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. What the fuck? But these are like two things I liked when I was eight. Like I have to, I like legally have to shout out Lucy Hale because I named my goldfish after her when she was on American Idol Junior and she came in like eighth or something. And I was rooting hard for Lucy Hale and I named my goldfish Lucy and

then she ended up becoming mega famous into my teen and then adult life. And I wouldn't say she's still mega famous, but she's still medium famous. Yeah, I'd like C-list. C-list, yeah. But that's way more than anyone else who was on American Idol Junior. That's for sure. I know how to pick them. I'm going to go Lilo on this one. Yeah, I will go Lucy Hale. That goldfish lasted forever. Yeah, it would not die.

Again, I know how to pick up. Yeah. That goldfish moved like three times with us. And it like turned gray. It like was a goldfish and then it just turned gray. Oh, I know. It was like a gray. There just was a gray fish then for the last whatever. She says it looks alive a while. It was also definitely very unethical. I've since learned about the ethics of goldfish and how you actually have to have like tons and tons of gallons of water.

and putting them in those round bowls causes them psychosis. That's the most unethical thing you can do to the fish. I've since learned. I'm a responsible head owner now. Speaking of fish, Nemo or Dory? Nemo. Fuck Ellen Degenerate. Yeah, I'm going to have to go Nemo on this one. I think everyone picks Nemo over Dory. Last one, and sorry, you're not going to know.

The SWAMP (46:23.638)
You're going to have no frame of reference. Theo Von or Tory Deal. Tory. I know who Theo Von. Theo Von. Yeah, he's from real world also. That's why I threw him in there. Theo Von from having his shitty ass podcast. TikTok. TikToks. He started on the challenge. interesting. I actually I don't know if I have I seen any challenges that Theo Von has been on. We'd have to dig deep, but I don't think so. I didn't realize he got his start on MTV.

I just thought he just like was a podcast guy. No, we love Tori Deal in this house. We watched this show on MTV called The Challenge and it's basically like the most C-rate reality TV slop there is. They just like people live in a house and do challenges and they think they're really cool. But we've been watching it for like decades now. mean, Jen has been watching it like for literal decades.

But Tori Deal is a contestant on that show and she is pretty alright. So I will pick her. I'm gonna go Tori Deal because it's not Theo Vaughn. Yeah, Theo Vaughn is inspecting the mind virus of slop content. That's for sure. Yeah, of course. I'm going with Tori Deal. I love me some Tori Deal and I just bought her book, her poetry book called Soul Spill.

And it's so good. What did we say we had to ask Jen at the beginning of this What did we have to ask Jen about?

There's no way I remember now. God, I have no idea. When I listen back, I'll just address it at the next one. Yeah, everyone. Everyone stay tuned for next week when we find out the answer to the question we had to ask Jen this week. I had to I was telling everyone about how I remember 9-11 and they were like calling such bullshit on me that I had to I had to get affirmation from my parents. I was like,

The SWAMP (48:21.646)
Jen, Gary, tell me I'm not crazy. I remember 9-11. They had you popped out in front of the TV. My friends were making me think I was getting gas lit. was like, they're like, you don't actually remember that. I'm skeptical. You just remember your parents telling you about it. And I'm like, that is also remembering it.

but this is not chocolate or vanilla related, but I was just about to do it. My new vocal stem ever since watching Boogie Nights last week has been when I feel stupid. I did the Philip Seymour Hoffman, idiot. I'm such a good idiot. Idiot. That's really been bad for my mental. I'm like hitting myself in the head, idiot, idiot. I'm like, yeah.

stopping myself from drunk driving because I just tried to kiss Mark Wahlberg. Idiot. That's how I feel because I can't remember the question we had to ask you ten seconds ago. Maybe I'll remember what question I was supposed to ask you. But maybe not. And we'll see you next time. Love you too. Bye. Emma is always hanging out with Mr. Knightley because he's just around sort of and they sort of have this little.

back and forth. They're always bickering. He thinks that what Emma does is like meddling and not really very cool. And Emma says, I'm helping my friends. He's like, you think you're so fucking smart. You think you're better than everyone else. Which is not true. He's not afraid to call her out really. Cause everyone else is like, she's so beautiful and of status that we need to like, put her foot around that she's kind of a bitch.

Which speaking of Mrs. Bates, who's this other, they keep calling her like poor, but she's just like this other woman like in the town of the town. Sure. Yes. And her niece, Jane Fairfax comes in. Jane Fairfax clinically depressed. Yeah. So it's just like so good at playing the most somber piano music.

The SWAMP (50:17.986)
She's like, let me get up there, only minor chords. Yeah, literally. So she shows up to town and she's basically this other pretty girl who has talents and could potentially be, you know, a suitable wife for someone. So Emma decides that's my enemy. Yes. She's like, OK, I have one friend now, so everyone else is enemy. Every other woman is my enemy. Yeah. And so now that Jane shows up, she's basically like, fuck you. And also, you know,

not of the same economic status. So again, very much punching down. Yeah. Which also there's a Mr. Churchill who is sort of floating into the picture. And that's her governess, Yarra Greyjoy's new husband's son from his last marriage. Yes. So stepson to her former bestie. Yes. Callum Turner.

Dua Lipa's Only thing I've ever seen him in in my life. Only thing I've ever seen him in is Dua Lipa's vacation pictures. Exactly, exactly. he's like, does this man even act? People always put him in fan casts for shit and I'm like, what is he Girl, he's not doing that. This is the first time I've seen him. Yeah, I've never seen him in anything besides this. Which is so funny that Emma then sort of takes a liking to him because he looks exactly like Josh O'Connor. They look exactly the same.

So it's like, understand why she wasn't into him. Cause he's sort of like a bumbling priest guy, but I'm sort of like, what's the difference? Not, they're not too far off. They look really the same to me. But yeah, he shows up and he's sort of this Anthony Bridgerton type. would say like he likes to travel and he, you know, he's big man on the town. He left to take care of his sickly aunt, but he likes to sort of gallivant around and do what he likes. he,

comes back to town and he's sort of like, let's have parties, let's shake things up. And so he and Emma sort of get to liking each other. it seems. They organize a ball. Yeah, and then it all sort of comes together where then Harriet thinks she likes George Knightley. Yes. But George Knightley is really still trying to get her back together with Adam Grant.

The SWAMP (52:33.102)
And then Emma's starting to think that she's falling for Mr. Knightley. Right, but it's like, that's kind of weird because that's your brother-in-law. But she's also still intrigued by Mr. Churchill. Right, and then again, a bunch of shit happens and she learns that Mr. Churchill and Jane Fairfax have been secretly engaged. Even though they never have been interacting in public. She heard like one rumor that they had crossed paths when they, you know, in a different town.

over many seasons ago. And she's sort of like at the modist, she's like spill the tea and he's like not my tea to spill. But really the tea was thought that they are actively engaged. He like sends her a piano, like secretly everyone's like it's a secret piano, but it's like, it turns out it wasn't a secret because they were literally already engaged. And so like she's sort of like, whoa, caught off guard about that.

but then it turns out the guy I really want has been in front of me the whole time. But she thought that Harriet was into Frank Churchill, but it turns out Harriet was into Mr. Knightley. And she's like, my God. She has to break her friend's heart again. over Harriet twice, which she's like the saddest puppy who keeps getting kicked. my God. I feel so bad for her throughout this entire movie. But then they work it out because she gets a nosebleed and she says,

Let me apologize, let me be the bigger person. I'm gonna bring a goose in a basket. I'm gonna fix this. To Adam Groff's farm and she basically smooths over like, hey, the two of you really should have been together the whole time. I was being a meddling bitch and me and my stepbrother are gonna get married. Everything's copacetic. And everyone's happy. And everyone's happy. That's the end of the movie. Yeah.

No, Anya Taylor-Joy plays a cunt very well. I mean, here's the thing about this movie is I always start off like I never end up wanting to finish it because I start off fucking hating Emma. You watch the first 30 minutes, I'm like, God, I have to watch this bitch be a bitch for another fucking hour and a half. And I'm like, I don't even care if she finds love. Stupid, all I care is if Bill Nye's draft.

The SWAMP (54:39.246)
He's putting up his folding, what do you even call them? Like those screens. His screens, yes. His screens, cause he's like, my knees are a little cold. I need to set up nine different angles of wood. Him and his daughter are like hypochondriacs. Right, yeah. And like she, Loki doesn't want to get married cause she likes being like his wife, Loki. Like she cuts to run the estate with him. Are you talking about Anya? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I was thinking about his other daughter.

Oh no, she's fucked off. Well, she's fucked off, but definitely on the hypochondriac and the Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're always calling for the baby. The doctor. The baby shits itself and then they call for the doctor. That was really funny. But no, Anya doesn't really want to get married because she kind of likes running the estate with her dad. And she's kind of like, we got to do our own thing here and chill. And if I get married, that means that I have to leave and go to live with a man, which is kind of the key part at the end is he's like, I'll give up my estate and come live here with you and your dad.

That's how much I love you, bitch. Now you're gonna stop loving you, bitch. I got no problem with your crazy dad. And I think that's sort of the... I like kiki-ing with him, actually. conclusion that we got to is that he's gonna come up with them. And that's sort of like, she wears the pants. And they don't have a traditional marriage because he actually respects her. Crazy. But I still stand that two blonde adults, that ain't right. Yeah.

The blonde on blonde action and you're related. I know it's by marriage, but you're not helping your case. No, absolutely You're not helping your case by looking the same. I was just happy that Mia Goth got what she deserved, which was a kind looking boy who will skip and run through a field with her. That was my favorite scene in the entire movie. When they smooch and they run through the field. was really nice. It was so cute.

I will say so from my topographical map of research about the movie, I found that a lot of people say that in the book, she is a bitch, but you also kind of understand that a lot of that she comes from a good place a lot of the time. Yeah, she's a bitch, but not on purpose. That she's just making a lot of mistakes. I think we've all but everyone's been there. That's a human being. Right. She's a young woman who's never had to what are the opening lines of the movie? She's never had.

The SWAMP (56:57.578)
stress or anything to vex her ever or whatever that she's just of this high status and that's why she's kind of being a rich bitch basically. you know she's trying to help her friends and she's trying to do the right thing but in this I was just like- rich and ignorant. But in this movie I was really just getting bitch. I was not, I think you are maybe a little more sympathetic to her in the book. would argue. I think the book also- This is again sort of in the Anna Karenina way that it's I feel like I do

I need a bit more inner monologue to get some of Yeah, which I think we get more of that as we get into the story, of course, which you do sort of start to sympathize with her a little bit. But yeah, from the jump, I'm like, fuck you, girl. You piss me off. Her telling Harriet not to accept Adam Groff's proposal. I'm like, that's like when boys get mad at football and they punch the screen.

what I'm doing. I'm getting up and I'm punching the air. My downstairs neighbors are pissed. They're why is she stomping? She's like a violin score behind me. Exactly. But I also guess in the book, it also is a lot more of the dealings of class, like the issue of class. And I think we do, obviously, that is one of the major themes here.

But I get more just like the dynamics of her friendship with Harriet more than like that distinct class element that everyone has to do what Emma says all the time because she's rich. We really get it when she says the, you know, three dull things.

why you don't ever stop at three. And then that woman like crumbles, but has to hold it together. And then later when she goes to apologize, she's still like, you're always so kind, we love you. Like she actually doesn't even say sorry. She just shows up with a gift basket, which is like that. I think some more critiques on class, I think could have been welcome and are maybe more present in other adaptations of this. would love to see.

The SWAMP (58:58.872)
Gwyneth's version. Right, well, I had, yeah, I'd never seen that and then looking at the cast, I was like, wait, maybe I gotta go back and Was that also Starzcast? Yeah, I just know Alan Cumming plays the Josh O'Connor character. Of course he does. that's so good. It's 1997, Emma. Jeremy Northam, I don't know who that is, but that's okay, Mr. Knightley. Tony Collette plays Harriet? Yeah.

Tony Collette as Harriett. Love that. shit. that's good. Okay, maybe I do have to go back and look at this. You and McGregor

All right, sign me up. Yeah, maybe you just watch the average and after this. Right, it did make me wanna, and then I think there are a lot of TV shows and recorded stage productions that are apparently just really good. I know a lot of Jane Austen adaptations, the BBC does a lot of those. Pride and Prejudice, I has been done a thousand times. Of course, yeah. Because I think, I mean, they're like thousand,

page books. So there's just like a lot you could get into. Yeah. And then especially, like I said, like the themes you can really only do so much, especially on when this movie is focused so much on just like the beautiful aesthetics. Or sometimes I'm like, I don't really care that we're not digging too deep here because I'm just looking at the beautiful set dressing. Yeah. Yeah. costumes. my God. This was nominated for costume and makeup at the Oscars, but lost both.

to Ma Rainey's Black Bottom. Okay. They did make Viola Davis look so sweaty. Yeah. She wanted her Coca-Cola, God damn it. Yeah, they had somebody on standby with a mister for That's for sure. So I'm not gonna say that Oscar was not well earned because I certainly remember it. yeah, yeah, no, that was a look, God damn it.

The SWAMP (01:01:01.742)
Yeah, this one, what was it? The cinematographer for this movie hasn't done like a whole hell of a lot that stood out to me though. Interesting. Really? Yeah, not much else? the director as well? Okay. The mid-90s, which I did really like. Sure. And then it was like... All pretty distinct. The bling ring. Oh, Which I will say solid, but yeah, nothing else like too insane. And yeah, the director, has she done anything? What's her name? Autumn DeWild. Autumn DeWild. need to...

say women's names. like that woman. That lady. You know, that woman director. Yeah. You know, I could be talking about any of the three of them. No, and nothing else since. um. Damn, I saw a tweet that was like who, what director has made a banger movie but nothing else, like only one banger. And the only good response I saw was Bo Welch, who's the guy who made the cat live action Cat in the Hat movie. That's the only movie he ever directed. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Autumn De... What is her name? DeWild. Autumn DeWild. Yeah. Another sneaker, Johnny Flynn on this as Mr. Knightley. What's a sneaker? that he's not really He's not really in anything else and I thought he was pretty solid in this. Yeah, I thought he was really good. He was also really good at being like a not traditionally very handsome guy who made me really like in root for him. Yeah. I thought he was hot. Yeah. Even though he's a blonde man in a You thought he was hot?

I thought, yeah, he was giving a lot of time. was, okay, so here's my thing. Yeah, he felt very much in the way that, God, what's his name, what's his name? Keira Knightley. McFadden. Matthew McFadden. He felt very Matthew McFadden, but I would have, my only qualm with that Pride and Prejudice is that I think Matthew McFadden's performance is a little too subtle.

for me on this, I don't- you're not convinced that they even like each other until the end. Exactly. Sure, I would agree with that criticism. Yeah, I would say that I would have preferred a performance similar to Johnny Flynn's Right, right. Because I think he did an excellent job and I think that- That you could tell his intentions and that he liked her but was kind of holding back at times and that-

The SWAMP (01:03:15.118)
When she was with Calum Turner, he was kind of like gripping his fist. Yeah. And then when he's like, Mia Goth, why don't you come walk with me? It's like him trying to pull a little stunt. Sure. Which then sort of backfired on him. Yeah, I felt like because he looked so period accurate, I'm like, cannot picture He does not have an iPhone face. I cannot picture that man in khakis and a t-shirt. No, don't want to. He dresses that way 24-7. He must. yeah, the tights. He's got tights on. The tights. Yeah, the tights.

I did really appreciate the showing of how the men get dressed in this one because we get so much of that with women in period pieces. The corsets, Exactly, and watching them get dressed and undressed. Yeah, was a ton of And they try to make it seductive almost. I feel like we didn't get a lot of that on the girls' side of it which was so refreshing. And I liked seeing how the boys get dressed too because they're getting pampered the same way. We got ass as well. And we also got ass. Maybe that's why I liked it.

yeah, fair enough. nice too. Yeah, no, I just liked, I liked the scene where Emma and, what was her name? Hattie? Harriet. Yeah, Harriet. Not me looking at my family tree that I drew on. That was wrong while I was watching, because I was like, need to, I need to, I'm like, Mrs. Bates's niece is coming to

Let's see what's going on here. I did really appreciate that scene of Emma and Harriet with their little ties in their hair and doing the dance practice. This movie had me whipping out my foam rollers. I'm ready to do a ring curl. I'm ready to bring back maybe not those high waist, the empire waistline. That doesn't really look flattering on anybody. I'm 5'3". Those hairdos were going crazy. And the hats. Rich, rich.

Rich people, I dare you to please start wearing ostentatious hats again. Honestly. 10 feathers and just like the decor. How much shit can I put on a I liked, there was at one point she had like, I don't even know what it, it looked like a cat toy. You know, one of the cat toys that you like dangle from, like just pinned in her hair. my God. And they kept talking shit about Jane because her hair was like in a low pony and they're like, her hair looks like shit.

The SWAMP (01:05:25.262)
And I'm like, didn't have 10 hours to do it this morning. She was practicing the piano forte. Exactly. Sorry, she's a prodigy, girls. She was probably hanging out with her secret fiance, meeting up in the night, getting it on at the barn with Pam Turner. what else are you gonna do? Not putting her 27 buns up into, but yeah. Some girls have better things to do, okay? I loved Anya Taylor's, Joy's hair on this though. Just like so.

so aesthetically. She's naturally like that fucking blonde too, right? I'm sure. That's crazy. Yeah, I forget. She literally did look like a porcelain doll in this. palest skin you've ever seen. Yeah, she just has such beautiful striking features as well. Like her cupid's bow just. of course, yeah. Her like big eyes. Yeah, no. Mia Goth's big eyes, I will say, were the star of the show for me. They got too alien-esque looking women to be in this period.

They got to strong featured young girls. Yes, yeah, no. There's one scene in particular where they're sitting with, God, what's her name? Jane's aunt, the one that Emma fans. Miss Bates. Miss Bates. There's this one scene where Jane is- Was kind but poorly. Yes, kind but poorly, Mrs. Bates.

They're all like, all sitting there like with Jane and just like listening to Miss Bates rattle on and it was again another one of my favorite scenes in the movie is just watching Mia Goth's thousand yard stare go on for like three minutes straight and just watching her because I mean again, like you said, like everyone's been in that situa- maybe not everyone but when you are in that situation where it's just like someone that's talking that you have no

interest, no connection, no anything to. You have to respect them for some reason. You're like, I have to sit here and pretend to listen and be proper. Yeah. But just watching her like dissociate. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was very, very much the same sort of moment with Marky Mark last week in Boogie Nights where you're like, wow, you acted just then. yeah. Yeah. I I thought Mia got this great in this. She

The SWAMP (01:07:38.958)
I feel like we never get to see her sort of use her natural speaking voice. Yes. Which she was still, you know, acting and doing a character in this, but she always takes me so off guard in interviews because I'm thinking of like Pearl. Yeah. And also like, I don't know, her just like yelling. I don't know. But did he hug Tony Victor?

is just like really, but in this I'm like- just makes me, I always think of that interview where she starts speaking like French or whatever. I think it's Portuguese, it sounds like Simliss. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Or like Tom Nook at the Exactly, it's one of my favorite, and it's one of those things like I would vocal like, if I could even do it, but I can't. If it didn't sound like, terribly offensive.

No, but I thought she was so good in this as well. Really embodied that character. And Josh O'Connor. And just like her big gooey wet eyes. Just like so much emotion. A lot with those. Every time anyone slighted her But at the same time, her giant, giant smile when like, good Yeah, when she gets asked to dance and literally her teeth are like taking up 95 % of her face. Right. I'm like, girl, I don't even know how you can do that. You can see the wisdom teeth. Exactly. On that smile.

Yeah, no, her and Josh O'Connor were my standout performances from this one because he was just, he was getting freaky with it. yeah, yeah, he was a lot of fun too. I think in the book that, I think Jane Austen is really funny and not, again, I can't speak to it. I've never read any of them, but people say that her books are very funny and not something that gets left out in a lot of adaptations because the humor was very of the time and like critiquing.

The critiques on rich people was like more of a jab. And I think a lot of times now it's like, we are also idolizing that. Like, look how beautiful everything is. But it's like, no, it's supposed to be like kind of an undercutting funny commentary. And so I can imagine that the Josh O'Connor character in the book is like a really like comedic.

The SWAMP (01:09:44.622)
Sure. Like way more funny. Yeah. Cause he was in the movie, but I can imagine like even more so. Like the bumbling priest who comes back with a new wife. Yeah. Hilarious. She was so funny too. thought she was great. The bumbling priest begging for pussy. One crumb please. Speaking of who's crumb are you going to go after? Fuck Mary Kil, who would we say are the main characters? Emma?

Harriet and then do we, what Probably Mr. Knightley. Probably Mr. Knightley, yeah, I would say. Oh, I'm killing Emma. Yeah, I'm killing Emma immediately. I'm sorry, she definitely gives me high school bully vibes. I don't have, I'm sure there's good in her to be found and it won't be found by me. I will be hacking her up and throwing her body in the river. I'm gonna.

Obviously I'm gonna marry Harriet. I think we could live a brilliant, just easy life together. Yeah, she doesn't seem hard to please. No, not hard to please, but I would love, I'd love to give Mr. Knightley. Sure. a little something. I saw the ass and I'd like to see more. Sure. So I definitely, I agree with you on all three of those. then.

From the film, I'm gonna fuck Yara Greyjoy because that's a lesbian. That's a lesbian. At the beginning of the film, I was like, oh, is there gonna be like a yearning between Emma and her governess? And then I was like, wait, that's not it at all. No. Like that's just Yara Greyjoy, so I'm projecting a lot of sapphic energy onto her. then I think I'm gonna marry, who am I gonna marry? I'll marry Jane Fairfax. She's gonna play the piano for me.

It's going to be nice. We're not going to have a lot of money, but it still seems like the everyone they call poor still seems pretty well off. Yeah. So even though she seems really depressed, I'm also kind of depressed. So I feel like we could be we could vibe out. Fair. And then who am I going to kill out of everyone? Sorry, Josh O'Connor. Yeah, that's not like the way he accosted Emma in that in that cart. Yeah, not not ideal.

The SWAMP (01:11:57.258)
wait, maybe I'd also marry Bill Nighy though. I'll his just about to say. I'll be his second, I'll be his lady of the house. Mr. Woodhouse is my choice for my husband. And I also like, I like to keep it toasty as well. We can crank the heat. We are cranking it. We, you know, I do not mind keeping it nice and warm in there and then taking the fresh air during the summer. Go to the ocean to heal our melancholy. Yeah. Well that's when me and Jane Fairfax are good. yes, of course, of course.

Yeah, I'm gonna marry Bill Nighy. I'm gonna... Again, there's not really that many ladies in here that I'm gonna wanna honestly bone. No one's really making me jump, but I guess I'll go for Dua Lipa's boy. Yeah, Dua Leap. Yeah, I'll go for Dua Leap's, Kailum Turner. Sure. and Did I say Kailum? Kailum? Kailum? Kailum. I don't know. Dua Leap's man. Dua Leap's boy. and then I will...

not gonna kill, I'm gonna take Jane out of her misery, honestly. I'm gonna kill your wife. Honestly, fair. She looks pissed. She's like, if anyone asks where I am, just tell them I went home. I was like, so real. Irish goodbye, bitch. Me too. And the way that all their scheduled activities are like, look at other people's houses. Yeah, right. Come on.

also want to kill myself, thank you. We all have all this indisposable income. They're like, thank God we're putting on a ball. Like, thank God we're doing something. Anything, please. Other than just like sitting around listening to everyone play the piano, I guess. Yeah, I'm good. Finding spouses. I'm good, thank you. Finding a food and drink to watch with this movie though. it is not hard because all you have to do is Google Bridgerton.

cocktail party. Oh, really? Bridgerton is Regency. anything you want to be sort of Regency. And I would say Bridgerton also takes on that very like revved up visual style of like very saturated colors and like taking some liberties with the with the time period. But I did find a cocktail book called Gin Austin.

The SWAMP (01:14:09.87)
which I thought was funny. Oh, that's good. And just off the free preview I got, was one of the drinks, I think it was called like the Mr. Darcy something. But I was like, it still sounded good. So I'm gonna pick it for this Okay, what is it? And it was just gin, pineapple juice, lime juice, and you top it off with a sparkling rose. I thought that sounded really nice. And spring, and I spring, we're doing like a garden party, right? So like a nice dry, but still pretty sweet gin cocktail.

And then this is really easy, just a strawberry shortcake. I know that's super American, but just like classic. Well, here's what. When she seductively eats her little strawberry and that's- I take your strawberry shortcake and I raise you. Mind you, I know this comes later. The Victoria sponge. Right. That was my choice. What cakes? Very British, very- cake forward. Very cake forward. They also were having like a tea time with four people and the servants bring out nine six layer cakes and I'm like,

Fuck you guys for making the kitchen, bake all these cakes and everyone's nibbling on the corner of their little macaroon and they have a whole fucking spread. I'm like, I hope you let the staff finish the leftovers or you donate them or something. I was like, nobody's even cutting into those cakes. They're basically just for decoration.

Yeah, unfortunately, I did not find anything as good as J.N. Austin. So I just had like a nice champagne or a Prosecco. Right. You really don't need anything crazy. No. Yeah. Something bubbly and like, drink it out of a fun glass. Exactly. And what are you following this up with? Oh, so this did just make me want to rewatch Bridgerton. Watch some of the highlights of Bridgerton. Also, you know, some good sex education episodes, I think, like the one where Lily puts on the alien

sex play, like that was a really good one. Or the like Adam Groff learning he's bisexual by jacking off to both posters. That's a good one. But it also made me want to watch the Gwyneth Paltrow Emma because I googled the cast and I was like damn I gotta put that onto my two watch lists because now that I know the plot I can be like that's who that is. Also Clueless.

The SWAMP (01:16:22.03)
Maybe I should give another shot because I don't have pneumonia this time. Yeah, maybe. I feel like we'll have to get through it eventually, but not yet. And I think that, yeah, those are like my loose handful of answers. went for another COVID launch. Sure. I would say this also is a period-ish piece. The French Dispatch. Oh, yeah.

That's a good one. Yeah, European. And kind of a Wes Anderson sleeper. Yes. Because I feel like, again, not as much like promo and shit for it, but it was pretty good. I love a vignette. I would love to watch it again because I watched it like depressed on my birthday one year. So I need to. I did see that one in a movie theater that I later learned gave people lice. Everyone's like, don't go to that theater. That's the theater with lice. It's the lice theater. It's the lice theater. I was like,

wonderful, thank you so much. It was inside a shopping mall. I lived in Syracuse to go to school for a short period of time and sometime in the early 2000s, Syracuse decided that they wanted to compete and build a mall bigger than the Mall of America. Where's the Mall of America? Minnesota?

Somewhere out in the Midwest. I think it is Minnesota. If you're not American, the Mall of America is just the biggest mall in America. And there's like literally an amusement park inside of it. It's fucking crazy. If you ever seen Mighty Ducks, out Mighty Ducks. They roller skate around in the Mall of America in that movie. It's very, it's classic. But Syracuse was like, you know what we're going to do? Build an even bigger mall. I don't think they didn't realize that that takes so much goddamn money. So they built a huge mall.

but then they ran out of money and were like, cannot compete. And it got to the point where it's like not really that much of a novelty. It's just a huge fucking mall. But there is a movie theater inside of it that apparently has lice. And I saw the French dispatch there. That sounds like you made it out unscathed at least. I did. I didn't get, I have had lice, but it wasn't from that in my adult life. Honestly, I think at this point in my life, if I got lice, I would just shave my head. Fair. Which I'm pretty attached to my hair, but I think I would not.

The SWAMP (01:18:33.102)
Fuck with It's not worth it. I had as a child and I would scream while my mom combed through my hair and my dad came in once and turned on his buzzer and he was like, if you don't stop screaming, I'm gonna shave your head. I think I just screamed louder. So was like, bitch, no, you're not. Yeah, sounds like you and sounds like Gary. It's like empty threat, bitch. I'm gonna scream louder. Try me. Yeah. Yeah.

This movie was good. I like it. What are you gonna give it out of 10? I'll give it a 7. I was gonna say 6. Yeah, 6. Yeah, 6 and a half 7. Yeah, it was really pretty to look at. Made me want to watch other adaptations of it. like- That's something I'm dying for. No, not really. Yeah, the story was like, okay, romance. Yeah. Yeah, he was there the whole time and it turns out he's your stepbrother. Sure. Right. can fuck your stepbrother. Two blonde adults. Is it ethical? No.

Let's find out. But yeah, I thought this was really good. Would watch again for sure. Would definitely put on for the 5s. And thank you all for listening. You're great. Hopefully you aren't feeling too dire because, well, find something good and happy to think about. And thanks for letting us be, you know, in your ear holes, chatting away. Let us know what movies you would like us to cover.

drop it in the little suggestions below. Any of the DM methods. It's about that time. We need some May suggestions. we have so many. We, but keep, keep them rolling. Yeah, keep them coming. everyone, it's like my recency bias is awful. I'm like, wait, that's the one. And then it's also, don't think it has to be good because the worse it is, the more I like it. Yeah. The more you try to squeeze the word May into it. So for reference, if you're new here, every May I say it because we've done doing this podcast for a hot minute now.

Every May we pick an actor or actress and we put May into their name as a puns. We've you and May Gregor, Paul Mayno, May Rollstreet, and A. May Adams. Oh yeah, I forgot. Oh my God, we're on year five. So we're on our fifth. So what actor should we cover that you can fit May into their name somewhat feasibly?

The SWAMP (01:20:49.322)
Let us know. Let us know what you think. And we will get back to you on that one, you know, in a few short weeks. But if you have any final period piece recommendations or just other movie recommendations, doesn't have to be theme specific or new shit that's out in theaters. Also TV. Please recommend me some TV. I'm a TV hole right now. Yeah. But also if you watch Survivor, let me know who you're rooting for. I'm rooting for Camilla. So thank you. Have a great rest of your whatever.