Road House (1989)

No one ever wins a fight. Except for those of us who get to watch from the comfort of our couches. We're taking it outside this week and sucker punching you with a titillating review of the 1989 film Road House. 

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.398)
Hey, Emily, my God, do you see that guy over there at the bar? That's Dalton. Because I've transported us to a universe where bouncers, no, I'm sorry, coolers are local celebrities. you don't know? You don't know Dalton? It's, I don't even know where to begin with this movie. Cause yeah, where, I mean.

to assume that this whole movie takes place in a 30 mile radius from one bar to the next or something like that? No, no, Dalton is a global phenomenon. We have no idea where this movie even starts. Who's to say where the first bar is? And then Sam Elliott comes in and he's like way back in Cabo. Like he's just naming random cities. He's like, let's let us not forget Detroit. Like, he's just like.

dropping foundation of so much lore and the blind guitar player is also looped in on this. He also knows all of them. Who's to say how road housing works? It must be a really secure network of coolers, I'd have to assume. Is there a union? What do you think? my God. I bet Dalton runs the cooler union. He seems like he likes to lay down the law like that. He'd be a good union rep. Yeah, well he is.

Literally, he's Mr. Nice Guy. If anyone's Mr. Nice Guy, it's Dawson. Three Three rules. Be nice until you don't have to be. Of course. Of course. And we don't have to be nice on this podcast. It's our podcast. It is. Oh my god. And it's called The Swamp and it's an acronym. Stands for some whack ass movie podcasting. And it's Patrick Smaezy, the month of May. And we're only covering movies from the discography. Discography?

What do you call it? Filmography. Yeah, yeah. The filmography of Mr. Patrick Swayze, Rest In Peace. And I'm really, I'm really excited to talk with you specifically about this movie because you had never seen it before, correct? No, I had seen. You have seen the fuck ass 2024 Jake Gyllenhaal remake. Yeah. Have you not? Yes. So I last year I went through a breakup and I decided to watch a lot of bad movies during that time. And I think that's a very reasonable thing to do.

The SWAMP (02:16.206)
And that was one of them. Truly a fever dream. I couldn't tell you. mean, watching this, I'm like, yeah, I guess it's the same plot, but it's like, this at least has the 80s charm and the Patrick Swayze charm and the vibes and the blind guitar player. It feels AI generated, honestly. Well, wait, do you know? That's hilarious that you say that because

I don't fault you for having watched this movie, but I was sort of excited to pick it. It was one of those ones I was like, just wanted something nice to look at and Jake Gyllenhaal shirtless sounded nice to look at. didn't even tick that box. Right. It was weird. because it was exuding like UFC masculinity, which is not the kind of masculinity we're getting here in OG Roadhouse, which is like...

polite, respectful Patrick Swayze. Like, I am the alpha, but it is like, do respect women kind of situation. It's one of those things where it feels like it's just like they very much cast Patrick Swayze because he seems like that guy. Well, yes, because he was that guy, because this was right off of Dirty Dancing. So he was definitely the box office hit. And he had the ability to be an action star for sure.

And funnily enough, he like had a lingering knee injury from like high school football or something, which really flared up in the training for this movie. And so after this movie, he was like, fuck, I can't be an action star because my knee is like gonna, he's like, I'm gonna be a busted action star. And that's why he decided to pivot and get casting Ghost. And that's when he went to Ghost and he's like, I'm gonna do this sort of, you know, it's like We're going reverse here. We're really going reverse going through his, my God.

Yeah, so his sort of career pivot there was like an interesting, cause he was sort of projected from this movie to very much just be an action guy, like a Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis type. Thank God for a knee injury. I want to zoom it back though, because you say that it seemed written by AI and the new, 2024 Roadhouse with Jake Gyllenhaal is a fucking piece of shit ass movie. And they used AI during the sag strike to fill in

The SWAMP (04:31.97)
voices to do ADR like voice dubbing and that is really fucking shitty and the writer of the movie tried to sue Amazon was like, hey, you can't do that. Like what the fuck? This is my movie. And that is the last evidence I saw from headlines. So who's to say that ever got resolved or anything. But did you know that? Cause you just said this movie seems AI generated. Like it literally was. literally was. It feels, mean, absolutely in that sense.

Even with like the CGI was so wonky and weird, it felt like the frame rates were like wrong. It looked really bad, like exceptionally bad. I think this is one of the handful of movies that I gave like a half star on Letterboxd. Not even the full star. Yeah, not even the full star. The only other one is like, what's that Natalie Portman movie that's like so problematic?

Like that's the only other one with a half star on my letterbox. Uh-huh. Yeah, so it was definitely in that range. Yeah, was what I was hoping it would be so bad that it would cheer me up, but it was so bad that it was just so bad. And Conor McGregor, who is a piece of fucking shit, her despicable, disgusting human being like should be actively like zapped off the planet.

is also in it. that also just takes a dump all over it. how fucking lame that we're in this cycle where like UFC and like wrestler guys, like once they age out of their sport, it's like, and now you get to do action movies because you're so fucking famous. No, you don't just get to be an actor. You have to also be good at acting, Conor McGregor. You can't just you don't just get to be in Roadhouse. OK, so you. Yeah. Go look at Dave Bautista. Look at what he's done.

Okay, put in the work. Yeah, I hate yeah, fuck Conor McGregor. Speaking of wrestlers and sort of pro athletes going to movie star action heroes. Have you seen that new one with Dwayne Johnson? It's like a brother. I don't really know much about it. It's some true story about wrestling. Did you watch the trailer though? The bros love a wrestling story? No, I know nothing about

The SWAMP (06:45.024)
I know nothing other than that. after this to go watch the trailer because the way I know his hairline looks kind of crazy. The rock looks crazy. I've seen stills. The rock looks kind of crazy. confuses the shit out of me because it doesn't look like him. It does, but it doesn't. And I can't, I can't figure it out. Maybe like prosthet, like face prosthetics too, or like CG or something. I don't know. We'll see. Something. I don't know. But yeah, no, I hadn't seen this one. I had seen that Jake Gyllenhaal, but I'm,

Pretty sure you said your husband has shown you this movie before, correct? Well, yes, we had to watch this, well, we didn't have to, we got to watch this movie. Well, we were rescuing someone from like a roommate booty call situation where like they had to leave and we were like, we'll be the safe haven. Like, they have their scheduled sex, you know, can Let mom and dad come take care of you, wow, yeah.

flee the area and we'll watch Roadhouse and nobody's gonna have sex longer than Roadhouse. And that is exactly the case. So we came over, watched Roadhouse and then they went back. Because Roadhouse shouldn't be nearly two hour film. Wait, no, Roadhouse is the perfect length. I don't think it overstates its welcome.

You think Roadhouse is too long? I have no issues with the length of Roadhouse. at least 15 minutes. Maybe like the romance, cut the whole romance. whole romance. Cut the whole romance with the doctor and have him just fuck Denise at the bar after she does her striptease and that's how Patrick Swayze, but he's too philosophical. just, he would never. Tai Chi. The Tai Chi outside was so bold from Swayze.

Also, they wouldn't be shocked that that was like just something he did in his day-to-day life Right. They're like, hey, is anyone getting this? Are the cameras rolling? This is actually what he does before he does a take. This is process. Before he has to beat the shit out of someone. Oh my god. Yeah, how do we even begin to... mean, it's everything and there's nothing.

The SWAMP (08:49.034)
is world famous. He's a world famous bouncer. Just kidding. It's called the cooler. He's in charge of taking rowdy drunk people and fixing up the bar. He's the manager of the bouncers, essentially. Yeah, yeah. And he's like the big guy in charge. And so some actor who looked like sort of a store brand Michael Keaton, like a round Michael Keaton wearing a bolo tie. He's like, I need the best. Who's the best in the business? Everyone's like, well, Dalton.

of kid Dalton is the best in the business. There's no doubt about it. Obviously, you haven't heard of Dalton. And so he's like, hey, my club, the double deuce, the big poo, needs cleaning up. And I need you to whip it into shape so I can renovate it. He's going to renovate it and make it nice or whatever. But it's just like, the people in the club are too rowdy. That's seeming like a whole situation, which we then come to learn. It's in Missouri. So he.

Patrick Swayze Dalton canonically does not fly planes. So he drives his little car out there and he says, Hey, I've come to town. And we enter this universe where you just have to suspend your disbelief about like how all like societal laws and rules work because it's a town with one guy's mansion, a hardware store, a bar, um, like a ranch and like maybe a neighborhood. Yeah. And there's gotta be one suburb at the very least.

And wherever Dr. Clay works, the hospital. Sure. So in the hospital. the town is seemingly run by just this one guy who owns the cops because he's a big rich tycoon. It's like, think mafia, but in the South. by the South, I mean just one town. Missouri. And it's just this one guy. It's not, yeah, it's not seeming gang-y. I mean, he does have goons, I guess. Yeah, exactly. It is sort of gang violence in a way, but it's just like...

The consequences are so little and he is such a lame. Do we see a single cop in this movie? We see firefighters. That's not Which are, they are cops in a way. no, don't even. Right. But he owns the town and Dalton's going to clean up the town, but he doesn't like it. But I'm like, aren't you into this gentrification that's happening? Like, I don't understand what this conflict even is.

The SWAMP (11:02.796)
And then Brad, Brad Wesley, that's his name, the villain, he like just rolls up and you're like, there's no fucking way that Patrick Swayze cannot just beat the shit out of that guy. Like, he poses little to no physical Just Dave Franco in Love Lies Bleeding him.

Just like, just unhinging his job. So it's just sort of like, what is the real conflict here? And so, OK, yes, he does have goons and like firearms, I guess. no match for Dalton, because he is the best and he just rips right through every wrong. He writes it. He teaches people to be respectful at the bar. The band gets uncaged. course. Yep. Jeff Healy and his chill band, who actually did all the music for this.

actually plays the guitar and like that's his band. And Patrick Swayze wrote and recorded two songs for the soundtrack of this movie for no goddamn reason other than just like, they're like, we have Jeff Healy and his band here, like doing this. He was like, he was like, let me get on it. Yeah. They're like pretty mid like eighties power ballads. They're okay. They've, mean, they've kind of fit in the movie. I don't know. Nothing, nothing phenomenal, but I think he sings on a dirty dancing soundtrack out some point as well. So

Swayze had like a low-key little pop star career going there for a minute. That does not shock me in the slightest. Hold on. Yeah, was like getting some sneaky singles in there. She's like the wind. Yep, fucking, yep. That's exactly. Of course he did. Which is why Patrick Swayze just works as Dalton as this power alpha male because he's sort of like the thinking man's action star. Of course. He's like, he's like, I'm so fucking cool, but I'm also 5'10".

Everyone's always like, damn, you're so small. And I'm like, is 5'10 really small? But I'm like, I guess if everyone's huge and jacked, I guess 5'10 is comically small. you know, he's 5'10 and he's really polite and he reads books and he has an NYU philosophy degree. okay, Dalton's gonna wax poetic about the disruptions in the bar and, you know, get to the deeper issues at hand here.

The SWAMP (13:11.09)
which ends up just being like that we run a monster truck through a Chevy dealership and we blow up a bunch of cars and there are hell of fight scenes and it's so cool. He rips some guys throat out and ultimately Dalton comes out on top. That's the whole movie. I hated the romance. I really hated the romance. It didn't need to be there, but of course like 80s wise it did, but it didn't. Can I add some like, can I rub some salt into your wound right now? I guess.

But this romance was originally Annette Bening. Annette Bening was cast as in Patrick Swayze said, I don't feel a chemistry. He's like, when we're doing these test readings, I'm not getting good, good chem with Miss Annette Bening. So they cut her. I'm going to kill myself. What's her name? Fucking Kelly Lynch, who was just like kind of nothing. She's just like skinny and blonde. Just like whatever, whatever. You're a doctor or whatever. Don't care.

My toes are curling, I'm so mad. Could have been an happening, but then an happening goes on instead to get cast in some movie, we should have looked this up, where she is then nominated for best supporting actress at the Oscars she then loses to Whoopi Goldberg in Ghost. Yeah, it all comes back around to Ghost and Whoopi Goldberg ultimately. mean, really, and neither of them would have been in that Oscar race without Patrick Swayze, so. And do you know?

what definitely was not at the Oscars is Roadhouse. Mm-mm. I'm not even close. Roadhouse has this sort of cultural legacy of being the ultimate good bad movie. I would say that's it, yeah. Roger Ebert, the like fuck ass movie critic guy. like pretty famously said that this movie really toes the edge of good bad and bad bad. And he like.

I hate to, I hate to quote this man, but this is really what this movie is all about. He says, hesitate to recommend it because so much relies on the ironic vision of the viewer. Yes, Roadhouse is all about your ability to suspend your disbelief and enter the Roadhouse universe. And it's hilarious. It's the funny, like every line is not written with the intent to be funny. And it's so fucking.

The SWAMP (15:28.874)
funny. It's so earnest. genuinely thought they were making a western. They're like, we're making a western, but it's about bar fights. And it's you can tell like, it's actually shot like pretty beautifully. The story, the writing, it's like kind of confused. It is a pretty solid action movie. Ultimately, it doesn't it doesn't make any sense.

But you have to just let yourself go there. And then Patrick Swayze is ripping some guy's throat out and you're like, yeah, I'm in it with you. And then it's the perfect movie. Does that resonate? Did you have a good time with this? I had a good time with it. I it might have really started to teeter towards bad bad for me just a little bit. I think I can get down with the like the the the good bad of Patrick Swayze for me was his shocked expressions last week in Ghost.

Sure, the low key camp of a Patrick Swayze performance. Yeah, the fact that I'm stuttering and stammering and trying so hard to say yes when I don't know that I can, I think says everything for itself. I'm really split right down the middle on this. I did give it like two and a half stars on Letterboxd. Right. But Sam Elliott coming in, I mean, the sex appeal does save it for me. I love that we get a lot of fat boy representation in this movie. I like to see the big dudes fighting.

That made me happy. Yeah, use your mass. Yeah, I like that. I like that the goons really got a time to shine in this movie as well. But I would have I certainly would have liked to get a little more backstory. No, see, I love that this movie builds so much lore and by giving you nothing. It's Sam Elliott rolls up and he's just like, I'm your mentor and I get to flirt with your girlfriend in front of you. And that's the kind of relationship we have. And I just.

I just have to take that at face value. I just need to know that Wade Garrett is also the second most famous cooler in Missouri. right. It's just like, that's just, that's the world I'm living in. Sam Elliott, oh, Sam Elliott just shows up and really, yeah, refreshes. He cools this movie right off for me because. Yeah, I needed him the minute that he stepped onto the screen. Not a moment too soon.

The SWAMP (17:45.164)
or too late. Showing Bush, just pulling out his Bush in public. Thank God. Thank God for that. Yeah. Well, it's the fact that, okay, he was a Western guy, right? That's the whole thing. As they got Sam Elliott, who was a Western guy to come be in there fucking bar fight Western and everything like that. I just, it's way that the Kung Fu comes in. Cause it's not, it's bar fights. But at the same time, once we get like the head goon of what's his name,

Well, Wesley. Brad Wesley. Yeah. Once we get the head goon of Brad Wesley out here, we are not holding back on the kung fu moves. That's for sure. If you had any doubts before of what genre of fighting this was wiped clean. Is that the guy who drops the one liner? I used to fuck guys like you in prison. Yeah, that's

was crazy. Yes, yes him. Damn, okay, we're going there. yeah, yeah, well the fighting, I think we sort of get the shift of from Western to like samurai once he starts doing the Tai Chi by the lake or whatever. That's when it's like, he's above it. He's above all of this. Like this is just them swinging at each other. He's on an elite.

other level and that's where the one-on-one goon fighting really, you can tell that they did these stunts fucking for real and those fight scenes look like crazy impressive. absolutely. I will say those definitely hold up. They're better than the new one by a hundred thousand miles. Really, the fight choreography? Yes. The fight choreography was so fucking corny and bad in the new one and I think it was corny.

And good in this one. I was gonna say, think because this movie isn't afraid to be a little silly and be like, we're doing like a kung fu kind of bit here. Sam Elliott's gonna show up and call you miho. Like that's just gonna happen. And the new one, it is to earnestly praising UFC fighting. Yes. So then there's no silly entertainment value. It's like, that's how you kill a man. Yeah.

The SWAMP (19:51.21)
Exactly. And it also doesn't at the same time. I don't think any killing like that happens in that one. Maybe I'm wrong. I can't remember it too well. yeah, it's like really fuck some guys up because Patrick Swayze kills that guy for real. He kills like his throw out. That was the whole thing. That did have me really gagged when he did that, because I didn't think he was going to go there and he did. what? Chekhov's throat.

fucking snatch, the way he dropped the bell. They're like, is he snatched somebody's throat right out and then you're like waiting for it to fucking happen. Every time he goes back with his little claw, you're like, when's he gonna do it? Also at one point, the other one, when he drops the guy on the knee, they like elude, they're like, you can take any guy out, know, no matter as size, if you hit him on the knee or something. Yeah, if he shatters his They do a lot of.

A lot of good setups for then like specific violence. But yeah, the throat snatching is especially visceral. And they do kind of show like that man with his throat ripped out. fully. Yeah, no. They said there's a hole in that guy's neck now. And they show you all of it. I'm a Dr. Clay. Paging Dr. Clay. This man's throat is ripped out.

Girl, Can you come with your staple gun, please? Dr. Clay, you're in danger, girl. Get the fuck out of there, because she literally calls him crazy to his face, which is correct. I'm sorry, girls. If you are on a date with a man, this is probably what, the third or fourth time you're hanging out and he rips some guy's throat out in front of you, you're not in you're not in safe hands. Except Dr. Clay is a character like,

exists solely just to patch up Patrick Swayze because like, why is this like incredibly hot, single, professional young woman in this rando town in Missouri? Like, what does she do? What's her backstory? We know nothing. She said that she like had been in a serious relationship, but it didn't work out and that the main guy of the town liked her, but that she like didn't.

The SWAMP (21:57.87)
responds to his advances. So now she's not like invited to his fucking pool parties anymore or whatever. And that's about her like social standing in the town. But like what girl, why are you here? You're just doing her residency. Give me one line like I'm my residency here. Like, I she grew up there. Someone in the town adopted her or something. I don't know. It's no, there's not as like you said before, they don't give you a single thing for background here. It's just these are the townsfolk and that's it. And you know what?

that movie reminds me of, or at least that part of the movie reminds me of, is Tuang Fu. I'm gonna tell you. what way? They give you no real backstory for the town. These girls roll up, integrate themselves into the community, become, yeah. for sure. Easily. It's a microcosm. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we just have to exist within this community and accept its rules as our viewer. Yeah, absolutely. They come in, change the town for good.

I think that's the easy, I'm gonna tell you now that's the movie you follow this up with. Wow, yeah, Tu Wan Fu and Roadhouse are really similar. Now that you bring it up, holy fuck, that's so funny. Small southern town, like come on. Maybe that's why they cast Swayze for that. I would hope so. The material's there, Roadhouse. mean, it's like the same movie, but it's also at the same time, the antithesis of it. I mean, you know.

boys fighting versus drag queens, you know what I mean? It's really, Swayze really tilted the scale on that one. But it is always about like doing good. That's why he is always just that guy. Because it is always about like positivity and betterment and, you know, taking the high road. He's very saintly. I don't know if we've had really an action star very like him, like just very altruistic and like a good, like a representation of like a goodness. I don't know. Yeah.

I feel like action movies nowadays lean more towards like the fucked up, like Keanu Reeves, John Wick. I'm kind of a dark, I'm kind of a serious dark guy. Like I feel like, do we have anyone really in the, in the canon who's like,

The SWAMP (24:04.63)
A Mr. Sunshine positivity, yeah, but like still could kick out, still will karate rip your throat out, you know? I don't know. I don't know. See, because the first person that I think of is like Pedro Pascal. I'm thinking Gladiator and all that, because that's like the biggest action movie that's coming to mind right now. But I don't still, don't get me wrong. I get Mr. Nice Guy from him, but he does need to be straight. And I don't believe that of Pedro Pascal. I mean, I need my

I need my stripe, like, you know what I mean? I think that's part of it. Yeah. Well, because the like homoeroticism does have to come from a place of pure straightness. Yes, exactly. He does have to be a heterosexual man in order to reach the levels of like sexually charged wrestling with another guy. That's just, yeah, foundations of that. But I also feel like so if we're talking about Pedro, I feel like Pedro Haskell.

Well, actually, was about to say, like, has the capacity to play like more villainous roles where I don't think Swayze was really cast as a villain very often. But I am thinking, do you remember him in Donnie Darko and he plays like the fucked up pedophiles motivational speaker guy? Yes, yes, yes. Swayze did play a few villains in his day. So maybe I'm just not giving him I think that was pretty subtle. You know what I mean? I don't think that was really overt. It was kind of like, yeah, he did bad shit, but they didn't show you him like being bad or doing bad shit. You know what I mean?

Yeah, which I would like to see. Yeah, I feel like we like you said, I don't think we got that from him very often. But yeah, I don't know. I don't who the fuck is an action star these days? I mean, what is what is the modern state of the action movie? Yeah, the modern state of the action movie really is just the superhero movie. Who am I looking to? Sebastian Stan? Don't get me wrong. I like Sebastian Stan, but he's no Patrick Swayze. No, because I'm thinking like a true action movie in the sense that it's not

any sort of like sci-fi or fantasy. So it's like the superhero element sort of then brings it into a new genre or like a new sub genre for me. Like the pure action movies these days, I do think just lean more comedy. I feel like we get more action comedies now than like just straight action. It's all mission impossible. just remakes and stuff. Roadhouse remakes, just remakes. So we just return to the answer. That's always the truth. What's the modern state of it? It's just that we get fucking slop.

The SWAMP (26:21.58)
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There will. I'm waiting for someone to we're waiting for our Patrick Swayze to come our new and new installment. It's like the Avatar. You know what I mean? I'm trying to think of like, who could it be? Could it be like, could it be Joe Keery? Could we get him fucking he's music too much. No, think I think Dev Patel. Maybe. I don't know. He's too. do you see he just got a deal for a second movie with a 24.

He gets to write and direct. They just give him a bunch of money. I don't know what the movie is. I don't care. Another, another Depp Patel piece, which I am thrilled about. And that's all I needed. we loved Monkey Man. That's a true action movie. Yeah. True. I mean, that's the only one that's coming to mind in the last couple of years. That was truly like, and like good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Gladiator, I don't know, man.

It's just a shame. was hot. It was sexy. But I mean, was exactly like the whole thing of it was like, I think they rewrote half of the story because they decided to not use that Palestinian actress who was supposed to be like a main character and they her entire plot and just made it beat for beat. The same fucking thing as Gladiator. It was like when they redid Star Wars a couple of years ago with

Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley and they just ripped the entire plot from the first Star Wars movie. It was just fucking weird. And it was good. tech was good and it was like good acting and everything like that. But the story, I'm like, what are you giving me? Slop. Well, yes. Have you seen any, have you seen Sinners yet? No, I'm gonna try and go to the Coolidge this week and see it before she's gone. But no, I haven't had the time, which is a real shame.

content theater in a fucking minute. was gonna ask if you'd seen anything new, but then I was thinking about myself and I haven't really been to the theaters much since I saw Sinners, because there's not a turnout right now. I think we're in that pre-summer area where all the big blockbusters are gonna come out, but I guess I have no interest in Thunderbolts. I have no interest in the Minecraft movie. No, I rewatched Conclave is what I did and that was about it.

The SWAMP (28:43.63)
Oh my God, new pope. Shouts out Chicago Pope. I'm already on the Leo train, so I'm not mad about this. The history shows that he's a pedophile apologist. That is not true. That's not true. No. Debunked. Debunked. The Peruvians debunked that. OK. OK, so we're not getting our news from the swamp today. No, from Pope From Pope Clive, who got to go to the Vatican. Yeah, that...

I don't one it is. But yeah, they got me through the last week. That was a real highlight. Yeah, I guess the new pope seems not terrible so far. definitely watched Roadhouse. Oh my god, he's probably the first pope to have seen Roadhouse. Definitely. Do think he's seen it? No way. I absolutely think he's seen it. He was at the fucking World Series in 2005.

Batman has seen Roadhouse. I love to think that. I love to think that Dalton's three rules are making their way into the center of Catholicism. I hope so. Yeah. Never underestimate your opponent. Take it outside and be nice. I think that's pretty similar to the Catholics. Yeah, something like that. The thing that really got me about this movie is that this was the whole basis for Bar Rescue, I think. Yeah.

This is Bar Rescue, film. Exactly. The first, you know how Catfish was a movie before it was a TV show and MTV? It was a documentary first. This is the documentary that they then were like, let's keep these good vibes rolling. Turn it into a reality TV show that is then Bar Rescue. Yeah. Yeah. It was really, really something. I feel like I should have watched this with my dad. Roadhouse. yeah. It's a dad movie for sure. Except it definitely gets a little horny. It's a horny film as well. It's one of those things. Super horny.

You'd think it would be like an above the bow action movie for the fam, but then like we see we see Nippy and we get some erotic sex scenes for sure. Yeah. OK. Can we talk about the fact that Patrick Swayze's fucking soundtrack of sex scenes is remarkable every time this man is making out with a beautiful woman on screen. It's still like the best, like 60s oldies you could possibly imagine. Like fucking Otis Redding or

The SWAMP (31:04.182)
I don't know what the rest of them are. can't think of what the ghost one was, but I knew it slapped. Unchained Melody. Unchained Melody, yup. Yup. Gorge. Gorge. What is it? what's the one from Dirty Dancing? He knows how to work, I mean, or someone knows how to work a soundtrack to him, because Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, and it is almost just like, Swayze, you can have chemistry with anyone, dude. You're hot, they're hot, they're going to put some dope music behind you. Like, don't worry about it.

That's why I'm just, I'm pissing him for not wanting to work with a Benin. I have a grudge now. What's up, Swayze? Yeah, maybe. I think you follow this up with whatever in that Benin movie. Had Benin, yeah. I hate that I didn't write it down. And not that she needs. I'm sure she's all right without her shout out. Yeah. I loved, yeah, like you said though, this is a very horny movie. I would say the homoeroticism is that like, is teetering at like a seven and a half out of 10 or something like that.

It really struck me the same way that a night's tale does with the obsession of like, we have to destroy each other, which is just like. It is gay. It is ultimately. Inherently like, yeah, destroy each other how, girls, you're talking about how you fucked boys like that in prison. I feel like on the gay, on the gay count, it's like you've got just the inherent homoeroticism of two men coming at each other with their hands like that.

is already based in some sort of, you not that all violence is necessarily like homoerotic, but when they're all sweaty in the roadhouse, it's meant for my eyes as well, is what I'm saying. It's the monologue in Fleabag where she goes and she's like, well, men had to create war and sport to be able to touch each other. Right, yeah, right. And so, God forbid I be an eager spectator, all right?

But so I feel like there's that of it all. But then there's also like the homoerotic tension just between having a rival when he's got all of the taxidermied fucking African animals in his house. And he's like, the only thing is like the only thing I don't have is your ass. And I'm like, you guys can kiss. It's OK. It's OK. No one's stopping. Who's stopping you? No one's stopping you. We could actually still save the town. We could save the town if you just kissed instead of fought.

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See, who do you want to see kiss though in this movie? Because I want Sam Elliott and Patrick Swayze to kiss. And so that relationship also also very gay because he steps in and he's like, you know, he big dogs the big dog. It's like who can big dog Patrick Swayze? No one. That's the plot of this fucking movie is that he's big dog Dalton. But then Wade Garrett shows up and is like, will test you.

and then I will die. Of course. And then that's when shit has to get really real. He basically shows up to show you that maybe Patrick Swayze can be tested. Then he dies to move the plot on, and then we just do still learn that Patrick Swayze is the big dog. There's no bringing him down. Wade Garrett is used as a plot device to make us doubt that for one fucking second, because we're like, wait, Sam Elliott also exists in this universe. Oh, god. And he has long hair. It's really sexy. He puts it up in that little hat.

bun, And we're doing a full beard and mustache, like same length situation, not the Sam Elliott signature stash, a little something different. It was working for me for sure. It did a lot for me. We have a lot to talk about in terms of Fuck, Marry, Kill. I am, not right now, I'm hatted up.

for anyone that actually watches the pod. First of all, Second I don't even post these videos yeah, you don't even post the video anymore. Anyways. Video files too large. If anyone wants them, drop it in the Patreon if you want to see us. But I'll tell you what. gigs is a lot. It's a lot. But I'm walking into the hairdresser next time I get my hair cut and saying this is what I want. Showing them St. Elliot. I was gonna say Patrick Swayze. feel like I'm 90 % of the way there. I just need some layers.

Right. No, Patrick Swayze in this film, it is like gender envy. That is, that is any Patrick Swayze movie with anyone. It's every Patrick Swayze movie. just want to be that guy. But I just, wrote down, I want a t-shirt to fit me the way it fits that man. Just like the deep V. Yeah. Being able to pull off a V The severity of a deep V. Ooh. It's like the clothes fit him. Also, that's why I end up looking like when I wear that, like fucking Blaine Anderson.

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with a deep blue. I want to look like Patrick Swayze. I end up looking like Blaine. my God, it has to be a sweater vest, I fear.

Or you've got to have some other sort of Darren Criss energy about you, which I fear like on a spectrum of Darren Criss, Patrick Swayze. Where do I sit? I think we're both erring on the side of Darren Criss for sure. sure. Yeah. Yeah, no. I'll jump in that boat with you though. I don't know. But hey, they both sing the power ballad, which I can get behind. And so, yeah, they might be closer than we think.

Jeff Healy, Jeff Healy is the guitar player, the blind guitar player. Oh, yeah, let's start it on him. I think his name is Cody in the movie. And when we first get introduced to the double deuce, which is just like, have you ever been to a bar like this? Like, what is your experience with? Because I can't say I've been to anything similar to a Roadhouse. I went to like a line dancing bar in the South that was like,

I would say somewhat adjacent. Like definitely people were like getting thrown out for being too drunk, but I've never really been to any sort of bar where it's like rowdy in this sort of capacity. No, not rowdy. I've definitely been to like the townie bar before, but like it's a Massachusetts townie bar and that is not like a row. It's passive aggressive. It's not rowdy. Also live music, I feel like is not something we really do appear in the South. That's a way bigger thing. We don't really have.

Yeah, so very limited experience. I've never seen a bar fight, so. Have you ever been thrown out of a bar? Not that I can say. No, I haven't either. No. I've been denied entry. But I've never been thrown out. That might be worse. No, no, I haven't. I will blast my sister on here and say she got kicked out of Big Night Live.

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for any Boston fans. It's like the club that's basically under, inside TV garden. So you have to be a- Big Night Live. Yeah. let's go to Big Night Live. It's horrific. like- Well, you and I are seeing, also shout out a Mill and the Sniffers. Dara and I are seeing them later this week, but I saw them.

Epic Night Live a couple of years ago first and it is the worst place you could ever have a concert. It is very much just like it's Not anywhere close to a Roadhouse it's like think like the vibes like do you ever watch Jersey Shore? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It has that sort of energy. Yeah, like you're going to it's like Boston's Karma or something like that equivalent. No, thank you. But yeah, yeah, know

but I would like to go to a bar that has the musicians in a cage. Although I do think that invites a certain level of violence. It's like we had to put them behind a cage. It's kind of inviting me to throw my empty at it. what I Not me specific, but if I was a toxic man, that is what I I think if I got drunk enough, would also take, it's just one of those things. I wouldn't do it unprompted by myself, but if my friends gave me one inch of

a push to do it, absolutely I would. But not if Jeff Healy was behind there. No, Jeff Healy was fantastic. found him so Jeff Healy was there when he was rocking out Angel Eyes, when he was like, let me play this Hoochie Mama song while she does her strip tease. knew how to lay down the track. He was providing an He was out there singing Hoochie Coochie Man, that shit was lit. Yeah. Let's go baby. He's like, she must be taking her clothes off, but I don't know because I am blind.

laying it down. Yeah, no, I'm obsessed with him sitting down and playing the guitar like almost like a keyboard. It's so fucking sick. Yeah, I love that. They make sure that you know that this man still gets pussy in this movie. Oh, yeah. They said, oh, yeah. If you had any doubts about this, Jeff Healy lays pipe. Thank you. I also I love that they loop him in on the bouncer lore. I'm sorry, the cooler lore. Oh, yeah. When Sam Elliott shows up, he's like

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He's like, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Sam Elliott. Like, let me in. I'm like, how do you know them? Jeff Healy? What? You're also like traveling around, I guess. I guess now we know he's a gigging, a touring musician. I have no reason to not believe that. love that he's doing a fucking residency at the Double Deuce. Girl, get out of here. Staying through the gentrification, though. He cut his contract. didn't get...

phased out. I've been watching, speaking of people in their contracts and residencies, I've watching Hacks upon your recommendation. how far are you? I'm almost done with season one. Nice. But I'm trying to crank through it. I'm having, it's my, you know, my cool down show for after I watch my intense shows. So it's been, you know, a good ha ha. Good, I'm I'll update you on that. Yeah, are you enjoying it? Yes, of course. It is very funny. And I'm very endeared to.

miss Hannah Einbinder because I'm also very like awkward in the same ways. She's very relatable. Absolutely. I think if there's a handful of white women that other white women I think should be allowed to relate to and I think that that's a good one too. Right. Sure. Yeah. She doesn't seem problematic or anything. No. Hannah Einbinder, a huge fan. She is an outspoken

Jewish woman who talks about the atrocities that Israel is inflicting on Gaza right now. big Hannah Imbiner fan, Stan. She's also fucking hysterical. Now that you say that, I am recalling a TikTok for being very poignant about that specific issue. She fucking rocks. Also, she definitely slays puss. So I'm here for that. Who else slays puss in Roadhouse so that I can loop it back?

I that big boy bouncer, who was he? I like that they gave each team one big boy basically. So under one V1 it could be balanced out. No, he probably slays puss. The owner of the bar does not slay puss. owner of the bar likes to get cocked for sure. tie is something that is usually a plus for me, but it was not really working here. Red?

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The guy that owns the hardware store. Oh, yes. wife divorced him when he was like, don't marry an ugly woman. It's too much more than it's worth or something. He has a little line about like, don't marry someone ugly. And he's like, she left me for someone even uglier than her. And I was like, okay, red. Sure. Okay, red with your divorce lore. All right. Yeah. A little bit of generosity never hurt. The guy who owns the barn.

that Patrick Swayze is woofing at? Have you ever heard of, have you ever woofed? Do know about woofing? Enlighten me, please. Woofing is like Airbnb, but you stay at a farm and you provide labor and so you don't have to pay. So it's like, oh, I want to go to San Francisco, but I don't have any money. So you go on the app woof, woofing or whatever.

Wolf probably, and you make arrangements with someone with a homestead or a farm and you're like, you can sleep in my guest room if you feed the chickens in the morning and you have to do your chores and stuff. Have you ever heard of this? It's pretty popular for young poor people to travel. awesome. What? Yeah, it can be pretty sketchy. course, yeah. As a young woman, I don't know that that's something that I would subscribe to, but if I was a young man with some broad shoulders, I would maybe do that.

Yeah, wolfing. I just have two friends who did that when they were visiting California and they definitely were on the side of a cult for sure. They were like, we gotta get out of We're really pushing it. Yeah, but they just had to like, it was literally so easy. They had to go weed in a garden for like an hour. It was not a lot of work. people running it more, I think, were interested in cult indoctrination than actually making them do labor.

Yeah, yeah, Ended up being kind of chill. So don't know about whooping. Patrick Swayze does do it in this movie where he's like, hey, can I sleep in this beautiful barn house you have? those fucking windows, the floor to ceiling windows that hinge at the middle so that you can smoke inside. Legendary cigarette smoker Dalton in this film. Patrick Swayze just ripping on like no one else. one's doing it like him.

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no one's ripping six like Dalton. He's the best. He's the best. He's the best to ever do it. Number one in town, baby. That's for sure. But his like barn looks out over the lake to his like nemesis's house. Love it. You can like see his mansion and like see about it. It's fucking awesome. But it is like a beautiful like set. I don't know if they built that or where that is. It's like gorge.

It's very like, you know, in Revenge of the Sith where it's like Padme and Anakin are like basically staring across from each other right before like everything goes to shit. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's very much that where there's just there's so much sexual tension just from across this manmade lake. It's fucking awesome. But in this scenario, it's Patrick Swayze and Brad Wesley, who again, was never really ever posing a fucking threat. I was like never was.

Did I feel like Patrick Swayze ever did not completely have the upper hand on this guy? No, yeah. This was like a nothing conflict of a movie. It was more just like an excuse to watch Patrick Swayze kick ass. I mean, I don't need an excuse to do that. I'll do it gladly. you know about like the family guy bit? No, I don't know that I do. I don't know what year it was. was probably like 2012 or something. It was like a long time ago.

but Family Guy had a bit where Peter Griffin would just like kick or punch something and just say, Roadhouse. So you could just, you know, like walk up to, you know, your trash can and kick it. Roadhouse. Sure. Just like punctuating a violence by saying Roadhouse. I feel like Roadhouse has had like a cultural revival and like that it is now just like this.

meme almost or just like this thing that is all capturing of just like when you fucking hit something like I'm fucking Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse. Absolutely. Like he really he really is the the punch kick guy. Yeah, it is kind of nice. It is kind of nice. It's kind of like Kobe. It's like, you know, I kind of want to that Roadhouse. Dalton is very much like Kobe and that he's like a one name, you know, he's like Oprah. Dalton. Yeah, the opposite of a firsty lasty.

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Dalton. Oh, he's so cool. He's Dalton. Oh, you don't know Dalton? He's the best. Okay. Should we get down to the brass tacks of it? Yeah, I guess so. I feel like fuck, Mary-Kill is really hard because we have Dalton. Sure. We have Wade Garrett. Do we add just Elizabeth Clay? We're both killing that bitch. Who's a third compelling person? Should we do the fucking guitar player? Yes. Like A guitar player. Okay.

What do we think? I'm gonna marry Sam Elliott. Okay. I don't know if I'm ready. Sure. I don't know if I'm ready to handle all that, but it's a chance I'm gonna have to take for Mr. Wade Garrett. I was swooning when he was dancing with what's her name? The blonde. Yeah, Dr. Elizabeth Clay. So I'm gonna see if I can maybe, you know, get him to retire and we can just go off together before he gets

murdered. Yeah, that would be ideal. I like my man alive. Oh, this is so hard because I guess I'm gonna kill I'm gonna kill Jeff Healy. Sorry, Jeff. And I'm gonna fuck Patrick Swayze. Duh. Wow. Wow. What are you doing? I think I'm marrying Jeff. think he sounds like he's more stable. Honestly, stable. No, and he's got a good head on his shoulders. I like Jeff. And you could get in there. You could get in that cage. Absolutely.

You could join the band. we become a family. A residency at the double deuce. can't think of anything better. Who am I to say no? I'm marrying Jeff. I'm gonna as much as I think really hard. This is really hard. I don't even know if I stand by my answer. It's really hard. Elliott is so hot in this, but he is the he.

I guess I'm gonna have to go down, he's the older horse in the race. I'm gonna have to go with the young buck. I'm gonna go with Patrick Swayze and I'm gonna kill Sam Elliott. Okay, missed. You're gonna stab I'll just let him bleed out there, I won't save him. Leave him for Dalton to find his own message. yeah. And then out of the whole movie, I feel like I need to shout out Keith David and his one fucking line.

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because I can't believe they did him dirty like this. Patrick Swayze gets in there, he scams the area, he surveys the lay of the land, and he identifies some key elements that need to get chopped. And so he says, okay, drug dealing bartender, you're kaput. And then that's a whole side conflict about nepotism or whatever. But then they replace him with Keith David, who gets one line in the whole fucking movie. It's a real shame.

He had just like handsome on a whiskey and he's like, here's your whiskey or something. He just like, doesn't even say anything. It me so mad. I literally saw the name pop up in the fucking opening credits and I was like, oh wow, no way. to David? I was so pissed. Yeah, that did I don't know how that would play into a fuck Mary Kill. I just wanted to bring it up. I'm gonna fuck what's her name after she does that strip tease because it was really hot. I'm gonna fuck Denise. She obviously wants it bad from someone.

Right. Well, there's a sad, a sad, like side plot about her, like getting abused by fucking what's her name, by Brad, or she's like doing aerobics. He's like, shut that shit off. Yeah. She's like his pet. They always call her his pet, which is like gross and Maybe I don't fuck her. Maybe I- We can save her. Can I liberate Denise? Can we liberate Denise? Can we open a lesbian club across the street? Oh, please. Where we can have like a rival roadhouse. Yeah, there's no one.

I mean other than the three that we already really picked from no one is Yeah, sparking my no one's sparking joy. I'm still gonna marry I think my guitar playing husband and then I guess yeah, think I'm gonna I'm gonna fuck I'm still gonna fuck Patrick Swayze and I'll kill. my gonna kill. That's the real question here I'm gonna kill the bartender that gets fired because none of this would have happened without him

everything would have been fine. Yeah, that is true. He is the inciting. Yeah. I'm going to stop the butterfly effect on this one. Wow. That's beautiful. Yeah. Thank you. What about you? then, uh, oh, for the whole movie. So I guess I'll marry Keith David. Um, because you know, we have to shout him out. I'm just going to fuck Sam Elliott. Um, I'm going to kill. I'll kill. I'll kill the end goon who says I used to fuck guys like you in prison. yeah. was, yeah.

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I'll take his ass out ahead of time. Ease the load on Swayze. Yeah, fair enough. Good call, good call. And then what are you, you're having your boys over for a Roadhouse night. What are you guys cooking up? I'm assuming the grill gets turned on or something.

Yeah, feel like, is there something called, oh, I'm thinking of a rodeo burger, but that's what I want to eat at a road house, is a rodeo burger. So that's a hamburger that I believe has onion rings, bacon, and barbecue sauce on it. I also like to add fried egg to mine, because I'm a freak. Well, speaking of, I will say that my recommendation, what I did today was have a bacon, egg, and cheese, and a spaghet.

which is a Miller High Life with some Aperol in it. And I thought that was a fantastic meal. So I'm gonna go ahead and recommend that. eggs definitely play into, you know, that one scene where he like invites Dalton over for breakfast and he eats that fucking omelet. Yeah. You could definitely have omelets. This is also a big diner movie. I like movie has egg energy for sure. Miller High Life also definitely fits. I feel like you need like a shitty beer.

What are you fucking talking about? That's the champagne of beers. Champagne of beers. I'm sorry. You need like, uh, whatever. A Miller Lite. Yes, there we go. A Mickle Ultra. A Bud. Something or other. I couldn't tell ya. Yeah, I a rodeo burger and a beer. That's what I'm serving for sure. Fair enough.

Fair enough. And I'm following it up by the only other movie I can think of that has a band in a cage and that's Blues Brothers. that's a really good follow up, honestly. That's fantastic. We're keeping these good vibes going. Yeah. But To Wong Fu is also a great suggestion though. that's mine. The parallels? I mean, it's just, they're perfect. It's the same performance out of Swayze in two different... Yeah, Vita and Dalton are kind of kindred spirits. Absolutely. They would have a blast. Wait.

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Can I tell you about my movie journey in real life after I watched Roadhouse? The past couple of days, I've been just like in a movie watching, so I've been cranking through some few. So I feel like since I watched, when did I watch Roadhouse? On Saturday. So between, since Saturday, I've watched three other movies. I watched Sing Street that came out in 2016. I want to say it's an Irish movie. You should fucking watch it. It was fire, new fave. That, I think that.

I watched that after I watched Roadhouse and I was like, holy fuck, I need to watch more movies now, because that was like crazy good. And then I watched Magnolia, Paul Thomas Anderson, three whole hours long, fucking devastating. God, what's the plot even? I don't even know the plot. It's like this man is dying and Phil Seymour Hoffman is his nurse and he's estranged from his son.

And it's Tom Cruise is like a toxic masculine, like a pick up artist, like program salesman. He's like trying to sell men on like a book on like how to pick up women. And it's like this, I Julianne Moore is there and it's just all about, I don't know, I can't even describe it. It was really sad. And then I watched Princess Mononoke last night. So I'd never seen that shit. I wanted to watch it on my big TV. And it's definitely like probably the best one.

Right? I'm so glad you fucking agree, dude. my God. So fire. So fire. wise, don't get me wrong, I love Spirited Away. I love Howl's Moving Castle. They- No, this one was actually doing some fucking shit. Like, this one, I feel like was a bit more profound. The story was there, fully through. Like, they did not- No dilly-jallying with this. Yeah. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. So I feel like I've just watched like three banger movies after-

watching Roadhouse, I've just been on kind of a kick and now I'm like, Dan, am I gonna, like, what am I gonna watch tonight? Like, what fuck? Am I gonna keep these good vibes going? Like, I wish I had anything good to recommend, but again, I haven't really, haven't really been on a kick lately. The last three movies I've watched were all been very good. I've been in the mood. Well, guys, please, we're on Instagram, even though we don't look like we're on Instagram. So if you have any recommendations for Dara's movie journey this week or next week or.

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at either of our movie journeys going forward, please send them in. We'd love to cover them. If you have any- It's not always Patrick Smasy. No, but if you do any Let's really forget it. If you do have any other really heater Patrick Smasy ideas, please. I think we're gonna do probably Journey Dancing next week. obviously. what else after that? Who's to say? We could do Point Break. We could do Red Dawn. do, wow, yeah, we do have some to choose from. I don't know.

Thanks for listening, as always, road house, road house. I don't know what else to say other than be nice until it's time to not be nice. Exactly. And goodbye and good night.