Misery

If you're stuck in bed, recovering from a recent hobbling, we're here to brighten your day with some lively discussion about the 1990 film Misery starring the incomparable Kathy Bates. 

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Transcript

The SWAMP (00:00.078)
I think this is actually sort of a reverse misery situation where rather a creator being held hostage by a super fan, where the creator is like holding like 300 teen girls in a basement. Like we're miserying you guys at this point, I fear. Yeah, we're fully in the Stockholm Syndrome stage. I'm feeling my Kathy Bates oats.

We would need to be in frocks to really get the full experience. I her fashion in this movie. I could get down with it. my god. Some of the old star bridge village of it. Yeah, not the like old timey pilgrim dress that she wears to the dinner date. Maybe not that one, but like the denim frock over the plaid, over a turtleneck, like was kind of hitting for me. It was giving Shelley Duvall and the Shining.

Yeah, which was chic. This whole movie is actually kind of giving the shining. absolutely. It just scales down. Yeah, it's about a writer in Colorado who can't write and feels frustrated by that. But then he goes crazy and kills his family versus he is the victim of the crazy.

A little bit of perspective here from Stephen King, which is the theme of this month. Thank you, Evelyn. I forgot your name last week, but I looked it up and wrote it down this time. Shouts out Evelyn, who suggested we did Stephen King September. We're getting through some pretty iconic stuff that you had never seen this week before. not this. this was, obviously, feel like everyone of our generation really knows Kathy Bates from American Horror Story.

Yeah, which is hilarious. Which is just her, that's just her like, her doing some stretches and spreading her wings and flying. Right, a little side hustle. Exactly. She owed someone a favor or something. Exactly. She's here, she set the groundwork for decades to come with us. yeah, absolutely. Well this was like her first break into film. She was very much a stage actress before this. I think it shows. yeah, absolutely. I think a lot of the time, especially nowadays, we've definitely talked about this before,

The SWAMP (02:08.526)
But I feel like a lot is very evident in media about if someone's done stage before screen. Well, especially when we're getting into an era where young people are being cast based on Instagram follows. Yes, exactly. Where, you know, I'm not saying we need prestige actors for the summer I turned pretty. Like those people can be influencers. don't give a fuck.

But like when it's coming to, if you're trying to make a good movie, yeah, you should go to the theater and see who can act. You know, we have to meet our 12 million follower cap, so. And that's why Josh O'Connor is killing it in the new Knives Out movie. Which, does that come out on Thanksgiving? I think something like that, yes. But straight to Netflix, unfortunately. No, it's gonna be in Is it? And then I think it'll only be in theaters for a very short amount of time. Well.

I think it'll have a run, but it'll be available shortly after the theatrical release. There won't be a ton of time that will have passed when you aren't able to just watch it on Netflix, which I do think movies deserve a full theater run. Absolutely.

I'm gonna try to see it in the theater. That's just like my preferred. I remember I saw the first one in the theater and then the second one didn't come because it was- COVID time. COVID time. So I'm kind of, I'm excited to get back into it. Like honestly, they can make 80 of those movies and I'd go see every one of them. They're so good. 100%. But yeah, he's getting rave reviews. And I feel like that's at least one that I can, you know- You'll have to hear it, not, what is it? The Sound of Music? No. The History of Sound. The History of Sound. The Sound of Oh my God, well I'll be seeing that.

considering that him and Paul Meskell are being so awkward on their circuit. And then I just see a thing saying, not actually, not actually. It's just like, you put anyone in front of Jimmy Kimmel. and it's just like, okay, and it's just two mice. Yeah, yeah. Two British mice, man. Two European mice in front of Jimmy Kimmel and say dance. Right. It's gonna be a little awkward.

The SWAMP (04:08.654)
But... Zendaya's not there to like help you. To help you third wheel. To help you throuple this interview situation. Exactly. But sorry. Anyways. Oh, but we're doing Stephen King. Yeah, we're going to talk about Misery, the 1990 film adaptation of the 1987 novel. again, this was much later into Stephen King's career. We talked about Carrie last week, which was his first book in

for subsequent movie adaptation of his work. But still, he writes these books and they immediately are like, let's pick it up. Dude, they said he was a hit right off the cuff. Yeah, and I feel like so many of it, like there's 80 billion Stephen King movie adaptations, because he cranks them out. Well, I'm just impressed. Well, and I think it's a thing too with Stephen King. It's like he, isn't it a whole thing of like he's willing to give anyone a shot?

to make his movie, isn't that like a whole thing is you can buy the right for a dollar? Yeah, not anymore, but like back in like the 90s, 2000s, I think it was, yeah, a whole thing. It had to be like a short story or like it couldn't be, it wasn't his novels, but it was like other stuff. I don't know, but yeah, yeah, he was always a super, he also has been involved in certain ones and.

also totally uninvolved in other adaptations, but his involvement in this one was as far as choosing the director, Rob Reiner, who also made The Princess Bride and like this was Spinal Tap and When Harry Met Sally, like a very, very famous director, Rob Reiner. He doesn't really have a horror like bone. I was gonna say, this is an interesting spin. But he had done Stand By Me.

a couple of years prior and Stephen King really thought that that adaptation was really good and he thought that misery when he heard that film execs wanted to adapt it he's like I don't think like he's like I don't trust Hollywood to do this the way I would want it to but I saw how that guy took what I thought was an unadaptable thing and made it into something that I really liked he's like so I'll sell the rights but that guy's got to direct it nice nice which definitely paid off because

The SWAMP (06:26.636)
Did he say anything about his own and like how he felt about the movie? Having seen it? He loved Kathy Bates, obviously. think he- Of course. He like wrote several other books like about her, like for her to be the star of. Wow. Well, I think especially when like a writer who has like so much like, you know, to stand on like that writes something for an actress who is brilliant, it's gotta be gas. And mostly I think they,

I think he was happy with the casting because Hollywood would probably like make her like a skinny blonde woman. Yeah. So that there could be some sort of like sexual tension or something. Of course. Yeah. And I think he was really happy to see like how that's the character he envisioned. I talked about this a lot last time with Carrie, how Carrie gets like skinny washed a lot of the time. yeah. Because that just like is what happens in Hollywood. But I.

this I don't even know if I finished it. I read it on a plane, so I'm like, maybe I only got two thirds of the way through it, honestly, I really can't remember. But I was like probably 17, I was definitely like later in high school. But I had never seen this movie until...

I was recovering from reconstructive jaw surgery. And I was on my couch and I had a couple of like really memorable movie experiences during that time. Cause I was like fully out of commission, just on the I came home from the hospital, like drugged out of my mind. was like, I just have to Happy Feet, I guess. then Kiki's Delivery Service was definitely my favorite movie. But then I remember being like,

It would be pretty funny if I watch misery while I'm like, cause I've never seen it. I'm like fully bedridden. And so I watched it for the first time then. And I was like, holy fuck, have I never seen this? It's like so, so fucking good. And I think I maybe even watched it again since, cause it's like not, it's under two hours and the pacing is so good. And I feel like it's one of those like TV movies that you could probably start.

The SWAMP (08:27.598)
at any time and get back into it. I'm cooking and doing the dishes. I miss one of her freakouts. I'll just be around for the next one. It's pretty from the jump. 20 minutes in, he's bedridden. Yeah, and taken hostage. If you don't know the story, it's that this famous writer, writes these bodice ripper romance novels. He has a whole bunch of them. They're called The Misery.

books, the Misery series. His name is Paul Sheldon and he has this ritual where he's finishing a book, he goes up to this hotel in Colorado and he like has his one cigarette or fucking whatever and does his ritual and then he finishes the book and he leaves in the middle of a big storm and Kathy Bates is his number one fan so she low-key stalks him when his car inevitably flips and skids out into the road. She comes to the rescue and pulls him from his car, saves his life.

and then slings him over her shoulder and trudges through the snow back to her house where she puts him in a bed and says, I'm taking care of you, I'm your nurse now. And we learned that she was a nurse, but that she is this fanatic, misery fan and that this was all like a stage. know, she- From the jump, she basically is like, yeah, I was stalking you. Yeah, like I was waiting for your car to crash so I could kidnap you basically.

And it starts off like you're like, she's kinda off, but like he trusts her for the most part. He's trying to, you know. Considering that he is basically dead. Right, his legs are fucked. Absolutely, Gangrenous essentially. It's like she has these homemade splints on it. You're like, honestly, it's not even doing anything. And she's lying to him. She's like, the roads are down, the phone lines are down, the roads are closed. Like you just have to stay here. And he's like, okay, okay.

Then it gets to a point where he is like, hey, like I need to call my family. And she's been going into town and stuff. So he's like, I know the roads are fine. Please take me to the hospital. And she basically is like, okay, here's the situation. You're going to stay here and you're going to write a new book for me because he killed off the main character at the end of the last book. And she's like, and you're going to unkill the character and write the sequel for me right now. And I'm not letting you go until you do that. So she.

The SWAMP (10:43.01)
sets him up with his little typewriter and is like, write my book. And then it's this sort of like thriller suspense back and forth between the two of them of like, who has the upper hand? Cause at some points he like figures out how to escape the room and go around the house. But you know, then she knows that he did it, but then she's pretending that she doesn't know. And he tries to poison her with Tylenol and you know, she knocks over the glass. It's like, was that on purpose? Did she know? Like, so she always kind of has the upper hand on him.

until it gets to the point where she's just like straight up putting an IV, like she's just like, she's just into the room and stabbing him in the neck with a syringe. Yeah. Like full of sedative and just knocking him out. Anytime anyone comes to the door, like she's throwing his ass in the basement, just rumbling down the stairs. And then on the side, obviously we have the sort of crime mystery unfolding of it all where

His agent is like, hey, I haven't heard from the author who makes me my paycheck. We gotta figure out where he's at, because that's my bread and butter. And so then she calls and gets the local police involved, who actually are just this elderly couple, who are actually so charming, it makes you root for the cops for once. And they do their little investigation, and they slowly unfold.

where he is and what happens and then he gets blasted in the chest by Kathy Bates who puts a shotgun through this man.

Like they killed that old man for real. They old yellered an old man to film this movie. That's how real that gunshot was. It was one of those things like very early on in the movie where like, yeah, back when they just had to crash a car to crash a car. Right, well they show the car crash and it's like nine different angles. Like it's flying through the air. Now it's flying through the air. Now it's going down. now it's going down from this angle. It's like, cause they had to actually

The SWAMP (12:42.51)
throw a car off of ledge. All right guys, we're just gonna do this once. There was no CGI. They're like, yeah, we're only doing this once so we really have to film it. Yeah, same thing with that old cop. They blasted it to Yeah, they crashed that car for real and they killed that old man for real. was very, oh my God, it was very Kill Bill volume two when she throws open Bud's trailer.

I mean, she gets her rock salted, just straight in the tits. Wait, that's not the only thing that's evoking Kill Bill because there's also very much like a wiggle your big toe moment. Yes, yes, yes. Where Paul Sheldon is trying to like test out to see if he can get out of bed. And he's like, okay, my feet are purple. Mind you, it's five minutes after they showed us his legs and he looks like Joffrey after he's been killed in Game of Thrones. Yeah, right. Just purple and bloated.

But then the movie ends basically by Calibates kills the cop, but then he pretends to finish the book and then he sort of tricks her by burning the manuscript. And when she jumps to save the manuscript, he has been doing.

Typewriter curl ups this whole time in like the fucking like a training montage sequence we get of him like- As he's writing his chapters and doing some pushups. Low-key getting stronger in the prison cell and he bashes her head in with the typewriter. And then there's a bit of a scuffle and a struggle, but then ultimately he trips her and she clonks her head right on the corner of the typewriter and it is visceral. she also breaks his leg a second time. yeah.

Don't you say club, hobbling him. She hobbles him. That shit was fun. I'll tell you what, those sound designers popped off with this one, cause every broken bone they made sure you heard And the prosthetic foot that they had go sideways when she bashed him in the ankle. Oh, it looked really real. It looked really, really real. Oh my God. But he gets her in the end and he, she's dead and he's free.

The SWAMP (14:49.07)
He walks with a limp into sexy cane now. and his book, he publishes the original book that she made him burn. she makes him burn the manuscript and the whole thing is like, because he killed the main character from misery so that he can move on and write something else. He writes something else, Kathy Bates reads it and she's like, they're swearing in this. is unholy. So she makes him burn it as like a part of her visions from God.

that she gets. Well, yes, of course. And she's like, yeah, you have to burn this to like rid us of sin. And the whole thing is like, there really is only one copy. Like he tries to lie and be like, my publisher's got copies. But it's like, no, this really is the only copy and Kathy Bates fucking knows it because she like weaponizes her super fandom. Well, of course. Yeah. Well, the whole thing of like, I know you better than you know you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That's how she always knows his next move. huh. huh. But he.

you know, they burn the first transcript, but then at the end of the movie, it is like he released the original book. I'm like, yeah, it's really NBD. You already wrote the book. Like it might not be the exact same, but you can probably rewrite the book. It'll actually probably be better the second time. Exactly. You have the general wordings actually. And also the way he writes, cause you get a lot of shots of him writing. It seems like he just writes straight through. There is no editing that's going on. He is not taking out. He is not crossing out. He is not- Free flowing. Yeah. That meant-

and just sits down, writes a book in 12 hours, kicks it right to the editor. Yeah, at one point Cathy Bates is like, do you want a notepad, in case you get ideas? And he's like, I don't really know what you think this is. Yeah. It's so real. You're not going to plan the book that I'm forcing you to write? You're not going to make a family tree, do a little plot outline? Honestly, it's true, though, because think of those Wattpad authors. Those girls were cranking that shit out.

popping off, no honestly. In like a week. This whole. You would get five new chapters. This whole scenario. 10,000 words. This whole scenario could have been avoided if, what's Kathy Bates' character's name? Annie Wilkes. Yeah. If Annie Wilkes had been born like 10 years later. my God, And was obsessed, like the internet became wildly available in like like 1993? Something like that. So this is supposed to be like the late 80s. I'm like, girl, you just have to get around until fanfiction.net gets registered. Oh my God.

The SWAMP (17:02.958)
She would have been fine. You know how many people that probably saved? How many authors never got kid mapped because of fan fiction? You can just go get more now. You can actually just go write your own sequel, Have a little creativity. Oh my god, Suzanne Collins is lucky. Yeah, yeah, real. Oh man. Shout out Worcester Masks. Oh my god, at one point when Kathy Bates is like rattling off.

all the facts she knows about Paul Sheldon. She's like born in Worcester, Massachusetts. And I was like, Worcester mention. Shouts out to that. my God. halfway through this movie, there was one point where it's, okay, first of all, sorry, let me backtrack before I even get to where I'm going. The most unbelievable thing about this entire movie is him picking the lock.

of the door with the bobby pin. You showed me a GIF set of like how you would actually do that. I just have remembered that on Tumblr right there was this really popular GIF. Literally, if you just Google like popular lock picking GIF, it'll be like the first one on Reddit that comes up. And it's just this diagram of like a pin pushing the individual lock things, which when you think about it, because a lock has like grooves on the key, the grooves are pushing the little inside.

mechanisms into place, like if you see how a lock works. So to pick a lock with a pin like that, if it was like a complex lock of that nature, I guess you would have to be like pushing the individual things a certain number of times to like get them to line up. So it's just like wiggling a thing around randomly is not how that would happen. But I feel like at first it's almost a self aware joke.

that he's like, oh, I used to always write about this happening in my books and it's so funny that now I have to do it or whatever. Cause it's very like a man writing women. It's like, oh, and then she just used her bobby pin to pick the lock. Cause that's what a woman would do. And he's like in real life, like, oh, fuck, that's not how it But then it fucking works.

The SWAMP (19:10.286)
and it opens the door and I'm like no the point should be he should learn his lesson to like write more intelligent female characters who can pick a lock the right way. thank you she studied for this. Exactly I don't think misery is that deep though every time they talk about these books it's like you're like what the fuck are these even about it's like like she's like I knew misery was of royal nobility like a noble line or something like that. is this? I think it's like like

like Renaissance era romance, maybe Pirates 2. It's the stuff that you see on the free table. At the library. Yes, yes, yes, at the library sale. I will say though, romance books like that go out just as much as anything else. People love them. Those pulpy, of easy read, Fabio on the cover type books. Yeah, I guess. I don't know.

That's like truly the last thing that I think I would ever take out of a library. Smut? No, actually the rebranding of Smut has been really interesting to see from like a book design cover because I work at a library so I see a lot of books go through and like what's popular and stuff. And it's just like bland now, right? I feel like old romance novels used to have like the oiled up man on the cover.

Her bodice being ripped open. yeah, right. Like wind-swept hair. Yeah, you know it's gonna be smut. I feel like that's what they used to look like. And now it's like Canva. Do you know the corporate blob art? Yes, yes. It's giving kind of like Canva corporate blob art. But Renaissance. Well, do you know? No, no, I mean the new book, the new smut. Yes, yes, yeah. Oh, well there's the fairy smut too, which is just branded as like... That's just branded as like... I think of the fairy smut more.

No, I think I feel like there's a lot of realistic romance books about like a veterinarian and a dog sitter or like a hockey coach and a Librarian or like it's very like workplace oriented or they're all enemies to lovers like we're all those. Yeah, hopes are kind of happening interest. I find it just very interesting that people really like read like full books about that instead of like just go online and read smart exactly just this much part. No, no

The SWAMP (21:23.95)
whole book and women of all ages take out these books. Yeah. Yeah. would say like ranging from, yeah, like 16 to 80. Yeah. I feel like that's the thing that I see though more is the fairy smut. I feel like fairy smut. That's a little more discreet because it also can be sometimes it's like low key shelved in the YA section. And you're like, why is this here? Maybe fucking in those books. Like that should not be in YA. It's the court of Rose and Thorns, whatever.

I see all the time on the train the girls are reading. read them. Yeah. I had to know what was going on. Sure. For science. No, I think it'd be funny if that author got like chained up. was gonna say, yeah. They were like, there needs to be more smut in this one. What do they call it? Spice. They're like, there needs to be more spice in this one. Oh my God. was...

Who would the girl be? Who would Kathy Bates be if it was for? Like the modern day book talk girlie? Yeah, the modern day book talk girl. It was a court of Rose and Thorns. Who are you casting to play her? to play Sarah J. Moss, who is probably, I would guess, like maybe like 40. Sarah J. Moss and who's kidnapping her? Sarah J. Moss should be, who's like a not-

Julia Roberts, but like a Julia Roberts aged actress who would be like a very... I mean, the first thought I have is Nicole. Nicole Kidman. I don't know, but then I feel like the younger, the girl who traps her has Yeah, that's what I wanna I would say the commentary would be like she's obsessed with book talk on her phone, but she doesn't like...

have any friends or go out in the community. And like the real, the solution is like, go join a book club. Right? Maybe or something. No, I was actually, was thinking about other versions of this, of like who gets trapped and who's the trapper and how do we like do a commentary about that? And then I was obviously thinking about my own experience watching the movie recovering from face surgery. And so then I was like, okay, face surgery, who would be having face surgery?

The SWAMP (23:31.382)
recovering from face surgery and getting misread basically. So I'm like, she's a doll and she's a DJ. And it's this trans girl DJ who like somebody randomly funds her GoFundMe and gets her surgery. And so she gets her FFS. But then the person who funded it like kidnaps her while she's in her recovery. they want to be a DJ, but they're not good at it. And they make her like make beats for them.

and then they get famous and then she's not credited or something. And that's how the music, and it's a commentary maybe on the music industry. I don't know. That was my, that's my, that's my, I have to- No one can see my slack jaws during Adara right now. Slack jaw isn't like, I don't think I quite follow what you're saying. No, this is, do you ever like write a movie? You're like, okay, I'm going to do it, but we're going to do it. And then you just think about it and then you don't, you don't edit anything. Like every decision I make.

It's like, okay, Well, that's exactly how Paul writes. Yeah, yes, yes. Stream of consciousness. Cranking them out. It's like, okay, well, if I had to do a misery, obviously it would be about a transgender DJ. Obviously, obviously. That's just what's resonating with me. Okay, but if you had to do a misery and you are kidnapping someone. yes, I asked Instagram. I asked all the Instagram homies, which I am so bad about being active for the swamp on anything.

but I asked for questions and hilariously everyone's question was the same thing. So thank you to those who submitted, but basically everyone's just like, who would you kidnap? Who would you misery? Well, cause here's the, we were spit balling before we started recording and it's the whole thing of you, what intentions do you have? Because no one's saying I have to be like Kathy Bates. No, anyone that I admire, I don't think I'm gonna want to kidnap because I need to, I'd want to stay in good standing.

Really, even like, doesn't matter what a celebrity thinks of you. You're nothing to them. Was it over? Who cares if they hate you? Yeah, that's true. But I mean, yeah. I think for my peace of mind. But that also is like, I feel like if a celebrity I really liked was ever like near me in public, would A, like never ever say anything to them A, just because I feel like enough celebrities have expressed that that is terrible, that I would never do it. But also I'd be so afraid.

The SWAMP (25:48.866)
of like saying something stupid and then like feeling stupid in front of someone you admire. I'm like, I would rather just not do Never meet your heroes. I'm sticking with a never meet your heroes stance on this one. So it was just really about torturing whatever politicians that I want. Right, yeah, like who could we maybe- Marjorie Taylor Greene, I think I would get a lot of satisfaction out of torturing her. And like are, you know, are they bedridden? Are we hobbling them? I'm hobbling this shit. Her, Stephen Miller.

and we could maybe like- I'm peel his toenails off. Make RFK watch some documentaries. Maybe like have a panel of doctors come in and like do a presentation. Like someone I could maybe, but I don't believe that any of those people could even be changed through means of torture. Oh no, I don't want to change that. Scientifically, don't I'm not changing anyone. Don't we know like psychologically that torture doesn't work? Isn't that a thing? I don't know, maybe. But like, okay, but okay, beyond that, okay. Torture out of it, I've gotten that out of my system. I'm- Who do you want?

So I do have a writer who I would like to hurry some things up because... Who is it? His name is Patrick Rothfuss. It's this book series called The Kingkiller Chronicle. Oh, you've talked about It's supposed to be a trilogy. It's intended to be a fantasy epic trilogy. And the first two books are out and they came out in 2007.

in 2011. Oh. So sequel came pretty fast. And since 2011, we've all been waiting for the third book and it has not come and over 10 years, nothing about it. Like every time he's asked about it, he is like somewhat dismissive. So there's really no it's not happened. It's very much giving like George RR Martin with the last Game of Thrones book. Yeah. But that's

does not concern me, but this does concern me. Like I need this man to finish this book series because I feel similarly about Game of Thrones, even though I haven't read it, that like if George R. Martin or this guy, if they die before it's, this guy's not that old though. He's not George R. R. Martin old. I still have like if in 20 years, if he still hasn't written it, I'm to be like super fucking pissed because then he might die. But I can see how people are like George R. R. Martin might die.

The SWAMP (28:03.566)
Absolutely. It could be any day. And some fucking sack of shit like Brandon Sanderson is gonna come in and, you know, suiting him, finish the series for him. Because that's what always happens because it's always about money and capitalism. of course. So it's just like, damn, he does need to finish it before somebody else does it posthumously, kind of, is how I feel. I wouldn't actually torture Patrick Rothfuss because I'm a normal person and, you know, fiction does not mean that much to me. Sure, sure.

But I would also, as far as somebody I admire who I'd want to spend some time with, who realistically, in my actual life now, someone I think I could really benefit from spending some time with them, is I'm gonna kidnap Brendan Lee Mulligan. He's, do you know Dropout, like Dropout TV? No. It's like College Humor became Dropout TV and they do Game Changer, you you probably have seen on TikTok.

It's like a game show and they do a bunch of D &D stuff too. But Brendan Lee Mulligan, he is like the head D.A.D. for Dimension 20. Yeah, I know who you're talking an amazing D &D production. Yes, yes, yes. And he's probably one of the best in the game as far as like Dungeons and Dragons, like storytelling. he does really good voices and character work and stuff. And I admire him. So I feel like I'd be like, help me with my D &D campaign. Sure. And I'm like, your feet are broken.

But honestly, there's not gonna, you I'm not gonna break up a second time. He'll be able to help me. I just need a month. Not even, like three days, maybe. Just a little bit of help. Oh, that's not bad. But maybe I'd keep him for a little longer. Sure. Like, we'll practice some voices or something. Of course, teach me about improv, which I'm like, I am too embarrassed to actually go do an improv class because...

That means leaving my house and I be seen and that is really embarrassing. What do they say? Like a sacrifice for community is your comfort or whatever. Fucking whatever. I'm like, because I want to be better at Dungeons and Dragons. I'm like, I should do improv because that's like very much a part of it. I should like find some improv classes, but they're all fucking expensive as hell. Like I'm not paying $700 for your week long fucking improv expo. Like that's crazy. But also I feel like I would be too embarrassed. So.

The SWAMP (30:25.038)
Yeah, that's fair enough. Yeah, just a solid springboard, just a one-on-one kind of guy. And then was there anyone else? No, I think just maybe some people I would like to make them learn some things about the world. Up to like a fifth grade education even, it would maybe do it. Yeah. I was trying to think of, because I mean, there's not really a scenario in which anyone is happy.

in this and like, not trying to torture people. I'm not going out of my way for that. That wouldn't be the ideal scenario. I would though. Oh, I would for sure. But ideally, ideally, I did have a name come to mind because I really think that for some reason, Katya would love to have this situation play out to her. Wait, I was literally- Why do I feel like she would kind of eat this up if I picked her up bedridden, girl?

We're having some fun. I want to cast her in my remake of Carrie. my She's the crazy mom. Katya, Katya, talk to your agent. would love to write the remake. Mike Flanagan's doing a Carrie remake that I don't even want to hear about. girly, it's you and me and we're going to do it. OK, we're going to find someone to be Carrie, maybe Trixie. Who's to say?

I'm less sold on that. But I feel like, I feel like Katya would eat them. Well that's the thing too, I feel like, I don't know if I was talking to you about this or on the pod already, but she was just talking about like how she hates acting, but she's really good at it. Yeah, yeah. She would absolutely kick ass. Like I just think of, I don't know what it was, that like one bit of her saving that child from the it clown or whatever. Do you know what video I'm talking about? Oh.

It's a whole thing. Jen, I have to let you know that I saw Mr. Aronofsky's movie Caught Stealing yesterday and I think it would be a great date night movie for you and Gary. Is that Austin Butler? Yes, yes. Austin Butler, Zoe Kravitz. it's a very fun like action movie. Okay, good to know. I will definitely try to get out for a date night.

The SWAMP (32:44.057)
I think it's probably the only Darren Aronofsky movie that I would maybe recommend to you. Well, you've seen Black Swan. Oh, Black Swan. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I'm trying to think of any others. You enjoyed it? was good. It was was was very much like a boy movie. It was, yeah, kind of brain off action. It was I have to admit, Austin Butler, I finally get it, you know.

I feel like I've been fighting his, cultural. Yes. And his charm. Didn't you see Dune too? I did. That's what I was thinking. I was thinking when I got home, I was like, I was like, huh, this is the first movie that I've really enjoyed that, he's been in. And then I did the same thing. I double-tilted I was like, wait, Dune, of course. So you're just thinking of how much you didn't like Elvis. I didn't even see Elvis though. I don't know. He got.

He got too weird in the culture, you know what I mean? Wait, and we loved him on Hannah Montana as well. Well, sure, of course. I wasn't too sold. I wasn't too sold, but I think I'm- Wasn't he there, or was it iCarly? No, he was on iCarly. Was he on Hannah Montana too? I think he was. Yeah, it was Hannah Montana, I think. I don't know. He was definitely also on iCarly. That's neither here nor there. We're here to play Chocolate or Vanilla, Jen's interim podcast psychnet, where she says two things. We're all gonna say which one we like better. Jen.

Hi, how are you today? And is there a theme this week? Yes, I am good. And there is a theme. I was at the dollar store with my mother-in-law yesterday, and I was inspired by the full aisle of candy with the shelf life that is the dollar store. Yeah. There was so much candy there. I love the five below candy section, because there's some weird shit in there that you're like,

You're like, if I don't buy it, it's gonna sit there for 50 years. It's the best. That's always, I used to have an AMC that was my go-to that had a Five Below and a Dollar Tree next to each other in the parking lot. So it was just the ideal, ideal situation. Cause you go in there, get something fucked up and bring it into the movies. So chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. Vanilla.

The SWAMP (35:05.87)
Chocolate. All right, so original Skittles, wild berry Skittles, or tropical Skittles? I feel like I would need all the packs in front of me to really decide, if I'm at the store, I think I'm just gonna go for the original. I would just go for the original, probably. See, I'm a very big fan of each one of these variations, so I know exactly what you're talking about, Jen. Tropical, for sure.

I like you don't see it very often. so like, whenever I see it, I got to get it. What are the flavors? Is it like coconut and mango? It's like pineapple and mango and yeah, sort of that kind of thing. Whereas what was the second one? Berries? That sounds kind of good. I would have to that. Yeah, that one's good as well.

And you could, you know, you could fill in the blank with berries. would probably go with the berry. Yeah, I would probably go with the berries. They also had mini Skittles, were teeny tiny Skittles. And I was like, I don't like that ratio of coating to I do love a mini though. The little &M's that come in the tube. I like the, have you had the mini Starburst? There was, they were there too. No, don't like that they're unwrapped.

Really? I feel like I just want to sh- I want to guzzle them anyways, so. You know. The next one is Swedish fish or Starburst or Laffy Taffy. Swedish fish, hands down, no contest. Interesting. Do you feel any kind of way about the Swedish fish that are different colors?

Not my favorite. I definitely don't go for those. I only want the red ones. OG red. Just red. Laughing Taffy. I love a taffy in any sense. That's messed up.

The SWAMP (37:01.518)
I'm just really interested in ripping my fillings out. I will go for Swedish fish, but I would take a blue Swedish fish if they dropped it in my drink at Applebee's. feel like they usually go for the gummy sharks though, and that's a whole different situation. That's a Haribo product. Next one is Sour Patch Watermelon or Sour Patch Kids? Sour Patch Watermelon.

go with the watermelon. My favorite is the pack that they put out that's just blue, all blue, just the blue ones. I really like that. But I would say I don't really like the orange or yellow ones. So I'd rather go for a pack where I like all of the flavors, which would be watermelon. They have a variety pack out now that's like peach, grape, watermelon, and what's the fourth thing. I feel like most of them are ass.

Strawberry, it's strawberry. So the strawberry ones and the watermelon ones are good and then the other two are kind of like, ugh. I just don't like artificial peaches, my-ish. Yeah, see, I feel like I can't tell the difference like flavors between the original Sour Patch Kids except for the blue ones. So this is excellent news that they have a pack of just the blue ones.

But I don't know, I guess I'll go Sour Patch Kids. I think I'd reach for those before the watermelons. Yeah, I'm going to go for a watermelon. And then next one, looping back to Swedish Fish. Maybe it's genetic, Dara, how much we love Swedish Fish. Maybe it's a gene.

Yeah, it's Swedish thing. for sure. No, that's probably I would say like if I'm at the movies and I'm going to get my popcorn and a chocolate snack and a fruity snack, I think the fruity snack choice would be Swedish fish over a Skittle, a Starburst. You know, I think I would go for the Swedish fish given the bog standard like box candy options. Yeah, that's a very that's I feel like that's a very like good and safe choice and probably your best one. Also, they're soundless.

The SWAMP (39:09.582)
Skittles, that makes a lot of noise. Good point at the movies. I don't know, you're already crunching on popcorn. That's true. I'm slurping away. And we're talking. Next one is airheads or twizzlers. Ooh.

Ooh, right now if both were in front of me, I would want an Airhead, I think. And as a kid, I used to always love you grab one end of the package and you shake it and you use like centrifugal force or whatever to make the Airhead shrink down into like a tiny cube. you do that. a starburst. And then you got starburst. You're making it into a starburst. Yeah, and then you get a starburst at the end. It's like, you got to work for it.

But Twizzlers, I don't really, I don't like red vines. I don't like licorice. I'll take a Twizzler. I'll eat a Twizzler if it's like given to me for free, but I don't think I would really choose it. Yeah, Twizzlers I feel like are the thing that's kind of left at the bottom of the Halloween candy. I'm definitely gonna go Airheads as well. But with that, I need to know what your favorite flavor would be.

If you all of them out in front of you. I used to like how you get a white one and it would be a mystery. that's me. I like the white ones as well. Because then you're like, huh, they kind of do all taste the same, huh? I can't really tell what this is supposed to be. It's like, oh, it is a mystery. Yeah, it is a mystery. I like blue and red. standard. Cherry and blue are the best. go wrong. I did like the watermelon ones though, I remember. Those ones are pretty solid.

This is making me want an Airhead, but I will pick Twizzlers because that is a frequent movie snack of mine. They taste like wax, they're awful, they make me feel gross afterwards, and I still kind of love them. Next one is a Tootsie Roll or a Twix? A Tootsie Roll is kind of ass, but again, if it's given to me for free, I'll take it, but that's like some bottom of the bag, like down there with a...

The SWAMP (41:17.486)
a Werther's Original, like in your tote bag kind of candy. I will go for the, what was the other one? Twix. Twix. Oh, Twix is like an S tier candy bar. Yeah. You're putting, that's like shit from a butt. It's gold. that's, there's, you can put Twix up against like Reese's, like something that stood a chance. Yeah. Yeah. You need something with some half tour. Tootsie Rolls never stood a chance. I'm going to go Twix as well.

Yeah, I would go Twix too, for sure. Next one is a Butterfinger or those butterscotch candies with the yellow wrapper. Yeah, fuck that as well. And I love a Butterfinger. I think Butterfingers are underrated and I think they like get swept on. And that might be if I'm like at the grocery store checkout line, I feel like a 100 grand or a Butterfinger are like the two things that are of whistling my name. I'm a Heath girl in that regard, but I do like

Butterfinger, I got some Butterfinger ice cream. That's fucked up, It was so good, oh my god. So I'm gonna go, what was my other option? Oh yeah, Butterfinger. butterscotch candies. Butterfinger, easily. Those are so nostalgic for me though. Yeah, cause your grandma probably gave you one and you were like.

Okay. She would have the root beer barrels. The like, strawberries. The little. the strawberries with the gushy center and these butterscotch. So I'm going to go for my gran. I'm going to pick the butterscotch candies. and peach candies with peanut butter inside them. Have you ever seen those? Look them up. They're square and they shaped like a little pillow. Peach and peanut butter. They were nasty. no. And also they would put out ribbon candy at

Christmas. I remember that shit was also because it was also vaguely like licorice tasting. not good. These look horrible. They just also look like they come in a canister. Jesus Christ. They look like they're all they're metallic. Yeah, they're like they've been like a sheen. Yeah, what? Yeah, I don't know. That doesn't look like something you should eat.

The SWAMP (43:28.75)
I'm frightened. Oh, it's a necko. Oh, that makes sense. Those were the high choices we had choices of when I was growing up. Back in my day, they used to put peanut butter in the peach pillows. OK, grandma, go to sleep. Next one called it Heath Bar or Kit Kat. Oh, Kit Kat. Heath, easy. Yeah, I'm going to say Kit Kat.

Next one is a Werther's original or a Werther's chewy? Oh, an original. An original. I'd rather have the lozenge than chew on a little soft caramel. I think for the sake of my teeth, I'll go for the chewy ones because I can't just suck on the lozenge I'm chomping on or what. I chew them, yeah. Patience is a virtue, all right? Some of you need to learn it.

I will probably pick the original, but I will definitely bite it in half. Next one is a Snickers or the Minis? Minis. What an advancement in technology and getting me closer to eating fish gravel. That's what I really want. They do make those like candy rocks, which are kind of nice, but I do love the mini &Ms. Yeah.

A Snickers bar feels like a last resort. It's like, I need something with some calories. I need to replace a meal. Replacing a meal with a candy bar is kind of depressing as a concept. That's whole thing. Only when Snickers come up for me. That's when I'm like, this one's got some protein. This is basically lunch. What's the tagline? You're not you when you're hungry? Not anymore. They probably changed it for something stupid because all advertising is stupid now.

Yeah, you tell them. Yeah. I'll go for the mini &Ms for the nostalgia factor. I will go with Snickers. Next one is Mike and Ike's or Life Saver Gummies. Someone recently told me that the sour Mike and Ike's are incredibly slept on. yes, that is true. I think it's Henry doesn't like when candy has like the

The SWAMP (45:51.63)
crunchies on the outside, like think a Sour Patch kid, but he likes sour candy. So, but he was like, the Mike and Ikes are perfect because they're just, it's like a Mike and Ike, but it's just a sour Mike and Ike. It's not, they didn't coat it with something like crunchy, you know what mean? How does he feel about the nerds clusters? Not for him? I don't think he loves them. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Not like I But he's like, he gets the gummy. Yeah. Yeah. But what was my choice other than Mike and Ike? Life Saver gummy.

no, definitely a Myconyx. I feel like from those little vending machines at like the mall where you'd put in a quarter and get a little handful of Myconyx, I feel like those did wonders for my immune system. That's probably like why I have some like good, you know, some fight in my body. It's from the bacteria that got neutralized by those Myconyx. Do you know what I'm talking about? What fight are you talking about?

So true. You're going down like that. Wait, no, it's because I like fully don't have an immune system, then you do. It's a flight or flight. Flight or flight. I'm flighting. I'm flighting. No, it's like we zoom in and my osmosis Jones situation is like that I have no immune system. It's just those Mike and Ikes in there from the bowling alley. the seven of them.

like operating your organs. they're punching out bacteria. white blood cells have been replaced. Yup. Oh my... Yeah. I'm a... Myconex are fine. I think those lifesaver gummies that the flavor of lifesavers isn't good enough to warrant them being in gummy form. But I'm gonna go Myconex this week. Alyssa, my sister is a

big Mike and Ike's girl. That's like her movie candy. So yeah, I know about this hour Mike and Ike's and their gas. Nice. I'm going to go Mike and Ike's also. I just remembered two other O.G. candies. So for the lifesavers at Christmas, you would get a book with the lifesavers in them. Yeah. Yeah. And then, oh my God, good and plennies were nasty. They were pink and white like licorice. Yeah. I remember those. Yeah. Gross.

The SWAMP (48:10.318)
But the last one. Do you remember now and later's? Yeah, those you did. Those were so sticky, though. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Last one is an open ended question. in the Reese's family, what's your favorite? Like, what's the perfect peanut butter to chocolate ratio? The the unwrap one, the little wrap ones, the original and the two pack, the

ones that are shaped like Christmas trees, the big cups with the double peanut butter. This is great. the other day at the grocery store Oreo and Reese's are doing a collab right now where they have the normal sized cups and it's like an Oreo on the bottom with a Reese on top. But they also have the mini individual wrap sized ones and it's like Oreo swirled into it. I'm

almost bought them and then I didn't because they were kind of expensive. But maybe next time I'm at the grocery store, I might be having to try those. But I do like the little individually wrapped sized ones. I think that is the best chocolate to peanut butter ratio. I would prefer those, like a little baggie of those over the two that come in the regular pack or the little mini unwrapped ones. That's not right either. I do like a PC and I do love the holiday shaped ones, a Christmas tree, a pumpkin.

whatever. But I think the little individually wrapped like mid-sized Reese's are the best ones. The mid-sized. I think the tiniest one, not the teeny tiny ones that are unwrapped. wrapped. Wrapped in the tin foil. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Wrapped in the tin foil. I agree with you there. Unwrapped I can get behind the teeny tiny ones. I like those ones because it is sort of like a chocolate fish gravel situation. But

I like the Thins as well. I have to give a quick They're good, they're pretty good. But I can get behind like a standard regular size cups that, you know, the two pack. I'm gonna go out on a limb though and say that I think that the holiday shaped ones are horrible. I think there is not enough chocolate and there is way too much peanut butter. is not for me.

The SWAMP (50:29.614)
That is the case, but it is kind of like fun. It works for you. Yeah. It's just we're switching it up. And it's like, oh, it's a chunky little weird bat. It's supposed to be a bat. What the hell? I'm going to go for the sweep with the little ones that are foil around. Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, the council has ruled. imagine I'm tapping a gavel. The candy council. That would be the only kind of judge I could be was if there was a candy council. Yeah, snacks. That's it for Long Shelf Life Candy.

Chocolate or vanilla? Hell yeah. I recently went out on a limb and I got Shaq, Shaquille O'Neal has gummies that are shaped like his head. I wish I knew you guys were going to know the obscure ones because there were some really weird stuff. Wait, tell me more. Wait, They just tasted like fruit snacks. They were straight up just like fruit snacks.

Welch's fruit snacks are how it tasted to me. There was a peach one, which I didn't love, but the other ones I was like, it's just fruit snacks. Which if I'm getting candy, I kind of want it to taste more like candy. It was like just a fruit snack. But my headphones are about to die, so I'm gonna just wrap things up. Jen, thank you so much for being here. We'll see you next week and we love you. Goodbye. I love you guys. Have an awesome night. Bye Jen.

So after we finished recording this, I'm gonna show you this video. And this video went viral. Like, I don't know what year it was. It was definitely a while ago. More than five years ago. But there's this video of a woman and she goes into a Barnes and Noble and it's like, I don't know if it's staged or if they like just, you know, but it's very much a kind of making people uncomfortable in public for

The SWAMP (52:21.248)
attention kind of thing, but this woman goes into a Barnes and Noble and she starts talking to the cashier as if she's Kathy Bates's character from Misery looking for the new Paul Sheldon book. And she's like, what do you mean? You don't know the greatest writer on earth, Paul Sheldon. I need this cock a duty book today. And she's yelling and I don't think making service workers, you know,

Subjected to shit at their job is funny. Like I think that shit is annoying. And this video is kind of annoying, but it also is kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Dragon lady arrested at Barnes and Noble. Dragon lady arrested for baby deaths. That's going to be my vocal stem for the next week. Dragon lady murdered for baby deaths. And she had little, in her scrapbook, she like had little stickers that said like another baby.

notes on the sides of the largest like glitter pen stars and hearts that says like baby number 43 to go I think if you I think if you actually take a minute and like pause on those newspaper clips you do find out that she's killed 30 p like about their people yeah most of being babies but the first one is her dad yeah

Then she kills her roommate in nursing school, is the next one that they show. And then they show that she gets put in charge of an ICU unit or like a NICU. Yeah, the baby ward. The baby ward. And then she, you know, kills a bunch of babies because she's a murderer. So I feel like any any speculation. This was her big fish, really. Right. Yeah. Yeah. She knew she had been working up.

to this one. was all practice. huh. Yeah, getting the babies out of the system. And then she talks about having a husband who loved her, but it's like, did she kill him too? Oh definitely, yeah. Or did he actually just leave her? Absolutely. Did she go to jail? Right? It said, Jay, said a dragon lady arrested in baby deaths. Maybe she had a little stint in jail. That's where she learned, you know.

The SWAMP (54:28.056)
how to keep an eye out for people who are hiding weapons. Yeah, no, I'm impressed that they caught her for the baby deaths considering that it seems like every town just has one old couple. It seems, honestly, like she left and fled town and that's why she lives at this farm now. that just makes sense. She did her time for the crime and then she like sort of flew into the woods. Through the coop. my God, on her farm where she has her pig, her pig misery.

I was asking my husband Henry, like what is with Stephen King and pigs because Carrie has pigs and then they obviously dump pig's blood on her. Of course. Carrie, but in the book Carrie like lives on a pig farm and has pigs and that's why people make fun of her because she has pet pigs and she smells. But in this, Kathy Bates also has a pet pig. It's like what is with pigs? But I guess Stephen King, when he was growing up, he would go to the summer with some family who had a farm. go live on the

farm with the family, you the cousins for the summer or whatever. just fond of the pigs. And he, I don't know if he's fond of them, but more, had a lot of like formative experiences there on the farm about like fear. Sure. Because he would like being in a creepy barn and seeing a spider, right? When you're like six. Okay. Can be like really formative of like what scares you. things that are scary. So I can see how he peppers kind of that. Also everything's always in fucking Maine. This is in Colorado, but it's like.

It's one or the other. It's made adjacent. Exactly. snow and the mountains and the cold. Uh-huh. But, so, what I had not realized about this movie until after watching it the first time was that this whole thing is sort of a big metaphor about addiction. Yes. And that's not something that I had really pieced together, or I think that the average viewer would maybe even piece together, if not for the inside knowledge that Stephen King

has had an addiction issue throughout his life, primarily with cocaine, like in the 70s and into the 80s, I believe. Yeah, certainly some of his most famous works, his hay day, really. Which, we'll maybe get Henry on sometime this month to talk about The Dark Tower, because Henry read those books, and it's a whole book series that spans King's entire career. So some of them you are reading, and you're like, wow.

The SWAMP (56:50.754)
he's in his cocaine bag right now, huh? And then, you know, suddenly themes of recovery and redemption. And you're like, this is making sense for who you are as a person. that series is sort of Stephen King's like self insert series. This is the one that like hits home. But he always does a little bit of self insert, obviously, because this is about a writer. It's like, okay, like writer writing about writers, but the whole thing is. When you do look at it through that lens though, you're like, it's

blatantly obvious. It is him in his bag of coke. He is the writer and Kathy Bates, fucking, I keep calling her just Kathy Bates. Annie. Annie is supposed to be cocaine use and it's like him feeling trapped and pressured and unable to, you know, perform because of this like complicated and stressful relationship he has with this thing that is totally monopolizing his whole life basically. I mean, making all of his decisions and

Yeah, controlling everything. it obviously it makes so much sense now that you see it. But at first I was like, yeah, I just thought he hated women. Like, just thought he was just like scared of middle aged women. Like, what's the scariest thing? He's bad mommy issues. Like a woman with the ability to like be deceptive. She's like, I'm just a I'm just a bumbling Catholic. Yeah, I'm just like a frumpy, you know, Christian woman.

suspect to me of evil, I'm a nurse, you know, the taking advantage of people's sort of misconceptions or judgments. did. I will say I did really like the end in regards to what looking through it with that lens and everything like that. Because it's the whole like, I'm not. He's talking about how in the end, he's sort of

grateful for the experience that he had with it. And I think he ends off, I think it ends on the line like, but every now and then I do find myself thinking of her. Yeah, yeah. Which is very true for anyone that's probably struggled with substance abuse issues. Right, right. And he sees the lady who kind of looks vaguely like her and he's thinking about it, thinking about it. Yeah, because could you imagine, mean, imagine Stephen King later in life being like, seeing that coke at the party and saying.

The SWAMP (59:04.886)
God damn it. None for me. you. I'll just go to one of my many houses. Yeah, just one of my 19 like front houses in Stephen King is someone who like has always not really perplexed. I don't think is the right word, but like I feel like his treatment of women in his books has really varied. He has a lot of strong female characters that you're kind of like, wow, that's really insightful for a man and like interesting that.

you know, somebody as popular as him at this time would be investing that much stock into, you know, female leads. Of course. And then there's like the orgy in the it book. Well, yes. And then it's like then there's some stuff that you're just like, huh? You're like, hey, this fucked up red shit. What the hell? But I feel like Stephen King's politics have always sort of checked on like on a personal level that you're like, kind of would hope that he is always.

all about women's liberation in the 70s and was very, you know, has always kind of been to the left. But he did have some tweets recently, like about the Epstein files that were like super weird. I can't say I'm shocked. He's been like pretty vocally critiquing of Trump, but he said something like, the Epstein files are as real as the tooth fairy. Everyone needs to get over it. Something like that. it's just like, I'm like,

Wait a to incriminate yourself. And I'm like, no one asked. Buddy, no one asked what your thought was. You couldn't even tell us if you were there if you wanted to. But now I'm kind of like, OK, let's take a step back there. Steve. But wait, speaking of taking a step back, we have to talk about the new Wuthering Heights trailer. my God. OK. So I'm not like as

I think some people are taking this criticism a little bit too far. I think out of baseline, yes, I agree. Emerald Fennel is kind of a joke. think she should be making music videos, not feature length I was just about to say that was the one thing that I really felt strongly about in the...

The SWAMP (01:01:14.402)
the Twitterverse where someone tweeted, you see what happens when you let people who were born to direct music videos make movies. And she just needs to put the pen down. Like she's actually a pretty good visual director. I think the movie is going to look really cool. Like visually, I'm going to be there. I'm going to be sad because I'm excited to watch it. I know it's not going to look. And she's like, we're going to get two hot people and do a bodice ripper. And that's going to be, it's going to visually stunning. But just don't make it withering height. Just make it a bodice ripper. Just write your own other thing.

Because don't take this piece of fiction that's about like a class struggle and racism and then cast Jacob Elordi. And Margot Robbie, she's supposed to be like 18 or 19. Margot Robbie is 35. We can just do a bodice ripper. I'm at least glad that she put the quotation marks around it. Just call it something else. Switch the character, write your Wuthering Heights adaptation, and then change their names to

and Marjorie and call it something else. I'm gonna watch it and I don't, here's the thing, I've never read Wuthering Heights, have you? I have not, I think my mom has though. We'll have to get Jen's. Familiar enough with the Bronte sister influence and sort of what was going on there to have a general idea, but no. I've never read any Jane Austen and I've never read any Bronte sisters. I skipped a lot of those eras of English classes.

in high school and college. Yeah, but it's one of those things like I am a lot of people are mad about it. I'm kind of excited. I want I want something really horny and beautiful to look at. I'm not mad. I also disagree with all the criticisms about like it being not period accurate and stuff like, the wedding dress she's wearing is wouldn't have even been white and blah, blah, blah. And faithfulness to the book. I'm like that that doesn't really matter so much as

the themes and the actual story. Right. And I think it's fun to, you know, I think of a night's tale starring Heath Ledger. We're doing early 2000s music in a medieval setting. Like put Charlie XCX over over, you know, your period piece. I think that's awesome. Yeah.

The SWAMP (01:03:29.966)
do modern stylizations of your period piece. think that's really I was gonna say, have you guys never seen a modern stylization of Shakespeare before? Right, yeah. This is far from the most heinous thing about this adaptation. But I do believe the movie will be bad. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure even they probably put the best parts in the trailer. You could probably just watch the trailer. absolutely, yeah.

Am I gonna be walking out of the movie theater with my nipples hard though? Probably. Yeah, honestly, and I feel like the discourse and the cultural eruption around Saltburn was the thing that made it fun. So this would probably be the same way. I wasn't wowed by Saltburn and sometimes I just don't, I don't need to be wowed by a movie. I'm not gonna be wowed by this. I visually I'm gonna have fun. I think, yeah, I don't know. It's Margot Robbie, Jacob Elordi's pretty. Who else is in it? Is it just them? I don't know.

I don't know, I feel like this is a good precursor to Frankenstein though, which I'm actually excited for. Like, just give me, I like Jacob Elordi in a period piece. I like Jacob Elordi generally. I think he's a pretty good actor. Did you see that Aaron Taylor Johnson is gonna play the werewolf in Beowulf? I have, have you seen him scruffing up? Yeah, He looks crazy, it's awesome. I'm kind of into it. Yeah, I can't believe that hag is the one that gets all of that. I know, to a king.

Joey King. I need to know what happened. Oh, wish. wish. I wish. Oh, wait. Do you want to hear a really fun piece of trivia that I out? please, This is about Joey King. No, it's not about Joey King. Well, so was looking into so Kathy Bates won the Oscar for this role. Yes. She won Best Actress at the 1991 Oscars. Ninety one. was up. No, best of a ninety because Jodie Foster won in ninety one for Silence of the Lambs. Oh, well, yeah. Maybe it was at ninety two. I don't know.

She was up against, who she was up against was important though. Meryl Streep for Postcards from the Edge, great movie. Which we've covered on the pod. Yes, Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman. Also covered on the pod. Wait, we could maybe sweep this category. What else would we have to watch? Oh, is Angelica Houston. Yeah, Angelica Houston for, where is it? The Grifters, and then Joanne Woodward for Mr. and Mrs. Bridge. I have no idea what that is.

The SWAMP (01:05:48.354)
But Kathy Bates considering this was like really one of her first big breaks into a film and taking the Oscar definitely I think like solidified her as a legend. I think she already had a Tony before this actually so she was definitely, she had accolades and stuff. She was not new to the scene. But definitely kind of put a stamp also, you know, is this horror? Is it thriller? Whatever. But as far as the Academy's recognition of horror movies is so slim, like

so few movies and so few performances. You have the running list. What have you got? I like an IMDb fun fact about this. It was like there's exactly maybe five- Five performances- That you could consider horror. That have ever been awarded in that category and this Cathy Bates in this having been one of them. Yeah, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde from the 30s. Yep. And then two, no, Blacks.

Swan. Yup. Was the most recent and then. I'm not going to be able to find it again. Oh, okay. So it was Frederick Marsh in 1931 for Dr. Jocko and Mr. Hyde, then Ruth Gordon in Rosemary's Baby. Yes, Rosemary's Baby. In 1968, then both Anthony Hopkins and Joey Foster for Silence of the Lambs, and then Natalie Portman in Black Swan.

And then Kathy Bates here. So that's really all we've been given, considering I almost feel like every year, the best performance that sticks out my mind is usually a horror performance. At least in the last five years, my, yeah. And they're rarely even nominated, let alone win. hardly. But then I was looking into awards around misery, and then I was getting into a hole, and I saw that it was on Broadway, but it wasn't a musical. was just a stage play.

Yo, wait, Loki, that E. And do you want to guess who was Kathy Bates and James Kahn respectively? Are they actors or are they theater people? Yeah, you'll never guess. Laurie Metcalf, who's Lady Bird's mom. Shut up. Shouts out to Laurie Metcalf, Lady Bird's mom. Will I guess the man? No way. Actually, he's having a bad turn with dementia right now.

The SWAMP (01:07:59.854)
Bruce? Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis? Yeah, maybe that was not the most tactful way to bring that up. But yeah, was Lori Metcalf and Bruce Willis in these two roles. low key that probably eight. It was Tony nominated. Lori Metcalf, she didn't win, but she was nominated. So it was at least on, you know, that That's fucking awesome. Isn't that amazing? That's fucking awesome. Yeah, that really tickled me.

We're really sad to hear about all the sad news. Literally, I always see these headlines that seem like it's gonna announce that he's dead, but then it's just like an update on his worsening condition. And I'm like, I don't need to know this. I'm not in his family. I don't need to know the name of the home he's at. That's really fucking sad. Much love and respect to Bruce Willis and his family.

I bet he ate up that role. Honestly, maybe more than James Khan, who was a Donald Trump supporter, but he's dead now. Yeah, so there we go. No more. Also, notably, James Khan, anyone our age, would know Kathy Bates from American Horror Story, and you would know James Khan as the annoyed dad from Elf. Yeah, more famously, honestly. Buddy the Elf's dad. Yeah, Buddy the Elf's dickhead dad. Who is a book-

editor. Also true. Yes, he's a publisher. Connection. This was the pre- The line. The prequel. The prequel to Elf is misery. Yeah, he settles down after this. my god, that'd be crazy. But do we want to get into our regularly scheduled? I feel like we need to do, it needs to be fuck, marry, kill, fight. And the four options are Annie Wilkes, Paul Sheldon, and then the two old

people who are the cops whose names are like Like George and Virginia or something. Like old man cop and old lady cop. Yeah. I'm so sad for Virginia. wish that's the one thing about this. We got no closure. I wish we got some closure for Virginia because her husband was killed brutally and her scenes with him was really sweet. Yeah, so good. little banter that they had. So I feel like I'll my debut when you're in this car. I'll marry her.

The SWAMP (01:10:03.502)
to save her, I'll kill, I guess I'll kill, well, who am gonna fuck? I'll fuck Paul Sheldon, because he writes romance novels, so you have to at least have some idea of what's going on. Did he seem divorced though? They he had a daughter that is in college, so maybe that is not what I'm gonna go for. So maybe I'll have one.

Even one freaky night with Kathy Bates honestly sounds too stressful for me. Yeah, I'm not gonna I'm gonna do something She's gonna yell at me. I feel like we I'm gonna fight her cuz oh yeah kill fight I do want to fight her like in her house so we can each like use a bunch of different knickknacks as weapons against each other. Yeah, like we start like Scott Pilgrim versus the world style fighting right like she's got a broom

and I've got like a teapot, but then, you I smash the teapot and then I pick up, you know, something else that's funny. It's very like a loony-toot I'm picturing you two like the intro to Kill Bill with Copperhead or whatever. But yeah, so I guess I'll fuck Paul Sheldon, I'll fight Annie Wilkes, I'll kill the husband again because he already got murked, and then I'll just marry his wife. Virginia, you're gonna marry Virginia. I'm gonna marry Virginia as well. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna kill, yeah, I gotta kill Annie. can't, she scares the shit out of me, dog. I can't deal with stress like that. I'm not a girl that can harness her anxiety to come up with a plan to break out. I show everything on my face and I'm like a bad liar. So I like trying to deceive her, would be stressful. I gotta go straight for the kill. That's why I could never do survive her. Everyone would know that I'm lying.

They'd be like, who are you voting for tonight? And I'd be like, I wish you hadn't asked me that because it's you. So I'll I'll kill her. I'll fight the cop and I'll fuck Paul. Yeah.

The SWAMP (01:12:09.262)
Yeah, because that's, yeah, sure. Not a very fuckable movie, but honestly, that's not what I want out Yeah, no, I want to keep my pants on. Thank you. Around the Dragon Lady. the Dragon Lady. Dragon Lady kills 30 babies. But then you're going to have a misery watch party, which is a hilarious concept. What are you going to eat and drink?

The SWAMP (01:12:36.014)
I'll go for the champagne. I'll bite at that. I'll do the champagne thing. But the only thing I think, okay, I think it would be...

He has that one nice dinner with her, which he kind of constructs, you know what I mean? Meat Wolf. And if I was going to get that, I would make sure that I construct a better menu. your favorite author? Yeah. But if I was being served as the favorite author, what I want is, and I think that she could body this too. Home cook Annie Wilkes you think could? Home cook Annie Wilkes could do me a good steak.

and a twice baked potato with a side of asparagus. I'm gonna challenge her. Yeah, cause you know, I know that there's a distinct possibility that I might be dying sometime soon. I at least want one good last fucking meal. So I'm gonna do that and some champagne. What about you? I like that. I was definitely thinking like the bedridden route.

like hospital food. Well, you did wash this while you had your jaw wired shut. I had I had to do like a liquid only like not even soft food, like literally liquid, liquid like oatmeal was textured for me. That's like a crazy thing to say. And during that time, I feel like I was having so much soup and all I wanted was like a crusty sandwich to because I'm like, what the hell is your soup?

Yeah, bread for my soup broth because I can't open my mouth. So I feel like a bed recovery meal that was not for me at that time, but would be on most other occasions or for anyone else would be like a dank grilled cheese tomato soup combo because she spills tomato soup all over him. yeah. So I feel like and that's like, yeah, food you eat when you're sick. like a

The SWAMP (01:14:27.118)
like a grilled cheese, you know, you could get creative with it if you want or just do like a standard, you know, I love just a white bread and American cheese, mayo on the outside. It's so good. It just Campbell's tomato soup. Yeah, personally, I think the best one is the from the box from Trader Joe's. You put me onto that because you brought me that soup.

when my job was Wired Shit. And now I get the brand that you can get at most other stores is called Pacific. And it's roasted red pepper and tomato soup. And it comes in a box. So it's like more servings. It's a little expensive, but. I think it's worth it. They're usually a lot creamier personally. yeah. But are you gonna watch after this? So I was thinking. You're holding your friends hostage. Yeah, I was thinking about like hostage movies.

and what are some good like hostage situation movies. When I was thinking about the menu and how that is like kind of a fun and I almost feel like Ray Fiennes could also have just played this author in this movie. Like he could have done a good job with that role. And I feel like he's also of the stage. So he and Cathy maybe would have like played off each other a little bit more. Not that I thought these two had a bad dynamic or anything. I thought.

James Conn was fine, he was just, he was just fine. He was just getting bodied by Kathy Bates. Slapped around. So I was thinking about the menu, but then I was like, okay, we're moving on. And I'm like, I need to think of it as less of a hostage crisis and more of a prison break because he has his prison break, like a training sequence where he's getting stronger, but he's keeping it a secret and he's, you know, mapping off the house during the day, but then going back to the room and stuff. So I think you should watch the movie, The Rock.

It's got Sean Connery in it and Nicolas Cage. I don't think I know it. And my god, it's hilarious. It's like a Michael Bay action movie from the 2000s. And it's just this intricate prison break scenario. And it's just hilarious. Okay, love, love. Obviously when I Google The Rock, it's Dwayne The Rock Johnson. I mean The Rock. The movie, thank it's from 1996.

The SWAMP (01:16:35.438)
1996. Yeah, it's like Ed Harris. It's like a guy. It's a boy movie. It's very much a boy movie you watch ironically and you're like, this is hilarious. Yeah, this kind of hits. Yeah, that's my suggestion. I'm going to go for more of a, I don't know, I wouldn't call it hostage situation, but almost like it's kind of a hostage situation that you get yourself into, which I guess is kind of like this one, but it's called Shallow Grave. It's a Danny Boyle movie.

It's definitely one of his earlier ones, but it's got you and McGregor. And it's kind of, what's a good way to put it? I the tagline on Letterboxd is what's a little murder among friends. So it's kind of cat and mousey. It's kind of like friends turning on each other. You and McGregor has never looked sexier in his life. Wait, let me show it to me. Oh my God. He's got your hair right

Yeah, he's got my hair right now. It's, yeah, very good, very fun. 93 minutes. Yeah. I'd be remiss if I didn't dunk on Danny Boyle, who recently signed with a big AI startup thing. Oh, He's involving himself in that. Oh, yeah, the Natasha Lyonne shit or whatever. Right. It's like. Yeah, I can't say I'm shocked. Those who are like, you know.

we have to embrace it. You you'll fall behind if you don't embrace it. Like, no, fuck you for embracing it. If no one embraces it, then no one will have to keep up with any sort of standard. What if we all just don't embrace it? my God. What if we all had a spine? Yeah, fucking for What if we let artists keep creating And like, you already are probably financially so well off. It's not like you need a cash Exactly. What You want to outsource the work? don't want to do the work? whatever.

But then out of 10, I'm gonna give this movie like a seven. Yeah. Hmm.

The SWAMP (01:18:41.998)
I'll give it, I think it was really good. I couldn't say it's one that I'm gonna come back to. It was like pretty fine. I'll give it a six. Honestly, yeah, six and a half, something like that. For Cathy. For Cathy, yeah. was more wowed by her performance than anything, but it definitely does give me play vibe. Yeah, was almost like it's about the performance and watching the actors. Exactly, so. Are we doing a revival?

Or wait, we'll do a revival stage production of Carrie and Katya, we can do that. We can revive. Carrie was like a terrible flop of a musical that lost millions of dollars and only ran for like one weekend. It was terrible. We should revive the disaster Carrie musical. I think that that sounds like the perfect thing for her and me and us. Katya as Mama White? And then.

And then if that does well, maybe we can use the money to fund a misery situation. Exactly. Yeah. I like the sound of this. think, think Steven will get behind it easily. Yeah, for sure. If he's not too busy, like randomly tweeting about the Epstein files. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. he's not too busy getting himself into hot water. Yeah, whatever. But thank you all for listening and thank you to those who've sent in movie suggestions. Please keep them coming for this month, other months, month themes, anything you want to tell us, drop us a line. Hey, what's up?

If any new movies you've seen that you really enjoy we're sort of entering pre-oscar season We love to talk shit on all the buzz coming. We love yeah from Venice Film Festival Venice Tiff evil film director. my god Alex Payne stole the Holdovers movie and is a fuck Is a Zionist fuck can eat shit. Yeah

So fuck, you know, fuck the whole award system, but we're still gonna talk about it, obviously. I'm still gonna go see the movies. I'm gonna talk about it. So I hope all of you have a lovely rest of your weekend and don't get hobbled.