{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":3.9,"endTime":6.48,"body":"Welcome to the heartbreak"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":3.9,"endTime":6.48,"body":"to happiness show with sarah"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":6.48,"endTime":9.3,"body":"davison if you're struggling"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":6.48,"endTime":9.3,"body":"with a breakup and you feel"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":9.3,"endTime":14.61,"body":"shocked angry betrayed"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":9.3,"endTime":14.61,"body":"devastated or sad and alone then"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":14.61,"endTime":18.36,"body":"this podcast is for you best"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":14.61,"endTime":18.36,"body":"selling author and award winning"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":18.36,"endTime":21.78,"body":"hosts Sara Savison shares how"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":18.36,"endTime":21.78,"body":"you too can get on with your"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":21.78,"endTime":27.15,"body":"life to heal grow and move from"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":21.78,"endTime":27.15,"body":"heartbreak to happiness here's"},{"speaker":"Intro","startTime":27.15,"endTime":28.44,"body":"your host Sara"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":32.61,"endTime":36.75,"body":"Welcome back to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":32.61,"endTime":36.75,"body":"the show and today my guest is"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":36.78,"endTime":41.37,"body":"adele ballantine now adele is a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":36.78,"endTime":41.37,"body":"qualified psychotherapist and"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":41.37,"endTime":46.26,"body":"counsellor and has an ma in"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":41.37,"endTime":46.26,"body":"relationship therapy her work"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":46.26,"endTime":49.68,"body":"includes helping separating"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":46.26,"endTime":49.68,"body":"couples through the difficult"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":49.68,"endTime":54.24,"body":"process of divorce in a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":49.68,"endTime":54.24,"body":"therapeutic way the main focus"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":54.27,"endTime":59.07,"body":"of her work is to enable the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":54.27,"endTime":59.07,"body":"process of divorce to change in"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":59.07,"endTime":63.84,"body":"order that couples emerge with a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":59.07,"endTime":63.84,"body":"more positive outlook limit the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":63.84,"endTime":68.37,"body":"emotional damage caused to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":63.84,"endTime":68.37,"body":"children by this process and"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":68.4,"endTime":73.56,"body":"most importantly co parent their"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":68.4,"endTime":73.56,"body":"children in the future so i'm"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":73.59,"endTime":78.15,"body":"super excited to welcome adele"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":73.59,"endTime":78.15,"body":"to the show welcome as well"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":79.05,"endTime":81.72,"body":"thank you s o"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":79.05,"endTime":81.72,"body":"it's lovely to be here thank you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":81.72,"endTime":82.62,"body":"for inviting me"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":83.34,"endTime":87.03,"body":"very welcome, now"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":83.34,"endTime":87.03,"body":"explain to my listeners just a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":87.03,"endTime":88.44,"body":"little bit more about what you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":87.03,"endTime":88.44,"body":"do"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":90.0,"endTime":95.4,"body":"okay so i work"},{"speaker":"Adele 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Ballantyne","startTime":500.13,"endTime":505.71,"body":"discomfort and work out what"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":500.13,"endTime":505.71,"body":"you're going to do about it and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":505.74,"endTime":510.36,"body":"it's those relationships the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":505.74,"endTime":510.36,"body":"managing of the differences you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":510.36,"endTime":514.65,"body":"know we attract the opposite"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":510.36,"endTime":514.65,"body":"that old adage of opposites"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":514.65,"endTime":518.4,"body":"attract is true you know it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":514.65,"endTime":518.4,"body":"got its feet firmly based in"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":518.4,"endTime":522.33,"body":"relationship psychology we go"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":518.4,"endTime":522.33,"body":"for the opposite because we seek"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":522.33,"endTime":526.2,"body":"to make ourselves whole as"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":522.33,"endTime":526.2,"body":"individuals so quite often if we"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":526.2,"endTime":531.15,"body":"come from a family where there"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":526.2,"endTime":531.15,"body":"was nurture if we were upset or"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":531.75,"endTime":535.47,"body":"the boyfriend ditched us you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":531.75,"endTime":535.47,"body":"know we'd have a parent or a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":535.47,"endTime":538.92,"body":"carer there who would say come"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":535.47,"endTime":538.92,"body":"on have a cup of tea tell me"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":538.92,"endTime":542.19,"body":"about it come on it'll be all"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":538.92,"endTime":542.19,"body":"right you know in this that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":542.19,"endTime":545.91,"body":"lovely nurture lots of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":542.19,"endTime":545.91,"body":"conversation chances are you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":545.91,"endTime":550.05,"body":"will pick somebody who comes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":545.91,"endTime":550.05,"body":"from a family who is completely"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":550.05,"endTime":554.58,"body":"opposite to that so the brushes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":550.05,"endTime":554.58,"body":"under the carpet we don't talk"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":554.58,"endTime":558.09,"body":"about anything until all go away"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":554.58,"endTime":558.09,"body":"you know we just have silence"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":558.09,"endTime":561.3,"body":"for a few days and then it's all"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":558.09,"endTime":561.3,"body":"sorted out but with no"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":561.3,"endTime":565.74,"body":"resolution so we tend to pick"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":561.3,"endTime":565.74,"body":"those opposites and that's okay"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":565.95,"endTime":569.52,"body":"that's absolutely fine as long"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":565.95,"endTime":569.52,"body":"as we learn to manage the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":569.52,"endTime":574.5,"body":"difference and managing those"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":569.52,"endTime":574.5,"body":"differences comes with sitting"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":574.53,"endTime":577.92,"body":"in those uncomfortable moments"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":574.53,"endTime":577.92,"body":"and having those courageous"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":577.92,"endTime":581.67,"body":"conversations together all the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":577.92,"endTime":581.67,"body":"flowers the date nights the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":581.67,"endTime":584.4,"body":"chocolates that this that near"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":581.67,"endTime":584.4,"body":"that that's the easy stuff"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":584.4,"endTime":588.66,"body":"that's the icing on the cake the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":584.4,"endTime":588.66,"body":"actual cake structure you know"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":588.81,"endTime":592.47,"body":"and we focus so much on weddings"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":588.81,"endTime":592.47,"body":"now don't miss the wedding is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":592.47,"endTime":595.92,"body":"the big win we don't really talk"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":592.47,"endTime":595.92,"body":"about the marriage or about the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":596.04,"endTime":599.79,"body":"partnership or being in a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":596.04,"endTime":599.79,"body":"committed relationship we don't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":599.79,"endTime":603.45,"body":"talk About that it's about the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":599.79,"endTime":603.45,"body":"day. But it's like a wedding"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":603.45,"endTime":608.7,"body":"cake. That bottom layer needs to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":603.45,"endTime":608.7,"body":"be firm. That's the foundation."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":609.09,"endTime":612.93,"body":"You know, all the other bits are"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":609.09,"endTime":612.93,"body":"the icing the flowers, the, you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":612.93,"endTime":616.29,"body":"know, the butter, cream,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":612.93,"endTime":616.29,"body":"whatever. So it's about that."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":616.95,"endTime":619.08,"body":"Absolutely. I"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":616.95,"endTime":619.08,"body":"couldn't agree more. And I think"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":619.08,"endTime":624.12,"body":"teamwork is really important as"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":619.08,"endTime":624.12,"body":"well as trusts, because I think"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":624.15,"endTime":626.67,"body":"you have to have that level of"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":624.15,"endTime":626.67,"body":"trust to be able to sit down"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":626.67,"endTime":631.65,"body":"with someone and be vulnerable,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":626.67,"endTime":631.65,"body":"which is brave and alpha down"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":631.65,"endTime":633.81,"body":"and say, Look, you know, I want"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":631.65,"endTime":633.81,"body":"to communicate this with you and"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":633.81,"endTime":637.95,"body":"for your partner to take that in"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":633.81,"endTime":637.95,"body":"a way that isn't then becoming"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":637.95,"endTime":641.85,"body":"an aggressive or blame"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":637.95,"endTime":641.85,"body":"situation, I guess, you know,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":642.18,"endTime":646.17,"body":"when relationship trust breaks"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":642.18,"endTime":646.17,"body":"down. So for example, if there's"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":646.17,"endTime":651.09,"body":"infidelity in a relationship"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":646.17,"endTime":651.09,"body":"that can cause obvious issues,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":651.24,"endTime":654.24,"body":"do you think you can recover"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":651.24,"endTime":654.24,"body":"from infidelity?"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":654.78,"endTime":656.97,"body":"I think"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":654.78,"endTime":656.97,"body":"sometimes, sometimes you can."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":656.97,"endTime":660.72,"body":"Sometimes you absolutely can't."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":656.97,"endTime":660.72,"body":"Some of it depends on how your"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":660.72,"endTime":664.29,"body":"relationship was when the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":660.72,"endTime":664.29,"body":"infidelity happens, because"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":664.29,"endTime":668.13,"body":"infidelity doesn't always"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":664.29,"endTime":668.13,"body":"happen. Because somebody wants"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":668.13,"endTime":671.91,"body":"to leave a marriage. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":668.13,"endTime":671.91,"body":"infidelity happens because"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":671.91,"endTime":675.9,"body":"something is not okay. Within"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":671.91,"endTime":675.9,"body":"that marriage. Sometimes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":675.9,"endTime":679.53,"body":"infidelity happens when things"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":675.9,"endTime":679.53,"body":"are okay within the marriage,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":679.62,"endTime":685.47,"body":"but the person who is seeking"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":679.62,"endTime":685.47,"body":"that infidelity is displaying a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":685.47,"endTime":689.22,"body":"part of themselves, that they"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":685.47,"endTime":689.22,"body":"feel that they cannot show,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":689.22,"endTime":692.28,"body":"they're part of their current"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":689.22,"endTime":692.28,"body":"partner. So it's a bit like"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":692.28,"endTime":696.51,"body":"fantasy world where they can"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":692.28,"endTime":696.51,"body":"just go and be that other side"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":696.51,"endTime":699.57,"body":"of themselves that perhaps have"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":696.51,"endTime":699.57,"body":"suppressed because they don't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":699.57,"endTime":702.51,"body":"know how their current partner"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":699.57,"endTime":702.51,"body":"will take that. And that sounds"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":702.51,"endTime":706.32,"body":"really, really complicated. But,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":702.51,"endTime":706.32,"body":"you know, for some, they can"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":706.35,"endTime":709.83,"body":"call it back for others,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":706.35,"endTime":709.83,"body":"absolutely not. And I've set"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":709.83,"endTime":712.14,"body":"I've got a couple at the moment,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":709.83,"endTime":712.14,"body":"I've been working with them for"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":712.14,"endTime":715.44,"body":"a couple of years on and off."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":712.14,"endTime":715.44,"body":"And there have been times"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":715.44,"endTime":720.03,"body":"certainly in the early days,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":715.44,"endTime":720.03,"body":"when I saw know that it's not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":720.03,"endTime":722.97,"body":"going to happen, but they both"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":720.03,"endTime":722.97,"body":"want to try. That was the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":722.97,"endTime":725.82,"body":"difference. They've been"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":722.97,"endTime":725.82,"body":"together a long time. And I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":725.82,"endTime":728.61,"body":"think that's additions as well,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":725.82,"endTime":728.61,"body":"if you've had a relationship"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":728.64,"endTime":733.2,"body":"where you've been together for"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":728.64,"endTime":733.2,"body":"such a long time, maybe a lot of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":733.2,"endTime":737.55,"body":"that has been really, really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":733.2,"endTime":737.55,"body":"good. And maybe it's just"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":737.61,"endTime":742.62,"body":"towards the last few years where"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":737.61,"endTime":742.62,"body":"things have gone awry. And in"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":742.62,"endTime":746.28,"body":"those instances, sometimes it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":742.62,"endTime":746.28,"body":"worth thinking, Well, we've,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":746.34,"endTime":750.36,"body":"we've had all of this That was"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":746.34,"endTime":750.36,"body":"good. We're human beings at the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":750.36,"endTime":754.53,"body":"end of the day, we're not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":750.36,"endTime":754.53,"body":"perfect, we get stuff wrong. And"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":754.56,"endTime":760.5,"body":"it's okay to get stuff wrong. As"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":754.56,"endTime":760.5,"body":"long as what we do next, is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":760.5,"endTime":766.11,"body":"transformational. It defines us,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":760.5,"endTime":766.11,"body":"yes, we've done wrong, but it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":766.11,"endTime":770.67,"body":"what we do next, that defines us"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":766.11,"endTime":770.67,"body":"as a human being, and certainly"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":770.79,"endTime":774.45,"body":"within a relationship as a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":770.79,"endTime":774.45,"body":"partner. It's what we do next."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":776.01,"endTime":778.62,"body":"Now, see, I love"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":776.01,"endTime":778.62,"body":"that what we do next is what"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":778.62,"endTime":782.94,"body":"defines us? Absolutely, I can"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":778.62,"endTime":782.94,"body":"say it better myself. So can it"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":782.94,"endTime":787.74,"body":"work, then if one of you wants"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":782.94,"endTime":787.74,"body":"to get it back on track, and the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":787.74,"endTime":790.92,"body":"other one maybe isn't as"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":787.74,"endTime":790.92,"body":"interested or isn't open to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":790.92,"endTime":793.35,"body":"communicating about it or"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":790.92,"endTime":793.35,"body":"discussing it?"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":794.82,"endTime":797.85,"body":"In my"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":794.82,"endTime":797.85,"body":"experience, no, unless the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":797.85,"endTime":801.69,"body":"couple makes an active choice,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":797.85,"endTime":801.69,"body":"they're just going to have a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":801.69,"endTime":804.93,"body":"friendship, and that will be"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":801.69,"endTime":804.93,"body":"good enough. And many people say"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":804.93,"endTime":808.5,"body":"we need to stay for the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":804.93,"endTime":808.5,"body":"children, I would say not always"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":808.56,"endTime":812.97,"body":"because children pick up, you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":808.56,"endTime":812.97,"body":"know, very, they learned by"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":812.97,"endTime":817.89,"body":"nonverbal communication. If you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":812.97,"endTime":817.89,"body":"are not in it as a couple, if"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":817.89,"endTime":822.15,"body":"you are not connected, if you're"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":817.89,"endTime":822.15,"body":"not really happy together, your"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":822.15,"endTime":826.5,"body":"children will assimilate that."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":822.15,"endTime":826.5,"body":"And just remember, we are"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":826.5,"endTime":831.06,"body":"training the next lot of adults,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":826.5,"endTime":831.06,"body":"the next lot of couples, you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":831.06,"endTime":835.65,"body":"know, in our children, and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":831.06,"endTime":835.65,"body":"they're learning from us all of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":835.65,"endTime":838.89,"body":"the time, they're learning about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":835.65,"endTime":838.89,"body":"what a relationship is what mums"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":838.89,"endTime":844.02,"body":"do what dads do, what mums and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":838.89,"endTime":844.02,"body":"dads do together. And and they"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":844.02,"endTime":847.68,"body":"pick it up very quickly. So I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":844.02,"endTime":847.68,"body":"would say don't always say let's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":847.68,"endTime":850.56,"body":"stay to the children because"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":847.68,"endTime":850.56,"body":"that's not always healthy."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":851.01,"endTime":855.21,"body":"Mostly if one person wants to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":851.01,"endTime":855.21,"body":"mend it, and the other doesn't."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":855.39,"endTime":859.83,"body":"If the other person has"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":855.39,"endTime":859.83,"body":"emotionally left, then in my"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":859.83,"endTime":862.56,"body":"experience they can try and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":859.83,"endTime":862.56,"body":"certainly couples I've had"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":862.56,"endTime":866.88,"body":"you've tried that then come back"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":862.56,"endTime":866.88,"body":"later and said, We just can't it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":866.88,"endTime":868.2,"body":"just isn't working."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":868.619,"endTime":870.929,"body":"I think that's"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":868.619,"endTime":870.929,"body":"interesting, because if you and"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":870.929,"endTime":874.199,"body":"I had a client actually you came"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":870.929,"endTime":874.199,"body":"to visit his wife had given him"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":874.199,"endTime":877.049,"body":"an ultimatum that she was"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":874.199,"endTime":877.049,"body":"actually going to leave once the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":877.049,"endTime":879.959,"body":"kids went off to universities"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":877.049,"endTime":879.959,"body":"that was about three, four"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":879.959,"endTime":884.999,"body":"months away. And she wasn't"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":879.959,"endTime":884.999,"body":"willing to go to couples therapy"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":884.999,"endTime":888.809,"body":"with him. She was done. And so"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":884.999,"endTime":888.809,"body":"he came to see me because I"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":888.809,"endTime":892.769,"body":"don't work with couples. So he"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":888.809,"endTime":892.769,"body":"came to see me and said, you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":892.769,"endTime":897.359,"body":"know what can I do? So we put a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":892.769,"endTime":897.359,"body":"plan together for him to you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":897.359,"endTime":901.769,"body":"know, do his best to save the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":897.359,"endTime":901.769,"body":"relationship. Because I'm a big"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":901.769,"endTime":904.499,"body":"believer of trying everything"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":901.769,"endTime":904.499,"body":"you can, so you leave with no"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":904.499,"endTime":907.529,"body":"regrets. Because if you if you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":904.499,"endTime":907.529,"body":"walk away without doing your"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":907.529,"endTime":910.499,"body":"best, and even if you do your"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":907.529,"endTime":910.499,"body":"best, maybe you find that doing"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":910.499,"endTime":912.599,"body":"your best is just not"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":910.499,"endTime":912.599,"body":"sustainable for you. And you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":912.599,"endTime":915.959,"body":"don't like all the compromises"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":912.599,"endTime":915.959,"body":"or even sacrifices you have to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":915.959,"endTime":920.039,"body":"make to maintain it. But he came"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":915.959,"endTime":920.039,"body":"away and with an action plan,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":920.249,"endTime":925.019,"body":"and started that, and I very"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":920.249,"endTime":925.019,"body":"quickly was, it was so lovely to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":925.019,"endTime":930.509,"body":"see that, because he had stepped"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":925.019,"endTime":930.509,"body":"up, his wife then began to pass"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":930.509,"endTime":934.169,"body":"out. So I guess in that"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":930.509,"endTime":934.169,"body":"situation, if that happens, then"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":934.199,"endTime":936.119,"body":"then they went to couples"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":934.199,"endTime":936.119,"body":"therapy, and they're still"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":936.119,"endTime":939.509,"body":"together now. So that's a lovely"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":936.119,"endTime":939.509,"body":"story. I guess it doesn't always"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":939.509,"endTime":944.189,"body":"happen that way. But sometimes,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":939.509,"endTime":944.189,"body":"you stepping up and making those"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":944.189,"endTime":946.379,"body":"changes can encourage your"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":944.189,"endTime":946.379,"body":"partner, right."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":946.62,"endTime":949.47,"body":"And it could"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":946.62,"endTime":949.47,"body":"be absolutely sorry. And I think"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":949.47,"endTime":955.29,"body":"that, you know, it could be that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":949.47,"endTime":955.29,"body":"his partner had been trying for"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":955.29,"endTime":960.42,"body":"a long time to help him stack"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":955.29,"endTime":960.42,"body":"up. And it had fallen on deaf"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":960.42,"endTime":964.8,"body":"ears that happens such a lot."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":960.42,"endTime":964.8,"body":"And, you know, we get worn out"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":964.8,"endTime":967.74,"body":"by that when we've been trying"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":964.8,"endTime":967.74,"body":"and trying and trying and it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":967.74,"endTime":970.65,"body":"changes for a bit and then it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":967.74,"endTime":970.65,"body":"goes back to how it was. And I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":970.65,"endTime":976.53,"body":"really wish people would seek"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":970.65,"endTime":976.53,"body":"help. sooner. Many people come"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":976.53,"endTime":981.78,"body":"see me as a last ditch attempt"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":976.53,"endTime":981.78,"body":"to try and salvage something, I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":981.78,"endTime":987.09,"body":"would say, you know, come as"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":981.78,"endTime":987.09,"body":"soon as you start to experience"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":987.09,"endTime":990.72,"body":"any difficulties, you get to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":987.09,"endTime":990.72,"body":"fake, you know, and you can feel"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":990.72,"endTime":994.5,"body":"it and you think, gosh, that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":990.72,"endTime":994.5,"body":"that doesn't feel very good. You"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":994.5,"endTime":996.84,"body":"know, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":994.5,"endTime":996.84,"body":"take some painkillers, if it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":996.84,"endTime":1000.38,"body":"gets better. 24 hours, no, it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":996.84,"endTime":1000.38,"body":"getting worse, I'm gonna go to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1000.38,"endTime":1004.82,"body":"the dentist, and you see your"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1000.38,"endTime":1004.82,"body":"dentist and then he'll she he"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1004.82,"endTime":1008.93,"body":"will fix it. And you've kept the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1004.82,"endTime":1008.93,"body":"tooth, the tooth stays healthy."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1009.41,"endTime":1012.35,"body":"If you left it and left it and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1009.41,"endTime":1012.35,"body":"left it, you'll be in a lot of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1012.35,"endTime":1016.73,"body":"pain and the tooth crumbles way"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1012.35,"endTime":1016.73,"body":"therapists coaches, you know,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1016.76,"endTime":1021.08,"body":"we're here to help, we're here"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1016.76,"endTime":1021.08,"body":"to say, don't come when it's at"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1021.08,"endTime":1025.37,"body":"its absolute end come sooner."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1021.08,"endTime":1025.37,"body":"I've had couples come to see me"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1025.61,"endTime":1028.85,"body":"week after they got married. You"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1025.61,"endTime":1028.85,"body":"know, I've had people come"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1028.85,"endTime":1032.6,"body":"before they get married. Look,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1028.85,"endTime":1032.6,"body":"we just want to get a few things"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1032.6,"endTime":1035.6,"body":"sorted, you know, because we"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1032.6,"endTime":1035.6,"body":"want to make this as good as we"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1035.6,"endTime":1040.28,"body":"can. Excellent. I love that."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1035.6,"endTime":1040.28,"body":"Because we can talk about the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1040.28,"endTime":1044.39,"body":"main things that potentially for"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1040.28,"endTime":1044.39,"body":"them as a couple are, are going"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1044.39,"endTime":1048.47,"body":"to be difficult, extended family"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1044.39,"endTime":1048.47,"body":"being one of them, you know,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1048.5,"endTime":1052.91,"body":"sons who perhaps have quite"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1048.5,"endTime":1052.91,"body":"domineering mums, and who are"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1052.91,"endTime":1056.69,"body":"struggling to let that son move"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1052.91,"endTime":1056.69,"body":"away and form a couple"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1056.69,"endTime":1060.89,"body":"relationship which takes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1056.69,"endTime":1060.89,"body":"priority over his former"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1060.89,"endTime":1065.81,"body":"relationship with that month. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1060.89,"endTime":1065.81,"body":"I think if people could come"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1065.81,"endTime":1070.1,"body":"sooner, that would be so so"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1065.81,"endTime":1070.1,"body":"helpful, because like your"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1070.1,"endTime":1076.13,"body":"clients, so are, you know, he"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1070.1,"endTime":1076.13,"body":"realized that it was about to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1076.13,"endTime":1080.21,"body":"end. So it became critical to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1076.13,"endTime":1080.21,"body":"him. It would be lovely if it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1080.27,"endTime":1082.4,"body":"became more important sooner."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1082.97,"endTime":1084.62,"body":"Well, that's very"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1082.97,"endTime":1084.62,"body":"perceptive, because actually,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1084.62,"endTime":1087.41,"body":"that's exactly what happened."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1084.62,"endTime":1087.41,"body":"Adele, she phoned me up, she"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1087.41,"endTime":1090.32,"body":"asked if she could speak to me."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1087.41,"endTime":1090.32,"body":"And she said, I don't know how"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1090.32,"endTime":1092.66,"body":"you've done it. Because I've"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1090.32,"endTime":1092.66,"body":"been asking him to do these"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1092.66,"endTime":1095.99,"body":"things. For so long that"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1092.66,"endTime":1095.99,"body":"actually I was at my wit's end."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1096.26,"endTime":1099.47,"body":"But somehow, the way you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1096.26,"endTime":1099.47,"body":"communicated it, Jim has"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1099.47,"endTime":1102.68,"body":"actually gone in, and he's now"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1099.47,"endTime":1102.68,"body":"doing these things. So, you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1102.68,"endTime":1108.08,"body":"know, so it was actually exactly"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1102.68,"endTime":1108.08,"body":"that. So yeah, spot on. So those"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1108.08,"endTime":1112.04,"body":"of my listeners listening right"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1108.08,"endTime":1112.04,"body":"now who are thinking, Well, my"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1112.04,"endTime":1115.94,"body":"relationship is on the rocks."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1112.04,"endTime":1115.94,"body":"And I know for some of my"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1115.94,"endTime":1118.4,"body":"clients at the moment, their"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1115.94,"endTime":1118.4,"body":"relationship would most"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1118.4,"endTime":1121.49,"body":"certainly have lasted the test"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1118.4,"endTime":1121.49,"body":"of time if it hadn't been for"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1121.49,"endTime":1124.55,"body":"COVID. And being forced together"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1121.49,"endTime":1124.55,"body":"for that amount of time because"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1124.55,"endTime":1127.79,"body":"it, it does change the dynamic"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1124.55,"endTime":1127.79,"body":"if you're used to leading quite"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1127.79,"endTime":1131.06,"body":"independent lives, and now you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1127.79,"endTime":1131.06,"body":"can't that can shift the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1131.06,"endTime":1134.63,"body":"dynamic, which then can have a"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1131.06,"endTime":1134.63,"body":"negative impact on it. So what"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1134.63,"endTime":1139.04,"body":"are your top tips for improving"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1134.63,"endTime":1139.04,"body":"your relationship if you think"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1139.04,"endTime":1141.71,"body":"your relationship is heading"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1139.04,"endTime":1141.71,"body":"for, you know, a breakup?"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1141.96,"endTime":1144.54,"body":"Okay, I would"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1141.96,"endTime":1144.54,"body":"say the first thing is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1144.54,"endTime":1150.15,"body":"communication. It's absolutely"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1144.54,"endTime":1150.15,"body":"key. We have many conversations"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1150.15,"endTime":1152.19,"body":"throughout the course of the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1150.15,"endTime":1152.19,"body":"day. And certainly since the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1152.19,"endTime":1155.97,"body":"pandemic, when we've all been"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1152.19,"endTime":1155.97,"body":"living very unusually, we're not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1155.97,"endTime":1159.51,"body":"used to spending this much time"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1155.97,"endTime":1159.51,"body":"together. Weekends are about the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1159.51,"endTime":1162.87,"body":"longest or two weeks holiday and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1159.51,"endTime":1162.87,"body":"the rest of the time. We're away"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1162.87,"endTime":1168.63,"body":"in the home in the evening or"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1162.87,"endTime":1168.63,"body":"however your life works. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1168.99,"endTime":1171.12,"body":"communication is really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1168.99,"endTime":1171.12,"body":"important. We have many"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1171.12,"endTime":1175.2,"body":"conversations, but we don't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1171.12,"endTime":1175.2,"body":"always know what we're talking"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1175.2,"endTime":1180.78,"body":"about. So communicating in a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1175.2,"endTime":1180.78,"body":"clear way, so that we are fully"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1180.78,"endTime":1185.13,"body":"understanding what our partner"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1180.78,"endTime":1185.13,"body":"is saying to us and what that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1185.13,"endTime":1190.83,"body":"means for them. That's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1185.13,"endTime":1190.83,"body":"important. We come with lots of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1190.83,"endTime":1194.64,"body":"assumptions and expectations"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1190.83,"endTime":1194.64,"body":"when we form a partnership with"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1194.64,"endTime":1199.56,"body":"somebody and they are based"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1194.64,"endTime":1199.56,"body":"firmly on our own experiences"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1199.56,"endTime":1206.1,"body":"growing up. So if if you have a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1199.56,"endTime":1206.1,"body":"client who says, All I wanted"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1206.16,"endTime":1211.14,"body":"was support, you know, my family"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1206.16,"endTime":1211.14,"body":"member died, I was really lost."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1211.17,"endTime":1214.68,"body":"I just needed some support, and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1211.17,"endTime":1214.68,"body":"you didn't give me any support."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1214.95,"endTime":1218.94,"body":"I hear that a lot. So I asked"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1214.95,"endTime":1218.94,"body":"them, Well, what does support"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1218.94,"endTime":1222.51,"body":"look like? What was it that you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1218.94,"endTime":1222.51,"body":"wanted? In that moment? You"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1222.51,"endTime":1225.78,"body":"know, quite often it's something"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1222.51,"endTime":1225.78,"body":"like just some space a hug."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1226.35,"endTime":1230.52,"body":"Just, you know, are you okay? Is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1226.35,"endTime":1230.52,"body":"there anything I can do to help"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1231.12,"endTime":1234.78,"body":"you now and quite often, what I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1231.12,"endTime":1234.78,"body":"hear from the other partner is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1234.81,"endTime":1238.14,"body":"that I emptied the dishwasher,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1234.81,"endTime":1238.14,"body":"I, I did the food shopping, I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1238.14,"endTime":1241.68,"body":"cooked every night, I took the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1238.14,"endTime":1241.68,"body":"kids off your hand, you know."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1241.92,"endTime":1248.79,"body":"And so it was mal aligned, their"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1241.92,"endTime":1248.79,"body":"ideas of support were different."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1249.12,"endTime":1255.6,"body":"And so whenever your ideas about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1249.12,"endTime":1255.6,"body":"love, support, Mum, what mums do"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1255.6,"endTime":1259.59,"body":"what dads do, all of those that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1255.6,"endTime":1259.59,"body":"we have assumptions and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1259.59,"endTime":1263.22,"body":"expectations about those things."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1259.59,"endTime":1263.22,"body":"So while ever, we don't know"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1263.22,"endTime":1267.36,"body":"what they are in each other,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1263.22,"endTime":1267.36,"body":"there's a very good chance we're"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1267.36,"endTime":1272.04,"body":"going to get those wrong. That's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1267.36,"endTime":1272.04,"body":"a majority of the stuff that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1272.04,"endTime":1277.86,"body":"goes on. Is that mal alignment"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1272.04,"endTime":1277.86,"body":"of our ideas about how we should"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1277.86,"endTime":1282.69,"body":"be supported how we shouldn't be"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1277.86,"endTime":1282.69,"body":"loved? So I think understanding"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1282.69,"endTime":1286.35,"body":"what we mean by words is really,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1282.69,"endTime":1286.35,"body":"really important. It sounds"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1286.35,"endTime":1289.89,"body":"laborious. Well, we've got to do"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1286.35,"endTime":1289.89,"body":"we have to have a conversation"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1289.89,"endTime":1292.86,"body":"about support? Well, yeah,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1289.89,"endTime":1292.86,"body":"because it's no good. Just"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1292.86,"endTime":1296.85,"body":"saying you should know what that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1292.86,"endTime":1296.85,"body":"look means. Watch. No, no,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1296.85,"endTime":1299.94,"body":"nothing. Nothing's the problem."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1296.85,"endTime":1299.94,"body":"Nothing's wrong with me. Why are"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1299.94,"endTime":1303.27,"body":"you asking if anything's wrong"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1299.94,"endTime":1303.27,"body":"with me? Evidently Something"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1303.27,"endTime":1306.39,"body":"wrong? Why aren't you sharing"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1303.27,"endTime":1306.39,"body":"that? Yes, there is something"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1306.39,"endTime":1310.56,"body":"wrong, being brave, being brave"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1306.39,"endTime":1310.56,"body":"in your relationship to be able,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1310.62,"endTime":1313.47,"body":"again, it's back to those"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1310.62,"endTime":1313.47,"body":"uncomfortable conversations,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1313.74,"endTime":1317.31,"body":"being able to say, Do you know"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1313.74,"endTime":1317.31,"body":"when that happened, it made me"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1317.31,"endTime":1321.78,"body":"feel like this. And I'm really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1317.31,"endTime":1321.78,"body":"upset about that. Or I'm really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1321.81,"endTime":1325.8,"body":"angry when you did that. I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1321.81,"endTime":1325.8,"body":"wasn't expecting that. And it"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1325.8,"endTime":1330.72,"body":"hurt me. Because in that moment,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1325.8,"endTime":1330.72,"body":"when you profess What's wrong,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1331.14,"endTime":1335.37,"body":"your partner has an opportunity"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1331.14,"endTime":1335.37,"body":"to be brave, and to stand up and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1335.37,"endTime":1338.76,"body":"say, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1335.37,"endTime":1338.76,"body":"hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1338.76,"endTime":1342.36,"body":"mean to make you feel like that."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1338.76,"endTime":1342.36,"body":"If we can have those"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1342.36,"endTime":1346.98,"body":"conversations together. It's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1342.36,"endTime":1346.98,"body":"vital. not judging in the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1346.98,"endTime":1351.81,"body":"moment, you know, having the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1346.98,"endTime":1351.81,"body":"idea that the person who does"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1351.81,"endTime":1356.73,"body":"something, even if it's you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1351.81,"endTime":1356.73,"body":"stand them thing. Earth made"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1356.73,"endTime":1359.97,"body":"them do that what on earth made"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1356.73,"endTime":1359.97,"body":"them think that that would be"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1359.97,"endTime":1363.69,"body":"something I liked, but not to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1359.97,"endTime":1363.69,"body":"judge in the moment, but to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1363.69,"endTime":1368.31,"body":"think, well, they love me. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1363.69,"endTime":1368.31,"body":"it's may be coming with best"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1368.31,"endTime":1372.75,"body":"intentions, but it's just not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1368.31,"endTime":1372.75,"body":"come out, right? So not judging"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1372.75,"endTime":1375.45,"body":"in the moment say, oh, gosh,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1372.75,"endTime":1375.45,"body":"that was interesting. I wasn't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1375.45,"endTime":1380.58,"body":"expecting that. And what made"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1375.45,"endTime":1380.58,"body":"you do that it wasn't quite"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1380.58,"endTime":1384.48,"body":"right for me. We're not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1380.58,"endTime":1384.48,"body":"telepathic, we are not mind"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1384.48,"endTime":1389.28,"body":"reader's, we cannot know what is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1384.48,"endTime":1389.28,"body":"in our heads and less we empty"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1389.28,"endTime":1396.57,"body":"our heads to each other, in a,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1389.28,"endTime":1396.57,"body":"in an atmosphere of no blame of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1396.6,"endTime":1401.97,"body":"non judgment and feeling that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1396.6,"endTime":1401.97,"body":"our partners lovers so that it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1401.97,"endTime":1406.14,"body":"done with best intention. When"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1401.97,"endTime":1406.14,"body":"learning a relationship is an"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1406.17,"endTime":1411.63,"body":"evolutionary process, we get"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1406.17,"endTime":1411.63,"body":"together, and it continues to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1411.63,"endTime":1417.0,"body":"move and change as life moves"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1411.63,"endTime":1417.0,"body":"and changes with us. If we are"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1417.0,"endTime":1421.65,"body":"wanting to be right back as to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1417.0,"endTime":1421.65,"body":"how we were when we first met,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1421.92,"endTime":1423.21,"body":"that's never going to happen."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1423.63,"endTime":1425.31,"body":"I'm sure people"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1423.63,"endTime":1425.31,"body":"are listening that, gosh, this"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1425.31,"endTime":1429.03,"body":"is amazing. But I just don't"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1425.31,"endTime":1429.03,"body":"know how to approach my partner"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1429.03,"endTime":1432.27,"body":"to have that initial"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1429.03,"endTime":1432.27,"body":"conversation, maybe it's a bit"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1432.27,"endTime":1435.6,"body":"of a change of tack for you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1432.27,"endTime":1435.6,"body":"wouldn't normally have done it,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1435.6,"endTime":1438.21,"body":"maybe you're sort of going at"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1435.6,"endTime":1438.21,"body":"each other and the relationships"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1438.24,"endTime":1441.93,"body":"are so frayed at the moment,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1438.24,"endTime":1441.93,"body":"like you're nervous of the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1441.93,"endTime":1444.84,"body":"response you're going to get"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1441.93,"endTime":1444.84,"body":"from your partner just to to to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1444.84,"endTime":1449.28,"body":"create that safe space. How do"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1444.84,"endTime":1449.28,"body":"you suggest that people you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1449.28,"endTime":1452.85,"body":"know, broach that topic with"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1449.28,"endTime":1452.85,"body":"their partner and set that"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1452.88,"endTime":1455.07,"body":"conversation up that initial"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1452.88,"endTime":1455.07,"body":"discussion,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1455.329,"endTime":1457.459,"body":"I think you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1455.329,"endTime":1457.459,"body":"have to set the scene, I think"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1457.459,"endTime":1462.649,"body":"it's choosing a time that is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1457.459,"endTime":1462.649,"body":"available to you. It's been very"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1462.649,"endTime":1465.799,"body":"hard for a lot of couples to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1462.649,"endTime":1465.799,"body":"have important conversations"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1466.099,"endTime":1468.559,"body":"during the pandemic because the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1466.099,"endTime":1468.559,"body":"kids have been around and that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1468.559,"endTime":1472.369,"body":"makes it really difficult. But"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1468.559,"endTime":1472.369,"body":"in non pandemic times, what I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1472.369,"endTime":1476.719,"body":"would say is, make it a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1472.369,"endTime":1476.719,"body":"priority, make it important and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1476.749,"endTime":1480.469,"body":"help your partner to understand"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1476.749,"endTime":1480.469,"body":"that you need to talk about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1480.469,"endTime":1483.349,"body":"something important. So a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1480.469,"endTime":1483.349,"body":"conversation might go something"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1483.349,"endTime":1488.899,"body":"like you know, I've noticed that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1483.349,"endTime":1488.899,"body":"over the last month so you know"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1488.899,"endTime":1493.189,"body":"years, we've we've not been"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1488.899,"endTime":1493.189,"body":"together like we used to be and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1493.219,"endTime":1497.119,"body":"I'm just wondering, you know"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1493.219,"endTime":1497.119,"body":"what's going on. I would really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1497.119,"endTime":1501.769,"body":"really like to have an"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1497.119,"endTime":1501.769,"body":"opportunity In a very calm way"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1501.769,"endTime":1505.099,"body":"not to be shouting, not to be"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1501.769,"endTime":1505.099,"body":"blaming, but just to be able to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1505.099,"endTime":1509.569,"body":"sit together and talk about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1505.099,"endTime":1509.569,"body":"this, because I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1509.569,"endTime":1513.169,"body":"will happen to us if this"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1509.569,"endTime":1513.169,"body":"continues. And it would be"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1513.169,"endTime":1516.709,"body":"lovely to be able to sit down"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1513.169,"endTime":1516.709,"body":"and make some time to talk about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1516.709,"endTime":1521.089,"body":"it. And then make that time, you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1516.709,"endTime":1521.089,"body":"know, and it might be the first"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1521.089,"endTime":1524.119,"body":"time you broach that subject"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1521.089,"endTime":1524.119,"body":"Your pardon my God, I haven't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1524.119,"endTime":1528.499,"body":"got time for this. So then, you"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1524.119,"endTime":1528.499,"body":"know, okay, so if you haven't"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1528.499,"endTime":1532.699,"body":"got time now, would you like"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1528.499,"endTime":1532.699,"body":"some time is our relationship"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1532.699,"endTime":1538.099,"body":"important? I know it's scary."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1532.699,"endTime":1538.099,"body":"You say what it is, make that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1538.099,"endTime":1542.809,"body":"elephant in the room, become not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1538.099,"endTime":1542.809,"body":"an elephant in the room, make"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1542.809,"endTime":1546.799,"body":"it, you know, go away and say,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1542.809,"endTime":1546.799,"body":"Look, let's put the elephant"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1546.799,"endTime":1550.159,"body":"somewhere else. And let's put"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1546.799,"endTime":1550.159,"body":"what matters on the table."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1550.279,"endTime":1553.819,"body":"Sometimes writing things down is"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1550.279,"endTime":1553.819,"body":"quite helpful. I had a couple"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1553.819,"endTime":1558.169,"body":"once who wrote letters to each"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1553.819,"endTime":1558.169,"body":"other, because they found that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1558.169,"endTime":1561.409,"body":"first conversation really"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1558.169,"endTime":1561.409,"body":"difficult to set together and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1561.409,"endTime":1565.369,"body":"have that so so they wrote a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1561.409,"endTime":1565.369,"body":"letter to each other. And that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1565.369,"endTime":1568.519,"body":"was really nice, actually,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1565.369,"endTime":1568.519,"body":"because they learned so much. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1568.759,"endTime":1571.699,"body":"I didn't know you felt like"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1568.759,"endTime":1571.699,"body":"that. I didn't know that that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1571.699,"endTime":1576.229,"body":"annoyed you so much. And so they"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1571.699,"endTime":1576.229,"body":"could then they swapped, read"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1576.259,"endTime":1580.369,"body":"had time to assimilate the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1576.259,"endTime":1580.369,"body":"information. And then they they"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1580.369,"endTime":1584.629,"body":"had a conversation that went"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1580.369,"endTime":1584.629,"body":"really, really well. It's about"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1584.989,"endTime":1590.029,"body":"being brave, being brave to have"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1584.989,"endTime":1590.029,"body":"that conversation. And to not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1590.059,"endTime":1595.159,"body":"one of the easiest ways to not"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1590.059,"endTime":1595.159,"body":"put somebody into a defensive"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1595.159,"endTime":1598.549,"body":"mood, when you're having a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1595.159,"endTime":1598.549,"body":"conversation is always to use a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1598.549,"endTime":1601.969,"body":"nice statement. So own your own"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1598.549,"endTime":1601.969,"body":"feelings. Particularly if we've"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1601.969,"endTime":1604.189,"body":"been in a relationship for a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1601.969,"endTime":1604.189,"body":"long time. We tend to use the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1604.189,"endTime":1608.569,"body":"way we always do this, we always"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1604.189,"endTime":1608.569,"body":"do that. We think this, we think"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1608.569,"endTime":1615.049,"body":"that the we probably don't. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1608.569,"endTime":1615.049,"body":"it's important that we speak for"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1615.109,"endTime":1620.389,"body":"ourselves. First and foremost, I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1615.109,"endTime":1620.389,"body":"think, I feel I'm upset at the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1620.389,"endTime":1624.439,"body":"moment. I'm worried. I'm worried"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1620.389,"endTime":1624.439,"body":"about us at the moment, I'm"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1624.439,"endTime":1628.999,"body":"noticing that we you know, we"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1624.439,"endTime":1628.999,"body":"don't laugh anymore together. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1628.999,"endTime":1632.389,"body":"many couples don't have fun"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1628.999,"endTime":1632.389,"body":"anymore. Now, that's one of the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1632.389,"endTime":1635.509,"body":"questions I asked him, What do"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1632.389,"endTime":1635.509,"body":"you do for fun? Just YouTube,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1635.539,"endTime":1638.359,"body":"not with the family, not with"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1635.539,"endTime":1638.359,"body":"anybody else? What do you do?"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1639.139,"endTime":1643.669,"body":"Often like a tumbleweed moment"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1639.139,"endTime":1643.669,"body":"of silence? Yeah, it's"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1643.67,"endTime":1645.83,"body":"amazing how that"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1643.67,"endTime":1645.83,"body":"happens. I think that's, that's"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1645.83,"endTime":1648.53,"body":"really good advice at all."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1645.83,"endTime":1648.53,"body":"Because, you know, creating that"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1648.53,"endTime":1651.98,"body":"safe space will enable you"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1648.53,"endTime":1651.98,"body":"potentially to make some good"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1651.98,"endTime":1655.85,"body":"progress. And I guess it's about"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1651.98,"endTime":1655.85,"body":"being vulnerable yourself and"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1655.85,"endTime":1658.94,"body":"putting yourself out there to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1655.85,"endTime":1658.94,"body":"ask knowing that you may well"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1658.94,"endTime":1662.63,"body":"get rejected, I guess we do have"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1658.94,"endTime":1662.63,"body":"to carry out that that it has to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1662.63,"endTime":1666.05,"body":"be safe to do so this is not an"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1662.63,"endTime":1666.05,"body":"approach that works in abusive"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1666.05,"endTime":1668.15,"body":"relationships, toxic"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1666.05,"endTime":1668.15,"body":"relationships?"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1668.9,"endTime":1671.66,"body":"No, definitely"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1668.9,"endTime":1671.66,"body":"not. Definitely not. And I think"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1671.9,"endTime":1674.45,"body":"you know, when you've been in a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1671.9,"endTime":1674.45,"body":"relationship where you've been"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1674.45,"endTime":1678.2,"body":"rejected quite a few times"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1674.45,"endTime":1678.2,"body":"anyway, especially around areas"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1678.2,"endTime":1681.53,"body":"of intimacy, because what can"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1678.2,"endTime":1681.53,"body":"happen is, if couples stop"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1681.53,"endTime":1686.3,"body":"having sex together, then what"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1681.53,"endTime":1686.3,"body":"happens is, the other tactile"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1686.3,"endTime":1690.62,"body":"stuff tends to go, because their"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1686.3,"endTime":1690.62,"body":"bear suddenly becomes a lot of"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1690.62,"endTime":1694.01,"body":"pressure, you know, there's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1690.62,"endTime":1694.01,"body":"worry that holding hands or a"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1694.01,"endTime":1696.62,"body":"kiss will lead to sex. And if"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1694.01,"endTime":1696.62,"body":"they're not wanting sex at the"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1696.62,"endTime":1699.35,"body":"moment, they stop kissing and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1696.62,"endTime":1699.35,"body":"holding hands, because that"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1699.35,"endTime":1701.9,"body":"means that there's no"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1699.35,"endTime":1701.9,"body":"possibility of getting there. So"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1702.11,"endTime":1705.32,"body":"we create lots of little"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1702.11,"endTime":1705.32,"body":"behaviors like that feedback"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1705.32,"endTime":1709.07,"body":"loops, if you like, for every"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1705.32,"endTime":1709.07,"body":"action, there is a reaction, and"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1709.07,"endTime":1712.55,"body":"whether that's a verbal action"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1709.07,"endTime":1712.55,"body":"and reaction or whether it's"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1712.55,"endTime":1717.17,"body":"nonverbal. It's still going on,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1712.55,"endTime":1717.17,"body":"and we build up these little"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1717.2,"endTime":1722.66,"body":"feedback loops of behavior. And"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1717.2,"endTime":1722.66,"body":"that's why when we argue a lot,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1724.94,"endTime":1728.63,"body":"we get so well practiced at it,"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1724.94,"endTime":1728.63,"body":"because we've done it so many"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1728.66,"endTime":1732.71,"body":"times before, you say that, I"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1728.66,"endTime":1732.71,"body":"say that you say that, I say"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1732.71,"endTime":1735.71,"body":"that. And bang, we're in an"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1732.71,"endTime":1735.71,"body":"argument. And it can be over"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1735.71,"endTime":1741.02,"body":"anything. That's pots, wooden"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1735.71,"endTime":1741.02,"body":"spoons, dishwashers, whatever."},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1741.56,"endTime":1746.21,"body":"But we learn how to do that. And"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1741.56,"endTime":1746.21,"body":"we only have to change one thing"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1746.54,"endTime":1750.26,"body":"out of that feedback loop to"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1746.54,"endTime":1750.26,"body":"make it different. And sometimes"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1750.41,"endTime":1754.19,"body":"changing that one thing might"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1750.41,"endTime":1754.19,"body":"mean, not saying anything, where"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1754.19,"endTime":1758.81,"body":"you normally would say"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1754.19,"endTime":1758.81,"body":"something. listening, and asking"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1758.81,"endTime":1762.71,"body":"questions, rather than making"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1758.81,"endTime":1762.71,"body":"statements can change the whole"},{"speaker":"Adele Ballantyne","startTime":1762.71,"endTime":1763.43,"body":"dynamic."},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1765.26,"endTime":1768.8,"body":"Not really good"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1765.26,"endTime":1768.8,"body":"to, I think, yeah, that that is"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1768.83,"endTime":1772.28,"body":"interesting, because when you're"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1768.83,"endTime":1772.28,"body":"going through a divorce, and it"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1772.28,"endTime":1775.49,"body":"can be high conflict at times,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1772.28,"endTime":1775.49,"body":"and there's children involved,"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1775.67,"endTime":1778.49,"body":"you know, really being able to"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1775.67,"endTime":1778.49,"body":"sort of hold back on the"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1778.49,"endTime":1782.42,"body":"arguments in front of the kids"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1778.49,"endTime":1782.42,"body":"to you know, protect them from"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1782.42,"endTime":1785.33,"body":"what's going on. So you at least"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1782.42,"endTime":1785.33,"body":"have a chance to resolve it"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1785.33,"endTime":1788.75,"body":"without their involvement is"},{"speaker":"Sara Davison","startTime":1785.33,"endTime":1788.75,"body":"really important."}]}