The Iron Table
The Iron Table
Don't Move
What does a man truly need to feel ready for intimacy as he ages? The Iron Table dives headfirst into this vulnerable territory, exploring the profound shift that occurs in men's emotional and physical needs after 40.
The conversation begins with a candid examination of the Shannon Sharp controversy, using it as a springboard to discuss why successful men sometimes risk everything for relationships with much younger women. The hosts suggest this behavior often stems from an internal void that men are desperately trying to fill, sometimes at the cost of their reputation and peace.
As the discussion evolves, the group tackles a reality rarely addressed in public forums: how men's need for emotional connection increases with age. The days of purely physical intimacy fade as men discover they need to feel heard, appreciated, and understood before they can be physically present. "I never thought I would hear myself say, 'No, I need to talk about this first,'" one host admits, capturing this transformation perfectly.
The podcast explores how communication styles significantly impact intimacy, particularly when women use "absolutes" like "you never" or "you always" during conflicts. The hosts share practical strategies for men to avoid emotional reactivity and maintain their equilibrium when faced with triggering statements from their partners. They also discuss society's shifting expectations around physical intimacy, with men now feeling increased pressure to prioritize their partner's satisfaction.
Whether you're struggling with changing emotional needs, curious about how other men navigate these waters, or simply want to understand the male perspective better, this episode offers honest, sometimes humorous, and always thoughtful insights. Join us for a conversation that normalizes men's emotional evolution and offers pathways to deeper connection.
Ready to gain a new perspective on male intimacy? Listen now and discover what men really need beneath the surface.
Welcome to the iron table, where iron sharpens iron. So should men sharpen men. I'm your host, bryant, and I'm joined by my boys, keith, danny and Steve. We are bringing you truth with a side of humor loaded with accountability and thought. We now bring you to our program already in progress. All right, good evening and welcome to the Iron Table, where iron sharpens iron. So should men sharpen men. As you heard, I'm Brian. Brought to the table again are our regulars Keith, danny and Steve.
Speaker 2:Of course we're going to bring some truth, but before we get into that, let's just go ahead and do the housekeeping stuff so we can get out of here. So the music that we use, we don't own it. We appreciate it. It is an ode to a great man and we are only using his music to acknowledge his greatness. And any music that we use, we are appreciative of it and recognize it as a gift. As always, you can find us if you're watching YouTube. You can also find the audio version on Google Podcasts, apple Podcasts, apple Music and Spotify and any other major platforms, and, if you so happen to, you can also go online and find us at irontablebloodsproutscom.
Speaker 2:All right, as always, it's been a while. I think it's been about two weeks. We are oh, keith, done, turned off the lights. It's not that time just yet, but we are. We're a little off schedule. It's a Friday, normally record on Sunday, but you know scheduling, we had to move some stuff around. So before we get into today's topic, I'm just going to ask the brothers like how was your week, how was the last two weeks? Or just how was today? If you can't even move, can't even think that far back. So whoever wants to start, let's go ahead and start.
Speaker 3:I'll say I was the last I was gone the longest. One thing I'm excited about is my daughter. Next week this time, I'll be in florida. She'll be graduating with her undergraduate degree, on her way to becoming a dentist, and so she called me yesterday saying she finished her last final. I was like let's go. I'm really proud of my baby girl Cool man, that is what's up.
Speaker 2:That means you're going to get some free dental work, right.
Speaker 3:I'm not going nowhere else.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm talking about. Keep it in the family.
Speaker 1:Alright, what's?
Speaker 2:next.
Speaker 1:Is she off her play on for discounts? Alright, what's next? I keep it simple. Nothing much has been going on. Just still staying blessed. Staying blessed, it's been cool. I was going to say the same thing on just still staying blessed. Staying blessed, it's been cool. I was going to say the same thing, just blessed. The Lord is good every day. Bless the highly favored.
Speaker 2:I'm thankful to still be working in this federal environment. What's interesting and I was telling my wife this afternoon and y'all might be able to chime on this we got fish and one of the fish is pregnant. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fish was thin, now the fish is swole, and we looked it up and the fish is pregnant.
Speaker 1:How do you know it's not?
Speaker 2:thyroid. There's another fish in there and we it might be mixed, because we got blue fish that's transparent to blue, they're transparent to um black fish, they're called black mollies and then we actually had two transparent, but the transparent ones died, but ones died. One of the blue ones is pregnant. At any point in time there may be some little fish.
Speaker 3:Perhaps they don't use protection.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was trying to figure out Did these fish get a little? Did they have a good connection at night or something? Because we were using pellets first and then I switched over to fish flakes and I was like, are these fish flakes?
Speaker 3:You was playing that Marvin Gaye with me. He said let's get on.
Speaker 2:Not that loud. The fish tank was on the other side of the house.
Speaker 1:Fish flakes had some yohimbe in it didn't it.
Speaker 2:We'll be the. I don't know if people call them grandparents, but we might have a. It'll be a school in there at some point. I'll keep y'all updated. I'm hoping I'm not around when it happens. I just walk past like, oh, I guess it just happened, cool, cool, okay. Well, today I don't know if y'all have seen kind of in the recent news, the whole Shannon Sharp thing I'm thinking about our ages For those who have not, which is interesting. If you have not heard what's going on, I'm going to try to sum it up and use the word alleged is suing um, shannon sharp, the former nfl, uh, tight end, currently a tv personality, uh, with espn, and also the main, the host for a club, shea, shea. And then I think he has another podcast with was it chad ochocinco?
Speaker 2:um apparently he's being sued uh for uh I don't want to say alleged sex crimes. Let me make sure I say that alleged sex crimes with a lady that is less than half his age and she's going after. I think he just signed a hundred million dollar contract with ESPN and he of course he has other endorsements from his other ventures. She's suing for $50 million.
Speaker 2:At this point. Allegedly there has been a release of some text messages. Allegedly there is a tape of some text messages. Allegedly there is a tape and it just had me thinking. I'm like he's definitely older than us, but why is it I'm going to put this here? What are some of the reasons a man would seek the comfort of a younger woman?
Speaker 1:Wait a minute, I'm missing part of the story. No, because, yeah, because I, you know, over the week, the weeks or weeks or whatever it is, I saw the couple of pictures of what was going on. I didn't even bother to read into what actually happened because it's you know, it's going to happen again. But what's the alleged sex crime If you're saying there's text messages and videos? They're not talking about that he raped or anything like that do they?
Speaker 2:Allegedly. Make sure we say alleged. Yes, there was allegedly.
Speaker 1:I thought you were saying that he choked her.
Speaker 2:That might have happened too.
Speaker 1:He also did a counter video and he said release the whole tape or release all the messages. He said there were pieces of messages released. It is believed that this is the same person that tried to extort Jay-Z a few months ago, that she's affiliated with someone else.
Speaker 2:Does he?
Speaker 1:have a book coming out or something, or is something coming out.
Speaker 3:No, he just won a million dollar contract.
Speaker 2:He just won a contract. He may be leaving.
Speaker 3:She's been holding on to this for a minute. She's like wait, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it $100 million.
Speaker 2:Now she keeps saying the word allegedly.
Speaker 1:Some facts are the facts. She's been hanging around with him for a little bit and when he moves, she moves where he moves. So again, if he's this terrible person who's harming you, the question that everybody's asking would you have done all these things? And so it does look very sketchy, sketchy yeah, I'm using proper terms.
Speaker 2:I was worried. I had my finger ready for this.
Speaker 3:You asked the question why would he go for a younger woman? I think in general older men kind of have a leg up on the game or at least the perception. They think they do. In his case he's over here messing with you. You're not muting me this time. Well, I'm not going to say what I said.
Speaker 2:But, messing with you, you're not muting me this time.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm not going to say what I said we grown friends man, but Shanda Shark is blackity black Right and he a big dude and he, I guess he likes vanilla Right and so, um, nothing wrong with that. But this little girl was barely out of high school at the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I said, in her 20s, I would say younger 20s.
Speaker 1:She was legal, but just.
Speaker 3:She was legal. She may have been like 19. And so what I don't understand for the life of me is how you can have that much money and not suspect that people who you come in contact with are going to try to set you up.
Speaker 2:That's like.
Speaker 1:Sarah and Delilah.
Speaker 3:And she's like tell me the secret of your strength.
Speaker 2:Oh, you don't love me, and then you tell her the secret of your strength you don't love me.
Speaker 3:And then you tell her the secret of your strength, when the last four times you asked her, she went and did the exact same. What I just don't understand it. I don't get it.
Speaker 2:He don't like peace what, what takes a man a grown man who has been through some things, who you know. He. What is it? He's lived his life. He you know why. Why be with someone. You need to be with someone that understands your story instead of someone that's trying to figure theirs out like why is he?
Speaker 1:I said, but you can be manipulated by somebody who understands your story because they understand your story. It's it's, it's something that's deep rooted inside us as men. I believe it's something that we're missing, that we're looking for. So a lot of times you do see the these wealthy men going finding like not just younger but young, like like barely legal young, young ladies that they can. Keith, keith, listen, keith, no, no, no, no, I'm not going to let this go. Keith. You just said as a man. You said for him, as a man, that has been through some things right. That's the key concept. You've been through some things, right? I can say I've been through some things too. Can you say You've been through some things, right? I can say I've been through some things too. Can you say that you've been through some things right At your age? Do you think that at 19, do you feel like at your age, that has been through some things that a 19 year old can get over on you at this point in your life? You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm going to say no At 19 years old.
Speaker 3:We ain't got nothing to talk about. There's nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1:But that's it, that's it. That's it. That's all he probably signed up for. But she had other plans. A lot of these women have other plans for these athletes. How many women just stalk these athletes at the game, at the practices, at the hotel and they know everything about these men.
Speaker 2:They have already done their homework, but the stalk means they went after it. It seems like he is going after them Either way.
Speaker 1:He must don't like peace then, because as a grown man, as you get older, you value peace.
Speaker 2:You know like hey, we have nothing to talk about, except for maybe one thing.
Speaker 1:And then what could go wrong? Because guess what? I'm a public figure, people you know. My life is literally probably on display. What could possibly go wrong with this situation? And you choose to still do it.
Speaker 2:Okay, everything.
Speaker 3:He played a game didn't he? Yeah, and that's where I can't really I can't say nothing for Shannon. So outside of, let's say outside of comfort.
Speaker 2:You know, just in case, outside of getting comfort, what else is it? What would be some other reasons that a I'd say a grown man, a seasoned man, would go after someone that young?
Speaker 3:I know men who are almost said something so inappropriate yeah.
Speaker 2:I got my finger ready. We can hear it, but everybody else won't.
Speaker 1:It used to be a clinical diagnosis.
Speaker 2:Did I get? A look? You didn't call Annie to go off.
Speaker 1:It used to be a clinical diagnosis, but never mind.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know what you were about to say. Yeah, yeah. But I mean outside of sex.
Speaker 1:But once upon a time it was legal, because in some cultures it's normal. In some places that's what happens. Illegal is, but why would someone like him go after someone who is trying to with who you don't know and who doesn't have your best interest at heart? And sometimes I'll put it this way, this is what I was saying before about the hole, the void. Sometimes we are so desperate to have what we want or what we think we want, we're willing to set ourselves on fire and allow the wrong people to be around us and burn the whole village down just to feed that appetite. Whatever it is, there's a lot of people who have stated unhealthy relationships for that reason. It's not even about it's not even about the other person, it's about I. I know guys who feel like I could never get a girl like that. So once I finally have the money to get one, I'm going to get one, and they will spend all their money to keep this woman, even if, even if he can't stand her, even if she makes him miss.
Speaker 2:Oh, she doesn't want to be with him and he knows.
Speaker 1:But that void inside of him makes him go out and do things to attach himself to somebody who does not want him. So I don't know, I don't know mr shaw, I don't know shannon mr, I don't know Mr Shay Shay, shannon Sharp, but clearly there's something in him that makes him go that route or feel like he needs this, because he just ain't the first time, so that we, as the other men I'm not putting my phone but those who have funds, those who have something to lose, because, steve, you said, what does he have to lose Everything.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, he has everything to lose, Like you should, I'm sorry, Even if you don't have anything to lose at our age right now. What conversation am I having with a 19-year-old right now? What are we talking about? What are we talking about. What are we?
Speaker 2:talking about Thousands of followers on TikTok. That's probably one of the conversations, right? What's in the info Do?
Speaker 1:you understand, sometimes, even talking, just even if you have to engage with not even 19-year-olds maybe at our age, maybe some 20-year-olds the way they're talking right now, you just sit back and look like I'm lost. This don't make sense, this don't make sense and you'll lose yourself and your identity trying to keep up with what's going on here. But man, as a man getting older and having an understanding of not only just the world but biblically not only just the world but biblically Men have been losing their identity and their lives over women since the dawn of time. So it's like you know, you've got to sometimes put on some armor that protects you from all of this and protecting your peace. Man, this is nuts. So it sounds as if you know there's a.
Speaker 1:There's a certain thing that I see like with with men as of as of lately, is that you know, men are becoming women, are becoming men and men are becoming women. And I'm not saying that in the physical sense, but in the sense of, like the emotional things where at this point, it seems like a lot of men just want to be caught up in drama, want to be caught up in this whole gossipy thing and whatnot. It's like man, come on, sit down, man. You, a man, chill out, don't you value peace?
Speaker 2:Don't you want to have a peaceful life In the home. And maybe when I say men in the home, I'm not talking about that you have to be married, but we're talking about access to their children in order to pour in the other side of the whole. You know, there's an emotional side and then there's the the practical side, and what we're seeing is that some of these grown men now are not getting the practical side, and so I think I agree, you know it's the movement of men these days seems very emotionally driven.
Speaker 3:Here's the thing it's not going to be the last time.
Speaker 1:It's not going to be the last time. I bet you Wasn't it something before with him where he was recording something like oops, I didn't mean to go live, and all this other stuff.
Speaker 2:Probably Allegedly Come on man.
Speaker 1:He likes to be caught up in this whirlwind of drama. This is crazy man. It might be in ratings right now. But see, here's the other thing too. And then we get caught up in that whirlwind too. A lot of like a lot of things. We don't say, we condone it, but it's like OK, yeah, and he probably likes that Everybody's talking about him right now. He probably likes that.
Speaker 2:I just think it was not the best move. Just stick with someone who who you can have a conversation with.
Speaker 3:Did you see the Monique interview, monique?
Speaker 1:Yeah, she told him.
Speaker 2:She's like you need to get yourself a big woman who will rub your feet and bring you a drink at home, someone that again knows you've been through a hard day and is just there waiting with a meal, but someone that is pouring into you she didn't lie hard day and it's just there waiting with a meal and but someone that is pouring into you, she didn't lie. Yeah, she didn't say it had to be a woman of color, or at least I don't think she said it.
Speaker 2:But if she did I understand why so that Sinbad said the same.
Speaker 1:Well, not to him. But Sinbad told the same, well not to him.
Speaker 2:But Sinbad told us get you a woman that knows the size of stroke Jamal, jamal, look at me, but at this point, open your mouth, open your mouth at this point in your lives is we need, which is kind of what brings up and I only mentioned the Shannon Sharp alleged thing in order to kind of bring up, you know, this two part. So at this stage in our lives, you know what does a man need? To be ready for intimacy, because you know we got to find intimacy.
Speaker 2:OK, I was about to say because they got some commercials for that, yes, and so I'm talking about as far as you know. It's as far as being ready for sex, being ready for, you know, just any type of moment. Yes, you got your blue pills, your red pills, your white pills, I mean it's all. They even probably got shots. They got it, and this stuff is just being advertised pills, your red pills, your white pills, I mean, they even probably got shots and this stuff is just being advertised. And most of the men that they're advertising it for is for men that are after, like in their 40s and going up. Now we know that young people are also taking it.
Speaker 2:But at this point I was having a conversation and I think I was even talking to Keith about it. You know, it's like at this point I was having a conversation and I think I was even talking to Keith about it. It was like, at this point you don't want to take pills, you don't want to keep popping, you don't want a package to come to your door and you be looking out the window like unmarked package. All your other packages got that Amazon.
Speaker 1:But what I'm noticing is that that is, I'll say you me, that's our generation, how we view it, these younger guys, it's normal here.
Speaker 1:They don't care. That's why the ads are so public. It's almost perceived that everybody does it the way these ads are. So this younger generation who also has, again, because of their social inept, sometimes poor diet choices and how they have trouble with intimacy and they have trouble with sexual performance for those reasons and these are not the older men, these are the younger guys so these pills are out here Taking it like candy, like candy. In a candy bowl Just at the house, candy bowl Just snacking on it Swallowing, used to be swallowing.
Speaker 1:Or sometimes it is health issues. You know some people, diabetes and other things cause issues, so I'm not knocking anybody who takes it, but some people take it and, again, there's things that they can do to help their health.
Speaker 1:Get exercise and you know you have people talking about like even performance anxiety to where you know. Yeah, we're dealing with like even just pornography. You know how it wasn't readily available for people to consume and now you can just consume it on your cell phone. So so much in it. You're. You're, you're watching all these particular things that are not really real life and thinking that you have to live up to that expectation. And sometimes you can only live up to that expectation If you have these particular things that enhance that particular expectation. So it's, you know, and then that in of itself it's going to, you know, the more and more that you take up something, the less effect that it's going to have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you desensitize yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your vision may have a blue tent, but you know.
Speaker 2:So I brought this up because I mean, at this point in our ages you know, I'm 45 plus, like dang.
Speaker 2:I know right, 20-year-old Brian, you're just like, oh, okay, I'm ready to go. Now it's like I mean, I'll put myself out there. I need to have that conversation. I need to feel like I'm heard, feel appreciated, feel poured into. And then it's like okay, all those things, we had a good week, I've left all that stress, I'm ready to go. But is that like? Is that how it's supposed to be? Is that like Because back in the day, in our 20s, we didn't care about that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we needed scratch, I don't care. You mad at me, I'm mad at you, but we're going to scratch this itch. You mad at me, I'm mad at you, but we're gonna scratch this itch. But in our older years, yes, we respond differently, because now we realize we got I don't want to call it holes in the armor, but we feel stuff now.
Speaker 2:So when they say things and do little things.
Speaker 1:It impacts us differently and and and it makes us sometimes we do got to, we got to deal with, we got to talk about it. I never thought I would hear myself ever say, no, I need to talk about this first. But the reality is, as we get older, we change, and I don't think a lot of guys want to admit to that. We want to see 20, 30-year-old versions of ourselves. Nah, man, as we get older, stuff hurt, and then the same person that hurts you want to come in and lay down and it's like no.
Speaker 2:Nah, don't touch me.
Speaker 1:You called me for that.
Speaker 2:You said I ain't washed the dishes right.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. And it's funny because, like Steve said, now the women are looking more like come on, let's go, man.
Speaker 2:You guys have no idea.
Speaker 1:And that's the climate right now, where there's a lot of clients now, where, like when we're talking about couples, where it's like the man is saying, or the woman is complaining about not having you know, not being enough sex, and the man is saying like, well, you know, I don't like how you talk to me, so why would you think I want to have sex to you?
Speaker 1:Or before that didn't used to matter, okay, whatever, you could care less. But now it's like, man, I'm not aroused or I'm not attracted to you because of the way that maybe you talk to me or the way that you're making me feel. That didn't used to always be the thing, but that is a huge thing now, a big thing. I want to know how to balance, though, because sometimes, again going back to some bad where he was like I can't do anything they're looking at him up there putting that roof on. Oh, look at my husband. You know that. But yeah, but that other side, where you hear some things about yourself again, why are we unable to hear? Let me ask, is it the things that we hear or the way that it's said?
Speaker 2:Both I think it's the way things are said. It's both. I think you can handle whatever you have to say. If it's true, it's true, but how you deliver that message, that stings a little.
Speaker 1:Historically, men have, but hold on, wait a minute. Historically, men have always been the ones that are more hardcore in their delivery. Women are always telling you didn't have to say it that harsh, we're blunt, we're usually blunt, we're usually to the point and all this stuff. And now we're becoming the ones to just say hey, you know, hold me gently and and talk to me softly, now wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Are we wait a minute? Are we blunt or are we just like just?
Speaker 1:honest, and that honesty can be very but it's very blunt. Hey, you know, you imagine, okay, do these jeans make me fat? Yeah, they do, but I like it, but they do. So I mean, but again that's going to start, then you already know where that's going to lead to. But then, if a woman, but if a man look, I have that extra hamburger I put on some jeans, I put on some jeans. This is, this is. This is some years ago, some skinny jeans from Walt?
Speaker 1:No, no, I already knew when I put them things on. Was it Forever 21? No, no, uh-uh, that don't work. That don't work If I got to angle my foot. If I got to angle my foot and looking like a fairy, uh-uh, no, this ain't fair, because these look like leggings at this point, because if there's an emergency, and I got to get these pants off. I'm done. I'm done. You got hips. It is not Dude, it's the worst feeling. No, they had to go back.
Speaker 2:I didn't buy them. Things, wait a minute, hold on. I didn't buy them.
Speaker 1:I didn't buy them.
Speaker 1:It was in the fitting room but no it was in the fitting room, but I digress. I was putting on some pants it was Walmart pants and I said how do you like these pants? She said those are mom jeans. Take them off, just blunt. I told my girl. I said, hey, how do you like these pants? She says those are mom jeans. Take them off. Blunt, just blunt. I had a choice, like okay, get my feelings about it or take this out of the scene as it is and keep it moving. I chose to okay, cool, thank you for not letting me be out here looking with mom jeans and whatnot. At a certain point in time, it's like again, I think that we making a cosmic switch, as you know, men and women and and and the roles that we take on. It's like we getting, we getting kind of emotional at this point. Man, I could see how she's looking out for your best interest. What about those comments where you don't feel she's looking out for your best interest? Some of those absolutes.
Speaker 2:You're always late.
Speaker 1:You never do anything for me. These are the absolutes, yeah, the absolutes. Those are things that drive 99.9% of us crazy. So what do you do when you're hit with absolutes and then it's like, after the absolutes, okay, let's have sex? That's a better question. When you're absolutes and then it's like, after the absolutes, okay, let's have sex?
Speaker 2:That's a better question. Here, absolutes, most men will go into not defensive mode but context mode. Let's put it out there. It may look like a defense, but we're giving context and we'll ask questions in order to get the context, but it comes off. It looks like defense.
Speaker 1:It looks like defense Because we're trying to provide things I never did. But what about last Friday? Here's a picture of me cutting the grass last Friday. You're saying I never cut the grass.
Speaker 2:Never, never Because then we try to get into literal, because we took absolute literal and we're like, no well, let's literally debunk that we need man camp, man camp, to teach men how to deal with that, because they all use the same button.
Speaker 3:It's the same button. They know, if they can get you off your rocker with something. That's illogical and you're going to go back to logic. I got proof on the camera that's sitting right up there and we're going to go back to logic. I got proof on the camera that's sitting right up there and we're going to go to logic. And they're playing a different game.
Speaker 1:We're playing checkers. They're playing chess what happens if we use that same button? What happens if we tell a woman you never cook? What do you think would happen?
Speaker 3:All hell.
Speaker 1:Fine, that button don't work. You say, we never have sex. I promise you.
Speaker 2:She's going to show you never having sex. She's going to show you never having sex.
Speaker 1:Oh, since we never have sex, okay, it don't work. That's one of those contradictions, those are one of those double standards that I would not recommend any man try, because it's going to backfire. It sure will.
Speaker 2:Surely will, surely will Never cook.
Speaker 2:OK so, at this point in our lives, what can a man do, like, how can not, not that he's getting ready, you know, emotionally, for you know for intimacy, for intimacy, but what I mean so that he doesn't have to pop those pills or doesn't have to cry on his pillow? What can we do now to prepare ourselves for those moments where maybe the person really didn't, maybe she doesn't really know what she's doing, and if we try to say it, say it might make a problem, like, how do we insulate ourselves so that we give a measure of grace to the person that may be speaking out of frustration, not attacking us, but attacking the situation, so that we don't internalize it? Because, again, if we are flip flopping before it'd be like water going off a duck's back, but now it is we are sponging, we are taking it all in and to the point where we're so full that we're dripping and we don't like, how do we squeeze the water out to make room?
Speaker 3:I lost you for a little bit.
Speaker 1:I was like All I heard was dripping on that side.
Speaker 3:Teenagers.
Speaker 2:Where are we? Y'all are nasty Teenagers.
Speaker 1:No, I don't even know where we are. I didn't want to say nothing until somebody said something.
Speaker 1:You know what? I think one of the one things that we got to do, man, we got to slow down. When I say slow down, we're treating life as one big Facebook or Twitter account where we have to react to every single thing and comment to every single thing. Sometimes it's just slowing down and chilling out. Sometimes, detoxing from social media and detoxing from the internet or our cell phones actually calms us and slows us down to where perform. Then we'll be able to do that. We're so used to having these devices that you know it's these micro bites of information, all this overdosing on dopamine, and when it's really time, when it's time to turn off that screen, we can't do it because we need that screen in order to give us some type of you know some type of pleasure, and I'm not talking about just pornography.
Speaker 1:But you know, sometimes watching social media, you know you get those dopamine hits of all that information, seeing all these particular things. But when you have to actually intimately act with a particular human being without that screen, it may be hard. Not maybe. Well, maybe it's not hard, but I mean no pun intended it's completely different Most times, yeah, Most times, what you see on the screen is not what happens in real life. Oh my God.
Speaker 2:So again, what are some of the steps? I hear disconnecting from internet, and actually that's one of the things we always say. We always say you got to take a break from that. We do also have a biblical reference. I think at some point our resident minister will give us a biblical reference of how to address that's your role. You say some stuff, but you're also somehow tied into.
Speaker 1:He's going to tell you what Proverbs says when it says go to be on the rooftop. He's going to tell you what Proverbs says when it says go to be on the rooftop.
Speaker 3:I was just reading that. I was just reading that this morning and that's real. And somebody need to send that to Shannon Sharp because it don't just apply to wives.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it don't just apply to wives, yeah it's just like if you having that I know we already left it, but like if, if they Like that over here, what you expect to happen, mom, that part and why? Why would you? When you see the signs, we just keep going, but now that you know that I'm not not going back, we're moving forward. What's the question again?
Speaker 2:The question is what are some tangible tools and tactics that older men and when I say older, I'll say like 35 plus can use in order to, um, get out of their and I say get out of their feelings?
Speaker 3:it's not, I'm not discrediting it, but to, uh, kind of let me just jump in and say this, like the old school men, and Keith knows it Three words, I'll be back. I'll be back Out Out. Yeah, they understood the power of I'm going to find my happiness outside of this, right here, whoa.
Speaker 2:That did lead to some extra families. Now the way you're saying it, For some of them.
Speaker 1:it did Not all of them. Not all of them, some of them just went fishing.
Speaker 3:Some of them just went fishing, some of them just went to the golf course, some of them just went and sat in their car, because, men, sometimes we don't get off work late. No, you take the long road. You don't want to go, you don't want no drama, you just so. What do you do?
Speaker 3:You go, find, find peace somewhere else, and hopefully it's not a side piece but like being able to being able to, to have the, the wherewithal, to not depend only on this one individual to bring you happy. Like we can be strained and I'm still gonna be happy. I'm gonna go to the bar, I'm gonna go watch the game, I'm gonna go like whatever that thing is for, like uh man, so him, him having happiness outside of this. I think that's critical, I think that's key, I think it's important for him to be able to. I'll be back and it might create a tense situation. Hopefully it's not leading to other seeds being sown in the bar?
Speaker 2:why is it that we always go to those things of comfort that ultimately lead to discord?
Speaker 1:Man, it's where everybody knows your name.
Speaker 2:Everybody going to know your story now.
Speaker 1:But that's okay, because we're all inebriated, we're happy, we're sharing Inebriated. It's a safe place.
Speaker 2:That's why, I get that. But I'm saying after you leave that safe place because you're inebriated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to come home at some point, but I would choose a better, safe place.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that kind of just came out. Some people that's their thing.
Speaker 1:But no, but, like I said, but some people need it because, again, if I may piggyback off of what you were saying, sometimes that is the best thing for us. When we are upset, most of us know, when we have five minutes to kind of get through the emotions, we good. I'm not mad, no more, I can talk to her. Now you mad?
Speaker 2:Okay, well, I'm not what happens to that brother who went from five minutes to three hours. What's that you said? It takes like five minutes and it's a little bit longer than five minutes.
Speaker 1:If something really hurt you and you're ruminating because sometimes women they tell the truth they punch below the belt on purpose. Your mama, ugly ball, stop talking about my mama. They'll say things that really, whatever that hurt. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:I've heard oh, my Lord, this is where they use the never and always. We don't expect it, and as soon as they say it, that moment they say it, we all.
Speaker 1:It's just like ah ah, ah, Ah, ah ah.
Speaker 3:Exactly. You should know. When they down 10 points for 10, they're going to build a full court press. That's their equivalent, like you expected.
Speaker 1:With brass knuckles.
Speaker 2:How does a man prepare himself for that?
Speaker 1:okay, you deactivate the button, because we already. We just sit here with you the whole playbook, but yet tonight somebody, or today somebody gonna let let the same thing that's been bothering them.
Speaker 1:Get under their skin again today Some things. You just got to look at them and, like Danny said, I'll be back. I'm not going to argue, I'm not going to. Normally, you hit that button, I get triggered right away. Now, when you hit that button, you walk away. We hit that button and she hit that button and nothing happens. Eventually, she's going to look for another button and she hit that button and nothing happens. Eventually, she's going to look for another button, but that button will be deactivated for a little while because it did not get the response that it normally gets, so a lot of people don't know.
Speaker 2:When we don't understand what's on the button, another button, because we're not going to do more damage. There's always more.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you got to understand that the end game for them is to get the response.
Speaker 1:Response. That's what they want. Emotion, they want reaction. Have you ever texted somebody, that somebody that's they text a dissertation to you and then your next response was K, just K, k, k. I'm guilty, oh, you just dropped a nuke. You dropped a nuke because you are you. You either took the time or did not take the time, but you just said to read it and then you just said okay, huh that's not the reaction that's not the reaction.
Speaker 1:I mean that's worse than not responding. Yeah, it is, that's worse than not responding at all. People get very upset over that not responding.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 3:That's worse than not responding.
Speaker 1:People get very upset over that. Thumbs up emoji. Thumbs up or okay emoji.
Speaker 2:What about the three dots? Three dots, then it goes away. Then three dots, then it goes away. Three dots, then it goes away. Or what about deleting? It is worse and just not responding and deleting it.
Speaker 1:It's all this. Like you said, it's checkers and chess. It is definitely a game, but that all comes into play when you're talking about the question that you asked about. Hey, when, when you know, how can we get ready, or or how can we was it more? How can we get ready or how can we perform?
Speaker 2:I mean get ready and then ultimately perform, but like, how do we get out out of the emotional state to be able to be ready?
Speaker 1:Because sometimes you don't need to If it's something that's egregious enough. If it's something that is egregious enough, then you don't need to just get over it, because sometimes we do that too. If there are things that can be done where this is egregious, then we need to address this before we do anything, and then, there are times, like you said, she didn't like the way you folded the tiles and you got into your feelings about it.
Speaker 1:So you're not talking to her Because there is a danger. There is a clear and present danger of being upset about something that you should clearly be upset about and then glossing over it. Having sex, yeah, because sometimes for a man man, when you have sex and you were mad about something, guess what it kind of just disappears, just goes away and guess what. It's going to happen again, and when it happens again you're going to get mad but it's like well, we didn't address it the other time.
Speaker 2:The reason why we didn't address it is because we ventured into this other avenue or something to not forget about it but just not really pay attention to what we should have addressed you know it's interesting, meecy and I had this conversation, you know, even today, and we were talking about it and she was like, yeah, back in the day, if you were, if I was upset with you, I ain't doing nothing with you, cause I wanted to make sure we addressed it before going, cause if we did like you said, it was just like we just glossed over it, and you know you think that it's OK when it's not.
Speaker 1:And that's how toxic relationships start and keep on going too.
Speaker 2:So then let's. So then at this point, if a woman says no, back then until it's addressed, and the man now who is more in tune to his feelings, I'm going to ask you can?
Speaker 1:we also say no, find out and see what happens, right? No, actually we can, we can. It's just that I think that women may not be able to be equipped to deal with it like we were. They're not.
Speaker 1:Because, there's an expectation of like that's the trump card that they have. For a man it's like okay, yeah, you made me bad at me, but I can give you something. You know, everything's okay, I'll be forgiven. That's the end goal for for that, well, that's perceived end goal for. For men is that hey, you're getting something, hey, you're getting something. You know, as long as you're getting something, you're okay that that's not working. So they cannot sometimes deal with that because that was always the trump card.
Speaker 3:When it's not anymore and it should not be and uh, that this is part of the reason why, like what you raised, like not to be like that, but, like uncle Shannon shows, we got options and so you can go out here and and get that elsewhere from smarter places than uncle Shannon did elsewhere from smarter places than uncle shannon did.
Speaker 3:I think it's important for for men to have safe space and um the developing the practice of processing their own emotions, um, and and or having someone to help them process those emotions, and not relying solely on this one entity that's going to be on this roller coaster, um, and that's going to suck you into a vortex. Who's going to push the button to get a reaction? Um, so yeah, I think, just just having comfort, being uh we're feeling, expressing, and then just living, living in it like it's, it's okay, I don't know, I'll just say what you say I said, it feels different.
Speaker 2:I mean as we age, you know. I mean it's like I'll say, until I had a child, I didn't really understand john q. I saw it I was like, oh, it's a good movie. But after having, uh, my son and then re-watching it, it was like, oh, this is deep, this. I understand the lengths that he went through. Um, and you know, the emotion was was taking over me. Did I fully cry? It's a little tear, it's okay, no, it's okay. So I look at it like now, you know, as we get older, I mean we feel more. It's a different territory because before, like, the testosterone took over and pushed down any emotion.
Speaker 1:Now, with less testosterone, it starts to go back up, for some reason, at 60.
Speaker 2:We're going to be alright, so wait a minute, you just got to make it to 60.
Speaker 1:Right. So because our feelings have gone up, you feel like that's why a lot of men are not able to perform.
Speaker 2:I feel because before you used to, didn't have to feel. Do you feel like that's why a lot of men are not able to perform? I feel because before you used to didn't have to feel you were ready to go. Now it's like you need to feel as though you're heard, appreciated, understood that you have value, and at that point we're only engaging one person, and that's the only person that we're supposed to be engaged with, and so, of course, we need our validation from that one person. You can't. The same validation that my wife gives me, no one else can give me that.
Speaker 2:So if I need that in order to be ready to perform and I'm not getting that, or I'm, and then I'm expected to perform. I get that one person can't be your end all be all, but I can't get. I need from her, from someone else, especially if I'm married and said that I choose you and I will make that you are this not the full source, but you're the main main charger for my battery. I know I can come in, you know I can. We can laugh, talk it up, say, hey, man, this is frustrating or this is great, but my, my wife, my significant other, the person that I chose above all, is my largest source of validation and, as I get older, she's the only one that I can get certain validations from. So if I'm not getting it there or if I'm not getting recharged, how am I able to perform?
Speaker 3:And so this is the reason why like I know we're on another different topic this is the reason why men go out there and have a side piece, because we know the 80-20 rule, but like that, 20 is important. I'm not saying that you can get 100% from something, but like just understanding having these conversations, I think, is important because that's a need that you have and you got to be really careful when you're out there. If the bar is your thing or if the library or wherever you are, whatever you're doing, like you're going to be drawn to those situations. Somebody's meeting a need. You got to be able to have those conversations and be able to sit in that awkward space in between having the need expressed and having it fulfilled.
Speaker 3:But this is where men go off drinking salt water and end up with a lot bigger problems than you had when you didn't feel understood.
Speaker 1:Mm. Hmm, I understand. You know what I'm going to play devil's advocate with this. I don't know if y'all are going to hate me for what I'm about to say anxiety or performance issues or whatnot. Or getting ready for the particular act of intimacy, because there is now a bigger demand for them to please a woman to the point that she climaxes, or whatnot. Because I think as a society now, as society is going on, there's a bigger emphasis of the woman now saying, oh no, you know society is going on. There's a bigger emphasis of the woman now saying, oh no, you're not just going to get your rocks off. I got to, you know, you know me too, as they say. And so, at this point in time, men now have now had to be less selfish than what we were in the past before, where it's just like, hey, I got mine, you know what's the old adage hey, better get yours.
Speaker 2:Whatnot? You know they women ain't having it, you know. So what's your thoughts on that? You shouldn't be thinking I just got to get mine, but I, I watched this. It was something on netflix like a couple years ago that talked about um, you know female intimacy and how just the way their body is that there are some that may never experience.
Speaker 2:You know climax, and just you know, of course certain positions might get you closer to it, but just the anatomy and where it is. As they've said even themselves they may have had multiple partners, had sex, maybe one person for a long period of time, and just never. And it's just you know. I want to say you know the result of sin is, you know it may have a cascading effect, not just separation from God but also separation from intimacy. Does that mean that a man should stop trying? Oh no, no, you should still try. Try to, you know, not think about yourself and try your best to help her achieve that level.
Speaker 1:But how often do we even take the time to even do that or even tell a woman like, hey, it's okay to explore yourself. For a while it was taboo for a woman to explore herself or touch herself or whatnot, but at a certain point in time they can blow on us, boom, we good. It's not like that for women, I know.
Speaker 3:Don't move, don't move, don't move.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, hold on, I'm going to do this retroactive.
Speaker 1:He drinks water. Just wink your eye, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move in order to bring us back, someone has to bring us back.
Speaker 2:Y'all three are all over the place. You have to be comfortable in yourself and not believe I'm the only one that has to do this, that you know you need to do this. But I think that. Do this, you do this. But I think that comes with the evolution of time. Y'all are still on this laughter.
Speaker 3:If nobody laughed, it wouldn't have been true, because everybody laughed, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1:But it is true, just the female anatomy compared to the male anatomy for each individual person. You have to take your time to know them. But my thing is for society, it's always hey, man first, okay, I got mine. That's always been the adage. But now that shift is changing. It's changing, you know. So now we have to take our time understand our woman, x, y and z, and sometimes, you know, to be honest with you, I mean, we get we, we get lazy, you know, because we get bored exactly it starts.
Speaker 1:For some it starts out as conquest and it's fun, but then after a while it's like, oh my gosh it's like. It's like fishing you catch a fish, you get it, you look at it, you sometimes you throw it back, but you keep on fishing. No it. But everybody's different. There are some people who don't mind taking their time, and and that's the goal and some days again it don't work so well. I forgot what I was going to say. I'm still.
Speaker 2:Y'all need to grow up. Y'all need to grow up, wink, don't move. I'm going to sit here and drink, just drink, while y'all get this out to us it's true, it's very true, we make you wink at us.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry meanwhile, we've been down there for 62 hours and anything, anything we pressing buttons twisting lines and everything. Is this the combination Left right, left right? No, that's not it.
Speaker 3:Yes, it is B-A-B-A start. Don't give her the conundrum.
Speaker 2:We've been trying to have grown folks conversations. You said, if I did this, then that's all it would I need a game start An iron table in the dark and Keith's lights have gone down since we've had this conversation.
Speaker 1:They back up. It's true, though, like Danny said, it's true, it's very true, and you got to take your time to understand your uh-huh, and it does take time.
Speaker 1:You're absolutely right, it takes time and it takes the willingness. But I'm dealing with couples now, both men and women. What happens when you are different than your partner? And are you patient enough exactly? Wait for them to catch up, or you to wait for them to get to where you want them to be, or where they know you well enough to know the combination, so to speak, or to figure you out, and some, some people saying, no, it's been terrible, like it's, and it's just, it's not, it's not what I want it to be, or it's not.
Speaker 1:Again, everybody has imagery of getting what it would be like. I'm glad you said, oh, and it's different, and it takes trial and error and this isn't what, just the physical, this is what finances, this is what emotional intimacy, non-sexual touch, this is what everything that marriage brings with it. It takes time to build this, but a lot of people come in thinking, since we're married, it's gonna be best sex ever. And how many people are disappointed when it is not. That so no, and? But you know what, brian, you said you, you brought up a good thing about is is she willing to teach or he's willing to listen? Man, you'd be surprised how many men are put off by having their woman tell them what to do. It's like a pride thing. Like you know, it's the weirdest thing.
Speaker 2:We get prized.
Speaker 1:Right here that tells you don't want me to read to you how to get to the treasure you want to find it on your own and you thinking the earth is flat. So you, it makes no sense. It makes no sense. We supposed to be going this way. You, over here, I'm trying to tell you how to get to the promised land, and you want to act up.
Speaker 1:That's why they could have taken three years for the children of Israel to be in the promised land. How many? Forty? Because they didn't want to listen. They're hard-headed. That's what we men sometimes are we're hard-headed, we are Very hard-headed.
Speaker 2:This clip right here is going to take us to a million views. Keep saying it again, say it again. I'm going to wrap this up, I'm sorry. Just want to give final thoughts.
Speaker 3:Already.
Speaker 2:I got mine. I'll keep on going.
Speaker 3:I'm joking, don't move, that's it.
Speaker 2:Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait wait.
Speaker 1:Please, please, please, please, please, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
Speaker 3:I said don't move.
Speaker 1:I told you not to move. And then, and then, and then, and when she moved, and that's that moment of clarity, moment of clarity, that moment of clarity, moment of clarity, that moment of clarity, uh-oh, and it arrives so quick, it's the crazy, it's instant clarity when am I? Where am I? I'm moving, what am I doing? Clarity when am I? Where am I? What am I doing?
Speaker 2:That's it, I'm done Me too, me too All right, I guess I'm just going to wrap this up. Y'all are in a different place right now. Y'all are in a different place right now. Oh my God, y'all are in a different place.
Speaker 3:Right now, y'all are in a. Oh my god, that's the title of this episode.
Speaker 1:This episode is title double oh my god, dj, I'm done.
Speaker 2:Oh my god this will be the title. It will be the title.
Speaker 1:Don't move y'all got me sweating, oh my god oh, all right.
Speaker 2:So does somebody have a final thought?
Speaker 1:Final thoughts I can't breathe.
Speaker 3:Listen, no man.
Speaker 2:I can't breathe. You're using LED lights and it's hot. These are halogens. Oh my God, no for real. Somebody has to be so sensitive about everything In some cases. Oh my God, no, for real, you're so sensitive about everything.
Speaker 1:In some cases. In some cases we got to stop being so sensitive about everything. Sometimes we got to find our own coping skills and just not get on the rollercoaster when they get upset or they say something we don't like. It's a better way to handle that than yell back. That's my final word. I'm going to leave it because I ain't got nothing else.
Speaker 2:Alright, so this has been the Iron Table, where iron sharpens iron, so should men sharpen iron.
Speaker 1:I can't breathe. I can't believe it'm gonna pee on myself. Oh my god, I'm seeing stars. I'm seeing stars. I need to go to the hospital alright.
Speaker 2:so this has been the iron table, where iron sharpens iron and sharpen men. I'm just going to end it right here, because y'all have lost me. I'm leaving everybody, I'm leaving. Oh, this is it, thank you.
