#242 | 'The Boy You Are Today Is The Man You'll Be Tomorrow': Lessons from Mom

This episode is personal. I wanted to honor my Mom by sharing four life principles she gave me—lessons about character, family, discipline, perspective, and love that continue to shape who I am today. 

“The boy you are today is the man you’ll be tomorrow.” Time moves fast. If the inputs don’t change, the outputs won’t either. The small habits, the private disciplines, the way you show up when no one’s watching—that’s who you’re becoming. Identity compounds just like results do.

She also taught me: love and protect your family—they’re the only one you’ve got. Don’t take your people for granted. Keep the door open to those who are different than you—my Mom is an immigrant, and our home was always open. And maybe most importantly, she helped me hear differently. What can feel like nagging is often just love expressed through concern.

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Mom’s Wisdom

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Welcome to Win Today. This show is crafted for those who want to win in every aspect of their lives. Every week, you will learn from a renowned thought leader that will share a piece of a winning playbook that you can incorporate into your life. If this show has a positive impact on you and you see value in it, please share it with somebody and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win.

Setting The Stage: Family Values

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Do you have something that you live your life by based off of something that one of your parents used to always say or do for you? My guess is that there's at least one thing. And I'm sharing a few things that I have gained from my mom. And in all the years that I've been podcasting, my mom's birthday, which is at the time of this recording today, has not fallen on a Monday. And I've talked a lot about my dad's influence on me and on the business through through through good and through a lot of struggles, but I haven't shared as much about my mom. So I'm opening up to share the other side and share the influence that my mom has had on me with lessons that I believe can serve well in your life. This

The Wedding Speech Challenge

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popped up for me last week when my my little sister, Keena, got married, and I got to give the dinner blessing and speech right before everybody got to eat their food. And my my sister said that I had two rules. One is that I can't go for more than seven minutes, so five to seven minutes. And secondly, that I could not make threats to my now brother-in-law, Jimmy, who I wouldn't have done anyway because uh I love and and we love Jimmy to death. So I thought long and hard about what's something that I could say that is memorable in a short period of time, right before the night carries on and and they they proceed as a married couple. And I thought about brotherly advice. Now I share a funny story as to why I picked brotherly advice, but we won't get into that. But I talk about a time that I wasn't very nice to Kina,

Lesson One: Protect Your People

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and I pushed her off the trampoline when we were, when we were when we were kids, when we were teenagers, or I was a teenager, she was still nine or ten years old, something like that. But I pushed her off the trampoline and I didn't get caught by my mom, but I could hear in the back of my mind what my mom would have told me. Always love and protect your little sister because she's the only one you've got. And she would usually tell me that when perhaps I wasn't being so nice to my sister, but then she would always remind me as well. Always love and protect your little sister because she's the only one that you've got. I believe that one of my core values of family developed because of how my mom reinforced that in my brain about being there, being Kina's protector, being the one that's always gonna love her little his little sister. And that made me focus so heavily on family because that permeated to the rest of my family. It wasn't just my sister that I thought about that. I thought about my mom, she's the only one I've got. My dad, he's the only one I've got. So many people in our lives are the only one that you have. And while I'll also share that you should always love and protect and respect them because they're the only one that you've got, the deeper underlying principle here is to value your family and your loved ones. Because just like they're the only one you've got, you don't know when the last time you're going to have with them will be. And we can take that for granted sometimes that, oh yeah, my mom, yeah, she'll always be there, my dad will always be there. You don't know. We don't know. And I would hate to take it for granted to when then I'm met with a, and or you're met with a crucible moment, as my friend Patrick says, where one of them are are gone suddenly, and then you wish that, oh man, I wish I was nicer to that person. I wish I spent more time with them. I wish I did this, I wish I did that. So, underlying principle is value your family and your loved ones because they're the only ones that you've got. You can't change your family, you can't trade your family. You can welcome in new family, but you can't trade them. So value them and love them, protect them, respect them, cherish them, admire them. Doesn't mean that things are always gonna go perfect, they're gonna upset you, they're gonna do dumb things, and you're gonna do dumb things, and just like just like I am. But the glue that holds everything together is love, respect, and protection. So that's the first thing. And as I'm saying that, another thing that I gained from my mom, my mom being an immigrant to this country, uh, born in Colombia, South America, and then lived in Switzerland before coming to the United States, gave us a different perspective. So growing up in Southern California, one thing that uh I know I struggled with as a child is especially in that area, predominantly white neighborhood. Uh even being the tan kid, would often get made fun

Loss, Regret, And Time’s Speed

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of for speaking Spanish, for looking different with my tan skin, and then with my mother having as strong of an accent as she does, we would often get misconstrued or assumed as Mexicans, as illegals, as border jumpers, as bean eaters, all the names I remember being called as a kid. And it was and it was frustrating. And at times I was I was embarrassed to speak Spanish, which I it's something that I hate to say now, but at the time I couldn't stand being made fun of all the time and uh not knowing that being multilingual and multicultural is a is an absolute blessing and a gift. But with that, one thing that my mom always did was she talked to us about, not even talk to us, instilled in us that it doesn't matter the color of your skin or where you come from, that everybody is to be loved. Everybody is to be welcomed with open arms. And I like to call this principle the door is always open because in our family, and especially at my mom's house, if you showed up at my mom's house right now with no shirt on, torn-up pants, your blue, black, green, white, doesn't matter. And you show up and ask for help, or at least just to be able to take a shower because something happened, the door is open. Door is always open in this family, and it doesn't matter your background. And that was always something that she preached that just because we are different and there are other people that look different, we don't treat them any differently. Uh, right across the street from us growing up in California, our neighbors were Afghans. And in the early 2000s, uh, as many know, the that was not a good time between the United States and Afghanistan. We were engaged in a conflict in the Middle

Lesson Two: The Door Is Always Open

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East and a war. And this family, and I and I wish I remembered their names, but I remember the experience. They did fly their Afghan flag proudly, but then they also had their American flag outside, too. A lot of people would not talk to them in the early 2000s because they assumed, oh, you're part of the enemy, you love and support bin Laden, which couldn't have been further from the truth. These were some of our good friends growing up, and we used to play with them and we still played with them, even when other parents in the neighborhood told their kids don't go over there anymore. They represent the enemy. Uh, that was never the case with with us and with my mom, and especially with her having the background that she does, that no, the door is always open, and that goes both ways. So, with that, are there any places in life where your door is closed? And does it need to be? Now, I'm not suggesting that you hearing this, you need to quote, open the door for everybody, but perhaps explore if there's anything or anyone or any groups of people in life that you are perhaps a little bit closed off to and does it need to stay that way. There might be room for opportunity there. And I will share that if you are going through anything, need anything, the door is always open for my house as well. It doesn't matter, I don't care what you believe in, what color you are, what you're wearing, what you smell like. If you need help, I am here and the cast family is here, we are here, and I know my mom is there. She'll open the door up to anybody and make you some food. Now, the third one, you know the principle is if the inputs don't change, the outputs don't change. Seems obvious. But the way that this was conveyed to me as a young kid, being a little bit more on the rambunctious side, a little bit more on the class clown side, and sometimes I'd I'd back talk my way into a few spankings. My mom would always tell me this one thing. The boy you are today is the man that you'll be tomorrow. And at first I didn't really understand, or I really just blew it off and it was annoying. And I'd say, What does that mean? I'm you know, it I remember I would think I'm I'm gonna be a little boy tomorrow too. And I'm gonna be a little boy next week and the next week and the next week. I don't have to be an adult yet. And what she was saying is, and what I realize now is because I remember being that little boy like it was yesterday, time goes by so fast that you blink, and for those of you that are younger, you you blink, you wake up, you're 33 years old like me, you blink, you're married, you blink, you have a kid, you blink, your parents are getting older, you've got your first house, all these things. Life goes by so fast. And if the inputs don't change, the outputs don't change. So, what she was really telling me is the little boy that you are today, if you're being disrespectful or back talking or being rambunctious, that's gonna be the man that you are. Disrespectful, rambunctious, it you name it. And so it got to the point to where when I would do something bad, I would tell my mom, I say, Hold on, I know what you're gonna say, mom. The boy I am today is the man that I will be tomorrow. She said, Yep, that's right. So it it turned into kind of a little bit of a joke, but it's something that I still will always hear her saying. The two things I'll always hear her saying are always love and protect your sister. She's the only one you've got. And the boy

Checking Your Own Closed Doors

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you are today is the man you're gonna be tomorrow. So even if you're a woman listening to this, you could translate that to the girl you are today is the woman you'll be tomorrow. And that's something that I know I'll tell my kids someday. That's something that I tell my little brother now, Josiah, that I mentor through big brothers, big sisters, especially if he's gotten himself in some trouble, is the boy you are today, is the man you'll be tomorrow. So if there are things in life that you don't like or expect to be different, are you changing the inputs? What are you doing about it? Because if you don't, the person you are today is the person you will be tomorrow unless you choose to make something change. So if the inputs don't change, the outputs remain the same, and the person you are today is the person that you will be tomorrow. The last thing that my mom helped me do, and this is one that I discovered in the last few years, is it helped me hear differently. And what I mean by that is there are a lot of things that my mom to this day will will do that used to drive me nuts. Like it's 20 degrees out. My mom's asking, do you have a coat? Do you have gloves? If I go on a business trip, do you have your rental car? Do you have this? Do you have that? The obvious questions that for the longest time, what I chose to hear is my mom doesn't trust me, doesn't believe that I'm capable of weathering through a freaking storm or going on a business trip, and I would get so frustrated. Like, what am I not doing that she can't understand, that I've already got this stuff figured out. And

Lesson Three: Inputs Shape Outputs

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what I know now and what I learned many years later, after attending a conference in California called Create Powerful, that really I'd say it's a deep dive of yourself and going inside out. I learned that what she was saying there is, hey, I love you and I'm looking out for you. But I wasn't able to hear that. So what I know now is my mom is never gonna stop asking me the questions, even if it's if I'm 50 years old, 60 years old, that do you have your coat? You have your jacket, did you schedule the dog appointment, all these things? All I hear now is, hey, there's somebody that loves me right now and is looking out for me. There is somebody on the other end of the phone or the conversation that loves me and wants the best for me and is making sure that I've got my stuff squared away. Because there's times where we don't, there's times where we miss, there's times where we forget things. And what a blessing it is that there's somebody there covering your backside that is looking out for you. How many people would love to have a parent or a loved one to check in on you and see how you're doing? We can often hear, or we often choose to hear things that are the exact opposite of what somebody intends because we may be closed off to something or think that they've got it all figured out. But what if all that went away? Think about how much you might miss that person that would bug you, how much you might miss the person that would check in, how many things you'd probably forget now because you pushed this person away. So now I know that rather, I don't know. I've been reassured, especially through this conference, that I'm grateful to have a mother that loves me so much and checks in on me. So, mom, on your birthday, happy birthday. I love you very much. Thank you for helping me become the man that I am today. And for our listeners, recapping the lessons, because these aren't just things that apply between Ryan's mom and Ryan. These are things that I believe are solid life principles. And if we go back through the beginning, always love and protect your loved ones and your family because they're the only ones you've got. And you never know when that may change. And you don't want to live a life of regret in that at some point we're all gonna go away. Don't let it hang on you that you did not treat those people the way that you wish you could have, or that you didn't value them as much as you could have, or took them for granted. They're the only ones that you've got. The door is always open. Look and see if you have areas in life where your door is closed and does it need to be closed. Can you open the door for somebody today? Can you open the door to something today? Can you open the door to life in a way that you haven't before? If the inputs don't change, the outputs don't change. Who you are today, if nothing's done differently today, is who you will be tomorrow, next week, next year, next month, and then years go by and you wonder why are things still the change, still the same. The boy you are today or the person you are today is the person that you will be tomorrow. So check your inputs, especially if you want different outputs. And lastly, be mindful of what you're hearing, especially from your parents. Because I understand as adults, it's easy to think and wish, think rather, that we've got it all figured out and we don't need any help. We could always benefit from help. And it's important to choose or rather slow down and recognize what somebody could really be saying in a given moment. Because all those times that somebody is checking in on you when it feels like a nag, it's actually somebody that's showing love and care for

Mentoring And Owning Your Choices

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you. And it's my wish that you can hear those things differently. And it's my wish that this episode helps inject some love, care, and awareness in you so you can win today.