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Win Today
Win Today is a performance enhancing podcast filled with actionable insights and inspiration to come out on top in life. Through captivating interviews and solo episodes, a powerful tool is created and given to listeners to be able to push through any situation in life.
Hosted by Ryan Cass, he delivers messages that align to his purpose of helping people establish a foundation for sustained success, break trends of adversity, and chart desirable courses for life. Win Today!
Win Today
#246 | Building Inner Fitness: Being Your True Self In A Loud World Ft. Kate Eckman
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If you have ever hit a goal and still felt empty, this conversation with executive coach and author Kate Eckman will help you build something deeper. Kate breaks down inner fitness, emotional resilience, self-awareness, and her five Ps: Presence, Patience, Purpose, Preparation, and Practice—as a framework for lasting confidence and success.
We also talk about empathy, external validation, mental health, leadership, and why time affluence, quiet mornings, nature, writing, and real human connection may be the true markers of a winning life.
Kate Eckman is a former model turned executive coach, author, and media personality who blends performance psychology with personal development. She helps high achievers build confidence, emotional resilience, and alignment through her work in coaching, speaking, and writing.
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Mission And Integrity Before External Wins
SPEAKER_01I think we feel more fulfilled when we're we have a mission and purpose greater than ourselves. And it isn't about all these externals because we've already just discussed that pitfall. So the internal success of I think becoming the person that our younger self would be really proud of, becoming the person that that person would feel safe around. I think becoming a person that anyone would feel safe around just because of their integrity. And so I think it's about looking at the choices that, you know, because even I think of a relative right now, very kind, nice person, but I think their choice to be completely dissociated and disconnected has certainly hurt me, but they didn't intend to do that. So I think again, it goes back to the more you can connect with yourself, then you're able to connect with others in a meaningful way. And so you become that light and that vessel for people.
SPEAKER_02Welcome to Win Today. This show is crafted for those who want to win in every aspect of their lives. Every week, you will learn from a renowned thought leader that will share a piece of a winning playbook that you can incorporate into your life. If this show has a positive impact on you and you see value in it, please share it with somebody and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win.
SPEAKER_03What if inner fitness was just as important, if not more important, than outer fitness? Our guest today is a master at our inner work and mastering your inner fitness. She has a long-spanning career from the TV, interviewing prominent leaders around the world as an amazing journalist to the camera, as a beautiful model, and now as an executive coach and the author of the Full Spirit workout, Kate Ekman. Kate, there's a lot that we can read about you. If we search you on Google, we can see all of the impact that you've made all over the world. But beyond that, what do you believe is the most important thing for the world to know about who you are?
Leading With Humanity In Public
SPEAKER_01Wow, what a question. I'm just, I always just speak what comes to my mind and heart first. But, you know, I'm really leading with my humanity. And it's interesting that I've chosen a very forward-facing career where I've been judged and evaluated on what I look like and how I speak, and really the package and the presentation, the superficial, the external, if you will, where really my most meaningful journey and where it feels like my only journey right now is the internal and seeing and experiencing so much going on in the world and then my own personal life and really taking on this work that so many people dodge or run away from. And I see why, because it can be quite painful, but also it is like getting that pot of gold at the bottom of the ocean, that treasure. But you really have to go and swim and search for it. But then the only way you're going to discover it is if you go on that journey. And so I was just thinking, I think about it a lot. And even earlier today, just a few hours ago, and I was walking into my office here, and I was frustrated by something and you know, feels like, oh, this momentum isn't happening, or I have to do it all. And I thought, you know, Kate the person is better than anything I could have ever dreamed up, any prior version could have imagined. And yet in my career right now, I feel like, oh, I want more, I want to be doing this or better. I'm even revisiting some old career paths. Um and but I I think I would want to be remembered if this was my you know last day on earth as someone who just and I'm feeling emotional for many reasons. So bear with me, everyone. But um as someone who just who who cared and someone who left everyone better than I found them.
SPEAKER_00And I think I'm getting emotional because um the world is really heavy and exhausting right now, and I'm exhausted. And it it's hard to be an empath, and it's hard to care so much. Um and living in a world where everything is just about performance and monetization, and but we don't talk about those things, Kater.
SPEAKER_01We don't look at those things. And I think we've all experienced that in our families, and then certainly now with the collective, there's so much gaslighting. And so for me, I would be honored if my claim to fame was, you know, I felt really seen and heard and acknowledged in her presence and um also I think showing people that it's okay to cry and be in your full humanity at all times, even if it's you know, frowned upon or looked down upon, or you know, we don't there's no crying in baseball and there's no crying in a Riverside podcast episode. And it's kind of like says who. So, you know, that's the the rule breaker in me. I've always been a status quo uh disruptor. I've never played by the rules. I don't want to. And so even if it's that, it's um instead of wanting to blend in, it's to be a bit more disruptive. And I think that that's a good thing, and um to really blaze your own path and and make your own rules. And if that involves crying in an interview, then so be it.
SPEAKER_03That's beautiful, Kate. And you know, the more that we go through life, I I realize like, yeah, we say no crying in baseball, but the reality is like there are no actual rules. And what's to say that what's wrong with even showing that you're a human right now? I believe just how you spoke there was was beautiful. And right before you and I started recording, we talked about being a vessel. And I believe in the current state of the world, we need more vessels and people that are going to show amidst the chaos that hey, it is okay to be human, it is okay to stand up for what you believe is right, it is okay and much needed to express and show your heart because I believe we could all agree that this world could use some more love. And by you doing what you're doing, by you stepping up, by you even in real life live right now, showing that human element, I believe, that you're creating an invitation for somebody else to do the same. So what I have to offer first is a thank you, because this is playing out in real time, and I believe that you're planting a seed in one person. There could be another person that's listening right now that's hearing that, and then they might be playing a story that we often play right next to it, which is man, I want to be a human too, or I want to be more of an empath, or I feel that in my heart. But I feel or I can already hear what the social media comments are gonna be, or what this person in the office is gonna say, or what my family is gonna say. It and it it sounds to me that you've you've not only faced that, but you've overcome it because you're putting yourself out there. So if we're looking at how do we overcome those typical objections that we put on ourselves, like what could you offer there?
SPEAKER_01There's a a lot of fear with everybody. I see it in marriages, I see it in corporations and countries, I see it, you know, with amongst best friends. So there's fear everywhere, and I feel it. I think sometimes I cry because I'm with someone who hasn't allowed themselves to feel in so long. And so I'm crying their tears. And it it sucks being an impasse sometimes. It's a gift and a curse because I'm not only feeling my feelings, I'm feeling everybody else's. And maybe even part of the tears I just cried were something that you have suppressed or something that you haven't had the time, energy, or desire to look at or feel. And so, because that's even coming up for me right now. I'm like, I'm actually okay. So, what are these tears? It could be you, it could be someone listening, their energy I'm tapping into. It can just be this collective. It could be people walking by my home right now. There's just, there's so much, and people are gripping so tight. And I just want to tell everybody, especially on behalf of all impasse, like, you gotta feel, like, you gotta slow down for a minute and and feel what's going on and let the depth of your pain out or your joy or your frustration or whatever it is. It literally causes disease to hold on to all of these feelings and emotions and keep suppressing. And I think so. For me, I just I couldn't do it any longer for my my physical health. And then my body was so inflamed and I was putting on all this weight because I didn't want to feel certain things that were really, really painful to feel. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. And so for me, it just it became something where I no longer just wanted to please for others or perform for others or make everybody else in the room or the family or the company happy. It's just, what about me? Because it was, it was affecting my physical, emotional, mental, spiritual health. And I'm, you know, the inner fitness gal. And so I think it's great to do projects like this. You got to put your money where your mouth is. And I just, I thought I don't, I nothing is worth it. And and look, it's it's been painful because when you finally choose yourself and your health, you're going to lose a lot of people. But then if you're honest, are you really losing them? It's kind of, well, there's that song like, I thought I lost you somewhere, but you were never really there at all. I think it's a goo-goo doll song and it's it's so profound because it's like, oh, I lost all these friends. But then it's like, were they really your friend? If they knew you were struggling and didn't reach out, if they knew you're going through a hard time and they just I never want to tell anybody what to do. There's not about should. It's more of just an invitation. I I think people have have forgotten their humanity. And then it's like, wait, can I, am I even allowed to feel this? Am I allowed to say out loud, I'm not happy? Am I allowed to want something that lights me up every day? And so I think I'm I have emotions so much because I I worry about people. Um, and so with that said, because I worry so much about people, those I know personally, and then certainly the collective, and I can't control any of that. I think for me it has been an act too. When I think, what can little of me do to help what's going on? And the message I always get is you need to heal yourself. And by healing myself, I'm able to show up in a healed way for others and through my work, but even just the interactions I have at the grocery store, at the gym, walking down the street, the energy I pour out into the world. And I think that's why sometimes I just cry because I'm exhausted. Because I would like some healed vessels and energy and people offering that back to me as as well. And I just think right now people are so overcapacity that they just don't have it to give um to many people. But I I I almost beg of people now to give it to yourself.
Inner Fitness And Getting In Flow
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's like we can't be the best for somebody else or an organization or a family, you name it, if we're not the best for ourselves first and and treat ourselves that way. It's interesting. I the podcast episode that I released this morning, I believe we're similar in that. I I said, if there's one thing that I wish everybody could have, it's the ability to see. And I'm not talking about visually, but the ability to see and to be awake to themselves. Because then you'll understand uh and create the clarity and see all the things that you might be holding on to that's keeping you hurt to what you were saying, or to see and and be awake to all of the baggage that we're carrying, and we don't even realize it. And sometimes it I I'm with you that my heart hurts for people because I can see that this person's wearing an 80-pound rucksack full of limiting beliefs, full of experiences that don't serve them, people that don't serve them. And I wish I could take that backpack off of them and and flip it over and be like, look, look, like no wonder you're always tired or upset. Like, don't you see this backpack you have on? And I'm grateful that there's there's people like you that you know share that same desire and and ultimately by your way of being can help create that invitation for for at least one person of you know how how would you define it and what would you say you're on the other side of for people? So if we think about spiritual fitness or inner fitness, a lot of different things can come to mind for different people. There's a lot of different ways to define that. But what does that look like for you in your work and and how you're helping transform humans?
SPEAKER_01I I think you know, so many things come to mind when I think of kind of even when I wrote the book and how different I am from when I wrote the book. I think a lot of us pay lip service to a lot of concepts. And intellectually, if you're on a journey of personal or professional development or if you're an athlete, there's a lot of things that you understand intellectually. And actually being an athlete is a perfect example because really when you're swimming your, I was a swimmer, when you're swimming your best race, when you are making these moves, you know, Kobe Bryant's coming to mind, Michael Jordan, LeBron James, when they're making these moves, you can see, feel, and experience that it's so much deeper than, okay, now I'm gonna go up for this. It's like they get, I'm thinking of the like slam dunks by these gentlemen. It's like you can see them getting lost in the air and in the where there's no way their mind is like doing that choreography as they're doing it. It's just the preparation, the the God-given talent, the moment is taking over. And I feel like that's a good way of representing what I'm talking about. Or you think of your favorite musician, you know, I think of David Gilmore. I saw it at the Hollywood Bowl on Halloween, you know, he's Pink Floyd. And you know, I've seen so many talented musicians, but he came out and was playing a few riffs on the electric guitar, and like it was in my in my body, in my bones, in my fascia tissue. And I was like, what is this? It was just on another level. And the guy's like, I don't know, close to 80 years old. And he was, he looked like he wasn't even trying. And I'm like, what what is he doing? So it's like that's what I want everyone to tap into. And you know, I'm talking about people of the greatest of all time. Like, we're not gonna play guitar like that. We're not gonna dunk like Michael Jordan, but what I'm inviting people into is letting something bigger, greater than us take.
SPEAKER_03And you had me reflecting back on my on my childhood a little bit, and that I I did grow up just north of Los Angeles and had the opportunity to to watch Kobe Bryant and play. And it's it is it is different when you get to watch some of the goats, whether it's Kobe or Tiger, and I'm a big sports guy. And when you see those folks, and even the the musician you mentioned, it's like they're creating art out there. So it's not even they're not even playing a sport. You're you're witnessing art in the artist, and and the artist just looks a little different than what we might view a traditional artist to be. You what I heard you say there, if we were gonna like operationalize this or make it a a step system. Yeah, no, it it it is definitely important to have a to have meaning behind what you do. It's often people that that I work with, and especially when it comes to a goal that they have written down, a common one, especially at the beginning of the year, people usually will have some sort of either monetary goal or fitness goal. Common one, lose 25 pounds. Okay, that's that's noble. Great. But what's the significance behind it? Is it because it sounds cool? Is it because the trend on on Instagram right now is everybody that's losing 20 plus pounds has the most views on their reels or likes or whatever the case may be? Or can you actually connect it to something meaningful? So look a little deeper. Oh, in this in this example, we want to lose 25 pounds because that's what's going to allow us to create more longevity for our to be there for our family. Because the last few generations they've made unhealthy choices and they've all most of their lives have ended at this point. So now we actually are connected to something that is meaningful, that actually now it makes sense that we've got this goal or this aspiration or whatever the case may be. But I believe we're both saying that it starts with this mental and self-inventory, right? It it and it and it can't be defined by what you see somewhere else. It has to come from from what's already inside of you. So if we think about those self-inquiry and and inventory, Kate, like if we were to give somebody uh an inventory to take about, hey, here's how you can be your best version of you, what are the the questions or the things that we should be asking ourselves that are gonna then help us create a meaningful and and genuine path for uh becoming something great as we define it in on our terms?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna say something that's gonna sound absolutely radical in this age of information and AI and being bombarded with um noise constantly. And I I highly recommend everybody spend a lot more time in quiet alone, which is a lot of people's worst nightmare. Uh people were scrolling and numbing out uh without even knowing it, um, whether it's just watching constant games, the music's always gotta be on, podcast always has to be on, TikTok, whatever it is. And or when people do a self-inventory, they're answering from again, parents, society, spouse, kids. And I feel like so few people are letting themselves even dare to come up with what they want to do or what they think independent of all of these characters. And listen, there is a lot of programming going on. We have all been conditioned, we are being bombarded with messages all the time. I think to purposely not let any of us think independently. So now it's very it's revolutionary to go against this. But I think the more that we can spend quiet time alone and really checking in with ourselves about how we're feeling and think of if you are a parent or not, but think of your favorite animal, dog, cat, or child, and and they came to you and they were upset and needed some care, how you would speak to them. Again, I'm like, with so much going on in our culture, I'm like, some people aren't kind those those things or people, but um provided I think your audience are some kind people here. But I I again it sounds so foreign and almost absurd to people um about speaking to yourself like you would a little child or a little puppy. And why is that absurd? Because most of us, it's like, why'd you say that dumb thing? We're critical. It's the the mother's voice, the father's voice. We all, I think our parents in some way there was criticism growing up, you know, depending. But you know, and then certainly society, it's as as a man or a man, it's like you're never making enough money, a woman, you never look good enough. So there's so many voices. And I think for me, the huge game changer where I have become a completely different person. And this is not always fun, and it can be lonely as hell and and exhausting, but it's spending a lot of time alone and quiet and and checking in um that inventory of your life and starting to see the patterns. And for me, a pattern of this is many people's pattern, the people pleasing, or the putting everybody else's needs before your own. And this this goes along with why we we want or think we want the things we want. We all just want to feel loved. We all just want to feel seen and valued. And so. You know, newsflash and also let me save everybody decades. You can get everything on your vision board and on your wish list and big things, whether it's a billion dollars in the bank, whether it's the dream partner and the life that you you thought that you wanted because that's what you were told. And at least with all my clients and certainly myself, you you get all the things and you still don't feel fulfilled. And you don't feel fulfilled because things and people can't ultimately fill that void within us. It really does come from those simple moments alone. And if you can feel the validation when no one's cheering you on besides you, I feel like only then can you really experience the external success. Um, because otherwise, it just doesn't mean that much because it's on to the next thing or the next thing. I mean, even me just revisiting going back to the state swim meet, you know, it's kind of revisiting that, you know, that world where you never felt good enough. And I was state champion. I was a national champion, but there was always someone faster in another event, or got the bigger scholarship, or got the cover of the magazine. And unless you're Michael Phelps is a swimmer, you're never the best. Oh, no more woman. You're not Katie Ledecki or Michael Phelps, you're never gonna feel good enough. And that what a setup that is. But that's just that's life because everybody has their own version of swimming, you know, your job, or oh, the lady next door is prettier, the guy down the street makes more money. I mean, I hear these things from people constantly. And I think we all have. So the solution now, I think we've understood it to death. My coach said that to me recently. You've understood it to death. I think we need to get out of our heads and into our bodies. And you do that by reflecting, you know, in terms of how you feel, not understanding why we're doing the thing that we're doing. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. Yeah, and and even if you are Michael Phelps, that still doesn't guarantee a sense of fulfillment either, because I'm sure you know yourself uh personally, Kate, a a fair amount of athletes at that level that, and I've seen the interviews too, that have achieved the highest of highs. There's nothing greater in terms of of athletic achievement than becoming an Olympian, let alone a gold medalist, that have said that after that they didn't know what to do with life because their whole worth was tied into that accolade, that thing.
SPEAKER_01That identity. It's an identity.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And are you familiar with Dr. Ben Hardy and the gap in the game?
SPEAKER_01No. But just to finish out the Michael Phelps thought, yeah, to be the most decorated Olympic athlete of all time, and the next week wanting to die by suicide and not wanting to live, that that just illustrates everything I just went on and on about. Um so I want people to, and but again, we we know these stories, we've seen them time and time again. And yet we all still think like, no, but if I just do that thing, or no, but if and it's just no. You know, and and we get where we want to get by working on the vessel first. And again, it's gonna take longer when you're not cheating, scamming, conning, manipulating, controlling everything. It's gonna take longer. I'm just I'm not gonna pretend it isn't. It's gonna take a little longer. But then when you get there, you can actually maintain it, you can sustain it. It actually means something to you. It's not just something that you did to prove to dad that you're good enough, to show those people who did you wrong that you're worthy, to show your younger self that you are worth taking a chance on. When you heal all of that, it's kind of just like I'm doing this because this is what I'm called to do and I'm passionate about it. And then people feel that and and success follows. But uh to back to your point. But I I I just I want to like hug everybody who's listening because I know this, it's it's a little intense, but it's just I'm saying it because I I care and I I I believe in humans so much, still, and despite it all. Um, and I just wish people would believe in themselves a bit more. I believe in their their their mission and their their their worth of doing what actually lights them up.
SPEAKER_03Would you say that cultivating that sense of fulfillment in life is the is the key to that creating that alone time and that reflection time, or is there anything secondary or additional that that you would add when it comes to, all right, Kate, how do I really develop this sense for life that it's just I love it for what is, and it's and it's not tied to what title I have, the three letters after my last name, the car, nothing. There's where do I what's the key to simply enjoying what is?
SPEAKER_01I mean, I everyone would answer that differently. For me, it it is about really getting to know myself on a deeper level and really start to tell myself the truth about my experiences, about the people, about things that have gone on or happened to me, and then also about the world around me and what's what's going on. So, I mean, this is this is a a very a deep philosoph uh philosophical question and answer. And it's I don't know, but it's I don't know to go on and on about it, but I think we feel more fulfilled when we're we have a mission and purpose greater than ourselves, and it isn't about all these externals because we've already just discussed that pitfall. So the internal success of I think becoming the person that our younger self would be really proud of, becoming the person that that person would feel safe around. I think becoming a person that anyone would feel safe around just because of their integrity. And so I think it's it's about looking at the choices that, you know, because even I think of a relative right now, very kind, nice person, but I think their choice to be completely dissociated and disconnected has certainly hurt me, but they didn't intend to do that. So I think again, it goes back to the more you can connect with yourself, then you're able to connect with others in a meaningful way. And so you become that light and that vessel for people rather than become being a person that loved ones or others have to recover from. And, you know, you talked about, you know, growing up with alcoholics, and that's something to recover from. Dating or being raised by a narcissist, it's decades of your life that you have to overcome that. So I think it's, you know, you look at it as fuel, like being a really good, healthy meal for people as opposed to poisoning them, and they have to overcome that. And there's plenty of people who have achieved the pinnacle of financial success who are literally poisoning the world, their products, their services, their communication, who they are as people. It's literally destroying the world. And so I I think I think it's a sobering moment to really reflect on how we want to leave the world, you know, and it's in daily choices, and it it really goes back to integrity and and having to trust yourself, but also trust the process that again it may take longer, but then it's the reward.
SPEAKER_03I do appreciate how genuine you are, and and I just hear as you as you as we're having this conversation, Kate, just your that such strong sense of goodness that's just flowing out of you.
SPEAKER_00And I feel like strong sense of like I feel very fired up right now. So I'm like, you can tell you've been spending too much time alone. So I'm like talking about this thing. I'm like, I can blow up a doll right now. It's like you pull the string and I am like, yeah, very impassioned.
High Achievers Still Doubt Themselves
SPEAKER_03I I love I love anybody that that that you can tell that there's heart behind it. And again, what what could we use more of? People that are that that they're bringing more heart. Now, one thing that as you were saying that, it made me think about a question I posed to my mastermind group about how we are being. And I asked, are we, are you with your daily actions, your thoughts, what you're putting out in the world, are you purifying the environment or are you polluting the environment? Because I believe it's we're either doing one or two of those things. There's not too much in between. Maybe there is, I'm not sure. But generally speaking, with what we with what we put out, that's a question that I like to ask myself too. Am I purifying the world or am I polluting it? And sometimes it can be completely unintentionally until I have that conversation, like, whoa, holy smokes. I I polluted some stuff today. I didn't mean to, but here's here's a way to create clarity and and to to be better tomorrow and and serve people better. With the folks that you work with, you work with a lot of high achievers in across various industries, people that if we saw their names and their rap sheets, we would maybe want to be like, I want that, I want that life, I want that life. They've got it figured out. Yet I imagine they come to you in all sorts of different states. And some of them on paper may look completely full, but they come to you completely broken. What do you see are the gaps that even the high achievers and ambitious people have? What is what is what is most common and what does it look like to fill those gaps?
SPEAKER_01I think everyone struggles with confidence, and I'm not talking about the outer confidence as much as the inner confidence. I feel like everyone can fake it to you make it. People are again, it there's a big difference between performing and embodying. And I feel so many people of all different levels are able to perform. And that's what our culture is all about performance. But I think everyone carries stories with them from childhood, the formative years. They carry, they're still thinking about a comment that a romantic partner or a parent or a friend or bully or somebody said to them. And so, you know, they show up for the the big opportunity, whatever that is. And there's still that self-doubt there and those fears. And again, we're human. It's there. But it goes back to it doesn't matter as people don't need their, don't need help with their jobs, you know, whatever they're whether they're elite athletes or, you know, hedge fund guys who've made so much money and know how to do that. It is more of what does all of this mean? Uh, what kind of legacy do I want to leave behind? Besides I made a bunch of money, um, or I, you know, rose to the ranks in my company, or it's like I was the league's leader and assist this year, but I still don't feel good enough. I still don't have the relationship I want. And so it does all come back to that inner work and that inner journey. And I think we, again, it's a whole step, and this is also consistent work and you need to work on it. And I suggest with a coach or a therapist or a professional, but there's only so much we can achieve through talking as well. It is you kind of do have to go back and it goes back to that inventory. But I think a game changer for me has just been getting really honest with myself. And I think that's something we all struggle with too, because there's not a lot of opportunities to just be honest. It's like, how are you doing? I'm fine. What that means is I have I'm late for work, I gotta take the kids to school, the dog just threw up. I what are we doing for dinner? We're late on this bill. I have money to make, my wife's met. There's a lot of pretending going on. Um, people are that's it's a form of survival, it's self-preservation. So I'm not knocking any of us for doing it. But there there has to be more room for the truth first with ourselves. Are are you telling yourself the truth? Oh, I love what I'm doing. Well, why do you love it? Or, you know, again, I could go on and on. And this, I mean, these questions and these answers, it could be a you know, a 10-day conversation. So I'm trying to keep it brief here, but also give it depth and meaning. But I think if if we're honest with ourselves, we're not honest with ourselves a lot of the time. Um hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully, someone listening does disagrees. But then if you disagree, I hope that you're able to go a little deeper and give me at least one instance today or yesterday or this week where you weren't honest.
SPEAKER_03I love the encouragement about just being honest with yourself, as simple as that sounds. It's a conversation that a lot of people have every day goes like this. Hey Kate, how are you doing? What is your response? Good. Okay. Now, internally you might have all the things going on that you just mentioned, right? So one thing that that I do at at work as a as a people leader is if you Hey Kate, how are you doing? And I and I really want to know, how how are you doing? And if you say good, then especially people on my team, they know what's coming next. I say, Well, tell me what makes good. Why? I want to know. I really do. I I care about you. And sometimes I get that, oh my kids team one or whatever. But then sometimes I also get oh, you know what, I'm actually not good.
SPEAKER_02Like, okay.
Five Ps For Real Confidence
SPEAKER_03I'm giving you space to to share what's going on. I'm here for you. Because I don't want you to carry that extra weight for the course of the day or week or month or year. And it's okay to to not be okay. And don't give the the standard answer that everybody else gives that hey, I'm good, I'm okay, I'm fine. Well, it's okay to not be that thing. Let's find out why, and then perhaps that also gives us the clarity to not be that thing the next day. You mentioned confidence, Kate, and I do want to hit on your five Ps of building confidence. I loved your TEDx at Valpreso. And I leave and I love anything that is simple to remember as well, that people can take away. And the five P's, present patience, purpose, preparation, and practice really stood out to me as something useful to remember and easy to remember to build confidence. So can you hit on that a little bit? Because I often hear also from the audience and people I work with is where does confidence come from? How do we build confidence? And I really love how you break it down.
SPEAKER_01Thanks for that. You know, even it's interesting. This video I saw from a casting director this morning talking about, you know, actors that get the role. And he was saying that he even knows within 20 seconds. And I think this applies to every industry, every date, first dates, especially, every everything is our presence. And and not just, you know, the physical presence, although that's part of it. Even I was cheering at my niece's swim meet, and some lady next to me is like, wow, like you're really into. And I'm like, yeah, it's my niece. It's her senior year state meet. Like, you show up, cheer like you mean it. You know, she's not some random person. It's my niece. She's my everything. So it's it's showing up like you mean it, but also the presence of again, that's the regulation. That's that that inner calibration that you you can't fake. And so so many of you are like, oh yeah, I'm confident I'm this. And you can it's the same with you watch a video on on social media and the people are saying all the words, but I'm like, I don't believe you because energetically, you're not there. It's not a match. So showing up like you mean it. And then I think you get ahead in life, just this one thing is is being so present. You're not distracted, you're not thinking about everything else. You're you're you're with people. This is again what it means to stay human right now. You're making eye contact with people, you're listening when people are talking, you're you're taking them in, you're taking the moment in. I mean, I will take in my audience, like let them feel like I'm here with you. I've got you. So I it's all the things I'm saying today, I think are so simple. And and your audience is smart. Like people understand intellectually, it's putting it into a practice, is another thing, and we'll get to that. But patients, you know, this is even the only reason I'm here. My mother couldn't get pregnant for eight years, and she had a boy and a girl and a year and a half, my brother and me. And so I I and she was able to do it ultimately when the doctor said you're gonna have to adopt if you want children. It's kind of she let it go. So there is this surrendering that we need to do when we're gripping too tight, you're literally repelling your goals, your dreams, your desires. And so it's just, you know, showing up, doing the work, being present, and then that level of confidence to just trust that this or when it's time for me, this thing will happen, or or I'll go down a different path. But either way, I'll be okay. Purpose, we've we've touched on that, and it always needs to be something greater than us. If it's just like I'm doing this because I want to make a quick buck, you might make the quick buck, but uh um, again, people people are smarter than we think and people can feel. That's why, you know, on one hand, I'm just like as a writer and all the AI right now, it's like so disturbing to see all these generic AI posts. But then it's like it makes your human post stand out that much more. So uh preparation, I always think I go back to Kobe Bryant, you know, just as so when you get to the moment, whether it's your presentation, your performance, whatever you're doing, the conversation you need to have, if you're rehearsed, if you're prepared, then you just get to show up. That's how you book the job too. Um, that casting director. See, he mentioned that as well, where you then, if you don't know your lines, you can't play with the scene. They can't ask you to do anything different because you don't know your lines. You got to show up and know your lines, if you will. And then practice. Again, something people, nobody wants to hear. We talked about Michael Phelps. You think of anything, it the the glory, the the the standing on the podium with the Olympic medal around your neck is is almost such an afterthought. So I know this as a swimmer, to everything that went into some races are, you know, the men's 50 free. I mean, the yards, it's like 18, 19 seconds. You're training all day, every day for years for 18, 19 seconds. So you gotta really want it. And I think that goes back to that passion, too is, you know, choose something and choose a path that you're gonna want to show up every day for. But we we first have to show up for ourselves and loving our like, you know, we we kind of throw ourselves to the side. I mean, nothing's ever gonna be more worthy or valuable than yourself. And I think that we've been programmed the opposite. We've been programmed that we're actually not that great. We kind of suck, we're not good enough. So screw yourself, eat crap, don't work out, don't take care of yourself and go tend to everybody else. You gotta like deprogram from that.
Self Love Habits That Cost Nothing
SPEAKER_03What are some what are a few of your favorite things that you do as a reminder or as an act of self-love? Do you have a favorite thing or uh is it a book and a massage? Like, what does that look like for you?
SPEAKER_01Many, many things. I love the spa and all those things. One of my favorite things is to dog lover me is take myself on a walk. You think of how much a dog you I mean, you don't have to say anything. You get the leash and they're going wild. But why are they going wild? Because it's like they get the fresh air, they get to go smell some smells and go on an adventure and maybe see some other people or look at the trees and feel the fresh air on their face. And so it's giving yourself those simple pleasures and joy. For me, a walk in nature, it resets everything. It reminds you that, you know, I actually don't need a million dollars. The walk is free. So, you know, just go look at something beautiful. I'm very into my physical fitness now. So even this sounds so funny to say, but even yesterday, without my trainer being there and just doing six unassisted pull-ups in a row, it just made me feel so good. Again, I'm not winning any award. I'm not impressing anyone. Um, but it was just, I feel so fit and strong. And so when life comes at me, I'm like, I can handle this. Conversations like this, my favorite thing in life, again, this costs no money, is to deeply connect with another human, whether it's your best friend, your relative, or a stranger. I don't think there's anything greater in life than connecting deeply with another being, whether it's an animal or a person. It's great that people, you can have dialogue like this. I mean, I talk to animals, but you know, they don't say anything back, um, verbally at least. So, um, and then so that's my favorite thing to do. So then doing programming where I'm able to talk and interview people. And um, I think something that has helped me recently too is writing. I think when I can write about what's going on and have that outlet, um, that's it's it's a healthy thing to do. And then of course, you know, who doesn't love to travel and go to Italy and, you know, eat pizza and, you know, I want to go see Lady Gaga at Madison Square Garden this week? You know, who doesn't love stuff like that? But simple pleasures to connect with myself or another, nothing better. It doesn't cost a penny.
SPEAKER_03Right. And it's sometimes those things that are Free that give you that you couldn't even put a price tag to it, even if you wanted to. Even a conversation like this right here. Like, I believe this is both lighting us up. And I was reflecting the other day on what are the true luxuries of life. And I and I keep all these flashcards just to see like how is my response to that evolved over time. And it's becoming, I've noticed that it's shifting more and more towards like even these types of conversations. A luxury in life is being able to hear the birds chirping and seeing the trees that you used to walk by and never notice because you were so busy with these AirPods and doing the next thing. And just the ability to see and to be awake. And I'm with you that those really are the I believe some of the most sacred luxuries that many people are not present to. And it's wish more people would realize that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so as you're talking, I'm I'm thinking slow mornings. And then, you know, I just want to bring up sometimes conflicting ideas and contrasts. For instance, you know, I was like, oh, like work is slow right now, for instance, which could change tomorrow or you know, next week. And so I sell myself, but you got to do whatever you wanted today, and you got to have your slow morning and you got to sit and write for two hours and you got to reflect and you got to do all these things and do the podcast. And I had, you know, another podcast and a meeting with my agent and just things like that. And so I think how lovely. Or I got, I was home for some new clothes that got delivered. And it's just like, I think noticing is like, what a dream, because in the past it's like, oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not, I'm not making any money today. Cause that's how I was raised. My worth and value was in what I was producing, how I was performing, who I was impressing, how much money I'm making. And I feel that's so many of us, and none of that really makes us happy. And we all have to make money and and do our thing. But so when things are slow now, I think, you know, get ready. Get ready for those. And I'm not a nine to fiver. Again, I have like a I'm a, you know, own my own business and do my own thing. So, but so maybe that's different from some people listening. But I think it's then, okay, things are slow, that I wish I was making more money this week. But I had time affluence. Like I got to do what I wanted with my time, which, you know, my colleagues and friends who are making a ton of money this week, for instance, and are at work all the time, they didn't get to do that. So, you know, life has its, it's its flows. And I think if something um, you know, or I think there's I I talk about people who are married are like, oh my God, I'd love to be alone. And then people who are alone are like, oh, I would just like some partnership tonight. So it's, you know, you laugh, but I think it's these things where we can give ourselves a little more perspective and um knowing that quieter seasons are preparing us for for what's coming and to make use of that time. And then when we're so busy where it's like, my God, I would love to just sit in silence with nobody around for an hour. You know, so I think it's um appreciating what life is handing us in the moment and not just paying lip service to that, but really making the most of that moment and and making it count. And yeah, because you can be at the gym, like, I don't really feel like working out, but then, you know, when you're at home sick, you're like, oh, I just want to move my body and do something. So I think it's really honoring the season of life that we're in day by day, and and most importantly, really honoring ourselves. You know, you've made it this far. Congratulations. I know the journey hasn't been easy without knowing anything about your journey. And I wish that we would spend more time really honoring ourselves. You know, we get so upset. It's like, oh, this person didn't acknowledge this, this person didn't acknowledge that. But I think if we're honest, we don't really ever acknowledge ourselves.
Redefining Winning As Self Loyalty
SPEAKER_03Right. Yeah, no, and and we need to and normalize that as well. Kate, switching gears a little bit, one conversation that I started having over the past year with all of my guests is understanding what winning means to them. Uh, this being the Win Today podcast, I am discovering more and more that winning isn't it's not a scoreboard, it's not a binary thing, especially to high performers and inambitious folks. I might even say that winning is is having a slow morning, and it's not a bank account number, anything like that. But if I pose that to you, what is winning to you? What speaks to you there?
SPEAKER_01Winning to me is staying true to myself, not abandoning myself, not betraying myself, not selling out, if you will. It's holding on to my morals and values and standards, high standards, very high standards, even when it's frowned upon, even when it means I'm ostracized, even when it means I lose friends or family members, even if it means I lose everything. If I stay true to myself, I've already won. If I have put one foot in front of the other consistently, even when it's hard, even when I feel broken, even when I feel completely alone and I'm I'm still going, I've already won. And there's really no outward reward, no fame, no fortune, no external validation that could ever mean as much as just knowing that I stayed true to me and my integrity when it was so much easier to not do that. That is that is the fast ticket to loving yourself too. When you when you stop abandoning yourself and erasing yourself for others and betraying yourself for others, you've already won. And I will drop every mic in the world and say that. And to everyone who has done that, you've already won.
SPEAKER_03Amen. If I asked that same question to Kate, who was fresh off of her swimming career and entering the world postmasters, and now you're in your career.
SPEAKER_04Would the response have been the same then? No.
SPEAKER_01The response would have been all external. Being the best, being perceived as the best, being ranked the best, with all the money and luxury and everything that comes with that. It would have been about kind of makes me sad. Um, but it's our society. It would have been all about how other people perceived me and thinking that safety and love came from achievement. And that breaks my heart. And it breaks my heart because that's not just my story. I think it's almost everybody's story because that's that's the food that we're fed. That's the poison that we're fed.
Staying Human Movement And How To Connect
SPEAKER_03Mine would have been on a scorecard too. Looking back at the earliest days of my career to now. And I love what you brought up about time affluence. Like there is something to be said about just our time on earth is tomorrow is not guaranteed. The next minute, the next second isn't guaranteed. I I shared with a group of young leaders the other day. Uh they they they brought me in to speak about leadership insights, and one thing that I was that I'm not proud to say is that at the beginning of my career, I it took three years before I took a real vacation. There's nothing cool about that. There's no award or accolade on someone's resume or LinkedIn or whatever that says most time spent in office award goes to dot dot dot. Because imagine if if my life had ended before that. That look at all these experiences that I that I don't have, and oh yeah, Ryan was the guy that lived in the office. And that certainly it had cost some relationships at at the time, but knowing what I know now, it's not anything it's not a line item on my on a resume. And I love what you said, Kate. Like it's being true to your to yourself that has nothing to do with you you could do that with a million dollars or zero dollars. It requires nothing but that relationship with yourself and loving yourself. You have another book coming out. I wanna make sure we highlight that the the amazing work that you do, because I I believe in you and I believe in that you help make humans better and our world a better place. So with that, I know that if people do get a a piece of your work that they too can be made better. So in addition to the full spirit workout, uh, what's next?
SPEAKER_01I am writing a book about humanity and what it means to stay human right now in our lives, personally, professionally, collectively, culturally. And it is a very profound moment that we're living in, a world I I didn't know what to expect, but a much different world than I grew up in. And I'm seeing people losing their humanity or think that it's just something that they get to have because they are human, but it it does require participation. It does require effort. And um for everyone who only cares about the bottom line and getting ahead, it also is the key to, you know, advancing in the external world. So um I'm having a lot of fun with writing about what it means to stay human right now and over on Substack. So I'm putting it all together right now, and that will be coming out to continue to do programming in the media around this topic and um talking about issues that matter, even if they're wildly uncomfortable for people to discuss, I feel like that's my jam too, because if we're uncomfortable, that shows the work that needs to be done. And I think having these conversations with friends and family and colleagues and strangers and making this more normal than all the other stuff, all the doom and gloom and death and destruction and all the hatred that's out there. I think, you know, as someone who has been in the media for my whole career, but we're we're the media every day and what we choose to speak and preach and not say. So, you know, I just I I want to invite everybody to get in touch with their humanity and without me explaining what that means to me or, you know, in general, what that means to you to stay human right now and say, well, what do you mean? What does that mean to you? And to reflect on that. What does it mean to stay human right now? Um, I would love to hear everybody's answer. I would love for people to, you know, write me a note or get in touch with me. And, you know, I did this today and it made me think of you because I stayed human. That's that's the movement that I want to create and want people to think about and reflect on and talk about. And when you think of me, I want you to think of that. And when you're having a low moment or a high moment, how can I make this celebratory moment more human? Maybe it's putting the phone down and instead of creating content, it's just being in that moment of like, wow, I I made it, I did it. Maybe in that place of despair, it's not spiraling down and you know, scrolling on TikTok and numbing out. It's it's sitting with it and sitting with the pain. And it's like, you know what, I'm staying human because I'm not avoiding this difficult feeling.
SPEAKER_04What does it mean to stay human?
SPEAKER_03That's the question to answer, reflect on, and reach out to Kate about Kate, what's the best way to keep up with you and be evangelists for your mission?
SPEAKER_01I'd love to connect with everyone on LinkedIn, IG, uh, Substack. My website is Kate Ekman.tv, K-A-T-E-E-C-K-M-A-N.tv, as in television, and keep the conversation going. But just know that I'm rooting for you. That's how I stay human. I root for all humans, whether I personally know you or not, because I know it's a very challenging and also rewarding experience to be human, and even more so in this world to stay human when we are literally being taught to do anything but that and given millions of ways to escape and stay being human on a daily basis. So, you know, you're a real rebel if you're staying human in 2026 and beyond. Let's go.
The Artist's Way And Closing
SPEAKER_03Let's go. Last one that I ask every guest what's one book besides yours that you recommend we read this year, either to become more human, stay human, or just simply upgrade our way of being.
SPEAKER_01This is interesting. This came to mind that they're like, again, I get a lot of downloads. I'm very intuitive. It's like, tell them this. I'm like, okay. And I read this book and did the practice, gosh, 25, 26 years ago, which is wild considering I'm only 27. Um, but it's called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. And I think that this will help you stay human now because it's a lot of practices to get you out of your head and in your body with her morning pages where you just, it's that stream of conscious writing. You get all the gunk out. So then you can tap into your inner artist and your creativity and your human, I will say. And um, you know, not everybody's meant to be an artist professionally, and there's many different types of artists, but I think everybody is an artist, whether it's, you know, my art is speaking and writing. I can't draw or sing to save my life. And so I think it's just getting back into our creativity, which is another way to say get back into your humanity. And I think that these outlets are super helpful now for positive things and for overcoming obstacles and challenges. So The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, I think is a really great place to kind of tap into some of the themes and concepts that we've spoken about today.
SPEAKER_03I love that. That's uh first time I've heard that book. So new one for the list. Kate, thank you so much for your time, your insights, your passion, and your heart. Really enjoyed it. And uh thank you for being a vessel in this world and encouraging us to be more human, stay human, and win today. Thank you.
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