Win Today

#262 | WT Remix - Good Mood Revolution: Your State Of Being Is A Choice, Maximize It. Ft. Matt O'Neill

• Season 6

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Your brain is wired to spot problems—but that doesn't mean you have to live stuck in stress, guilt, or overwhelm. In this conversation, Matt O'Neill shares practical ways to reframe negative thoughts, build emotional resilience, and create lasting happiness through simple daily habits like gratitude, journaling, and forgiveness. If you're ready to strengthen your mindset, improve your relationships, and show up as your best self, this episode is packed with actionable takeaways.

Key Takeaways:

  • Why your negative thoughts aren't the enemy—and how to work with them.
  • Matt's simple 5-step daily journaling practice for better mental fitness.
  • How forgiveness and gratitude can transform your relationships and overall happiness.

Connect with Matt: https://mattoneill.com/podcast/

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Training Your Brain To Notice Wins

SPEAKER_00

Is I write down three things I win at. One three things from the day before that were wins. And usually I end up with four or five. You know, and I'm not, you know, some days I've struggled to come up with three things that I did well the day before. This is a really powerful process. Because again, it goes back to that guilt. I'm not doing enough. I'm not good enough. Once we start to, and that's coming from a powerful place too, because our mind is like, do more, do more, do more, it'll be helpful for you. You'll survive more. You'll stack more money, and then if anything happens, you'll have money and you can pay for it, and you'll be okay. So it's not trying to hurt us. What it does is it's always the mind's always looking at what are we not doing right? We can fix it. Because it needs to be fixed. What it doesn't do is super crazy, man. It doesn't tell us what is going well. Unless we ask it. And we we have to ask it what is going well. Consciously. Because if it's going well, like go back to us living in tribes in Savannah. If it was going well, we didn't need to spend energy on it. Because it took all of our energy to go get food and survive and not do things wrong or not get kicked out of the tribe or not say the wrong thing. So the brain only spent its energy on what wasn't going well, because if it was going well, great, you got that covered. I don't need energy on it.

Choices And The Gratitude Lens

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Win Today. This show is crafted for those who want to win in every aspect of their lives. Every week you will learn from a renowned thought leader that will share a piece of a winning playbook that you can incorporate into your life. If this show has a positive impact on you and you see value in it, please share it with somebody and leave a rating and review so we can help more people win. Who are you gonna be today? We have that choice. I recently got to hear from Jim Quick at an event in Boston, which I'll share more about on the podcast next week. And he said something really compelling. Life is the C the letter C. Life is the C between B and D. B and D representing, as you may guess, birth and death. Life is the C between B and D. The C are your choices. Life is a culmination of your choices. Who are you going to be? Who do you choose to be today? And if there's somebody that I could choose to be like, it's our guest, Matt O'Neill. Matt is a dear friend and someone that I really look up to. And he wrote the book Good Mood Revolution, which came out last year, and we had a fantastic conversation, which I'm bringing this one back as this was one of the most highly rated episodes in 2025, and just one that I believe right now at this time of year is a great one for a refresher for some, but for many of the new folks that have just started listening to the podcast, that I want you to be able to take advantage of. And as we dive into the book and our discussion, one thing I want to pull out that goes back to who are we choosing to be right now? And I believe after you hear Matt, you'd be like, man, if I chose to be like him, I'd be pretty damn good off, pretty damn good in my life.

Two Picnic Mindsets And Their Results

SPEAKER_01

Speaking of choices, Matt references gratitude a lot in his book. And one thing that is really cool is this story that Tony Robbins told him at an event about choosing gratitude. There's two people that are having a conversation with God while on a picnic. One was grateful and one was not. The ungrateful person complained to God and said, you know, God, why did you make it so hot here? I'm sweating, it's uncomfortable. If you're the master of the universe, why don't you just make it 75 degrees and sunny all the time? And and then once this person moves into the shade, what do they start complaining about? Man, these freaking mosquitoes, why do we have to even invent these things? Who decided to create these mosquitoes? So this person is just ungrateful by choice and looking at all the negative. Now the other person at the park that day was the grateful person. And this is what their conversation with God sounded like. God, thank you for this beautiful day. I love when the sun is out because it just makes me so happy. I don't know what you did to suspend this giant ball of fire in the middle of space to just keep us warm, but it's so remarkable. And you created these trees to give me shade, and I love sitting in the shade on a nice summer day. And thank you for these mosquitoes because they teach me so much about life. So of those two people, which one do you think that God or the universe or whatever you believe in is more likely to bless? The one who complains or the one who expresses gratitude for everything? Who would you choose to spend time with of those two people? And listening to that, which person do you often choose to be yourself? Are you the one that is complaining and moaning and groaning about the the hot summer day, or the one that uh is praising God and the universe for thank you for creating this beautiful sun that uh can strike my skin and make me feel alive. Who are you choosing to be? And I believe that uh Matt can really help you choose to be in a good mood in a state of gratitude as frequently as possible. So as you think about this and as you listen to this conversation conversation, think about who are you choosing to be? And it's my wish that you choose a good mood because you are in full control of the emotions that you carry day in and day out.

Integrity And Relationships As Priority

SPEAKER_00

What makes me really proud that's not on my resume? You know, I was at uh I was at the I Love Coaching event that Adam Roach puts on, and John Maxwell was speaking, and John said, I want to be admired most by the people who know me best. And man, I'm proud to say that that's my number one goal. That that it it's it's great to make a positive impact in the lives of people I don't know, and that I was actually reading the reviews on my book just this week, and I I came to tears about people saying how their lives had transformed just reading the book, and uh and that's great. But I want to make a bigger impact in my children's lives and in my wife's life, and I really want to pour into those relationships, and that's something that not everybody gets to see. Uh, and that's also why it can get pushed to the side. But I it's a it's a huge focus of mine to be to be the biggest hero to the people who know.

SPEAKER_01

If you weren't in the room and you were the topic of conversation, what would you wish and hope that the people that are most meaningful to you would have to say about you and the impact that you have in their lives?

SPEAKER_00

That I that I care. That I care about them and that I would stop anything to help them. And uh and that that for me that's uh that's the most important thing is that it that we are we are all busy. You're super busy, you got a lot of things going on. I've got a lot of things going on. And I really want to prioritize these relationships. And this isn't always the easiest thing. So this morning, um, well, last night, my mom said, Okay, hey, you're gonna take me to have my car fixed, right? And I said, Yeah, we're we're gonna go. She said, It's tomorrow morning. I'm like, oh, tomorrow morning. Yep, we're gonna go. And this is the third or fourth time that she's reminded me that I'm gonna take her to get her car, you know, just like follow her to the dealership and and bring her home. And she said, Well, they open at 8. I said, Oh, perfect. Well, you know, I'll I'm on Friday mornings, it's just me and the kids. I let Katie have her space and I take care of the kids on Friday. I said, I've got the I got the kids, I'm gonna get them ready, I'll drive them to school, and then I'll go get my workout done and I'll be at your place around 8:30, 845. And she goes, Oh. Yeah, I was really hoping it was gonna be 8 when they opened. I was like, Well, I mean, it could probably just be 8.45, right? Like it's a car dealership that they take cars at any time in the morning. And then, and then my wife says, You know what? You I'll take your mom. I'll take her, and then and then you get your workout in. I know you got a busy day tomorrow. I was like, okay. And then as I was about to go to bed that night, this was last night, I said, Katie, I'm gonna take my mom. And I sent her a text that said, Hey, I committed to you that I was gonna take you. Here's what I'll do: I'll drop the kids at school, and then I'll come to your house at 7:30, and you and I can sit and have coffee for 30 minutes. And then we'll go and be there right on time at 8 o'clock, and I'll find a different time to get the workout in. And that's what I did. And so this is like it it's not the easiest decision all the time because we've got these competing priorities, but it is a big focus of mine to put my priority number one. I write this all the time. Like one of my one of my top three life goals. It's actually the first life goal I write down. Uh weekly and my journal, I have three life goals that on my weekly section. And the first one I write down is relationships are my number one priority.

SPEAKER_01

I love that. That's amazing. And I appreciate that you put that into action, and that one thing you mentioned is that you know, holding your word is extremely important, and there's much mention of integrity and being your word in good mood revolution. So it's refreshing to hear that it's inspiring to hear rather that you're being a steward of your word and the teachings of good mood revolution. Matt, one thing that our our good friend Chris Singleton said that I often think about and share when I'm telling stories about why I do what I do is that everybody has a story behind a stance. And of all the ways that we could serve people in this world, there's countless ways we can serve people in this world, whether it's through mindset

Childhood Wounds To Addiction To Purpose

SPEAKER_01

coaching, whether it's through home services, everyone's got something that really drives them to do what they do. What's the story behind the stance for choosing to focus on igniting good the good mood revolution? And what was it in your life that ultimately served as the catalyst for going down this journey and impacting lives in the way that you do today?

SPEAKER_00

Every every single uh role model can be such a blessing, even the ones that are at the time don't seem like it. And so for me, my dad was uh was somebody that had that I had a lot of challenges with, and he was a really tough dad to be raised by. And then he left our family when I was five, and he didn't want anything to do with me. And he wasn't somebody that upheld his end of the bargain. He didn't keep his promises. He wasn't there for his four children, and it was heartbreaking, and it had me think that I was that I wasn't worthy of his love, and that actually I wasn't worthy of God's love. That was it, that was a big one for me. I'm like, man, it's I'm like, what's wrong? You know, I'm just five, you know, I'm a five-year-old kid, but I'm like, what's wrong with me? Why did God not love me enough to give me a dad that would be there and protect me? And I couldn't reconcile it, I couldn't figure it out. You know, again, I was just a kid. And so then I got into a bunch of bad moods. It and as I grew older, that kind of thought that I'm unlovable, there's something wrong with me, that kind of festered, and I wanted to prove that I was lovable. So I tried it as much as I could to accomplish. I'm like, oh, if I just people like me when I'm doing well, and they like put me up on a pedestal and say, like, look at how well he did. So I'll just keep accomplishing and accomplishing. And but I still felt really bad. And uh, and then I it turned into a bunch of addiction. And through addiction, I started to be really destructive. And it was self-destruction. And this is kind of what addiction always is. Addiction is an attempt to feel good, which is admirable. I wanted to feel good. I didn't know how. I'm taking the easy road to feel good, but ultimately it's because you you know there's something wrong. And then uh, and then one day it just it just came to me through the grace of God. I was given some, like my cousin said, Hey, you should watch this movie, the movie The Secret. And I saw The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I was 25, and she said, Everything in your life is created by your thoughts and emotions. All the good in your life is created by your positive thoughts and emotions, and all the bad in your life is created by your negative thoughts and emotions. You know, this is the law of attraction. And I was like, I had never heard it, I didn't know what was going on, and all, and it just blew my mind. And so I went on a quest to figure out how I can stop having these negative thoughts and emotions, and how can I create really positive thoughts and emotions? And the law, I they say, you know, she calls it the law of attraction. It's not in my book. I talk about this is this is level six of 16. But man, it when you when you come from where I came from, which was level one, I'm not worthy of love, level six, which is hey, you can manifest the life you want, it feels amazing. And so I dove super hard into that, and then it turned into just an obsession with trying to help other people, including myself, uh, live happier and happier and happier and heal all the pain that had been passed down to us or that we had decided when we were little kids. Because it's not necessary. We don't have to suffer like that.

SPEAKER_01

As you were explaining that, it brought me back to my early years. And you know, we had a similar conversation recently on your podcast about what's the genesis for why we do what we do. And you know, what you and I share in common is that both of our fathers have struggled and in many ways unintentionally also served as our greatest teacher. In that in those moments, isn't that cool? You know, and that's one thing to extract from that is that even the people that we encounter in our lives that may hurt us or that may we we may perceive more negative experiences. There is positive that can be extracted. And these people can still teach us and give us something that is going to serve us for decades to come. And that's that's what I heard. The that's the impact that I heard that your father had on you. Is there anything that dude?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I wanted to tell a quick story here, Ryan.

Forgiveness Through A New Story

SPEAKER_00

Have you heard of the children's book, The Little Soul in the Sun? It was it's a children's book written by Neil Donald Walsh. And he was the author of a book called Conversations with God that was a really big seller in the in the late 90s and early 2000s. But he wrote this little children's book, I and I bought it and read it to my kids, but it had more impact on me than the kids. And the story is there's a little soul up in heaven, and and he's talking to God, and he's like, God, what am I? And God said, You're the light, you're all that's good in the world. You are love and joy and peace and fun and creativity. It's like you you are just the light of the world. And the soul's like, What's the light? And God said, Oh, that's right. You can't see it because you're surrounded by all that is good here in heaven. You're like a candle, it's this beautiful bright light, but you're sitting on the surface of the sun, and so you can't even see yourself. And the soul says, Well, how can I know myself? How can I see myself as the light? How can I figure out what I am? And God's like, Well, to do that, you'd have to go into the darkness. And the little soul said, Well, that sounds that sounds interesting. And God's like, Yeah, I mean, it's not going to be easy, but if you want to, if you really want to know yourself as light, that's what you got to do. And he said, Okay, well, let's do it. And God said, Well, you should probably work on something while you're while you're doing this. You know, is there any kind of quality you want to grow in yourself that you want to learn about? And he thought about it for a while and he said, You know, I'd I'd like to work on forgiveness. And God's like, Oh, it's a great one. Good choice. He said, Well, go get one of your friends and see if one of your friends will help you learn this quality of forgiveness. And so he goes and he grabs a buddy. He's like, Hey man, will you help me with with forgiveness? And his buddy's like, Oh, I love you a lot, man. That's a tough one, but I'll do it. And his friend starts to put on these dark cloaks and he becomes becoming starts to look sadder and sadder and sadder. And little soul's like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm helping you. And God says, All right, are you guys ready? And they're like, We're ready. And then he sends them both down into the darkness of earth. One is the father and one is the little boy.

SPEAKER_01

Wow. Wow, I never knew that story.

SPEAKER_00

Did you it's powerful, man? And it it starts to have you see that all these people we think were uh were hard for us may have actually been buddies that were just playing a role to help our development.

SPEAKER_01

What did forgiveness look like to your father?

Healing By Remembering The Good

SPEAKER_00

Man, I was at a Tony Robbins Date with Destiny event, and uh he took us, he he did this meditation, and it's you know, I there's like 10,000 people there. And so when a whole group of people is in a meditation like that, there's an energy to it. And there's there was just this energy in the room, and he's like, and he's asking me about my earliest memory. And so I'm in this meditation, I'm going back to my earliest memory, and I'm I picture myself uh at Disney World. My brother was taking me on the teacups, and we were playing on uh Dumbo's ears, and I was like three years old. It was my earliest memory. It's the memory I always went to when people said, What's your earliest memory? And then he said, No, there's a memory earlier than that, and then bam, my consciousness was just flooded with earlier memories. And I started to see, I saw the day that my dad came and picked me up from my daycare, and my little brother was being born, and then I saw all like immediately I saw all of these happy memories where we would we were feeding horses and we were fishing and we were like going to the arcade or going to a game, and like I had suppressed all of the good times to protect myself. The good times weren't useful to me when you're when somebody can really hurt you, so I didn't want to like just as a survival, I had suppressed anything that was positive so that I knew to keep my distance. But by the time the meditation was over, I was just crying, tears were coming down my face, and I called my dad and I was like, Man, I forgot, I forgot all the good times. And I said, I I saw today that you really did love me. And then he said, Of course I love you. And our relationship was changed uh from that point forward. And we flew him to Charleston, and uh we flew him back to Charleston, and um and and we were really healed. And it was it it it took a meditation to unlock something that I had that I had kept locked up.

SPEAKER_01

What did it feel like after you told him those words?

SPEAKER_00

Like, dude, I'm you know, it's it's it it was a it was a total block for everything. I had I had guarded my heart. And so probably this this one relationship would being until. Guarded and being open opened up my heart to all relationships. And then I was able to be more free, more open, right? I in in you know, one of the things he used to tell me is men don't cry. You know, I'm five. He doesn't want to hear me whining as a five-year-old. So I didn't cry for like 30 years. And then it it and then it's only been over the last six, seven, eight years that I've been able to actually experience the emotion of sadness again. And this was part of that process of opening my heart and allowing myself to feel all the emotion.

SPEAKER_01

It's interesting how our beings are so very much influenced by our youngest selves. And I often express explain our life is everybody's wearing a backpack. Everybody in this world is wearing a backpack. And we're often unconscious to what's in the backpack or not aware of all the things that we could be holding on to that aren't serving us well, that aren't allowing us to experience the next level relationships, or just our best version of ourselves, until we really go back and understand and dig through like, okay, what is actually in here? I'll never I'll never forget the day I forgave my dad and what was in my backpack, theoretical backpack for 15 years at the time were all the times that he came home late, the times that there was the infidelity with my mother, the broken promises, everything. And how was I living my life at that time? I was upset, I was destructive, I justified those things saying, Well, I've got the quote gene, it's just in me. Because that's the response that he gave me. And then I made a decision.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I figured I figured I'm like, oh, I just inherited a shortcut.

SPEAKER_01

And you justify all these things. We we fabricate evidence, which we'll get into here in a second. And I remember I was driving with him, yeah, and I was done. I just at that point I was like, I'm done. I'm

Happiness As A Skill You Train

SPEAKER_01

done with with holding on to all these things and kind of recognized, holy smokes, I've got boulders in my backpack. No wonder I'm always upset or not experiencing my best life. And I said, Dad, there's been a lot that's happened in our lives. You know, I know that you didn't mean all of it, and I know that you love us, and from this point on, I'm choosing to put all of that in the past, and I forgive you. And I remember he started, and and this is making me tear up too. I remember growing up, you know, living uh living the life that, hey, tough guys don't cry. And, you know, he just broke down right in front of me. That was one of the first times I'd really seen him just break down like crazy. But that's one of the most best days of my life, too, because while some of the behavior didn't stop after that point, my backpack was empty and I wasn't letting anything else in there. And I chose to just live through love and live through love versus holding on to the past.

SPEAKER_00

You said a really important thing there. You said a really important thing. The behavior didn't change.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_00

His behavior didn't change. And and and my dad's didn't either. But I changed. And that that's that was the point. The point was that you had your transformation. You you became a loving, forgiving version of yourself, and that that was your mission as a little soul. And what if he chooses to change or not, that's up to him. You you forgiving. This is a lot of times where forgiveness can go wrong for you know if for the person listening. We we were like, Well, I forgave you, now I need you to be better. It doesn't matter how they are, because forgiveness isn't really a gift for them. It doesn't, and it's also not like letting them off the hook, it's just releasing the backpack, as you said, from yourself. Forgiveness is a gift to give them.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. That's a great way to put it. And on that, I also see forgiveness as something that can be a skill. You talk about happiness as a skill that is developed. I remember growing up thinking that happiness is this emotion that we choose, and happiness sometimes, my my antiquated thinking was I had the when I then I syndrome. When I achieve X condition, then I will be happier. When all this junk at home stops, then I'll be happy. What's the what's some context behind happiness is a skill, and how have you cultivated that skill in your life now? What does that

Mastermind Invitation And Accountability

SPEAKER_01

look like? Discipline is a key component of this podcast and a key thing that we preach. We view discipline as the fuel to help you create the life that you ultimately desire, and discipline being the fuel that gets your habits and systems in check so that you can actually accomplish your goals. If you're looking to level up in 2025, I am happy to be a part of that and encourage you to join the Unshakable Discipline Mastermind Group. This has been my baby for a couple years, and we're finally launching it here in 2025. The group consists of a self-paced course that teaches you how to form core habits and mindset that will allow you to accomplish your goals, a daily accountability channel to keep you on track, motivated, and in alignment with our members, and weekly mastermind sessions where you're going to learn from either myself or a suite of renowned guests, many who have been on the podcast that are going to share pieces of their winning playbooks directly with you. I've learned that being a part of groups over the years has helped propel me to so many new levels in life. If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, then go together. And it's my wish that the unshakable crew is a choice that makes sense for you in 2025. We are growing up to 100 members this year and have limited time founding member pricing for 12 more folks before we permanently increase pricing to $97 a month. You can get in now for $67 a month, locked in for life, and be a part of the adventure that we're creating with our members. If you're somebody that craves discipline, seeks it, or wants it this year, and you're really committed to making lasting changes in your life and being around others that are committed to winning and serving the world and sharing what they learn with others so that we make this world a better place, then join the unshakable crew, go to unshakabeldiscipline.com, and you can sign up. It is also in the show notes.com, and we're excited to have you in 2025. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00

Takes a

The One-Hour Reset That Changes Your Day

SPEAKER_00

lot of it takes a lot of effort and it and nothing's worth more effort. Because it doesn't we we're happy, you know, we're happy to put in a bunch of effort at work. All right, I'm gonna work my tail off, I'm gonna I'm gonna do my best I can in my career, and I'll and I'll work eight to ten hours a day for 40 years on this career. We're happy to put in effort there. Or we'll put in effort in our physical body. You know, I'm gonna go to the gym or I'm gonna go for a run and I'm gonna do this five or six days a week because I want to be in peak physical condition. And yet we think we're just supposed to naturally be happy. The mental health piece, we just think, oh, we're just supposed to have that. It doesn't take any effort. You this just that's just a given. I should just have that. But it's it's exactly the same as developing your skills at work, and it's exactly the same as developing your physical skills, and it takes just as much effort. But I'll argue that developing our happiness is the master skill that unlocks all the other ones because it's proven many scientific studies have shown that happy employees earn more money, happy salespeople are like twice as productive. And and by the way, who wants a bunch of money if you're miserable anyway? It doesn't even matter like that you're miserable. So, or or who needs a perfect body if your relationships are all falling apart? You know? So happiness is the skill to develop. And uh just this morning I woke up and I and I had I could just feel negativity, and it it took me an hour with a journal. It took me an hour with a journal to figure out what negative thoughts were there because they weren't obvious and they weren't apparent. And then to reframe them, to first I had to get the uh there ended up being five negative thoughts I could come up with, and I put them all down on a piece of paper, and then I worked on each one and and thought, okay, well, how else could I see this? Could I see this differently? And then is there any action I should take from this? Because all negative thoughts, I call them bad moods in the book, but they're not bad, they're good. All negative thoughts are trying to do something helpful for us. It's our brain like trying to help us. We the negative thoughts don't serve no purpose. They're not there to like harm us, they're there to help us. It's just like if you touch a stove and your hand burns and it hurts, that pain is helpful. So all this pain, this emotional pain is really helpful too. It's saying, hey, watch out. There's something here you need to do, there's something you have to address here. That's all this negative thoughts are. It is a helpful nudge to do something different or to see things a different way. But that took an hour of time. And I'm sure the person listening is gonna say, I don't have an hour of time. Well, it it took me from 4:30 a.m. to 5 30 a.m. And because I I purposefully allow myself this kind of space without without my phone, my phone's on airplane mode, and without having any other things to do, I didn't have to take care of my kids. I do the gym later. I was taking my mom after I did the kids. So I was able to get all this done before the kids woke up, before I did all their lunches, before I ended up um, you know, taking them to school, before I had coffee with my mom, before I took her to the to the car shop, and then before I went to the gym, and then before uh, you know, I had other things going on in my workday. And I still had time, this hour to work on my happiness. And I it was the most important hour because if I hadn't done it, if I didn't have that space, I could have been grumpy with my kids or standoffish, and then they could have been in a bad mood. And then they could have could have gone into school and you know, then they could have gotten in trouble maybe because they just weren't feeling great. And maybe I wouldn't have been that cool to my mom. And then the two of us could have been cold with each other. Maybe Katie and I could have gotten in a tip. Like, who knows? But instead, I took all that negativity, worked on it, changed it. And then by the time I saw my kids, man, we were having a blast. Like we had the best morning. And Katie started to lose it a little bit because she's potty training our our three-year-old boy. And he's he's not he's not picking up what she's putting down, and he continues to not potty train. And she's she's feeling a bunch of pressure, which is a negative thought, by the way. Um I didn't tell her that. But the pressure, the pressure's not necessary. We can, and that's one of the chapters, the chapter on joy. Uh, so but I but my mood was so high that I was able to sustain a place for her when she was when she was falling this afternoon and be like, hey, you know, I we got this together. You know, and she's like, Well, hey, could you go get Kelly? And I said, I've got the space, like, let me go get Kelly. And I went and got Kelly, and I and and I and she got a chance to take a shower and actually take care of herself. All because I spent an hour to get rid of the negativity, was I able to truly serve my wife? And what's more important for me? I told you, relationships are my number one. So can we dig into that?

SPEAKER_01

A little more that someone listening might be thinking, okay, I woke up with some negative thoughts this morning as well. And how can is there a certain construct? Is there certain questions that we should be asking ourselves about these negative thoughts or bad moods that we may be having so that we can work towards understanding, okay, what is the good that it's that it's giving us, as you mentioned. There's good that can be extracted. So what's something that we can do uh as a practical exercise uh to follow your lead here?

The Five-Step Journal Process

SPEAKER_00

Absolutely. The the number one tool in our happiness toolkit is a journal. And my journal process is five steps. And it's and the first step is negative thoughts. Some days I don't have any. And I I get to my journal and I'm like, I feel good. Like I actually feel amazing. So negative thoughts, that's not a thing on those days. And and that's like maybe four, five, even six days out of seven, but at least one out of seven, at least one, and for me, and this is all I do, I I'm a happiness coach. At least one out of seven, there are negative thoughts that I have to address. But I start there. I start my the journal process is you sit down, I have a cup of coffee because coffee makes me feel good. And I'm sipping my coffee and I'm just searching my mind. Are there any negative thoughts? And um, so so my first negative thought was uh I'm disconnected from the people at my office. I wrote it down. I'm feeling disconnected from the people in my office. And then the next negative thought was um I made a selfish choice with my daughter. I chose to put a surgery just before her big cheer competition. I'm I'm selfish. And then the next negative thought, um, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to think of all five. That's fine, that helps. Yeah, just basically. These are two good examples. These are these are our these are our first, these are our first two. And but I before I started to fix them all, and this is a really important thing, get all the negativity out. Like one day, uh I went through and I said, Man, my face is ugly. You know, I wrote, and but I wrote it down, and this is just that was just a thought, it was one of the negative thoughts that I had. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, doesn't even matter if it's harsh. Another thing, I another day on that same day I said, I was a douchebag to my friend Brewer. So I was calling myself a name, right? And and you want to write like the real stuff. If douchebag is in your vernacular and your negative thoughts, write that down. Don't clean it up, don't church it up, just write down whatever the negativity is because it's in there. And so if you try to, if you try to filter the negativity, it still stays in there. I I see this as a chance to dump the backpack onto the page. And then once I got them all out, and I've got five of them there, then the next step is okay, how can I reframe these? So going to the first one, it was I feel disconnected with the with the people in my company. And that's that can be bad because if if I'm disconnected, I I own a real estate company. Agents can leave and they do all the time. It's like a pretty high turnover, um high turnover position. And so uh I just reframed it. And my reframe was we're more connected this year than we've ever been, which is which is a truth. Like we've been more focused on um one-on-one lunches and uh creating a but a really empowering environment, trainings. Like I brought I brought on all these different trainers, I started to list them out, and then and then I asked myself, is there any action I could take? And I said, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna text every one of them today individually. And so I wrote that down as an action text every person in my company. And then the next negative thought was I made a selfish decision with my daughter. I I scheduled a surgery the day before her cheer competition because it was the opening that was coming up next. And that that means I might not see the first day of her cheer competition. I was just feeling selfish about that. And I reframed it and I said, Well, I'm gonna see her second day of the cheer competition, and every single night, I am I spend time every single night right now helping her with her cheer routine. Like nightly, before she goes to bed, her and I work on this cheer routine that she's doing. And I and I just said, I'm not selfish with my daughter, I'm giving her everything I've got. And I wrote down action, is there any action I can take here? And the answer was no. I just needed to see that even though I felt selfish, I actually had counterpoints that said I wasn't selfish in this arena. And so the counter, like when you when you write the reframe next to the negative thought, I just figure it like it neutralizes it. It's like it's like maybe you know, when I'm camp, we go camping and you get some water and it might have some bacteria in it, but you can put some iodine or some some pills in it and it neutralizes the the stuff that can harm you, and then you can drink the water and it's clean. That's kind of how I see these negative thoughts.

SPEAKER_01

I love the the simple, the simplicity of it. And one thing that's interesting is you know, you reference Byron Cady's work a good bit in in Good Mood Revolution. And I just got her book as well. It got recommended from a recent podcast guest. Absolute masterclass. And one of the key questions that she poses is what makes a thought true. We can often fabricate evidence that we are selfish or that we are disconnected and completely disregard the evidence that we have manufactured. That no, actually, we're way further along because of all the things that we've done to have team building events or all of the nights that you've spent with your daughter. It's easy sometimes for us to fabricate evidence and ignore what we've manufactured. And this goes into really the power that we possess. I was listening to a recent podcast episode you had on Good Mood Revolution, and you were talking about belief systems and how you previously struggled with maybe things such as I'm not worthy, or maybe I am a terrible boss. What are some beliefs that you found yourself often fabricating evidence for that you had to work on the hardest to shift to develop the sense of confidence that you have today and the confidence that you possess and bring to the table in every endeavor that you go on.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, in the in the book I talk about the eight it the eight bad moods, and there's only eight. Every single negative feeling we can ever have falls into one of the eight buckets of bad moods, and those are shame, which which was my biggest one. It was the it was what we started this episode with. I feel unlovable or unworthy of love. And that's just that was a big, that was a linchpin lie. It was a lie, and that one belief from that stemmed like maybe thousands of other beliefs. And then I had all this evidence that was pointing to the fact that I really was unlovable or unworthy worthy of love, and then I had to prove that I was. And that was useful. Again, it was my mind helping me. At least my mind thought it was helping me. My mind was like, oh, do more and do more and do more. And it thought, then you'll be finally, you'll be worthy of love, and then you'll have everything you want. But it never was going to work because I had this linchpin belief I was unlovable. As soon as I was able to turn that around and pull that linchpin because it wasn't even true, the whole belief structure just crumbled. And I found the truth, which was I was that beautiful little soul that was the light of the world, and that it was just a cloak of darkness that wasn't even true. And this is what's neat about darkness. As soon as you shine the light on it, it wasn't even true.

The Core Beliefs Behind Bad Moods

SPEAKER_00

It's not even there. Like nothing needs to happen. All you need to do is turn on the light and the darkness goes away. So that that was a major negative belief. But I've had all eight of them. And so the next negative belief is this is guilt. And guilt says people deserve to be punished for the things they do wrong. That's a big one. And man, look at look at all the political campaigns that go on, and it's all this guilt-driven content. I was raised in a Catholic family, and Catholic, um, there's a lot of guilt there. I had to go into a tiny room with a man who told me to tell him everything I'd done wrong, and then he told me that I had to repent for all the things I'd done wrong. Like it was ingrained, and I had all this evidence that I that I just need to be punished all the time. Well, that also is a super destructive belief. And as soon as I pulled that linchpin out that people deserve punishment for doing things wrong and replaced it with a truer truth, which is if you do things wrong, there's consequences, but no more punishment is required. The consequence was enough. And there's always a consequence because karma is absolute. Like every, you know, the Bible says every single hair is counted, right? So everything that we do, good or bad, this is why integrity is so important, why it's so important to me, is that every single deed is recorded by the universe. So you get away with nothing, even if you think you got away with something. But you don't deserve, you know, there's no punishment. There's just a consequence. And the consequence is meant to teach you, and you don't need to be punished beyond that. So that those are those are two really big important beliefs. And anyone listening needs to know, like those need to be, those are two cornerstone beliefs to change. The next one is the is the lie that life is hopeless, that the future's hopeless. If if you're in that, man, the only thing you can do is get help. Because once once you fall into this lie that the future's hopeless, that there's we can't do anything, we're overwhelmed by the demands of life. We truly believe there's no hope. So we need someone else to help us. So if you're in that, find someone, they'll help you. Ryan will help you, I'll help you. Just reach out. Life is never hopeless. Um and then and then you get into you know, like this belief of fear that bad things can happen to me in the future. And we can just stay in anxiety, like all these bad things are coming. That's kind of what was going on this morning. There was a fear that I pulled out of myself that I was disconnected from my company and that people could leave. That was good, man. That was actually a good nudge. And I did text every single person individually in my company and had a ton of great conversations and connected with some people, and somebody's dad was just given a bad diagnosis, and I was able to get on the phone with him and like really be there with them. And and, you know, the the fear that I was disconnected led to, once I found it and wrote it down, led to an action to make me connected. And it was really powerful. But what typically we do is we don't have time to deal with these beliefs or these thoughts. And so this I we got this underlying fear where that we're disconnected or something, that our job is in jeopardy or whatever, and we just don't write it down or figure it out, and then it just stays there. And then another fear shows up, like I'm I'm selfish, and then that one stays there, that my daughter's not going to like me. And all these other fears, and they just compound, and all of a sudden you just find out that you're anxious. You're like, I don't know why, but I've got anxiety. Well, it's because you've been ignoring every single fear and not dealing with it, and then taking appropriate action. The fear is helpful. And um, but we have to figure it out and we have to figure out what it wants us to do. It's it's not there to harm us, it's there to help us. So those are some big cornerstone beliefs for me that I was able to figure out and turn around.

SPEAKER_01

I love the fact that even with the we call them bad moods, they deliver, they're there to deliver something good. And another thing that it's it's not referenced exactly like this in the book, but it makes me refer back to a conversation I had with Chris Doris, who is a the mental toughness coach, works with a lot of PGA athletes, and mentioned Byron Cady's work to me. Chris in his mental toughness mantras says it ain't bad, it just is. Life just is and from there, you know, we we choose our state or we work towards our state. There's eight bad moods and eight good moods. With the good moods, what do you do to ensure that the good moods stay on top and the good moods stay winning and we keep the bad moods out of play? It doesn't mean the bad moods are never going to come into play. You mentioned that they came into play this morning, but we can also feed from what from what I interpret the work this work to be, we can feed the good moods a heck of a lot more and stay on top. So what's some context you can provide there to keep the good moods flowing

Wins And Gratitude That Create Momentum

SPEAKER_01

and ignited more than our bad moods?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I'll finish with the journal process because that it's we become the things we do repeatedly. And uh step three on my journal process, once I come up with any negative thoughts, if there are any, and then reframe them, is I write down three things I win at. Three things from the day before that were wins. And usually I I end up with four or five. You know, and I'm not, you know, but some days I've struggled to come up with three things that I did well the day before. But this is a really powerful process because again, it goes back to that guilt. This um I'm not an I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough. Once we start to, and and that's coming from a powerful place too, because it our mind is like, do more, do more, do more, it'll be helpful for you. You'll survive more, you'll stack more money, and then if anything happens, you'll have money and you can pay for it and you'll be and you'll be okay. So it's not trying to hurt us, but what it does is it always the mind's always looking at what are we not doing right? So we can fix it, because it needs to be fixed. But what it doesn't do, this is super crazy, man. It doesn't tell us what is going well unless we ask it. And we and we have to ask it what is going well consciously. Because if it's going well, like go back to us living in tribes in the savannah, if it was going well, we didn't need to spend energy on it because it took all of our energy to go get food and survive and not do things wrong or not get kicked out of the tribe or not say the wrong thing. So the brain only spent its energy on what wasn't going well because if it was going well, great, you got that covered. I don't need energy on it. Well, now, dude, grocery store has all the food we need. We're all living, we're all surviving. We don't need to be that vigilant over survival at this moment. And so we have to feed our brain with positivity. And I do that by writing down three things that went well the day before. This doesn't seem like it's a big deal, but it changes everything. What happened, what happens is throughout the day, my mind now keeps an open file for what I'm doing right because it knows it has to collect what I'm doing right and keep it in in stored memory so that the next day it doesn't take me too long to figure out what I did right the day before. Well, then it's like in the moment that I did something right, it's like, oh, you just did that right. And I'm like, heck yeah, I did. And I get this hit of dopamine, then I feel good about it. The next day when I write it down, I get the hit of dopamine again and I feel good about it. And then instead of seeing everything that everyone's doing wrong, I start to see everything everyone's doing right. I'm like, oh, they're doing that right and they're doing that right and they're doing that right. And I start affirming how great everybody is. And they're like, oh man, thank you. And it's not like BS because I actually am noticing what they're doing right and I'm excited about it because I've trained my mind to be excited about what's going right. And then they feel really good, and then they turn around, they treat me really good, and then all my relationships are flourishing, and I'm like, it's just this huge upward spiral, all from just writing down three things you did well the day before. So super powerful habit. Uh, and it does, it is probably the cornerstone for me of why I'm such a positive person right now. Uh, the last two things I do on this five-step process is I do write down three brand new things I'm grateful for. Three things I've never written before. And it's it's the same concept. Gratitude can become a chore if it's like, oh, okay, I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for my kids, I'm grateful for our health. Well, then it's just boring and rote. But I wait in the morning and I'm like, what are three new things I'm grateful for? I've been doing this for like 13 years, every single day. I don't know how many days that is, but it sounds like a lot. Like 40, 40,000 days times three. 120,000 new things. I've had to find 120,000 new things I'm grateful for. When you you would think after the first thousand, you would run out, right? But then you find out you can actually be grateful for every single thing. The challenges, the things that didn't go right, the smile somebody gave you the day before, the fact that you were up late helping your daughter with cheerleading. Like you could just be grateful for all of it, and you're like, wow, this habit now makes you grateful for all of life. And as you started this episode out, gratitude is the gateway to all positivity. And then I end the fifth step. And I got this from um from Tony Robbins priming. And I write down, actually, this came originally it came from Grant Cardone, and I can't remember which book, but he said, write your goals, your top life goals as if they're already achieved until they're achieved every day. And I started doing that. I I think it was his first book, uh, the 10x rule, that I read that in. And I started to just write my top goals as if they were achieved every single day until they were achieved. I haven't stopped because what happened is everything I started to write down every day came true. And I'm like, this might be the cheat code to have anything I want in life come true. And guess what? It is. So if there's anything I want, I wrote down every single day uh I write a best-selling book. I wrote it down every day for four years. Because when I first started to write it, I didn't believe it. Like, who would want to read a book about happiness from a guy that runs a real estate company? Like this, I there was so much imposter syndrome, but then I wrote it down four years every single day for four years. You know, again, 1200 times I write, I write a best-selling book on my page, and then the book hit in December and was a bestseller in seven different categories on Amazon and was the first book to a hundred reviews, like the fastest book to a hundred reviews in Forbes book's history. And it was, is it because I wrote it down a million times? You bet your butt. Like it was because I wrote it down all those times. So I end my grati I end my journal process by writing my top three life goals as if they're already achieved until they're achieved.

SPEAKER_01

Greatness happens twice. It happens in your mind first, and then in reality. And if we can't see the thing, whether it's the best-selling book or the family that we ultimately envision, the sub-three-hour marathon, whatever. If you can't see it upstairs in your mind, then you're likely not gonna see it right in front of your very eyes because you're not awake to the possibilities. Was there a certain turning point along the journey of writing? I wrote a best-selling book for four years that you start to actually believe it? Like you mentioned imposter syndrome. Was it okay, maybe the first week you're like, man, this is BS. There's no way. And then

Writing Goals Until They Become Real

SPEAKER_01

was it coupled with something? I would imagine a series of actions, maybe when you actually first started writing the book that you're like, ah, you know what? No. I can do this, I am doing this. What did that look like?

SPEAKER_00

I wrote it every day for a year with nothing. No action. I didn't even know what the book was gonna be about. And I was just I was uh a CEO of a like like massively growing company with three babies and a new marriage, and I was trying to hold all it all together, and yet I had this vision, I write this best-selling book, and it just wasn't, but I I continue to write it down because it was important to me, but I wasn't believing. I'm like, yeah, maybe when I'm 50, like it'll show up someday. And then I went to a business conference in um in Colorado, and I'm I'm going skiing with my buddies, and this dude comes up, and he's like, Oh, hey man, hold the, you know, get I'll jump in with you guys. And he gets he gets on the lift and he's sitting next to me, and it's a four times New York Times bestselling author, a guy named Tucker Max. And I had read Tucker's books when I was in college. They were crude and funny, and we would like listen to the audio CDs, like driving a spring break and stuff. And I knew who he was. I was like, oh dude, man, your books are so funny. He said, he said, Oh, yeah, I appreciate it. I've changed a lot since then. I said, okay, cool, man. I'm like, what are you doing now? He said, well, now I help authors publish their books. And I said, that's crazy. I'm supposed to write a book. And he said, Tell me about your book. And I gave him a vague idea because at this point I'd been writing it for a year that I write this best-selling book. I said, it's gonna be about how to not be in a bad mood. And he said, I want to read that book. And he said, You should get in touch with my company. And he gave me the contact information. And that's what I did. I reached out to his company and they they needed like $17,000, which was a you know, it's a big sum of money. And I'm like, I had written down I write a best-selling book so many times, and then the encounter with this guy who helps people write books on a chairlift randomly didn't feel random. It felt like divine guidance. And so I committed it on the call. I said, here's 17,000. And I gave him this huge chunk of money. And then I, you know, I I don't know if I talked to Katie first or not, but either way, I was so I was so committed because I had written the goal so many times, that then I was ready for the opportunity when it showed up. And they had a process, and their process was amazing about how to write a book if you've never written a book, so that it's gonna be good. And I got on a call with Tucker and he said, he said, Matt, if your book sucks, it's gonna hurt you. So your book can't suck. That put a lot of pressure on me, but it was also good for me. So I spent four years writing it. It took me four years because I I wrote it probably seven different times. Every chapter was reworked at least seven times. It ended up being 500 pages, and through the process of rewriting and editing, I got it down to 165 pages of the most powerful stuff. Um and that's that, but that was be that was based on Tucker's comment to me. If you write a bad book, it's gonna hurt you. And writing a really good book takes a ton of effort, and so I just put in the book.

SPEAKER_01

And this is a great book, Matt, and it's a masterclass. Matt, what

The Mission To Ignite Happiness

SPEAKER_01

do you wish to ignite with the good mood revolution? And I use ignite intentionally this time because it's right there on the cover of the book, and you make reference to the match that is not only on the front cover, but on the chapter pages. What is good mood revolution intended to ignite in the lives and minds of readers?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, man, it's a it's a revolution because we've got we've got these we've got the negative piece, right? We've got this piece of us that that believes all these negative thoughts. And and and then but we don't want to stay there. And so it's almost like a battle within ourselves to find the positivity. But what I want to, like, my big vision of it right now is uh I wanna I want to help the world be happier. And you can only do that with, you know, I I could say that's already accomplished because people every single week are writing me and telling me that they've become happier. So I've got a quantifiable goal. I want to help um, I want to have a hundred thousand engaged YouTube subscribers that I'm helping live a happier life. And that's that's the vision right now. I want to ignite happiness in a hundred thousand people's lives in a in an engaged regular way. Because I figure that's a big round number. It's also a number I wrote down four years ago when I started writing the book on a piece of paper that I would have a hundred thousand people that that were that were following me and and feeling better about this thing. But man, think about like those hundred thousand people know people, and then those people know people, and those people know people. Like the whole world can become happier if you if you affect people.

SPEAKER_01

And Matt, how do we best support you along that journey? And obviously subscribe to the YouTube channel, but what are the other ways that we can be of best support and service to you and your mission?

SPEAKER_00

Man, you're doing it, bro. Just your friendship means the world to me, man. You're you're somebody that inspires the heck out of me. Uh I'm excited for everything you're doing on your work, making the world uh more uh more focused and more disciplined and understanding that they can accomplish anything that they think that they can accomplish. Uh that message is really powerful and it's really needed. Appreciate your friendship.

SPEAKER_01

I'm encouraging everyone to keep up with Matt and buy Good Mood Revolution. Listen to Good Mood Revolution anywhere that you have podcasts, but preferably on YouTube. Matt, it's customary to end the podcast with a rapid fire

Rapid Fire Gems And Book Pick

SPEAKER_01

session. And the way this works, the way this works, we're going to have lunch at a cool rooftop in Charleston, and we're going up three elevator floors. And a person is going to step in the e in an elevator and go up one floor, and they recognize you, they've read the book, they've listened to the pod, and they're going to ask you one question. So the amount of time you have to answer is the amount of time it takes to go up one elevator, one elevator floor. So if you're ready, then here we go. This is one gem, one step, one book. So we get on, someone hops on with us, they say, Matt, man, I've read Good Mood Revolution. It's such a great book. What's one gem that you have, whether it be a quote or a mantra that you live your life by that I can put in my back pocket and live my life by?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you want to love yourself every moment that you can. And whenever possible, when you're looking at someone or talking with someone, picture them surrounded by love.

SPEAKER_01

That person just got off and another person hopped on. I love good mood revolution. What's one step that I can take today to achieve a good mood in my life?

SPEAKER_00

The easiest step is gratitude. And uh and it has to be a ritual, it has to be a habit. So we usually eat three times a day. I recommend just saying a quick prayer before your meal and saying, Thank you for this meal, thank you for this life, thank you for everything that I have going for me. Amen. And then we start to eat, and it's everyone eats. This takes a few seconds, and it you're anchoring this gratitude habit to something you are.

SPEAKER_01

Going back to the beginning, gratitude is the gateway to good mood. The last one, which may be the most difficult for someone that's as well read as you. Matt, what's one book in addition to Good Mood Revolution that we should read in 2025 to improve our mindset?

SPEAKER_00

I love the surrender experiment. In that book, Michael Singer tells his life story about how everything that was happening to him that he didn't like, he knew was sent by a higher power. Kind of like Tucker Max getting on that ski lift with me. The book ends with him going through the most excruciating thing that he could imagine. And again, it was sent to him to help him. He was uh in Charleston, South Carolina, actually. The Supreme Court of the United States was uh sentencing him to a life in prison because he had been framed. His company was WebMD, he had been framed uh for embezzling money by one of his employees. And while he was waiting for his sentence, it was like a four or five-year trial. He lost his company, he had built it from his own garage. It was worth billions of dollars that had been taken from him. They had seized all of his assets, and uh and he wrote the book, The Untethered Soul, which has changed the lives of millions of people at this point and helped them live happier. And uh that's the point of the surrender experiment is that everything that's happening to you in your life is not happening to you.

SPEAKER_01

Things don't happen to us, they happen for us, and that's a first time this book has been recommended on the pod. So appreciate that. We could add that into the repository. Matt, it's been such an amazing conversation. And thank you for how you choose to serve the world and for how you're serving the world, your family, being an inspiration and igniting a good mood revolution so that we can experience our best selves and win today. Thanks so much.

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Ryan Cass

Host