What'up beautiful people, welcome back to Beyond Tra Da of Tra My and Huyen Le. My name is Huyen Le in Frankfurt, Germany. So, how has the last few weeks been for you. For me, oh my god I have been so happy, because finally things start to open in Frankfort, meaning I can go to restaurant I can travel, and you know you can imagine, after eight months of lockdown, you cannot really do anything you can even eat in a restaurant. That sounds amazing. So last week I went with a few friends to do some restaurants and had their first meal in a restaurant in eight months, you know simple things like eating out became like a like luxurious, like luxurious. I always have problem with this word, but anyway and I also travel to a city in Germany called Monster, and if you traveled to Germany, you know, make sure to check the city out. Oh my god, it's so cute. So it's my a small city of students, 83% of the population are students, and, you know, it's interesting. There is more bicycle, than humans in this city. And, you know, they also have police for, you know, people ride a bicycle. And if you make a serious mistake. You can also even lose your driving licence for auto I mean, car driving license. So that's crazy, right. But anyway, I really enjoy my first real holiday because hotels were open. And, yeah, things start to open up, and you know people get more get vaccinated here so they start to open up, and how has it been for you. How is it, how it's called COVID affecting you at your place, and I think you start to open, and how do you feel, please. You know, reach out to us and let us know how it is for you, and thank you for your support in the past two months for our podcast, and I hope that we can bring more interesting, you know episodes to you, and let's start this episode. to Beyond Tra da of Tra My and Huyen.
Today’s topic is a topic that I hold dear, that I experience myself and that I know for sure thousands of Vietnamese women are going through right at this moment. I saw it with my mother, my sister and I really wish that the next generation: my niece or her daughter will not have to go through the same experience like I and others my generation did.
It is social pressure and expectations faced as a woman. I myself grew up in a tiny village in Vietnam and I was expected to become a teacher, get married and have kids by the time I am 25 years old. Not that there's anything wrong with that, the issue is when it is not what I wanted for myself or how I pictured how my life would be. As a kid, I listened to Britney Spears and wished that one day I could see her in person. I wanted to travel the world and see the things that I saw on TV. My family was poor and it was tremendously difficult to come this far to have the life that I wanted for myself. But the utmost challenge was not riding a bike 20 km a day for an English class but the social pressure I faced as a young girl, young woman, the constant voice that says I should be this I should be that, not the encouraging voice that says “It is okay that I travel a less known path”.
Through this talk, I would like to expose an alternative way of living to thousands of girls out there including my nieces that anything is possible, that they can dream to be whatever they want to be, not what their parents want them to be or be how society thinks they should be.
Our guest for today is Bommi - she is a dear friend and though we have known each other for a short amount of time when she moved to Frankfurt, I love her positive energy, the kindness and warmth that exudes her. Not only that, I also discovered recently how much we have in common even though we come from different countries, different backgrounds, we both faced societal pressure as women. And today we want to share our stories with you.
Hi Bommi, thank you for being here today!
Bommi: Hi! Thank you for inviting me to your podcast and I'm really happy to share with you my story today.
Huyen: I know we only met a couple of months ago but I really like the fact that you are so kind and bubbly. So you have moved to Frankfurt recently, can you share a bit about yourself and how come you end up in Frankfurt?
Bommi: Yes, My name is Bommi and I’m from South Korea. I have been working and living in Germany for 4 and a half years, I spent 3 years in a small city in Germany and 9 month in Berlin which is my favorite city, and now it’s been 7 months living in Frankfurt. Before that I lived in Singapore for 2 years because I found an internship there and found a job afterward. I was born in Busan and moved to Seoul to study.
Huyen: You know I was in Korea a few years ago but only for a few days, but my impression was how modern the country is. What is it like growing up and living in South Korea as a young girl?
Bommi: Well Korea has been developed and modernized internally and externally. So the younger people now are not traditional and more open to the new culture and trends. But there are still some stereotypes and general expectations. So it’s expected that women are still doing house work and baby sitting when they are married, while men are expected to be in charge of working and earning money. And nowaday, there are more women still working after getting married than delivering a baby, but they have to do the housework at the same time which is not fair. And there are some standards about beauty like: big eyes, high nose, white skin, thin body… which make women go for plastic surgeries or extreme diets. And recently due to the Western culture, the curvy body shape became popular but this means you still need to have big boobs or…. Which doesn’t make sense. I can’t imagine how my life would be if I’m still in Korea, probably busy grooming myself and going on a diet everyday. And I might suffer from an inferiority complex, constantly comparing myself to the standardized beauty.
Huyen: Wow that’s crazy, there is something similar in Vietnam as well. I’m not sure if it is because of western influence, but the white skin is considered beautiful. So a lot of women go to spas or places to make their skin whiter. Is it the same in Korea as well?
Bommi: Yeah, they would go to some kind of clinics or spas to make their skin whiter and remove pimples, all the unnecessary things on their face.
Huyen: Imagine living in that constant fear that you are not good enough. That’s crazy.
So you have moved and lived in different cities and what triggered this? Why did you move? What is your favorite place to live so far? Is it Europe? And if it is then why?
Bommi: Well the first time I moved to Singapore was by chance, as I mentioned before. I got the opportunity for an internship there, I was planning to come back to Korea after I finished. But when I was about to take the flight back home like a week before, I got a note saying I got a full time job which made me stay longer in Singapore. Later I got more curious about life in other countries and I want to challenge myself again in a new environment, as long as I’m young and free to travel. So after 2 years in Singapore, I decided to find a new challenge in Germany because one of my friends was living in Hamburg at that time and I have only been to Southern Europe so why not to Germany. So curiosity and challenge motivated me to move from Asia to Europe. And my favorite city to live is Berlin, it is quite international and multicultural and artistic. So I can make a lot of international friends, visit private art exhibitions and enjoy night life almost every weekend. It’s pretty bad that I have to move to Frankfurt before the summer comes but I hope to make a trip to Berlin soon when the Covid thing comes to an end.
Huyen: So you mentioned something that I found quite interesting, that curiosity is the thing that made you moved here. It’s the same for me actually, as a kid I grew up in a small village, even now there is no ATM there, only rice fields and I remember seeing things on TV and thought “OMG I wonder what it’s like to see these cities in person”. So for me curiosity is also a big impact on my journey. So for all the young people out there, be curious about the world, about what you haven’t seen, the world is so big. When you are young, travel if you can. Or if you can’t because of financial reasons or whatever, then there is alway a way. I am the living proof, my family was poor and they never went outside of Vietnam. But scholarship or fellowship might be the way.
So thank you for bringing it up.
From personal experiences I know that moving around is interesting, it’s great but also a lot of challenges. So what challenges have you faced from moving around so much and how did you overcome those challenges?
Bommi: So I used to feel depressed when I felt homesick and I called my family and friends whenever I missed them. But somehow it kills me to think that I wasn’t able to reach them at the moment and I become confused with the decision to move here. I know life is not only about work, travel or experience but you need people around you for support. But after a long careful consideration, I realized I wasn’t that bothered to look for a connection or friendship somewhere from a long distance. There are always good people around willing to give me a hand but I didn’t take them as my people. That’s the biggest reason why I didn’t feel like this was my home. So I started to open my mind to make friends by playing sports, learning German or joining the group with the same interest. Of course at the beginning it wasn’t easy as I alway a bit shy and reserved, but I gave it a try.
Previously I missed my friends and family so much because I thought no one would care about me nearby. But I begin to expect that my life is already full of love, people around me at this time, all I have to do is appreciate it and share this love. Secondly, I began to observe and understand German culture and learn German. Eventually I got used to the lifestyle here and started settling here.
In addition, I become healthier physically and mentally by playing sports and it helps me think positively and it’s also good for releasing stress and sweating it out.
Huyen: I think those are very helpful tips, very practical and we can use them in any city. And you are right, I felt like that a lot of times. I miss Vietnam, especially in winter plus this lockdown period. I miss my friends and family back in Vietnam, the food, the crowd, the energy. And I also have to remind myself there is a reason why I moved here. Of course there is alway a trade off, but I moved here for a reason and this is what I want to do for myself. It’s important to have a circle of friends and that's a very good tip that you mentioned. That’s why I’m very happy that we became friends even just after a short amount of time.
You also mentioned that you tried to get rid of your worries. Is there a particular way that you do it? How do you do it?
Bommi: Oh ok, before the lockdown I went to the gym regularly, did yoga and went jogging, and played some sports. These days, I’m trying to get worries out of my mind by meditation and reading books. Because I just sit down at home feeling lonely I would know very well that I would turn crazy and I would freak out.
Huyen: Actually I do the same. I love some quiet time for myself like reading a good book and trying to meditate even though I’m not very good at it.
So you lived in both Asia and Europe, what do you see as the main difference between living in Asia and Europe?
Bommi: Well, I can only compare Korea with Germany since these are only countries I lived in for a long time.
The first difference is the temple of life. In Korea, we live in such a hurry mentality. People are alway busy and impatient with delays or late replies. For example many restaurants in Korea put a bell on the tables so the customers can ring the bell when they want to order or ask for something. They don’t need to wait for the waiters to come and serve. But based on my experiences in Germany, people are used to the slow pace of life. They don’t mind waiting to be served in a restaurant, and I remember it takes at least 30 min to get the bill. Another sample is an appointment, it’s usually required to make an appointment to go to hospital, city hall or the bank. But it’s hard to walk-in or make an appointment immediately. So when I first got to Germany, I found it frustrating to apply myself to this low tempo of life and how things work in Germany.
People in Germany do not care about what other people think. Basically you can do whatever you want as long as it’s legal. It was kind of a sensation for me because I grew up in a society where people have certain expectations, stereotypes when it comes to gender, ages, beauty and so one. I tried hard to fit in Korea which was decided by society. For example, during 3 years of my high school, I didn’t even dream of playing sport, going out with friends because society defined a successful person as the one who graduated from a good University, working in a big company or being a lawyer, doctor or a professor. Of course I wanted to be a successful person as well, and it started with a good University so I studied all day and night for 3 years. But now I realized that definition is wrong, and everyone has the right to design their own life. And you are not right to judge anyone on how much they earn or how they look. I think my life would be completely different if I was growing up in Germany, as I wasn’t pushed to study all the time.
And now I don’t really care about how other people think of me or what other people do in their life. I’m just who I am and have no intention to change to follow other people’s expectations. It’s a bit late but I’m figuring out whatI like. Living in Germany gives me the chance to design my life the way I like and become interested in my own talent and taste.
Huyen: It's very inspiring and brave and I know how difficult it must have been for you. It’s hard to break away from thousand years of tradition. General and society norms, all of those things are very difficult to break away from, so it’s inspiring that you chose your own path and did what you wanted to do. I see you as a beautiful and confident young woman who is very friendly and easy to be friends with. And today I have discovered a side of you that I didn’t know. You might look like you have a soft demeanor but you are actually strong willed and very brave. And thank you for sharing that today.
Do you have any advice for young women or girls, the ones maybe still in University and trying to figure out. Any advice for them?
Bommi: I would like to say: love and accept the way you are. Everyone has their own values and there is no right or wrong, good or bad just like the existence of a variety of colors in the world. Can you tell which color is the most beautiful or good? every color is unique and special, and the same applies to you. You are beautiful and you are a special person in the world because there is only one of you.
What I also want to say is:Be confident and have faith in yourself in whatever you do. When you are not sure if you made the right decision or in the right way, do not hesitate but to give it a try first. There is nothing to lose as long as you are young, I’m afraid of heights but I decided to try bungee last year because I want to overcome this fear someday. Most of the time I felt down and couldn’t reach the top but when I managed to climb up my heart started pumping with the joy of achievement. And I would never forget the pleasure of achievement, that’s the reason why I didn’t give up even though I still have a long way to go. So don’t underestimate your potential and believe in your power. And that’s all I can say to you.
Huyen: I remember when we first met and you said you were going to try bungee and I was like “Ok!”. But what surprised me is that you kept going every week and I thought: “Wow she is going every week regardless of the weather or how she feels” Because for myself I would sometimes spend the weekend staying in, so I really admire your commitment. And I was really impressed with your strong will and bravery. It’s great that I get to meet you and be friends.
Thank you again for sharing all this wisdom with the audience. I know for sure your story will inspire some girls who are living in a small village somewhere in Vietnam to really pursue their dream and not seek the approval of other people anymore. And for that I would like to thank you.
Bommi: Thank you again for inviting me here and listening to my stories. I hope these can be useful for some of you.
Huyen: Thank you Bommi
For the audience, if you have any other topic or any question for Bommi, please leave a comment and we will get back to you.
Thank you and I'm looking forward to seeing you again in another episode.