Israel & Rachel Campbell "SOUP" Podcast

Israel & Rachel Campbell " SOUP" Podcast Episode 35 Healing Generational Wounds through Godly Fatherhood

• Israel & Rachel Campbell | Flourishing Church

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Can understanding our heavenly Father help us be better earthly fathers? Today, as we celebrate Father's Day, we dive deep into the significance of fathers and the role of family in the kingdom of God. Our insightful conversation emphasizes how a healthy father-child relationship serves as the foundation for a strong family unit, and tackles the topic of toxic masculinity, which is often the result of the absence of fathers in people's lives.

Discover the legacy that fathers leave on generations and how it impacts our faith. We share the importance of recognizing the positives and negatives of our family trees, without letting generational strongholds and mistakes hinder our growth in faith. Listen in as we discuss the significance of identifying and resolving generational conflicts to live out God's plan for our lives.

Get ready for invaluable fatherhood and parenting advice as we explore the balance between tough love and support. We emphasize the importance of consistency and the dangers of verbally abusing children, while discussing how to empower them to face difficult moments and develop confidence through trust. Don't miss this heartfelt episode on fatherhood and its crucial role in our lives. Like, subscribe, and leave your comments when we post this podcast on social media – we'd love to hear your thoughts!
Israel Campbell:

Oh, my goodness, rachel, we're back on the podcast and I know maybe our audience. We missed a week, but then also we recorded a ton, so it feels like it's been like a year. I have been around the world and to Indianapolis, and while we were coming back you were then in New York preaching, so it just feels like it's good to be back together in your house.

Israel Campbell:

We're back together, recording, getting ready and also just to tell the listeners, we're changing where we're going to recording Right now. we've been recording at the home, but we're talking about recording at the church in front of the LED wall, making it just kind of just every time on this podcast, hopefully, we've been getting better and better.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, we're excited about it. I like the homey feel so somehow I'm going to ask you to make it homey.

Israel Campbell:

Okay. Well then, i will take off my socks and every podcast barefoot from now on. That will be wonderful. Well, this week, as we're recording, it is actually Father's Day, and I am looking forward to that.

Rachel Campbell:

Is that like a little drop the hint?

Israel Campbell:

Yes, and the only thing I do not need clothes. The only thing that I need is things that keep me looking young, so like avocado skin mask patch.

Rachel Campbell:

He goes to the pool and he's wearing like rubber ducky shorts. He looks like a cool young teenager and I'm like. I think when you just stick to like the basics, you look great.

Israel Campbell:

Well, that's what I was saying. I wanted to stick to the basics, but then, like, put something so that like gray hair anyhow. Okay, it's Father's Day. You're so good looking.

Israel Campbell:

I love you, baby. Okay, so all the things. Hopefully it's going to get better so you can share the podcast. You can also invite somebody you know like it. What do the kids say likes and shares and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's going to be good, okay. So this week let's just jump right into it. It is Father's Day coming up on Sunday and we did this a little bit for Mother's Day and I think it was so good. We talked a little bit about the positives of my mom, the positives of your mom, and so we're going to talk a little bit kind of the same thing, but maybe a little bit different, but just the importance of Father's. I know Sunday you crushed it, talking about the family of God, and so maybe, just maybe recap on that for a little bit and then we'll jump into Dad's.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, so I was talking to our church. All you guys at flourishing know that I was just talking about something that's been on my heart, where I feel this like real Holy Spirit pulled to really make sure that our church is established and has a revelation of what the family of God is for and what we're called to do within that. And we were just talking about how. You know, there's a scripture verse that I think is so important. It's second to me, three one, and this is kind of the version that Rick Renner put out because he was breaking down a couple of the Greek words in that scripture, and so it's kind of the scripture verse with the Greek meanings in it. But it just says you emphatically must know what I'm about to tell you.

Rachel Campbell:

In the very last part of the last days, in the very end of the age, hurtful, harmful, dangerous, unpredictable, uncontrollable, high risk periods of time will come, and I was just talking to our church about the importance of the church being a family and the church being having their identity right between them and Father God, and that there's no grandchildren in the kingdom of God, there's only children.

Rachel Campbell:

And so, israel, you're not more loved than somebody that's a new Christian by God. God so loved the world it gave is only begotten son. When we were at our worst and when we have a good identity of who our father is, then we can be part of the family and not have to fight for our way or get hurt feelings easily, but will strengthen each other and give each other faith. And I was just saying how you know the importance of being a family in the kingdom of God. One of the reasons is because when people know you, then they know you when you're not good, but when you just go to church and try to be part of the family when tragedy strikes, no one knows who you are and we need to be planted so that people who know us know when we're not okay.

Rachel Campbell:

So good so that they can help strengthen our faith. But but only healthy family comes through healthy father child Relationship, and I think that's the part we got to get right.

Israel Campbell:

Well, yeah, and there is this phrase, and of course You know we want to keep everything in perspective, but there's this, this thing about masculine toxicity and things like that toxic masculinity see, i must be toxic, because I can't even say it right but of Which really just comes to anything.

Israel Campbell:

That, at least in my mind is we've got to be careful of that, because we could start calling that Some things, where, you know, if we look at the amount of people that are incarcerated right now And we look at their relationship with their dad, so many of that is missing, and so then we realize, well, no, it's actually not because of the toxic masculinity, is actually because they didn't have a father. They needed some of that masculinity, and so there's it, even an attack on fathers, yeah, it's become like this blanket statement because there have been masculine who have been toxic well, absolutely, and so that's what I was gonna say next is we're not in any way You know that Mean spirited.

Israel Campbell:

You know all those kind of things, and we've we've been in situations with even church leadership where there was Some of that stuff where it's just like that's not the heart of a father, and and so you know, we're not saying all that's okay to do and we're not talking about Abuse is good or any of those kind of things, but there also is like you have to have a good relationship with you.

Israel Campbell:

Oh, i guess you don't have to. I'm just saying the importance of if you have a messed up relationship with your dad, it does come into play on how the lens we see our heavenly father, and so that's kind of you know, when it comes to father's day, at least I want to talk about is we both had Dads that weren't perfect, and then we had some dads in our life. They're actually there's some really good things, and so how do we pull out that? and I even love this scripture where Paul says you have many Instructors, but you don't have any few fathers, and so just the power of being a good dad. So there's so many things in my mind that I want to talk about, and I know we just briefly talked Okay, we could do this, this, but I mean we could probably do three or four episodes just on this subject.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, we could, and you wrote a whole book on it too.

Israel Campbell:

Shameless plug.

Rachel Campbell:

The art of So good on how to deal with fathers who have not maybe done everything right and being fatherless and all of those things. All of us have different dad stories, but and then there's some of us that have amazing dad stories where they've got. I think of You know, I think of Barry. Oh yeah, in our church and he's like Everyone wants a dad like Barry and I.

Rachel Campbell:

We were at the park last week. We were doing our Wednesday nights, which are amazing, come to those. But he got a call from his son and we were in the middle of a deep conversation and he goes I'm sorry, i have something more important. It's my son and he walked away from us and I was like, oh my gosh, if everyone could just have a dad like that. But anyway, side comment, i, the world right now, non-believers, are really challenging Fathers and and I even read something in an article the other day and it was like Our dad's supposed to be the head of the home, or is that just what children have been trained since they were little?

Rachel Campbell:

that that's this Brainwashing. And the truth is in the word of God The father is supposed to be the head of the home. But you know, we talk about this like, but it also has these stipulations like but you lay your life down, literally to die for your family, like Jesus died for the church. So it's actually not this like Place that everyone would even want to be in. It's actually a very sacrificial position And I think the world is really attacking the power of a father and trying to to question it. But let's go further back than what psychologists are saying right now. Let's go to the word of God. What does the word of God say about the father?

Israel Campbell:

We, our relationship to him is a father child relationship one, even Jesus, when he teaches us how to pray With our father interesting.

Rachel Campbell:

It has to start with that. It almost like forces you to have that submission to the protective father.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, and you know the world is gonna always rage Against Christian principles and they're gonna try and the react like I just kind of. I think one of the psalms says that God laughs, i'd laugh, i chuckle, because I'm just like how's that working with you? You know what I mean. Let's, let's, let's add up, let's get some kids that had a really good father, and then now let's try to, you know, let's be fruit inspectors and then let's check out the life of Some young people without that. And now that's not to put shame on anybody, that you've done really good And your kids didn't turn out because I was a knucklehead. So I'm not trying to say that, but the fruit of it is that seed that was planted even when I was a knucklehead, it still now has come to fruition, and so I just think, man, i just wouldn't rage against that.

Israel Campbell:

One thing I had at least in my mind that I wanted to ask you about. One of the things that I wanted to talk to you about is you know, there was your dad was first generation Christian and and first Christian, first generation even ministry, and So many things that I know that your dad even died, not Fully, victorious in in Christ. But one of the things that I loved about your and his relationship is that, yes, there's a lot of things that you could, you know, could say this wasn't redeemed fully, this wasn't full victory, and stuff like that. But one of the things that I love your perspective is is, if it wasn't for your dad being saved and having a radical You know and counter with God, he made you guys go to church every week.

Israel Campbell:

It wasn't an option. He put you in the places of the Holy Spirit moving. I mean, he was like was he perfect in any way? of course not, but the That you're, our family Tree, is changed because of him. He's the God of Abraham, isaac and Jacob, and it's like you know, abraham was trying to sell Sarah, like it was like that's my son. I mean, there were some things and Isaac kind of fell in the same thing. But hopefully, through the generations, there's a tree of blessing, even though there's some stuff we have to work out every generation.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, i think the goal as a Christian is not to be handed perfection from your father, but to not have to fight the same battles that he fought like. Every generation should fight a new thing Right, like we're always. Every generation has to walk through their own salvation and just, you know all of the things that were. None of us have ever arrived, no family has ever arrived. But if we're fighting the same generational thing, then there's like a massive problem. But you know, my dad broke some things off of our family and then he didn't break everything. And now it's my turn to recognize.

Rachel Campbell:

And when I recognize, oh, that was something on my family that now God is showing me so that I can, you know, be the one to break. It Doesn't mean I have to be angry at my dad. It doesn't mean I have to be bitter. I can call what was wrong wrong. But I love that verse that says be angry and sin not. And I think, like some things that my dad did have made me angry because they were not right and they weren't Godly. But then I can say taking that into sin would be to never forgive him and to keep hold angerness and withhold forgiveness and releasing that. And I think that when we can just go yeah, not everything was perfect, but I'm going to walk in supernatural God given by his grace forgiveness, so that I don't have to fight, i don't have to keep fighting the same strongholds of my family, but now I can fight something new.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, i call it Billy Madison syndrome. I mean, you just repeat, you're repeating third grade when you're forty because you haven't passed the test of honor and past the test of. Hey, you know, and recognizing that, and I just I mean even society recognizes. You know, like if you were a person born in the depression, parents that were born during the depression are just different than the. You know what I mean. Like, like it just society.

Rachel Campbell:

We have no reference to yeah and it's and it's and it's so.

Israel Campbell:

So their generation was just, who was their dad's like? You know what I mean. We don't ever put into perspective like, well, my dad's a jerk, but what was his dad like? and you know what I mean. And so I just feel like there are some things that my dad was really good at. I'm hoping that I'm a better at it, but I'm hoping that Silas, when he's a dad, is better than even me, and it should be More of that focus and learning and, you know, getting better at caring for family and families important and things like that. So is there anything else that you would say? hey, so my dad Wasn't great at this, this, this. There was some things we definitely would say I was wrong and not right, but I'm thankful for the spiritual part. Was there any other things that you would just say? I, i've fought to find good things about my dad. Here's a couple other things, and then I'll talk about my dad.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, my dad. You know there were a lot of really great things about my dad. My dad was an adventure seeker and He was a great storyteller, and My dad Was generous to a fault where he would choose others over our family. But you know, sometimes I could you can almost paint that in a bad way but I want to be that. I want to be someone who does stop in my tracks and think of somebody outside of my little world, and my dad was great at that. You know, one thing I also think about this isn't actually about my dad, she's about fathers is I see a lot of dads that don't have confidence to rise up and really lead, and I think it's because of How the world talks about.

Rachel Campbell:

You know they don't want to hurt their families and they don't want to hurt society, and so there's almost this disempowering, and I just want to say that Coming and I told the church this last Sunday is moving out of my house, marrying Israel, taking on the name Campbell, and having you be the head of our home Changed peace for me.

Rachel Campbell:

It changed my ability to believe in myself and I I just know the difference of being fathered, being in a household of a good father and a household of a sick father, and I think all of us as believers. It doesn't matter what your father was like, and the world will tell you Every sin that you do. Blame it on something that happened in your past past, you know. Blame it on your dad, because that's easier. And I just want to say, actually, sometimes having a dad that didn't quite break everything can help. You know what you want to become and I think we're in a day where we need to stop making excuses and really rise up and like fathers. It's your season. We need fathers in the faith and we fathers in households. We need people to know who their father God is, more than ever before.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, i, and that would maybe be some of the things that I would say about my dad. My dad that I loved was, you know, he taught me to fight bullies, and I love that. My dad taught me when I got injured How like oh my gosh and I hated him during it, of course, but he would you know the rehab to injuries. Or the sprints after the game, like we lose the game And the quarterback would throw the ball over my head and because I didn't catch it, my dad would make me run sprints afterwards up hills. Can you believe that you would never allow me to do that To Silas in front of the whole football team? But what it was is he's just trying to push me to be better, and so I love that.

Israel Campbell:

And then the thing that I got from my dad more than anything Was the word of God, like the love for the word of God. He would just make me read it and I just fell in love with it. And so Old Testament stories Everybody kind of knows that that's my jam. I got that from my dad, and and so the thing that I would piggyback on what you were saying is I feel like being a dad is tough because you don't want to mess them up, and I I think that some of what you're saying is it's it's tough to lead and be a dad sometimes because it's just You don't want to be your dad sometimes, so then you don't be a dad, has too hard on that, or whatever, and then it's just, it is. It's such a dance of You know, like should I say it, do I not? and let that takes more energy to say it and have the comfort And to have the conversation and like sometimes, or the confrontation.

Israel Campbell:

It's just not worth it because they're gonna explode and it's gonna be terrible And I don't really have time for that today, you know. So I think the biggest thing for me is I, dad, is to lead. It takes energy and Because it's, it is non-stop. You're just always a dad, and so the energy and I think sometimes we just Maybe is men are depleted on energy, and so then it's hard, you know, to do that, and that's where the work of the Holy Spirit has been so important.

Israel Campbell:

I think, at least in my life, and being a dad and I even think, look back at your dad and my dad was like they had a relationship with the Holy Spirit and how I don't know how dads do it without the Holy Spirit. Like I Look at LeBron James and his kids that you know all the things and I'm like Man, whether you hate him or not, the kid, the guys, tries to be a good dad And he's trying to do it with it, like if he could do it without really, and I don't know. I don't want to try to put anything on, but like at least we don't hear about the work of the Holy Spirit in his life. I just you know how do we do that, and so my Encouragement, or whatever we'll be we'll talk some more about this on Sundays Just, you know, really Training ourselves to have the energy to confront, to love for times, for dating.

Israel Campbell:

I think the biggest enemy of Fatherhood is energy, and I know that that's a weird thing, like most people wouldn't go. That's the what. That's not the. The toughest thing with parenting or father-in-law I actually do, it's the energy. Because if you don't have that Energy to confront to love, to date or whatever, then you just settle for kind of that TV sitcom dad that just lets everybody else run things and it's kind of the The laughing stock of the family.

Rachel Campbell:

So what? what can women or wives do to? I know that one thing that's been in our marriage that we've had to really work through and be honest and have arguments about is the I don't like how harsh you are sometimes with the kids when actually you're like they don't need two moms, they need me. And so what? what would help you? or men, what do? what does a dad need in order to continually be a stability, good father? What? what would help them from their wife?

Israel Campbell:

Well, you know, i love that, i love our, our great conversations that we've had In our family dynamic.

Rachel Campbell:

That's been something that's taken a while to get right.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

And we're doing better at it, but there's still moments like how do we? but what do men need from their wife so that they can be a good father?

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, that's a great question And we'd have we've had that conversation a lot. I think that that's a thing is like you know you're so nurturing And that is great, but we're a unit, like we parent together, and so you know you, i believe there's some times, and you know that it could seem harsh to you, but I think one of the tools that you could do is go Hey, this is a skill set that I don't have but is really good for my child, and so to be able to bite your tongue, and especially not in front of the kids, but allow me to lead, allow me to. If it's even harsh to you, then come back privately and go, and then we can discuss it. And then I could say I agreed to disagree. They needed that then.

Israel Campbell:

Or there's been times where you've been my rear view mirror And I've seen, yeah, maybe I was harsh, and then now I can go and apologize And our relationship with that kid is actually, you know, closer because I did apologize And because you brought it up in the rear view mirror But then at the same time, also allowing me to have those moments and actually, you know, i don't know if this is good parenting advice or father advice, but you know, as long as it's not verbally assaulting or insults like.

Rachel Campbell:

I think that's a good thing to talk through. I do need to do like three weeks of this.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, But like you know, like being harsh and bringing correction or not allowing something or pushing somebody through is actually good for your kid.

Rachel Campbell:

Amen, it is now an insult.

Israel Campbell:

If I'm insulting them and I'm belittling them and I'm, you know that way well, that's not good for any kid's self-esteem. So you know, those are the moments where afterwards let's talk about that and stuff like that. Why are you laughing?

Rachel Campbell:

I'm just thinking, because I think you know one thing that I think is the most damaging thing that a father could do and you absolutely don't do this.

Rachel Campbell:

I'm not saying that, but I've seen it And I think that I even experienced it as a young girl is when a parent gets on their level and starts fighting them like they're a teenage boy in their classroom. Well, you hurt my feelings when you did this, or the dad? the dad isn't being the consistent, true north And because the kids rebelling, they refuse to love them, or because the child talked back, they refuse to. I guess the word is consistent, is the consistency of just because your, your children, through their teenage years, through their preteen years, especially those years college years, i feel like are going to be like this and they're going to everything that they say and every mannerism that they do. Their body language is going to tell you that they don't need you or want you in their life And as a father, you have to know that they still do and you have to be the true north when they're freaking out.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

And you do that so well. I feel like.

Israel Campbell:

Well and I think you've empowered me, though, to do that, and that was a real struggle. Let's talk. I mean, reality is your dad was verbally abusive to you, and so anytime I would bring up some things, there will be some times you would almost have a melt down. Yeah, and it was like what?

Rachel Campbell:

No, no, no, this is, and it was this is healthy, but you were raised in unhealthy, So you're you know when you're strong, not abusive, but just strong with them. But it would bring you.

Israel Campbell:

It would almost put you in that place, And so then you would fight that, and I think those were all. I think they've always been good conversations, but today, today, this happened. This morning, silas and I were going to work out. Silas wasn't feeling good And you wanted him to just stay home.

Israel Campbell:

Yes, And I wanted to make him to sue And you wanted to make him some a bowl of cereal or really take care of him, like no, we're going to go work out And he wasn't feeling good but he needed to get past being babied and go do it. And at the end, to be honest, he wasn't feeling good. He finished seven out of eight of our workout, but then I got to tell him how proud I was of him that he finished it And that's a tool that he's going to use in the rest of his life, because there's going to be jobs that suck, there's going to be bosses that are terrible, there's going to be days you don't feel good, but every time you don't?

Rachel Campbell:

how many times have you preached when you're about to puke?

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, i mean yeah, on Sundays, like every time I didn't want like didn't want to, or felt a little sick and just said well, i'll stay home. Well, that you know what I mean, and so just kind of pushing him through that, and so that was a good example. And today, you like our dynamic is you trusted me, and I think there's a big thing on that is trust, and I know that that doesn't come immediately And so maybe, as a wife, you're asking for how do we do that? It's like learning to release that trust, and maybe he has. Your husband has gotten it wrong so many times but just being like no, I'm going to trust you, and I think that that builds confidence. When you trust me, then my confidence gets better, and if my confidence is better, i'll probably make better decisions.

Rachel Campbell:

Anyone with a lack of confidence always makes poor decisions, and so it either lash out too much or they withdraw to nothing, And we see both of those two things happening a lot in fatherhood.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

Okay, but Israel, can I just talk about this one time Because I think it really helped me trust you and release you to father in. Father our kids is when I was. We had a teenage boy in our youth and he was starting to get into trouble And you could see the little signs of his heart turning hard And down the road, i mean, we watched it And it was like this he just continued to run with the wrong crowd. Well, he got involved with a gang And he was in the wrong place at the wrong time And he didn't do the crime. But because he was there at the crime with this whole gang, he got put in prison for like 10 years or something crazy.

Rachel Campbell:

And I went to lunch with his mom And I was just like, how are you guys doing? We love you so much, what can we do for you? And she was crying And it was before our kids were old enough, but it was. I think the Holy Spirit wanted me, from my background, to hear her. She said I have one regret, And that is every time that my husband tried to be tough on him. I would stand between them And my husband would try to hold him to the line and like you will not do that and you will do this and you will, and she would try to baby him. And she thought that her husband was being too harsh and her husband was not being abusive, but he was seeing the signs of where he was headed And she said if I would have allowed my husband to be a strong father, my son might not be in prison right now.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, i'll never forget when you told me that story And of course now I use it every time Like what? you want them to go to prison? Exactly, no, but it is, it's so. You know, it is a balance And I want to, i know, on time and we've got. I think we should do a part two of this. I think so, because it is so good We can do it next week talking more about parenting.

Rachel Campbell:

I think parenting is a biggie And fatherhood.

Israel Campbell:

because it is Father's Day. We're going to try to stretch that holiday out as long as it is. Are we going to do that? Well, yeah, because it's dads and grads. And how come moms just get Mother's Day? We don't add moms and Well, i'll give you just three reasons.

Rachel Campbell:

Moms and moms and moms or something. Ten centimeters dilation gives us our own day.

Israel Campbell:

Okay, oh, my goodness, okay, you deserve it. Okay, but just wrapping up, the only other thing that I want to say is I love that Jesus says the prayer our Father, which art in heaven, and I think that there are millions of people and I'm prophetically speaking to the millions of listeners, right, all of you, million, doesn't it? All of you listening is there are millions of fathers who didn't have a good dad, don't have the ability to even us say, at least you guys had pioneers that broke some of those chains before you. My dad was this, this, this, or it wasn't around, or whatever. But Jesus gives us this really awesome our Father, which art in heaven, and if we can begin to get that relationship right, you know, go heavenly first, he can help you go.

Israel Campbell:

You know earthly on what to do, and so I think that that is we talked about. If you have a bad lens, it'll affect it, but if you can have a good lens of your heavenly Father, it will help you be a good earthly Father, and so I would just, you know, don't want to have you listening just like, yeah, but my story is different. No, you can be a great dad, and some of the best dads that I know actually was because they didn't have a good dad. Sometimes some of the worst dads I know had great dads and can't live in his shadows or his shoes. You know what I mean. But if you keep this well, your heavenly Father, then I believe the Holy Spirit can help you be good at that.

Rachel Campbell:

And because of the price Jesus paid on the cross, every single one of us have a fresh chance to have a good Father child relationship And no matter what our family line says, from this point on, god is redemptive in that relationship And it's the first and foremost relationship We have to get right.

Israel Campbell:

And I just loved you when you said that, because I'm thinking of people that I know that are 80 that are still struggling with daddy issues. Yeah, because they didn't have a good dad situation.

Rachel Campbell:

But you can have a good father, you can have a good father, a good heavenly situation.

Israel Campbell:

So we love you, hope you could share this, share it with somebody Like it, subscribe all the things that you're supposed to do with a successful podcast that we don't know yet, but we love you, we're praying for you. And give us some comments when we put out the actual podcast on social media. You know, give us a comment, give us a question. Give us a thing that you liked out of that I love.

Rachel Campbell:

We love the things. You'd like to go deeper on. We'd love that too.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, give us some stuff. Love you guys.

Rachel Campbell:

Happy Father's Day, dads. Happy Father's Day. Happy Father's Day.

Israel Campbell:

Happy Father's Day.

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Israel Campbell

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Rachel Campbell

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