Israel & Rachel Campbell "SOUP" Podcast

Israel & Rachel Campbell " SOUP" Podcast Episode 36 Breaking Free from the Blame Game: Embracing the Power of the Cross and Taking Ownership of Your Actions

• Israel & Rachel Campbell | Flourishing Church

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Ever feel like you're stuck in a blame game, constantly pointing fingers at your past or others for your current behavior? Break free from this toxic cycle and learn to embrace the power of the cross in this transformative episode. We share personal stories and testimonies that reveal the life-changing freedom and victory that Jesus offers when we move past blame and take ownership of our actions.

Discover the importance of genuine apologies without excuses, not only for your personal growth but also for the health of the church. We discuss the crucial balance between secular and Christian counseling, emphasizing the need to seek guidance from the Word of God and remain accountable to Christian leadership. By doing so, you too can experience true repentance and healing from sin and trauma, shedding the weight of blame and shame that's been holding you back.

Join us as we dive into the story of Nehemiah, who was able to repent for his and his father's sins and rebuild the wall in just 52 days, showcasing the power of the Word of God. Say goodbye to the blame game and embrace the healing, freedom, and transformation that comes from a relationship with Jesus – it’s time to step into the life you were meant to live!

Israel Campbell:

Oh, another. What is it Wednesday When?

Rachel Campbell:

do we do? When do these things release? They release every Wednesday.

Israel Campbell:

Every Wednesday.

Rachel Campbell:

Sunny Wednesday in Southern California, which is nice to say Love it Yeah.

Israel Campbell:

Well, you know what, Last week we had such a great podcast that I really really loved it. We talked about fathers and some of the things, And then what really what we're going to do this week is we're kind of adding on to that one, but we're not really necessarily talking about fathers. But you brought up such a good snippet. It's actually what we kind of put out on social media, but it was that that people, oftentimes, because of something maybe in their past they blamed their parents for something And then they never actually, I believe ever get the victory or have something. And so I would call this title of this podcast blame is lame, How's?

Rachel Campbell:

that? How do you spell blame? be lame. Be lame, absolutely Easy to blame, and so we're going to talk about the power of blaming and what it can actually undo in your life.

Israel Campbell:

Absolutely So. Welcome to the Campbell soup podcast. We're just going to jump right into it, do all the things. I think this is going to be one of those podcasts that you have at least 20 people that you're like I want to share that with them under low key. Or it might be one of those ones that you just want to favor Just to listen to again to, just because it's so easy in today's secular psychology to almost blame, and so we were. You brought it up last week and it's so true. There are people today and I actually have heard a couple of apologies from Christian leaders that really were. The apology was be lame because they had mentioned something to the effect of being maybe sexually abused, and listen, that's not the part that's lame, but being sexually abused is very lame.

Israel Campbell:

Well, it is lame, but what I'm saying is that, like we have compassion and empathy and apathy for that, but then they were there. They're like you know, this has been 30 plus years And then they're saying the reason that they're still this behaving today is because of that, and really not fully apologizing or taking ownership of that, but it's consistently a. The reason I'm this way today is because of that And, as Christ follows, we don't live that way.

Rachel Campbell:

They don't believe that And I think we need to press like pre whatever. We just need to start off, whatever the word is. I'm busy today, but we need to start off just saying like we're not insensitive. I laughed and went yeah, being sexually abused is lame And I laugh.

Rachel Campbell:

That sounds a little dark, but the truth is I come from that story. That's my story too, and so if you were molested as a kid and your purity was taken away, it really does alter the way that you see life. It alters the way that you go about life, and we understand that. And I think it's really important, before we even talk about this, to go, if you know our stories, we're not being insensitive, but I I think we're pretty passionate about really letting God heal you, set you free and wipe that stain off of you so that you can be an overcomer, which is God's promise.

Rachel Campbell:

And so, for me, i come from abuse and I come from um, you know, sexually I was awakened. That was awakened in me before it should have And it was nothing of my choice. And so I'm not we're not talking about this not not knowing what the journey would be. And then Israel's journey, if you know his, you were born as a little baby infant, you were premature addicted to heroin because your mom had an addiction issues, and then you were abandoned you were adopted and you could.

Rachel Campbell:

You could milk that milk that for life. You could do all the bad things and say but when I was with Krakat out here, that is not God's plan for us or any of us. And right now, um, sometimes we're hearing people that really fail in sin or fail their wives or um are struggling with something. they're blaming their parents or they're blaming um being abused as a kid And Israel, and I just want to interrupt that um conversation and say that is not okay to do.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, and it's actually lessening the power of the cross.

Israel Campbell:

And at the end of the day, you know, when we say those things, then you're saying the cross isn't enough.

Israel Campbell:

And if the cross isn't enough, then we might as well skip Sundays, we might as well skip any of this thing called Christianity, because it's what our hope is is that at the cross we uh and that doesn't mean at the cross, then now we're perfect, but at the cross we no longer have to be victims, we can be victors and we can start a progression of being more and more daily, becoming more like Christ, without having to keep on saying that, no, it's our past that actually, uh, leads us.

Israel Campbell:

And there's, you know, just too many I mean a billion testimonies of people that, whether they were in jail and they met Jesus or, you know, went to Sunday school and their lives were changed to never go back, and so it's a bad. I think it's a secular thinking that somehow comes in and then you can talk about. The reason why you're bad today is because of that, and without Christ, that would be how you would process it. But as Christians we don't process it that way. And from day one, the blame was the beginning and the foundation of sin From the beginning man.

Rachel Campbell:

And the curse it's cursed.

Israel Campbell:

Blames the woman, The woman blames the snake. No personal responsibility. It's always somebody else's fault. So this is not a new thing. that's like wow, 2023. people are blaming things. This is weird. That's actually part of our sinful nature from the very beginning And we should be aware of that.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, and I think we need in the body of Christ. It's not helping anyone to make the standard. Well, this is why I did it, And I think that Christians are very forgiving and merciful, because we want to pursue Jesus, we want to obey what his word says. So how many times do we forgive someone? 70 times, seven. But how do we get reconciled to God? It's never by saying what happened to us. It's never by blaming or oh well, i did mess up. But this is why And the thing is, we as Christians and as the body of Christ, i think it's time to start seeing less blame and more repentance. And it says that if we confess our sins, god is faithful to forgive.

Rachel Campbell:

And I haven't heard repentance. I've heard well, i'm this, but I'm getting it right. And now I don't trust the church And all of these bitter root things. The church didn't hurt you, you hurt the church. Number one. When you fall morally and you're a leader, you hurt the church, and so don't make the church your enemy, because that is not actually. The people of God are not the reason why you fell morally, and I think we need to stop messing around. You can hear it in my voice, can't you?

Israel Campbell:

I hear it.

Rachel Campbell:

But I'm fiery about it because we're perpetuating a very toxic culture and we're forgetting the power of the gospel when we're saying I did it because of what happened to me, Because we're poster children for stuff that happened.

Israel Campbell:

I know, every time I hear that one I'm like my goodness I could.

Rachel Campbell:

Imagine what we could get away with.

Israel Campbell:

Babe, I'm not taking out the garbage because when I was a kid I was garbage.

Rachel Campbell:

You were going oh no see, see how it happens.

Israel Campbell:

It is and it's such a bad And we're not jerks.

Rachel Campbell:

I understand, but I think that there are some spiritual leaders that we admire that are really hurting the body of Christ, hurting young Christians, hurting college kids that are loving Jesus, and now they're confused because of these conversations that say I did it because of this. No, listen, we all sin. We all fall short. It's what we do with the sin that makes us free or not free. And saying that we did it because of our past, or it's our parents' fault, or it's our wife's fault because she wasn't sleeping with me enough, or it's my boss's fault because he was controlling. No, the buck stops with us and we have to go.

Rachel Campbell:

We all sin, we all fall short, but blame only perpetuates this disgusting toxic culture When really we just need to come cleaning. You know how helpful it would be to the church right now if some of these big time leaders would just say I really messed up and look a camera in the eye and say I'm sorry that I made this mistake and I chose wrong. Will you forgive me? I believe that Christians would be 100% in their corner going yes, we believe in redemption because we've been redeemed Well it's like in our relationship we have, when, anytime, there's a intense fellowship, fight or something like that.

Israel Campbell:

It's really one of the things that it's passionate about us is if you're gonna apologize. You never use the word, but An apology is that, and I think the repentance with a but is because of this is the same thing. It's not really and I'm not trying to guard, I'm not trying to judge people's hearts, I'm not. But the verbiage is so wrong It's still blame and it's bad for the people. So bad for people, but it's also so bad for you is if you begin to analyze, we really can't have an excuse for everything. I mean, your life has not been easy, The things that you have faced are difficult, The things that you're going through right now are not easy, but we can't use that as the catalyst or the excuse for why we are today because of the again, the power of the cross, the power of the resurrection, And so, as believers, that mentality is a secular mentality and we have to fight that strongly and just say that. So that is kind of the topic that we wanna talk about. Maybe a little bit of volleyball back and forth on how do we do that? Let's maybe I'll say this first Is it is good to find the triggers of sin. There really is some good things to go.

Israel Campbell:

Hey, I am maybe sexually. I think I heard something like I'm sexually hyper today because of something that had happened when I was younger, And I think that that's actually. I don't think there's anything wrong with pinpointing and being able to declare what it was. In fact, Jesus asks the blind man Bartimaeus, you know, what do you want? So there's something about determining where you want to be healed, What's the area you want to be healed in, And being able to say pinpoint, it's this, but it's never the excuse. It's the moment of God I need to be healed of that moment.

Israel Campbell:

I am making some mistakes today And I believe that that could be the cause, but I know that your blood covers that, heals that, and I'm never going to use that as an excuse. Do you agree with that Or do? you kind of just like what do you think on that?

Rachel Campbell:

I absolutely agree with that. I think it's really important to know if you've been through trauma you've got to get it.

Israel Campbell:

Ignoring it, it's not good.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, and you know there's times and seasons for getting help and getting counseling, getting some therapy and all of those things. But also, don't you think, israel, that there can be like where you choose therapy as a lifestyle Therapy should? a good therapist is trying to eliminate their job, like they shouldn't be, like a good therapist shouldn't be scheduling you three years down the road. A good therapist should be helping you move through these seasons that are really difficult and give you the tools to not only pinpoint yourself what it is that's tripping you up, what are those like things, but a good therapist helps you find your own voice but also gives you tools to move through that thing So it doesn't become your identity.

Rachel Campbell:

Right, and I think and then that's why you know we live in LA if you don't have a therapist, you're not trying, it's so cool, like I mean Chloe, when she was in sixth grade, all her friends had therapists And it was like I think that's just called a co-parent, like you're not parent or you're not maybe you don't know how to do the right things and have the tools, and so you need someone to correct your kid or whatever, because you don't know how. But does everyone need a therapist from sixth grade on?

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, I mean, I understand all the health, mental health things and stuff like that, So I get that. But you're so right, Number one, it shouldn't be a lifestyle right, It should be moments, And it'd be like like, yeah, I won't even go there. There's just so many things like, yeah, one time or three, you know, get through it. you shouldn't be four years with the same one. Then it's like, really, you've just hired a buddy to listen to you. you know what I mean. And then the other thing is a secular. again, it can do everything the opposite of what the word of God says. So I am very careful of that, Like who we recommend, And there's even some Christian ones that I'm like how many mushrooms. I'd rather them go to secular, because you can at least go okay.

Rachel Campbell:

Well, that's not godly thinking. But the problem too is that a lot of people that need counseling and therapy their jobs will not pay for and cover Christian therapists, and so then you run into that problem, and for people that are going through that I always just say the Bible says the Holy Spirit is the wonderful counselor. He is our counsel, and so when we have to go to a non-Christian therapist, it's important to have the word of God and being accountable to Christian leadership as much as so that you're being able to navigate it.

Rachel Campbell:

Okay, well that my therapist is saying this. What does the Bible say? And if you're not sure you have a check, you talk to your pastors or you talk to spiritual leaders in your church, so that you're not just getting secular.

Israel Campbell:

No, i 1000% agree. And it's like a diet, like you don't just eat Skittles, there's nothing wrong with Skittles. But if you had Skittles for breakfast, which I would love Skittles for breakfast, skittles at lunch, skittles for dinner, skittles for dessert then that would be too much. And so if all you're getting is the world's secular, that's terrible. And then you know, in those situations, balance it out. You, we should always. if you're doing an hour of secular counseling, then you better counter act that with at least an hour of are you in God's word, are you in prayer, are you speaking in tongue, filling yourself with the Holy Spirit? If not, you just got to go. this is a bad diet.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah.

Israel Campbell:

And so I don't think. there I agree with you. I'm leery of secular. Sometimes your insurance doesn't cover it, so I get it And you just need some help And you need some help. We're not anti any like, we're not anti that, but I am like try to get the right balance. Or you're having Freud be your counselor And that you know that that, at the end of the day, really doesn't prepare you for eternity, doesn't really pray, prepare you for kingdom conquering right now.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, and when I said earlier to, like you know, every parent has their kids in counseling is sixth grade I wasn't saying that in any kind of shame or condemnation. But sometimes I wonder if we're doing it because our friends tell us we're supposed to, and I think we just had to be careful to really ask the Holy Spirit does my kid need some therapy, and how long? when's the expiration date and what else can I do? What does God have for us? You know there's so much the Bible and each kid is so different.

Israel Campbell:

Each kid so different Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

But the Bible renews our mind and Paul talks a lot about. Look at Paul. He was the chief of sinners and the word of God and the power of God and being in community with Christians really helps us so that we can live an overcoming lifestyle where the makeup inside of us after abuse or after bad situations can still change.

Israel Campbell:

I love that Well, that kind of ties into mine. So maybe I could just say this real quick and then just go. But first, kings, chapter nine, verse seven is actually in my reading this morning. It's the story of Solomon, and what's interesting about it is God tells Solomon Hey, thank you for building the temple, i'm gonna, i'm gonna move in, i'm gonna move my presence in. It's going to be there, but if you guys stop obeying, this temple is going to be ruined and you'll be taken out to another land until there's repentance or whatever. So then, fast forward.

Israel Campbell:

The Bible talks about Nehemiah, and the Bible says that Nehemiah begins to repent for not only his sins but his father's sins. And I begin to think about that for a second. Thinking about Solomon is he wouldn't have known the right way to process it unless he was like what you just said, the Word of God. But while he's reading Kings, all of a sudden he's like oh my goodness, the reason we're no longer in Jerusalem, the reason why the temple is ruined, the walls are down, it's because we have we've stopped serving Yahweh, we have stopped serving God. So he begins to repent.

Israel Campbell:

So if you're not in the Word of God and all you're hearing is culture of the day, the nice little Instagram quotes, the you know, the cute little Pinterest things. Then you, we never realize, no, it's sin and I need to repent of it. And if we don't get that word in us, then we just we gloss it over, we blame it on somebody. It's not really that big of a deal, but the reason why Nehemiah was able to rebuild and to do things miraculously that whole story of Nehemiah building the wall up in 52 days all of that has to do with it started with repentance, and I think that that's the true like we were kind of starting out with is true, repentance is powerful, but we never have a real good grasp of repentance unless we're really reading God's Word, because then we're using His standard, not the world standard, because I mean really world standard. Is that really that bad?

Rachel Campbell:

I mean. well, usually the world standards standard makes you think, oh, that's right, I'm not the problem, My problems are my problem. That's basically what, what it says. And you know it's so easy If you have a sad story. You can become so controlling and manipulative And sometimes we don't even realize how much we can. You know any. I'm not saying you, i was looking at you, like you but.

Rachel Campbell:

If you have a really sad story. There is this temptation to control and manipulate with it, like you can get your own way because who's going to be hard on you and hold you to it to what you like, hold you to a higher standard If you make them feel really bad about where you've been right, because we're compassionate people. But that's controlling And that's again it's just perpetuating sin And at some point we have to go. We're, you know, we're born with evil in our heart. We're all not enough except for the blood of Jesus and the power of His redemption through our life. And so we've got to begin to come in partner with that.

Rachel Campbell:

And you know they're a good parent, can love you, while they're really correcting you. You know they've got this art. That's because they that's the nature of who God is. It's like as much as He corrects us, as much as He wants to hold us to the standard of no, you're better than that. You can start making new choices, you can start having new habits. You can stop being angry, you can stop being connected and and addicted to perversion or addicted to a substance, and God can help. Or you can stop being a gossip, or whatever it might be, of the huge list of things that you know, separate us from God.

Rachel Campbell:

And the thing is, all of us have sinned, and so we don't have to cover it, We don't have to blame something else for it. Every one of us have the same exact access to getting restored, and that is admitting our sin, recognizing our sin, taking it to the cross, asking Christ to shed His blood, forgive it and then walk in new freedom. And that's the. That is the trail to redemption. Not well, i'm working on it, but it's a long journey, because this is what happened to me. No, it's the same for all of us. None of us have an excuse.

Israel Campbell:

We all have the exact same excuse, so let's stop using it. We were all born into sin.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah, i think, as Christians, we need to be a little tougher, maybe even on ourselves and each other and go yeah, but you know what God's God has given us the gift of His grace and His mercy to be better.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, And I think that there's I mean, everything's in balance, right, And I think that there was maybe a season, you know, where you try to hide it and nobody talks about it.

Rachel Campbell:

So I you know that?

Israel Campbell:

yeah, that never goes good, or just the avoidance. We just don't even say it, we don't mention it. That's not good. So maybe it's a better step that they're talking about it. But anytime you try to blame, i just don't think. I pretty much know that's just not good for you. You never then get a chance. It's like well then I guess you're going to have to go. it's Billy Madison syndrome. you're going to have to go back and pass that test, that great again.

Israel Campbell:

because you don't move on, you don't move forward, because you're anchored to that past thing. You're saying everything I do is still tied to that. And I don't want I don't personally want my life tied to the sin of yesterday and the shortcomings of yesterday. and what other people did you know to always be the thing that projects me by, like you said, by God's grace? I mean, as Paul said, i'm a chief of sinners. So we're not throwing stones at people, we're just saying we have all sinned, we've all fallen short of the glory of God, but he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins. But that comes with confession, not PR.

Rachel Campbell:

Yeah And um, It's like we can hold others hostage for what they've done to us.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

Have you ever been on the um, on the other side of someone saying that the reason they are something is because of you? I'm walking through that right now, where someone's telling me the reason they are is because of what I do. And it's like you know you can't be if somebody has decided that in their heart, you have to go to God and even release them, like I forgive you even if you're not. You're not, you're not asking me to, you know, and um, i think it's so important that we just realized that blame is this vicious ugly cycle and either you could be on the side of being the one who's blaming.

Rachel Campbell:

I'm blaming my husband because he doesn't give me enough emotional attention, or I'm blaming my kids because they keep um, you know doing something and it's exasperating my life. Or I'm blaming my job because no one respects my intelligence there. You know we can have. I'm blaming my church because they don't have enough flow of the Holy spirit, or whatever your thing is. We cannot control what happens to us, but we control how we respond And God is the king of making beauty out of ashes And when we get the revelation that our environment and the people it does.

Rachel Campbell:

God does not depend on our circumstance to bless us.

Israel Campbell:

So good right.

Rachel Campbell:

And to set us free.

Israel Campbell:

Well, and it's a muscle. Blame is a muscle and some of us have ripped blame. I mean we are like juiced up blame, you know what I mean? Like cause it's a muscle and we keep on doing it and it starts out with a little thing Yeah, maybe it's school, uh, you know whatever it is. And then that muscle just increases it And some of us are working that muscle every day and that's the go to thing. So when there is something, that muscle you know is the thing that we use, and so I don't want a big blame muscle.

Israel Campbell:

I do not like big blame and I cannot lie.

Rachel Campbell:

And I think, too, it's important to how do you break any kind of cycle that maybe you don't even know you're doing because it's been happening so long? And, like Israel was saying, like you have to repent for the sins of your parents. Maybe your parents did, but here's the deal. I think blame is, if you can just look at, every time you blame somebody else.

Rachel Campbell:

It's like you have this bag of seeds that you're sewing And I've seen it so many times where, um, someone will hate, blame their parents for bad parenting and talk to their kids about how bad their parents were. And then their kids get older and now they're doing the exact same thing to you And you're like, but I, how could you do that to me? And it's like, but you sowed every one of those seeds. And so to those who, um give grace, grace is given And you know, if you forgive, forgiveness is given And you know what, with the measure we use to pour out, it is given back to us. That is a promise and a principle. So it's really important to go.

Rachel Campbell:

I'm going to change the seeds I'm sewing And, instead of blaming, i'm going to take some personal responsibility on. I can't control what happened to me, but I can control what I do with what happened to me, and I think that that is a very important part of a believer's life. What do we do with what's happened to us? We take it to the cross. We find people, whether it is a therapist or a pastor or, um, someone that you can trust, to not only help you have the tools to walk through it and and get free and find forgiveness, but also to, um, hold you accountable that you're not going to get stuck in that rut, right Yeah.

Rachel Campbell:

I think it's so important that we do recognize these bad habits and move forward, and then we can have such a beautiful, free, happy life.

Israel Campbell:

Yeah, and, and like we said in the beginning, blame is lame And some of us need to read, some of us just need to repent of blaming and just God, help me again.

Israel Campbell:

If it's like a habit, it's a muscle, it's going to be difficult. There's been some things that you and I have recently wanted to see, um, the fruit of the spirit more in our life, and so we hold it. We've held each other accountable on that, like, hey, if I start to do that, oh well, you're not, you know, and so do those kind of things. But just, consistently, holy spirit, i want to move forward and I realize, every time I blame, i don't take accountability, and it's not, it is accountability, but it's accountability in a way of Christ. It can help me with this. Christ has forgiven me of this, christ has empowered me of it. So it's not a self-help, it's not a us just push through it, but there is this true power of repentance that will change our life And it's actually part of the gospel. And if we don't do that well, then I believe we don't really live the gospel well. So maybe you could pray with people and we'll go.

Rachel Campbell:

Why do we blame? because we're ashamed, and I think that blame and shame are fraternal twins. You know they're not exactly the same, but they were, they're in the same womb and they're produced together And we just have to know that That. Why do we blame? because we have shame. So Jesus died on the cross to despise the shame, and we need to begin to be call and see those things in our lives so that we can ask God to help us through it.

Rachel Campbell:

So, god, we just thank you for your Holy Spirit. That really is our counselor And Lord. We just come and we surrender our lives and just open up and say God, we don't want to be people who shift blame, who don't just come clean. We don't need to be embarrassed, we don't need to be ashamed. All of us are carrying different things we're walking through. All of our responses are because of what we've been through And so, lord, we ask you to help us, just like the Psalmist David that said search me, oh God, and know my heart, try me and know every anxious thought, see if there be any wicked in me and lead me into your ways everlasting God. That is our prayer today. God, search us, know us, see us.

Israel Campbell:

You, you, you you.

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