WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:04.400 As a church, we have been walking through the book of Mark now for several months. 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:09.919 Mark is one of the four authors that writes about the life, death, burial, resurrection of Jesus. 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:21.039 And in Mark's gospel, we have this penultimate moment in Mark chapter eight, where one of Jesus' followers, a man by the name of Peter, declares that Jesus is the Messiah. 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:29.280 It's a loaded term, one in which Peter and the rest of the disciples and the people of his era had uh superimposed their interpretation of what that meant. 00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:43.280 And what Mark is doing from that point on is he's starting to demonstrate what it looks like for Jesus to be the kind of Messiah that God had promised through the scriptures, the kind that would go to the cross to rescue and redeem his people. 00:00:43.840 --> 00:00:52.640 And so as he's doing that, he's not only showing what Jesus is, but he's showing what it actually means for those who choose to follow Jesus to be his disciples. 00:00:52.880 --> 00:00:54.240 And this is what we've seen. 00:00:54.479 --> 00:00:59.039 Jesus teaches about what he's going to do, and then he fleshes out what that means for us as disciples. 00:00:59.119 --> 00:01:11.120 And so what we find ourselves doing today is that Jesus is going to talk about marriage and divorce and what it actually looks like to view marriage through the lens of being his disciple. 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:20.640 Now, traditionally, the topic of divorce in the church has been one that has been uh divisive, harmful, painful. 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:27.040 And I think the reason for that is that almost every person, if not every person in this room, has had some touch with divorce. 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:31.519 Maybe you haven't personally been divorced, but you know someone who's been divorced. 00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:39.760 Uh statistics tell us that roughly 38 to 40% of marriages in Canada will end in divorce in their lifetime. 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.159 And so this is something that many of us will experience the touch of. 00:01:44.640 --> 00:01:50.079 My first personal memory of what divorce looked like was from grade five. 00:01:50.239 --> 00:01:53.920 I had a really close friend, and we had been close. 00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:56.480 And then suddenly in grade five, something switched. 00:01:56.640 --> 00:02:05.760 He went from being this kind of gregarious and outgoing and artistic person to being closed off and kind of a little bit uh abrasive and mean. 00:02:05.840 --> 00:02:07.200 And our friendship started to erode. 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:09.840 And I just didn't, I did not understand why. 00:02:10.159 --> 00:02:18.960 At the end of the year, I found out that halfway through the year, or maybe at the beginning of the year, his father had come to him one day and said, Hey, I don't love your mom anymore. 00:02:19.039 --> 00:02:20.080 I'm seeing someone else. 00:02:20.159 --> 00:02:27.520 And he had to bear the weight of that secret the entire year as he watched his parents' marriage dissolve. 00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:45.439 You see, I think the reason that divorce is such a sensitive topic is because when you look at it, rarely, if ever, do you ever find something that is not without a great degree of pain attached to it. 00:02:46.800 --> 00:03:08.000 But what we're gonna see today is that Jesus is going to open this topic for us and to invite us today to see that in the end, divorced relationships are not what our culture almost always says they're about incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, or simply growing apart. 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:15.120 But what Jesus is gonna unpack for us is that ultimately, at the heart of every divorce, is a hard heart. 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:24.479 And he's gonna invite us to see that the only way that can change is by his own sacrificial love displayed for us as human beings on the cross. 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:27.919 So if you have your Bibles, again, open them up to Mark chapter 10. 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:30.719 We're gonna continue on with that passage we just read. 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:36.800 So it says this then Jesus left that place and went into the region of Judea, and he crossed the Jordan. 00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:41.840 Again, crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:49.199 So in Mark's gospel, from Mark chapter 8 onwards, what you see is that Mark is having Jesus start to go towards the cross. 00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:56.479 He's starting to go south geographically from Galilee into the region of Judea, and eventually he will end up in Jerusalem. 00:03:56.639 --> 00:04:04.479 And at the same time, the closer he gets to Jerusalem, the higher the uh resistance comes from the religious leaders. 00:04:04.639 --> 00:04:06.479 And so we're gonna see one of these moments today. 00:04:06.560 --> 00:04:16.639 And it says in chapter two, some Pharisees who are the religious leaders of his day and age came and tested him by asking, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? 00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:20.560 Now, I want to pause here for a second and do a little bit of Bible nurtery. 00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:22.560 Are you guys okay with me doing a little bit of Bible nerd? 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:22.959 Yeah. 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:25.680 Some of you are like, yes, let's get after it. 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:39.680 Okay, so when we dive into the Greek term here, and I'm not gonna give you the Greek term because you don't need to know that, but what you do need to know is that the connotation of the Greek term tested is not like, hey, they wanted to offer Jesus a quiz. 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:43.199 They weren't trying to figure out if Jesus was certified to be a religious leader. 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:49.680 No, this has a strictly negative connotation, meaning that they were trying to entrap Jesus. 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:51.759 Now, how were they doing that? 00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:56.720 And the surface level, it just seems like they're asking him a basic theological question. 00:04:56.959 --> 00:05:00.319 You know, is this okay to have a divorce? 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:07.279 But no, because if you go back up and you read, it says that Jesus went into Judea and he crossed the Jordan. 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:15.439 Now, Mark kind of sees everything south of Galilee as Judea, but technically, the place that Jesus is in is a region called Perea. 00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:20.800 And Perea was ruled by a man named Herod Antipas. 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:34.959 Now, again, if you've been tracking with us, you may be familiar with that name because Herod Antipas is the one who arrested John the Baptist and eventually his wife and her and her daughter plotted to have John the Baptist's head cut off. 00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:38.800 Now, do you guys remember why John the Baptist got arrested? 00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:46.160 Because he was critiquing Herod for getting a divorce and then marrying a divorced woman. 00:05:46.480 --> 00:05:50.079 So the Pharisees are not asking an arbitrary theological question. 00:05:50.240 --> 00:06:00.000 They are asking a politically charged question in a quest to entrap Jesus in a situation where the political powers of that day would feel critiqued and take him out. 00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:02.480 This was the heart of the Pharisees. 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:07.920 They did not care what God's desire was for marriage, they did not care to know the truth about divorce. 00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:11.600 They were simply, strictly trying to entrap Jesus. 00:06:11.759 --> 00:06:13.360 And what does Jesus do? 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:14.879 He doesn't fall for it. 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.480 In fact, he flips it on its head. 00:06:16.639 --> 00:06:20.319 So in verse three, it says, uh, what did Moses say to you? 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:21.600 He replied. 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:28.720 Now, again, we we might not get this on face value, but the Pharisees were like the Bible guys. 00:06:28.879 --> 00:06:34.879 Like they memorized the entire, you know, like the 66 books of the Bible, 39 of them are the Old Testament. 00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:40.000 These guys memorized the 39, like thousands and thousands of pages of Hebrew manuscript. 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:41.680 They had it memorized in their head. 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:43.120 They were the Bible experts. 00:06:43.279 --> 00:06:48.480 It's like me going to a gym and looking at a bodybuilder and saying, Hey, bro, you lift. 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:50.560 Like it's such a bizarre question. 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:52.480 You're talking to the experts. 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:57.360 So Jesus is he's poking at them a little bit. 00:06:57.519 --> 00:07:00.399 He says, Hey, what did Moses command you? 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:02.560 Like, hey, you guys read your Bible? 00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:06.160 Well, they're getting a little bit like frustrated. 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:11.199 So, like, well, Jesus, of course we know what Moses commanded us. 00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:17.199 They said Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. 00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:22.160 Now I want us to be careful attention, pay careful attention to the wording. 00:07:22.800 --> 00:07:25.759 They said Moses permitted. 00:07:27.360 --> 00:07:29.920 Is permission and command the same thing? 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:31.519 No. 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.160 So what does Jesus say back? 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:43.680 It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law, Jesus replied, but at the beginning of creation, God made the male and female. 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:50.000 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:52.720 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 00:07:52.959 --> 00:08:00.000 Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:04.800 So Jesus says, Hey, you guys read your Bible and they say, Oh, yeah, Jesus, we know our Bible. 00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:07.360 Deuteronomy chapter 24, verse 1 to 4. 00:08:07.519 --> 00:08:12.720 Moses tells the people of Israel that they can give their wife a certificate of divorce. 00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:18.800 Permitted, not commanded. 00:08:19.519 --> 00:08:20.079 Why? 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:26.639 What was going on that God would say, hey, give a certificate of divorce? 00:08:27.439 --> 00:08:39.919 Well, both in Jesus' day and in Moses' day, the culture of the time was largely patriarchal, which means men had all the power and authority, and women were also often treated like the property of the man. 00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:47.200 And what would often happen is that if a man decided, hey gal, you burnt my toast. 00:08:47.360 --> 00:09:03.279 You're not a good wife anymore, he could just kick her out, crick her to the streets, and no one else would want to marry her because she would be considered used goods, or she would maybe even be in danger if it was assumed that she had been kicked out for committing adultery and which she could be stoned to death. 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:09.840 And so what Moses did is he said, you can't just treat another human being like discarded trash. 00:09:10.480 --> 00:09:23.919 If you are going to do this, then you must do so in such a way that allows the woman to move on to gain some economic uh opportunities so that she can survive. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:31.679 You have to actually write on a certificate why you divorced her so another man can say, Oh, I like my toast burnt. 00:09:32.159 --> 00:09:34.320 We can get married, right? 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:35.440 This is what was going on. 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:38.000 And the same problem was happening in Jesus' day and age. 00:09:38.240 --> 00:09:56.000 It was different, it was slightly different, but women were still largely treated like property to be used for the glory and desires of their husband, and were always, almost always in danger of being discarded if their husband so felt that way. 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:06.879 What Jesus is exposing is that they had actually completely missed what God's command and heart was for marriage. 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:20.399 See, God in his grace and mercy was looking at a broken humanity, a humanity that was hard-hearted, and that sin was causing damage, and God stepped into that reality to mitigate the harm. 00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:30.159 But what Jesus is implying here, he's like, hey guys, Moses didn't just write Deuteronomy, Moses also wrote Genesis. 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.600 So what did God say to humanity in Genesis? 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:34.960 And he just starts quoting scripture. 00:10:35.039 --> 00:10:38.960 He quotes from Genesis chapter 1, verse 27, and 2, verse 24. 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:42.159 He says, This is what God actually intended. 00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:44.399 And let me just read it one more time for us. 00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:51.440 Jesus replied, But at the beginning of creation, God made them female and male, or male and female. 00:10:51.679 --> 00:10:57.120 For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:10:57.279 --> 00:11:00.240 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:03.120 Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:06.639 So Jesus looks at them and he says, Guys, you got it all wrong. 00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:08.080 Your heart's in the wrong place. 00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:11.120 Marriage was not fundamentally about you and your choices. 00:11:11.279 --> 00:11:14.399 Marriage was fundamentally made by God for God. 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:25.840 See, they had come to this point where all these patriarchal men were in this place and they were like, Oh, marriage is about me and my glory, me building my family line, and my wife making sure my toast isn't burnt. 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:32.720 And Jesus is like, no, no, marriage was made by God, and it was made for God. 00:11:33.919 --> 00:11:42.639 The Apostle Paul, one of Jesus' early followers, was unpacking this in more detail for the church of Ephesus, a church that he planted, Christians. 00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:47.679 And he's saying, Christians, this is what you need to actually understand about God's intention for marriage. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:53.039 So he begins the whole treatise off by saying, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:59.600 He says, You can't have the marriage that God calls you to have if you don't start off with the general premise that God gives. 00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:04.960 Marriage is between a man and a woman, both equally made in the image and likeness of God. 00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:07.200 There's an equality to marriage. 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:11.440 And so he says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 00:12:11.679 --> 00:12:21.120 The starting point of a good, strong, healthy marriage must be A, that we understand that we are on the same page, and B, that we both understand that we are under God. 00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:27.440 And then he goes on, and this is important, he describes that men and women are equal, but they are different. 00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:30.559 They have different ways in which they demonstrate their submission to Christ. 00:12:30.879 --> 00:12:34.080 Talks about wives submitting to their husband like the church submits to Christ. 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:38.720 And he talks about husbands loving their wives sacrificially like Christ did for the church. 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:49.279 And then at the end of chapter five and verse 28, Paul wraps things up and he says, This in the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:51.840 He who loves his wife loves himself. 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:58.000 How were the people in Moses' time treating their wives? 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:01.120 Were they treating them like their own bodies? 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:01.759 No. 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:06.559 They were treating them like women were their property. 00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:12.159 So right here, Paul's getting at the heart of it. 00:13:12.240 --> 00:13:18.480 He's saying, you first have to look at this other person and see them as another human being made in the image and likeness of God. 00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:26.240 And then he goes on and says in verse 29, after all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church. 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:27.519 So he starts anchoring it. 00:13:27.679 --> 00:13:29.519 How are you supposed to look at your marriage? 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:32.080 Look at it like Christ does the church. 00:13:32.320 --> 00:13:34.399 For we are members of his body. 00:13:34.559 --> 00:13:44.080 And then Paul quotes the same passage that Jesus has just quoted, and he says, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:46.960 This is a profound mystery. 00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:49.600 Now, again, a little bit of Bible nurdery. 00:13:49.759 --> 00:13:54.399 Whenever you see that word mystery, it's a translation of the Greek word mysterion. 00:13:54.559 --> 00:13:59.759 And mysterion has this connotation, which is that there's something that was hidden that has now been revealed. 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.919 The most frequent way that it gets used is to talk about the gospel, to talk about Jesus. 00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:13.600 It says essentially, God had this plan to rescue and renew humanity through his son Jesus Christ, but you only got foreshadows and little tastes of it in the Old Testament, hints to what's to come. 00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:16.960 But when Jesus comes, the mystery has been revealed. 00:14:17.039 --> 00:14:26.799 So in the same way, what Paul is saying here is that God had a plan and a purpose for marriage, and we only got bits and pieces of what that actually was, what the significance of the marriage relationship was. 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:33.759 And it's not until Jesus shows up that we can finally see the true picture that God has for marriage. 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:41.360 So this is what he says this is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ in the church. 00:14:44.080 --> 00:14:52.559 Therefore, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 00:14:53.120 --> 00:14:54.639 Here's what Paul is saying. 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:56.399 Here's what Jesus is saying. 00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:59.440 Marriage was made by God for God. 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:01.279 What was it for? 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:07.360 So that God could give a picture of what he is like to the world around. 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:12.000 So Paul is saying is your marriage was never meant for you. 00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:19.919 It was actually meant so that you could give a picture to the world around you of Jesus and his church. 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:26.799 Think about how we often imagine marriage in our culture today. 00:15:27.440 --> 00:15:32.159 Now, again, we don't live in a patriarchal society, contrary to popular opinion. 00:15:32.799 --> 00:15:38.960 But we do live in a society that does predominantly tell us to be all about ourselves. 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:50.399 And so we enter into marriage and we think marriage is primarily about my happiness, someone who's going to make me better, someone who's going to uh, you know, make my life more easy. 00:15:52.080 --> 00:16:00.480 And the same problem, it manifests in a different way, but the same problem that was going on in Jesus' day and age is the same problem that pegs our culture now. 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:14.720 See, I think the reason that oftentimes we see divorce as frequent, or maybe not quite as frequent, but still present in the church, is because we too have lost sight of what God's intent for marriage is. 00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:24.960 We too have hard hearts and start to think that it's primarily for me and about me when what God wants us to understand is that marriage is primarily for him and about him. 00:16:27.039 --> 00:16:34.639 When you go back and read what Jesus quotes, it starts to make sense in light of the understanding of this is about Christ and the church. 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:36.799 God made the male and female. 00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:41.600 Jesus and his church are separate, they have different roles. 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:46.080 But for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. 00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:56.799 And yet, because Jesus left his father, he pursued out of love his church, he is now united with us by the shedding of his blood. 00:16:58.639 --> 00:17:00.960 The two will become one flesh. 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:03.759 We are now the body of Christ. 00:17:04.559 --> 00:17:06.799 So they are no longer two but one flesh. 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:10.240 Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:12.559 This relationship is an eternal relationship. 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:15.359 It is a death till death do us part relationship. 00:17:15.440 --> 00:17:25.839 That's why when we do marriages in the church, we say till death do us part, because Jesus is in pursuit of his people and he will not give up until death. 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:38.319 Church, our entire marriage conception needs to shift so that we start to see that this is what we are to put on display. 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:50.480 Our marriage was first and foremost meant to show the picture of a God who would not stop pursuing his wayward bride. 00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:53.039 The Jesus Storybook Bible uses this term. 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:56.960 It says he has a never-stopping, never giving up, always and forever love. 00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:03.119 This is what our marriage is supposed to show in the way that we love, pursue, submit, care for each other. 00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.279 It's to put a picture of our loving God on display. 00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:12.480 And so let me ask you this. 00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:22.400 As you think about your own relationships, your own marriages, what view of marriage have you brought into the relationship? 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:29.359 Is it a high view where you start to see that this is fundamentally not about me but about God? 00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:35.920 Maybe a second question to ask is just simply this. 00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:42.319 What picture of the world what picture is the world around you seeing in your marriage? 00:18:43.920 --> 00:18:47.680 Is it a distortion of who Jesus is? 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:51.839 Or is it the reality? 00:18:56.400 --> 00:19:00.160 So Jesus is looking at the Pharisees, he's confronting their hearts. 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:10.079 And if this is how Jesus feels about marriage, then it does beg the question: how does Jesus feel about divorce? 00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:16.720 Well, the Bible tells us that God hates divorce. 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:24.799 Now I I want to pause here for a second because I know there are people in this room who have walked through marriages ending. 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:29.119 There are people in this room who carry guilt and shame because your marriage has ended. 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:41.119 And sometimes there are people in this room who are here and you fought so hard for your marriage to stay together, and it was such a painful experience, and you still carry guilt and pain from that. 00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:49.039 What I want to say to you is that I am not here to add more shame or guilt to your experience. 00:19:49.359 --> 00:19:55.599 But I do also think it is important for us to take stock of how God feels about these things. 00:19:55.920 --> 00:20:03.440 For sake of time, I won't read the whole passage, but Malachi chapter 2, verses 13 to 16, God unpacks what he thinks of divorce. 00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:10.960 And in fact, at a certain point he says, essentially, if you are engaged in divorce, then it's like the spirit of God is not in you. 00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:12.799 Like that's a heavy word. 00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:24.319 And then verse 16 of the NAS at the NASB version of the Bible, Jesus says, or God says, For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, I hate divorce. 00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:27.839 And him who covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of armies. 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:35.119 So be careful about your spirit, what you do, uh, that you do not do deal treacherously. 00:20:35.599 --> 00:20:38.799 So that God looks at divorce and he says, I hate that. 00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:44.000 Now I want to pause again here a second because you need to hear this. 00:20:44.240 --> 00:20:49.279 What God is not saying is, I hate divorced people. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:58.880 And I think sometimes the church has got this wrong where we sort of project, because you've gone through this, therefore, you are detestable to God. 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.000 But the reality is that God is for people, God chases after people. 00:21:04.160 --> 00:21:16.880 We have an entire book of the Bible called Hosea, in which God uses the picture of a prophet who's chasing after his wife, who becomes a prostitute, to talk about his own radical pursuit of broken humanity. 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:22.000 So if you are sitting here today and your marriage has ended and you hear that and you're like, does God hate me? 00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:24.079 The answer is fundamentally no. 00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:25.519 God does not hate you. 00:21:25.680 --> 00:21:27.839 God went to the cross for you. 00:21:29.599 --> 00:21:31.839 But God does hate divorce. 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:37.359 And if we're all being honest, I think every single one of us hates divorce. 00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:43.680 Like who wakes up in the middle of the day or wakes up in the morning and says, hmm, you know what I want today? 00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:55.599 I want to find a relationship that's happy and filled with love and good feelings, and then just devolves into two people hating each other and having to fracture their life and breaking up their friendships and their kids get devastated. 00:21:55.680 --> 00:21:58.880 Like no one wakes up and says, That's what I want for my life. 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:03.759 We all Look at the devastation of divorce, and we think that is not good. 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:04.640 I hate that. 00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:06.319 I wish I could eliminate that. 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:08.799 And that is what God is saying here. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:16.799 He says, I look at the destructive effects of you as human beings and your hard hearts, taking marriage and making it about yourself. 00:22:17.119 --> 00:22:18.559 And I hate that. 00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:22.000 I hate that there are kids whose lives are ripped apart. 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:27.200 I hate that there are people whose lives are completely changed and transformed and can't get back on their feet. 00:22:27.359 --> 00:22:35.440 I hate that there's increased poverty and drug addiction and uh father's all those stuff that comes out of this thing called divorce. 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:48.319 And Jesus' mind, he's saying, if our heart is set towards obedience to God, then divorce is not an option. 00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:53.599 I get it, that's a heavy word. 00:22:54.960 --> 00:23:02.640 But what we see is that Jesus upholds that a marriage is to be a lifelong faithful commitment. 00:23:03.920 --> 00:23:08.319 In fact, if we go to verse 10, this is exactly what he says to his disciples. 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:17.920 It says that when they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this, and he answered, Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery with her. 00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:22.480 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:32.400 Here Jesus says, if you treat marriage like it is a, you know, been there, done that, gonna move on to the next best thing, then you are actually entering into sin. 00:23:36.559 --> 00:23:46.720 Because you have committed yourself before God to another person, your marriage is to be a picture of his faithfulness, his pursuit, his love, his graciousness. 00:23:46.799 --> 00:23:51.920 And if you abandon that, then you have broken what God has joined. 00:23:55.599 --> 00:24:05.440 Now, eminent uh whenever you kind of have this type of conversation, everyone wants to jump to, okay, but there are exceptions, right? 00:24:05.599 --> 00:24:09.359 Like there are some things that God's like, no, no, no, that's that's too bad. 00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:11.039 You you don't need to stay in there. 00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:17.119 Now, there are exceptions, and I'll I'll just quickly go through them, but but I don't want to just like start there. 00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:23.440 I want us to start here where it's like Jesus says, like, my heart for marriage is that you put me on display. 00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:32.960 And so the way that you enter into it should be like this is one man, one woman, one lifetime, one covenantal union, one flesh, like all that stuff. 00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:36.079 That's where our heart needs to start. 00:24:39.039 --> 00:25:08.880 But it is true that just as God was mitigating the sin of the Israelites by allowing Moses to um, by by telling Moses to uh give the people permission to get uh give a certificate of divorce, that God does look at human brokenness and recognizes there are sometimes such egregious sin in a relationship that it fractures the possibility of being a one-flesh reality because trust is broken and therefore the covenant is severed. 00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:12.960 There are really three places that I would identify in the scriptures. 00:25:13.200 --> 00:25:14.799 The first is adultery. 00:25:15.039 --> 00:25:17.920 Jesus says in Matthew chapter 5, verses 31 and 32. 00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:33.759 Again, I'll just uh summarize it that if a man and a woman divorce because of default, because one of the partners has committed adultery, that then that person who was sinned against does have the choice to pursue another marriage relationship. 00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:37.359 Now I want to pause here for a second. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:39.519 Because I I get this. 00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:44.720 Like I have had this thought, like, you know, I'm okay, let me back up. 00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:47.200 I am not worried about my wife cheating on me. 00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:48.480 We have a great relationship. 00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:49.440 I love her dearly. 00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:50.480 She's an incredible woman. 00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:51.920 She is so faithful. 00:25:52.240 --> 00:25:57.359 But on occasion, I have wondered what I would do in this type of situation. 00:25:58.799 --> 00:26:01.440 And I can tell you, I don't know. 00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:02.799 I don't know. 00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:05.839 But I can tell you what I would hope that I would do. 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:22.000 My hope would be that I would look at this picture of Jesus put on display and I would look at the way that he pursues my wayward heart, my faithlessness, and I would say, despite the hurt that I am going through, I will pursue this woman because I made a covenant commitment before God. 00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:26.960 And it is a never-stopping, never giving up, always and forever love commitment that he's shown me. 00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:29.920 So I am going to do my best to pursue that person. 00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:36.319 So just because you can doesn't necessarily mean that you should. 00:26:38.000 --> 00:26:39.920 But that is an exception. 00:26:40.160 --> 00:26:43.039 Uh, the second exception that we are given is abandonment. 00:26:43.200 --> 00:26:45.279 1 Corinthians chapter 7, verses 12 to 15. 00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:46.240 Again, just summary. 00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:53.759 The apostle Paul is writing to Christians in the church of Corinth, and he says, Hey, if you're married to an unbeliever, that person says, You became a follower of Jesus. 00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:54.799 I don't want anything to do with you. 00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:55.680 They discard you. 00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:57.759 You are free from your covenant commitment. 00:26:57.839 --> 00:26:59.359 They have walked out of it. 00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:08.079 And the final one I'll give is one that may be a little bit more controversial, but I do believe this is actually true. 00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:19.920 Is that the passage that we just read in Malachi chapter 2, verse 16 implies that God is so hateful for physical abuse that it has eroded the marriage covenant. 00:27:20.160 --> 00:27:21.039 Where did I get that? 00:27:21.119 --> 00:27:23.680 Well, he says, uh, I for I hate divorces the Lord. 00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:34.000 So I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and so I hate divorce, and so I hate and him who covers his garment with violence. 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:42.319 So I said before, God doesn't hate divorce people, but according to Malachi chapter 2, verse 16, God hates God hates people who abuse their spouse. 00:27:42.480 --> 00:27:49.759 Like there is something that God is against in that act that is so viscerally opposed to what he has for marriage. 00:27:50.079 --> 00:27:52.160 And I just want to say this and I want to say it clearly. 00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:58.319 If you are in an abusive relationship, I do not believe that God has called you to stay in that space. 00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:01.920 He might not call you to get a divorce, but you do not need to stay in that space. 00:28:02.000 --> 00:28:05.680 And if that is you, we want to do our best to help you. 00:28:06.559 --> 00:28:09.759 And we will work so hard to bring you to a place of safety. 00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:12.720 If you and your kids are in danger, you need to get out. 00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:22.799 These are the biblical exceptions that God gives, yet this is not his heart for marriage. 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:32.079 Now, whenever you kind of deal with a pastor like this, inevitably there are people in the room who aren't married. 00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:36.799 And you're like, okay, I'm not married, not my problem, not my not my circus. 00:28:36.960 --> 00:28:39.119 Like I'm I'm gonna tune out for today. 00:28:39.440 --> 00:28:43.440 But I want to encourage you, if you're sitting here and you're like, I'm not married, this doesn't apply to me. 00:28:43.680 --> 00:28:50.400 I want to say what you're missing is that this is not fundamentally about marriage. 00:28:50.640 --> 00:28:57.839 Yes, the the context is marriage, but the issue that Jesus is dealing with there is hard-heartedness. 00:28:58.400 --> 00:28:59.599 And guess what? 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:05.279 You may not be married, but guaranteed there's probably areas of your life that you are hard-hearted in. 00:29:06.400 --> 00:29:11.759 I remember a few years ago, I had this moment of confrontation with the Holy Spirit. 00:29:12.079 --> 00:29:18.559 I had this habit where I would download movies and TV shows and music because I just decided, hey, I can do this for free. 00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:20.079 I don't need to pay for this stuff. 00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:21.200 That's awesome. 00:29:21.519 --> 00:29:25.680 And I had this picture in my mind that, you know, I was, I was, I was doing okay. 00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:28.559 Like it wasn't maybe ethical, but it wasn't really illegal. 00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:31.279 It's only illegal to upload in this country, not download. 00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:36.480 And I was really just downloading and I just I played these like moral gymnastics in my head. 00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:41.119 And for years and years, the Holy Spirit was like, Andrew, this is this area of holdout. 00:29:41.279 --> 00:29:42.079 Andrew, this is wrong. 00:29:42.240 --> 00:29:43.519 Andrew, you shouldn't be doing this. 00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:45.119 I was like, no, God, it's okay. 00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:45.680 I got this. 00:29:45.759 --> 00:29:47.519 Like, it's not that big a deal. 00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:51.200 My heart was hardened. 00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:57.039 And because of that, maybe it wasn't illegal, but I was stealing people's intellectual property. 00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:04.000 I was doing harm because of my hard-heartedness. 00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:09.200 So if you were here today and you're not married, great. 00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:10.640 Guess what? 00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:16.640 There are other areas of your life where destruction is happening because of your hard-heartedness. 00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:19.599 And Jesus wants to highlight that today. 00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:25.119 Because as I said, what Jesus is exposing this moment is not fundamentally a marriage issue. 00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:30.880 Phantom is fundamentally a heart issue. 00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:40.640 And it's something that you and I are completely unable to fix on our own. 00:30:49.039 --> 00:30:52.559 And Mark was not one of the eyewitnesses to this, as far as we know. 00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:54.000 He learned all this from Peter. 00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:54.960 Matthew was. 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:59.599 So Matthew recounts some different details, and Matthew actually has the disciples' response. 00:30:59.680 --> 00:31:00.480 And this is what he writes. 00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:05.920 He says, The disciples said to him, If this is the situation between a husband and a wife, it's better not to marry. 00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:08.319 So the disciples look at Jesus' viewpoint of marriage. 00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:13.200 They look at how incredibly huge this is, and they're like, I don't think I can do that. 00:31:13.440 --> 00:31:17.599 Maybe I should just take marriage off the table if this is what marriage is all about. 00:31:19.359 --> 00:31:21.200 It's funny, Jesus actually doesn't correct them. 00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:23.119 He's like, no, no, like you're overblowing. 00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:25.359 No, he's like, no, this is really hard. 00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:27.759 This is something you probably can't do. 00:31:28.160 --> 00:31:34.880 And if I'm in a really honest church, can I live this picture of marriage out? 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:36.319 No. 00:31:37.599 --> 00:31:40.240 Have I lived this picture of marriage out? 00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:43.119 Not all the time. 00:31:44.960 --> 00:31:48.160 I think all of us are kind of in the same space. 00:31:48.720 --> 00:32:02.960 And again, your thing might not be marriage, but you can look at that picture of what God has called you to in your life and your hard-heartedness in it, and you start to realize, oh shoot, I don't got this. 00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:12.160 But here is where the beautiful truth of the gospel comes in. 00:32:15.039 --> 00:32:24.559 Because the entire Old Testament tells us a story of a God who is in pursuit of sinful humanity who fails again and again and again and again. 00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:25.200 Why? 00:32:25.359 --> 00:32:27.200 Because our hearts are hard. 00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:45.599 But it tells us that God will come and intervene to take our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh so that we can actually live this picture of marriage, that we can go and put Jesus on display in how we live because our hearts are renewed. 00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:47.359 Well, how does that happen? 00:32:48.559 --> 00:33:00.240 It happens because our groom, Jesus Christ, had a love that was never stopping, never giving up, always and forever, and caused him to go to the cross for us. 00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:04.720 And at the cross, his love perfectly put on display. 00:33:04.960 --> 00:33:11.759 He exchanges with us our hard hearts and gives us his heart of flesh. 00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:18.640 And when we encounter him, when we actually experience this love, when we say, Jesus, man, I need to submit myself to you. 00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:20.480 I've seen your love put on display. 00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:21.759 I have seen what you've done. 00:33:21.839 --> 00:33:24.960 I'm now going to start living for you, not for myself. 00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:27.839 It changes the way that we enter into marriage. 00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:30.960 It changes the way that we enter into life. 00:33:34.799 --> 00:33:37.759 And this is the heart of what Jesus is getting at. 00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:41.920 His message isn't fundamentally about marriage. 00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:44.319 His message is fundamentally about himself. 00:33:45.359 --> 00:34:01.440 See, in this moment, Jesus is using the picture of marriage to expose our hard-heartedness, our need, and invite us to see that it's only when we submit and surrender ourselves to him that we can actually live life as God intended us to live. 00:34:20.320 --> 00:34:25.679 The first group I want to talk to is single people, especially single people who hope to be married someday. 00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:35.119 If you are here in this room, you're watching online, and you're like, hey, I don't really know about this whole marriage thing, I'm not there yet, but you want to get married, how does this work for you? 00:34:35.519 --> 00:34:36.639 Well, I want to say this. 00:34:36.880 --> 00:34:52.400 If you want to get married someday, the best gift you can give to your spouse, the best way you can guarantee that your marriage will be fruitful and lifelong is that you start to cultivate a soft heart now. 00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:58.079 You start to cultivate a soft heart now. 00:34:58.719 --> 00:35:07.920 Start looking at those places in your life where your heart, where you think it's about you, where you've been making it all about you and your glory instead of him and his glory. 00:35:08.000 --> 00:35:10.400 And start learning to submit those things to him. 00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:22.400 If you are here today and you're not a follower of Jesus and you're a single person, I guarantee it, the best thing you can do for your happy future life is to submit yourself to Jesus. 00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:30.800 For married people who are in healthy marriages, you're looking at your spouse and you're like, Andrew, we got this. 00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:35.519 You know, like I've been married for a minute and you know, we're pretty good. 00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:41.199 Let me just say this: Shannon and I um are probably two of the most compatible people. 00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:44.079 I mean, I do marriage counseling, I do premarital counseling. 00:35:44.239 --> 00:35:47.440 Like Shannon and I are like, we are we are tight. 00:35:47.599 --> 00:35:52.400 Like we like the same things, we communicate the same way, we often look at the world in the same way. 00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:54.239 Our families are very similar. 00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:57.679 There are so much levels of compatibility. 00:35:58.960 --> 00:36:04.880 But a few years ago, we got to this point, despite all our compatibility, life circumstances were very stressful. 00:36:05.039 --> 00:36:07.840 And we got to this point where we could not stop fighting. 00:36:08.159 --> 00:36:09.119 Some of you know what I mean. 00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:14.480 It's like we start talking about something and it just turns into a fight, no matter how hard we tried. 00:36:14.880 --> 00:36:16.400 We were not seeing eye to eye. 00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:20.320 And it got to this moment, it was like I remember this moment in my mind's eye. 00:36:20.480 --> 00:36:30.320 Like we were downstairs, we were doing a basement rano, I was stressed out, she was stressed out, and I got so angry that I took like a tape measure and I just like flung it at the floor, like as hard as I could, because I was so angry. 00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:31.599 And she was like, I'm out. 00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:34.000 She got into our car and she drove away. 00:36:34.159 --> 00:36:37.519 And I was like, Oh crap. 00:36:37.920 --> 00:36:42.000 Like, is she gonna drive all the way to Alberta and like start living with her parents? 00:36:42.159 --> 00:36:45.440 Like I was viscerally afraid. 00:36:46.960 --> 00:36:47.760 She didn't. 00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:50.559 She just took a minute, gave me a minute. 00:36:52.400 --> 00:37:04.000 Eventually, we came back, we talked, and we continued to work out our relationship, and we continue to build bridges, and we continue to learn to show grace and forgiveness. 00:37:04.159 --> 00:37:08.880 But let me tell you, it wasn't our compatibility that brought us together. 00:37:11.119 --> 00:37:16.239 It was the reality that we recognized that our marriage was not first and foremost about ourselves. 00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:18.719 It was about Him. 00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:28.480 And it was out of obedience to Him, even when we were hurt and angry, that we could come back and love each other in the midst of our pain. 00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:33.679 I want to talk to married Christians who are struggling in your marriage. 00:37:34.159 --> 00:37:41.760 Where you're looking at it and you're like, I think this is the best I can get, or you're like, I don't think I can do this anymore. 00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:56.960