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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Building a Community of Inclusion
🎙️ Welcome to The SJ Childs Show Podcast! 🎉
Join Sara Bradford—better known as SJ Childs—as she bridges understanding and advocacy for the neurodivergent community. This podcast shines a light on autism awareness, empowering stories, expert insights, and practical resources for parents, educators, and individuals alike.
Brought to you by The SJ Childs Global Network, a nonprofit dedicated to supporting autistic individuals and their families worldwide, this show is your weekly dose of inspiration and actionable ideas. Visit sjchilds.org to learn more about our mission, find resources, and connect with our growing community.
Catch us on platforms like Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Goodpods—or tune in Fridays at 8:30 AM EDT on the Helium Radio Network’s Life Improvement Radio (Channel 1). Together, let’s foster a brighter, more inclusive world! 🌟
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THE SJ CHILDS SHOW-Building a Community of Inclusion
Episode 323-Beyond the Box: Celebrating Neurodiversity and Finding Freedom in Authenticity
Ever felt like your brain works differently than everyone else's? Dr. Albert Bramante invites us to celebrate these differences as superpowers rather than limitations in this enlightening conversation about neurodiversity.
Drawing from his 22 years as a talent agent and his background in psychology, Dr. Bramante shares why he prefers the term "neurodivergent" over "on the spectrum" - it recognizes different processing styles without implying something is wrong. His personal revelation about likely having undiagnosed ADHD illustrates how understanding our unique wiring can be profoundly liberating rather than limiting.
The discussion ventures into territory many of us struggle with - the desire to be liked by everyone. Dr. Bramante offers the refreshing perspective that "we're not meant to be everybody's cup of tea" and encourages focusing on those who celebrate rather than merely tolerate us. This shift in thinking frees us from the exhausting pursuit of universal approval and allows us to embrace our authentic selves.
Perhaps most powerfully, Dr. Bramante challenges us to consider that history's greatest thinkers likely possessed neurodivergent traits that contributed to their exceptional perspectives. This reframing invites us to see conditions like ADHD and autism not as disorders but as different operating systems with unique capabilities that can lead to extraordinary innovation.
The conversation also explores accountability in our responses to life's challenges. While we can't control others' actions, we have complete control over our reactions - a perspective particularly empowering for those navigating a world designed for neurotypical minds. By taking responsibility without self-blame, we reclaim our power to shape our experiences.
Ready to embrace your unique wiring and discover how your differences might actually be your greatest strengths? Listen now and join the conversation about celebrating neurodiversity in all its forms.
The SJ Childs Show is Bradford's 13th season. Join Sarah Bradford and the SJ Childs Show team as they explore the world of autism and share stories of hope and inspiration. This season we're excited to bring you more autism summits featuring experts and advocates from around the world. Go to sjchildsorg to donate and to get more information. Congratulations on 2024's 20,000 downloads and 300 episodes.
Speaker 2:Woohoo, that's amazing. Thank you so much. It's so exciting, right it?
Speaker 1:really is.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Yeah, it started in COVID and it was such a great way for me to be able to connect and get out of my house, virtually, if you will, and not feel so isolated, recognizing um the need for sharing information and sharing, you know, this our our lifestyles and our experiences, and there's something so cathartic about being someone being able to take something from your story and help change their own lives. I think that is so special and wonderful. Thank you so much for being here today. Let's start out with an introduction. Please let us know a little bit about yourself and what brought you here.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, thank you for inviting me. I'm really honored to be here and my name is Dr Albert Bramante. I work with actors. I've been doing it for the past 22 years as a talent agent and I also have been working alongside actors and I have a PhD in psychology and I work with all types of people. There are some people that are typical and some people that are neurotypical, or what you might call neurodivergent, and that might mean that they're in a different path of functioning. In a sense, that doesn't mean in a limiting way. I don't even I like, kind of like the word neurodivergent versus on the spectrum when they describe people, because that kind of signifies that something is wrong, and I don't view that way what I view it as. This person just processes information a bit differently, but they're still gifted, they're still able to do things and they're still we can learn a lot from them and they can benefit.
Speaker 3:You know, you know society can benefit a lot from them I love that we just might have to tell our approach to working with different types of people, and you know I've been also a college professor for over 20 years, so I've worked with thousands of students and some that were already identified as being, you know, sort of different able or neurodivergent. Others may not even have known it yet went through the crisis you know, haven't really faced it. I'm in my late 40s and I've just been coming to the realization that I probably would have been diagnosed with full-blown ADHD if I was properly tested. I haven't, but I can tell you a lot of this stuff now makes perfect sense in my life.
Speaker 2:Isn't that?
Speaker 3:interesting, it's actually liberating, you know, it's like, oh, this makes sense now, okay. So I definitely think you know, a lot of times my ADD is in overdrive. If you look at my browser tab windows, I have, like you know, sometimes up to 80 tabs open, which is, you know, makes other people, when they look at my browser, almost run away Like, wow, and you know, now can I work on that? Absolutely, I probably could get down to 40 or 30. It's, but it's just, it's the way I've always worked. And for me, you know, because a lot of people ask me, you know I wear a lot of different hats. I'm a talent agent, I'm a college professor, I'm an author.
Speaker 3:I'm a coach and now, looking back at it, people ask how do you do it all? I'm like maybe 80-day, I don't know. So I can do a lot of different things and I can, you know, put my hand in a lot of different areas, put my hand in a lot of different areas. So this is where I've always believed that we have to look at people for the true nature of them and look at what gifts can they provide us.
Speaker 3:Because even if you look at people who have been ADHD or autistic or any way you want to describe it autistic or any way you want to describe it, they a lot of times there's other areas of contribution that they've had, and I even would say some of the greatest thinkers of our time you know, einstein, or you know even a major philosophers of our time might although at the time you know this is before modern science began I would guarantee that there's probably some type of neurodivergent activity within them, because that's what helps them, at the same time, produce. I was having a discussion with another group of people that works with actors, and those actors, and I think, sort of like to be that type of performer that can really tap into different roles and and blend in, you almost have to have a sort of neurodivergent capability. You know, like power in a sense and I use power, I'm not, that's not an accidental use of words. I do believe that all of this leads to superpowers rather than limitations.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I completely agree with that. I love what you said. In fact, I have to tell you, the best compliment I got last week from someone was a woman saying you are one of the most out there people I have ever met and you know, back in my childhood or whatever my adolescence, that might not have been something I would have been proud of to hear out there. However, now I know it is because I think outside the box and I don't have the parameters that people have to think in and those limits they put themselves in. I can think further than that.
Speaker 3:I'll even go a step further and say it's more boring to think outside the box. Why would you want to just color within the lines when you can just be free? You know, and so that's exciting to be. You know different and I can identify, because I was described, even growing up, like oh, this kid is weird, you know, referring to me, he's weird, and I remember one time I was in seventh grade and then this girl ahead of me turned to my home run teacher and pointed to me he's weird. Now, at that time I was only 12 years old. I was a little insulted by that. I I had, you know, my feelings hurt. Now I would have been like thank you, I am weird. I could have told you that before you even said that.
Speaker 3:So I'm proud of the fact that I'm, you know, might be considered weird by itself, because the one lesson that I I've really learned and I wish I knew when I was back in my teens and early twenties is that, no matter how, what we do, we're never going to be everyone's cup of tea.
Speaker 3:There's some people that we're just not going to resonate with, and that's okay. You know, we're not meant to be everybody's cup of tea, you know, but what we can do, and rather than maximizing, trying to get those outliers what I call those outliers that may not necessarily subscribe to our way of thinking I'd rather focus on those that do. Let's focus our energy on those that celebrate us. One of the biggest quotes that I have, and I've heard from one of my mentors, is we need to be around people that celebrate us, not tolerate us. And again, I love the quote I can't I didn't origin, originate it, but it's something that really sticks with me is that, you know, we need to be with people that celebrate us, not tolerate us. So, and that might mean it, it's not always easy because we, you know, I think just in general, you know, especially when we're young, we want everyone to like us. We want to please everybody.
Speaker 3:I mean, I'm a recovering people pleaser, you know it's yeah one of the things I would say I wanted people like me. I was like I wanted everyone to like me because I'm a good person. So I'm a good person, but I know that is that's an impossible feat to to, to achieve, so, to achieve. So I'm going to be me and some people may like it, some people may not. You know, it's not my control and it's not my concern anymore. So I think anybody listening to this I'd say be you, you know, and be okay with being, you know. Look, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but that's fine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, you know, my husband kind of came up with the quote, if you will, the other day when we were talking and we were talking about creating communities and how we kind of rally around those communities, and he said, you know, I want them to know and he is also um, audie HD is as well as I am and he said, you know, write this down. So here writing this down. And he said we are not here to convince you, we're undeniable, and I love that it's not isn't that great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're not here to convince you that our brains work differently. They do you like figure that out Like we're figuring it out for ourselves too?
Speaker 3:So Exactly, and you know, even coming from a teacher standpoint, that's just probably in my classes I teach, you know, I teach, like I said, uh, those that are over 18 and post and secondary, post-secondary who may have come from teachers that may not have understood or went for an all-linear type of thinking where all students will learn the same way, that's not have understood or went for an all-linear type of thinking where all students must learn the same length. That's not true. Everybody has their unique style and as an educator, flexibility is important, so that you have to, you know, kind of incorporate different methods so you can. Obviously there are people that learn in on your fashion, great, cater to those people, but then there's also those that learn a different route and learn a different way and march to a different drum, and so you have to come up with sometimes thinking outside the box. Now I think for people that, like us, it's easier to do that than to think outside the box. It's always been that type.
Speaker 3:And one thing I kind of come to a realization early in my life, especially in my work life I'm better working for myself because of that. You know, I work well with teams. I have great, even with jobs I've had. I have great relationship with coworkers and supervisors, but I also, I think, again from those linear types I might have been threatening because I always like, hey, why do we do it this way? And I think if you're the type of employer that goes with the status quo, that might not be exactly the best thing to hear or to do. And so I think, for for this reason, why I don't, maybe not, I'm not the best, I don't want to say and I'm not saying this to knock myself I'm not the best employee because I'm not going to go, you know, with the status quo and I just I am not built that way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I'm great, I'm loyal. You want me to do what you want, but I really have to almost do it my way. Yeah, and I'll still respect, of course, everything you want to do, but it has to be. It's just ingrained in me. I have to do it my way and that's why I kind of like one of the advantages of being a business owner, entrepreneur, is I get to do that. I get to do it my way. You know, am I gonna make mistakes? Absolutely. Am I gonna fall on my face? Absolutely, but it's still gonna be my own way and you learn best from those things.
Speaker 2:I think too, when you are able to figure out your own areas that you made a wrong turn or took you know whatever is it's it almost, is, I think, better for yourself to identify those things on your own and be able to correct them for yourself, and it gives you those tools in the future yeah, I mean one of the the statements I've always kind of went with there's no such thing as failure, only feedback.
Speaker 3:So so the mistakes that we make, the failure that we make, is just feedback. Okay, well, well, that didn't work. Okay, we tried this, it didn't work. Okay. So what did I learn from this? What can I do differently the next time? And rather than beating myself up Now, what's more painful when it comes to living life is not doing things, not making mistakes because of fear or living in your comfort zone, and I can back this up with actual science here.
Speaker 3:There's a lot of research that's found that most people, when they're at the end of their life and this is going to get a little deep here for a second when, at the end of their life, the biggest is going to get a little deep here for a second. When, at the end of their life, the biggest source of anguish and regret is not the mistakes or not the failures that they've made. It's the opportunities that they didn't take. It's the things that were presented to them and they didn't act on it out of fear, out of the status quo, out of staying comfortable, and it's too late now. And that is the biggest source of anguish and despair, not the bonehead things you've done or the foolish things. Well, that was ridiculous. It was more of the. I didn't do this, I didn't write that book, I didn't take all these trips. I didn't pursue this dream because I was too comfortable. I was too concerned with what other people might think.
Speaker 2:That's really rough too. I think that there's a there's that's really hard, in fact, you have no idea even, but last week my father-in-law passed, and so we were literally at that precipice with him. You know, in that it's this is the, this is it, like we have to now kind of deal with our lives moving forward and and you know, take that, though I love that you said that right now, because that's something that maybe I need to take and resonate with and talk to my husband about, and make sure that we're not missing out on any opportunities or not feeling any of those regrets yeah, I mean, and that's why it's just, it's good to, you know, live our life on our own terms in a sense, rather than worrying about what other people think.
Speaker 3:Now, of course, is the easiest, you know, said than done. We can talk about this all day long. It's harder to actually do it, to actually okay, now let me implement it. Because the one thing and this is where I don't want to say it's controversial, but I get where it can get a little bit dicey, because a lot of times that might mean going against our family of origin.
Speaker 3:You know, our family of origin might and I still believe that they may have the best intentions for us, but that doesn't mean that they're best for us or the best actions for us, because they are a lot of times operating under their own, programming their own, and if they have their own trauma or abuse in life, it's going to get trans um set, you know, passed on um, and I'm a, you know, I I started studying this recently and it's kind of like a recent phenomenon, but there's something called generational trauma that I'm starting to really feel is important. So even the trauma that our grandparents and great-grandparents experience can come into us if we don't watch or don't take note of things. So this is why sometimes we just have to maybe not physically separate, but at least emotionally and mentally separate from our family origin sometimes, and do things our way you know, and do things that serve us, then you know, because we're not.
Speaker 3:A lot of people are living their life in the shadow of their parents or the shadow of their family. I need to make them happy. No, you need to make yourself happy yeah isn't that the truth? It's not your concern whether or not your parents are happy now, yes, of course, when you're under 18, you're living under the roof. You follow their, their rules and their guidelines, of course. But when you're an adult, that's not your problem.
Speaker 2:You know that's not your concern anymore yeah, absolutely tell us what you do to kind of help when you have a client or whatever. What does that look like to help them kind of gain maybe a new mindset for themselves rewire what they have.
Speaker 3:You know specifically that they have or what specific concern that they have, or what specific you know patterns that are running in their mind, and that's unique from client to client. So it's a little bit difficult to kind of like specifically say yeah, a framework, because, you're right, everybody's different.
Speaker 3:And which is great. Now, of course, I've studied psychology. I've studied different coaching methodologies and different intervention models, and there's a lot of great stuff in there and a lot of important stuff. But the important thing is that every person is unique in front of you, and I think if we're going to be coaching or guiding clients in any way, technique againique again is wonderful, but what's also more important is the person in front of you, because I could be working with someone and rattle them off techniques which may have been worked over the test of time, but if it doesn't connect with the person in front of me, I'm just running techniques and just being almost having serial stereo instructions. Like you know what are you?
Speaker 2:talking about.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying stuff now. I'm saying, you know, I'm coming across like you know, saying some really wonderful things, but it's not resonating with you, so it's not helpful. But the first thing we need to do, I feel, is to dismantle any limiting beliefs first, and then start to gently reframe, because usually when we're operating in a more deficient set, there's three issues that we're running into. We're either deleting important information you know a good thing and focusing on the negative, or we're running into where we're either we're deleting important information, you know like good thing, and focusing on the negative, or we're distorting the. Maybe we got some conservative criticism or some bad news, or someone yelled at us or something critical, but our minds kind of blow it out of proportion and then we generalize I can't do anything right. Oh, you mean anything. So we have to challenge those three things.
Speaker 3:And I'll give you case in point. Let's say you're at work and you get 20 compliments from customers and from other coworkers, but maybe that one coworker, that one supervisor, comes across and says something a little bit critical, a little bit biting, a little bit unpleasant. Now, what are most people going to focus on?
Speaker 3:Most people are going to be focusing on that one remark and they're going to dismiss all of the other good things that were said. And you're operating from a limiting belief pattern when you're doing that. You're not concerned about all the good things. Now, not to say that there may not be a little bit of wisdom in that that you may not have liked or wanted to hear. So let's look at that. Well, a lot of times when we get maybe insulted or hurt by something that's critical to us, a lot of times we might inadvertently blow that out of proportion. Well, that means they don't like us. They don't have to like us. No, they never said that. They said something about the action we've done. So let's take away our personal emotions out of that. Is there anything else for that? Okay, now, maybe their method of delivery may have been not so good or not so positive, but what was the message in that? So, and then let's you know that. Doesn't we blow that up. They don't like me. No, they never said that.
Speaker 2:I love that. I saw this post recently and the girl was saying it was Kaylin Partlow from the Netflix love on the spectrum. I just had her on the show too recently and she said something great. She said people need to start listening to the words that are said instead of hearing the words that weren't. And that's exactly what you're saying. Is that exactly thing? Don't hear the words that weren't said. Listen to the words that were said.
Speaker 3:Right, because our brains will start to generalize and distort and then delete all the good things that just happened to us, you know, all the important things. And so we just say, oh, that person doesn't like me or that person was so upset. No, oh, that person doesn't like me, or that person was so upset, they don't you know. No, they never said that. And then if we take that, so that's what we mean by kind of like reframing and kind of recalibrating and reprogramming. It's like okay, what went wrong here? And then kind of reframe that and get you, you know, get the person into thinking in a better frame of mind, because really that's the biggest thing we're coaching controlling our thoughts and controlling our and reframing our beliefs.
Speaker 2:That perception.
Speaker 3:It's a perception, and you know. The one thing that coaching will not do is change other people in our lives. That's not going to happen. You're not going to change the way your parents or your you know, your friends or your coworkers communicate Well, at certain levels, you can change how you respond to it and choose how you respond to it, but you're not going to change their behavior. That's not going to happen. So how can you control your state? So, and ultimately, I think the biggest source of empowerment is to know that you control over your feelings and you control how you react.
Speaker 3:And a lot of people working on safety of feelings oh, I was so late to work and this driver made me mad. Hold on, no, they didn't. You made yourself mad. Well, the driver cut you off. Okay, they cut you off. That we can agree on, but you chose to get angry over that. That was your choice, and I know some people when you first hear that they're like, they get annoyed. When they hear that it's so empowering, it's like well, look, I can choose how to react. Yeah, I don't have to be be insulted by something you say.
Speaker 2:And I think that it's a hard for people to take accountability for those for their actions and their thoughts, and it's really hard for them to recognize that they are the driving force, the purpose or the catalyst for all the actions that take place after they react in any way, good or bad.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. Accountability is really the key here, and that doesn't mean blame. So even in situations where you're betrayed or when you're wronged, it's not about blaming yourself, but you're still responsible for some derivative of that interaction. And even in the situation where I've been wronged or I've been betrayed by people close to me, I don't blame myself because that was again that was the action of somebody, but I contributed somehow to that situation and that is liberating. I'm not blaming myself, I'm not taking that situation or playing the victim here. I don't advocate that at all.
Speaker 3:What I'm advocating is taking responsibility, okay, so even if somebody wronged you've been in this relationship or in this work situation where you're being bullied where did you play a role into this? Did you you? And maybe just allowing that to happen and not setting boundaries? Yep, that's where the accountability comes in. Again, not blaming you, I'm talking about the accountability here. Where's that accountability? And so I think, as coaches, that could be the greatest gift we can help our clients is develop their self-accountability for the situations, the circumstances in their lives, to be accountable. Yeah, because once you're accountable, then you can change. Then you can change how you respond, how you think and how you, how you behave, and that is the most liberating thing I feel possible.
Speaker 2:I love that. I agree a hundred percent. What are you working on? Anything up and coming that you're going to be doing? Tell us about it, oh, great, Thank you.
Speaker 3:Well, I I'm currently, you know, developing my own podcast. You know, at the point I haven't I'm not ready to launch it yet or record episodes, but that should be like either late summer, early fall, but it's about kind of like overcoming a limitation, developing more accountability, like what we're talking about here, so authenticity, so that's something to definitely keep an eye out for. I'm also writing a second book, which is going to be on gaslighting and business and personal relationships.
Speaker 3:It's something that means a lot to me. I've been involved in situations where I've been gaslit. It's not fun, but I'm hoping to give a more empowering stance on how you can take control of your life. I'm also going to be developing a group and individual coaching program which is going to be again taking accountability in your life, taking bold action in your life.
Speaker 2:And you have a website people can go to now to check everything out.
Speaker 3:Sure, it's under construction, so there's going to be a lot added in the next couple months, but you can go to albertbermontecom. You can also follow me on social if I'm on LinkedIn, where I post a lot of content, instagram I post a lot of content there, and you can also check out my first book, which is called Rise Above the Script Confronting Self-Doubt, mastering Self-Sabotage for Performing Artists. Now, yes, the intended audience wrote the book in mind, but there's a lot of stuff in there that you can identify. But if you're dealing with self-doubt or imposter syndrome or self-impatience or self-sabotage, I would definitely check that out on Amazon and it's available as a paperback, a Kindle and an audio book.
Speaker 2:Rise Above the Script. Make sure you go and check that out Again. That is, uh, albert Bramante A-L-B-E-R-T-B-R-A-M-A-N-T-E For those of you listening. Uh, go to check out his website and definitely check out the new book that's coming out about gaslighting Super important topic to understand more about. Learn how to set correct boundaries, accountability, like you said, it's freedom. It's freedom, it's liberating, it's powerful to know you can set your own life up the way you want to. You just need to have the tools and use the tools that you have on a regular basis and a daily practice, if you will, to make sure that they're built up so that they work properly. Love that. Well, it's so nice to have you here today. I'm really glad we get to chat.
Speaker 3:I am too. I'm really glad that you invited me, and I really appreciate it. This was a wonderful opportunity.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. It's, it's really nice and I'm looking forward to looking into the books at the website and definitely into the new book when it comes out and you know you're welcome, let's have you back on to talk about it. When that does happen, I'd love to come back. Yay, invitation sent. Wonderful, great Well. Thank you so much for your time today. I look forward to staying in touch.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Thank you so much.
