Arsenio's ESL Podcast

Arsenio's ESL Podcast: Mini-Series - Self-Sabotage with Jonathan Darling

August 10, 2019 Season 4
Arsenio's ESL Podcast
Arsenio's ESL Podcast: Mini-Series - Self-Sabotage with Jonathan Darling
Chapters
Arsenio's ESL Podcast
Arsenio's ESL Podcast: Mini-Series - Self-Sabotage with Jonathan Darling
Aug 10, 2019 Season 4
Arsenio Buck
International Guest Speakers
Show Notes Transcript

Leadership and motivational speaker, Jonathan Darling, joined me on a synergistic podcast today to talk about self-sabotage, the first of a few videos with international speakers.  Jonathan, who is from Knoxville, Tennessee, has a southern accent that most people aren't used to hearing. So this will be very interesting.  In addition to that, academic self-sabotage, and self-sabotage, in general, is a growing problem that could be fixed -- but first needs to be addressed.  Here's a kick-off to a wonderful mini-series for you guys!

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Speaker 1:
0:01
Guys. Oh look it back to Arsenio's ESL podcasts by goodness me baby. This is going to first and foremost be on youtube. You guys will see the debut on Youtube. For those of you who are listening to the podcast, here's the debut on the podcasts and you know what? This oh my god, out there and good old American. You know when I brought this man by the name of Jonathan Darlan onto my podcast awhile back and this guy, it was just synergy. Synergy means the connection with squeezing us and the language that was born out of our letters, souls. I'm like, you know what? I've got to bring him back on here. And just because you guys not only have the ability to listen to my west coast accent, but my good man over here, Jonathan Charlotte, he's got that down south accent. You know what I mean? So, but today's topic, and as a matter of fact, this is a kickoff of a five person series on avoiding self-sabotage. Okay? Self-Sabotage in terms of academics or life or anything. And I had to bring on Jonathan because man to kick it off with this man. Oh, it can't be any good. It can't be any better God debit. So Jonathan, with that being said, man, thank you for coming onto my esa podcast brother.
Speaker 2:
1:18
Did I tell you what our city like I'm just bro, like I'm so pumped to be here and I don't know if you know this or not, but you, when I came on your podcast, I think it was last year, right? 2018 I think that was only the second podcast I had ever been interviewed on in my entire life. And I remember thinking like, oh my goodness, like I can't believe that this dude actually wants to talk to me and like learn about me and all these different things and I'm telling you man, like to be back on this platform with you and just I you have a way of just bringing out like the fire in me, my man. So I'm so like so pumped to be here. So pumped.
Speaker 1:
2:07
Absolutely man. You know what, for everyone and for the masses upon masses of countries out there that listen to me, which I'm so unbelievably and wholeheartedly grateful for. Tell the world who you are mad and tell the world about your story in general. I want them to know who the hey, Jonathan Darlin is. Yes.
Speaker 2:
2:27
So, um, I am a motivational and leadership speaker, teacher and coach. Um, I work with companies, groups, individuals on helping them learn and understand leadership better, help them learn and understand how to live a life without limiting self belief and how to live out the greatness that they were created for. Um, and I'm right here in east Tennessee, in Knoxville, Tennessee and you know, just, just working every single day, man, to try to, to try to bring value and to love on people and to lift them up. And uh, I wasn't always like that. I grew up pretty, uh, pretty rough [inaudible] really for a lot of years. You know, talking about self sabotage, like I, I, I performed that and did that. I sabotage myself a lot for numerous, numerous years. And it wasn't until probably the last four or five years that I really started, you know, working on, on making myself better, man. And, and, and, you know, getting out of my own way, if you will. So it's, um, it's been a journey man, but we're here and we're rocking and rolling.
Speaker 1:
3:42
Absolutely. Yeah, man. I mean just this, oh boy. I could go on and on and on about the self sabotage I've done. But before I even get into that sabotage for you, ESL learners out there, sabotage is basically you do something to prevent you from achieving success. So I'm going to give you a crazy example real quick, Jonathan. I was just watching something called lat. Goddamn. It's a, it's a football on Netflix. It's called last time you, um, you, so last chance you, of course you probably know is the, the potentiality of some of these, these, these, oh my God, these recruits that had the potential to get to the next level. They all went to d one powerful about talk, empower powerhouse d one colleges to play American football. And they sabotage themselves by doing something stupid. So when we talk about self sabotage,
Speaker 1:
4:42
what is it that the majority of people like? Like when it comes to sports, it always seems like there's violence still and it's instilled within some of these kids and they just can't get away from it. You know, I could look in their eyes, I could look at their background, their language and everything, and I could look at just by listening to them, I know what part of town they're from. So I believe that limited beliefs and a culture within the subconscious mind exists that that negates them from basically a sabotage isn't from doing anything great in life because they keep going back to that. Uh, Aaron Rod. Aaron Hernandez was one, right? He ended up unfortunately committed suicide in the cell after he won the super bowl. Apparently he had all the money, but he's crazy. University of Florida chick, I think it was a double national championship, if I'm not mistaken. It's empty though. And all of that gone. So Jonathan talked to us,
Speaker 2:
5:44
man. So yeah, I think you hit it on the head right? You were talking about like the subconscious and like it's, it's almost, it's almost like, you know, they have all these great things going for them and then all of a sudden they step in stupid right and there and they're right back. And I think a lot of it, Arsenio starts with the fact that that people, um, they don't have a set of core values or a code of conduct for themselves. And because here's the thing, if you don't set the standards for yourself and for your life, your environment and the people that you surround yourself with are going to set those standards for you and you end up, you end up living up to other people's expectations instead of living up to your own expectations. And our own expectations should always be higher and greater than what anybody else else sets for us. And I just don't think we take that time. And, and, and, you know, we don't have this, we don't have this belief in who we are and who we're created to be and what we're capable of. And so we allow other people to dictate that for us. And then, and then we just always fall back to that. That's like our, you know, that's like our fallback mode, right? And, and we just can't, we can't get past our old us to get to the new us.
Speaker 1:
7:07
Oh man, that's [inaudible] you know, you just saying that it just brought me back so many memories from like the two thousand two thousand and ones like some of the, some of the most raw potential like in basketball or in my neighborhood. He just gave it up for some of the dumbest things. So you hit the net again, you hit the nail on the head in regards to what is it, core values and code of conduct. Now let's explain some of those things and what people can do to develop a set of core values. Because again, me learning this, of course in a Stephen Covey's speed of trust and learned about this and so much, I still sat and to myself today, but they're like really, really small, like canceling appointments at the last minute. I'm terrible with that. But anyways, we'll get into that later. But yeah, I mean, um, what does that, um, like when it comes to trying to set up core values or just a code of conduct is something that, yeah, yeah, let's go, let's go from there.
Speaker 2:
8:05
So I think, I think you have to burst, you have to truly believe that you were created to do and achieve great things. I think you have to add, I think you have to learn how to love yourself despite of your environment, despite of your situation, right? When, and I think it comes down to how we think and how we view ourselves and whether we view ourselves with love or whether we view ourselves with negativity based on our situation. I talk a lot about, um, you know, in leadership when we look at other people, a lot of times we base our perception on someone else based on there, their attitude in a moment versus who they actually are and who they were created to be, right? We judge people based on them having a bad day versus on them being a person who was to be loved and, and to be lifted up.
Speaker 2:
8:59
And I think with ourselves, we, we allow ourselves to focus on so many negative things, so many negative. Uh, if you, um, if you looked at the world today and if you listened to all the media and all the different things going on in the world, you would think that the world is the worst that it's ever been in, in your entire life. That this is the worst, the worst things could ever get. But did you know, did you know statistics? Statistically speaking, we have less war that we've ever had in the history of mankind. We have less murder in, in crime than we ever had in the history. Man. It is now the safest time to ever live on the planet. But yet you wouldn't know that. And so, and so what happens is that trickles down. All that negativity trickles down and we, we focus on that and we, and we allow that, that too, in fact, us and, and we, Ben believed negativity about ourselves.
Speaker 2:
9:59
So I think it ultimately starts with love and changing the way you view yourself and changing the way you view your situations. And when you view that through a lens of love and positivity, then you can begin. You can start changing that subconscious that you reference and, and start and, and it really does start changing the way that you view yourself and what you're capable of. And then from there, I really believe you start building what I call your non negotiables for your wife. These are the standards at which you will operate on a day to day basis or that you will allow it to be the rules of engagement for your wife. That, that, that will, that will dictate your actions, your views, your interactions with people. And when you build those and you screw up, you know, you and I talked about like we, you know, you said like I still screw up.
Speaker 2:
10:53
I still do things that aren't in my, in my course, my code of conduct, but I always have it to fall back on to go, okay, this is, this is the actions I'm doing. But these don't wind up with who I say I am and what I say I believe. So I need to start checking my actions to make sure that I'm not contradicting myself or like being hypocritical to myself. So, but I think it ultimately, I think it ultimately starts with love and our, and our view of ourself and our love of ourself in the world. Hmm.
Speaker 1:
11:26
Oh my God. You know, looking back, of course on my life, boy, I should've been doing from the beginning. You know what I mean? I was seeing what I had to go through with my family, seeing what I had to go through, you know, with everything else leading up, you know, with my fitness sibling rivalry, going through the things here in the gunshots every night. It's like I should have been do from the very beginning. But somehow I had my values. You know what those were? It was basically my mom. She didn't teach us. She didn't say, don't be a part of those gangs. Don't be a part of this. Don't be a part of that. Thank you. I was always a good boy at heart and so I stay, I stay true to myself. I didn't want to conform to something that I knew I wasn't let alone guns, that I would just like freak out being around just because my father used to be a security guard in the mid nineties and I would see this big 45 caliber monster and I'm like, you keep that away from me.
Speaker 1:
12:22
You know what I mean? So, Yup. But a lot of people, they're not able to make that conscious decision or just have that conscious awareness to say, you know what? Okay, I'm not going to be a part of this. Some people like being from the Queens world projects out there in New York, they ended up doing those bad things. So what are some, what are some of the things that, this is a good one. What are some things that you were, let's say sabotage yourself? Like let's say, you know, working out, right, right. Like working out or just little things, you know, go ahead. Let's make a list.
Speaker 2:
12:57
Oh, okay. So there's so many. If I go back to like, it's funny, I was having a conversation last night with somebody and, and they said, man, you're so intelligent. Like you're so smart. And um, and you know, I don't do really well with taking compliments. And I was like, oh, thanks. And automatically in my mind, I went straight back to college when I was in college for almost seven years. Right? And I'm not a doctor, I don't even have a master's degree. I have a bachelor's in general studies. Right? Like I generally studied.
Speaker 1:
13:31
And the reason
Speaker 2:
13:32
like I just, you know, I've just generally studied a lot of things and you know, I could have had, I could have had a double major in exercise science and telecommunications with a minor in Spanish. And so I, I could have had all three of those things, but one, I didn't believe I was really smart enough and, and, and that's eliminating a limiting belief I bought about myself that I chose to believe. I chose to give, to give weight to that belief. Right? And so what it did was it like, I remember I had, I had a final coming up for t comms so, so I, I screwed up, I wasn't going to double major in t comp, but I still had an opportunity to get a minor in t comp. But instead of studying like I should have four, you know, for my final, I seriously would think to myself, man, you know, what's the point?
Speaker 2:
14:26
I'm not that smart. I'm not gonna make anything out of my life. Like, you know, I'm probably just going to work construction or do something like that. And so I didn't study. I went out and got extremely drunk the night before my final and I didn't even show up to my final right. And so, and so then and there, there were just things like that that I would make, right? Like I would have these opportunities and I would just automatically think, well, what is else going to think about me if I go after this? What happens if I fail? Right? I had this big fear of judgment from other people. And I didn't want to put myself out there because I didn't want to prove myself right. That I wasn't good enough. And so I would just, I would just quit. And you know, even today, I just made a Facebook post a few days ago.
Speaker 2:
15:16
I'm on a few different platforms in it. And I was talking about how, you know, I have been pushing myself to go out and, and speak and write and you know, been putting myself out there for the last four years to, to, to follow my dream, right? And what I believe my passion and my purpose is. And, but I've also notice that I've gained some weight and then I'm not as in shape as what I used to be and, and every single time that I started to be like, okay, bet I'm on it, I'm going to get in shape. I'm going to do this stuff, right. Like I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get back healthy and like really hit it. And then like I go on a work trip and it's like, oh man, yeah but dude, I'm out here dinners free.
Speaker 1:
16:01
Okay [inaudible]
Speaker 2:
16:04
let's buy, let's, let's buy this free meal and drink and beer and all this stuff. And the next thing you know, I'm making these compromises and I'm making these compromises saying, oh, it's okay. I mean, you know, today's not really gonna matter and not in shape and, or like, I'm like, man, well I'm tired. I don't want to work out. You know, I've got to go meet these guys for dinner and I just make all these excuses bro and I self sabotage my own hell. I'm making excuses that thinking one day it'll happen. But you know what, one day is never going to happen if I don't do it today. But I, I just make, I just make these choices not to do it. Theater, I make these choices that uh, it's okay, it's not that big of a deal. Blah, blah blah. And I, and I short change it. Yeah, sabotage it.
Speaker 1:
16:53
Wow. And so that, that right there, that, that talk right there, that's how you could recognize self sabotage. It's like, let's say, well last night wasn't one, but there are times where I say, Hey, you know what? I won't be able to do the car. I won't be it. You know what one thing that really hits me is keeping my agreements with people out here. And I always see that there's a time frame that it happens in where I don't keep my agreements, it's between six and 9:00 PM. So anytime I tell someone, hey, okay, let's meet up at eight, I already know deep down inside that I'm potentially going to cancel. Why? Because that's my time to basically calm down. You know, it go within myself, my one this a little meditation or do this or do that. But at the same time, I mean, it just, uh, I continue to keep making those things. So, or making those decisions that ultimately costs friendships, you know what I mean? So when it comes down to it, how can people begin to recognize self-sabotage? Obviously number one would be, um, uh, I just lost my thought. Yeah, we already got number one. That, so what are some other ways that people could start recognizing self sabotage?
Speaker 2:
18:10
So here's the thing. I think for me, here's, here's what, here's where it really hit me, man. And I looked at my wife and I looked at the, you know, I believe in cause and effect, right? You make a choice. You do something, you're gonna, something's going to happen because of that choice. And I was looking at my life and where it was my joy, the level of joy that I had in my life, the level of satisfaction I had in my life. And, and I looked at it and I said, I'm not happy. I don't feel a lot of joy. I don't feel a lot of passion. Um, and I, and I don't feel a lot of satisfaction. And, and why is that? And, and I trace it back to going, okay, if I'm not, who in my mind's eye, if I'm, you know, we all have that idea, image of ourself, right?
Speaker 2:
19:00
Of who, of who we are. Right? And that ideal image in my head was not who I was. And I said, well, why is that man, if I, if I see that person and I think that that person is really doing great things, why am I not there? And it made me take inventory and made me do a little self on it as to, okay, if I'm not where I believe in my head I was supposed to be, then, then what's going on? And it all trace back to, well, you're not doing this because you don't take the time to read those books to do that. You're not in this position because you haven't. And so it all goes back to looking at these little choices or little excuses that I've made or, or little, um, things that I'm let affect me and the choice to either do something or don't.
Speaker 2:
19:51
And I, and I think sometimes, you know, when I look back over the last five years, I was like, man, I really want to be this leader. I want to be the speaker. I want to do this stuff. And I'd be like, well, I'm not telling anybody. I want to do. I'm not writing, I'm not putting myself out there. I'm not doing these things. And why was I not? Because I was so afraid. People, people would make fun of me. I was afraid, you know, and I'm 36 years old, like I'm a grown ass man. Why am I scared of people making fun of me or judging me or fear of letting people down. But those, I allowed those thoughts and that fear and man, I was like, man, I gotta I gotta check that. Because all of those things, all of that sabotage that's going on is not letting me get to where I believe I'm supposed to be.
Speaker 2:
20:35
And so I, I started going back and take an inventory of those things, man. And then slowly working on gaining courage. Two as, as hard as they might be, as scary as they might be, just doing a mini way. It might not always be the fun choice. The fun choice was go out and get drunk in college. You know, the better choice would have been go home, study and get that and get that second degree right. Like it's the thing that always is the best for us, isn't always the funnest in the moment. You just got to learn. You just got to learn who you want to be and what you want most in this world and then, and then not sacrifice, not sacrifice to get there. It sounds like there are outer influences that of course make us sabotage ourselves too. So like the ability, there are people, you know what I made, so I was it you that told me a story about someone you know, that you wanted to do something and someone said what?
Speaker 2:
21:34
No, no, no, no. Let's see you. Oh yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah. So I've got a bunch of stories like that, man. I'm like, I've got, you know, when I started my leadership journey, I started writing articles and all these different things and I had the CEO and the CFO of a company that I, that I had, I had worked for that I looked at as mentors and people that, that I wanted to emulate and they were making a fake email addresses telling me that's who I think I am. What, what do I know about leadership? Shut your fat ass up and go back to work. All these different things and man, like, like people want to keep you where they're most comfortable with you. Right? And it happens in everything. It's like, like think about this Arsenio and I'll use it, you know, in this ESL world, you know, you've got people who are trying to learn the English language, right?
Speaker 2:
22:28
And I'm sure that they have friends that you know, and these and these friends and family are sitting there saying, well, why do you want to learn English? Why are you learning English? Why are you doing that? You should be doing something better with your time. Why don't you, why don't you come and hang out with us instead of studying your English? Why are you doing that? You know, friends and all these different things. Because the thing is they don't want you to grow. They want you to stay the you that you are right now. Yes. The you that you are right now is comfortable for them, but you're not supposed to live your life for comfort for other people. No Way. Right? And so and so I do believe that we have a lot of these outside influences. Our parents, our friends, our coworkers, all these different people that want to keep us right where we are.
Speaker 2:
23:13
Because here's the thing, and this is like th this is so key. This is something people have to remember. When you start growing and you start stepping out of your comfort zone, you put other people on blast, you put other people on blast because they started looking at their own life and they start going, well, what are all the things that I haven't done? What are all those goals and those dreams that I haven't gone out and chase and look at him. He's over there doing that and it makes them feel bad about themselves. Yes, and that's their issue, right? And in of them are going to see
Speaker 1:
23:46
you doing it and they're going to go, man, I want to do that too. That's inspiring. Right? Like look at him. He's chasing his dreams no matter what. I'm going to go do that too. But I'm telling you, people get uncomfortable when you want to make yourself better and you want to grow and they want to keep you right there and it, and it makes them feel bad, right? Because they're not doing it and you just, and you, you can't, you can't let that, you can't let that keep you down. And that's, that's that. That's the, you hit the, Oh my God, that was fine. Just because I have so many of those students and there are so many of those students around the world who have those instructors that say, you know what? You're never going to amount to anything. You're not good enough.
Speaker 1:
24:32
You're, your language sucks. I remember I had one girl from Morocco, she was like, yeah, I really want to learn English because my teacher said I suck at English. Her teacher said that. Guys, I'm going to say, can I tell you so ahead? Go ahead and tell you something. Oh my gosh. Why do we allow people to at all have an opinion in our wife when they don't deserve one? Right? Like I don't get it because here, here's the thing, man. I believe you and I've talked about this. I believe leadership is love. I believe leadership is our ability to love and care for others, to lift them up and be the catalyst for self belief in their life. That's what a teacher should be. A teacher should be a leader that that is the catalyst and instill self belief in people's life, but not because, let me tell you this, well does not point out people's inadequacies.
Speaker 1:
25:24
It calls out their unlimited potential and that teacher for that girl in Morocco needs to be calling out her unlimited potential, not being dick and, and pointing out and calling out her inadequacy. That's not what he's there for. And, and we got to stop. We, we, we really have to audit our circle and stop letting people have opinions, opinions in our life that don't deserve them. I love that guys. Seriously write that down. Just write that down. Say, don't let, listen. Some people don't deserve those opinions for your, like the opinions that they give you. It's undeserving of during tire's circle. It's undeserving of your entire household, your city, your country. Don't even pay any mind to that bullshit. I'm going to give you an example. This ESL podcast was never supposed to happen if it wasn't for the British teacher and 2017 on that Saturday afternoon in November who said our Cineo, I don't think you're this, this 765,000 year old man was sitting right before me with all with his Jakob as his morals and his values were sat right in front of me and said that I was at this based on his perception of me and you know what I thought?
Speaker 1:
26:53
I said, oh my God, he considers me a threat. He was pointing out the greatness in me and this is what's happening with that girl from Morocco. That teacher was scared of your true potential just as other people where my brother and my sisters, they didn't want me to travel. They wanted me to stay in that box because they knew what site traveled. I would go way beyond anything they could ever imagine and they would be way out of arm's reach away from me. And so that had to be probably the most powerful advice for any human being out there in regards to the English speaking room or anything in general. Like when it comes to work, Jonathan, we have a lot of people have those bosses. You know a lot of people have those bosses. I say, you suck, you're not going to do this.
Speaker 1:
27:41
You're not going to do that. God Debit Jonathan, you've got all those emails saying shut your fat ass like what people do to drop your self esteem because if they can't see it or yo, they sure as hell. I mean, I mean if they can't see it for themselves, they're not going to see it for you. And so when you started getting all this hate mail, Jonathan, what did you do? Because this is the next big step because a lot of people that get these opinions, so they're like, oh, but what if it's true? Don't got debit. It's not your voice in your head is someone's voice in your head that is not even paying rent. They're living in your mind for free and you're leaded them. So what did you do, Jonathan?
Speaker 2:
28:24
So, so this is, Oh man, this is such a great question. I was, I was talking to somebody yesterday and I was telling this exact same story and I've told him, I said, the reason I do what I do today is because of the people out there like that who told me who I wasn't, who told me what I wasn't capable of. He told me to shut my fat ass up and go back to work. That I wasn't a leader. That all those things, those are the people that we look at as the people that we want to be like. Those are the people that we, that we allow, you know, I want it to read all the books they were reading. I wanted to be in the roles that they were in. I wanted to be like them. Right? And those are the people that I looked up to that I thought, if I'm going to be a leader, these are the guys that have to be like, and, and when that happened, man, it's really easy. I could a Tuck tail and I could bring,
Speaker 1:
29:15
I said, Huh,
Speaker 2:
29:17
I want to be the one that stands up for the other guys out there like me
Speaker 1:
29:22
who have this, who have this, this fire and this passion inside of them. Oh yeah. That just, yeah, that Ma just that, that fight, right. That had that fight to not stay where they're at.
Speaker 2:
29:35
I want to be that guy that, that looks at him and says, Hey, I don't care what anybody else is saying. I don't care what anybody is telling you. I believe in you. I love you. And if you want it, work your face off to go get it. And so that's dude. So that was my decision that I just made that decision that I wasn't, I wasn't going to let them be the mentor for the next generation anymore. That I wasn't going to let them, the, the, the, the, the, the people that were allowed to crush the dreams of, of, of other men and women and kids and teenagers and all these who are trying their best to become who, who they believe they were created to be. And so, dude, I just, I just doubled down. I doubled down and I said, I said, that's it. I'm going to make my life. I'm gonna make my boys loud. I'm going to make it heard and I'm going to make it in your face. And I'm a, and I'm going to do it every day to bring it. And, and you know what's crazy about it, man, is, is, is one of those people, one of those people have, have since apologized to me and it's coming to the leadership conference.
Speaker 3:
30:47
Oh, whoa.
Speaker 2:
30:49
So, you know, and you know, hey look, they're gonna, they're gonna people are going to do everything that they can to put you down, man. And I just decided that I was going to be the one out there to lift people up. Man. I had to, somebody's got to do it. Yeah, somebody's got to do it. Why not me? And I think it's beautiful because you know what? You took that you took everything bad that that individual said. And maybe at some point, I don't know if that individual came to you or you came to him saying, Hey, you know what? I'm going to revoke my apology. I would love to Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah, Dah. You let him. I think that is one of the greatest leadership qualities of, of anything I've ever heard before in my life. Because you know what, it's something that I'm trying to overcome.
Speaker 2:
31:36
And it's kind of like this, me living out a in Thailand and Thailand been saying that I'm not good enough for, of course, you know what? My sexy, beautiful skin tone. And you know what? When they, when they were saying this, I still kind of hold it against him to this day, not the men. The men are cool talking about the women because I don't want those women to come to me and say, Oh my God, are you that speaker? Nope, I'm not that speaker. Let's see. I need to stop that. Don't I, I need to become a leader and I need to say, you know what? Yes, I am that speaker. I need to just let everything in that path. Remember this man forgiveness. Is it for the other person? This for you? Because if like, look, the more you hold onto that stuff, the more that negativity.
Speaker 2:
32:23
It's just cause that's what it is. That all that is. It's just, it just deteriorates your soul brother, and you can't, you can't love and lead the way that you need to love and lead when you're holding on to animosity and you're holding onto that negativity because the man, that person who, those people who have thought that there's people who have said those things, they ain't thinking of you. Hmm. They're not thinking of you at all. They don't right now in this moment when we're talking about them, they talking about you. They're not talking about me. They don't care. They said it. They're on with their life there. You said they're taking up rent and they're taking up space in our soul, in our heart and in our mind, and they don't deserve to be there.
Speaker 4:
33:07
Okay.
Speaker 1:
33:08
I mean, that's too perfectly said. They don't deserve to be there. I love that. It's just like what champion said to me the other day about me always thinking about, you know, champion being another coach out there and Switzerland. She's like, you know what? Too many people are just so worried about but not worry. But they're thinking about what other people may be thinking about BIM. And again, I believe that I've been harvested and people have had real estate in my mind and people should no longer have that real estate in my mind. Now if I'm going to tell the story, I'm going to tell it without all the emotions I put behind it. But I'm going to tell it with a big smile on my face and tell everybody, hey, you know what? This is how I've overcome it. So in this last bit, Jonathan, tell everyone some ways that they can start overcoming self sabotage.
Speaker 2:
34:01
So one, I think, I think you have to choose love. You have to choose positivity. What if you're not looking at the world and focusing on positivity, you're never going to create the actions. And the emotions and, and the attributes that you need to over offset.
Speaker 4:
34:20
Hmm.
Speaker 2:
34:22
Right. Uh, you also, sorry, did I went up there? Uh, yeah. Um, what you also have to do is you have to set the standard for your life. You have to set the standard for who you are and what you want to accomplish in your life. Because if you don't, if you don't set that standard, someone else is going to set it for you. Okay. And so, so you need, so you need to set that standard and you need to, you need to audit your circle. You need to audit the people that you allow to speak into your life. And, and you need to, um, you need to only surround yourself with people who are going to lift you up, who are going to challenge you in a good way to continue to stretch and to grow. And, and you need to get rid of anybody who's going to try to hold onto you and hold you down.
Speaker 1:
35:13
Wow, man. Oh Man. You know what? This is why I'm making it like a four to five, a, what is it, five episode series, because there's still so many other things to cover, but bad. Jada did some of those things that you said it hit home with me and I honestly and truly believe that it will or hopefully it did hit home with a lot of people who are listening to this right now. Matt, Jonathan, for the people who love that, not smell accent. No, I'm kidding. For the people that love your energy of what you bring, man, how can people get in touch with you? And of course he'll send me all the links guys and the links will be in every description.
Speaker 2:
35:52
Yeah. So you can follow me. Um, uh, on Instagram at the Jonathan Darwin and uh, I do a lot of my stuff there. You can find me, um, on Facebook, uh, by engage the heart. Um, so look that up. That's my, that's my business profile page. And uh, yeah, man, I'm on Twitter, the Johnathan d a r one. And uh, and then you can always email me@jonathanatjonathandarwin.net. You know, anything that I can do to love and lift you up and support you and encourage you, um, let me know. We've got some big stuff coming up in the near future for engage the heart and some more different speaking things. And so, uh, I'm working on my book right now, so that's going to be, um, that's going to be awesome coming out eventually in the next probably six to six to 12 months. So yeah, just hook up with me and, and let's connect and let's change the world for the better.
Speaker 1:
36:51
Absolutely. You know, right before this podcast, everyone, Jonathan and I, I told myself that last year and of course Jonathan was the second, I think the second podcast he has yet ever done with me is when I brought him on my podcast. Was it really? Last year?
Speaker 2:
37:08
Yeah, 2018, early 2018
Speaker 1:
37:14
really? Oh my God. Bad. And you know, time just flies by. Of course, Jonathan Dolly's been on motivational mentors also. We're going to be bringing him back back on and I'm absolutely bring him back on, uh, this year. Absolutely. Because there's just still so much to cover between you and I, but 2018 seeing how much of his success it was and you both, you know, I've told myself that 2018 was the core year, basically the building of everything, the laying of the foundation, a lot of people would say the metaphor, hey, you know what? Built the bricks, Rome, whatever you call that thing. And then this year, now it's the coming out party. And you know what, Jonathan, before we go, I want you to tell them about the denial of Tedx and how that could have been a self sabotage, but you turned it into something that's just truly remarkable. I think everyone deserves to hear this.
Speaker 2:
38:12
Yeah. So, um, so I'm a, you know, like I said at the beginning, I'm a speaker. Um, I used to say I'm an aspiring speaker. I'm not, I'm a speaker. I'm a, I'm a motivator. I'm a leadership coach and, um, I've desperately been wanting to share my message of love and leadership with Tedx. And, uh, so I've applied 14 different times, two 14 different tedx all across the country, all across the world. And I've been turned down for every single Warren. I've gotten the email 14 times. Thank you for your application. But unfortunately this time we are not, uh, choosing you. There are so many great applicants out there with so many great stories to tell. And, uh, we look forward to you maybe joining our event. Like I could almost tell it verbatim with how many times I've gotten it now. And you know, for a lot of people, um, that would be crushing, right?
Speaker 2:
39:07
And it would be hard and it would be difficult and they'd be like, man, I'm, I'm a failure. I can't do this. But now, man, I just keep looking at it as, um, this isn't going to get me down. So in, instead of waiting, I think, uh, I think oftentimes we, we wait for our dreams to come. Uh, I don't wait. I create. And so I, uh, so I created my own leadership conference, uh, very tedx style called impact Knoxville that's coming up in October. And, uh, got two more speakers. So there's going to be a total of five speakers and open panel Q and a at the end. And um, yeah, man, I'm, I'm bringing, uh, I'm bringing leadership to Knoxville, Tennessee by Knoxville people for Knoxville. And uh, I just decided if Tedx doesn't want me, that's fine. I'll just start my own thing.
Speaker 1:
40:01
And that's it right there. People like within all of that negativity and people say, you know what, thanks to you, there are a lot of great applicants stories, this and that. It's not necessarily what it has nothing to do with you personally. It has everything to do with what they're looking for. But instead Jonathan said, you know what I mean, Ted x, I'm, you know, yeah, I might get a couple hundred, maybe a couple thousand people to follow me after, you know, using their platform to share just such an unbelievable story. But how about I just create an awareness now and so just, I mean, just recently, Jonathan, you just did your first paid speaking gig. And it's funny because in two weeks I'm going to be doing my first paid speaking gig. Did I ever think this was going to happen? Not really. But again, you just got your first paid speaking game. Tedx. Yes. They're going to pay,
Speaker 2:
40:59
right?
Speaker 1:
41:00
Yeah. I mean, so again, platforms, what not your voice will be heard. And the thing is, I know a lot of students, a lot of people out there who are learning English with whatever age you are, you let one person tell you something and then you quit one failure, then you stop going after what you're hungry for in life. Jonathan, I, Jonathan and I are here to tell you, please don't stop that dog within you, that dog to continue fighting. Just imagine a rottweiler who wants to tear through the friends and come after you. If he does, you're going to take off, right? You're going to take off with all your bike to get away from that monster. And so that's what you need to do when you're going after your dreams. Go on. Ooh, I'm talking just lower your head and just run after it.
Speaker 1:
41:47
So Jonathan, man, thank you so much for sharing this story. Thank you so much for coming on here. And boy, I'm telling you, I'm going to be bringing you on for a good old special coming up as shortly because hell, it's August like in two days. So, uh, yeah, it's going to be coming up real soon, so yeah. Bet. Thank you so much again man. Thanks for, thanks for having me on, man. It's always a pleasure. I always love your energy and uh, uh, dude, I'm so, I'm so pumped up right now. Like I'm, um, I'm stoked. Like I'm, I'm really, I'm really on it right now. I love it. That and guys, would that be said, please go over there and go share John, uh, go over there and just follow Jonathan. Betty's got so many of these, if things happen, if for anyone out there in Tennessee who's listening to me or anyone down south, hey, know that the opportunity is there to go join. Of course, Jonathan, uh, with this amazing talk that he's doing, you can go follow him, email him asking questions, man, it's just all love out there. So guys, would that be and said, thank you for tuning in to the first of the series of a self sabotage, and Jonathan was the first one to kick it off and we kicked it off with a big bay, I'd say. So stay too far. I'm your host as always over now.
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