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REASONS! ON FIREDUPTHURSDAYS
The Ick
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We break down what “the ick” really is, why it hits so fast, and how it differs from a red flag that you can think through. We share real examples and a simple “ick audit” so you can decide whether to trust your gut or question your pattern.
• defining the ick as instant repulsion after genuine interest
• separating values incompatibility from surface-level turnoffs
• sharing real-life icks like witchcraft, a trash-filled car, and bad hygiene
• explaining three mechanisms: disgust response, pedestal collapse, attachment-style triggers
• exploring how emotional availability can feel like “too much” depending on your attachment style
• looking at how TikTok, dating apps, and outside opinions can create or amplify an ick
• using four audit questions to pinpoint the trigger and spot repeating patterns
• deciding when to trust the ick and when to question it, especially as relationships get real
• comparing what you tolerate in friends versus what you need in a partner
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Audio Trouble And A Reset
SPEAKER_02That we didn't have any audio.
SPEAKER_03I hooked as check, check one, two. There we go. All right. Let me know if we if we got it. Let me know if we got it. Uh hit me back. Let me know we got the audio. So for some reason, I guess I missed something. Give me a thumbs up, you guys, if y'all hear me. Give me a thumbs up in the uh in the chat. It's the lit reading stream. There is no audio stream. I'm glad y'all said it and I just paid attention to it, but I don't know why. Testing one, two, testing one, two.
SPEAKER_00Uh are we out there? Are we out there?
SPEAKER_03And it's funny. Got it. Okay. We good? Cool, cool, cool, cool. All right. Thanks. Thanks. I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Well, uh, rewind tape.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're gonna rewind then because uh yeah, yeah. Because you didn't hear all the other stuff.
SPEAKER_00Right, and it was brilliant. It was uh good on me to like you know, right, right, right, right.
SPEAKER_01And we've given fuel more time to think about his answer to the question for himself. But
Defining The Ick In Real Life
SPEAKER_01here we go.
SPEAKER_03Okay, so what is the it?
SPEAKER_01We're talking about the ick. Okay, so the ick is you are um getting along great with somebody, and you know, it could be your um I in my mind I'm thinking a romantic partner, but it doesn't have to be a romantic partner. You're like you like them, you're hanging out, you're like you're really um you know, enjoying time, spending time with this person, they text, you text back right away because you're anxious to see them, and then something happens, and it could the something is you know filled in the blank. So it could be you're out at a restaurant and they say to the waiter, hey boss, or they're you know, um skipping on the sidewalk, or they're wearing something that's just whatever, and you instantly like you're not thinking about your body just goes, yeah, ick. I cannot anymore with this person.
SPEAKER_03Is that a new thing? Uh what's up, baby pray? Appreciate you, uh it's my baby. Oh, it's my birthday break. Oh, what's happening with happy birthday? Oh sorry, I'm getting distracted here. Okay.
SPEAKER_01It is a horrible word.
SPEAKER_03Okay.
SPEAKER_01But it's really when you are like instantly repulsed by that person, okay. Right?
SPEAKER_03All right, so you want to know what my ick was.
SPEAKER_01So I my question for you, yes, when we were all playing the Liberty game, was have you ever experienced the ick? And and to kind of share with us what that was for you.
SPEAKER_03All righty, all right. Sit back and relax, listen to this.
Witchcraft And The First Hard No
SPEAKER_03No, so um, so yes, there was a young lady I was really, really attracted to. Yeah, we were cool. Um we didn't we didn't stick with each other, you know. It wasn't, you know, anything. I mean, we we had attraction, everything was good, right? Um, I thought it was kind of like, you know, you know, you know how you first meet somebody and you think, oh, okay, this this could be the one. This might be it, you know what I mean? And uh we did little stuff like, you know, play Frisbee and you know, just little corny little things or whatever, and we're just cool and always joke and laugh and stuff like that, right? And um then once I quit, I I think we kind of faded, right? And then I'll be too it kind of faded, and then once once you know we actually kind of start talking again, I think I had that ick. Okay, because I realize I I I learned that she kind of practiced witchcraft.
SPEAKER_00I thought I knew you were gonna say something like voodoo.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. You know, and it was this it was this type of you know, thing or whatever that um yeah, it just turned me off. You know what I mean? It wasn't it wasn't like her personality was good and everything. She was you know a nice young lady or whatever, but just the whole when they have that separate thing that they do, you know what I mean, and it's their hobby or their thing or their religion. I mean, it could be that or whatever, or what their belief is or whatever, it gave me that ick because I didn't, you know, for one, I don't I don't believe in it, and then my good, I didn't trust it, you know what I mean, but then I didn't want a bad, you know, uh uh uh what you call it, voodoo or voodoo or whatever on me, you know what I'm saying? So I was kind of like, oh yeah, I'm good, I gotta get away from this, you know what I mean? So I couldn't, so yeah, so that wouldn't be a ick. And that's probably the only person since I lived here in LA that I had that experience with, you know, and not to say I had it, you know, back home or whatever. I was in longer relationships when I was back home. So since I came here and you know and was dating and stuff like that, or whatever, that was probably the it factor for me.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so now I'm gonna tell you that wasn't the it.
SPEAKER_03Oh no.
SPEAKER_01What was you you've said two things to me, and hopefully the the listeners will get this. One is you said we kind of faded. Okay, so there was that.
SPEAKER_03Uh so what you just described to me was when we faded, it wasn't it wasn't uh uh a bad thing of when we you know, it just kind of natural, you know, timing-wise, whatever, you know. So it wasn't like I didn't like her at all at the time because when it came back, whatever it's a bit um so what you're actually describing to me is a red flag, okay, and red flags are useful, like they are useful.
SPEAKER_01So so that could be something that you have now information about this young lady. I call her young, I don't know, she could be old. Um, okay. Um, that her values or some her behavior or something about her characteristics are not in alignment with your values. Okay, you are not gonna be hanging out with witchcraft lady. Okay, that's a good thing. The ick is more um, you know, because that sounds like a you thought through it and you're like, yeah, no, I can't, I can't really be involved. But it was instant when you found out it was instant. So what happened? Tell me what happened in your body.
SPEAKER_03What was happening in your body when you I I guess because of the fact that I'm you know, uh I was raised, you know, in a religious household, you know, it was just an instant, like, ugh, no, you know, even though you know yeah, it could be ickish.
SPEAKER_00I thought it was borderline.
SPEAKER_03What do y'all think? It was not ickish to me, it's not ickish to me.
SPEAKER_01All right, um, okay, could be ickish, but uh it sounds more like oh, this is not an alignment with my morals, right? Or what I believe as opposed to um, you know, your body reacting in a way that's like, oh, but right, right? Oh no, that's not not for me.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Nuances, but right, one is we're just like, oh no, this is not an alignment for me, which it still sounds the same to me. Well, but if you have the ick, if you're if there's people out there that have the ick, you know, so let's so one that doesn't fit with your so this young lady's um hobby, if you will, if you're probably a hobby, did not really fit with your values or your morals, right?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01So the ick is more like we're having dinner, everything's fine, and they order a drink with an umbrella and you're like ick. It's not about your morals then, it's like something just turns you off. Like, does it does it kind of help?
SPEAKER_03Uh you're not gonna be able to do it. It helps give more perspective.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I never date people with umbrella drinks, like that's not part of your morals, right?
SPEAKER_03Or your values, where the witchcrafty thing, I think well, it's definitely but does someone talking to you like too much?
SPEAKER_00Is that like me?
SPEAKER_03I mean, I'm talking about like when you at you at dinner and you know you're you know, y'all, you know, y'all got alone and stuff like that, but then they just don't shut up at all. Like like you you know you do, you gotta you know you gotta chew your food and swallow it. You don't have to keep talking while you eat and chewing.
SPEAKER_00So the chewing one is interesting because that could be right.
SPEAKER_03Um I'll give us a give us give us some icks, give us some icks cousin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this is funny thing for some reason. Okay, so we're gonna we're gonna dig a little deeper because um some icks are again, some some that we may be responding that we think is an ick might be against our walls, right? Or our values, which is really I mean, we can call it an ick if you want, but it's really more um a legitimate reason why this is not working versus somebody chews too loud. Right. So what then we have to think about like what's happening there. If you're just like ick, they're chewing too loud. I can't, I can't.
SPEAKER_03No, they don't chew. The more you say, but the more you say the more I think about the You got you got another one? I got another one.
SPEAKER_00Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
SPEAKER_03I I remember I remember uh uh dating young lady that we were really uh cool and and you know, like it's I'm always cool with everybody.
SPEAKER_02I gotta get off the camera.
unknownGreat.
SPEAKER_00So put it on me while I'm Lord.
SPEAKER_03I'm cool. I think I'm cool with everybody, but the more you think out, I'm trying to think of like what caused me to give the uh, you know, what's the ick?
SPEAKER_00I don't know, what caused you to think?
SPEAKER_03Okay, so we were out, we're you know, talking, getting along, and everything, and I walked into her car, and it was trash. So trash. I mean, I the car itself or what the contents on the inside on the inside, and it was so nasty to the point where I was kind of like, oh no, you know, no matter how good we were school and got alone or whatever, that was an ick factor for me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was an instant ick, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that was an instant ick, and I never talked to that person again.
SPEAKER_01So tell me how that feels different than the the the witchcraft lady.
SPEAKER_03It doesn't feel different, it didn't feel different because it was it was it was like an instant note, you know what I mean? Even though, like I said, however long that it rather like with the witchcraft lady or whatever, that was a little bit longer extent uh of uh witchcraft lady. And then uh uh the trash lady and the trash lady was quick. It was it was like maybe the second date or something like that, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, and I thought maybe maybe she was living in the car or something or whatever, but even that, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01It was it's just it was she could have kept it neat more tidy about her yeah, house on wheels.
SPEAKER_03That part, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm sure okay.
Three Ick Mechanisms That Show Up
SPEAKER_01So there's some mechanisms, if you will, that the categorized kind of the ick. So there's like three, there's three, yes, three different um ick mechanisms. One of them is what we've kind of been talking about, like the the chewing loudly, the talking too much, certain behaviors, um, you know, so our our body kind of um responds in like a oh like the disgust of the car. Right. Like it's like, oh no, right. So that's one kind of ick. There's another kind of an ick where when we start dating somebody, we kind of don't see their flaws necessarily. Like it's you know, it's kind of like rose glass, rose-colored glasses, and everything's lovely, and we kind of put them on a pedestal, and then as things start normalizing, we start noticing those things. Like, why is their toothpaste all over the counter all the time? Or you know, things like that that become they become more real and less pedestal-like. And so we we take them off that pedestal and that can ick us out, right? So that's a different kind of ick.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01And then the third kind of it, ick, and this might be in the talking too much category for you, for that one person, um, is is in alignment with our attachment styles. So is it activating something in our attachment style that that we don't we're not comfortable with, right? So um, so it might be, you know, you're dating for a little bit, and then somebody texts you and says, Oh, you know, I I've really been thinking about you a lot, and you're like, ew, that's too, that's too much, right? Or um, you know, they become a little bit more vulnerable than you're ready for in a certain period of time. They're telling you things that you're just like too much, too soon, too much, too soon, right?
SPEAKER_03Sharing too much early.
SPEAKER_01It could be an attachment because if you're not comfortable with vulnerability and emotions and that sort of thing, that can give you the ick, right? That can give you a different kind of ick. So three counts of ick. All right, okay. So um when we get the ick, we we kind of we're kind of like like you had said, oh, this is a hard note. Right. Like I'm not being a witchcraft lady and I'm not being a jaft car lady.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, whatever.
SPEAKER_01Um and we kind of have this thought in our mind that there's no there's no reversing this. Like this is it, right? It is a decision in my mind, it's solid, and we're not going backwards. But there's certain kinds of ick, like if they're attached if they're an attachment style ick, that might not be a real ick. They might be an uncomfortableness that we are putting in the ick category, like, oh, I can't do this, right? Okay, with me so far?
SPEAKER_03So serious.
SPEAKER_00Like hysterical. And then serious.
SPEAKER_03Well, the reason that I'm been I'm looking, I'm concentrating because I'm trying to see the situation so I can share, you know, what I might have been through to, you know, make a change to my life and maybe to the audience itself. You know, they might chime in on this.
SPEAKER_01They might chime in on this because uh, you know, I like to talk to other people other than just fuel.
SPEAKER_03That's messed up.
SPEAKER_00I didn't exclude you. What the heck? You were included.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, okay.
SPEAKER_01Also, I'd like to talk to other people. How about that?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So, type one, genuine incompatibility. I would say that witchcraft lady, genuinely incompatible with you, right? Because you're not going to all of a sudden decide that it's okay to do witchcraft in you know the back room and we're gonna have you know chicken legs and whatever. I don't even know.
SPEAKER_03I mean, even if they didn't practice it with me, just the fact of me doing it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's not okay with you, right? So, so that would be a genuine incompatibility issue, right? The next one, the pedestal collapse, right? So when we put them on a pedestal and then they say something and our nervous system starts regulating or they start doing things and we're like, ooh, I don't I don't know. Um that is one that we need to really ask ourselves, has the person changed, right? Or is it the idea of them? Right, the idea that we had of this relationship changed. Right. And if it's our idea that's changed and they're they're the same, then that's that's one that maybe could could be salvaged, right? Might be able to work with that one. Okay, okay. The avoidance sabotage one that we talked about a minute ago, where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I've been thinking about you all day, and you're like too close, too fast.
SPEAKER_03That's the it's too much.
SPEAKER_01It could be an ick, it could be an if you could feel like it's an ick, right? But that but that's also an ick that tells you I might have to do some work in being more comfortable with people expressing their emotions, just because I'm not super comfortable, I'm not saying, but I'm just saying the the avoidant person is not super comfortable in expressing their emotions, they might be turned off, icked, ickish, right, right, ick a ick a rama, I don't know by this person, right? And so that is not that is not um necessarily a genuine ick.
SPEAKER_03Right, because I mean that could be something that that you can you know get used to, or just understanding that that's that person that's that person's personality, you know. And so is you know, you're gonna ask your question, is that tolerable enough for you to see and or hear every day, or is it like you said, a ick where you kind of like, okay, nah, it's just too much. You know, that's like you say, if somebody's really, you know, clingy or whatever, you know what I'm saying? That could be an ick, right?
SPEAKER_01It it could be an ick, but the question would be is it I'm uncomfortable with the clinginess, and is that something I can work on? Got it, versus there's a problem with them. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Right. So, what do you think about that one?
SPEAKER_03Oh, that one too okay everyone. I'm watching, so you uh they got that one anyway.
unknownI was multiple.
SPEAKER_03I forgot to gather everything behind me. Oh, anywho, uh, but no, I get it. I get it right.
SPEAKER_01Does that make that kind of make sense? So there's different kinds of ick, right? So we could be icked out by somebody reaching out too much or texting too much or whatever. And it in our you know, in our mind and our body, or whatever, we're like, that's too much. But it could indicate that we have some work to do in being comfortable with people expressing their emotions and their feelings or acceptance, or yeah, we might have work to do, and it's not actually them that's got the problem, it's us that's got the problem. Right? They're not creating the ick, we're creating our own ick, if that makes sense, right? By not being able to tolerate that much expression or that much. Hello? Oh, you get it, yeah. Um I don't know if you guys have made it up, but whenever we venture into this whole like emotions too much, whatever. No, because I I I get the really gets him thinking.
SPEAKER_03I love it. I love it.
SPEAKER_01I love it.
SPEAKER_03Um I mean, positive because I've been thinking that I'm gonna try to say that. I'm gonna say the right thing here. I don't want to bet say the you know, I mean, anything I say is gonna be right anyway. But uh yeah, yeah. But yeah, yeah, for me. Um, but I I guess like you said, I mean, that that just really falls in the line of red flags, really. Uh what or would it? Just fall in the line of red flags, just uh something that you learned about per a person and then you see that you don't like it or whatever, or and I and I get the fact that you know if it's something that you're not used to and it icks you, so to speak.
SPEAKER_01I know, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I think it was another word for it, like you said back in our day, but you know, but it ickes you, so to so to speak. Um you would have to want, like you said, be with that person enough to uh learn them, to understand them. That's just their personality, as opposed to, you know, uh, it's just something horrible you don't like.
unknownCorrect.
SPEAKER_03That makes sense?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So so what you're telling me, doc. Yeah, well, coach.
SPEAKER_01Yes, patient, oh my god.
SPEAKER_03Is that sometimes you may you might have in a comfortable situation with someone that you like, but you have to think about uh them as who they are, their personality, to able to accept it and learn this is just them.
SPEAKER_01Am I yes, yep, you're you're right, and you know, we don't have to accept all the things about all the people, you know, all the people.
SPEAKER_03Well, not everything, but that that ick thing that you that you may have.
SPEAKER_01Right. Is it is it um so going back to am I getting icked out because they have changed? Because usually it's not they have changed, right? They're acting the same. They might be a little bit more vulnerable, but they're still who they are, but all of a sudden I'm icked.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01So that's a flag for you to kind of say your own personal flag to say, why does this make me uncomfortable and why am I icked out about it? Right? Versus, oh, I can't deal because they're just too clingy or whatever. Right. Well, what about that makes you uncomfortable? And is it something that you need to work on? Oh, if you want to, right?
SPEAKER_03Right, right, right, right, right. Um that's always thinking. No, no, because he's thinking. I no, I I don't yeah, hey, I had you yet you guys heard it from the male perspective. I want to hear from a woman's perspective. So, you know, have you ever been icked? How what icked you?
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um I mean, because yeah, yeah.
The Hygiene Ick And Second Chances
SPEAKER_01So the only time I can really think about being icked, it's funny because it's kind of similar to your ick, but um so I was chatting with somebody for a long time. This was before dating online apps, right? Like when you just would chat with them, you know. I don't even remember what platforms it was.
SPEAKER_03Email.
SPEAKER_01Well, what's email?
SPEAKER_03You said way before that way, uh uh help me out, people.
SPEAKER_01What is it?
SPEAKER_03Like, you know, it was like it was uh MySpace. Maybe it was like MySpace where you could chat with them, right? Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01Um and you know conversation was great and whatever, and then you know, this went on for a bit, and then I finally met them in person and their hygiene was not acceptable to me. It's like, oh no, that's not true. That's that's it, that's an ick, right? Yeah, now if I was braver at the moment, could I, you know, at that time in my life, could I have maybe said something? Maybe, right? Right? Maybe. Um, but that was a hard note for me. Okay, well let's let's let's just say now I could. Now I could.
SPEAKER_03Let's just say though, let's just say that that that that person was so fresh and so clean, clean, you know what I mean, when y'all met, right? And say a week later, you know, you know, he was kind of funky, you know, and although he and and the fact that you you never noticed him being funky before, but you hear, you know, is it the smell, certain smell that made you make will make you ick, or is it just like one of those things that you can accept, be like, oh okay, he's funky. Maybe I just need to find out what is it he he did to get so funky, and maybe it won't be like that all the time.
SPEAKER_02What? Right?
SPEAKER_00I mean I'm gonna cry.
SPEAKER_01Oh god, what it's just so funny. Um well, it's hard to put yourself back into that moment in time. This was 155 years ago. So um, what did you say? 175 years ago. Yeah, like this is a story from a long.
SPEAKER_03I mean, I was very I understand it's long, but I would get 170 long.
SPEAKER_01Oh, he's paying attention, that's good. Right. Um, many, many, many, many years ago. Okay, okay, and so I I don't know in that moment, even if it had been a week, like I I don't think I could have gotten what was it's hard to say because I only like I only met him one time. Right. And it was a hard no for the beginning. Oh so it's hard to imagine if he changes up. Like this is the first time I'm meeting you are you are fresh.
SPEAKER_03So was it the clothes or was it the body?
SPEAKER_01Um it was the body, it was the just all over the whole aura of his the yeah, the scent was just oh the smell out the mouth, the whole like just too ick. Yeah, too. Dirty and didn't versus tea neither. Damn. See, I can't do that. I just can't do it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's just bad hygiene.
SPEAKER_01Right. So I think at that point my mind was like, well, this is the first, this is your you're you're showing up the best you got, right? Because this is the first time we're eating, it's a hard help.
SPEAKER_03Right. So I don't know that we if they ever went, but uh but my my but you missed my my question.
SPEAKER_01Your question was if he if he was fresh and tidy the first time. First time and then yeah, well, then I know there's capability to be fresh and tidy, right? Right. So then I would probably have to figure out like how am I gonna bring this up and say, Yeah, you know, uh, but out the gate.
SPEAKER_03No, but I mean I'm I'm saying, okay, so so somebody can be fresh and tidy or whatever the first the first time that you met, right? And then maybe the third or fourth time y'all met, you you know, you might have had this smell to the point where was it just the smell, or did you feel like that person can out actually really that's just him, you know what I mean? Because you there can be a a a funky smell, you know what I'm saying, whereas it's just underarm or something like that or whatever, and you just kind of like okay, I can see that, you know what I mean? Or was it just like oh this is just a whole body thing?
SPEAKER_00Well, it was more the whole body.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean no, I'm saying, but if I if you if you could tell the difference, could you what you had kind of maybe if I thought it was just a funky moment, right?
SPEAKER_01Totally different.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right, totally different. Because, you know, we all have off days. Um well, I don't, but y'all you you might, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01No, I'm just but I think that's you know, so that that would be more of a conversation that was that would be more of a red flag than than a real ick, because I'd be like, oh, I need to kind of keep this in check. Is this is this normally the way he's gonna show up? Kind of funky and not really taking good care of himself, then that would be probably something.
SPEAKER_03But if you like that person, if you like that person, y'all went out or whatever before you before all that or whatever. Yeah, and and although you like you said, that was the ick, you know what I mean, to the point where you kind of like, oh hell no. As opposed to all the conversation that you had before, and try to learn this person or whatever, and it could have been just that one time thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I I I think at that point, if I thought it was just a one off, I would have to test it, right? Like I would let it, I wouldn't because of it. It would have been a red flag versus an it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because of the fact that y'all got a loan or whatever to get to the meeting part of it or whatever, why not give him a chance another day, you know?
SPEAKER_01So that was that would have been more like like I'm watching, right?
SPEAKER_03I'm I'm just gonna see where this goes, right, versus completely repulsed by so basically it's is it basically it's kind of like he should have thought more of being hygiene-wise to be meeting someone the first time or whatever.
SPEAKER_01Well, yes, for me that was a yes, again, right? Um where we just can't like no, I can't. You know, if you're not gonna, that's enough.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, just enough. That's just enough. That was just a real ick for you.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Ugh. Yeah. All right, what's up, Oklahoma? Hi from Oklahoma. Appreciate y'all listening, tapping in. Share, share, like, alrighty. Uh Cody Pierce, that's just night 9,000. Appreciate you uh listening and tapping in. Um, if you got any questions, we're talking about uh the ick. And the ick is something that you really when I say despised, would that be the right word? Yeah, you're repulsed by the repulsed by what someone does after really actually liking them for a certain amount of time. You know, uh, if you guys have something, you know, hit us in the chat. Hit us in the chat, let us know what you guys think or the experiences that you had, whatever. You know, we would like to learn, we'd like to know what you what y'all know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, for sure, for sure.
SPEAKER_03What we get.
Social Media And The TikTok Effect
SPEAKER_01Okay, another type of ick, and this one I think um, you know, we talk a lot about how social media and such has an impact on all of us, right? So um a couple couple points here about social media that we'll talk about, but one being the external feedback that you're getting from people that can create an ick for you. So, like, oh, I think that guy's really weird, I can't believe you really like him, or oh, the dress is ridiculous, or oh, he doesn't have a good enough job for you, or you know, to be with you, or you know, or he needs to take a chair and walk and whatever, and you get all this outside influence about what is right for you about the person and what's right for you, that you can create an ick.
SPEAKER_03So you can create an ick, which I think I've created a ick about uh uh, you know, who we talked about before. Yeah, Dr. Brian. You know, I um and it's not like I really want, you know what I mean? I mean, I like I I liked her for as a person or whatever, but it gave me that ick from what I learned. You know, I mean some of the stuff I already and other people talking about it and I and and the fact that I uh I know that person, you know what I'm saying? And and that part of that person, you know, really is different from the stuff that I've I've learned. You know what I mean? Because the the situation was different, the goals were were were different, you know, her career was different, I guess, in that point, you know, to the point where when I seen the lies and the uh the proof that needed to be that wasn't proven, gave me the ick. You know what I mean? So yeah, you know, so basically it can work as friends, you know, for someone that's a friend as as well as someone that you probably you know either dated or are are in a relationship with, you know what I mean? So uh yeah, so that that gave me the ick.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you have the ick back with that one. Yeah, that was a that was a bad icky, that was a bad icky, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Everybody's gonna be gonna.
SPEAKER_01Changing this word in different words. Ick in a house. Yes, Icarama. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so the the next one I want to talk about is the TikTok effect. So I'm not a huge TikToker, okay, what they're even called.
SPEAKER_02Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, but you know, occasionally I'll pop in. But you'll see trends that happen on TikTok where it's, you know, the dancing trend trend or the doing something silly to your partner trend or the whatever. And some things get glorified, if you will, and the ick is glorified on TikTok. So the more disgusting you can describe the ick on TikTok, the more intrigued people are, right? So it's almost like I'm not necessarily saying people want to be with somebody that creates that gives them the ick, but it's it's almost like cool if you do, right? Because I can now talk about it on TikTok.
SPEAKER_03Now I can talk about how icky that was, right?
SPEAKER_01Um dating apps, same thing, right? Dating apps, TikTok, anything that you can now amplify the ick creates momentum. I don't think it's good for our our individual being, our soul, right? To be amplifying the it personally. Um but it's a thing. So you know, it's just something to be aware of that that it's happening out there as a way to get it.
SPEAKER_03Sometimes you know yeah. Um people do it for the clickbait.
SPEAKER_00Yep, 100%.
SPEAKER_03You know what I mean? Or a lot of them do it for the clickbait, you know. A lot of instead of being on to uh shows like this, like we are, you know what I mean, a lot of people gravitate more towards the negativity and the drama and the the BS that's going on or whatever. And unless you're talking about somebody is the only reason that, you know, uh, but those things are to me are turned off, of course, you know what I'm saying? Uh uh it, so to speak, you know. Um, because I mean it it says about it says a lot about them, you know. Now, some of those things are not always true too, you know. Yeah. Now, some people actually, especially on TikTok, social media, Instagram, you know, their personalities are are whole completely different from what you may see on there. But when they portray that, you know, and go out, you know, into the world, people looking at you as that. You know what I mean? And if you have any kind of uh I only want I want to say I don't want to say common sense, but uh yeah, if you had any kind of common sense or whatever, you know, you're not going to just instantly judge somebody as soon as you see them because of what you learn on Instagram.
SPEAKER_01Correct.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean, if you're yeah, but it but they're there but they do. But they do, exactly, you know what I'm saying? And so it's kind of like, you know, you can mess up someone's really, you know, mental by, you know, uh judging them without actually really knowing them, you know, because of what someone else says on Instagram or even maybe something stupid that you might have done on Instagram, you know what I mean? Um so I mean, there's there's a couple of people. That I know that's on Instagram, you know, that's funny and cool or whatever, you know, but they have mental situations and mental problems to where, you know, when you see them, you you're thinking about all that funny, funny stuff or whatever, and you know, not understanding when that person in the room by themselves are around, you know, they're going through something.
SPEAKER_00They're different. Yeah, it's different.
SPEAKER_03You know what I'm saying? And so it's kind of like unless you once you meet people with like myself, when I meet someone, I want to get to know them. You know what I mean? Like I, yes, I've met Danzel Washington, but I wanted to get to know him. I know what I'm saying. I mean, I'm just saying it's kind of like I want to get to know, you know what I mean, as opposed to who, you know, which I kind of gotta feel when we when I when I did meet him or whatever, because it was real talk. It wasn't like no uh uh phony.
SPEAKER_00He weren't performing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, he wasn't performing, you know. I didn't look at him like in training day, like that's that's him, you know what I mean? Uh, you know, that type of thing. And other, you know, uh Danny DeVito, when I met Danny DeVito when I did a show with Always Sunday Philadelphia, Danny DeVito's so cool, you know what I mean? You would think that he's kind of like off, you know, in his old little world or whatever the case would be. This dude singing, I mean, he knew more RB songs and you know, about my culture than hell, then I probably knew. You know what I mean? I mean, he was just in touch like that, you know what I'm saying? So it's just things that that that that like you say, you see on TV or or or social media, whatever, that you cannot take a granted because you might have that ick thing about them. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a good point. And I think we live in a in a sadly, we live in a culture where everybody's shouldn't say everybody, that's that's a blanket statement, but there are a lot of people who are very performative, right? They are not who they present to be.
SPEAKER_02Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Right? There's so much, you know, so much noise about how you should show up and what makes you valuable or or worthy. You gotta do certain things, say certain things, act certainly. You know, it's it's a sad situation, but it is it is amplified by what we see on social media and you know what what the trends are on TikTok and the other things that yeah, many people can feel like there's no alternative. Like if I show up just as me, that's just not good enough.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01Right? I have to perform in some way. Yeah, oh yeah, right, which is a sad has happened.
SPEAKER_03So what kind of performance are you about to do? Right now, I'm gonna spin.
SPEAKER_00I I don't know whatever like that.
SPEAKER_03Can you sing? Can you sing? Can you rap? Can you what can you do? Oh much pressure.
SPEAKER_01Uh I can't do any of that very well, but I can give you some questions to consider when we have the ick.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01Um so we'll we'll take these slow and see if any of them land.
SPEAKER_02All right.
SPEAKER_01Um there's only four, so we'll then take them slow because we've got time today to actually like even with the going on.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
The Ick Audit Four Questions
SPEAKER_01So when you get the ick, this is your ick audit, if you will, right? You're like analyzing ick. Right. First question is what exactly was the trigger? Be specific. Like, oh, the person called the waiter, you know, boss, or they had a disgusting car, or what was the trigger that caused the ick? So that's your number one. Okay. The number two and this you're like to unsure is the trigger a character or values issue? So I don't I can't be in, you know, a value alignment with somebody who practices witchcraft. Right. Like that is just um or is it just a mannerism that they have? Like they're you know saying things like that.
SPEAKER_03So that's a way or their mannerism can be a ick, right? Basically, it can be an ick because when you when you when you just say that, I uh I know someone that's more like needing attention or wanting attention to the point, especially if they're out on a date with somebody and they feel like they still gotta be the you know, the attention getter or whatever, you know, and disrespecting like the person that they're with, basically, you know what I'm saying? That's an ick thing to me. You know what I mean? It's kind of like you're on a date, you know. Obviously, you know, I'm with this person because you know, you're attracted to everybody else. Of course, I'm hoping they're gonna think you're attractive as well, you know what I'm saying? But I'm the one who got the date. But yeah, if you feel like that, oh, you know, I have to be, you know, seen or or you know, uh because I think I'm so fine or whatever that, you know, I need disattention from everybody else, you know, or I'm giving this flirtatious to people or other people, you know what I mean, why I'm on a date with someone. You know, I think the worst thing a person do is is to be on a date with someone and making it clear, especially for guys. For guys, we know, like, uh yeah, she ain't really with him. You know what I mean? And she's making it kind of opening in that that door or whatever to show that hey, I'm not, you know, you know, you can get it too if you want to, basically. You know what I mean? That's an ick for me. You know what I'm saying? I'm kind of like, uh, uh, hang no damn way, you come be around me for uh however long or whatever, and you know, in disrespect in disrespect as well, you know.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, yeah, and I mean it that's very disrespectful, right? And that makes you feel um ickish.
SPEAKER_03No, I know I just like though, I like the word ick.
SPEAKER_01I know, see we use it all the time now. We come into this, he's like, ick, yeah, and now it's like ick, ick, ick ick, ick, ick, or icking all over the place, right? Um, you know, there's a that's obviously very, very layered because there's a lot of things that my mind is thinking about that, the female in that scenario, right? And why they need to show up like that, and how it really has nothing to do with you, right, right, right. But it still impacts you because that's not how you think the rel, you know, the relationship, they're the getting to know each other, the date should go, right? Like this is not how we treat each other on a date. Right, right, right. That's not in alignment with what you like. But okay, so that was the second one. So is the trigger a character or value issue? Um, is it annerism or you know, a surface behavior? Okay, did the ick hit right when the relationship was getting more real? This is an important one. As we got closer or more emotionally available, did we start getting the ick?
SPEAKER_03Interesting.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so this one is really in alignment with attachment styles. And that there may be uncomfortableness with emotions, connect you know, too close of connection. Within a relationship. Now you're in a relationship, that's what we're talking about. Yeah. Okay, okay. So if it gets as it's getting more real, right, if you start getting it, how do you handle it? We need to well, we don't need to, but I would say look at your um patterning, right? Like what's happening that's making you feel like, oh, no, I gotta push them away. It's probably uncomfortableness with vulnerability, uncomfortableness with sharing emotions, uncomfortableness with maybe feeling like you're gonna get trapped, like there's things going on there, right? That now that it became real feels icky. Okay, okay. So again, that one is more like here's what's creating the ick, how you're the person block. Right. The ick, right? It's how you you create your it's it's your ick.
SPEAKER_03So you're creating an ick for yourself.
SPEAKER_01It's your ick, yes.
SPEAKER_03And how you handle it. So basically, yeah. So basically, if if you create yeah, so how do you handle it? If you if you create an ick for yourself, how do you handle it? Or is there, as we always talk about every week, tools to handling that type of thing.
SPEAKER_01So in that particular ick where you're you're going, you know, you're feeling pretty good about the relationship, and then all of a sudden it starts getting pretty real and you get icked out. Um you probably need some work around reprogramming your attachment style to become more secure and more comfortable with vulnerability and sharing emotions and things like that. So you're gonna find somebody like me that can help with that because it's hard to um get out of that by yourself. You're just programmed, right? Like the programming needs to be reprogrammed.
SPEAKER_03So sometimes if it's not, if if if you're if it oops, if it's not um who was that?
SPEAKER_01Gasper?
SPEAKER_03If it's if it's not uh um brought up to your attention, of that's what it is, you're gonna continue to yes, of course, because that's what that's that's how you've been programmed. Right. So if you've been programmed like that and it's and it has never been brought up to your, you know, and brought to your intentions or whatever, this is what's going on. What if that person don't believe that that's what's going on there?
SPEAKER_01Well, they're probably not gonna fix it then, right? They're probably not gonna make any, they're gonna just think I'm icked out by this person. So that's why we're kind of watching that. That is the did the ick hit you as the relationship started to get more serious, right? Right, more real. Is that when was that the trigger that all of a sudden you're like icked out by the person? That's probably some work that you need to do, right? And not them.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01It's not that's not that they're living in their dirty car, like, right against your morals, right?
SPEAKER_03Right. Um, but isn't that also different though when you actually uh with someone and you established, you know, feelings for them or you know, in the relationship, of course, you know, to is it always gonna be that I mean, well, like are you gonna are you gonna always feel like oh everything that that person does that may have icked you, it's on that person, it's on me. You know what I mean? So say like if I'm with someone and they ick me or whatever, and I just like I like this word ick and they ick you, you know what I mean? And it's kind of like you know, am I gonna think it's oh it's it's just it's not really them, it's me.
SPEAKER_01Um so there's not a one answer to that, but uh the thing that we want to watch is if the ick is coming on as the relationship becomes more real, it's probably some work that you need to do.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean, why not why not state what that problem is and that person work on it, something that they need to do?
SPEAKER_00Well, it it could be a two-way thing. Yeah, but it could be a good thing. It could be a two-way thing.
SPEAKER_03If you're in a relationship, it was both let me get the camera. Oh, if you're in a look if you're on it, well, if you're in a relationship, it it it's on both sides, you know what I mean? It's kind of like, you know, for one, if I discuss the fact that this certain thing ickes me, right? And that person is not willing to change, or and then I'm like on some like, you know, is it me because I'm just icked off whatever now, I have to change and and just accept it in some kind of way or whatever, or is that person gonna be like, oh, I know this icks him or whatever. So, you know, maybe I need to change, or or you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01It works both ways. It works both ways. And we need to look at each scenario individually, because if I'm telling you, hey, I'm really excited to see you today, and you get icked out by it, that that would stifle me to not be able to tell you how I'm feeling if I had to not be able to say that, right? Because it's gonna make you uncomfortable. You're gonna get in, right? Right, right. So it's a con it's a conversation, right? If I if I know that texting you 8,000 times a day saying, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, is gonna drive you crazy. That's that's some of my work, right? Because I need to be able to be comfortable in in not having to text you 8,000 times a day. So gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03I got it, I got it. All right, we get somewhere, we get somewhere. Uh gee, I think we got the trolls again, it looked like. Oh, how do you get the the date with those? Tell me about me. How did I get dates with those bug eyes? Uh first of all, let me look at my eyes. You look, can you tell?
SPEAKER_02You look at glasses.
SPEAKER_03Anyway, that's trolls. Uh and uh mint lucky, mints mint s-r-i, and roji says sub. That means what's up? What's up?
SPEAKER_00Uh I I know what that means.
SPEAKER_03Thank you for clarifying for sub. You know, so my baby brother's sister. Anyway, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so next question. So your fourth question. Have you had this ick before with different people at a similar relationship stage? So this is again another one where you need to look at like, am I patterned to get the ick based on somebody doing something because of my work that I do? You see everything? So, like, it's like, oh yeah, I was with you know, Joe five years ago, and it was kind of at that same point where he icked me out, right? When we got too close or we got whatever. Now it's happening again with George. You know, I'm getting icked out again. So something to just consider that it might not be George and whatever I said the other guy's name.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because I'm I'm I uh uh if I see a trade of someone or whatever to ick me out before, you know, if like if I get icked out about something, it's because I haven't been there before. If that makes sense. You know what I mean? So say for instance, uh um one of you trying to think of a good example. Um well, just say, you know, uh uh like you say, if somebody says you missed, you know, I miss you, I meet you, I miss you, I miss you, whatever, you know. And I never been with anyone that says as much before, you know, and I I get icked out of it or whatever. And it's not the fact that because I don't like it, it's just kind of like, ugh, oh, what what's going on here? You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01What it's un unusual for you.
SPEAKER_03Unusual, yeah. So I mean, and it doesn't make it a bad thing. It's just like it's it, it's it's it's especially if you like the person, you're going to so much of them for lack of a better word, adjust. You know, you're gonna adjust to the the fact that this is just that person, this is how they are, you know what I mean, and you don't have to be icked by it. You can be like, you know, embrace it, you know what I'm saying, and try to uh understand it because you might feel the same way, but just don't express it the same way.
SPEAKER_01You might, yes, and you might. Right. What imagine if if you can, imagine if you will, that um you're hearing the M is you miss you, M is you 5,000, 3,000 times. Um and instead of you just being kind of uh taken back because you've not experienced this before, you actually feel suffocated. Can you imagine how that might land for some people? Okay, so or trapped or like this person's way too anxious for me or whatever, right? So um they might be too much. I don't know, like we don't know, we have to figure out, but it might also be uncomfortableness on your part to have somebody be so expressive with their emotions, right? Right. So there you go. I got more for you to do that.
SPEAKER_03There you there you go.
SPEAKER_01And that's what I got to say about that.
SPEAKER_03You're right, you're right.
SPEAKER_01Um, okay, so let's listen to a couple of things that you don't have to take really copious notes, otherwise we'll be here until next Tuesday. Right. So
When To Trust The Ick
SPEAKER_01okay. So when to trust the ick and when to question the ick.
SPEAKER_03Ah, there we go. Now we're getting down the second. Okay, yeah, let's go.
SPEAKER_01Oh, now he's adjusting himself.
SPEAKER_03When to trust it, yeah. Yeah, all right, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01You ready? You ready? Ready? You ready? Okay. All right, you sure, you sure, you're ready. Okay. When to trust the ick. The trigger reveals a genuine values incompatibility. Going back to Witchcraft Lady, like her values in believing in voodoo dolls is not in alignment for me, right? Exactly. Um, so or something that they said or did contradicts who you are or what you need. So they're come you're on complete opposite ends of the spectrum there. That's when you're gonna trust, that's one of the reasons you're gonna trust the discomfort persists and deepens over time rather than softening. So when you said about, like, oh, I might just be uncomfortable with somebody texting 4,000 times, like, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. If it starts becoming more intense as instead of you just kind of like relaxing into it, yeah, you probably should trust that. Like it's not working for you.
SPEAKER_02Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um, multiple icks across different moments, a pattern, not a single incident. So, you know, you're icked by that, you're ached by that, you're icked by that, you're itched by that. It's not just the dirty car, it's the you know, the way they treat the waiter and the the, you know, the umbrella in the drink, I don't know, whatever it is, but multiple icks, you should trust that. And the try, so the next one, the trigger is a behavior, not a vulnerability. So they did something that showed you who they were, not something sorry, who they are, not something that showed you who they care about. Right. So if it's um kind of like going back to Cheyenne, um or maybe not Cheyenne, but the other like the other person you talked about, maybe they weren't a real person, but when they're like, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me. Um that could be something that's that's something you really need to pay attention to. Right. Okay, when you should question it, when maybe it's it that can be reversed or fixed or changed or whatever. Okay. The trigger was warmth, enthusiasm, expressed feelings, or emotional availability, and you're just uncomfortable with it, that might be kind of what we talked about a second ago, something that you need to work with, right? Like it icked you out because they were super enthusiastic or they were super caring about something, or they were really telling you all their feelings and you got icked. Okay. So that's where you want to question it. The ick hit right when things were getting real, like we talked about before. So, you know, maybe the first time they say really like you, and you're like, Oh, I'm icked, right? That might be something to question.
SPEAKER_03Umly if somebody that I don't like, I I don't like I'm gonna be icked. If I don't like them back, I'm gonna be ick.
SPEAKER_01Hopefully you're not hanging out with them still if you don't like them.
SPEAKER_03Well, that's really that's true. Right.
SPEAKER_01I like I think you you you're gonna put an end to that, right? I mean, not just it'll just keep going out. I don't really like you, but like this is kind of interesting. I'm waiting to see when you ick me.
SPEAKER_02Right, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Okay, you have a history of getting icked at exactly the same stage in relationships. So we talked about that. So watch for your patterns. Like, am I getting icked again? Because if it's happening at the same kind of point, then it's you, then we might want to question it. Yeah, you can't articulate exactly what's wrong or what they did. You're just icked. You can't say, well, the reason I'm icked is because you know, they were rude to the waiter.
SPEAKER_03But what if you just don't want to be you just don't want to be rude to them?
SPEAKER_01You don't want to be uh Well, this isn't a conversation you need to have with them necessarily. This is just for you, right? To say, like, I don't really know why I'm icked. I'm just icked. Can't I can't get to the exact moment in time when they icked me out. I can't articulate it, like the car or the finding out the witchcraft, right? Or the talking too much about myself and trying to like flirt with the other people. Like those are moments in time, but if you're just like generally kind of like just icked, we might want to question the ick what's going on that's making me. Feel that way, right? Because you can't be like, well, if you really didn't flirt with people in a restaurant, I would feel more comfortable with our relationship, right? You can't pinpoint it. We wouldn't want to look at it.
SPEAKER_03Well, I mean, that's just a different thing of being uh secure about yourself as you know, like you say, if someone if you're with somebody that's flirtatious with everybody else, as as opposed to one just being disrespectful, you know, to you. Like I can be, I can like you can do whatever or whatever, but there's a a level of respect as well that goes with it. You know what I'm saying? And if you're not respecting me when I'm out with you, then yeah, I'm gonna be icked by what the hell you're doing because you know, so it goes both ways, you know what I mean. It's kind of like I'm secure about me. Yeah, you know, and I'm secure about who I'm with at the time. But if then you disrespect them, then we're on a whole different, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, your values aren't aligned to that. It's not aligned, exactly. You're back to that. And that would be um one that you should listen to, right? That they don't value what it means to be out together. Right. They're not, you know, and you know, you might be able to talk about it and it might make move somewhere, but it might be a strong enough value conflict that it's something that that if is legit, right? Yeah, it's a legit ick. Um if it's a romantic topic, if the thing that triggers you would not bother you in a friend, but it's bothering you in a romantic partner, interesting, it's something that we should question.
Friends Versus Partners Different Rules
SPEAKER_01Interesting.
SPEAKER_03Wouldn't bother you in a friend, but bother you in a relationship. Wow. Okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Okay, that was that. Okay, so that was that. So was there any of those that were oh well that last one obviously stood out for you? Um what was what was going on in your in your mind when you were Am I in session now, Doc? Yeah, uh yes, please sit back and relax, put your feet up, your eyes.
SPEAKER_03Um, uh because it's it's it's kind of like I mean, there are things that you can tolerate with a friend, their ix or whatever, as opposed to someone because your mindset is on the this person is with me. This person, you know, is supposed to be my mate, you know what I mean? Uh, as opposed to someone that's just a friend, because you don't have to uh be around them as much. You know what I mean? Like you know that you know they got this ick about them or whatever, but I don't it's but it's not a relationship. So I don't really not to say I don't care, you know what I mean, because if it's something that I think that icks me and me, like I might bring it to their attention and be like, they could, you know, it people, you know what I'm saying? Just how you're doing or how you're acting or you how you smell. I don't know how we got back to that. You know what I'm saying? But it's it's those things or whatever, you know. But it's there is a difference though. There is a difference because it's not like as a friend, it's like if a friend icked me about something, it's not like I'm not gonna be their friend anymore. You know, but if it's a girl that's basically we're in a relationship or going towards a relationship or dating, yes.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01So the same. Why is that? Well, because when we when we look at it from an attachment theory standpoint, right, how we are patterned to get, we've learned how to get love and what love looks like. Right. Should feel and what I have to do. It's different when we're talking about our buddy, right, versus how you think you need to show up and how the other person should show up in a relationship, right? So it feels different. So it's almost um almost like, you know, um against the rules.
SPEAKER_03It's not but you're you're in a different, you're different, you're in a different mindset when it comes to to friends or whatever. But what that is that that friend becomes your best friend that basically can end up being into a relationship, and you learn those things about them that you know that icked you, you know, uh, and then you already told them, hey, you know, as a friend before y'all even end up being together, you know, this, you know, could it mean or whatever the case may be. And she never changed that because you didn't be able, you weren't because you accepted it then because you didn't really care, because you know, you weren't in a relationship with them. Now that you're in a relationship, how does that look when it comes to being icked or whatever from the things that we've already talked about? And you know that it icked me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it it icked me when we were we were friends, but I was okay with it, but you know it icked me, and now we're in a relationship and it's like a non-negotiable like you can't do that anymore because that ickes me to the point where we won't be able to be in a relationship.
SPEAKER_03What if the what's the yeah? So what's the argument? Hey, you knew it, you knew that before, you know, before we got we got we got together, whatever.
SPEAKER_01So, you know, oh well, and then well, here we go back to communicating, right? Because a friendship is not the same as a relationship, right? A romantic relationship. They are different, they have different, we have different rules about what will allow our friends to do or together.
SPEAKER_03But you but you still know. I don't mean to cut you off, but you still know because you still know that if that person is attractive, if y'all having an attraction towards you, even when y'all are friends, you know you you're attracted to that person, you know, but y'all just happen to be friends because you could have been dating somebody else at the time, or the other person could have been dating out so and y'all never the timing wasn't right. Yeah, right? So you really know, you know.
SPEAKER_01Well, yes, but when you're friends, when you're friends, you don't have the same um rules, right? We don't have the same rules for our friends. So, like what what in our mind uh I kind of call it as like an operating manual, right? We have an operating manual of how we think our friends should act towards us, how we should act towards our friends, how we should act towards our family members, how they should act towards us, the lady at the grocery store, vice versa, our romantic partner, vice versa. They're different. The rules are different, the book is not the same, right? So your rules in your mind about how a romantic relationship should work is not the same as when you guys were buddies.
SPEAKER_03So the rules change, means the whole dynamics of your friendship will change. Oh no, put in front of your relationship. But you're gonna be if that's my best friend, should that because I always want my best friend to know.
SPEAKER_01You can still be best friends and have another layer to your relationship, right? That I mean, if you guys are best friends, are you gonna be okay if they date somebody else? Because you're just friends, of course not. They can't date somebody else if you're just friends. Oh, if you're just friends, yeah. Okay, yeah. So now so that was the the way that it worked when you guys were together, is it and the the best friends, right? And now you're in the relationship together. Are they allowed to still date other people? The answer's no. Okay, the rules change, right?
SPEAKER_02So you can make your point.
SPEAKER_03You can't do okay. She made her point. So uh Samantha, what's up? What's up, Samantha? Uh the boundaries are different when it uh when it's platonic versus a relationship.
SPEAKER_01Yes, Samantha. Spot on.
SPEAKER_03Okay, Sam. Dang. All right.
unknownDang.
SPEAKER_03Can I get another fella to get fellas in that too? No. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. No, it makes sense. Yeah, I see.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay, good. Yeah. All right. Uh, what time do we start? I'm so confused. We get we're so late, you guys.
SPEAKER_03That's right. They they need an extra bonus time, so don't worry about it. We good. All right. We got about four more minutes.
SPEAKER_01Sorry.
SPEAKER_03We got four minutes.
SPEAKER_01Sorry on behalf of fuel. Um, okay, so what are you thinking? Questions? First of all, you really love the ick now. Well, not the actual ick, but the word ick.
SPEAKER_03The word ick, I like the word ick. Uh when I go to work tomorrow and be like, man, y'all icking me the fuck out.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that ick, that ick, that ick, all the ick.
SPEAKER_03Right, right, right. Um gosh, that's so funny. I mean, no, but I mean, it everything you just said, it makes sense. I understand it, and I play together, although I act silly sometimes and be like, act like I don't know what's going on, but I know what's going on.
SPEAKER_01But um okay, let me quiz you then. What is the difference between the ick and the red flag?
SPEAKER_03What's the difference? Yeah, it was the okay, the difference between an ick and a red flag. The ick is more of something that you uh get like a feeling, you know what I'm saying? It's kind of like a uh uh emotional uh despair or or you know something that you just shut down from, basically, right? And then a red flag is uh I don't like that, I'm cool.
SPEAKER_01But it's not emotional, it's not really like a it can be emotional to get a red flag when you get a red flag, it can be emotional, but the the main difference, the ick comes on instantly. Okay, a red flag might be something you're like, ooh, I kind of need to watch that like that, like that.
SPEAKER_03Because you with a red flag, you're going to give other chances, more chances, whatever. With an ick, you're kind of like, ugh, oh hell no. That ain't yet.
SPEAKER_01Oh this is a good thing. Yes. So that's how we know, right? But we need to make sure that the ick is real, right? Right? By by the 8,000 questions that we just asked. We should probably think about putting those in the transcript or whatever.
SPEAKER_03Like, oh, trust me, it's gonna be so much ick in a transcript uh for this one.
SPEAKER_01So, you know, just because it might be helpful for people to be able to go back and look at the questions, but for sure. Um yeah, so that instant repulsion is there. Okay, it's not the working up to it, it's not the slowly, I'm kind of like like not really deciding if I really like you that much. It's like I liked you five minutes ago and now you icked me and I'm done.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but once again, though, is it's different in the relationship, though, you said, right? Because you're basically you could be icked by something or whatever, but there's also some understanding to where it comes from and how much of it bothers you to the point where it could be you and not that person.
SPEAKER_00It could be you, yes, you could be.
SPEAKER_03So it's a difference. Yeah, I did.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, so the yick. There we go.
SPEAKER_03Okay, all right, alrighty. Woo! That time actually that went kind of fast. That time went fast. I think we started at like 75. I mean, 7.45. 645.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. What time is it? 745.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. We all good. We all good.
Recap And Where To Rewatch
SPEAKER_03We appreciate you guys tapping in. That's gonna do it for us today. We appreciate it. Uh uh, once again, y'all see what we're talking about, the ick. We were talking about the ick. And if you need to watch this over, check it out on YouTube at uh in another hour. I think we it actually records in another hour. So it'll be available on YouTube. Uh, but you also can go to Facebook and on fired up broadcasting uh at gmail. I mean, no, fired upbroadcasting.com. You can actually see it there. Um, so the ick is what we talked about today.
SPEAKER_02The ick.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Do you want to you want to close out something on the ick?
SPEAKER_01Um, I want to just say on the ick the things to remember. One, it's instant. That's how you know it's the ick, right? Um, and not just something that you need to be you're questioning whether or not this is a red flag. So, and the the second piece being um really questioning where the ick is coming from, right? Those questions that we ask, because that is how you're gonna know.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_01It's a real ick, fixable ick, changeable ick, or uh that's a no ick.
SPEAKER_03Or fixable ick. All right. That's gonna do it for us today, y'all. We appreciate y'all. Uh, and remember if they're talking about you behind your back, they behind you for a reason. That was loud. Please loud y'all.
