Why You Think You Suck At Self Care - And 6 Ways To Get Better At It

Have you ever told yourself that you suck at self care? Or have you told yourself that it’s something that just isn’t accessible to you? If so, I’m so glad you’re here because I get to be the one to tell you that that is bullshit.

Yup, so today I’m  going prove to you that you’re actually pretty great at practicing self care. I’m also going let you in on the secret WHY you believe you're bad at it, and we're going to learn six simple things you can start doing RIGHT NOW, so you can start feeling like the capable badass that you already are.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Have you ever told yourself that you suck at self-care? Or have you told yourself that it's something that just is not accessible to you? If so, I'm so glad you're here, because I get to be the one to tell you that that is bullshit. Here's the thing You're actually really good at self-care, and I'll tell you why in a minute. But the problem isn't with you or your aptitude or accessibility to self-care. It's the belief systems you have about it and the habits you've created around it that's causing you to believe that you're bad at it. A lot of folks have a pretty narrow view of what self-care is, how it's achieved and who deserves it. I was actually one of those people, but the truth is, self-care is anything that anyone can do to support the well-being of their mind, body and soul, and that that's a lot of things. So, while having a broad range of holistic wellness practices at our fingertips at all times is totally awesome, trying to figure out which ones are going to best serve you can feel pretty daunting. I mean, where do you even start? Well, my friend, today I'm going to give you a starting point. I'm also going to prove to you that you're already pretty great at practicing self-care. I'm also going to prove to you that you're already pretty great at practicing self-care and I'm going to let you in on some secrets why self-care feels so flippin' hard. And by sharing this information, I'm hoping that you're going to come out of here feeling empowered and inspired to start confidently taking care of yourself in new and creative ways. My name is Crystal McLean. This is Creative Self-Care, and together we're exploring new ways towards wellness so we can effectively care for the mind, body and mother, love and soul and live healthy, empowered lives individually and collectively. If you appreciate what I'm doing here at CMC, want to support my work and gain a more personal experience, what I'm doing here at CMC, want to support my work and gain a more personal experience, consider joining my friends at Patreon for as little as $3 a month To learn more about our community and how we're making a positive impact. You can visit crystalmcclaincreativecom. All right, let's get to it. So if you ever have told yourself that you suck at self-care or that it's not accessible to you, I have to tell you that your theories are bullshit, because you are practicing self-care all the time. In fact, you're doing it right now. Yep, remember how I just said that self-care is anything that anyone can do to support the well-being of their mind, body and soul. Well, mind, body and soul Well, this is one of those things. Making the choice to learn about yourself and your needs so you can become better at self-care is self-care. And here you are. Congratulations, and you know what.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Your day is filled with moments like this. From the time you wake up until the moment you go to bed, you are actively making choices to make your life feel better, and that's the point of self-care right To feel better. But here's the thing A lot of times we just end up reaching for things that are a quick fix or give us instant gratification, or we make choices based on fear or someone else's expectations, instead of aligning our actions with our true needs. What do I mean by that? Well, it's like popping Advil for a chronic headache. While the Advil may help relieve your symptoms, it's not addressing the root cause. If you really want to get rid of your headache, then you have to figure out where the headache is coming from. The headache is just a message that something is wrong, and our bodies are giving us messages all day long, and it's our responsibility to figure out what those messages mean Popping an Advil makes you feel better in the moment, but it's just silencing the message. And we find all sorts of ways to silence the messages we receive from our bodies. We reach for food, drugs, alcohol, credit cards, our phones, perfectionism, people pleasing and all sorts of things that numb, suppress or distract us from these important messages.

Speaker 1: 4:30

My hope for you is that you will learn how to practice creative self-care so you can feel safe enough to listen to your body and confidently decode its messages, so you can start supporting your mind, body and soul in truly nourishing ways. And how you practice creative self-care is by learning how your brain and body actually work and discerning what really matters to you. When you do this, you're going to be better equipped at translating your symptoms into meaningful input. So let's learn a little bit about your brain today. So the brain's main objective is to keep us safe, and one of the ways that human primates feel safe is when they increase the hormones dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and oxytocin. I'm not going to get into the details of these hormones, but if you want, you can learn more about them and how to increase them in healthy ways by downloading my free digital guide at my website and, of course, if you're a Patreon member, this is going to be included in today's bonus content package. Anyway, and because humans are clever creatures, we've found all sorts of ways to increase these hormones.

Speaker 1: 5:44

The trouble is, a lot of us have found unhelpful ways to get them. You know what I'm talking about. It's that alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, binging, food, tv, social media these behaviors flood our bloodstream with the yummy, delicious, feel-good hormones. But here's the thing While these activities make us feel good in the moment, they don't actually address our core needs. Now, I'm not here to say that any of these activities are bad, but we do get into trouble if we're using them to consistently suppress the messages we need to receive. It's like that Advil for the chronic headache. The headache could be stemming from poor body mechanics, work, stress, dehydration, you name it. Advil isn't going to change the cause of the headache, so the headache's just going to keep coming back.

Speaker 1: 6:36

So when we experience an unwanted thought, feeling or circumstance, the brain is going to give us signals that something is wrong and we're not going to find solutions by getting drunk or scrolling our time away. When we misalign our actions with our needs, we risk creating bigger problems for ourselves. I definitely do not want that for you. All right. So that was a little bit about the brain. Definitely do not want that for you. All right, so that was a little bit about the brain.

Speaker 1: 7:06

Now I want to talk about one of the biggest obstacles that we face in life, and that is our culture. Our society, at least here in the US, is built on generational trauma, greed and a lot of other toxic bullshit, and we subconsciously get swept away in it. The messages we primarily receive from this culture don't align with our truest needs and desires, and that is going to create conflict in our brains, challenging the essence of who we are and what we need or deserve. Self-care, honestly, wouldn't feel so hard or confusing if we lived in a world where our basic needs were being met. If we didn't have to worry about things like being able to afford rent, groceries or a trip to the doctor, or worry about being criticized at work or assaulted in a parking lot, or feel the pressure to look a certain way, meet particular milestones, or worry that our leaders are killing our planet and the people who inhabit it, or feel compelled to be perfect and excellent in all ways, then self-care would probably be a fucking cakewalk, but that's not the world we live in.

Speaker 1: 8:17

There's a lot of noise that's creeping into our heads, keeping us obedient to false ideas about self-care or, more specifically, self-worth or competency, and because our poor brains are designed to seek immediate safety, satisfaction or belonging, we end up reacting to these messages on a primal, fear-based level instead of consciously responding in more mindful, beneficial ways. If we're hungry, we should eat. If we're tired, we should rest. If someone makes us feel uncomfortable, we should say something, but instead we're concerned that the food's going to make us fat, or if we sit down, we're going to be considered lazy, or if we speak up, we might offend someone. This is not healthy and this is why I'm so fucking passionate about creative self-care.

Speaker 1: 9:16

You deserve to understand how your brain and your body work and what they need to thrive. How your brain and your body work and what they need to thrive. You deserve to have a set of skills that allows you to see through the bullshit and clearly define your needs. You deserve to spend your time in ways that feel nourishing, empowering, restorative, joyful or whatever ways you need. You deserve to live your life without feeling bad about your choices, and you deserve to feel strong enough to make choices that make you feel good. So let's talk about some of your needs so you can have a solid starting point for making choices that align with them. Okay, so, honestly, we don't have enough time to get into all of your needs, but if you want to dive deep and learn as much as you can about creative self-care in a practical, digestible way, you can sign up for my newsletter and I will let you know as soon as my creative self-care mastery course is complete. And while you patiently wait for that course, you can start getting creative with the free mindset makeover kit that instantly downloads when you sign up for my newsletter.

Speaker 1: 10:27

Anyway, our needs are actually pretty simple, but despite their simplicity, it's the humans that are rather complex. If you've been paying attention, you've noticed that I refer to the mind, body and soul a lot, and that's because these three things affect one another and our level of well-being. Essentially, you're a complex organism made of science and a bit of magic, roaming this planet with free will and systematic constraints and sociological influences. You have biological requirements and an ego. You have a personality and relationships and a set of values, and because there's no one else like you, you require a unique combination of variables in order for your mind, body and soul to thrive. To thrive, we all do, but one thing we have in common is we all have a brain.

Speaker 1: 11:27

Now, granted, everyone's brain is going to operate differently, but essentially, everybody's brain needs the same six things to function well. And here's another thing your brain operates your body and your perception of your soul. So if you take care of the brain, you're going to be inadvertently taking care of the body and soul as well. It's getting more bang for your self-care buck. So, since I've got an online course to finish and you've got a life to live, let's quickly learn about your brain and those six things you can do to keep it healthy. So your brain, or actually your entire nervous system, is quite literally in charge of all the things I'm talking about thoughts and decision making, memories and emotions, movement, balance, coordination, automatic behaviors like breathing, heart rate, sleep and body temperature, regulation of organ functions, speech and language functions, your fight or flight response and processing sensory information Blah, okay. So this is a lot for your brain to manage all day, every day, in fact, just running the basics, the brain uses about 20% of the entire body's energy. The brain uses about 20% of the entire body's energy. So, because your brain is acting like a constant surveillance camera, processing all of the information it receives. Plus, it's trying to intricately orchestrate your internal system so you can maintain homeostasis and manage your relationships and your job and your household, and obsess about that stupid thing you did about a year ago. It's in your best interest to support your brain in as many ways as you can, and this is how you're going to do it.

Speaker 1: 13:14

Number one exercise. If you want to do something intense, like high intensity interval training, that's your prerogative. But really, just simply moving your body is going to be good for your brain. You could go for a walk, you could dance, you could pace around the house, you could do yoga, it does not matter. What matters is that you enjoy yourself. If you're not enjoying how you're moving your body, you're not going to want to do it, and we're trying to appease the brain. So move however you want. And the reason why exercise is good for the brain is because it releases some of those happy hormones that we mentioned earlier, primarily dopamine and endorphins. It also helps your brain to get rid of the chemicals that make you feel stressed and anxious, and when we exercise, we engage our motor skills, which forces our brains to process sensory information, and that increases electrical activity in your brain, which also improves things like movement, memory and problem solving. So go, move your damn body.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Number two deep breathing. Again, you get to do this however the fuck you want. You don't have to sit in some sort of yogi pose or follow complicated instructions like alternating nostril breathing. Yeah, that's a thing you can anywhere. And the reason why deep breathing is good for your brain is because it directly affects something called the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is the longest nerve in the autonomic nervous system, starting at the brainstem and going all the way down to your abdomen. It controls things like digestion, heart rate, respiratory rate, mood and immune functions. That means it's the nerve that activates the fight or flight response. And what's cool about deep breathing is that, since it is directly linked to the vagus nerve, we can kind of override our stress response and help switch ourselves over to the parasympathetic response, which is when your body's able to rest, digest and repair itself. Deep breathing literally helps calm the nervous system and heal the body, and if that wasn't awesome enough, it can also support cognitive function and your ability to learn new skills, so cool.

Speaker 1: 15:48

Number three sleep. If you are someone who suffers from insomnia, I'm so sorry we'll have to create some content specifically just for you, but since you're here, you could definitely try all of these other brain tricks and see if any of them help, but for now, I just want to highlight the importance of sleep, so you should try to get at least seven hours, and the reason why we need to get plenty of sleep is because it's vital to the brain's plasticity, which is the brain's ability to adapt to input, meaning it can learn new thoughts and skills. Sleep is also necessary for proper cognitive and behavioral function, improving memory, regulating metabolism and reducing mental fatigue. Sleep is also the time when the brain's able to flush out toxins and help ward off things like depression, seizures, high blood pressure and migraines. Number four sunlight. Now, there's no hard science to say exactly how much sun a person needs, because it varies from person to person, but everything that I've read gives an average of about 10 to 20 minutes a day, and one of the reasons sunlight is good for the brain is because it increases the release of serotonin, which is a mood boosting hormone that helps you feel calm and focused.

Speaker 1: 17:11

Number five mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness and meditation are really just ways of paying attention with intention. It's wrangling your focus on one specific thing and you could be mindful with just about anything. But since we're here to be creative with our self-care and get more bang for your buck, I would suggest being mindful with your breath, movement or cooking which we'll get into in a minute but really it doesn't matter. The idea is to recognize when you've been distracted and then refocus without judgment. That's it. And the reason why mindfulness and meditation are great is because they increase our resiliency to stress, increase our attention span, improve our sleep and boost creativity and you know I love that one.

Speaker 1: 18:04

And finally, number six proper nutrition. Here we are with our cooking. So the brain requires specific nutrients and proper hydration to function well. It's like putting gas in your car instead of Pepsi. It's just going to run better. So specifically, the brain needs omega-3 fatty acids, flavonoids, b vitamins, vitamin D, c and E, carotene, choline, calcium, zinc, selenium, copper and iron.

Speaker 1: 18:46

But essentially, you just want to try to eat a variety of whole, unprocessed foods from the major food groups when you can. Sometimes that package of ramen is the only thing that's accessible to you. That's okay, you go ahead and eat it and maybe try to score something a little more nutrient dense some other time, but do try to drink enough water. The golden rule for hydration is half your body weight in ounces. So if you're a human who weighs about 200 pounds, try to get about 100 ounces of water. That sounds like a lot, but you've got all day to sip at it. And also, if you're eating raw fruits and veggies or soup or drinking herbal tea, you're getting water in those things too. So don't stress too much. In fact, don't stress at all. Just do what you can.

Speaker 1: 19:38

All right, my friend, one of the creativity pieces in creative self-care is connecting the dots between your actions, your needs, your interests and your lifestyle. You just learned about the benefits of six wellness activities that directly affect your brain. Now it's up to you to figure out how you can incorporate these activities into your life in ways that feel purposeful, accessible and, dare I say it, enjoyable. Remember, you're actually really good at practicing self-care. It's just that some of your actions may not be aligned with your needs. This is an opportunity to do a little tweaking so you can creatively care for that organ that takes care of your whole self.

Speaker 1: 20:29

I love you and your big beautiful brain and I'm so excited about your creative self-care journey. Please be patient with these practices. It's going to take your brain a little while to get on board with anything new, but you're worth the time and effort. If you're interested in that course that I was talking about earlier, you can sign up for the newsletter and score the mindset makeover kit. And if you're curious about those Patreon perks, you can learn more about memberships at my website. Otherwise, know that I love you, I appreciate you and I am so glad you're here. I'll see you soon.