The difference between being a badass self-care warrior and, well, not, may be as simple as tweaking your language a bit. In today’s podcast we’re going to learn about the power of language, and explore ways you can turn self-sabotage into self-empowerment.
Welcome to the podcast, Unlocking Wellness! I'm Crystal McLain, Licensed Clinical Massage Therapist, Self-Care Coach, and Artist, and I'm exploring ways to unlock our wellness barriers so we can create Self-Care Independence,, because honestly, we find our freedom when we’re living well.
So, words… Words are wicked powerful, and they’re the very things we use to program our brains. I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of affirmations floating around the internet. Some of them are awesome and and totally worthy of a screen grab, while some are cheesy AF. But despite wherever they may lie on the cool-to-cheesy scale, if they’re positive, they might be worth reading.
So, your brain works on algorithms, kind of like Google. Whatever you plug into the search bar most frequently is what’s going to pop up first.
Alright, so if you’re chugging through life, filling your head with empowering thoughts, believing you’re a badass who’s capable of anything, including your capacity for self-love and your ability to roll with life’s punches, then you, my friend, are working with a growth mindset.
If, however, you tend to entertain more self-limiting beliefs, are more judgmental, pessimistic, and negative, then you, my dear, are stuck in a fixed mindset.
Your mindset is your attitude. It’s your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, ideologies, assumptions, and expectations. It’s also the first key to creating Self-Care Independence. (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)
The words you choose will determine whether you have a growth or fixed mindset. Your language will dictate how you view yourself. It will determine your worth, how able you are, and will form the way you see the world.
Don’t believe me? Let’s play around with some words.
Now, I’m going to take a simple phrase , and see how it makes us feel. Then I’m going to alter the language, and see what happens.
Let’s use the phrase:
“I wish I could.”
Now, the word wish implies a wanting or desire. It suggests that I believe I’m incapable. It sticks me in a place that’s unable to learn, evolve, or feel confident when faced with new challenges.
It does’t matter how the phrase is completed.
I wish I could moderate my sugar.
I wish I could drink more water.
I wish I could manage my time better.
I wish I could set better boundaries.
No matter what I plug in after my wishes, that’s all it will ever be…a wish. Not only that, but the word alone convinces my brain of its inability to follow through.
But what if instead of I wish I could, I said, something like I’m learning.
The word learning suggests a process. It allows for failure, curiosity, exploration, and fine tuning. It comes from a place of mindfulness and understanding. It’s more detached from the ego, and feels less judgmental.
I’m learning to moderate sugar.
I’m learning to drink more water.
I’m learning to manage my time.
I’m learning to establish boundaries.
And since the brain is a natural born problem solver, when I say I’m learning, it automatically leads me to the next step. It leaves the brain open for discovery and is better able to practice without the fear of failure, and without the need for perfection.
A wish? That’s just a damn door slammed in your face.
Anyway, once we’ve become comfortable with this more forgiving and flexible growth mindset, we can take each of these examples and level them up even more.
We can turn:
I’m learning to stay away from sugar into I’m able to moderate my sugar.
I’m learning to drink more water becomes I prioritize hydration.
I’m learning to manage my time transforms into I manage my time.
And, I’m learning to establish boundaries is now simply I have solid boundaries.
The latter of the two is more fixed, yes, but in a way that supports wellbeing. When we straight up declare something with regularity, eventually the brain’s like, “Hell, yeah! That’s who I am!”
But here’s my disclaimer…
There’s a trick to making any of this actually work.
You can’t just sit there and tell yourself I moderate my sugar intake while you’re pounding a box of cookies.
That’s not really how that works.
Creating an empowering growth mindset means you’ve gotta dig up some truths. You have to be honest with yourself about your actions and the thoughts and feelings that surround those actions.
Simply adding a shiny new slogan to your life won’t transform it. You have find the language that’s holding you back, and REPLACE it with something that will set you free.
Now, you might be wondering; what exactly IS the language that’s holding me back?
Well, here’s a hint. It sounds a lot like:
- I Can’t
- I Shouldn’t
- I’m Dumb
- That’s Dumb
- I’m Weak
- I’m Not Strong Enough
- It’s Too Hard
- I’m Stupid
- I’m Not Smart Enough
- I’m Not Supposed To
- I’ve Never
Ugh, just saying these words is bringing me down, man.
This shit is TOXIC. Even if you’re saying it in a jokey way, these words mean something to your subconscious. Truth be told, that was my default setting. I was the funny girl who had zero self-worth. So, most of my conversations were laced with self-deprecating humor. Beat ‘em to the punch line so they know that I know that I’m not any good.
Fuuuuck. Madness.
Anyway, the trick is to sniff out the moments when you use these words. What’s happening when you call on this language? How are you feeling? Like, physically AND emotionally? What’s going on in your body? What’s your heart trying to tell you? And then, at that very moment try swapping out that self-limiting garbage with something more fluffy and empowering and see what happens.
Here are some alternatives you can try:
- I Can’t into I’ll try
- I Shouldn’t into I Could
- I’m Dumb into I Can Learn
- That’s Dumb into I’m Unfamiliar With This
- I’m Weak into I’m Capable
- I’m Not Strong Enough into I’m Resilient
- It’s Too Hard into I Embrace Challenges
- I’m Stupid into I’m a Beginner
- I’m Not Smart Enough into I Can Learn
- I’m Not Supposed To into I Can Explore This
- I’ve Never into I Haven’t Yet
Now, switching the narrative takes practice. I remember when I started out on this mission to create a more empowered version of myself, I was all over the place!
I’d say something like, “ugh, I’m so stupid,” and then realize what I’d just said and scramble to say, “ no! I’m not stupid I just did a stupid thing.”
And yeah, I did do a stupid thing. And I’m 100% certain I’ll do MORE stupid things. But that’s ok, because humans do dumb shit all the time. But I am not stupid. I am a capable, smart, and compassionate person who is human and has flaws. We all do. And doesn’t knowing that kind of take the pressure off from having to be perfect?
So that brings me to the next point I want to make. Creating a growth mindset doesn’t mean you’re looking at life through rose colored glasses. It doesn’t mean your shit doesn’t stink, because bitch, all of our shit stinks. It does’t mean you’re wandering around blissfully ignoring your problems. No, my friend. We’ve got to circle back to that truth thing. The truth is, human beings are fallible creatures. We make mistakes, but we’re capable of learning from them. We get ourselves into predicaments, but we’re capable of getting out of them. We hurt people including ourselves, but we’re capable of love and compassion. Creating a growth mindset starts with accepting your baggage, but knowing you are capable of unpacking it, because, baby, you totally are.
If you’re into this whole growth mindset thing, you can sign up for my Newsletter and I’ll send you my FREE Mindset Makeover Kit. I’ll leave a link in the show notes and at my website: crystalmclaincreative.com
I love you.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much for being here.
I’ll see you soon.
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