The Divorce Chronicles Episode #8
The Often Overlooked Emotional Aspects of Divorce with guest Robin Tucker
Sometimes, we can get bogged down in the legal and financial aspects of the divorce process, but the emotional aspects of divorce are very real and very raw. Robin Tucker is a psychotherapist and parent coach who helps individuals and families manage the emotional trauma of divorce. She offers remote sessions, in-person sessions, and has her upcoming Divorce Recovery 1.0 support group.
We discuss the emotional state that people beginning the divorce process are in and some of the steps that they can take to recover emotionally. Robin talks about the different stages that people going through divorce go through and shares advice for moving on in a healthy way. She also talks about the importance of support and having people to talk to as opposed to being isolated and ruminating.
You can find Robin Tucker here:
Show Notes:
[01:51] Robin is a coach and a therapist. She works primarily with men and women who are navigating the divorce process. She also provides parent coaching for divorced parents. She also works with couples.
[02:18] Robin is located in Northwest Washington DC. She has in-person clients and she also works remotely with clients. She also runs groups in person.
[03:30] She works with couples who are just beginning to dissolve their marriage, and she also works with parents to help negotiate the divorce process, and how they envision their connection through the difficult process.
[05:31] When people first come into Robin's office they are usually shocked and kind of in a numb phase. The first thing she does is to take an assessment for safety.
[06:29] Then they begin processing the news of getting divorced and what that means for them.
[06:38] Most people go into automatic pilot. They show up, but they aren't really present.
[07:40] Clients are initially in survival mode. They are really just focusing on what they can do to get through the next day.
[08:29] Sometimes clients are fixated on their ex-partner and what happened. It takes time to process this experience and move forward.
[09:42] Once Robin finds out how the client is feeling and where they are in the process, she can sit down and delve into their feelings. She encourages clients to focus on what is more important for them.
[12:12] With couples they need to express how they are feeling without being defensive or feeling like they need to fix things.
[13:05] With domestic violence Robin's primary concern is making sure that they have a safe place to live. Do they need a restraining order? Is there something that needs to be put in place so they can function safely?
[14:28] Violence can escalate when a partner leaves a relationship, so Robin encourages victims to have a safe place where they aren't accessible. She also assesses whether to report to the police.
[15:22] She also works with attorneys and other mental health professionals. She is there to fully support her clients. She might work with older children but not younger children.
[16:34] The first stage clients often go through is denial. The next phase is to process the pain or the experience of abandonment.
[19:39] It's rare, but sometimes couples reconcile. It's human nature to remember the value of that which you are about to lose.
[21:39] Difficult aspects of the process include sharing custody, having to see a spouse that you have been hurt by, having to maintain civil contact, and pressure from extended family. Holidays are also challenging.
[23:27] There is light at the end of the tunnel thou