A podcast to educate and equip women with the information and confidence they need to express, experience and enjoy their sexuality. Cindy Scharkey RN, BSN, brings her 35+ years of experience as a healthcare professional to open the doors to healthy conversations about sex. This is a community where you can listen and learn to give yourself permission for pleasure. Visit www.cindyscharkey.com for educational blogs and newsletter.
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Foreplay should be all day! I like to think of foreplay as connection building activities rather than just a lead up to sex. Connection certainly doesn't start in the bedroom. Foreplay can be tender, playful, and erotic. In this quickie episode, I offer some specific ideas to intentionally use each of your senses to increase pleasure and get creative with connection. It is said that variety is the spice of life, so let's get curious, have fun, and get spicy!
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Welcome to Permission for Pleasure. I'm Cindy Sharky, your host. I'm delighted you're here for this quickie episode talking about foreplay and ideas for warming things up. But before we get started, I want to answer a couple questions that came in from the question box. They were follow-up questions from episode 31, where we talked about vibrators, edging, and anal sex. Here's the first one. Cindy, you said lube was a must with anal sex. Can you give me a recommendation? Yes, absolutely. You've heard me talk about Uber lube before. It is my favorite silicone lube. And it's a perfect one for exploring anal sex because it's long-lasting and it doesn't get absorbed into the tissues. Remember on that episode when we talked about the anus and the rectum, it does not self-lubricate. So you definitely want lube that's going to stay where you need it and not get absorbed. And that's what Uber lube does really well. It's really slippery without being sticky, and it is safe with condoms. So that would be my recommendation for anal sex. The second question kind of goes along with the same answer, which is Cindy, how can I get wet and stay wet enough to experiment with that edging you talked about? Lots of questions from that episode. And it's the same answer lube, lube, and more lube, which is what I say about a lot of things. But again, I really do like a silicone-based lube like Uber lube because it is longer lasting than other kinds of lubricant. And with Uber lube, a little goes a long way. And I will link to them in the show notes. They've offered a discount if you want to try it. You won't be sorry. You'll like it. So while you're there too, will you please rate the show? You just press the stars. One, two, three, four, five. If you enjoyed the show and want to help others find it, thanks so much for doing that. Now let's go on to foreplay ideas. Ideas for warming things up. Remember for women, arousal takes more than five minutes. So in this episode, I'm going to specifically talk about using your senses with intention to create arousal and desire. I may have sprinkled some of these ideas into other episodes here and there, but today I want to get specific and really list them all out in one episode. So you have lots of things to choose from. Remember the last quickie episode was Sex on the Brain? If you haven't listened to that one, you might want to check that one first because it talks about our sexual excitement system that uses our senses to scan around for sexually relevant stimuli or things that turn you on sexually. And then when you hear how your brain works with your senses, it will make a lot more sense when you hear these ideas that we talk about in this episode. So pause here and check that one out and then come on right back. Here are some very simple ideas to spark your thinking and get you started. Get curious. Just try one thing, one thing that brings a new element into your sex life. The idea is to activate your senses with intention, meaning on purpose. This is a good thing. And keep in mind, my friends, that sex doesn't have to be serious and precious all the time. It can be playful, fun, make you laugh, be silly. But it should be focusing on pleasure and having a good time. Let's start with the sense of sight, what you can see. If you're one of those who always has sex with the lights off, you might want to consider turning the lights on. If that feels like a little too much, then use candlelight and start there. This will allow you to see more when you're not in the dark. Perhaps keep some of your clothes on as a different visual, or keep one piece of clothing on. Something different like that with what your partner and you see. You can also use the idea of taking away one of your senses to heighten others. So in this case, it would be taking away your sense of sight. You could wear a blindfold, and when you do that, you tune in more to your other senses, what you're smelling, what you're feeling with touch, what you hear with sound. You could also dance for your partner and your partner dance for you. Watch each other dance. Maybe that's too a little bit out of your comfort zone, but you know, that could be a fun way for you to see each other. Let's move on to the sense of smell. For some people, clean is your favorite sense of smell. And if that's you and you have a sensitive sniffer, then don't tiptoe around that. Tell your partner, I love the scent of soap or shampoo or whatever it is that has that clean scent. A lot of people feel that way. Another idea might be candles that have a scent or aromatherapy. Some options to consider that some people have looked into and done a little research on would be sandalwood, jasmine, peppermint, lavender, pumpkin for men, almond for women, vanilla, licorice, cinnamon, basil, citrus. The sky is really the limit here with scent. But find something that you enjoy or your partner enjoys or you enjoy together. You could try a scented lube or a scented body massage oil, a scented massage candle. I really like Maud's massage candles. I'll drop a link to that in the show notes if you want to check them out. Use your sense of smell to heighten your arousal. Let's talk about taste. Maybe share a mint back and forth as you kiss, or chocolate. Also, there is edible lube and edible massage oil. You could cook together, taste together, feed each other. You could have a whole date of just enjoying, really enjoying a sensual experience with food and each other. You could create and enjoy a feast of fruit on your partner's body or your own. Get creative and think of something fun to do with your taste. Now, how about your sense of hearing? I talked about creating a sexy playlist in episode 22. This is choosing songs or rhythms, things that feel erotic to you, or words that resonate for you or your partner. And you can make the list together. Make it a whole date night where you pick the songs. Or maybe you and your partner have a song or two that are your sexy songs together. And when you hear the song, let your mind engage with the song and sexual thoughts of your partner. Perhaps send the song to your lover and tell them you're thinking about them. This is foreplay. It doesn't start in the bedroom. Maybe you prefer ocean waves or raindrops or use a sound machine. Find a sound that feels romantic and sensual to you. Another thing about your hearing is what you communicate with your body and voice. I talk about this in a blog specifically about making noise and some research behind it, but I find that a lot of women especially feel they need to be quiet, that they can't express their pleasure with sound, whatever sound their body wants to make. This is an area to explore. Maybe you want to moan and groan more, maybe you want to laugh or giggle, maybe you want to sing. I don't know. But have you allowed yourself to make the noises that you feel inside your body? I'll drop that link in the show notes if you want to check out the blog. We're going to move on to what you imagine. One way to use your imagination is to remind your partner of pleasurable and hot sex you've had together. Share the details, a sexy foreplay, or bring to mind memories of passionate sexual encounters you've had with your partner. And these can be sort of erotic keepsakes that you have open and replay in your mind or even talk about. Perhaps you want to just acknowledge the fantasies you have in your own mind. Most people do have fantasies. That is normal. They may not all share their fantasies with their partner, but most people do have fantasies. But perhaps you want to take the step of sharing fantasies with each other or acting out fantasies with each other. It's a way to explore what you're imagining. Let's talk about touch. Most people always think about touch when it comes to sex. But I think what happens is we get ourselves sort of thinking about touching a box, just about the genitals. Think about your whole body as an erogenous zone. Because truly it is. What would feel sensual to different parts of your body? Maybe you want to massage each other with massage oil or a massage candle and just explore different parts of each other's body and see how it feels. Maybe you like a lighter touch. Maybe you want to touch a touch your partner, have them touch you through a scarf or through a silky fabric and see how that feels. Or just drawing scars or fabric along your partner's body. Or feathers. And maybe you're not a light touch person. Maybe you want to be squeezed or scratched or pinched. There's no right or wrong. It's what you enjoy. You can also use temperature, like ice cubes or heat, just to create a different sensation with temperature. Many people really like that. Just get curious. Experiment. Have fun. Pick maybe one thing that you heard today that you thought, hmm, that sounds interesting. Or I could do that. That's not that hard. And then talk about it with your partner and see if they're open, open to bringing something like this into your sexual, sensual experience together. It's been a long time actually since I offered a pleasure practice. And I want to wrap up with a very short one-liner today. But before that, I want to thank Uber Lube. My friends there sponsored this episode of the podcast, and they are so generous with providing samples to medical professionals so that I can tell so many people about lube. So many people that don't know about lube and the benefits of lube. And I only really tell you all about products that I think are quality and are something that I would use myself. So thanks to Uberlube today. Now let's wrap up with this one liner I was talking about. I keep saying it out loud to myself. It's from Fritz Pearls of the Gestalt Therapy, and he said, lose your mind and come to your senses. Lose your mind and come to your senses. I think when we engage our senses with intention, it's a way to give ourselves permission for pleasure.
