A podcast to educate and equip women with the information and confidence they need to express, experience and enjoy their sexuality. Cindy Scharkey RN, BSN, brings her 35+ years of experience as a healthcare professional to open the doors to healthy conversations about sex. This is a community where you can listen and learn to give yourself permission for pleasure. Visit www.cindyscharkey.com for educational blogs and newsletter.
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Oral sex is a highly reliable path to orgasm for women. This episode talks about creating anticipation, building arousal toward crescendo and specific tongue techniques to stimulate the clitoris and vulva. Also hear tips on positioning, when to add variety, and when to stick with consistency. Learn the signs of approaching orgasm, to help your partner go over the edge with pleasure.
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Hello everyone and welcome to Permission for Pleasure. I'm Cindy Sharkey, your host, and I'm delighted you're listening. How are you all feeling about the podcast? I'm always interested in your feedback and topic requests, and you can let me know on my website podcast page through the question box what you want to hear more about. And if you are learning alongside me here and would like to support my work, would you take less than one minute to rate this show on your listening platform? Literally, you just tap the stars and let me know that you're a listener and you love the show. We are talking about oral sex for her in this episode. I know oral is a favorite for many women, as it's a highly reliable route to orgasm. I also know there are people who don't enjoy it. There are people who like to give but not receive oral, and there are people who like to receive but not give. It runs the gamut for sure. My hope is that this episode opens the doors to conversations about oral for yourself and in your relationship. Before we jump into some tips, do's and don'ts, and a few specific techniques, I want to introduce you to our episode sponsor, Loveability. They're a personal pleasure brand that helps everybody to explore with products designed by women, with women in mind. Specifically, I want to tell you about their TikTok famous water slide, a body safe and echo-friendly sex toy that turns your bath into your favorite pleasure zone. I was super curious about this product as a hands-free option, and I reached out to them to check it out. The water slide is a revolutionary patented water diverter. It easily attaches to a bathtub faucet to deliver a hypnotic flow of water to the midline of the tub, right where it counts. Many people use a shower head for pleasure. Well, this is a seriously unique advancement on that technique. I haven't seen anything quite like it out there. I was delighted to find a hands-free pleasure tool to introduce you to. Try the water slide or the many products at Loveability using my discount code Cindy at the link in the show notes. Now, let's talk about oral for her or Cunilingus. Do's, don'ts, tips for both the giver and the receiver. Technique Yes, it's super important. And so are many other factors. Number one is enthusiasm matters. Express that you enjoy giving oral to your partner. Use your words, your sound, your voice, your body. An enthusiastic partner is a turn on. On the flip side, enthusiasm and feedback from the receiver is delightful too. Say what you like, verbalize your pleasure, make some noise. I have a whole blog on making noise and how that can increase your pleasure, and I'll link to that in the show notes. The next factor I want to bring up is something that won't be a surprise to this community, because I talk about it a lot, and that's communication. Ask your partner how they like to be pleasured. Tell your partner how you like to be pleasured. Ask for what you want. Ask for feedback when you are the one pleasuring, and then listen and try to put it into practice. Sometimes it needs to be during sex, sometimes before or afterward, and most often when you aren't in the middle of having sex. We cannot read each other's minds. And when we try to do that, more often than not it leads to unmet expectations, misunderstandings, and disappointment. Communication makes sex better. Talk about sex. I have so many resources for you on this, and I'll link to some of those so you can check them out if you're new here. Communication is not once, but regularly. I often hear from people who say their partner does the same thing every time and it doesn't feel great. Or they do something that worked before, doesn't feel as good now, and they don't speak up. You know, make it simple. Hey babe, my body is changing, and I'd like to try something a little different with oral. Then get specific with one thing. Give ideas and talk together about things to try or do. Talking about sex is what can make sex extraordinary. Alright, another do is do use fingers and hands. Even though it's called oral, it doesn't mean you only use your mouth and tongue. You can use your fingers and hands to caress other parts of the body at the same time your mouth is busy. Make it a combination of both. Now a word on positions. Do give the giver and the receiver comfortable positioning. Being in the wrong position to give, it could be seriously inhibiting. And being in the wrong position to receive, that can be seriously inhibiting as well. This can't be glossed over. You want to create an environment that works for both partners. And listen, positions that increase arousal and ad variety are fun and can be erotic, yet they may not always lend themselves to orgasm, especially for her. Specifically, positions like 609ing, sitting on my face, or up against a wall. These are what you may often see in media and porn, and they may be fun and ad variety, but they're not often the positions women would choose to be comfortable and able to relax into sensations. So get curious. Use different kinds of positions, see what works for you, what doesn't, what's fun, what isn't. And I did get questions that came in about what's the best position for a woman's pleasure with oral. And the truth of the matter is each and every woman and her body is unique. So favored positions can differ from woman to woman and in the same woman in different stages of her life. Positions is an ongoing conversation. And hey, don't forget, you can pivot, you can pivot within the same sexual encounter from position to position. You don't have to start and finish in one position. Also, trying oral in different kinds of positions does allow your body not to become accustomed to just one way to experience pleasure. Let's go on to another big do in the do's and don'ts. Do build toward a crescendo, gradually increasing stimulation and arousal. Don't just go in for the kill, so to speak, or straight for the clitoris. Always remember that the vulva has delicate and sensitive tissues. Start slow, let things ignite. One of the biggest complaints I hear from women that I meet with is they feel rushed by a partner, or they feel like they're quote taking too long and they give up. Feeling pressured with a clock is never a good route to pleasure. For the majority of women, arousal leading to orgasm takes more than five minutes. More like 12 to 20 or more minutes of arousal is needed to reach orgasm with a partner. So plan accordingly. Plan as a giver and as a receiver. And you heard me talk about the water slide in the intro. It's a fabulous way, not only to get aroused, but also clean and ready to enjoy oral to the fullest. This tool can increase arousal in all the right places. Even before moving to genitals, build anticipation and arousal of her whole body and mind. This is key when it comes to oral sex for women. And you've heard me say it before, and I'll remind you again, lubrication is an absolute must for delicate genital tissues. You need to add that moisture from your tongue, your mouth, saliva to make sure things are comfortable. You can also experiment with edible lube and adding that in. And do use variety. When I say variety, I mean things like a feather light touch, firmer touch, teasing licks, wet kisses, shallow sucks, humming, heavy breathing, maybe hum to create vibration, or add a vibrator to add that kind of stimulation. Another idea is to try temperature play, hot and cold for variety. Sip on a warm drink before oral or a cold drink before oral. That can change up the temp, even a piece of ice in your mouth. Always talk ahead and get consent so that variety can create erotic energy and fun. I have a new blog on the website on ideas for temperature play, and I'll link to that in the show notes. Not just for oral, but for other ideas for getting hot and cold together. Another idea is to try eye contact during oral. You know, see if that's a turn on for you. Perhaps even use a mirror to watch. That's fun for a lot of people, and if that's not your thing, then shut your eyes, maybe as the receiver, and see if it helps you stay more present with the sensations. And do use your words as invitation prompts. For example, you look like dessert, I'd like to see how you taste, or I'm hungry for you. Let your partner know you enjoy giving oral. And again, enthusiasm. It is a turn-on. Here's one don't. Don't use teeth unless noted as okay by your partner. In other words, no biting unless talked about and consented to ahead of time. Genitals are delicate parts. Think nibble and graze, not devour and bite, unless that's requested and consented to. When it comes to Cunilingus, if you don't know where the clitoris is, this is always your first step. Also, the clitoris has a hood or a protective covering, and that's important to know. You can read my blogs about the woman's key to pleasure, the clitoral hood, episodes about the clitoris. I'll link to all that in the show notes, but definitely this is your first step as a giver, knowing about the clitoris. The clitoris is a woman's key to pleasure. But like I said before, you don't want to jump right to the glands clitoris. You want to lick and suck and touch everywhere but the glands clitoris, stimulating other sensitive areas of the vulva initially and only occasionally giving the glands attention as you build arousal. Think of it as teasing. You're creating an environment of anticipation. You can also stimulate the glands clitoris indirectly through stimulation to the clitoral hood, which is that fold of skin that protects it. You can try circling the hood, tapping the hood with your tongue, gliding your tongue or finger over it. This provides gentle nudges to the glands. Again, I have a whole blog on that, and you can read more specifics about the hood and how to stimulate it at the link in the show notes. A couple specific techniques. Let's talk about that. Number one, try the ice cream lick from bottom to top. Start at the base of her vaginal opening and work your way up. Another is to try a flat tongue technique. Resting your tongue flat against the length of the entrance to the vagina. You can also try circling the whole vulva with your tongue, using gentle swipes across the clitoris as you pass. It's also fun to experiment with different positions of the giver, which creates different sensations for the receiver. You can also experiment with gentle sucking, puckering your lips, pulses, or tapping with the tip of your tongue. You're creating different rhythms with your tongue and lips. And mixing things up can create excitement and really good arousal. Something else to try too is incorporating stillness or pausing with movement. A balance there. It doesn't have to be constant movement every second. Some women like a lot of consistency. Some like variations of rhythm. Some like it all. You want to ask your partner, what do you like? Here's an idea. Next time you're walking around the block together, say I tried using my tongue differently when we had oral sex. Did you notice? Was it enjoyable? Did you like it? Give feedback to each other and have fun talking about it. Again, communication is a friend to having good sex. When a woman is good and aroused, you can also play with incorporating penetration if she enjoys that. Using a finger or two or a toy, not to probe and prod, but to add firm pressure where she likes it, often on the upper wall of the vagina or at the base of the vaginal opening, or another place that she indicates is the spot she enjoys pressure. Moving down from the vaginal opening is the perineum. This is the area between the vagina and the anus, and it's a sensitive area for many people and can be stimulated for pleasure. The outer edges of the anus below that is another sensitive area that can be a pleasure point for some. My last tip about oral has to do with orgasm. The few minutes or seconds right before an orgasm are a time when many women desire consistency. What I mean by that is keep doing what you're doing. Do not stop, do not change things up. Women often describe the time right before orgasm as a bit fragile. Their biggest complaint to me is that during oral they'll get really close to orgasm and then their partner changes what they're doing. More often than not, this reverses going over the edge and it actually brings them back down and then they have to build up again. Staying consistent right in those moments before orgasm with the technique you're using, with the rhythm you're doing, that's important. Knowing the signs of approaching orgasm of your partner is super helpful. Be an attentive partner and pay attention to her individual signs of approaching orgasm and keep the stimulation consistent as she goes over the edge. Look for these signs that she's getting closer to help you get more familiar with what you're paying attention to. Increased pace breathing, rise in body temperature and heart rate, muscle tension and tightening of the abdominal muscles, pelvic floor muscles, and a throbbing sensation of the pelvic area. Orgasms are amazing and also don't have to be the only goal. Focus on pleasure. For those wanting to learn even more specifics and a step-by-step guided tour of Cunolingus, check out Ian Kerner's book that's been around a long time called She Comes First. I have a book review on it in the show notes. And also, if you are looking for more tips about male pleasure, I hope you'll check out the couple episodes I have with Cam Frasier, Sex Coach to Men in Australia, and listen to those. All about erections, ejaculation, orgasms, and pleasure for men. Don't forget our episode sponsor, Loveability, and their revolutionary water slide. And that's not all, they have so many other great products in their shop. Again, use code Cindy for a 10% discount at the link in the show notes, or just head to lovabilityinc.com. As we wrap up, I'll leave you with this quote from intimacy coach Maureen Pollock and the inventor of the water slide. Some of the best oral sessions are when women are aroused and completely uninhibited. Cheers to that. Cheers to giving yourself permission for completely uninhibited arousal and permission for pleasure.
