Lube Lube Lube

What have you heard about sex and lube? That lube is just for “old ladies?” That “getting wet” is the indicator of arousal and desire? This quickie episode covers the facts about lubrication, female arousal, types of lube and recommendations to try. Learn why couples say adding lube into their sex life is a “Game Changer!”


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Transcript

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When women have comprehensive education about sex, their self-confidence is source. And when that happens, women can truly express, experience, and enjoy their sexuality. They give themselves permission for pleasure. Welcome to Permission for Pleasure. I'm Cindy Sharke, your host, and I'm so glad you're listening and learning alongside me here in this podcast community. Even though we don't see each other, I do care about each of you listening. And I just want to thank you for joining me in this episode today. If you would like more education, articles, blogs, things to read or consider, I want to invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I send it out once a month, and you can just uh sign up for that over on the website. There's a link in the show notes. Let's start off the show with a question from the question box. Should I douche or what products should I use to clean my vagina? I'm so glad you asked this question. Because the vagina is self-cleaning. This means it cleans itself. It doesn't need any product, any cleansers, any washes, any scented this or that. None of it. Your vagina has its own scent and odor, and it's best for you to know what your own normal is and get comfortable with it. Using products like douches or anything else for that matter can disrupt the normal and healthy environment and good bacteria in your vagina. Now, as far as your vulva, your external genitalia, all that's needed there is just to wash gently with mild, unscented soap and water. That's all you need. So next time when you see or hear an ad for products designed to clean or freshen your vagina or vulva, please pause and pretend you can hear me in your ear, like you do now, saying your vagina and vulva are perfectly fine, just the way they are. Thanks for sending in your questions. I love when you send in questions. So if you want to send in one, you can find the question box on the podcast page at cindysharky.com. Now let's jump into today's topic, which is really one of the most misunderstood parts of a female arousal process, and that is lubrication. This episode is all about lube. So pause for a moment and imagine with me going down a water slide without enough water. It's not comfortable and it's not fun. You need that water to cut down on friction between it and your bum. Lubrication with sex is a lot like that. So whatever you've heard or believed about women, sex, and lubrication, perhaps maybe we should throw that out the window and start fresh with some basics. Number one, sex involves bodies, touch, lots of movement, and this all means friction. So when there's too much friction, it can cause discomfort, micro-tears of the skin, and pain. Adequate lubrication reduces the friction. And reducing friction can increase pleasure. This means that adding a personal lubricant to your sex life is not just for when your body needs more to avoid discomfort, it can also make the sex you're having longer lasting and more enjoyable. It can be an enhancement of your sexual activity. Number two, the cultural myth that women getting wet is the indicator that she is turned on and aroused is simply not clinically based. Best indicator to determine if a woman is aroused is by listening to her words and reading her body language. A lack of lubrication does not necessarily indicate a lack of arousal or a decreased desire for sex. Let me say that again. A lack of lubrication does not necessarily indicate a lack of arousal or a decreased desire for sex. This is so important for you to know and your partner to understand. Number three, lubrication is part of the sexual response cycle. All women are different, and most women typically require between 12 and 20 minutes or more of warming up activities, of foreplay to reach full arousal. Remember again, lubrication is part of the arousal process. The amount of lubrication a woman produces during arousal can vary from day to day, month to month, even by partner, and women naturally lubricate in varying amounts. This is normal. There are many reasons why a woman of any age might not produce sufficient vaginal lubrication to allow for pleasurable penetrative sex. So, this idea that experiencing times of vaginal dryness is an old lady issue or an arousal issue is simply not true. Varying or lesser amounts of lubrication that they might occur on and off in a woman's life, and it may be also just the nature of the way your individual body works all the time. This is normal. Let's review before we move on. Too much friction and not enough lube can cause pain. Adequate arousal time can possibly affect lubrication, and lubrication is not the indicator of arousal for all women. Also, lubrication typically varies from woman to woman and in degrees within the same woman. Let's move on and talk about hormones and other things that affect lubrication. So you may be familiar with the idea that hormonal shifts are a common cause of lubrication changes. But other things can affect lubrication as well. Things like stress or alcohol or medication side effects, dehydration, skin irritation. Quite a few things. I always recommend that you seek care from a healthcare provider if you experience changes that seem odd or persistent or cause discomfort. But hormonal shifts and changes, remember, do occur throughout our lifetime. And this might be the most significant factor affecting lubrication for a lot of women. It's not unusual to experience times of decreased lubrication or increased dryness while breastfeeding, after birthing a baby, and for some during pregnancy. And women naturally experience a decline in estrogen as they get older, especially as they go through menopause, and it is a well-documented fact that menopausal changes and aging can result in vaginal dryness and lack of lubrication. The sad truth though is that this information doesn't seem to be routinely communicated to women in all these different life stages. So after you listen to this episode, please tell a friend or two that it is normal to use extra lubrication at various stages of life, even if you've never tried it before, felt the desire for it before, or even needed it before. This is a conversation to revisit often. I do want to give a couple notes about condoms and lube and anal play and lube. Here's the deal with lube and condoms. Lube decreases friction, that can cause the discomfort, and also reduces condom breakage. So you can put a few drops of lube inside the tip of a condom or on the penis before putting it on. And then once the condom is rolled onto the penis, you can put lube on the outside of the condom as well. Just make sure when you're choosing a lube that it's compatible with the type of condoms you regularly use. A general rule for latex condoms is to use a silicone or water-based lube only. Oil-based lubes can cause condoms to break. Now let's talk about anal play. A good lubricant is essential for anal play or anal sex. The anus does not self-lubricate, and penetration of any kind without adequate lubrication can result in tissue trauma and pain. Again, the anus does not self-lubricate. Now let's get into the various types of lube available. It might be a good idea to try a few different types and determine what works best for you and your partner. And here's a nurse tip. I highly recommend you test out a new lube on skin other than your vulva or vagina first. So you want to determine if there's any sensitivity with your own skin. So try the underside of your arm, that works well, or the inside of your thigh and just dab a little there. Wait a day, see if you tolerate it without any irritation. With any lubes, check the labels, and always the fewer ingredients the better. The basic categories are silicone, water-based, and oil-based. So let's first talk about silicone. Silicone lube is generally well tolerated, it's non-irritating, it's pretty unlikely to cause allergic reactions. It is safe to use with condoms, and a little goes a long way. People describe silicone lube as slippery, not runny, and that it stays where you put it. It lasts long and it doesn't evaporate. My favorite silicone lube is Uber lube, it feels really natural, it doesn't get tacky or sticky, and it leaves a soft, moisturized feel. Water based lube is another category. It is easy cleanup, safe with latex condom, safe with silicone toys. It does dry up more quickly, and you do want to check ingredients. Okay. A suggestion for water-based would be coconut or slickwood products or good clean love almost naked. Lastly, oil-based lube. Oil-based is really good for skin to skin. It's uh got that thicker texture, and people love it for sensual massage. You do have to be careful with ingredients because it can cause irritation or infection in some women, and definitely not safe with latex condoms. I mentioned that before. Coconut makes a really nice oil-based lube. There are many more options. So there's hybrid lubes, a mix of water and silicone. There are lubes infused with CBD or hemp. There's edible and flavored lubes. The list goes on and on. So if you're listening and thinking, okay, this is a lot of information, especially if lube is new to you. Perhaps you want to save this episode in your podcast library and come back to it when you want to revisit the information. But for right now, let me just tell you two things. One is lube is your friend. I can't tell you the amount of women and couples that I've introduced lube to that have circled back to me and said these two words. Game changer. Maybe that's all you need to hear. On that note, I want to thank our sponsor, Uberlube. I've already told you it's my favorite silicone lube. It is scentless, tasteless, and non-staining. And it comes in this lovely glass bottle with a metered pump. And they're offering my community 15% off your order with code Cindy. If you want to give it a try, the link is in the show notes. Now, on to a little pleasure practice. A woman from our community here shared an NPR post with me recently, and it goes along so perfectly with what we're talking about pursuing and noticing pleasure. And let me share it with you. The new science of emotions tells us that small regular doses of delight can make a real difference in shifting our mood. Little joys like starting a new garden can help pull our focus away from internal worries and give more opportunity for positive emotions to arise. I like that. And I agree. Let's keep intentionally pursuing regular doses of delight as we press on in giving ourselves permission for pleasure.