Permission for Pleasure
A podcast to educate and equip women with the information and confidence they need to express, experience and enjoy their sexuality. Cindy Scharkey RN, BSN, brings her 35+ years of experience as a healthcare professional to open the doors to healthy conversations about sex. This is a community where you can listen and learn to give yourself permission for pleasure. Visit www.cindyscharkey.com for educational blogs and newsletter.
Permission for Pleasure
Connecting With Our Bodies and Nervous Systems for More Pleasurable Sex
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Our nervous systems play a critical role in connection and the sensory experience of sex. Aurora Allen, a somatic experiencing practitioner and nervous system educator shares practical steps to connect our bodies and nervous systems for more satisfying sex.
Learn more about Aurora Allen
More on this topic:
Dating Your Body with Aurora
Learning to Listen to Your Body
Permission to Grieve
Reconnecting to Yourself and to Your Body
ORDER my Book: Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
JOIN my Newsletter: Good Education for Good Sex
FOLLOW on Instagram @cindyscharkey
VISIT my website and blog
When you get in touch with that ability to really feel into your experience, especially when it comes to sex, you don't need to overthink, do I like this, do I not? Because your body will tell you, and I promise you, you will know.
SPEAKER_00Hello, everyone, welcome to Permission for Pleasure. I'm Cindy Sharkey, your host. I'm delighted you're here for this episode with somatic experiencing practitioner Aurora Allen. I have learned from her for several years now, and I was anxious to share her again with you. She was on the podcast early on when I started this probably three years ago, and we've continued to stay in touch. As we were speaking before I press record, I told her I should have brought Kleenex, and I didn't. And I do get emotional in this episode about our bodies, as my grief is so deep and so present, and what I'm living in. I'm gonna continue to share it with you because it's my every breath. I hope this episode serves you and that you can take something away to bring your own freedom in your body. I also am excited to tell you that my book is printing these days as we speak, and you can pre-order it at the link in the show notes. I would be so delighted to get it into your hands. We talk about it a little bit in this episode, and you'll be hearing more soon. But it is my life's work offering to you, and I hope you'll join me in reading it and sitting with it and going on a journey, a journey of your own sexual wellness, along with me in the book. But let's get back to the show and let me introduce you to Aurora, and thanks again for joining me today. Aurora, welcome to Permission for Pleasure.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. It's so good to be with you today.
SPEAKER_00It's wonderful to have you back on the show. You and I have been connected for quite a few years over the internet and socials and in person. I've learned from you for quite a few years. I'm delighted to have you back on the show. Our last episode I titled Dating Your Body.
SPEAKER_01That's so fun. I need to go back and listen to that.
SPEAKER_00It was several years, three years ago, actually. Yeah, it was a different time. Episode 17, and I'll link to that in the show notes for people to get to know you more. But you shared some simple practices in that episode about being grounded and connected and embodied, which I have put into practice and continue to do so. As I've evolved in my own journey with my own body, I've shared more and more with my community, and so many of them keep asking for more. So I was delighted that you agreed to come back on the show because you were one of my first teachers in this area. And you know, I just I really respect the work you're doing and the person you are. So, would you share with people who didn't hear you three years ago just a little snippet about you and your work in the world?
SPEAKER_01It's so interesting because while a title may stay the same, what I offer in my work and what I do sitting with people has evolved, right? Three years ago, I was different, you were different, we held different experiences, and today I am a somatic coach. I work with people mostly virtually right now, but I am hopeful to have an in-person space in the next who knows when. But I work with people on finding connection and safe spaces in their bodies where that connection has been lost, or there has been a history where there hasn't been safety in the body. That includes trauma healing, it includes just the reality that we're living in is that we are overtaxed, our nervous systems are exhausted from what we've been through, especially in the last three to five years as a people, as a human race. And so I love to sit with people and create a container where the body over time can learn what safety feels like and express itself to bring about a return to homeostasis, our natural rhythm that we are created with, that we do house in us somewhere. And then I also teach yoga and meditation, and I love those modalities for myself. I love offering them to my community here in the Austin area.
SPEAKER_00And that is my current role in life professionally, yes, and you have four littles, right?
SPEAKER_01I do, yes, yeah. They span from ages two to eleven right now, and it is an incredible gift, and they teach me so much every day.
SPEAKER_00Little teachers in your life, yes, yeah. Well, I think that a lot of people may be unfamiliar with the language you're using there.
SPEAKER_01Um thank you for sharing that.
SPEAKER_00Well, because every time I do an episode about embodiment or listening to our bodies, so many people listen, and so many people say, I have never heard what you're talking about is new to me. I'll do a workshop around listening to your body, and most of the time people will say, I've never heard this before.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so let me clarify: somatic, the word somatic simply means of the body. Okay. And so we are getting curious together when we meet about what is happening in our bodies, what are the ways in which it talks to us, which is primarily through the language of sensation. And so it's learning to listen to the sensations of our bodies and respond in a way that supports our nervous system. So I'm also a nervous system educator. I sit with people and I share about what the nervous system is, what its role is in our lives, the basic ways that it functions, because it can get really complex. And yet I only offer as much information as is needed for someone to get to the place where they're feeling into their own experience. So the modality I use is called somatic experiencing, right? So somatic of the body, experiencing is in real time, we are having an experience. Right now, you and I are having an experience, and so we get to get curious about what our body is saying about that experience. And so I hope that that helps clarify a little bit about what I've named that I do with folks. But ultimately, it's a getting to know the body and the nervous system's response and learning how to listen and respond.
SPEAKER_00And what I'm sitting here thinking is this piece to how we live and experience and be in our bodies and with our nervous system is so elemental in our sexual lives.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00And I think people don't, well, I know, I know that people don't frame their sexual experiences in this way often. And yet what I have found is that this piece of sensations and being in our bodies and understanding our nervous system is what can take our sexual experiences to a completely different level.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. And I think what you're naming is so important because a lot of folks who are having trouble not just engaging in sex, but getting to a place where sex becomes pleasurable, where they're able to have an experience of orgasm. It comes with the ability to quiet down the prefrontal cortex and lean back into the felt sense of their bodily experience and become open to the sensations that are pleasurable.
SPEAKER_00Okay, let's say that again.
SPEAKER_01So we live in this culture that is go, go, go, and um, most of my clients come in struggling with symptoms of anxiety, which is a sympathetic response. So that's one part of our nervous system, we can get into that later. But ultimately, it's the mind is going a million miles a minute. And those thoughts that are happening, they happen in your pre-frontal cortex, that like the forefront of your brain, right behind your forehead, right? And when that mind chatter is going on, we're missing all the signals and sensations that are happening in the other areas of our brain, especially in our hind brain, where our brain is most connected to our bodily sensory experience. It's like you want to turn down the volume of your prefrontal cortex so that you can turn up the volume of the sensory brain and the sensory experience, which then opens us up. And I'm getting chills as I'm talking about. I'm getting chills watching you because it opens us up to this pleasure center of like, wow, what does that feel like? And ooh, is I like that. And okay, yes, more of that. And it it also is when we're connected with that, it's it's very easy to determine what our yeses and our no's are.
SPEAKER_00Tell me more.
SPEAKER_01So when we're leaning back into that wisdom of our sensory side of our brain, it's very clear without having to say anything, to our bodies are gonna respond with sensory experiences that are a yes or no. And your yeses and no's are gonna be different than mine. So while I'd love to give you the formula, it's your formula, and so it's about experiencing again, and ultimately the way to get to that experiencing is going to be a road that is is very unique and individualized, and yet the point being that when you get in touch with that ability to really feel into your experience, especially when it comes to sex, you don't need to overthink, do I like this, do I not? Because your body will tell you, and I promise you, you will know.
SPEAKER_00Your body will tell you, and you will know. Woo! You know, because we cannot focus on all these distracting thoughts and anxiety-producing thoughts and experiences at the same time we want to attend to touch and sensation. It's almost, don't you think, that we cannot do both? It's difficult to do both.
SPEAKER_01I would agree. And so for someone just beginning to get in touch with their body, I would say, yeah, it's not really possible. Now, maybe it is for people who have been doing this for a long time, and you know, however, if you're just touching into what does my body feel in this moment, to bring the attention, and that's ultimately a big part of it, is you bring your prefrontal cortex to the sensations of the body, and then over time and experience, and as you become more skilled at that, then there's more allowance, and the body starts to become more alivened. And so then naturally you'll have this experience of, oh, I've done this, oh, I know this. And when you know it and you see that you're actually safe in this feeling space, you'll naturally be able to start to trust that process and it will happen more organically over time. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_00Yes, that's a good point to bring up because these kinds of practices and things that we're talking about and gonna talk about, if it's new to me, right? It's like anything else. Everyone always says, like, Cindy, can't you we just flip a switch and you know, I wish it was so, but it really isn't, is it? It it is something that we practice, and you're saying this big word, which is you know, is safety. We've talked about that in previous episodes on the show. It's allowing ourselves to work through some of these things with ups and downs. Yes, I mean, there'll be times, right? I know in my own life where like I was like, this is not working, like I this is not clicking, right? And then other times where you go, ah wait, there it is, you know. Yes, and it takes that doing, it takes the doing and the practicing of it to get to what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely, and it is a slow process, and we don't like going slow in our culture, the way that we've been conditioned to live this modern lifestyle, it is hard for us to slow down and to be new at something. Um, this is something I talk a lot about with my clients is how uncomfortable it is to be new at something and to just be kind of a baby in this way. Um, and yet whoever said that we're not allowed to be new and we're not allowed to learn something new. And one of my favorite things I ever heard around this idea and this topic is the permission to get to be a seed. Like this is new. You're you're just a little seed right now. And what does a seed need? It needs time, it needs nourishment, it needs water and sunlight. And then when it's ready, all by itself, it sprouts. You can talk to it, you can encourage it for sure, but you're not making that sprout come out until nature says it's time, right? And so let yourself be a seed, and the practice of connecting with your body and trying on some practices or little things that you can do to connect with your body, the seed might not sprout right away. But if we keep showing up and just offering this nourishment and this container and this, I guess, space for possibility, then all by itself, out of you will come this sprout. And if you keep watering it and nourishing it, I mean sometimes those sprouts grow into miraculous, big, beautiful plants, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I cannot help but just I have the chills in my legs because my book is coming out soon, Aurora, and it's called Permission for Pleasure. But the subtitle is Tending Your Sexual Garden. Oh, I love that title, and because your language around this is exactly the link, some of the language I use in the book because I do really feel like our sexuality is a garden. And I'm thinking about the the weeds and the detriments to the growing and nourishing and letting sunlight in and water the weeds and rocks and other things, and that's so much of what I talk about in the book is learning what those are, yes, and then how do we pull them out or release them or move them or dig them up because it will allow space right for what you're talking about so that you can blossom and bloom, and it's possible at any age, yes, any age. So if you're listening and thinking, well, it's too late for me. Oh, it is not, it is not, it is not, and again, like I have the goosebumps because I've experienced this myself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just want it for every person. Yes, yes, and I feel your energy is so authentic right here, right now, around this topic. And I I share that with you in a very deep way, and the garden as metaphor is so powerful for me because I learned so much in my own literal garden, and so I actually would offer that as a somatic practice, a way to be with your body if it doesn't feel comfortable or safe yet to do the internal paying attention. Because for some of us, it's like, okay, yeah, no, I don't feel safe in my body, I don't feel safe enough to even sit with my sensations. So to go out and put your hands in the earth and watch and witness the cycles of life that happen in a garden because you're getting the growth, but then it's so important to see the full cycle of life and be willing to dig up those roots after you've formed connection with these plants and their life cycle is done. And you say goodbye and you pull it up, and then you cultivate the soil again. And all that whole process is so connected to our life cycle and our willingness to move through our life cycle. That if it's not accessible to do inside of yourself, put it outside of your body and let your body be part of this new process in learning until the body is ready to say, okay, maybe I can actually look at this within myself. Maybe I can actually relate to this little sprout now. I've spent enough time here and witnessed this enough. I see myself in it, and now I'm ready to start looking within and noticing what I feel when I cultivate the earth.
SPEAKER_00Well, you and I are both gardeners, so we resonate with this. And some of you listening, but maybe don't. I totally understand that, but I think this metaphor, you can take it in different directions if it doesn't resonate for you with gardening. I guess what I want to encourage people with is that you know, we ebb and flow, we evolve. So I'm gonna bring it back to our sexuality because so does our sexuality. And so as I think of people listening, you know, this is like a whole chapter in my book about we think things are gonna stay the same. However, we don't stay the same, our bodies don't stay the same. If we're partnered, our partner doesn't stay the same, their bodies don't stay, you know, things we change and evolve, and it is the way of life. Yes, and yet we buck up against that and don't recognize that peace, thinking things will always be one way or that we're not going to shift and change. And that really can wreak havoc on all of us, certainly our sexual lives, also how we see and treat and talk to our bodies.
SPEAKER_01Yes, definitely. I'd love to just touch on that part of change. I think a lot of our desire to keep things the same comes from the wounding of being surprised by things, possibly the traumas that we've been through, where things have been too much too soon, not enough for too long. And so we're looking for consistency in certain areas of our lives so that we can rely on something and find safety within that thing that doesn't change. And yet, you're absolutely right, the nature of all living Things is change. And so to tie that in with the metaphor of garden, it doesn't have to be a garden. But when you go outside and when you connect with the natural world, there is this simplicity and complex nature of nature that is who we are. It is connected to the state of our aliveness. And so when we can see it outside of ourselves, it naturally reminds us of what is within. And so when we see the cycles of nature changing, we watch the leaves fall, it naturally, instinctively reminds us that we are designed to change and that we're capable of handling change. And not only that, we could become more available to actually thrive, even though things around us are always changing. And so that to bring it back to our sexual experience, I think is a big part of our resistance to having a sexual experience, is so funny because I think that people are like, oh, well, yeah, my partner and I have sex and it's like this, and it's like always like this. And so I don't want to do it because it is the same. And yet we also to think outside the box is like, oh, wait a second, what are they doing? Where are they going with their hands? That's not what we do, right? So it's this tug and pull of like wanting new and different, and you know, to explore different ways of being in our sexuality, and yet being totally terrified of that at the same exact time. And so then we start to overthink it. It's this like tug and pull, and it's like, okay, well, let me think through this, and then we've lost connection.
SPEAKER_00I want to circle back to the beginning piece and bring it in here of you know, allowing ourselves to quiet our front of our brain, right? And lean into the sensations. And there is this piece here of people being afraid or not in practice of allowing, I'm gonna use that word, right? Allowing themselves, giving themselves permission to lean into that. That is one of the things I hear from many women.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Where I'm going with this is each of us are unique. You're so good about reminding that. But I wonder if we could offer one or two practical tools or practices that might help someone get started with this allowing, with this quieting, with this leaning back and in and feeling their sensations. Yes, let's do that. You're thinking in your mind, you're listening and thinking, I want some of that. What do I do? How do I actually do that?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely. How do I actually do it? Yeah. And so I just want to preface it with a lot of times when we've experienced trauma, which I haven't met somebody that hasn't, but depending on where we're at in our healing journey and the work that we've done in our lives, the different practices are going to meet you very differently. And so I definitely recommend doing this kind of work with another, a trusted other, a therapist, a coach, a friend that you feel safe with. And can we try something on? And yet it's about us. It's about us. And so we can absolutely connect with ourselves. But if at any point it feels unsafe or scary or there's resistance, that's a signal that this doesn't feel right for me, this isn't safe for me, and to reach out for support. Because there are people, there are many somatic coaches and therapists out there doing this very important work in supporting the reconnection to the body. Something that I do at the beginning of every session with all of my clients is orienting to this the physical space that we're in. Now, there's a couple ways to do that. There's actually probably many unending ways to do this. But the way that I will often do it, I'll share with you. And then I also want to just let you know there's another way to practice this that I'll offer after. Does that sound okay?
SPEAKER_00Sounds great.
SPEAKER_01The first thing that I'd love for us all to do is just notice how it feels to be sitting here. Literally, what is the state of what you're sitting on? What's the texture of it? How soft is it? How cushy is it? Where do you feel your weight? Where is your body in connection with that that you are sitting on? Where are your feet landing? So just notice what you are grounded into, literally right now. And then once you have kind of your seat and your feet, allow your body to kind of lean back into whatever it is you're sitting in. And you can lie down and do this. You'll slowly start to look around the room, and you're going to look around the room slower than you would normally. And as you are looking around, rather than looking out of your eyes, I want you to imagine that you're pulling what you're seeing in through your eyes and letting it land in the back of your brain. And you're noticing how far away the items in the room are to your physical body. You're becoming aware of colors, textures, sources of light, shadow. You know because you're looking around where the exits are. And you're gaining an overall sense of what it feels like to be here right now. And in that process, we are allowing our bodies to know where it is in space so it doesn't have to be on quite so much. We're offering an opportunity to neurosept, that's what we call it. So that our hindbrain can just let down a little. And then you can find something that is pleasant for your eyes to look at. It doesn't even need to make sense. It could be the wrinkle in the curtain. But anything that's pleasant for your eyes to look at, just soften your gaze. And at this point, if you'd like to close your eyes, you can, but you can just keep your gaze soft. And start to notice kind of the feeling of your clothes on your body. How heavy are they? Where are they tighter and where do they hang from the body? You start to notice how your hair is falling, and if you're wearing glasses or earrings or anything else that's touching the skin. And you're noticing the temperature of the air as it meets your skin where it's exposed. And that could be enough noticing. Or maybe if you are still curious about what else is here, you go a layer below the skin and you start to get connected to the sensations that are under the skin. Maybe there's a little bit of tingling, or maybe some muscles are holding tension. Maybe there's a sense of openness somewhere. And you're just letting yourself check in what sensations are here. Notice if your mind wants to make a story about that sensation, and you simply return to the sensation that's here now. And just notice it. Okay, that's here. What else is here? If you'd like to take it a layer deeper, you go deeper into the muscles, you go into the organs. Our digestion, our heartbeat, our breath. You're very connected to our aliveness. And so if you're able to pay attention to those sensations, just notice how it feels in there. If at any point it doesn't feel okay to be there, you pull out to the layer and layer back out to the room as needed. But if you can, just sit with sensations, gurgling, bubbling, heartbeat, blood flow. Take your time with that. And then when you feel ready, you can pause at this point and really take your time with that. But if you're ready to come back out, it's a slow transition. Layer by layer by layer. And if the eyes are closed down, you'll blink a couple times, keep that gaze soft, look back around the room, and just notice how it feels to be here now. So, how does it feel to be here now, Cindy?
SPEAKER_00I feel more settled.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So how do you know that you feel more settled? What in your body signals to you right now? I feel more settled.
SPEAKER_00My shoulders are not in my ears. My heart rate slowed. I'm sitting, so my feet feel heavy.
SPEAKER_01Those are such beautiful awarenesses to know and to connect with. When we are able to start to language, it's okay if you don't always have the exact words. You can make up words if you want. But to start to make connections, that this is what it feels like to be blank for me right now. Knowing that that could change and being okay with that. Thank you for going on that ride.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I'm also, you know what I'm thinking, Aurora, is that this is some of the key here is that I don't know about men, but for sure the women I work with, we don't allow ourselves to zero in on sensations for ourselves. You know, there's a lot to that. That that's some of what I always want women to explore is, and any of us, why is it that we don't allow ourselves to zero in?
SPEAKER_01My first guess, because that is a very unique question for each of us, but my first guess would be it doesn't feel safe to do that. That hasn't been safe for me to feel into my body, so I'm not going to do that. Understandable, right? That is so valid. So valid. And so this is the other practice, would be to work with slow, gentle movements, right? The stillness and the sitting and the slow might be too much for some of us. And so movement is medicine, and actually just orienting to what movement feels like in the body can be a little bit more neutral. And if we feel in any way agitated by connecting into the body, that agitation is somewhat relieved when we move, right? It's all energy. And if we can allow things to keep moving, then the energy doesn't get so built up. That makes sense, yes. So the other way that you could try on orienting to the now moment in your body would be to move at the joints. And so I'll just give a little taste of this with the hands because we're we're both seated. But typically, what I would do with clients would be to start from the ground up and move at the major joints. So we'd go one leg at a time and we would come up onto our toes on one side, balancing on the other side, and roll the ankle joint. And just notice what it feels like when you roll your ankle joint. For me, I got lots of clicks and pops these days, right? And then I can feel that stretch on the you know front side of my ankle and then the back side of my ankle, depending on where it is in space. And then I move to the other side, right? You balance on the other foot and you do, and then you connect with, okay, does this side feel similar? Is it different? And then you move up to the knee joint, and you bend and straighten at the knee joint, and you just keep your mind's focus on what it feels like to bend and straighten at that joint, what muscles turn on and off as you move, and then you move up to the hips, and then you move up to the spine, and then you go, and then so with the hands, what I like to do is just start to open and close the hands, stretching through the fingertips and then really squeezing in and just noticing this back and forth, and then take that and roll at the wrist joint as you open and close, and notice how much sensation is happening in your hands and in your wrists, right? If you really move to that joint's full extension and like contraction, then you're really going to be gaining more and more sensation. And then you add more joints, you could stretch and bend at the elbow joints, right? And it's all kind of working together, and you're just focusing your mind's attention on the sensations that are happening as you move, right? And when we do that, it's outside of the box enough for most of us. We're not doing this all the time, that it's new enough that we don't typically have a whole lot of negative experience with that unless there's a specific injury in the body where there's been trauma. You know, we want to be mindful of that when we're using movement. Movements in areas, specifically joints, where there hasn't been a whole lot of trauma or injury, can be a very good way to start the orienting process, bringing that prefrontal cortex to the felt sense of the body in a way that's a little more accessible for most of us.
SPEAKER_00So there's two relatively easy, I guess, practices to start with. And I could just hear some of you because I know my audience pretty well. And some of them will say, Sindy Wow, that is a little woo-woo for me. Now, this is what happens when I do episodes around these topics, right? You're getting too woo-woo for me. So let me tell you something if you're thinking that. We have been trained up out of our bodies to not be paying attention to them and their sensations. So it is going to feel something to you. Very likely, whether that feels woo-woo to you, or whether that feels unsafe to you, or just completely foreign, or like what's the point? I mean, I'm just getting real because you should the feedback I get sometimes on these episodes is where I was 25 years ago. Okay, so I get it, I totally get it. I did not trust my body, I did not listen to her, I exercised her to exhaustion, I did all the things. And when I started in to these kinds of practices, Aurora, and learning how to pay attention and listen and feel and zero in on sensations for myself. I mean, I could weep, really, it's a completely different and expansive and free way to live in the world. Amen. And because I so I keep wanting to do episodes like this because I want it for everyone, yeah, and these things welcome to the woo. Yeah, welcome to the woo. It's the best place to be. It is so good, it's so delightful, it is so yummy, it is so nourishing, and yes, it can start for you wherever you are, and in whatever way is available to you and in your window of tolerance. This is what Aurora keeps. You hear her keep saying this, you know, one way is not the way for everyone. But as Barbara Brown Taylor has said, we would rather lock up our bodies than listen to what they have to say. And we have been raised up and trained up to lock up our bodies. I really believe that. I was, I guess I should say.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and how does it feel to be locked up?
SPEAKER_00It doesn't feel free, right?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I got chills when you said that because freedom is possible, and becoming unlocked is possible. Finding the rhythm of your life that feels like you is possible, and one way is the body, it's not the only way, but it's one way, and it's definitely going to be involved at some point of the process because we live in these bodies, and just to speak on you know, wherever you're at, the reason that I teach on the nervous system, and is because sometimes our way in is through the education around the way our body works. And so if you are listening and you're like, okay, this is too much for me, I totally hear you. I was you, and I studied my butt off in school to learn about psychology and the way our minds work, and it wasn't until I started learning about the body and the way the body and the mind interact that I started to find that freedom. And then it wasn't until I was available to feel into my own body that all of my education started landing. And so if you need a way in, you're like, I'm locked up, but this is too woo for me. Learn about your nervous system. Learn about what's happening behind the scenes. Let your prefrontal cortex go crazy with that. You know, it's doing good things for you, that prefrontal cortex. It's very intelligent, it's what sets us apart from other species, right? We have this big, beautiful brain.
SPEAKER_00Use it, gather the data.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Find a way to get your body on board.
SPEAKER_00Where could people start there? I know you have some teachers that are your favorites, but they could look to you for guidance, Aurora, and we'll share where to find you. But where else would you direct people?
SPEAKER_01Oh, there are so many wonderful books. The Body Keeps the Score is fabulous. I know that one's been cycling for a while and is a good point of entry for those folks that really need like science-backed research. There's also the work of Hillary McBride. I know that you are a fan, Cindy, and she's phenomenal. And I love her feminine languaging and just the femininity she brings to it because the science side can be really heavily masculine-dominated. Returning to Our Bodies is a book that I would suggest for folks. I also love the work of one of my mentors, is Jill Miller, and she does a lot of work in tissues and how we hold tension in our tissues, and learning to meet that tension to support a shift in that, but how it relates to the nervous system. And my favorite work of hers that was profound for me is her breath work on how to restore the function of our diaphragm and our natural rhythms of breathing, because when we hold a lot of sympathetic activation leading. Us to anxiety and stress. Those tissues in and around our lungs and diaphragm get very tense and tight. It can be difficult. So one way to meet this work of connecting with your body could be from like the literal physical training of our bodies in a different way, right? Rather than just like exercising the heck out of things. What if we met it with like ball rolling and breath work and things like that? And so her work in breath work specifically has been very, very profound and helpful for me in my journey.
SPEAKER_00I just am going to offer a simple little twist on that is just diaphragmatic breathing. So my community heard me interview my own pelvic floor PT several months back. That was one of the things she pointed out to me. And as a nurse, it made complete sense. But just learning how to breathe and use our diaphragm and not be breathing always up in our chest and centering that kind of breathing and figuring out for myself that I don't do that very much and paying attention to that, especially if I'm trying to go to sleep the way I'm I'm breathing to calm my nervous system. And now in grief, it is just, I was telling Aurora before we started recording, I don't know if I would be surviving right now if I had not learned some of these tools for my nervous system because I'm so dysregulated and so deeply in grief. And so again, it's that sense of just wanting others to know, you know, there's another way, and it actually will serve you in the seasons of your life. So it's not too late to try and learn something new, you know, to try to learn to pay attention and breathe and feel the sensations in our body. I feel so strongly about it, and that's why I keep bringing on people like you. Thank you. I will link to some of Hillary's work and her time on the podcast and also Aurora's other episode. But Aurora, thanks for being with us. I told Aurora I should have brought Kleenex because I knew when she talks to me in that way that is soothing, and I should have known to bring my handkerchief, but I'm not going to hide my grief on this show. I am not going to pretend that all is well when it is deeply, deeply hard to breathe every day.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you, Cindy, for being authentic to what it's like for you in this moment. That changes lives. Your authenticity and truth and honesty is so needed in this world. Thank you for being open with us.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for being with us and tell people how they can find you and then share with us. Something that delights you. I still do that on this show. I think I did three years ago with you.
SPEAKER_01Um, you can find me at my website is auroraallen.com. And I'm on social media at Aurora Allen Somatics. And I'm so delighted by just this moment right now. I feel tears coming as I'm getting to witness yours. And I am delighted by the connection. As hard as it might feel, it is to me what life is about is this connection, person to person, heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul. And I feel honored to sit with you however you show up. I'm so grateful and delighted by you today. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Well, community. I'm gonna have to go get Kleenex, so we'll say goodbye for now. And until next time, I just encourage you to give yourself not only permission for pleasure, but permission to feel the sensations in your body and permission to be free.
