Suzanne Culberg is an author and coach who helps over-givers and people pleasers learn to set boundaries and say 'No' without feeling like a bitch.
She believes, “So why wait? There’s no time like right now.”
Suzanne is known for her straight-talking, contagious sense of humor and her wacky t-shirts. She lives in Sydney, Australia with her husband and two awesome children.
LINKS
Website: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/suzanneculberg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suzanne_culberg/
OFFERS
Why W8? (my signature program) https://www.suzanneculberg.com/
Newsletter: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/newsletter/
Book: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/book/ (they can grab the first 2 chapters of my book for free here without signing up to my list)
Note: I read it and laughed out loud while receiving lots of heathy observations.
Suzanne Culberg is an author and coach who helps over-givers and people pleasers learn to set boundaries and say 'No' without feeling like a bitch.
She believes, “So why wait? There’s no time like right now.”
Suzanne is known for her straight-talking, contagious sense of humor and her wacky t-shirts. She lives in Sydney, Australia with her husband and two awesome children.
LINKS
Website: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/suzanneculberg
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/suzanne_culberg/
OFFERS
Why W8? (my signature program) https://www.suzanneculberg.com/
Newsletter: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/newsletter/
Book: https://www.suzanneculberg.com/book/ (they can grab the first 2 chapters of my book for free here without signing up to my list)
Note: I read it and laughed out loud while receiving lots of heathy observations.
Welcome to the Live Year Bloom podcast, where I interview people pursuing their ongoing journeys to blooming and fulfillment. My guest this week is Suzanne Culberg, an author and coach who helps over-givers and people pleasers. Anybody out there relate to that? Learn to set boundaries and say'no' without feeling like a bitch. She says we should be saying nope a lot more often, and I totally agree. Suzanne, welcome.
Suzanne Culberg:Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Sharman Nittoli:And I know you're coming all the way from Australia, which was a bit of a challenge to schedule, but we managed to do it.
Suzanne Culberg:The wonders of technology.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. It says here so too that you are known for straight talking and you're wacky t-shirts, and you live in Sydney, Australia with your, your husband, and two awesome children. That's terrific. I would love to start this off just by hearing a little background on what led you to developing this business.
Suzanne Culberg:Oh, that's just, I, I always love this question because how far back do we go?
Sharman Nittoli:Not, don't start when you were two, but when you.
Suzanne Culberg:So to cut a very long story short, I never actually wanted my own business. I always felt more comfortable behind the scenes and hence having a business in boundaries. They say, you teach what you most need to learn so that you can learn it. So I was always kind of the yes person, the doormat, the people pleaser, and it was hard to step out of. And I remember a few years ago I came across a quote, and I can't remember who it's attributed to, but it was like,"When you say no to keep the peace, you start a war with inside yourself." And that quote really moved me cause it was like, how often would I say, 'oh sorry', when you say yes to keep the peace. Sorry, I quoted it wrong. And I just realized in that moment how often, I didn't even check in with myself if I was interested in anything before. I was just like, 'Yeah, sure. Yeah, so use could you?' ' Yeah, sure.' And from there, I don't know, a little seed was planted. That started to take root, and I was like, you know, just because I could do something, doesn't mean that I have to, or I'm even the right person. Or if I didn't do it, they couldn't go and ask someone else. Cause so often we feel indebted or we feel obligated. And I think that's the big thing. This, healing of that sense of obligation that I had was, you know, for my own personal journey. And then I realized how I wasn't alone. Cause I think so often when we are people pleasers, we think we're the only ones. And we don't realize that, you know, , we've got a secret community, Oh yes, yes,
Sharman Nittoli:absolutely. Yeah.
Suzanne Culberg:And from there, the, the business was born.
Sharman Nittoli:So I, I, was just thinking because you gave me a piece of advice just about six months ago and said make a list of, I don't wanna do it. I can do it, but I don't wanna, like for me, there are many things on that list because I've done many things in my life, you know, and, and to make it short, I'm, I was a seamstress for a while. That doesn't mean that I wanna do everybody's hems and adjustments on their clothes, and I spent years making clothes for bands, and that is just something I don't wanna do anymore. So I have drawn a line. I had the, the name of a good, seamstress and I'd say, 'I'm not doing it, but you, I'm perfectly comfortable with you taking it to her and she'll charge you a little bit, but there you go.' And you know how long it took me to do that? Just too long, you know? It is a more often a female thing. It is.
Suzanne Culberg:Yes. What's interesting you should say that. So two examples come to mind. I love that this seamstress thing, cause my son is determined to be a fashion designer.
Sharman Nittoli:Oh, okay.
Suzanne Culberg:And he had his first lessons cause I've never learned how to sew. So he just had his first lessons last week. So that cracked me up when you said that. But the other thing that comes to mind is I am a very competent cook but I don't enjoy it. And my husband and I have been together for 20 years. And I'm the kind of person who our deal's always been, whoever cooks the other one cleans. It was just, you know, how we've run our lives. And he always says, you use way too many dishes. Like, you know, you could be so more efficient with this. So over the years, it's basically evolved that he cooks by clean. And very recently I cooked something, I can't remember what it was, and my son cast me, was like, 'oh, mommy cooked this?' and Jeremy's like,'yeah, she's a quite a capable cook. She just doesn't enjoy it.' And it was just, it was fascinating cuz because people assume, or even my own kids had assumed, 'oh, mommy just can't cook.' I was like,'no, I can, I just don't like it.'
Sharman Nittoli:I'm with you on that. I have the same arrangement with my husband. Although we've been trying to eat really healthy lately and kind of modify our diets, but yet I'm not the one that does the prep. I'll do the cleanup. I'm down with that. I used to do a lot of cooking, but I don't have time to do everything and I don't really want to too. I don't take the great pleasure from cooking. I don't. It's just not one of my favorite things to do. Took me a long while to say I'm not doing this anymore but, he's good with it. He's an Italian. He loves like cooking and doing a pasta and all that, but it is whatever a couple comes together and decides how they delineate responsibilities and doesn't, it just has to do with them, you know.
Suzanne Culberg:I love that too cuz it's not a hard and fast rule. I think so many of us, we look to people and go, they do it like that, so I should do it like this. And it's like, no, like what's in your pleasure. For me, cooking's not particularly in my pleasure and he actually enjoys it, so why not?
Sharman Nittoli:There you go.
Suzanne Culberg:But then there's other things like the yard work, which would traditionally, societally be the more, you know, masculine role. I don't actually mind mowing the lawn. I tend to do the yard work, and it's, it's very, it's very interesting, but like, what's in your pleasure? What do you enjoy doing? And can you come up with some form of arrangement that, like, obviously it, it'd be my absolute pleasure not to do any cooking or cleaning or anything like that, but, things need to get done. But actually having a discussion about who enjoys what or who will tolerate more than the other, instead of just traditionally doing what, you know, society has taught us.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. So, why do you think it's so hard for us people pleasers and givers to draw the line and say yes to what we want, prioritize what we want instead, I mean, in my group, Live Your Bloom. We are all notorious for if we have a list of things to do, we're gonna be at the bottom. And I have learned, and I try to work with people to say, 'Put yourself at the top, everything else is secondary.' If you can't, I understand there's health considerations, family, there's a variety of things that happen. But in general, I think it's Steven Colby who had this wonderful quote that said,'Don't make a list of your priorities. Make your priorities the first thing you do.' And I always say, make sure you're at the top of the list. You're the priority. What do you wanna do? Because if you're happy, if you're happy with doing that, it will be synergistically spilling over to everything else that you do. So why do you think that we have such a hard time saying yes to ourselves?
Suzanne Culberg:I think it's a lot of conditioning. Like if you look at say, the good girl or the good student complex that we, you know, that the whole children should be seen and not heard or, you know, I remember my school motto for the first school that I went to was, 'Others first yourself last.' And we see that, you know, like you could see that as I don't know, but as an adult, as a grown person, I've been like, that's actually a terrible message to be instilling in people. Sharman Nittoli: I know, I know. Talk about your conditioning. People pleasers, but often self first is seen as selfish. And I think there is a really different line here. And I remember, in a coaching session I had as a client not that long ago, the coach was saying to me about embodying queen energy. And it was funny for me. I had a lot of connotations with that. And she was like in days of old that like the queen is in like a battle queen would be not doing everything herself because, not because she couldn't do it, not because she was selfish or lazy or indulgent. But if you are holding so much in your capacity of like, what's happening on the western front and people actually wouldn't want their queen doing everything because they would want her energy channeled towards the bigger picture thinking and taking care of the province or the nation rather than just herself. And I think often we, we don't want to say no to people or we don't wanna say yes to ourselves because we don't wanna be seen as indulgent or selfish. And we are conditioned to be carers and givers. But we are not actually modeled that to be the best carer and giver we need to give to ourselves first. Because if we're running around doing all these things and we have nothing left, like as you said, your pleasure, your priorities rather than. Because there's always gonna be something like, there's always gonna be a kitchen to clean or a loose end to follow up. Especially in the days of modern technology is always an email to answer
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah, yeah. I know. And I, I'm very conscious lately, there's three projects that I'm working on. And I hope, know, I try to adjust my schedule and there are many days I don't get to it because I get lost with all of that little piddly stuff. So I'm, I've become lately very conscious of start it and I'll say, 'Nope, not doing this right now.',' Nope, not doing this, doesn't have to be done right now.' The thing that has to be done is the thing that is my dream. That's what has to be done. You know, right now working on a book, I'm trying to get ready to record again. These are things that take a lot of, of time and preparation and for some reason I don't, you know, I kind of say,'I'll get to that, I'll get to that.' And I don't, so and I don't get to it. And then I'll say, 'all right, tomorrow's another day.' And I'm trying to just hold myself accountable. If you say you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it. You know, we had a, we have a bloom huddle meeting once a month. And one of the topics once was, do you have trouble saying no? And do you say yes way too easily to everybody, but yourself? You should have seen the turnout. Oh my God. And they struggled with that word selfish. Yes. What do you say to people that feel selfish when they put themselves first cause that's how they've been conditioned?
Suzanne Culberg:Someone said to me once, 'self first is not selfish'. And that really struck a chord. That was a, a fellow coach, Heather Tobin. And I was like, that is so true. And also too, it's according to who, cause so often like we will think, they like, you know, the mysterious, they will think I'm selfish. And just to pause in that moment and go they who like, can you get a particular image for me? I don't know if you listen to my podcast Mom and dad, but it's often my parents. Like it's that internalized parent or internalized critic that is my parent saying, you should be more considerate or you should do this. And it's kind of like, what, where are we instilling a message inadvertently that our children will then carry along? So at the moment, at the time of recording this, my children have just been visiting my parents for the first time for away and I've stayed home and they've gone cause my family lives interstate and, my son was ringing. And I could tell when he'd reached enough, you know, where he reached that point where it's like he's homesick and he wants to come home. And he was whispering to me and he's like,'Mommy, I want to cry.' And I'm like,'That's okay honey, let's cry together.' And he's like, 'Oh, Nanny and Poppy told me that, you know, I shouldn't cry. Boys, boys shouldn't cry.' And I was like, 'No, honey, tears are always welcome.' I'm like,'Do you wanna get onto the, we were just talking on the phone. Do you want me to FaceTime you?' He's like, 'Yeah'. We just cried together. And I think, sometimes we internalize our good child like to please our parents and we keep carrying that with us when really if we'd had an actual discussion, like it is okay. It is always okay. Like sometimes we say stuff to our children to get through the moment that then they carry with them for years and decades. Forever more.
Sharman Nittoli:Good point. Very good point. Yeah.
Suzanne Culberg:I was just like, if you are sad, if you don't want to, there are times when, you know, like I can, I've said to my kids, just put your shoes on and we have to go. But then we keep that message forever more and it's like, yeah, there are times where we do have to do stuff. Like we have to. There is an appointment, there is a doctor's thing, there's a follow up. There's something that needs to be done. But a lot of the time it isn't. We're not a three year old who needs to put their shoes on anymore, but we just keep that. So it's like pausing and asking yourself, you know, does this need to be done? Yes or no? Does it need to be done by me?
Sharman Nittoli:Yes.
Suzanne Culberg:Cause there's often delegating. And it was interesting as the, the children just got home last night. They're like, the house is so clean. And I'm like, 'Yeah, because, you guys haven't been here', but it's kinda like for me this time has been like renewing about they can actually do a lot more than I have, than I have realized. And, you know, renegotiating these boundaries all through our life. And I've got a little bit on a tangent there, but I think it's the voice that says, you must do this. Pause. Notice it. Be curious about it. Rather than judgmental or ignoring or just listening.
Sharman Nittoli:Or when you start to feel that guilt. I, at this point, I know where that comes from. But I lived long enough to see my mom, who was very proper, very religious, had a very strong sense of right and wrong. Lived, a life dedicated to her family and her children, which was beautiful. We used to say, 'You're always here, you're always home. You need to get a life.' And she would say, 'You're my life.' And all that was fine and fine, but in the latter part of her life, especially when she got older, she stopped being so nice and it wasn't because of dementia. She, she didn't have that. She just started to get very objective. There were some disappointments. My brother passed away, which she could never accept. And sometimes, you know, there would be like a birthday, 'Okay mom, what do you want?' And she would say, 'I want a sky blue raglin sleeve turtleneck'. And we would go out and buy it and she would come back and throw it at us and say, 'You call that sky blue. It's not sky blue.' And we were like, 'Who are? Why, why didn't you raise us like this? Because our lives would've been different if this is how you're gonna end up'. And so, her boundaries, let's just say they changed her concept. And then she said something very valuable. She said, 'Time is very valuable to me right now and I want what I want.' And I just always remember that saying, well, why do I have to wait till my eighties to want what I want.
Suzanne Culberg:That's such a great example. What that's brought to mind for me is, so my mother, I thought that she liked this perfume called White Linen. And so I always bought it for her Mother's Day birthday, Christmas. It wasn't cheap either, like, you know, and eventually, she's like,'I don't actually like this.' And I was like, 'Well, that would've been nice to know like 20, 30 years ago.' And then like my own daughter, Xanthi for, for the Mother's Day store at school, she bought me this hand cream thing scented. And I, I don't like anything scented, like it gives me a headache. So I sat her down. I was like, 'I love this. I love the thought you've put into it. I love this. But in future, this is not, this is something I would prefer to choose myself, and these are the kind of things I'd like.' And I remember my mom taking me aside and absolutely tearing me a new one. She's like, 'That was the worst thing to do. Is this, this?' And I'm like, ' No, no. What's the worst thing to do is pretend you love something and then find out years later, especially, saving up my little pocket money or, or whatever.' Cause I'm so excited and I think this is the thing, it's like this is where the core of boundaries and people pleasing come from. If someone gives you something, I'm not saying throw it back at them and say, you call this sky blue, Dad did that to me.
Sharman Nittoli:You can do that when you're in your eighties, you know?
Suzanne Culberg:Yes, but, but actually saying 'Thank you so much, you put so much thought into this. And I really appreciate it. I actually like in future, I actually prefer this'. Because I think that is, when we are giving somebody something we want to give them something that they love. And so I think it's more, in more love to be that direct there than to pretend you like something that you set aside. And like I've worked with people who have been given gifts that they can't stand and they hide, you know, you guys have an attic there. Or here it would be. I Call it the Harry Potter cupboard like under the stairs. And then you pull it out when that person's coming over.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. And I got one of them, too. When somebody gives it to us, this is you. And you're looking at it saying, it is so clearly not me. How do I handle this, you know?
Suzanne Culberg:Yeah. And I just think, Brené Brown, like I love Brené Brown. She's like, choose discomfort over resentment. So the discomfort of having that conversation in the moment as opposed to the resentment of, cause the thing is, once someone thinks you like something, then they keep giving it to you. So like my mom mentioned once offhand, something about liking roosters. And so for years everyone bought a rooster mugs, rooster clocks, rooster, everything. And until our house was almost overflowing with it and she was like, actually, 'I don't really like them that much.' And I was like, 'Well, this would've been something that would've been nice to know like a decade ago.'
Sharman Nittoli:Well, what I would love to hear about is the W eight program. I'd like to hear more about that and then we'll get into some other stuff. So, tell, tell us.
Suzanne Culberg:Yes. I love how you, I love how you pronounce that. So Why W8? Why W8 is my program.
Sharman Nittoli:Okay.
Suzanne Culberg:No, it's all good. Because the thing is, it's, it is an eight technically, but in my actual branding, it's an infinity symbol. And on its side, and it's like, what are you waiting for? And it's all about, Why do we wait? We say when the kids are older, when they finish school, when I've got the house, when I've paid off this, when I, you know, if the people pleaser mantra is, I'll get to that. And we have all these, you know, unfinished passion projects. Lining the draws and sitting around. And the reason so many of us wait is because we don't have boundaries and the ability to say no to others so that we can say yes to ourselves. So it's a 10 week program where we go from over-giving and people pleasing to setting boundaries and taking action, but not in some magical unicorn formula prescription thing. Cause you know, we all know. The problem with prescriptions is they work while you're taking them, but then when you stop, it's like, I never actually initially wanted a program for that very reason. I've, I've err away from bootcamp style, go out or go home. Cause you know, I'd rather just stay at home. But it's about like having a community of people who are open and honest and vulnerable and share about what's happening in their lives and what they would like to be happening and how we can start together in our own lanes, but you know, as a community taking those steps.
Sharman Nittoli:In that program, do you also include things like self care, nutrition, I know that you have this wonderful book called, the Beginning is Shit, which we will get to that book about, which is about weight, dealing with weight, and it sounds wonderful. But in this program, Why W8? Do you include nutrition as well?
Suzanne Culberg:No, I, we, we make mention of like, so the thing is over consuming is a problem for many people. And you know, for me, I am a foodie, hence my memoir. Beginning shit is about my personal weight loss journey. But personally, like from my point of view, a lot of us know what to do, we just don't do it. So me explaining, you know, the benefits of this and that, is often people have the nascent eye roll. It's like, I know all this, and if they don't, I'd happily recommend refer, you know, dietician, nutritionist, some other person who that is their jam. But you know, it does come up in passing, but it's not direct like that because yeah, I, I believe, and most of the people that I work with have a fair idea of what to do. They just don't it.
Sharman Nittoli:They do have a fair idea. Yeah. I, I, I've, I just recently really came to terms with certain habits that I had with eating. You know, I was like a grazer cause I would not sit down and eat a meal, but I would be grazing during the course of the day. And it took me all this time to just say, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm just not. And I did eliminate it. And I, and I, and what happened now is I just really enjoy my meals. I really enjoy sitting down and having a meal and identifying it as a meal and feeling full. And of course why we do things like that. That's like a whole nother thing.
Suzanne Culberg:Well, that's a whole people pleasing behavior as well too, because sometimes sitting down, like we said, sitting down, enjoying my meal. If we are always flitting and, and being of service to others, like constantly, especially those of us mothers and mothers of young children, like I get it. And it's like, actually, and I remember not that long ago, so I love porridge, like a cooked porridge in the morning, warm, no matter what time of the year it is. And I always say to my children, mommy's putting the porridge on now. Like, do you want your breakfast now or after? And usually they haven't before, but the other day, my son was busy with his little craft and he's like, no, no, I, I wanna keep coloring. I'm like, that's okay. And then my porridge was ready and he's like, I want breakfast now. And I'm like, well, you're gonna need to wait till I finished eating this. And he's like, ' In the Goldilock story, mommy bear eats cold porridge'. I was like, 'yes honey. And I ate mommy bear.'
Sharman Nittoli:And that is so important for I believe for children to understand that their parents value themselves enough to set boundaries. And so that they don't get used to thinking that they can just snap their fingers and have things that would automatically happen because that's how important they are. They are important. But I think it's very healthy to observe parents setting their own boundaries. Yeah.
Suzanne Culberg:I love that too. And also too often parents do have really good boundaries in some context, like the, the, with Covid, many of us have adjusted to a working from home situation and we'll have perfect boundaries. Like, don't come in while I'm working. But if I'm reading a book or having a bath or doing something just for me, it's like my boundaries person in place for my pleasure as well as for my work. And some people are like really surprised or, you know, maybe even horrified by that. And I'm like, my kids know if there's blood, if there's an honest emergency, a hundred percent I can always be interrupted. But sometimes what. CLA classifies as an emergency to them is not for me. Like I remember when my daughter was younger explaining that, you know, you can always come to me if it's really important. And she's like, yeah, okay, And I'm doing something. And she marches in and I'm like, 'what is it?' And she's like, ' oh, it's so important. Mommy. Do you know I can fit 27 blueberries in my mouth?' And I'm like, 'we have a very different definition of what's important' and then it's explaining. Cause I think the other thing with boundaries for so many of us is we just assume, like when we say important that we're on the same page. And it's like actually having a discussion. What, what classifies as important and coming to an agreement, like a boundary isn't you dictating? I will. I think this is where the whole queen and, and too good for and whatever thing comes in and it's like, no, no, it's having a discussion because sometimes we think, like, you know, in, in my family and we're talking about cooking earlier in the show, like, you know, traditionally the woman would be the cook and it's like, so we just assume my husband loves cooking, I don't. So it's just having that discussion, what actually is in your pleasure and what's in theirs, and with the boundary, what is important, and coming up with a mutual definition, which can be different in different relationships.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. I just wanna remind, tell everybody on your site, your book, which is, looks very interesting, and it, it is, it says that's the inspiring story of a woman desperate to achieve a healthy and comfortable weight. I'm not gonna read the rest of it, but how many people relate to that. But the wonderful thing is that you can get, the first two chapters can be downloaded for free, so you can actually preview it and I will be doing that, and all of that stuff is gonna be on the podcast landing page.
Suzanne Culberg:Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. And one thing too, for anyone, if you do grab those two chapters from my site, I'd love it. It doesn't automatically sign you up for my newsletter. Another one, I think a boundary for me is when I give my email address away and I'm suddenly being bombarded with thousands of things, you'll literally get two emails from me. The book chapters and then an invitation if you wanna keep hearing from me. But, yeah, that's another thing for me personally.
Sharman Nittoli:I noticed that. That's a different. I haven't seen anybody do that. So, it's an interesting way to approach it. I have a, a group, I don't necessarily do coaching, but I did form a group called Work It, which is just a group work sessions and I have because a lot of people need to be with a group in order to commit to, and that's what we do. So I set up, schedules. I have at least two to three work sessions each week that are three to four hours long. Some in the afternoon, some in the morning. And, they're a fascinating group of, of people right now, all ladies, but men are certainly welcome that we just support each other. We always kick around something for the first half hour and, and I sometimes teach little ukulele or I do a little face yoga or, you know, I do a little something or we just talk and share what's going on. And support each other because it is life that gets in our way of doing the things we wanna do. And somehow we, if you can show up for 20 minutes, this is what I really believe and have, it's true. Even show up for 20 minutes to start to work on something. So, for example, you wanna play an instrument. I know how many people say, you know, I'm gonna wait till I'm, wait, wait, wait, wait till I'm retired. Why would you wait till you're retired? You, you're counting on having perfect health. You don't know that. So, you know, it's, it's not like it was when I was a kid where you had to have a piano where you didn't play. There's lots of places to learn how to play and lots of affordable little keyboards and whatever. If you wanna play 20 minutes a day, couple times a week, you'll be playing Jingle Bells by December, but, and that's just music. But how many people say, 'oh, I've always wanted to write', right?' I've always, I wanted to get back to my painting.' Well, why aren't you?'Oh, because my husband says, you know, the house is set and he doesn't want the house disturbed.' And you know, and. Well, how about this? I'm disturbing the house. Deal with it. Its my house.
Suzanne Culberg:That sounds like coaching to me.. Sharman Nittoli: I'm claiming the And when I'm in the corner, I totally agree with you, Suzanne, when you say, unless you got blood coming outta your ears, don't bother me. But when I'm finished doing my thing, you got me. Okay. And I think this leads to the point of quality time versus quantity time because so often we spend so much time, you know, like with our children or whatever, but watching TV and I'm not knocking things like this. Yeah. But you know, it's quantity time. And or you go somewhere, it's like, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me. And it's like, oh, I just, you know. Whereas when we do have that quality time, so like when I'm working, I'm working and when I'm with my kids, I'm with my kids. And you know, there's never any judgment for people who are on their phone or, you know, doing TV like you do, you, is a principle that I live by. But it's kind of like when we all get the chance to fill our own cup, make the paint, do the mess, and as you said, like I, it don't need to be with the whole. You can have a desk, you can have a corner, you can have a space that dedicated.
Sharman Nittoli:There's, there's some place you can claim. You can go in the attic, you can go in the basement. I live in a very small house and I just said I wanted to get back to guitar, so I just found a corner that did not exist before, but now it does. And I have a little chair and my guitar's over there and my music stand is all there. So if I wanna sit down and play or practice, there's not a big deal to setting up. I can just plop myself down and do it 15, 20 minutes, maybe more, maybe less, and it feels good, and that feel good is just taking you through the day, you know.
Suzanne Culberg:It so does, and also too, the power of 15, 20 minutes. Because if you have a dedicated corner that you are doing your craft, you're painting your music in and then you can just leave it. So my book was written in 15 minutes a day over a couple of months. I think it was close to eight months because I had very young children when I was writing it. So that was the pockets of time that I could get. Whereas some people think I need to sit down and dedicate, you know, hours to my guitar or hours to my book. It's like, no, 15 minutes. And as you said, the little hit of like endorphins, dopamine that you get from that 15 minutes carries through the rest of the day as opposed to hours that you'll probably, you know, may never get to carve out. And even if you do, like I, I've just, as I said, my children just got back from being away. I had all these grand plans and really, I really just kind of napped and watched tv, but there's no guilt, shame, or shade. It was like, that's what I needed. So book two will come. But yeah, it didn't come in that period that I had thought because dedicating hours over a short period of time is not as efficient as we think it would be.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we are just so in tune with so many things, you know? So, you know what I would like to know, when people come on your site, what can they, or the Why W8 program, what can they expect to happen? Is it modules, is it group meetings? What is it?
Suzanne Culberg:So the Why W8 program, it's fabulous. It is always taught live. I have something about like no thing to people who pre-record stuff, but for me personally, there's something about the live energy of it. So there is modules. And they are taught live every single round. In the teaching concept of things, I teach via Facebook Live so people can interact and ask questions as I teach but, it's not coaching. It's here's the delivery of the content pieces. And then each week we also have a group coaching call, which is where we all jump on Zoom together, and I'm. Come as you are. So if you are uncomfortable with your camera on, have your camera off. If you are uncomfortable asking a question out loud, type it in the chat box. As I said, you do, you is something I really live by. And what I have loved from writing this program from a number of years now is seeing people go from, cause the thing is, believe it or not, I am a socially awkward, highly sensitive, very shy introvert. So groups are really challenging for me, yet I run one. So seeing people go from like not even being able to come into the call, like basically watching the replay to coming into the call with the camera off to turning the camera on and kind of like to, you know, then being a space where they can just ask the question, show up, celebrate. It's just sensational. So there's group coaching. There's a really, I, I introduce, it's not on my webpage or anything cause it's like, not official, but I'm actually thinking it what will become official part of the program. We have an app called Voxer, which is one of these voice apps, and I call it Why W8 radio? And basically what I love about it is it's teaching people pleasers that we don't need to listen and respond to everything we can turn up, share, take what we need and leave. And I introduced it two rounds ago and it's been just so fabulous to know that, you know, this is a space where I can share and be heard, and I don't need to respond or reply to everything. I can just be me.
Sharman Nittoli:And it's called Voxer? Voxer?
Suzanne Culberg:Voxer. It's a free app. And for anybody, like you don't, it's, I didn't make the app. It's a voice messaging app. Like I know there's Telegram and WhatsApp and all these others. What I personally love about Voxer is it's kind of like a walkie-talkie is in, you can listen while the person is recording, and then, and they can record back, and it's just, it's fabulous. I use it with my one to one clients and then I introduce it to Why W8, because it's a space where you can be heard. And what I always love is listening to people when they share a message and the fear we have of taking up too much time. Like I know someone's last round was like, 'oh I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I talked for so long when they spoke for like five minutes.' And I was like, first off, the maximum Voxer message is 15 minutes. Ask me how I know. But also it's just kind of like, it's often, it's not being heard so much. It's like not the response that we're after. It's the space that we know that we've been heard. And that is something that, you know, I love to provide for my clients and for a lot of us who are over consumers or whatever. Having the vox part is kinda like, for me, it's when I do my walking or when I do my house cleaning or when I do something that, you know, I, I should do, but don't particularly want to. Then I, it, I'm like, 'oh, okay. I've got, you know, this many messages that I can listen to' motivates me to exercise or clean or do housework.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. And you know what also be I wanna touch upon is, how you set the day in the morning when you get up, the things you do, the things you listen to. I, I also try to find stuff to listen to positive stuff to set the day, or I used to be a real news junkie, and I'll tell you that just does not work to do anything for your disposition or for your positivity or for anything at all. So I have committed to just, I listen twice a day for 20 minutes. I pretty much get everything there, you know, if, if it's different at six o'clock, I'll listen. If it's the same as it was at 10, I won't listen because, you know, I, I, and by doing that has changed my life completely.
Suzanne Culberg:And also you're getting someone else's narrative, you know, so the other things too. The Why W8 radio isn't just about the program, it's about all sorts of things. Last round, I learned the difference between Canadian Thanksgiving and American Thanksgiving. I didn't even know, cause I'm in Australia. We didn't even have Thanksgiving here. We talk about the seasons and the weather and the time zone and snowblowers, which also aren't a thing here. Like, I was like, is it kind of like a leafblower, but for snow? And they're like, 'Suzanne, think of the logistics of this.' You know, it's kind like getting to know cultures outside your own in a way that's good. Not in a, in a news way or where somebody has a particular narrative.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. And you know what else? When you've been with somebody for a long time, there are times that you slip into this way of relating to each other where you're not really listening to each other and you're not really encouraging each other to express themselves. Both male and female, do that. You slip into that comfort zone of like here's your coffee, here's your breakfast, here's this, here's that. So to be in a group, I find for the people that come to work, you know, they love being able to talk without anybody saying I don't wanna hear that or, you know, I'm not interested in what you're saying or being cut off. They, they, you know, because you do come to conclusions about life when you can actually verbalize it and not just think about it, but talk it out. And then how many times does somebody turn around and say, you know what? I would like to write a book. Well, you know what? I do have this idea for this business, and this thing that I've been doing for fun over here, I wanna open up an Etsy store and that everybody will, will. Oh God, that's just the most glorious feeling to, to bring that out of people and, and then that's what they work on.
Suzanne Culberg:I love that so much. Our work sounds so similar and it's interesting too because the, the side things that come out. I remember last round too, there was a whole discussion about obedience training dogs, and different tools, and tips and suggestions. And cause people will often do the radio while they're walking their dogs and then there'll be the background thing and then, 'oh, this is happening', and photos that are shared. And it's just like this real community, like a global community, which I love. But also too, for anything, it's kind of taking your place at the table, so to speak, I think so often we feel that we don't fit in or we're not this, and it's kinda like we count ourselves out. Like you matter in every space that you choose to put yourself in. And I think that's a real healing thing from the work that I do. And it sounds like the work that you do too, like the things that we would think of mundane or every day, like in Christmas, Thanksgiving, how to trip trips for tips and tricks, I'll get it out in a second, for training your dog to someone else. That's phenomenal. That's news. Sharman Nittoli: Yeah, you know, My, I have an old boy and I know I get the feeling we could talk all day, but we're not going to, so, but my, my boy that everybody knows I adore him, but he's gonna be 16 and he, he's great, he's active, he, you know, but he's manifesting certain kinds of eccentric behaviors. And the other day I happened to mention, you know, he's doing a funny thing around five o'clock every night when the sun goes down, he starts to whine and he paces the floor. He circles the floor and I said, it's, it's not like he doesn't know me. He just seems so disoriented. And by talking about it, one of the women there who was a nurse practitioner, she said he has sundown syndrome. Did you ever hear? And she said, elderly people have that who happen to sleep a lot during the day and they identify the time of day by the position of the sun. So if he's an old boy and he's sleeping a lot, he really is disoriented at night. So now I leave all the lights on and I talked to my vet and there's some homeopathic stuff that she recommended to me for him to try to relieve the stress. And, sometimes I give him a melatonin, a very, very, very low dosage that just helps him sleep and stop the pacing, you know. Now, how would I, I mean, I was overjoyed. I was overjoyed to get that little piece of information, which to her was, 'oh, I know what that is.' And that's what I love. People that come together that want to improve their lives and want to grow and want to expand. That's just a unique group of kindred spirits and they just reinforce each other. And that little bit of advice or that little bit like I, I think, well, as you said, we could talk all day, so I'll finish on this one, but somebody once said like, I'd love an introduction to this person. Like, I wonder how I get to know them. And somebody else was like, 'oh, well I actually know their cousin.' So I think sometimes too that the musing and the serendipity that happens when we just give voice to something. Whereas when we get in our heads as over givers or people pleasers or overthinkers, we just draw out something for ages. And as you said, you just mentioned something and someone's like, I know. So I think that that is the power of, of community.
Sharman Nittoli:And you do walk away feeling good and that's, that's good. I like to bottle that and just keep that going. So, okay, Suzanne. I love talking with you and I'm just reminding everybody that on your, on the podcast page, all your, all your info is there and subscribe if they wish to a variety of places and learn more about you and your, your course sounds terrific.
Suzanne Culberg:Thank you so much.
Sharman Nittoli:Yeah. And your book sounds terrific too. So. It's been a place.
Suzanne Culberg:You send me your address, I'll, I'll post you a copy of my book if you like.
Sharman Nittoli:Oh, that's nice. Thanks. That's so nice of you. But thank you so much, Suzanne Culberg. I, I wish you a lot of luck and joy and good health for you and your family and for continue touching all the people that you are touching.
Suzanne Culberg:Thank you so much. This has been a pleasure.
Sharman Nittoli:Yes.