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To help people who help people, the organization needs to be healthy and have practices in place that consider the trauma of those they serve. Lauren Spigelmyer and Jessica Doering have helped thousands of people who help people all over the world. Each week they'll explore tools, insights, and stories to help you lead and live with more clarity, calm, and connection. If you’re looking for support as you grow your organization’s capacity for caring for staff and the community, we would love to be part of that journey.
Returning to Us
Problem Solving
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The last step in our emotional intelligence blueprint is problem-solving. Our recent episodes have discussed several steps for self-regulation. Once you put the first 3 into place, this important last step cannot be missed.
The first 3 steps are:
- Learning to categorize emotions
- Create a calming corner / Zen Zone
- Use calming & coping strategies
Problem-solving is so important. The primary goal is to first learn how to calm yourself down. The important next step is learning to prevent the problem that caused elevated emotions.
We want kiddos to calm themselves down and also learn to respond differently. This last step helps them learn a replacement behavior or a solution to that particular problem trigger.
The 4 short steps to problem-solving are discussed in detail in this episode.
IMPORTANT: Keep this conversation short and sweet. No lecturing. No rambling.
- You felt
This validates their feelings and reduces the potential for defensiveness. - I felt
Builds empathy and compassion, by sharing how their behavior made you feel. - Problem
Identify the actual issue. - Solution
Come up with potential solutions together. When kids are included, they get to take ownership in the problem-solving process. You get buy-in and motivation from them to implement the chosen solution.
Scripts to use for each of these steps:
- I think you were feeling………
- Don’t assume.
- Avoid shaming or blaming words.
- I was feeling………..
- Keep it short. No tangents.
- State the problem.
- Let’s come up with ideas together to fix this problem.
- 3 to 5 solutions is a great place to start.
- ALL ideas are written down, regardless if it’s possible.
- Pick a solution together.
Imagine life if adults would use these steps with each other! This often doesn’t happen. By teaching this to kids, they will carry this skill forward into their teen and adult life.
I answer this week’s listener question during the episode: It can be difficult to make self-regulation, etc., basic enough for preschoolers or younger kids as this can be an abstract concept requiring very abstract thinking.
I give some tips on starting with the basics, then breaking it down for kiddos.
Try at home tip: Water Intake
Several blog posts on The Behavior Hub website discuss similar strategies:
- Disarming Communication: Give Children a Problem to Solve
- ALL the Coping Strategies for Your Kiddos
- The First Step to Emotional Regulation
- Do you have a question? Let us answer it in a future episode!
Email questions to podcast@thebehaviorhub.com or send via text to 717-693-7744. - Subscribe to our mailing list and find out more about the Emotional Brain.
- Check out our Facebook Group – Raising and Teaching Respectful Children
- The Behavior Hub website
- The Behavior Hub blog
Struggling with behaviors? Not sure where to begin?
Schedule a free discovery call and let me be your Guide.