Mind of Snaps Podcast

Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 29 - "Give Yourself A Break"

October 29, 2020 She Snaps Season 420 Episode 29
Mind of Snaps Podcast
Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 29 - "Give Yourself A Break"
Show Notes Transcript

Welcome to "Give Yourself A Break" - the 29th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Thursday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 has been so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help. Become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.

The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!

Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

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You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday, and as of September 2020 - every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Unknown Speaker :

Hello, my lovely friends. Happy today. I'm feeling chipper as fuck. Ready to have an awesome day with you? Yeah. Yay. Thanks again to everyone who has chosen to support the Patreon. I appreciate you all immensely. And I'm still just so damn excited to continue to learn and grow along with you. We got, we got a lot ahead of us. Our journeys are now intertwine, regardless of whether you stay a patron or not we are in this together and I really, really mean that. Since you all do so very much for me, and for this amazing community. I really wanted to remind you today, I keep my DMS open everywhere for a reason. I may not always be able to respond quickly. But genuinely I'm so happy to hear you out on whatever it is that you're going through or if you have advice questions that you want me to answer privately. I'm game You will never be a burden to me. If you choose to reach out on a hard day, or honestly, even on an exciting day and you just want to share something you're proud of yourself for. Like never, you will never be a burden to me I really, really mean that. I, I don't feel drained by even the saddest of exchanges anymore. So please lean on me, let me help if I can. Too many people worry that by leaning on me, it wears me down. And I'm very grateful to be in a mental space where it does not anymore. Your pain is not something you have to carry alone. Together, we can start to lessen the load that you carry on your shoulders. you hand it over to me bit by bit and I'll I don't know I'll feed it to goats or something. I can't promise that I'll always have the answers or that I have any answers really, but I am always happy To listen, always

Unknown Speaker :

moving on, kind of a little heavy For a second there, but this week, I want to talk to you about giving yourself a damn break once in a while. Yeah, I'm looking at you. You can't see me, but I'm looking at you. Or maybe even finding some ways to give yourself a break deliberately, on a daily basis. I speak to people every day about the issues that they're facing in their lives. And one of the most common things I run into is people who just cannot seem to give themselves a break. I even tweeted yesterday, give yourself a break, you're doing the best you can. And the responses were heartbreaking and also, from my perspective, almost silly. So it's just it's so often that people limit themselves so heavily with their language, it can really clue you into The belief systems that they have regarding themselves and so many are so very limiting. This is one of the reasons I try to push so much information out about how our brains work. I want people to see what I saw that they don't have to take all of their perceived shortcomings. So personally, the realizations you have all the areas you can grow and learn and learn to be better or healthier in the future. Those are not reasons to beat yourself up for not having figured it all out sooner. Just take the lessons start moving forward to the best of your ability, there is no need to shame yourself. Just act. You are not battling anything that represents who you are as a person or spiritual being or whatever. The goal is simply to bring awareness to more moments of your life. So you can see them as what they are, and then decide if you want to experience them again or not. Have an angry day. Notice it, acknowledge it, then think about it. Do I want more angry days? If the answer is no dope, you now have your next little project. You can take the time and pay close attention to all sensations relating to anger. start feeling it rising in your body, start noticing the angry or the agitated thoughts as they emerge, so you can decide what to do then in there. After time. You may even notice earlier signs of anger beginning to show its face. And then you'll have even more room to change direction if you'd like. Take deep breaths, go for a walk. reframe the situation in your mind, whatever. The noticing is the first part. Learning to notice and act without judgment is the second but it's certainly a challenging task. It is so worth the effort though. When it comes to anxious or depressive thoughts and feelings. The concept is the same. You aren't being punished This is not a sign that you're doomed or cursed or that there's something wrong with you. You're not broken. None of what you're feeling is associated with who you really are behind all of your roles. So on days when you don't feel your best, having that awareness can help you to see through the fog a bit quicker. So you can not just feel better sooner, but except that it's perfectly normal and okay to not feel great. Now, with mindful awareness, meaning awareness without judgment, you can explore the feelings of sadness, of grief of anxiety, you can examine them and question them up close. Why does this thought stings so much? Why do I feel like I'm supposed to have everything together by now? What would I like to be feeling and how can I start working to get there? Now it's important to acknowledge that I'm not trying to say When in the midst of a major depressive bout, all you have to do is think happy thoughts and you'll be healed. I know it is so much more complex than that I've lived it. But the last question, what would I like to be feeling? And how can I start working to get there could help you become aware of so many options available to you. Maybe there's room to change up your routine to include more exercise and sunlight. Maybe it's time to reach out to a friend or a professional. Maybe there's some potential discomfort that you've been bringing into your life via a poor diet or unhealthy mindset that you can now take some time to put a little work into even just a little. When we notice these things, these thoughts and behavior patterns, these bodily sensations of pain, and we're able to do it without judgment, the whole experience changes. We should all be working to bring awareness into as many aspects of our lives as we can because every area we feel we're suffering. In that is an area just primed and ready for massive growth. Remember, I know I've said this before, but growth is not a punishment for inadequacy. There is nothing wrong with you. We all all have room to grow. Try not to let your perception of the world around you or the way that people represent themselves on social media or out in society convinced you that anyone out in the world has all their shit together, because they do not. One of the beautiful things that comes along with letting go of the need to judge all of your actions and thoughts and progress in life is the ability to laugh at yourself. We have got to stop taking everything so damn seriously. It's okay to laugh and joke about where you are versus where you'd like to be as long as you're not like shaming yourself. self deprecating humor has no place here. That's not quite what I'm getting at. But But let me give you an example of What I feel is kind of a good representation of what I'm discussing here. So Alex and I read this book on Saturday called Who Moved My Cheese? If you've read it What a fucking book thanks to Wolfie for sending that in the in the gift pack that was from everyone in the stream all those kinds of people who chose to send that very nice gift our way. Anyway, it's such a great book that I think we're honestly going to start doing monthly discussions on this book via Patreon because it is that fucking good. Anyway, we'll talk more about that later. So we're reading this book together. And in this book, there are four characters which are presented with the same problem to solve. Each of them handles the issue very differently. The book is comical and so well stated. We found ourselves laughing out loud, about just how many times in our lives we were each of the different characters in the book. Some leaned in to change and challenge. Others totally resisted. Some sought out solutions to their problems. There's waited for the problem to change on its own. I must admit, by the end of the book, I found myself feeling a bit prideful of the idea that he and I had both come so far. We identified with a certain character more than others, and it made us feel like we had done a great job of creating new mindset mindsets for ourselves. Yay us, the rest of the day breezed by and on to the next day we went. So now it's Sunday, and we're both excited to get all kinds of work done. But it's also the weekend and we deserve a bit of rest and relaxation, too, right. So we spent a lot of the morning together, we were just chilling, having coffee, reading fucking around online. And then we separated to our respective offices to get our work done. less than an hour later, both of us are deep in the zone of work, and we're interrupted by the real estate agent trying to sell our house asking if we can do a showing only an hour or two later. Let me tell your friends the shit hit the fan. I have put so much fucking time and energy into releasing my anger that I once felt was a part of me. But sure is shit. That was the first fucking thing to surface after my expectation for a full day to myself was shattered. Suddenly my ego jumped into action and started throwing thoughts at me like, how dare they reach out and ask to do a showing with only a couple hours notice? Do they know that I work from home and they'd likely be interrupting me Of course they know I told them Don't they know that we have dogs and left to move them around in order to do a showing. Then it went quickly from anger at them to anger at myself. I fucking knew I should have gotten all my cleaning done this morning. I knew it. I vacuumed and I did some little things like laundry but I wanted to do more and I should have I should Have Known I wouldn't get a full weekend to myself, my work and catching up with stuff around the house. I'm so dumb for letting the house get this messy again. We were doing so well with keeping up with it. Fuck so dumb. So I responded to the realtor asked if we could reschedule because the driveway isn't plowed and we're working and blah, blah, blah, just in case they responded with this is the only day I started rushing around to get work done around the house, so be more presentable for a showing. I went and told Alex the same and he had to stop what he was doing as well. So then just having been in the same room with him, my frustration with myself suddenly turned on him, because I noticed that he was upset about the interruption as well. My brain clearly recognized that there was a way we could shift blame and lessen the anger towards myself. So it began directing all the angry thoughts at him. Now, it's important to note I think that this was an internal process. I didn't hurl insults or blame or anything like I didn't say shit, but I did. Go into the kitchen and start working And cleaning probably a little aggressively. While my brain just went off about all of the reasons why the current predicament we're in was his fault, not mine. So the realtor realtor responded and said we'd reschedule and then the feelings turned back again to shame. What if that was our one shot? I'm so stupid to allow this opportunity to pass I should have just said sure. Come on over and then done my best to clean up. What if they did come and they were disgusted because the house is so filthy, and they're neat freaks. The thoughts went on and on until I finally hit my limit. And the awareness I had been working so hard to create finally rejoined me. Wait a minute. I'm feeling angry right now. I have a strong desire to break things or scream or punch things or hurt myself in some manner. This isn't me anymore. I've realized that I would much rather be feeling peaceful again, of course, and reminded myself that the judgments wouldn't help me at all with cleaning the house, or ensuring I keep it cleaner. So this doesn't happen again. I quickly stopped scrubbing the sink, stood up straight, took a deep breath. And then I thought, okay, when was the last time I felt really peaceful, and I closed my eyes to let that memory surface. It had been a special moment literally that morning, while I was snuggled up next to Alex and I know Ooh, listening to music and watching the dogs have a good old puppy Rumble match. And in that moment, I had really sunk into it. And I had done my best to commit as many details as I could to memory for this exact purpose. Well, not just for when I'm feeling frustrated, or whatever, but so I could have something to keep and hold on to that helps me feel good and reminds me of how much I have to be grateful for. So just bringing that to mind. Cloud started apart angry sensations faded fast, and the thoughts very quickly turned to It's okay, you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Let's make a plan. So we don't run into this again. And then went in and I talked to Alex and we both hugged and talked about how to be better at handling situations like this in the future, and how to do a better job of keeping up with our house. And for the record, it was never fucking filthy. Like the way that my brain was just like, everything is the worst. It really wasn't even that bad. Our countertops, we just don't have a lot of them and they love to accumulate shit fast. So in a moment, it feels overwhelming, but then five minutes of cleaning and purging later and I'm like, Oh, it was just okay, that really wasn't that bad fuck. Anyway, so Alex, I worked for the next few minutes to update our joint to do is to count. We put in a bunch of tasks that we knew we should do today, a bunch that we knew we should keep up with on a weekly basis, and just, you know, worked through our plan. As we assigned the very last task in the system. We both looked at each other and started to laugh. are memories of sitting there reading that book feeling so high and mighty came back to us? We felt so silly, especially because it was only the day before that we had sat together praising ourselves for being so much more peaceful than we had ever been. And for being such high achievers, it was a really hilarious reminder to us that we weren't where we thought we were, but it's okay. We needed that reminder to come and slap us and say, Hey, you thought you were done being ruled by expectations? Hmm. Let me just hit you with this and see how you do. So this isn't a sign of forgotten my own messages about how expectations are just mood killers. It's just a reminder that the thought and behavior patterns can have a longer lifespan than we think sometimes. I didn't take two steps backward. I'm not falling off my path. I'm not failing at my task of eliminating the hold expectations have over my mind. This isn't anything more than a reflex. that hadn't been triggered in this particular way yet. Now that I see it, I can work on it. So think of all the ways you're struggling lately. Think of all the times you've beaten yourself up for little things. Make that the focus of your week to notice the judgments you place on yourself and the way you evaluate something as silly as a essentially reflective thought pattern. Find ways to empower yourself by reminding yourself that it's not your fault, you're in this position, but it is up to you to change it. judging yourself for the ways you feel you've lost control will not help you to regain it. So just to kind of wrap that up. Imagine the same concept applied to a different situation. You've decided you want to improve your self control, right? You struggled with cravings or with angry thoughts, impulsive behaviors, you tend to pace and click pens and tap your foot a lot, whatever. You don't want to do that anymore. You've worked really hard to create a mindset where you feel like you're learning largely in control of your body in your mind. You sit still, you're peaceful, you feel great. You go into the doctor for a routine physical. And while sitting on the table, the doctor does that knee jerk reflex test. She bops your knee with the weird little Bobby tool thingy, and your leg immediately kicks out, she goes to do the other knee and you think no, I'm in charge, I will not move my leg. She bops it in the leg shoots out again. You go home that day thinking you're a failure because she just proved you have no self control. It's just a fucking reflex. It's not something you deliberately chose to do. Granted, there is a big difference in your leg kicking out and your thought patterns arising due to triggers. But either way, you didn't choose those thoughts in the same way you didn't choose to let your leg kick out. The dope thing is, you can't stop your leg reflex but over time, you can start changing the way your body and mind react to various triggers. judgment will not be the thing that gets you there. The sooner you can stop and laugh at how life has shown chosen to show you your next task to work on, the sooner you can get to work on it. Again, the challenge for this week is to bring more awareness into your automatic actions and responses. Lose the judgment for them and start working on changing them. Be kind to yourself, you are doing the best you can. And seriously even if you're not, judgment won't help that either. Just resolve to do better and take action quickly. You got this. Now go kick some ass and manifest dope shit. Love ya. Bye