Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 30 - "Hello, Fear, My Old Friend"

Welcome to "Hello, Fear, My Old Friend" - the 30th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Thursday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 has been so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help. Become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.

The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!

Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

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You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday, and as of September 2020 - every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker : 0:00

Hi friends, Happy Monday or whatever day it is that you're listening to this and I don't know if it's morning or night but happy whatever that is to. For me, it's Monday morning. And I'm excited. I'm sitting here at my desk recording another positivity podcast for you which, as I've said before, I very much enjoyed doing. I'm hoping that your weekend was lovely. And I'm hoping that this week is already starting off strong for you. I'm even flexing right now just to really emphasize strong hope starting off strong. I'd like to start things off as usual, by thanking you all for your support. And by letting y'all know that I have added something to our Patreon and that is the option to participate in a monthly webinar discussion. Anyone who is at the positivity podcast here, which is the $10 Tier or higher, can now it's have these discussions. I've scheduled the first one for Saturday, March 21, at 1pm Central Time, hopefully that time works well for everyone. What I would like to see happen before that time is for anyone who wants to be a part of the conversation to seek out and read the book, Who Moved My Cheese. Keep in mind, the title may sound silly, but this is a powerful book and it's really short. Alex and I read it together within a couple of hours, I think. And that was with us reading it out loud to each other. So looking at the description on Amazon, it says the paperback version of the book is only 95 pages I think that there's you know, some some of those, there's not really much on them other than acknowledgments and stuff like that. So if you'd like to attend this discussion, you do have a good amount of time to get through the book beforehand. And it is, it is an important one I think you'll really enjoy it. So even though mine Tension isn't to strictly discuss the book, but also discuss our mindfulness and our mental health practices and how we're doing with them. The book will be an important part of the conversation. So if you haven't read it, you may feel lost. I don't want that to happen. We will be doing a webinar through zoom meetings as of right now from what I've seen, which means you will have the option to participate through video chat as well. If you're into that sort of thing. I think this could be a really great way for us to get to know ourselves and each other even better. So I really hope that you'll all be able to attend. So Mark that on your calendar March 21 1pm, central time, it's a Saturday tried to schedule a little late later in the afternoon, so people from different time zones can hopefully tune in easily.

Unknown Speaker : 2:50

Regardless of whether you participate in the webinar or not. I do want to thank you again for all of your support. Patreon is beginning to grow and get more traction and I am credibly grateful for that, and I really just, I'm thankful for you. So thanks again. Moving on to the actual podcast for today. This week, I'm facing a period of intense transition. And as such, I've had to welcome in an old friend again. That friend is fear. As many of you are aware, my boyfriend and I are working on moving across the country to start a new chapter of our lives in Arizona. Alex and I met through my stream, we were playing Destiny, and we started dating in May of 2016. just crazy looking at the times now, at the time, Alex was still living in Phoenix and I was here in the suburbs of Chicago. So our relationship had to begin as a long distance one. And let me tell you a long distance is hard work. We broke up twice in the beginning of our relationship, and at the time, I remember it being incredible. doubly hard. At one point, I even thought for sure that Alex and I were done and over with. And while I was really heartbroken, I still found myself feeling so grateful for ever having met him because I really, I knew I would never allow myself to be in any relationship again, if it didn't match my newfound standards. So like whatever happens in my future, this is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Fortunately, Alex and I did find our way back to each other quickly, and we managed to redefine our own relationship and an even healthier way. We promised each other that we would do our best to live our own independent lives, without stressing over the status of our relationship, which is challenging when you're doing long distance, it can be really easy to feel like, like you're falling out of favor with them, you know. So we worried a lot less about how much time we spend on the phone together each day. We focused a lot more on taking good care of ourselves. We knew that we wanted to live together and make this relationship into something that we could hold on to. And we knew that it wouldn't last, if we were only focused on each other. Our long distance relationship really forced us to have stronger communication than I could have ever expected. And for that I will forever be grateful. So, in January of 2018, Alex made a major sacrifice for us and uprooted his life to move back out to Chicago so that we could live together. He lived here when he was younger, he moved to Phoenix when he was a teenager and then moved back for me. Wow. So we had done long distance for well over a year and a half. And being able to live together was such a wonderful change from only having at most a week together at a time. Usually it was like a few days. We got really comfortable together and the last two years have honestly been such a beautiful thing. Now don't get me wrong. We have our problems just like any relationship, but thanks to the community skills we built during our long distance time. We've never really fought. You know, we have disagreements, discussions, arguments even but no fights. It's fucking great. I started to recognize though, that while our relationship felt good, and we felt comfortable together, Alex didn't really seem like his full self out here in Chicago. He had gotten used to living in a city in Phoenix surrounded by friends, family and business opportunities. Out here in the boonies of the burbs. He had far less job options. And since so many of my friends and family members out here are busy and have kids, his social life suffered as well. Initially after noticing this, I kind of tried my best to ignore it and just believe that we could somehow recreate a similar lifestyle to what he had out in Phoenix just out here. We try. We tried, but living the life he used to live or even getting close to it was real. really fucking hard, especially given our deteriorating financial situation, finding a job out here that could pay him well and offer anything near the flexibility and the benefits he used to have was nearly impossible. So he ended up driving for Uber and Lyft, which was definitely a nice reprieve for him from the corporate job he left but I could tell wasn't satisfying to him. Alex has always been a highly motivated individual. And over the last two years, I've watched that level of energy slowly wane. selfishly, I kept thinking there was something I could do to correct our situation without having to change much. The house that we're living in is the same house I grew up in as a child. I moved into this house with my family in third grade, lived here till I was 18 then moved out, and then I moved back in again when I was like 25 I think now, I'm 33 Heading towards 34. And I stream from an office that used to be my late sister, late older sister's bedroom. I stare out at the yard I played in with my friends and family members. The trees we used to climb, I go to sleep looking up at a ceiling that I used to see when I'm crawling between my parents at night after a bad nightmare. As you can imagine, I have a deep emotional connection to this house. The idea of leaving it is not only heartbreaking, it's fucking terrifying. I've spent so many years of my life in this house in this town surrounded by the same folks. And suddenly I was starting to become aware that this house in this town no longer seemed right for the path that my boyfriend and I are on. I had moved into this house again when I was you know 25 or whatever, because I believed it would fit in with my life goals at the time. I was still working my corporate job I was in a long term relationship but was unfortunately abusive. And my ultimate goal at the time was to turn myself into a person worthy of a life and family we could create in this house. Now here I was years later recognizing, realizing finally that I'm not the same person who first moved back in here. I'm not the same person who felt like this was the right place to settle down and start a family. In fact, the subtle down part has become a lot less important to me over the years. I'm more interested in getting more active, more engaged and living a fuller life, while creating a family with the person I love, especially now knowing that I don't have to turn myself into a person worthy of his affection. You know, I'm in a healthy relationship with someone I care about who cares about me. So, I found myself in a bit of a predicament. Here I was in the house that I thought I'd live in or have forever becoming aware That this house was not helping me, Alex or our relationship, but rather was hindering it. The lifestyle that we discussed wanting simply is not available to us here. The person who Alex enjoys being stifled here more than he is in other areas. I spent a few weeks locked inside my own mind trying to figure out what to do. While fear did its best to navigate me back towards the life of stagnation, through promises of everything will work out if you just stay here. And through intimidation tactics of what will you do if you move and someone you love passes away? How will you feel then about your selfish interest in moving? What happens if you fail? It finally clicks for me one day though, and I told Alex that I thought we should move to Phoenix. It fits in so much better with the life plans we've discussed countless times before and it will allow us the freedom and flexibility to begin working harder on manifesting our dreams. I honestly thought that once I committed to it, the fear would decrease, I'd be able to easily convince myself that it wasn't fear but excitement that I was feeling in my body and all would be well you know, just totally shifted. And for the most part, this honestly kind of has been the case. I have been feeling excited as fuck for this move. Even though I know that we will be facing all kinds of challenges to make it happen. Now, here we are. Our plans are in motion or move from Chicago to Phoenix is a goal we are now working towards actively, and we just made a major step recently in booking Alex's flight to Phoenix. He has a one way ticket out there that leaves on Saturday night and shit just got real for us. Suddenly fear is showing up even more than it was before. I No, I like

Unknown Speaker : 12:01

no it

Unknown Speaker : 12:02

deep in my fucking soul. This is the right move for us. But that does not stop fear from being a big ass about the whole situation. I have had several nightmares where Alex made it out to Phoenix, realized that he loved his life there and didn't want me to be a part of it anymore. And as a result, he broke up with me. I've had horrible flashes of fear that he will somehow get hurt or that once he moves, something will go wrong and we won't ever find our ways back to each other. So since we booked his flight, I've been going between calm and even joyful states of mind, and fearful and sad states of mind. I'm joyful, because I know that this is right. But I'm fearful because I also know nothing is promised. I'm grateful because I know that even if something does go horribly wrong, and the life we've planned out doesn't happen. I'm blessed to have had so many wonderful experiences with such a truly special person. Now to take a brief detour here. I know many of you are aware that I'm an advocate for the therapeutic use of psychedelics, I think they can help us to heal and grow in ways that are profoundly helpful. And the lessons that we learn through psychedelic trips are ones we carry with us for a lifetime, or at least we can write integration. When it comes to tripping. It's incredibly important to have two things in mind before you jump into an experience with an altered state of consciousness. Those two things are set and setting. Set being mindset, how you view things, the story you apply to the situation you're in how you're feeling at the moment you choose to jump in, how you plan to react to challenging or uncomfortable situations, sensations or experiences,

Unknown Speaker : 13:51

setting, being

Unknown Speaker : 13:53

the area you're in the people you surround yourself with the ways you structure your environment to meet your needs. And help keep you feeling peaceful, empowered, joyful, curious, whatever end goal you're seeking. Before beginning a trip, it is imperative to acknowledge that even the harder parts of the experience are valuable and necessary. Bad trips, which I feel like everyone knows someone who's had a bad trip. Bad trips happen from not managing those two things, and from resisting the feelings and emotions that emerge once the default mode network or the ego are kind of quieted a bit when moments of trauma surface, attempting to push them away can be unpleasant as fuck,

Unknown Speaker : 14:42

leaning into them looking for what that situation is trying to teach us. accepting that we have to go ahead and start working on untangling the mess if we want things to be clearer for us afterward. This is the type of mindset you want to have. This is the way To ensure that even the painful aspects of the experience are helpful to you and your goals, resisting does not allow you to start untying those nuts leaning in but getting a little bit of separation. That's what allows you to start pulling them apart, right? So this week, I'm going to encourage you to do what I know I will be doing a lot of in the coming weeks and months, doing my best to manage my set and setting. We are in the middle of a major period of transition. After Alex moves, it will officially be our last time living together under this roof. If our initial relationship phase was was chapter one doing the long distance thing, living in in Chicago together, this has been chapter two. And now here we are gearing up for chapter three, Alex and Jessica and Phoenix Woohoo. can't pretend that this is something that won't be incredibly challenging. For me, because I'm now some fucking Zen master. You know, just because I feel peaceful the majority of my days doesn't mean I won't have a lot to sort through now. This is an emotional time. I can't shy away from it. I fucking refuse to shy away from it. I refuse to allow fear to render me powerless or ineffective. As we start moving towards the life we want to create together. What does your life look like now? Are you in a period of transition? Should you be

Unknown Speaker : 16:35

how do you feel most days

Unknown Speaker : 16:38

you may not be tripping, necessarily, but you are experiencing a state of consciousness. And regardless of whether you choose to alter it, or work with it as is, you can make a massive impact on how things go and the way you grow by working with your fear. Remember that It's trying to teach you something. Remember that you ultimately can have the life you want. But the best things in life take hard work and sacrifice. Getting into shape takes hard work and sacrifice and soreness and effort. becoming a better communicator takes hard work and sacrifice and fucking up every now and then stumbling over your words, putting your foot in your mouth, learning to apologize. Being a good parent, being a good friend being a good you. All of these things take hard work and some form of sacrifice. Fear will try to tell you that it's not worth it, that you shouldn't take risks because you might fail. It is that those times that you should welcome fear in, say kindly Hello fear my old friend. Let's talk pushing the fear away will not less than the power it has over you. lean into it. This is easier when you have set and setting in mind often. What is my mindset right now? am I creating or maintaining a mindset of avoidance? Am I telling myself that everything is out to get me that I have bad luck that life sucks? Or am I aware that we all face challenges? Life is not perfectly peaceful for anyone. Then check in with your setting. Who are you surrounding yourself with? are you sticking it out in a job or relationship or an area that you don't like? Because you're worried about how much harder it might be to change? Are you around people who uplift you empower you inspire you? Or are you around people who are also allowing fear to rule their lives? Do you allow yourself to feel the whole range of human emotions available to you Do you cherry pick? Is your mindset all emotions are okay and deserve to be explored? Or do you believe that there are certain emotions that are negative and should be avoided? Do some deep dives this week, ask yourself some of these questions. I know I'm gonna be doing that. I've cried on and off the past few days a lot. Sometimes from joy and gratitude, other times from sadness, knowing this chapter of our lives is coming to an end. I've become fearful that things will get worse before they get better. And I've also been able to reshape those thoughts into reminders that regardless of whether they get worse or not,

Unknown Speaker : 19:42

I can handle it.

Unknown Speaker : 19:44

A quote that I've shared before comes to mind here and I think I'm paraphrasing it but it's still important to cover.

Unknown Speaker : 19:50

Are you interested

Unknown Speaker : 19:52

in living the life of your dreams? Or are you committed to it? Are you interested or committed Commit now to managing your set and setting through acceptance through love through trust in yourself. Fear cannot hold back. Someone who doesn't shy away from it. Lean In, kick some ass. Make your life what you want it to be.

Unknown Speaker : 20:23

You got this.

Unknown Speaker : 20:26

You've got this