Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 38 - "Don’t Close The Drapes Early"

Welcome to "Don’t Close The Drapes Early" - the 38th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Monday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 was so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help.

To help, you can: become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.

The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!

Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

-----

Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!

You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday; Patreon archive positivity podcast episodes are available free for the community every Thursday at 4pm on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!

-----

Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

CONTENT --- Twitch | Youtube | TikTok
SOCIAL MEDIA --- Twitter | Instagram

Snap Pack, Best Pack - Join the Community Discord!

Transcript

Unknown Speaker : 0:00

Hello friends, Happy Monday or whatever day it is now that you've chosen to tune into this, I would like to start out by welcoming all of the new folks to this Patreon. I'm really excited to have you here with us. And I'm excited because I'm hoping that you'll be able to join us for our next upcoming video chat discussion. The next one is scheduled for the 25th at 1pm Central times, that's this Saturday 1pm Central Time, get all up in it. I've had some requests for later times for those. So maybe one of the next ones will be in the evening. I don't know I'm open to feedback from all of you on how to best schedule all of those sessions so maybe we can talk in the Patreon supporters channel in discord and discuss that a little bit more before I schedule the next one. So our last video chat discussion though it was really great. If you haven't yet you can watch the video from the discussion. By checking the pinned messages in the Patreon supporters channel, in our future calls, we won't be reviewing the book Who Moved My Cheese.

Unknown Speaker : 1:10

But I do still

Unknown Speaker : 1:11

recommend that everyone who hopes to join these calls, reads it in advance, or watches the video recap of the story, it can be really helpful for us to be able to check in based on some of the language and ideas that they introduced into that story for us. So please, even though we are not going to be breaking it down bit by bit and discussing it, the commentary on it will still be brought in. So please read that book. If you plan on joining us. It's super, super short.

Unknown Speaker : 1:41

Thank you,

Unknown Speaker : 1:42

again, everyone, for all of your support. I've been spending more of my time away from stream trying to think of even more ways to give back and to further support this community. And I'm really looking forward to implementing more of these ideas soon. There's so much that I'm trying to work on I have so many ideas So thank you again, for helping me to be in a position where I can do more. Today, I want to share something that occurred to me on Saturday evening, it was my day off from stream. But of course, not a total day off from work. So I'd spent most of the day in my office bouncing between productivity and nonsense before telling myself that I was going to give myself a break from devices. And from being in my office. Sometimes I feel a little bit stuck in here. And instead that I would just go out into the living room to relax. I brought out all my notebooks, my planner, my iPad, my little teeny tiny keyboard, all that if I wanted to, I could get some writing done if I felt the urge and so that if I had any ideas, I could write them down or Mark things on my calendar. My ultimate goal though, was to just sit and be peaceful to color, maybe listen to some Alan Watts and just enjoy my own mind. I'm glad had that I did not lean too much into the expectation of that actually happening. Because shortly after I started listening to an Alan Watts lecture and coloring in this mendala pattern I started a while ago, my phone started lighting up. And it was a friend that I love dearly. So we, you know, Converse back and forth for a little bit about what they were going through and experiencing. And at the end of our conversation, they shared with me that they were feeling especially vulnerable.

Unknown Speaker : 3:30

This word, it grabs my

Unknown Speaker : 3:32

attention in a way similar to the way the word need does. When I hear people talk about all the things that they need to do, I like to encourage them to quickly move towards accomplishing those things that they've already identified they need to do with vulnerability. It's different in the sense that I don't feel an urge to tell them to hurry up and do something right away right away right away, but instead I hear that and I get excited for them. Because I believe genuinely that if they believe or if they begin to pay attention to the feeling that they're having a vulnerability, they will quickly learn that it's actually a good thing. being vulnerable can absolutely be scary. But it is also a sign that you're starting to open up, not just to someone else but to life itself. And that is a beautiful, challenging and necessary thing. When we build walls around ourselves, with the belief they will protect

Unknown Speaker : 4:37

us.

Unknown Speaker : 4:38

We forget that those walls that keep others out, also keep us in. I'm certainly an advocate for filtering out as much of the toxicity of life that you can, especially in earlier stages of your journey, but to believe that we can fully protect ourselves from all bad things was certain Be a great way to frustrate ourselves for a long time. Many people I know have been scared to open up because they've been hurt before. And I could certainly understand that. But my friends, are you not hurting now? Are you not currently suffering as you imagine all the ways you'd suffer if you dared to open yourself up again. I have a hard time believing that anyone who is choosing to withdraw into themselves is feeling excited and energized by life. Especially because I know that when I was closed off, I wasn't just missing the bad I was also missing lots of good. My own anecdotal experience aside, be real with yourself. How much are you holding back? does it serve you? Is it an effective use of your precious time to be sitting there bouncing between ideas and choosing to do nothing Because you're worried someone might not like it, is that a good use of your mental energy to be sitting there wishing for a lovely relationship where you and your future partner have deep conversations about life, but every time your own life gives you an opportunity to go deep, you rush off to distract yourself from it is sitting and reflecting on all the ways you've been hurt from opening up before. Is that helping you? Or is that further solidifying a belief system that is keeping you locked in yourself? The idea of being locked in yourself is one that resonates with many with many, many people I talked to, but I think some of the same folks forget that they are the ones who walked in, so to speak, shut the door and locked it. They forget that they still have the key in their hands, but their fists are clenched so tightly in fear that they don't even notice its presence. vulnerability is a great thing for Nate brown talks about it regularly. I've even mentioned it in previous podcasts where I paraphrase Bernie Brown, who said you can either be courageous or comfortable, but not both. Well, I agree with her in the sense that you're probably not going to feel comfortable when you put yourself out there.

Unknown Speaker : 7:27

That's why they call it the comfort zone, right.

Unknown Speaker : 7:31

The thing I disagree with is the idea of being comfortable. It's easy for us to get ourselves into thinking I'm choosing the more comfortable safe path at this time. But what you're really doing is choosing one form of discomfort over another. You have chosen the discomfort that comes with closing yourself in. You have chosen the discomfort that comes with stagnation with feet. Like your growth has been stunted. Imagine being a six foot five tall person living in a house with six foot ceilings. They'd have to hunch over every time they move to the house, and they probably hit their head on the ceiling getting up every so often. It would seem likely that this poor person would become frustrated quickly and choose to move to a bigger house, right?

Unknown Speaker : 8:24

Well, this is

Unknown Speaker : 8:26

where many of you are right now. But you're not looking at the world as a place with more room to grow. You're looking through the lenses of fear, which tell you worriedly Oh, no, better not go out there. What if the next house is even smaller? How will we deal or maybe the fear is telling you sure there are places that I can stand up more but they probably have all kinds of issues that I don't have here with my lower ceilings. The sooner you accept that, whatever choice you made, could lead you to pain, but also could lead you to a beautiful new adventure. The sooner you can get on with your life and stop feeling trapped in a room filled with open fucking doors. Pain is a part of life. It is okay. It teaches us What does not work. It's not some punishment for doing wrong or for daring to love or try new things. When we're instructing children, it's always easy to tell them, Hey, get get back on that bicycle or get back on that horse that bucked you off of it. But when it comes to us in our adult minds, and putting that in quotes for all of you who are like an adult, yeah, I feel it. We add a whole mess of meanings similar or a whole mess of meaning to similar situations. And then we let ourselves believe that choosing to avoid pain is in our best interest. Let's pretend And that you're a child watching your mother cook something in the kitchen, you reach up your hand to see what she's up to. And as you do so you burn yourself a bit. No big deal, right? We've learned the lesson that stove tops equal hottest buck, and we can burn our soft skin easily on them. For an adult parenting a child, this is an easy fix. heal the wound, teach the lesson. Remember, this hurts and don't do that again. Now, let's get a little silly as we like to do and put an adult mind again, in quotes. In the same situation of being a mini human reaching out and getting burns, the adult mind will see the same situation and turn it into something so much different. Suddenly, it's not just hot, things are hot and can burn you so don't fucking touch. It would be like, Oh, this is why I don't even bother going into the kitchen. Or Oh, that's what I get for reaching for things. That'll teach me I'll keep my hands to myself. Then, or this is clearly my mother's fault. If I avoid her, I won't hurt like this again. We assign so much meaning to these situations, instead of just taking a lesson and getting back in there with a different approach. Like next time, use your mouth words, ask what your mom is making instead of trying to use your hands to find out. Easy peasy. Now, is this ultimately going to stop you from experiencing pain? No, of course not. You could change your approach. Go in there and ask your mom every day what she's making so you don't burn your hands. But one day, she may be tired and may yell at you to quiet down and give her a piece that may cause you some emotional pain. Again, this is where we simply repeat the steps and look for the lesson before trying again. We don't need to let this be the thing that tells us well, I'll never talk to her again because she might yell at me. We'll take that as a sign to maybe be a little more in tune with how she's feeling before just jumping into her space. When it comes to anything in life that we know we must work on, that we know we must try to grow out of, like our tendency to avoid being vulnerable and just hide ourselves away. We must seek to practice this as often as possible so that when those big moments arise, we are already aware that the best thing to do is just move with intention, knowing we may fail, and we may succeed, but either way we will grow. There are countless opportunities in our days to work on the things we know we should, but we save those away for later when we feel like we'll be ready to tackle our self confidence issues, our trust issues, our insecurity issues, whatever our own issues seem to be. The problem is Most of us, allow ourselves to go back on autopilot and just let our minds drag us through life. Rather than making conscious choices towards change.

Unknown Speaker : 13:12

The more you start bringing presence into your life, the more you'll notice these little opportunities, and the more likely you are to take advantage of them. Saturday presented me with such an opportunity. There I was sitting and talking with a friend about becoming more vulnerable. And then only an hour or so later, while chillin and coloring. I noticed the sun setting. I sat for a bit and I stared out at it, enjoying all of the lovely colors and just feeling so peaceful. And then suddenly my brain kicked in, close the drapes. without even thinking about it. I got up and I started closing the drapes in the middle of a damn sunset. Why? Because in my Mind. closing them early was the only way to fully protect myself from what comes after the sunset, the darkness. Being in a house with tons of Windows when it's sunny is lovely you feel like you can see out forever.

Unknown Speaker : 14:14

Being in a house with tons of Windows after the sun has gone down, can start feeling a little more like you're on display for the world that you can't see anymore, but that can see you. When I was younger and living in a different home with my family, we had had a problem with a peeping tom for a while. There was a guy from the neighborhood who would hide in the woods behind our house and whistle at my older sisters when they change at night if they forgot to close the blinds. Initially, it was easy to forget since we lived in such a seemingly private area and had woods behind our house. But after enough times of finding this stranger on our property attempting to invade our privacy, the idea finally clicked. We all remember to close our blinds and drapes after enough of his creepy shit. The memory of feeling powerless once before a feeling violated. A feeling like my privacy had been invaded, had apparently managed to stay with me all these years later, without me being consciously aware of it. It took one conversation about vulnerability with a friend before me getting up and closing the drapes early for it to finally click for me. I've been missing the full sunset for so long because of fear. Because of fear I didn't even realize I had until I stopped and brought some awareness to a previously unconscious action. When I caught myself closing the drapes early, I stopped and I dug through the thoughts a bit to find out why I was doing it and why I felt so strongly that it was the smart or the safe thing to do. It was only After digging in that I noticed where it had originated from in my belief systems, and I'm so glad I did. I live in a peaceful and quiet area right now. This is a very safe neighborhood. I have never had issues with any neighbors attempting to look in my windows here. And like really I've never felt unsafe here. Even in the dark if I were to go outside,

Unknown Speaker : 16:24

with all the lights off, I feel very peaceful.

Unknown Speaker : 16:27

Yet there I was in my home, acting as though I felt unsafe. How silly. I thought about it for a moment before flinging back open the rest of the drapes that I had begun to close and then settling down for a nice seat with a view. Sure as the sun sets, it does still get dark in my yard. Sure, there is the chance that someone could look in my windows at a time where they could see me and I couldn't see them.

Unknown Speaker : 16:56

But you know what?

Unknown Speaker : 16:57

I don't fucking care. I am not about to let some creep from my childhood caused me to miss out on sunsets now. I mean, they're fucking sunsets. They're beautiful and unique and I really enjoy watching them wherever I am. If someone wants to creep around and look in my windows while the drapes are open and the lighting is low, I hope they enjoy the view of me enjoying the view. So my friends, as you enter this new week, please do so with as much awareness as you can. Life is trying to show you Wales ways to heal, connect and grow, but you will not notice them. If you allow yourself to stay with those fears. Throw open those drapes because when you close them to avoid the possibility of pain. You are missing out on very real sunsets and I don't know about you But my past has stolen enough sunsets for me. I'm reclaiming those from this moment on. What could you reclaim for yourself? If you told fear to fuck off and allowed yourself to be vulnerable again?

Unknown Speaker : 18:21

Think about it this week.

Unknown Speaker : 18:23

And remember, as always, to manifest dope shit.