Anxiety Discussion w/ China McCarney, AAADF.org | Episode 06 - Mind of Snaps Podcast

It's a bit of a longer podcast, but I think it was a great discussion with China McCarney, founder of the Athletes Against Anxiety & Depression foundation, AAADF.org.

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

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Transcript

spk_0:   0:13
Welcome to the mind of Snaps podcast with your host Jessica, A. K. She snaps a popular twitch broadcaster, photographer, entrepreneur and mental. In this and future cast. Expect to fall along with snaps. So she learned more about her mind the world and her fellow humans. It could get messing here, but stick around and you might just learn something as you enter the mind of snaps. Hello and welcome to Episode six of the Mind of Snaps podcast. This week we're going to be talking about anxiety. I have special guests here that I'll introduce in a moment, but first I just wanted to clarify a few quick things. First of all, I know the audio in this episode needs some work. I actually reached out and have hired an audio editor slash producer Help me out moving forward. So he's gonna be helping me out with next week's episode about adoption, because I ran into a ton of different issues when I was attempting to put together today's podcast. It is being released on Saturday night, Friday. So there's some things mentioned in this cast that are not accurate in terms of date and time. Additionally, it mentions the Mental Health Awareness Discussion stream, which was originally scheduled for today, May 19th but has been postponed to May 20th. So if you're listening to this on the 19th and thinking that you missed, that is not accurate. The actual mental health awareness discussion stream will be tomorrow Sunday, the 20th at two PM Central. So if you'd like to participate, I'd love to have you there. And finally, I apologize for this week's episode being so long. But on the serious and unscripted podcasts, I think you can expect this moving forward. Some of these discussions are just simply too important and too long to be cut down. So rather than being focused on time, I'm focusing on getting that message across. So I apologize if this one is a bit long compared to what your preference is. But some will be short. Some will be long. Hopefully, you enjoy them all the same. Without further ado, let's get right into this. Okay, so we have China here with us on behalf of athletes against anxiety and depression. China. I would love to hear something from you, so if you could introduce yourself to our listeners and a little bit about your organization right now would be great.

spk_1:   2:37
Yeah, absolutely. First of all, thank you for having me on I'm super pumped to be connected with you, but, um, China McCarney is my name, and you have my foundation is the Athletes against Anxiety and Depression Foundation. It started as a social media movement in November of 2016 and it just kind of exploded on there, and I knew I had to do something more. And so I got the lawyers and everything in place to where I got it, where it needed to be and became a fully functioning 501 C three foundation in March of 2017. So we're just about 15 months also were young, but it's been incredible. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for about nine or 10 years now, and, um, hit it forever, which I know we're gonna dive into. But really, at what? What spawned me to start the foundation was really when I started thio to share and open up and realized that there was a community out there and I just wanted to strengthen that community. So that's kind of where the foundation was born in the last two years.

spk_0:   3:41
Great. Well, I mean, we talked about this a lot when we first got on the phone together. And for all the listeners, just as backstory. Our first conversation, I think we spoke for over an hour. Um, there's we have quite a bit in common here, much like everyone who suffers from some form of an anxiety disorder or any type of of mental health issues. It's like as soon as you find one other person with a even vaguely similar story, you're like, Oh, yes, I'm not alone. Okay, talking about this is good.

spk_1:   4:14
Absolutely. Yeah. No, it's, uh, definitely what I experienced. What? I hate it for six years. Um, and I was going through the professional baseball circuit trying to make it. And in that arena, for sure, you don't wantto let anybody know that you might have Ah, you know, a perceived mental weakness when in fact, it's not really weakness. It all it's just something that some people go through

spk_0:   4:36
so many people go through,

spk_1:   4:38
right? So many. And the statistics were, um, some of the most refreshing things to research for me early on. Um, it's like 70% of people deal with the mental health issue in their lifetime and that seven out of 10 people and yet we all feel like we're alone. And so those two stats or to fax that their 70% of people dealing with this and yet so many people feel alone in their struggle. There's a huge gap and something that needs to be fixed, which is the stigma attached to mental health issues. But definitely once I started to share a little more and realize how many people were struggling from similar if not the same things it opened up. A world of resource is in a world of confidence in myself that I didn't know was there for six years in my struggles.

spk_0:   5:22
Wow, it's such a shame that so many of us struggle in silence for so long. But it's such a great thing that organizations like yours exist for that exact reason. You have a name you're taking that you're taking this audience you already had, and you're expanding on it. And you're saying, Hey, we were just we were just kind of connected because of baseball before. But guess what? We're also all people. We're all struggling with stuff. I'm I am one of those people struggling. Let's talk about how we can all get better or how we can all work on this.

spk_1:   5:54
Yeah, no. And that's I mean, the athletic community is just kind of where my background wasn't. So that's where I started. But what I've loved even Maur, um, is just the community of people, for lack of a better term is where all humans we're all in this together and especially with something like this that is on the inside, the only way to change something. The only way to remove the stigma. His individuals coming together as a group and encouraging everybody to share their true story and who they really are. Because I think what adds to a lot of mental health struggles is you're not only trying to hide what you're going through, but in turn when you're doing that, you're hiding who you truly are. And that's one of the most painful things you can do because you're constantly living two different lives.

spk_0:   6:39
Yes, yes. And you're checking yourself constantly. Can I say this? Is this gonna is this gonna give me away? Are they gonna figure it out? It's It's a shame. So how how did anxiety first manifest for you? You said it's been how many years since, um, since you've been that you've been struggling with this.

spk_1:   6:57
So my first panic attack was nine years ago. It was the winter of 2009. But I would say worry. Nerves and anxiousness have been prevalent my whole life. I just didn't know what it waas Um, but once. So I was on a trip. I was driving, um, up north, and it was about a three hour drive in about 40 minutes in, I felt like I was dying. I felt I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know if I was having a heart attack. Um, I just got tingles all over my body. I was with a new girlfriend at the time, which great frickin timing

spk_0:   7:31
when you definitely do not have time for that.

spk_1:   7:34
Yeah, So it just attacked me and I was driving and I realized it was very unsafe the way I was feeling. And so I just told her I need to get off the freeway and long story short. I couldn't get back in the car to drive because I thought it had something to do because I was so unfamiliar with panic attacks or what? It just happened that my dad ended up having to drive out over on hour and 1/2 to give his than 22 year old son. Um And so in the months following its, you know, going to the doctor's getting tests and they're telling me it's all mental. You have anxiety or panic attack and the fuck words that went on when they're telling me that the most impactful physical sensations I've ever had in a negative way all came from my mind. I was so frustrated you

spk_0:   8:21
believe them right away. Or were you kind of low key thinking you're wrong? I'm sorry, but no, that that wasn't in my head. I felt that shit

spk_1:   8:30
right? Yeah. I wasn't even Loki. I was so frustrated with them and getting more opinions and this and that. But, um, it kind of went through this weird limbo phase because the next season started. And once I got back into my baseball routine, everything was decently. Okay, Andi, I would kind of hide it with other things that we can get into later on. But it's just slowly started to deteriorate to where I kept going deeper and deeper in the hole and hiding Maur more of what I was going through, especially as I started professional baseball and pursuing more and more of that. I just I was somebody on the outside and somebody completely different on the inside, and it really didn't get to a place where I could help myself until after my career ended, because I could distract myself with baseball based on the time of the year it was in the off season. I worked out like crazy in season. You don't have time to do anything. You're on a bus or you're playing. And so once that kind of ended and I had time to be with myself. Um, it was very clear very soon to me and no one I wasn't sharing with anybody else that I needed to get help. And I need to. If I was gonna live any sort of fulfilling life, I had to work on myself from the inside out right away.

spk_0:   9:49
Yes, yeah, well, it's I wonder now, knowing, you know, and you kind of probably can speak to this to knowing what we know now about mental health. I wonder how much of your anxiety was managed day today just because you had a set routine. You had a schedule that likely included a ton of exercise and social connections around it. Um, those air huge for maintaining any kind of well being as like a very small segment of all of the things we kind of need to be doing. But I think I've seen that same sentiment repeated. Everything was cool. I was doing this. I was really busy. And then you stop and it all hits again because that routine kind of isn't there, Which makes a big difference. And being alone with your own thoughts can sometimes just really mess with you when you've been trying to act like it was no big deal.

spk_1:   10:43
No, I think you had a spot on, and it's almost like for me especially. And I think people can relate to this because you kind of get into you, go to school, you go get a job, and it's kind of what we're supposed to do. Our that's what's perceived or what's supposed to do. And for me, it was like I was a baseball player from the time I was five. That's what I was told. That's what I was not brainwashed in a negative way. But that's just who I wasn't What? My identity waas. And so when that ended, a 25 years old, I'm no longer a baseball player. It's like, Well, then who the hell are you?

spk_0:   11:16
Yeah, when you have to define anything, you gotta start over. Basically.

spk_1:   11:22
Yeah, for he was like, Wait, I have to define who I am. I don't want to do that. I'm terrified. No, leave me alone. So that was really the beginning at 25 which is now, I don't know if I wanna date myself six years ago, but yeah, it was like, Okay, what are my core values? What, like, what is gonna be my routine for mental health? Physical health? What am I passionate about? What I want to pursue. And in that alone, even if you don't suffer from maybe previous anxiety, that's gonna give most people nerves anxiety. You're looking at a bunch of big things that you have to define for yourself that you thought were being defined for you basically for 25 years, and you're starting over from scratch. And so I always tell people I didn't become an adult and I'm probably still not there. I love being a kid, but, um, I don't become an adult or at least start that path until after 25 when everything stopped being defined, you know, for me,

spk_0:   12:18
you know, see that it's funny that you say that because I tell people all the time. Part of the reason I started this podcast is because coming on to twitch was was like a life changing thing for me, not just because of what I get to do now as a result of it, but because of what it caused internally for me. I had an opportunity to realize that I was wrong countless times, and it kind of put me in this like, open minded position where suddenly I'm wondering, what else am I wrong about? Am I wrong about even myself? And there was something about twitch, and in this community, community in general is so important. But this this particular community really helped me see that I was doing what you were doing. I was hiding a very large part of myself, which was the part that was struggling every day to be happy. Even though I was smiling even though everything looked cool, I was really struggling. So part of the reason I started this podcast to go back to that is I keep telling people I feel like I just woke up from a coma and I'm looking at everything like, Holy shit, I really don't know anything. So I'm just I'm interested. I'm curious, But a lot of it started with, like, first, I need to understand myself a little bit, and then I'm just gonna branch out and start learning more about everyone else and more about the world and more about anything. So it's it's cool that it it brought both of us together here, and it's another opportunity for us to discuss that We're all kind of the same world dealing with this shit

spk_1:   13:49
now when you mentioned the word, the key word for me, which is community and it's especially, a lot of people deal with social anxiety disorder. When you start to go into that, you know, reclusive type lifestyle where you're very nervous to meet you people. You don't want to expose yourself. Maybe you're gonna have anxiety or whatever. It's so amazing when you start to like you said first to find yourself. But then you start reaching out to people and you start almost broadcasting, not in a negative way. It's just a cool way like, Yeah, I deal with anxiety and panic and then people start to reach out to you like, Hey, me too. Really. But it's like, Wait, there's all these badass people. Why is there a stigma attached to this thing? Most people are dealing with this. You see celebrities coming out on the daily. It seems like now it's like, Oh, yeah, I suffer from anxiety, attacks, panic, depression, everything. And you're like, Wait a minute, that's almost the rial passionate happened for me where I needed to start something myself because the organizations that I saw while they do amazing work a lot of a more scientific and clinical research and medication. This man, it's like, Well, where's like just the cool Kids club, like, where can everybody just hang out, create this community where it's like dude, be 100% of who you are because everybody's dealing with something and you start to build that community and you just feel that that positive impact of people coming together, which is so crucial in any movement Really? Yeah. One of the things that stood out to me is this, you know, misconception that success and a mental health struggle can't happen at the same time. And, you know, to go back to the earlier point where you see all these celebrities and all these people that are struggling with panic attacks with anxiety, with depression. And I think sometimes especially because of the stigma attached to anxiety, depression, anything mental health related is people get trapped in this stop process that well, if I'm going through a mental health battle, I can't be doing anything else. Yeah, and I think that was a huge change for me three years ago where I realized I'm just gonna take action every day if something bad happens. If I have a panic attack while I'm trying to buy toilet paper, it happens. But it's 20 minutes and I leave and I get to go home and I get to see my dog and I get to see my family and everything's fine. And I'm not gonna get into this routine that I was in for 56 years, where it's like I'm just gonna do the bare minimum so that I can get back home into my cave.

spk_0:   16:12
Eso you mentioned social anxiety And it's funny because in the twitch world, a lot of people see broadcasters and because we are, you know, going it seems, on our streams and reliably. And we talked to all these people. They assume that out in the world we are the exact same that we want to just walk up to everybody and talk. And some of us, yes, some of us are a little bit of a mix of introvert extrovert, but a ton of broadcasters have really bad social anxiety, and it it gets exacerbated by the lifestyle that we tend to live like I over the winter, especially, I started to get so scared of leaving my house and like I say, scared. Obviously it wasn't anxiety, but I think anxiety a lot of times manifests from fear, fear of all of the ba jillion what ifs that went through my brain about what was gonna happen when I opened that door. So for me to go toe like the local meet ups, even I'm pacing around my house the whole fucking day. Like, Okay, so these are all my friends. I'm just seeing my friends. It's cool. This is fine. But what if there's someone else there? What if they know me and they don't talk to me? What if someone's there that hates me? What if everyone there hates me and it's all those you know? What if What if? What if? What if so, I used to get so nervous. I still do a little bit, but it sucks that feeling of like, how do you even get myself out the door? So what? What did you start doing first, Thio, get yourself there where you could get to that state of mind and say, I know I have to go to the store. Something could go wrong, but I'm gonna do it anyways.

spk_1:   17:52
I mean, the first the biggest step I took at first was going the therapy which I never wanted to go. That was the biggest step. I never will never forget exactly where I was. I was in the habit giving food. And I had a panic attack where I almost left the food that I had already paid for. It was to go order, of course, but I'm not gonna sit there socially like, but I almost left the food there and I got back into my car. I'm sweating. I've got, you know, the fight or flight thing going. And I'm like, I need help. And so I went to my, you know, first therapy appointment. Um, I've done some in the past, but this was years before, and I just remember that first conversation where she basically confirmed everything I kind of knew. But it's like, Hey, this isn't a huge deal. You're going through something like so many people. Do you realize that I have a job because a bunch of people come in here and talk to me about the same things? I got it and I got into this field because I don't want the same things. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, And that was that first little ah ha moment of I'm not alone. And so, yeah, it wasn't. And it's still like where I always try to caution people about like, Well, how do I eat this? And it might not be a winner lost. It might just be that you get better at performing with the anxiety and everything like that. And so for me, it was just continuous work like that. Therapy, meditation, nutrition, And we're gonna talk about resource is But, um, there was eat dark times like you talk about pacing about your house around your house before events like that. I mean, if there was a little traffic jam on the way to work, I felt like I was gonna pass out in my car.

spk_0:   19:28
I just lost control being late. Uh, stuff too much, man. I want to be there 15 minutes early, usually so that I can stare at. Everyone is they're walking in the door instead of me being the one that's running in five minutes late, and everyone's looking at me because then my brain is in that mode of, like, trying to read all their minds and imagining that everything they're thinking is terrible,

spk_1:   19:50
right? Right now. And I think you know, a CZ time goes by and I'm sure you can relate to this too for your listeners. and community, and everything is like one thing I've started to try to do a lot, especially recently, is reflect on very simple victories. And I'll document him a lot of time for the foundation and just posted on social media, where, like I'll go to the grocery store, I'll get groceries. I'll get my car and think nothing of it. I'm like, Oh, my God, Two years ago, there were times where I couldn't go to Target and get my groceries that I needed just and I have no idea why, but the anxiety was flaring up then. And so it'll be like, Hey, guess what, guys? I just went to the grocery store, bought groceries and went through the drive through a car wash, and nothing was wrong. And it's like some people they look at me like, Dude, are you kidding me? But then the others, it's like exactly those are the little victories. You gotta just continue to reflect on how far, because we don't always remind ourselves of the progress. We tend to be on the other side of the spectrum, where we remind ourselves of the one panic attack in six months instead of Yes, 30 days. Yeah,

spk_0:   20:56
like I've really been struggling lately. And therefore everything is bad instead of like, actually the fact that I'm even recognizing the fact that I'm going through This is a big step for me, but I tell people from my community all the time, baby stuff are still fucking steps. Dude, are you walking forward? It doesn't matter. If you're shuffling, you're going the right direction. Keep going.

spk_1:   21:17
Absolutely. No, I completely agree. I'm just like my hashtags. There usually be the change in action. And it's just about taking those little steps, like you said, doing something every day to try to improve and being the change you wish to see in your life, which is a spinoff of Gandhi's thing, where you must be the change you wish to see in the world. But we have far more control. Um, from the inside, then we give ourselves credit for you could do a lot with, you know, self reflection and just focusing on the resource Is that air there Instead of focusing on what you're perceiving of your that are negative attributes that you have.

spk_0:   21:54
See, I think in that respect when we're looking at ourselves when we're attempting to look inward. I believe we have all the control, which which I think is so encouraging when when you take a moment and take all of the accountability for the way you're feeling and how you react to it and put it all on yourself. But in that same breath, remember that you are capable of anything that you know. This might be very hard, but we have all been through shit. It might not have been a mental health battle, but I guarantee every one of us in our lives has come upon something and been like there's no chance that I'm going to make it through this. But we focused ourselves, believed we could do it, and we did it. We don't really like to apply that same kind of confidence to ourselves a lot, so I try to reiterate that it's on you. But you conduce Oh, it you can

spk_1:   22:49
Yeah, you can do far more than you believe And trust me, it's just from experience, thinking there were things there's no way I could write a book. There's no way I could start a foundation, and it's nothing toe wear what I've realized. The biggest like epiphany over the last three years is it's not necessarily about intelligence. It's not necessarily about resource is it's just about the continuous action towards where you're trying to get to and eventually you will get there and there's gonna be people that have more experience than you in what you're trying to. D'oh! So talk to them. Success leaves clues. It's on. The first conversation we had on the phone is we talked the majority of the hour and 15 minutes about mental health and about what we wanted to do and stuff like that. But there was 20 minutes where I'm picking your brain, being annoying with questions about streaming. How do you do this? How do you do that? I don't know any of that, but because of your experience, you were able to answer Point me in the right direction, and I think, and this could be applied to anything in life. But if you just look at it from a mental health battle perspective, it's like if the beginning of the road is you're struggling and the end of the road is you're living a better life, not struggling as much and managing your mental health situation, whatever that may be, embrace that middle part of that him. Raise those steps, embrace that journey of every day, taking a step. And if there's a mistake made, you get to learn from that mistake and take two steps forward. And I think that's the biggest thing is, yeah, people get into more embracing the journey in the process of whatever life is. I think a lot of the mental health negative symptoms go away because you're not focused on a result as much as you are just focused in focusing on your progress. Yeah, everything like that.

spk_0:   24:37
Nothing good comes easily. I think that's something we need to be reminded of regularly because you see someone happy and you think they're happy. That's it, like they accomplished that or they just were that. You don't see that. Maybe that morning they took half an hour to meditate that they have been exercising, that they've been working on themselves, that they've been talking to someone, which I'm glad that you mentioned that as well because I think talking to someone like when I say all the accountability is on you, you are in control. That doesn't mean you're on your own. It means you are in control of what you do next. And what you do next might be identifying that you need help, that you need to talk to someone. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is great. It is another good thing that you're doing for yourself by bringing someone into it.

spk_1:   25:27
That is almost like a great slogan or tagline er, shirt where you said, you know, just because, like everything internal, it's all on you, the responsibilities on yourself you're not alone. And I think that vision, at least for me, the way my brain works like I want to write that down and see that every day where it's like you're in control of the action that you take. But their resource is out there to show you what are the correct actions to take? And, yeah, my first

spk_0:   25:56
step might just be Googling anxiety. It might be reaching out to a friend. It might be going to therapy, but it's still on you, no matter what your life is in your hands, and it has so much meaning and value and could go so many beautiful places. So just take that first step, whatever it might be. And don't be afraid to bring someone in on your journey. If you can't do it alone, there is no shame and not being able to do it alone because I know I couldn't. I started suffering from panic attacks at a super young age. I thought something was wrong with me, so I didn't tell people I was like somewhere between 10 and 12. I think,

spk_1:   26:37
Hey,

spk_0:   26:37
and they were brought on by me. Being around my family, it was social anxiety that that kind of triggered everything for me. The first time I was at a family party and we walked in, and it was like this big gymnasium with all my family and have a huge family. It's all my brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles are all running around in there, and I walked in and it was that first moment where my my anxiety kind of allowed me to believe something that wasn't true, where I looked around the room and because I didn't see extended arms for me right away. My mind was like they hate you, They don't want you here. So I I looked around quickly, couldn't see any quick connections. I turned. I walked down the hallway and this was at my church at the time I went into a random room, went into the closet, sat on the floor and I had a full blown panic attack. Just lost my shit. But I had no idea what I was doing. What was happening? I was just thinking like, I'm a little kid at the time. I'm thinking I'm dying. There's something wrong with me. And then when it stopped and the anxiety kind of subsided and I regained my breathing again, I just went back in there and was like, I'm not telling anyone that. Are you kidding me? No one needs to know that. I just had Whatever the fuck just happened happened.

spk_1:   27:49
Yeah,

spk_0:   27:50
it was really scary.

spk_1:   27:52
Yeah. I think anybody that's experienced the panic attack can relate to that. That 1st 0 yeah. Thank you for having me. Just brings those memories where you literally have no clue what you're going through. Um, which always makes it way harder to reach out for a resource when you don't know what resource you're supposed to be reaching out for, You know,

spk_0:   28:14
it's not sure you believe it, even because it seems like such a I feel like something in us. Maybe it's that, like that, like WebMD issue where you go, the goto Google something, and it immediately tells you the worst possible thing. So, like we, we have these feelings and these these symptoms that manifest in a way that we can clearly see like this seems like it's anxiety but were like, No, it's not just that easy. It's not just my brain, there is no way and I have a heart condition. So when I would get panic attacks in the past, a lot of times I think I'm actually having a heart attack like you, son. So even though I know I have anxiety, even though I know there's a chance for it to manifest like that when it happens, I still don't always put two and two together. I still deny my own anxiety a good amount of the time because I want maybe a few years without panic attacks at one point and then I have the same situation you did were like you were driving and it hit you and you're thinking I'm dying. I'm having a heart attack. Something is wrong. It's that overall feeling of impending doom and dread. I had that just in the middle of a business day. I'm at work, having a fine time. I wasn't stressed, wasn't nervous about anything. And suddenly my chest starts tightening. Suddenly, it feels like my heart is hurting. Suddenly, everything changed. My boss wound up calling an ambulance for me. And I remember being in the ambulance with the nasal cannula on with my oxygen hooked up and them showing me a monitor saying, Look, look, this This is your oxygen level. This is your blood oxygen level. You you can breathe. You are breathing. And I'm sitting there like clutching my chest like No, you don't understand. I can't breathe. You don't understand. I can't breathe and they're repeating. Look. Hey, look. Look at this. This big sign, this big monitor that's telling you very clearly. Oh, I think Michael. Okay, there we go.

spk_1:   30:12
Oh,

spk_0:   30:12
uh um, So basically, it

spk_1:   30:14
was

spk_0:   30:14
this this big sign saying, like, here is proof that you are breathing, and I refused to accept it. It was just too much for me to comprehend that my mind could be working that hard against me, that I could be seeing, seeing proof that I'm breathing and actually be taking breaths and still be like, No, I can't breathe. This is wrong. It's It's just so scary. But talking to someone really helps. When you see that, that's what everyone kind of goes through. Man doesn't make you feel better.

spk_1:   30:49
Oh, you mentioned one of my favorite words on this planet earlier, which is Google, because when I was hiding everything on my own, I would google everything and even to this day, business wise, anything I want to do. I started Google and I started reading these like blobs of this. Like I used to have this thing where I felt like I was like my tongue not swallowing my tongue. But I was choking all day, and I started reading these blobs of thousands of people of the same thing. I keep going to the doctor. They say it's just anxiety and it's just a very common form and this and that. It was like, Oh, OK, like now I know what it's like when you are first experiencing those? Yeah, they're just They're absolutely terrifying and nothing not a huge stat. I like to admit about myself, but during the real rough times, I had three EKGs toe like at urgent care because I thought I was having heart attacks. And they're like, No, you're stressed. You're having a panic attack. But

spk_0:   31:42
see, even I don't like to admit mothers. And what a shame that you feel like there's something wrong in admitting that Because, like we're even talking about anxiety, the purpose of this is to educate on that. And you still feel a little bit ashamed of the fact that your anxiety has fucked with you,

spk_1:   32:04
right? That's actually a great um, I'm actually happy that happened, because that shows you the subconscious level of once. That stigma actually is out there, and we're literally 32 minutes into a podcast. We're talking about anxiety and being okay with it. I'm still five years removed from my last e k g and saying, Oh, I don't like to admit this.

spk_0:   32:26
I don't like to admit this, but I suffer from anxiety while we're talking to suffering from anxiety.

spk_1:   32:32
Yeah,

spk_0:   32:33
Yeah, it's terrible. And I know um, like I had a panic attack on stream, I think twice now, but once for sure. And it kind of came out of nowhere. And I remember apologizing profusely. And I did this in my personal life too. If I had a panic attack around someone, it was all I could think about for the rest of the night. I am so sorry. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so sorry. I'm okay. I can't believe that happened. It never happens like all these justifications, like it's my fucking fault. Or like it. Like I should be upset that they were bothered by it. It's just it's such a shame.

spk_1:   33:11
It really is. And it happens. Believe you, me, I we'll have weighed certain things where I know it could be a trigger. And I don't want any attention to be on me when it's supposed to be about whatever the event is for example, weddings or whatnot. But it's like I don't want to take away from the wedding day if I have a panic attack and stand on the middle of the freaking ceremony and walk away. Um, but those are all the things that

spk_0:   33:36
Steve's work everything any other thing that you struggle with your anxiety is just going to remind you of that every day, like you're talking about weddings. And I'm just remembering like I get nervous before every wedding because my heart condition causes me to pass out, and it is most likely to happen when I've been standing for any long period of time. And that's when they did this thing called a tilt table test to determine that I have this thing called neural cardiogenic sink a peak. It also goes by vase a vagal syncope you, but basically like I stand up for a certain amount of time. My heart doesn't beat faster in order to keep the blood flowing, and instead it kind of drops down. And then I drop. So it took only 12 minutes for me to pass out on the tilt table test. So an average of 10 minutes standing is enough for me to get dizzy. Sometimes it's not all the time what this is like. The really frustrating thing about this is like triggers a kind of different for everyone. Heat and cold can impact at standing can impact it. So, going to weddings, I get extra anxious because I'm imagining that I'm gonna pass out in front of everyone which has happened before and like, you know how awful it is to walk into a room late and have everyone turn and look at you passing out. You don't necessarily, like, know that you've passed out until you wake up. So, being a person who was very anxious and very socially anxious, passing out in a public place and then coming to not even realizing I was out, like, kind of transitioning from this dream state to reality and you look up from the ground and there's people huddled all around you staring at you, it's like the scariest, most awful thing. And it has happened to me so many times that I get nervous about a lot of things. But I'm like, I can't do that. What if I pass out and then the anxiety kicks in? It is like, Yeah, what if you pass out? Won't it be terrible? Everyone will be looking at you. They'll all think you're fucked

spk_1:   35:40
up. Yeah, yeah, just

spk_0:   35:44
get out of the what ifs. And this is this is something that I really enjoyed when we had our first conversation, we talked about how the people in our family always referred thio anxiety by another term. They would always say, Oh, you're being a worry wart, right? And I I love that we both have that experience because it took years and years for me to, like realize, Wait a minute. We're not a family of warriors. This isn't us being worry wards what we have anxiety. He were being anxious like worrying is one thing. But worrying about everything all the time, over and over and over, to an obsessive extent is a little different.

spk_1:   36:26
Oh, absolutely, no, it's That's all I heard growing up and the other my favorite phrases, Right years work done. Just stop worrying. It's like, uh, yeah, stop worrying

spk_0:   36:38
about what I have

spk_1:   36:40
for you that aren't as nice. Um, but yeah, no, it's It's just figuring it out like we talked about kind of the the spectrum of, you know, you kind of don't know what it is. You don't know what you're experiencing. You start to figure it out and then starting to talk to someone which is my biggest like passion resource right now, because there's amazing resource is out there. Meditation, exercise, good nutrition. There's medications. There's a bunch of different things you can d'oh. But my biggest caution, like when people are hosting mental health awareness nights or they're doing different things. They asked me, like, What's the biggest a resource we should push? And it's like therapy is the first step. But in order to go to therapy, you must first admit that you need help. So you first have to come out of the you know you have to, except that you need that help. And you have to admit that you have this mental health issue, and that's the community I'm trying to create. That's my biggest passion is like no more being ashamed of who you really are. Are you kidding me with how many fucked up people there are for different reasons like and that it's not even like it's all stigmas. It's all judgments. It's like if we remove the judgments, we remove those stigmas, and we realize that these are all just human attributes. It's not being up fucked up. It's being human. And so the more we can embrace that community and get rid of these negative judgements high highs got anxiety are always panicking, girl. Especially like it's just brutal in the athletic arena, regardless of gender. And it's brutal and different walks of life, different professions. And you know, we don't want to go down that rabbit hole with the current temperature of just nasty things going on behind the scenes and Hollywood corporate America different stuff like that. But it's like enough for the pushing people away like let's create a community. Embrace it because then more people are gonna take advantage of these. Resource is, and then we don't only hear about mental health when there's been a suicide or when there's been a shooting, and that's when it gets brought up. And it's talked about for 48 hours, and it's

spk_0:   38:56
usually and see that's whyI. Find a lot of these baby steps for every individual person to be so exciting because every time that I see someone go through something like this, when they finally hit that moment, where they realise like oh, shit, I need help. I'm ready to talk about this. I'm ready to start working on myself. That's not something that they keep to themselves, usually for people who have struggled with anything like like you coming on to twitch and not knowing howto work, anything. It was so easy for me to take time and help explain things to you because I remember that exact feeling of like, Holy fuck I need What software? What do I click for? What, What the stream labs. What does that even mean? It's too much, and that's how it feels. I think for a lot of people with mental health issues is like none of this makes any sense. So you're so scared and confused and having that one person who can who might still be in the process of going through their own path towards better mental health, they see that they identify with it. And because you took that moment to say I'm hurting someone is very likely to say, I know how that feels. Let me help. Here's what I did. Here is where I started,

spk_1:   40:14
Yeah, and that's the community part that you know, I think we're all trying to achieve. And that's, you know, my one advice that you just sound such a relevant point for all walks of life, and I remembered in athletics for sure, I remember I couldn't think of it in the business world right now, but it's like, don't forget where you were, where you come from, because you'll do a disservice to everyone. You come into contact with where if you've arrived or you've quote unquote made it and whatever feels your inner. If you've gotten through mental health struggles and somebody comes up to you and then I'm like, Hey, I'm dealing with this and you're like I got through that a long time ago and it's like No, no, but you were there, and everybody's life process and timetables are different. And if, instead of going, you got a just like you did with me on Twitter, but not enough. Here's the bullet points here. Step by step is like the first thing that helped me. Big Time was going to a therapist. And then here's some resource Is I used on a daily basis meditation, exercise, nutrition, staying in constant. You know, a good rhythm with my therapist and working through things as they come up and blah, blah, blah. And then it's like, Oh, and there's this positive thing as opposed to if you get that or that blow off mentality. It's like, Okay, I'm gonna dig this hole even further and Heidi

spk_0:   41:30
and

spk_1:   41:30
farther in the dark. So for anybody that's gotten through anything or they're successful in their field, whatever walk a life that you're in, if somebody's not as far along as you, the best thing you can do for him is just take that. Whatever it is, it might be a minute. It might be 40 minutes, but remember where you were and take that little extra time because you could make a different security, would realize the magnitude of reducing the little after so

spk_0:   41:55
many people to admit. I also struggled, and I'm doing better now or I'm currently struggling. Now every person who talks about this is one more person that could potentially be helping tens of thousands, even like you. Really. Just the the spread of this could go so far. If we all just take a moment to remember that that we kind of need each other, that we need to be reminded that we're not alone,

spk_1:   42:24
right? I think especially, you know, in this topic, the middle health field, it's It should be one of the strongest communities on the planet because it's one of the hardest to admit. You know, I think it coincides very well with the LGBT movement is it's so hard and people hide who they truly are. And then when they come out and they actually live, who they truly are from the inside out, it's like, Oh, I haven't I not been doing this forever like this is who I am, I'm proud of it. And then people start to embrace you for who you really are. So if you're struggling in silence out there, if you don't want to come out, just take that first step and maybe you take the first step of going to a therapist before telling anybody. Um, if you want to do it that way, But just my biggest advice would just be take that first step. Whatever that first step feels like in your head, that's gonna be the best for you. Just try the first action because the second action will follow and all of a sudden, three years has gone by and you're now called the Anxiety Guy, and you just kind of laugh every time that you here because you

spk_0:   43:29
have such

spk_1:   43:30
a negative enough.

spk_0:   43:30
Yeah, absolutely. I really it's that first step. That first step could go any different direction. There's no perfect path towards working on your anxiety, and this goes to something that I tell people all the time. I emphasize on a very regular basis. Trust your gut. If you're feeling like this stuff is right, along with things that you've experienced but you've never been diagnosed before, or if you have and you didn't know where to go, your mind is likely in like that. Maybe in the dark recesses of it or something, it likely has a little idea ball going on that saying like, Hey, you could talk to this person or Hey, don't you remember your pastor? Councilor Person at school said that there's resource is. Didn't you see something on Google? There's there's likely some tiny inkling, at least of a direction you could go to start working on this. Don't ignore that. Trust yourself. Trust your gut. You have a lifetime of observation that's all being kind of put together behind the scenes. It might not be a clear picture for you, but your body knows the truth

spk_1:   44:41
right, and you you were the only one that hasn't,

spk_0:   44:43
Doc. They don't know you're watching you

spk_1:   44:46
like you have, right? And I love that because trust your gut, if you feel something is wrong, I can relate to that big time, especially with in the world of athletics. Kept thinking or knowing I had an injury and having somebody say just toughen up and then losing a season because of it or something like that. It's, you know, you you know what you know. You know what's probably gonna help you more than something else. And so so no, there is Resource is out there. I just want to, like, hug everyone and tell him you could do it, because I know you can. I think I think it's

spk_0:   45:22
cool because the more I work on myself, the more I start to feel a little bit better in terms of my own mental health. Because I've been battling anxiety and depression and so many things for so long, I get that feeling where it's like if I can do this, you conduce this. But I know sometimes that that doesn't click for people because that that like pain comparisons there and they're thinking like, Well, my struggles are so much harder than yours. You don't understand. You don't understand me and you're right. I don't I can only understand so much of what I would I get from any given person. That's why I said again, like trust your gut, we can provide you with all kinds of different paths. But it is still on you to take that first step towards whichever one you feel is right for you.

spk_1:   46:06
Yeah, I agree. And that's a good point. I'll tell one more stories. When I first started doing this, I put on the face of, like, success with anxiety and depression, and I got a bunch of messages where it's like, How can you say that anxiety or panic attacks is good and you have the smile on and you just do all this? It's like you obviously haven't gone through this and you mentioned something earlier on where you were kind of doing that. Maybe that

spk_0:   46:33
was our first look at next to

spk_1:   46:36
write, and I realized like I'm doing a disservice. I'm doing the exact opposite of what I want my message to be, and so that's when I started diving deeper and embracing Maur like, Hey, guys, I could not go to my car today like I couldn't and this is seven years into the process and that's okay because today is one day or that was 1 20 minute period. And there's still time today on nine years, 10 years into coast. My first panic attack three years into this kind of, you know, embracing everything and being who I truly am. And there's been progress. But there's still days I was at lunch today. I feel anxiety in the restaurant because of the environment, because there's a lot of people in there because they exist. So it's it's never about. I'm gonna win 100% and some people do, and that's great for them. But just realized that your individual journey is your individual journey, and the only person that could make make it a success and take the action is yourself. And so I just wanted to share that cause I definitely did a disservice at the beginning of sharing where I tried to put on this image of like, happy and everything. It's fine.

spk_0:   47:41
That's t kind of go back off of what you were talking about, Um when When China and I first spoke when we first talked guys like that was one of the things that we both discussed is initially we were both super hush hush about that. I know. Even though I've been battling with my mental health since I was a child, I still didn't want to talk about it because my thoughts as a broadcaster where people coming to my stream are here to be entertained. I wasn't quite as in tune with what I had in front of me here, which was potential for connection, like really fucking connection. So all I'm thinking is, if you're coming to my stream every day, you want to see smiles You want to hear humor? You You don't want to hear me say I'm struggling today. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm anxious, whatever. So I kept all that shit to myself. But it hurt me so bad when I started getting messages from people in the community saying, I'm struggling, What do I do? You seem like you've got your shit together because I'm just thinking like I'm hurting them more than I'm helping them. They think I've got it. together and that there once again they're alone in this instead of me taking advantage of this opportunity to connect with these people, I'm allowing them to feel alone by keeping something that is really important. Quiet. So I finally admitted my mental health struggles years ago. I put out a tweet, actually where I just rode up this long thing. You know how we like to do on social media. You write a note pad, just screenshot it and then put it up there. So I wrote this long note trying to explain what was going on. Just just so you know, every day I make a conscious choice to be happy every single day. I don't always win. I have failed a lot. I have bad anxiety days. I have days where I can't look in the mirror. I have days where I want to break everything in sight. But I'm so angry over the dumbest shit. But it's okay. I'm getting better little by little. Every day. I'm working on it. I attempted to kill myself when I was younger. I'm at a point now where it's very easy for me to look at that and say that is nowhere near an option for me. And that alone is a step. I'm proud of that. I can look att. It does not matter what adversity comes my way. I know now that I will not react to it with self harm. I will not react to it by thinking this is the end. My life is over. This has no meaning. So just those few steps I was so proud of and I didn't tell anyone anything about it. What a shame. All those potential missed opportunities I had. But since talking about it the amount of people who have approached me and said, I know what you're going through I'm so glad you said this. It did what it did for you. China, like it just suddenly changed everything. It changed the direction of my streams. It changed the direction of my life.

spk_1:   50:46
Right now it changes everything because you it's just your quote unquote biggest secret is no longer a secret. It's a positive attributes for yourself, is the way I feel about it, where I know going into 110% of situations that the person is going to know who I am from the beginning. I'm not gonna fake it. I don't care. Look, I run a foundation for anxiety and depression because I deal with anxiety and I've been depressed in the past and it's a battle, but that's who I am. And so if I have to step outside for some fresh air because of a panic attack, you give me a high five and let's go from there. And if you're not like, if the person, that's the second part of it which gets in the whole nother thing. But the second part of it is if you start to be who you truly are, your filtration system of good film, I got easier. Because if if they don't want to be around someone that's going through a mental health or they treat you negatively, okay, Bye, Felisha. Like you're done by CIA. No, thank you. I don't have room for that sort of negativity or lack of value in my life. And so that was the second unexpected part for me where I was so worried about how it was going to say it and what the perception would be and then all of a sudden, I was like, Wait, this is really easy to figure out who cares about you for you and wants to be in your life regardless. If you have this little mental health thing going on because you're good human, they don't want to be around or they don't want to include you in social things. And

spk_0:   52:15
yeah, and

spk_1:   52:16
something themselves.

spk_0:   52:18
I told people all the time. If you're not doing something to harm others, be selfish. There is nothing wrong with that. Take care of yourself first. That's obviously not like take extra money or do anything shitty to others. But there is nothing wrong with focusing internally. Does this make me happy? And this is something I say to my shadow all the time. And it's what I outlined in that, that five steps to better mental health thing that I wrote. Look at everything in your life and say, Does this bring me joy? If not, it's time to get rid of that. And I think when you've already been working on your mental health, when you come to terms with who you are, I am an anxious person. I battle anxiety daily. I battled depression daily, people who cannot accept who I am. I don't meet him. I got no place for him. It's just it's so much easier now and it helps from the anxiety aspect of it. It helps having that confidence because one of the biggest things that I think a lot of us struggle with is that fear of all the what ifs. What if they don't like me? What if they're mean to me? What if all these different things and when you kind of go ahead in your mind and think What if they don't like me? What if they don't go with this and think, Who cares? All the other what ifs kind of drop off and it's just like, How does that impact me? It doesn't. There will be gone. I'll feel better, Ray.

spk_1:   53:35
Yeah, I'm just smiling and shaking my head because it's just like my exact mantra on a daily basis, because I have a perfectionist. I've always tried Thio say on the outside that I don't care what people think and this and that, But you get into that anticipatory anxiety like you talked about and oh my gosh, especially, but I was playing. It's like I hope this coach likes me. I hope they moved me up. I hope I do that. Then I was sent. It's just and I watched a documentary that changed my life overnight, which was minimalism, And it's that exact thing that you talked about. Does this add value to my life or does it not? And if it does not buy it, it's that simple. And like you said, as long as you're not doing something, I love that, too. As long as you're not doing something that harms others, be selfish because at the end of the day, like I mean, I don't know the exact, politically correct way to say it, but that's how most people are living there, taking care of themselves first. They're not even. We think they're thinking about us. We think we're the center of the universe. It ties, but most of the time people are going home. They're not thinking about you when they go to sleep there. I'm thinking about you. When they're taken care of things that makes their life,

spk_0:   54:42
it's It's just

spk_1:   54:43
so yeah,

spk_0:   54:44
that being able to start reducing those what ifs as an anxious person is so important and I really think so. Much of it comes from just being comfortable with yourself. Finally, and these resource is that you've created the stuff that I'm working on, putting together conversations with people and making sure that you're in good quality. Relationships can go such a long way for that.

spk_1:   55:09
No, I couldn't say it better myself to relate the people that you surround yourself with. If that's not one of your top three priorities in your life, it needs to be because toxic people create toxic symptoms and people that are supportive and challenge you a little bit because you don't want necessarily pushover. So just tell you everything you're doing is correct. Um, you want something it's gonna challenge you with challenging for the right reasons and know your personality to know which, you know, I'm outing myself here on a book I read, but which love language that you, you know, most respond to whether it be you know, words of affirmation or physical touch and stuff like that. You gotta have people that there are willing to kind of get to know you and know howto yeah, know how to push in the right direction and vice versa. You want people

spk_0:   55:57
waiting on the love languages Brook and stream a lot, actually, because I get a lot of when we do the advice I have a lot of people ask me questions about relationships, and whenever it's clear that there's a communication issue, I'm like, OK, start here. This is this is a great place for you to start. If not that book just in general, we all need to be working on communication because we can get so much done when we understand how to communicate with each other effectively. And I think the best part about studying communication is that it naturally gives you it almost forces empathy on you. Because if you want to be an effective communicator, you have pretty much no choice but to try to understand the person you're talking Thio. Otherwise, you're not just communicating. You're you're speaking to them or at them instead of with um

spk_1:   56:49
right, Absolutely No. That's one of the biggest things my friends and I get into all the time, actually is they'll observe different customer service interactions that I have with different things, even mistakes or whatnot. It's just you just, um you have different customer service interactions is just you can achieve so much by tone and just by body language, just by a smile or something simple goes a long way

spk_0:   57:20
powerful and to go back to something we were talking about. This is a point I like to make because it's a question that I get frequently when we were talking about kind of that minimalism thing, the idea of making sure that you're retaining things and people in relationships that bring you joy and discarding the ones that don't the The thing that always comes up when we discussed this is, Well, what if it's my parents? What if it's my boyfriend or girlfriend? What if it's my job? What if the relationships that are kind of tearing me apart are ones that I deem necessary? What do you say to people who have things like that to say?

spk_1:   58:01
Well, I mean, just for the sake of relating to people, Um, and just being full honest, cause I don't really have anything, I'm not gonna say exactly who it was, but I had to very, very close. Let's just say that biological family members that I eliminated from my life in March of this year because their energy was too toxic and hardest decision I've ever made. It's it's not easy. I deemed it necessary for my mental health for my path of my life, and I just had to do it now. My advice. This was a multi multi year process. It was not one little thing that happened and all this. This relationship is toxic. I'm talking since I was eight years old, things that were done, um, betrayal. And it just got to the point. Two decades later, it's like at this point, this relationship isn't serving me. And so again it comes down to you. What, you know what history you have with that relationship and kind of weighing both scenarios. If I end these relationships, what's the repercussions? But are the repercussions temporary and the positive impacts our lifetime? And so it's like any other decision. You just have to wait. But if it's something that's holding you back significantly, it's the significant source of your negative energy holding you back from the U. You know, right, like Snap said, It's like at the end of the day, you gotta serve yourself and you gotta be a little selfish, and it's hard at times. But it's like anything else. The more you do it and it sounds so funny. The more you're selfish, the more comfortable you get. But it's, you know, the theme and the selfish that we mean. I think it's pretty clear here. It's the selfish for a positive mental health and for positive, just life process and journey. Um, the more you get comfortable making those tough decisions, it's like anything else, they'll be easier and easier to make the decisions that are right for you and right for your future. So my advice to everybody would be to analyze it, especially if it's something very significant, like you said a parent or a sibling, boyfriend, girlfriend, a boss, a co worker or something like that. You know, you know, follow your gut like she said as well. And those tough decisions sometimes of the most rewarding and most of feeling. So that would be my long winded, unnecessary answer. And if you hurt my dog trying those air tough decisions that I might have to eliminate for crying during,

spk_0:   1:0:41
I'm sure that will be okay with someone messaging after this.

spk_1:   1:0:45
Yeah, No eso

spk_0:   1:0:49
It's interesting because I didn't know, obviously that you had actually just personally gone through that. But that, as you can imagine, is something that comes up all the time. So many people have these toxic relationships and they don't know what to do because they also happen to be some of their closest relationships. And it's so easy to feel stuck. But I want to make it clear you are not stuck anywhere. If your family is being unkind to you, you don't owe them shit. You can still love someone and choose to be separate from them. You don't have to be malicious or negative or a rude like you're a terrible person. I need to get the fuck away from you. You can say it very plainly and calmly When I am around you, I tend to feel worse, Not better. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, I I wish you the best. I love you, but I can't be around you because you're dragging me down. And I already have to work very hard to be even, like, close toe up. So just remember, you really can do anything if the job is terrible and you're thinking there's no way I could find another job because of this. This and this. There's no way that I can do this because I live with my parents or rely on someone for something. Life is a series of problems waiting to be solved. Start solving those problems. Take some baby steps to getting some independence or to improving your relationship. If you want to hang on with it onto it. There is something that can be done about every possible bad relationship that you feel you're stuck with. You're not stuck anywhere.

spk_1:   1:2:26
That's so perfectly said. I'm not even adding to that. I'm just terrible when you

spk_0:   1:2:31
feel honestly like and some people are very effective at this. Some people are great at making you feel like you owe them everything in this. I've heard this from people in terms of their significant others and their parents. I think more than anything there's this well, they do all these things for me or I know that they are struggling with their own things and therefore I owe them or they helped me with this before they were there for me with this It doesn't matter. I hate to say that it almost sounds like unkind, but the truth of the matter is, it really doesn't. You don't owe anybody anything. You trust your gut, you make your own decisions. You are the only one who actually has toe walk in your shoes. Point them in the direction you want to go,

spk_1:   1:3:18
right. Know. And you know what that relationship has or has not done like for you as well. And so these, if somebody signed manipulate you or make you feel like you owe them something you know, in your heart of hearts, you know, with your instincts if they've truly added value to your life. And if you're like you know what? Yeah, I wouldn't be here unless I had that guy so I wouldn't do this. That's so clear. It's just we get so caught up and so clouded by toxic energy that you get guilted into wanting somebody to like you. And so you're like, Okay, fine. I'm here. And then you're delaying your success. Delaying your life. You're supposed to be going on because you're holding on. Exactly. And so you're holding onto that negative anchor and God doesn't feel good when you start to get rid of those acres and you're just like, Wow, I'm moving three times as fast and I'm five times is happy because I don't have this negative interaction four times a month where someone's asking me for money or ask me

spk_0:   1:4:14
or reiterating I did do things for you and you can't even do this for me kind of stuff like that. It could be so damaging. It could be

spk_1:   1:4:21
so,

spk_0:   1:4:22
so challenging. Thio overcome those feelings of I owe them stuff. They were there for me when I really needed it. I have to be there for them. And while I I love anyone who wants to be there for someone else, there is nothing wrong with having to distance yourself and say, Unfortunately, we're clearly not communicating effectively, or else they would be better to me at this point. So how can I expect to help them when they were not even on the same wavelength here? This has to be their path that they travel on their own. I wish I could help him with it, but it's clear we're not there, so I need to distance myself and for people with anxiety that could be really tough because the what if start to eat at you. What if this goes wrong? What if they are really sad? What if something happens? And it's my fault because I chose to cut them off. It's not your fault things might happen, but it's not on you to predict or anticipate or or plan for anyone else's behavior or their struggles. You can offer help. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make that horse drink right? So don't let your life fall into ruin because you're trying so hard to help someone else is because you feel like you owe them

spk_1:   1:5:37
right? No. One of the best pieces of advice I got early on and doing this and I was coaching athletes and stuff like that. It was You can help someone that doesn't want to help themselves or that doesn't want to accept help. And when you're competitive or you have anxiety or you obsess over stuff like Well, I know that this is the fix for that person. Well, sometimes that person isn't ready for that fixed because they're not ready to dive into themselves. and figure out that that's the fix they need. You can have all the answers in the world, and people have felt that way with you guaranteed in your life where they're like, Why doesn't he or she just see them about t o get to there and then your head? It's like what I need six years of frickin struggles first, all right, But let me struggle for six years. And you, it's just everybody's path is different. So if you're trying to help somebody, because it goes both ways, that there's people in your life with that negative energy and everything. And then there's people in your life that you're trying to help and you can clearly in your eyes. From your perspective, I know that this is all they need to do. Sometimes it's not their timing, and so you can't obsess over it. You can't give yourself guilt or anxiety, because at that moment you're not able to give them in what your mind think. So

spk_0:   1:6:48
it is hard t o this half of self destruction or stuck in a life that you know that they're not happy in. But the best you can do is offer support, do your best. But if they really are just bringing you down, there is nothing wrong with separating it. There's nothing wrong with choosing to leave that relationship, to distance yourself from relatives or to find a new job. It's if especially with jobs. Sometimes man, people get stuck in these terrible jobs, and I know how easy it is. Like the market isn't always easy to find a new job, but it doesn't mean don't try. It doesn't mean just give up and accept that your stock at this job forever, even though you're miserable, their daily start thinking. Start researching, start learning, see what you can do. It's another problem waiting to be solved.

spk_1:   1:7:40
Yeah, that's, Ah, a thread that if I pull it for me, I get so frustrated in that sense because that one to me and I know people are more fortunate than others and different things that they pursue when they get lucky that the opportunity is there. But you know, if you're putting your name out there and you're not happy in your employment, you have to be happy with your employment, like that's something you should be pursuing. It doesn't mean, quit your job and do something drastic and then affect yourself financially right now. But if you're unhappy like she said, you just start the Google process. Start putting your name to different people that aren't in the same, obviously the same network of your current employer, because I couldn't really quickly. But there is stuff out there. You spend a majority of your time doing something that makes yourself a living until you retire. You need to be happy in that. It's a huge component to your mental health, to your physical health, to your energy level, to your happiness, your relationships, everything like that. And so that should be, Ah, building block. We touched on a couple of the people you surround yourself with. And then,

spk_0:   1:8:41
like I remember, I left my corporate job years ago because I was just so tired of this shit. I was tired of, of all of the sexism of being overlooked, even though I was running the fucking company. So I remember telling my mom that I was gonna be quitting. And like I'm an adult woman, I was maybe 27 26 or 27 maybe even 28 when I decided to quit the job, and I I still occasionally hear from her. You shouldn't have quit that one like, yeah, I know. Financially, I'm not where I wanna be. I know that it was easier technically at that job. But guess what? I don't do any more. I don't grind my my teeth like into pieces when I'm trying to sleep. I don't wake up and immediately think, Ah, I wake up and I'm thinking water. What am I gonna do today? What am I going to do to try and make money or to try and move my life in the direction I want to put it instead of just Well, I'm getting a study paycheck even though I'm miserable every day. Even though I'm frustrated. Even though my blood pressure is probably just sky high, my anxiety is screwed. Like this is fine. Totally.

spk_1:   1:9:53
Yeah. S

spk_0:   1:9:55
o. Has your anxiety ever been a huge barrier for you in something that you were trying to accomplish outside of of, um, uh, my brain just broke for a second. Outside of baseball, I almost that BASEketball I know. It's so great. I was just thinking that like, that's that's not right. Hold on its sports ball. No baseball.

spk_1:   1:10:19
Yeah, Yeah, I would say my just as I was. Mom is my biggest e. Appreciate that. Uh, no. Yeah, I would say that anxiety has definitely been my biggest barrier. Um, with everything, especially post baseball. I mean, baseball kind of went the way. It was supposed to go out and passion for it much after kind of halfway through college. And I played for a long time after that, but it was kind of for everybody else, because that was what I was identified as. And I don't really know what else I wanted to do, but just in terms of, you know, when big opportunities would come up, whether it be to speak to a group or do something, that would be like, I can't do that. What if I have an anxiety attack? Or what if I panic? And so I would miss, um, corporate opportunities, business opportunities, even social life, I think is the biggest one. That kind of I I'm asked forever, because once I got done with baseball, I put on this fake sort of cloak that I was just gonna commit to my career, and that's why I wasn't doing anything socially. And I lost my friends, and I wasn't dating in any of this because I was so committed to my career and my career went crazy. Everything's been great the last five years, but I've deteriorated my social life. Um, because of the anxiety and that's still the biggest. I'd say the biggest barrier now at 31 is the social life, and the dating is still my biggest barrier with anxiety. You know, going to me a stranger for the first time on a date is a big adjustment, or I get very nervous about that. And, yeah, and so and then, like my buddies want to go to. I don't even know what kids were doing nowadays. But the, uh, like going at Coachella are a concert or brewery that's gonna be packed on a Saturday, and it's like to me, man like I'd rather go have, like, one beer in a dive bar where no one's that just to talk to you. I don't need to go where there's 400 people and you can't do

spk_0:   1:12:26
you like. Do you enjoy drinking like do you do you have fun getting drunk?

spk_1:   1:12:32
No. And that would be, you know, my other. Especially during baseball. Um, I use that to mask everything. So the downtime was like the downtime in baseball was partying and drinking to not think basically

spk_0:   1:12:51
s. So how did you feel after? Because this is something that I think I think it's important, I guess Thio to discuss for for people going through any kind of mental health issues. When you're done like you said, you were basically using it to mask the next day, How did you feel a night after drinking after being drunk?

spk_1:   1:13:14
The most things I

spk_0:   1:13:16
was like, I think we're probably on the same path here. But I want to clarify because that's that's part of the reason why I don't like to drink at all anymore is because it seems to me like I love alcohol. I love I love bourbon, all of whiskey. I love beer, but I hate being drunk. I'll get to the buzz and then I start slamming water and then I'll have another beer after I've kind of, like, felt it go down, so to speak. But I always hated the next morning because all I'm thinking is Was I obnoxious last night? Did everyone hate me? What did I say during this conversation? I said this. I probably shouldn't have Oh, man, I bumped into that person or like, every possible thing that happened the night before. I am stuck on that anxiety loop again and not drinking spares me that

spk_1:   1:14:05
knowing that z such an important topic because regardless, plug whatever advice you want into their we're talking about alcohol. Alcohol has been the worst for me. My genetics are terrible, for I've got Irish. I've got both parents that have the blackout gene and where once we start, we kind of can't stop. And so it's been this continuous battle back and forth between I'm not touching it and I feel good and then a social single star or I go on some dates and you wanna have some drinks, have a little liquid courage or whatever, and then it starts that path of like, Well, I had it on the dates. I can have it at home by myself and control it. And then all of a sudden, you know, a month later, your drinking four nights in a row and you're drinking an excessive amount. And then exactly what you just said. Where it almost gives you anxiety thinking about some of the next morning. Very like, Oh, my God. I'm gonna look at my phone. Who did I text? Oh, God, I've talked to that person. Oh, what did I say to bed? It's like all we're gaming. And I was a complete asshole and this and that and then, yeah, then you have 70

spk_0:   1:15:07
just like a lifetime of it on there because there's over fully, Get over. At least in my experience, you never fully get over those what ifs that as soon as they're out there, they're out there.

spk_1:   1:15:18
Yes, they are. And the guilt just it burns and burns numbers, But I've definitely When I don't drink for long stretches, which is one of my biggest focuses right now. Besides meditation and exercise, when I don't drink for long stretches, my anxiety gets toe like some of the best spots it's ever been in because I know everything that happened. I know I wasn't obnoxious. I feel better. I get up earlier. I work out. I eat better than no chili cheese fries soak up the booze. You know, like it's there's so many, Like almost all of the resource is that we talk about meditation, exercise everything, nutrition you can really excessive or more of

spk_0:   1:16:04
kind of like backtracking trying to get back to where you were when you felt good. Because it was really nice when you felt good. And now you just feel pukey.

spk_1:   1:16:11
Uh, and that inner dialogue would be some of the best if you could transcript brain waves of light off. You stupid mother fucker. You had two weeks where you were crushing it. You were doing good. You drink Saturday. Sunday, you barely got to work Monday. You felt like shit Tuesday and Wednesday. You just wasted five days and went back to exactly where you were before those good two weeks. And so, yeah, there's been Cem, Cem, funny back and forth dialogue. But that's the fun of trying to progress in figuring out your triggers. And, you know, if you know, like I know, I am my best self without up all. So it's like, Okay, how do I eliminate alcohol in nuts?

spk_0:   1:16:49
And this This is all stuff that I gotta go? I think people might think this is stuff that we probably like deliberately thought of separately. But you'll be surprised at how many things you realize about yourself when you start working on your mental health. So this this goes for people who maybe aren't even suffering from anxiety. Maybe you've never been able to relate with any of this stuff because it's never been an experience for you. You can still very greatly benefit from some mental health work because it all ties in together the mind body connection, Israel that ties into every aspect of your life. And I'm like, out of all of the things I think that come from working on yourself. I like how much you start to question yourself in the right way. Not what if I do this wrong. What if this goes wrong? It's more of What am I doing this for? What am I? What am I? What do I want this for? I can separate my wants and needs a little easier now, since working on myself and understanding who I am. Like I see stuff on social media. I want that I want that I want that now. I'm sad because I don't have it. I take a second. Why do I want that? What? I even use it. Does it even go with my house with my lifestyle, with things that I like? Do I want it because they have it and I'm jealous that they can afford it. If that's what it is, then the issue isn't that I don't have that. The issue is that I want more financial stability. How do I work on that?

spk_1:   1:18:17
I think that's amazing. I think another powerful exercise that somebody taught me was, Where are you? And this could You can apply this three questions to basically anything in your life. But it's like, where you at right now? Where do you want to go? And then the most important question What do you need to do to get from where you are, where you want to be and like you're talking about that self work just all it does. If you're conscious of it and you start thinking about it and you know all the things that help you get closer to being the best to you and put you in the best spot physically and mentally, you're basically just doing a lifelong recipe and you're adding ingredients. You're taking ingredients, a way to get to that best recipe that gives you the best opportunity to succeed. Be happy, live, fulfilled. Give to others you know, have great relationships with others and is astonishing to me. And you've I can hear in your voice experiences to where, like as soon as you make it a priority. The brain is so powerful that when you start to self reflect and you start to really work on yourself like anything else, it becomes easier and easier over time. The content necessarily does it, but the act of self reflecting does, and it becomes more common. And it's been so fun to see that switch flips with obviously myself. But then, in others, when you're talking to him, it's like fry it. I've never been aware of this before, and it's like, Yeah, well, that's the world we live in. It's no like problem, but that's just society. And growing up, you're told what to do. You're told what to think. You're told what to where you're told not to look like it's like, Have you ever thought about what you want

spk_0:   1:19:55
why you want. Why do you want things? Why? Why are you doing that? Why do you wanna do that exact thing right now? And I started asking myself out like we were talking about drinking. Um, I I've been smoking weed for a long time, and it started out for fun when I was younger, which once again, I got I got to reiterate this. I do not advocate marijuana usage or alcohol for youth. If you're in high school or under, honestly, if you're if you're under, like the legal age, just don't do it. It's not because I'm a buzzkill, but it really can fuck with your brain and not in a positive way. So if you can avoid it, please do. It's in your best interest. That's coming from someone who did it all and thinks it's not great. Having said that, I got to a point where my social anxiety, my anxiety in general, I could not manage it without weed me going to these meet ups me leaving my house to go to the fucking store or go to the go to the bank or go travel or do anything. It was me pacing around my house and me like power smoking everything I could see so that I could just, like, chill for a second and get out the door. And in that instance, I knew why I was doing it. The why are you smoking? It was because I cannot get out of my house without this. So I'm like, Yeah, cool. It's perfect for that weed for me, plus CBD these days is is what helps me do a lot. A lot of things. It keeps me calm. It helps move my anger, my sleep, all this stuff. But there were so many times where out of habit or because I used to use it also to mask things, I would sit down in the middle of the day and just be like, Okay, I'm gonna smoke. And I would stop and think for a second. Now, at least I'm at the point where I stop and think for a second. Am I hurting right now? Because I also use it for pain. No, I'm not currently hurting. I already smoked. I had my hits earlier this morning. My pain isn't bad right now, and I really anxious right now. No, am I about to do something creative where we'd might help with that? Am I about to have, like, my ideas shower? No. Why am I smoking? Because I'm bored because I'm sad because I think it's gonna make whatever it is that I'm doing better. If so, I'm gonna skip it. So having those this little bit of work done on myself, where I'm able to ask myself why more often I cut my smoking down drastically. I do still use it recreationally occasionally, cause I like it a lot more than alcohol. But not to the extent I used to where I would lose days to my couch and the TV,

spk_1:   1:22:26
right? Right now I think it's It's a powerful analogy, and it's powerful to hear, like the process of it, because I think all of us can relate in some. You know

spk_0:   1:22:38
what I'm doing right now? Why am I smoking? Why do I feel like I absolutely have to go to the gym for the 20th time today? Why?

spk_1:   1:22:48
And I think boredom is very you said the word board. And that's been one word I've I really tried to address with my own life is like, What do I do when I get bored? I drink, I drink, I play video games. I drink. I watch Fords, have drink and do social things or dates or something. And it's like, No, I think what are some more beneficial habits reading, meditating, getting okay with that silence? Because I think we're all wired to be terrified of downtime and silence, especially in the Western world where you're taught to be. Go, go, go, go, go! And yeah, no, no, no, no, no, thank you. The more you practice getting okay with that silence in, the more you practice just getting okay with yourself when your outs, that's the whole point of meditation and mental training is if you get comfortable and you get this baseline of, You know, this relationship with the breath and being calm, because when you're meditating, the whole point is thoughts come up. Did I do this? Did I do that? Did I do this in? The whole point is to get back to the breath, to get back to calm, to get back to being okay with yourself and not worrying about all those other variables that are popping up in your head. And so you take that into the real world, you're out in a restaurant that starts get overcrowded, those air, all the variables coming up. But if you can get back to that training that you've done with meditation, get back to focusing on your breath in the restaurant. Get back to focusing on the conversation with the person across from you. You can fall back on this training, but if you never do the training and you never take the time to self work or do you know self help, you're not gonna have those things to fall back on. You're gonna have some very negative experiences in the real world, and you're gonna fall into a negative cycle where you're gonna mask stuff or, you know, create bad habits or this or that. So it's really just, you know, as as weird as it sounds. First of all, it's most of it is free because it's you just thinking about your own thoughts and your own processes in your own. How do you talk to yourself when stuff goes wrong and different stuff like that and you start to do that own inner therapy and then you add in a little external therapy with a therapist or something like that, man, is it a powerful transformation? And you'll look after three months, six months, a year, two years like Whoa, whoa, I just did this and I struggle with that. It is a

spk_0:   1:25:01
must know, true in the

spk_1:   1:25:03
end, so that the

spk_0:   1:25:04
way that it can be so drastic, it almost seems like there's no way it could be really like It's too good to be true. But if if any person who's listening to this right now, if you go and watch my past broadcast from the past few weeks, you'll probably notice I'm a little on edge A lot of them I was angry, some of them. I was really sad. Some of them my anxiety was really fucking with me. But the reason why I think it's very clear to identify the difference is because I wasn't doing any work on myself for those weeks. I had a couple weeks of travel. I wasn't meditating. I wasn't doing any reflecting. I wasn't really exercising. My diet kind of went to shit and then I also went through some stuff that kind of sent me on a bit of a spiral. So when I got back, I didn't get back into my routine right away. I just kind of stayed in it. And you can see that shit on me like go watch those streams and then watch today's stream like today is the 16th that we're recording. This watched today's stream. I got up this morning. I meditated. I made sure I had plenty of water. I did some affirmations. I did some visualization. I did my mental health work today. I'm gonna go to the gym today. Like I woke up this morning feeling okay, and I I went through my day feeling great because I did those things and you can see that shit. You can completely see it. You'll hear in my voice. You'll see it on my face and I feel it in myself. This, like, it's like you're lighter. There's a little bit less of this weight pulling you down, And it might be almost like a real weight that you feel lifted cause your anxiety might be actually making it feel like you're justice closing. So when you start to reduce that in your chest, suddenly you're breathing again. It's It's so powerful. So even if you're feeling good today, make sure you're working on yourself every day because it really does help. It helps you to not fall back into this mindset like I did for this past two weeks, because I allowed myself to not to think I was cool with it. You know, I thought I could handle it, and it turns out I'm not there yet. I might never be there. I will probably always be working on myself because it makes such a visible difference.

spk_1:   1:27:28
No. Yeah, it's, I think it's a continuous journey until we die. Honestly, I think a good way to look at it is, you know, like the great actors, the great actresses, anybody that's great at anything of musician on athlete, it's even when they're in the prime of their careers. When they're the best in the world, they're practicing every day they're putting. In the time Tiger Woods, when he was on that crazy run, was hitting $300 balls a day to try to get even better. Bruce Springsteen's playing six decades of amazing music, and he's still enjoying it. He's still putting on shows on Broadway. Right now, it's like he doesn't need to, but he wants to perfect his craft and he'll never perfected. But he wants to get it as close as he can. And I think if you could look at yourself as a skill, any still needs to be practiced. And so I think if you look at it like that, you can. It's more tangible. You can grasp it a little more because I think a lot of times that could be the problem with mental health is it's not as easy to grasp progress a cz much as it is like if you work out for an extended period of time like Oh, cool, I lost £10 or oh, look it, I look more to find You can feel it if you look for it. It's like my brain feels more fit, like my relationships are stronger. It's just you have to get into that mindset of this is a skill. I'm gonna work it like I work everything else and my brain.

spk_0:   1:28:48
You kind of put it in those terms to because we were talking today and chat about mental health, and I was saying the same thing. Like we need to be working on this indefinitely. This shouldn't be something you stop. Even if you feel great today. Keep going. Not necessarily because it can keep getting better and better and better, which it might. But because the way I look at it is your mental health and your physical health are kind of the same thing. If I go to the gym and I worked my ass off and I've got this rocking body and I've got abs that are rock hard and everything is looking great and I'm super happy with where I met, I'm not going to stop there and be like, Cool. I'm in shape. This is what I wanted and then go home and eat whatever I want and stop exercising because I'm gonna get all all squishy again. It's gonna happen if we don't keep working on our mental health. You might be fit now, but it's not going to stay that way without a little bit of work daily.

spk_1:   1:29:44
It's daily, it really is. And it's the ah, huge impact is daily, and that day we should be 5 to 10 minutes to start. I think we could get into this like, Oh, my gosh. Mental health and meditation. And this is that meditation, especially at the beginning. Before you have some experience with it, just sit. Close your eyes, have your feet flat on the down for five minutes and take deep breath. And don't find yourself, like all I'm thinking about this. Something about that. Of course you are. Because your brain is like, Wait a minute. Yeah, Right now, here comes all your shit. I'm gonna attack you with all your shit, And that's the fun part of like, Okay, well, I'm gonna see if tomorrow I could pay less attention to the ship and then I'm going to see in a week if I can count to 10 without having interrupted like on the inhale is one exhale? It's too. And can I get to 10 and not in a cop? It like a competitive way more of just a fun way is like, Wow. Two weeks ago, I couldn't get one of your friends waiting.

spk_0:   1:30:41
But my mind feels after meditating and after a successful meditation, I should say Wow! And for people who have a DHD, the the amount of focus that you can get when you've cleared your mind is incredible. I like I've told a lot of people. I don't take any medications anymore. Not that I am opposed to them, but they did not. I did not have a good experience, so I avoid them. But intermittent fasting combined with all of these things I'm doing for my mental health every day. But I think especially meditation. This is the most focused I have ever felt, except for when I was on Adderall. What I don't feel like I want to rip someone's face off if they interrupt me in the middle of an email with this like I did when I was on Adderall.

spk_1:   1:31:32
Yeah, no makes sense

spk_0:   1:31:33
focus, but almost to the point where, like everything else, is a horrendous distraction and should be eliminated and like a super negative way. I was way too temperamental and like I struggle with my anger already, so I don't need anything else that's going to potentially make me angry, and I just I don't particularly want to be on medication long term. And like I said, that is nothing against anybody who uses it, wants to or gets benefit from it. For me personally, it did not help me in the way that I wanted, but it has helped so many other people. So I I so believe in the value of it. It just was not for me but man, that feeling of like, all natural focus, that's some powerful shit and meditation can get you there. And it is confreres, man, you get to just focus on your breathing.

spk_1:   1:32:30
It is free, and I think the moral of the story right there, like you talk about medication and I've experimented, haven't found that it's for me necessarily. But I think the moral of the story and I think it's the beautiful world that we live in, especially in the mental health world, is there's not one way to fix it. There's not You're not gonna google mental health and find one cure. And if that's not exciting enough to start trying something, I don't know what is because so many different things work for so many different people, and you get to be your own chef for your mental health. And so you just start getting in the kitchen, start taking those steps every day, try meditation. Try medication, try exercise, try a combination of a much different things, and then all of a sudden you have a no card on your wall like I do. That is keys to mental health every day, and I have five bullet points, which are meditation, exercise, nutrition. I think it's giving back.

spk_0:   1:33:25
You

spk_1:   1:33:25
know, I'm like, easy. I look at them every day, but of course, when you're under pressure giving back and then I think it's, um, about into the people that add value to you, something like that. And so and that's another side tangent. But the power of visual reminders in your everyday life. I think, especially at the beginning, when you're trying to get this to be the foundation and you're you're you're

spk_0:   1:33:52
actually Reba. You're creating connections in your brain. So if you're if you're looking at it from like the scientific perspective, if you want to know why you need those reminders why this stuff isn't easy, it's because all of these previous thoughts and feelings and emotions and stuff that you've been going through have been forming these connections in your brain to make it easier for you to process less So you encounter a situation. Your brain doesn't have to think about it too hard. It could just find this connection, this little bridge to a different part of your brain that says, When we encounter this, this is how we react. When this happens, this is what we d'oh. You literally have to form new ones of those new bridges. So you're kind of fighting against something you already created while building that new bridge. But the good thing is, once that new bridges built, the other one kind of starts to fall apart, and suddenly the the reaction you're having automatically is a positive one. It just takes a lot of time potentially to build that up,

spk_1:   1:34:53
right? Right then that's the power of the visual reminders. Have little post its on your bathroom. Here, have something in your car that reminds you like I have a little a little Tigger doll, which was from the last lecture. The guy says you're either a Tigger or your your face clean. You have good energy or your own energy vampire. And so that reminds me to try to be happy. Even when your dog is

spk_0:   1:35:17
going back

spk_1:   1:35:18
and the other ones. But that's the power, and it's actually somebody broke it down for me, scientifically, to some people, like the science is the particular activating system. Like when you're going shopping, let's say you're going shopping for a Honda. All of a sudden, you start to notice all the Han is on the road all of a sudden, or you're going shopping for a certain type of shoe. You want to get these shoes, maybe, and you're thinking about it. And then all of a sudden you start noticing Everybody has on this brand of shoe, and there's not the quantity didn't change your attention changed. You turn on the particular activating system, and so, like you said, is, Yeah, you have these bridges that are built, but the more you practice, I'm trying to build those new ones. You can tear down those old negative ones pretty quick because your brain will work for you and your brains, really doing nothing wrong in the sense of where you're at now, because that's just how it's been trained over time. Based on society, it thinks it's doing you the best it can, based on kind of being an autopilot your old life. The difference now is you're changing into this is what I want to be, what I want to focus on work on

spk_0:   1:36:22
and I love it all ties in together. Um, we talked about trusting your gut, right? That ties in with that. Those initial reactions that you feel those visceral things, it's because we're processing a 1,000,000 things at once millions and millions of things at once at any given time. So if you can kind of make it a little easier on your body to know what we need to be focusing on like hate today we're focusing on being happy. Your brain will definitely try to do that work for you. We just need to know what we want to be focusing on.

spk_1:   1:36:58
Well, in that statement alone is powerful. We just need to know what we want to be focusing on is how many of us, unfortunately, But if we're honest with ourselves, how many of us are waking up every day saying this is what I want to focus on or this is what I want? Oh, you know, I want to be happier. I'm gonna focus on all of the positives today and not the negative, because if you're kind of autopilot, it and you get up in the shower and you're like, OK, I got just enough time to get it to work, and then someone cuts you off and you didn't remind yourself to be happy. Yeah, it was nice. Middle fingers come out pretty good pretty fast in the be Blair on the horn. And so it's pretty powerful, and probably one of the more, more fun things that that will happen when you, you know, commit to the journey is you'll start realizing it's like that guy almost clipped because

spk_0:   1:37:44
what would have mattered if you had done it like, Okay, I gotta deal with insurance now, am I Okay,

spk_1:   1:37:50
Right? And so often it's like you'll have this reaction and then they have a reaction back, and it's like you get this adrenaline rush before you even get

spk_0:   1:37:58
a connection has already formed. You didn't have that reminder that they were working on building this new bridge. Take this path instead. Yeah, so Okay, we've been talking for a while, which I'm excited about. I planned on this being a longer podcast because it's important there's There's no reason that this needs to be a short discussion, because anxiety is something that so many people are struggling with. So for me, one of the things that I wanna take a second to point out before we wrap this up is like we were talking about with forming these connections like we were talking about with with being able to know what you want to see your brain, the way I like to look at it. At least your brain is basically a calculator. The output very much depends on the input. If you ask it the wrong questions, it's gonna give you what it believes. The right question to those the right answer to the wrong questions is. So if you ask your brain, why am I terrible? Why am I the worst? Why, my sad? Why am I so anxious? It's not necessarily gonna help you out there and be objectionable and say, like, No, don't feel that way. Feel better. It's okay. It's gonna get better. It's gonna answer your questions like why am I sad? Because you suck. Why am I ugly? Well, it's because your nose, those big fucking ears you've got it's gonna just answer your questions based on whatever information it thinks it has. If you ask it the right questions, though, it will give you answers to those. How do I get into a job that I like? How do I better manage my anxiety? How do I get closer to being happier? How do I connect with people? Ask the right questions and it will point you in the right direction, asked the wrong questions. And it will point you right back in that same bad, bad area. I

spk_1:   1:39:45
can't agree. I can't agree more. I can't agree. I can't agree more. And that's that. You know particular activating system. Remind yourself of what you want to think about. Why are you amazing? Why are you unstoppable? Tony Robbins said when he first started, he was terrible and he would go on these long runs and he all he would repeat himself is I'm fucking unstoppable. Fucking and stop what? I could do anything I want to do. I could do anything I want to d'oh! And after a while, that's what your brain defaults to. I can't do this. I'm awesome. I could do any job. I want to do? I could achieve anything I want Thio. But like you said, your brain was equally access. The negative attributes about yourself. If you ask yourself, why do you suck and why you are off? You give yourself answers either way. So what do you What?

spk_0:   1:40:28
Yeah, and I really like affirmations. Personally, I love I love that I'm new to him. But I love how I feel. I felt very silly initially saying stuff to myself out loud. That's not gonna work. That's dumb. Just you're awesome. You can do this. It just it seems very cheesy. But now when I do my makeup before stream And when I sit down in my chair before stream, I usually closed my eyes for a minute, and I say I'm going to have a good stream today. I'm going to be articulate. I'm going to be well spoken. I'm going to make people laugh. I'm gonna have a good day. I reiterate all the things that I know I'm capable of achieving or that I know are likely to happen. And I just tell myself this is gonna be a good day. And holy shit do I feel better when I do that?

spk_1:   1:41:14
Absolutely. And you have a good day after good day because I watch your back for

spk_0:   1:41:18
more good days. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited for us to have our stream on Saturday. Um, so this podcast is gonna be dropping on Friday. So if you're listening to this now, it's Friday, which means tomorrow at two o'clock Central. If you go to twitch dot tv slash she snaps, you'll be able to watch a mental health awareness discussion stream, which you haven't been able to participate in one of these before. So, China, I'm excited for you to kind of see the format and see if you have any thoughts afterwards on how we can potentially improve it. But it basically is just me telling my story. And then I go into my my five steps, Better mental health, which a lot of those you actually already touched on. So it's Here's what I went through. Here's what I'm doing Now here's what you could be doing. And while we're doing that, we've got people in Chad who will help answer questions. China will be in chat to talk to you guys, and, um, we're gonna be able to work with your organization, which I'm super excited about being able to provide. Counseling service is for people in this community.

spk_1:   1:42:29
Yeah, no, I couldn't be more excited. We're basically one of our brand new resource is which is amazing is we have a zip code locator through our partner, the Anxiety and Depression Associates America, where basically anywhere you give us your zip code, we can find you a therapist right in your backyard right at home That will pay for your 1st 3 therapy sessions to kind of get you started on that first step that we talked about in the podcast. And, um, we're gonna be doing that this Saturday, uh, on your mental health awareness dream, and there's gonna be gonna be some funds being distributed, and some resource is handed out there. And I'm I couldn't be more excited for Saturday, and it'll

spk_0:   1:43:13
be so nice toe be working with such a good organization as we continue to move forward and try and help as many people as we can.

spk_1:   1:43:21
Absolutely. That's the goal. And just create a community like we said all along today where you are, who you are and you should have raised 100% of who you are. And the people that embrace 100% or who you are is who you should keep in your life. And that's my only goal is just if I can continue to help one person at a time, you know, embrace something that they neglected or pushed off her head for years and years in my life, and this organization is a success, and I'll feel pretty good. So that's the main goal. And, um, I know that being with your community, I've seen kind of the theme and been involved in some of your streams and chat and stuff. It's very positive community, so I'm just excited to be a part of it,

spk_0:   1:44:02
and we're excited to be able to help you as well. So that was my final question for you here today. Then how can listeners How can people in this community help your goals with your organization?

spk_1:   1:44:17
Yeah, I mean, the website is triple a d f dot com. So a g f dot org's not come, which stands for Athletes Against Anxiety and Depression Foundation and basically, um, any way you can get involved there's there's a number of ways on the website. We have a feature called Tell Your Story, where you can ride in your own personal story with mental health or somebody that you know which just again encourages people by sharing your story. They feel like they want to share their story, and it's a snowball effect. And we've seen that in the 1st 14 months or so. Um, social media, if you search athletes against anxiety depression, we're on instagram Twitter, Facebook and just reach out. Have a voice, even if you want to do it privately in a direct message or my e mails on the website or whatnot. Um, it's really just I'm not really into, You know, the funds always create Resource is, but I'm so much more into the community at this phase and raising awareness and raising, you know, just ambassadors all across the country all across the world that when they come across somebody, they're like, Hey, you don't need to be struggling with this alone. There's entire community out there and just encouraging people you know, don't be social media troubles. They'll be. Don't be hateful, be positive and realized that just because you may not be able to relate to what somebody's going through doesn't mean that it's a real thing, that it's not a real thing for them. And when every year going through something, I'm pretty sure that you want people to relate and be understanding of what you're going through. So

spk_0:   1:45:47
and even try to have a completely selfish perspective. Don't be a dick to others because it actually hurts you. You're putting negativity out in the world. You're the one who's starting those negative thoughts. You don't need those negativity and those those negative aspects of your life in the same way that they don't deserve it. You're not doing yourself any favors by going around being an asshole,

spk_1:   1:46:11
right? Exactly. And I think especially with technology where we can I buy screens and I behind stuff. It's created this false sense of security and being an asshole, and I think we need to get rid of that as soon as possible. And I know it can sound cliche, but like we talked about earlier communication tone of voice, just tone of your message is so powerful, and you don't realize how a single word or a single message can either help someone immensely or send somebody down a hateful path. And so be mindful of your communication, whether it be body language, writing a tweet, chatting on twitch or sending a text message. It's all a form of communication, and you need to take responsibility of what you're saying. Life.

spk_0:   1:46:56
You said you wouldn't want someone to do this to you. You wouldn't want to be having someone throw a bunch of dirt in your wounds when you're already struggling. So just remember everyone's fighting their own battles. You don't know what that person is going through. It doesn't help you at all to be a dick, and it doesn't help them at all. So be mindful of each other. Wow, Well, this was I'm so excited that this turned out to be such a long podcast because, like I said, I was kind of hoping it would be. It's not something that even a two hour podcast can fully cover, because we didn't even talk about all the different ways that anxiety can manifest for someone. It's I think, a lot of people who have anxiety is that got feeling like, you know, kind of deep down that you you have this, you know that this is something you're dealing with. There is nothing wrong with that. It's time to get help. Join us. It's great. It's nice to start feeling better even if you're not Ah, 100% happier, comfortable with yourself. Every baby step is is a giant weight lifted off of you.

spk_1:   1:47:58
Absolutely. Just joined the conversation. Take that first step and embrace security because it is beautiful. D'oh! I appreciate you. Yeah, you can't do it for sure you can do it. But I was just going to say no. I appreciate you, um, including me in your platform Thio to share with people. And I'm glad we got connected.

spk_0:   1:48:20
I was just saying that because I'm so glad you pointed you in my direction. And thank you for being on this. I know there's a lot of things we've talked about collaborating on in the past that we can't really talk about right now, but that I know are kind of in your area in terms of things that normally scare you for anxiety purposes. So I'm excited that we're both kind of trying to work through that stuff together in the hopes of making a positive change.

spk_1:   1:48:47
Absolutely. That's what it's all about. I appreciate you keep doing what you're doing it again. Thanks

spk_0:   1:48:54
a lot again for coming on. And I'll be sure to list all of your information in the notes for this, that people can find you easily. And remember, if you're listening to this right now on Friday, the 18th our mental health awareness discussion stream is said, scheduled for Saturday, the 19th at two o'clock Central. So thank you again, China, for being a part of this. I so so appreciate it. And I have a feeling we'll probably wind up doing more of these in the future.

spk_1:   1:49:20
I hope so. Thank you so much.

spk_0:   1:49:23
So that's it for today's podcast. I really appreciate you all sticking it out, even though there were some audio issues. I know, and I look forward to next week's episode. Like I said, it's going to be about adoption, which is very personal to me being adopted. So I look forward to that and I appreciate y'all tune in, thanks a lot and enjoy your day