The Sex Episode- Part 2

We're back with part two of this sordid episode and joined again by our friend "Steven". Remember, this is a NSFW episode of The Mr. & Mrs. Show. If you've ever wanted to find out more about the secret world of Gay Sex, how Grinder works, and a little insight into Nomi's past, be sure to not miss the second part this two-part episode!

Download this and future episodes of our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Pocketcasts, and anywhere else to find your favorite shows. You can search MR & MRS and please be sure to subscribe, and/or write a review if possible to help build our show. Have an idea for a future episode, or want to join us for a conversation? Email us at hello@mrandmrs.show!

Download this and future episodes of our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Pocketcasts, and anywhere else to find your favorite shows. You can search Why Are We Like This? and please be sure to subscribe, and/or write a review if possible to help build our show.  Have an idea for a future episode, or want to join us for a conversation? Send us a message with the link above!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hey guys, welcome back for part two of our sex episode. Here we go. Q the Vanderpump rules theme stuff. Oh, seriously, the best time of our lives. Yeah. And then I fell madly. This is going back to 19. I fell madly deeply in love with my ex-boyfriend. Um, he was my first and first like true love. Um, but it was just, it was gnarly. It was crazy. There was like so much money and coke and like coke. Oh my God. And just like flying everywhere, first class, and being in like jaguars and Corvettes, and having like a rack of clothes brought out to me at Saks Fifth Avenue on the top floor in Union Square when they were still like the men's was on the top floor. Like it was everything that a little gay boy watching a lifetime movie dreams of. It's like, I'm pretty woman. Um, but you know, this shit hit the fan. Ultimately, it does in relationships where there's just a lot of passion and there's a lot of fuel, and there was also like a lot of fighting and a lot of jealousy. Like, I was so suspicious of him because he why would he not do what he's doing with me with somebody else? Like, so um, yeah, so that ended. And then we saw each other a few times after that, and it was friendly. One time was benefits, one time wasn't. Oh no, no, they were both benefits, but it was just like putting on like a like I don't know, like an old swear, yeah, it just fit. It just fit, and it and uh yeah, so I was I was good with that, but now so I'm obviously in that scenario, I'm like, well, it's not the mistress's responsibility. But then I think about my relationship with Robert, like because we're monogamous, if he had an affair, how would I feel about the person he had the affair with? And I'm thinking I probably wouldn't be pleased with that person. Like, I'm not gonna run out and be like, okay, let's just have a sit-down and talk this thought, okay. Um, I would be like, I don't really want to see that person, but my problem isn't with that person, my problem is with this shit bag that said one thing to me and then did something else behind my back. And I think any anger that I had towards the person, the mistress, would just be someone for me to direct my anger at that isn't the person that I still might love who's hurt me. So trying to be as empathetic as I can without having to go through the experience. I I think, yeah, I'm I'm on the side of it's not the mistress's responsibility. Well, that was a fantastic therapy session for me. Thank you. But seriously, I am fascinated by this grinder thing. So I want you to show me how you grinder, and then I'm gonna tell, and then let's do this, and then I'm gonna tell the listeners for those of you who aren't on grinder, what is happening, this play by play. So grab your uh telephono and then and then let me see. Okay, so he's got his phone, and then you so you have to open the app, right? He says no, I'm so innocent. I don't think so, Alandro.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Well, that's yeah. Okay, so these are all these are all people that are close by that I have.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

Oh, I I know him, I recognize him. Oh, you do? No. Oh, I see him in the building all the time.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

There's the updated versions, and that that's what's around.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Wait, why are there so many gray squares? Yeah, what are the gray squares? Like they just don't have a profile. So it's like it's really blind, paperback, over the head sucks. Otter. Oh, we were just talking about that. The difference between bears and otters and cubs. Oh my.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

So like this is probably in your building. He is, I've seen it.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

I think he's I think he's one of the maintenance crew.

SPEAKER_02 4:13

He could be.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

There's some cute ones. Um one of them we lost though.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

So a maintenance crew? He didn't die.

SPEAKER_00 4:20

No, he didn't die. He just transferred to another building.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

He was cleaning the windows.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Um okay, so then let's so if you like someone, like message, then you message someone, right? And then you see if they message back.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Yeah. Well, like, here's this guy that messaged me earlier. This guy?

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Okay, let me see. So he's kind of like nerdy, gangly looking. I didn't think that that was your type. Or is it I think you would want someone that was a little bit more aggressive, like as a top. That's uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. But he his dick. Sort of like an indie rom com lead man.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

But his dick jerk.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

I mean, on he has a nice dick, but okay, so though, so there's now do they all have nude and headshots or just nudes? Do they all have dicks? Like with gay.com, you had one profile picture that everyone could see. And then you can load up other pictures, which would include nudes, but you had to be a premium member in order to see other members' private photos.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

So, like all the grinder pictures are like mostly G-rated, like on the profile pictures. Uh-huh. But then um, after, like, if you message somebody, you can send them whatever you want. So, like, people will just send you okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Okay. Well, um, color me fascinated. I mean, on no, honestly, it's uh it's like they took gay.com and turned it into the five. I'm totally familiar with that. Yeah, I just kind of want to see. Now let's do it again because I want to see if there's anybody else that I recognize in my building. This is actually the fun part.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Well, wait, I have to turn off the uh the um make sure to talk into the microphone, sweet. I have to turn off the um sorry I have to turn off all the filters. Okay. Wait, then what filters do you have? Well, because I don't want to see a bunch of bottoms.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

But you said you said that if somebody wanted you to be dominant that you could. But you're Oh, I won't top.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

Oh, I'm not gonna top.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Yeah, yeah, so you are a hard bottom.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah, definitely a hard bottom. Yes, yes. Here, that's for the now.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Why won't you why won't you top? That's just not your thing. Oh my god, suck you dry. No, this one says couple host. Is that a woman?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Wait, wait, where?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Oh, there's women there. Oh, that's one says T S, so it's transsexual. This one that looks like a woman. It says couple's host.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Yeah, that's probably a real woman with a guy that wants another guy to fuck his wife.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Oh, I mean, just to be young. It's like shopping on the internet.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

And now with all of the HIV meds that you have, it's kind of like the second sexual liberation right now, too.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Well, because okay, so the HV. So with the HIV medication, like with all that, like the stuff that is they call PrEP is the exact same medication that they use to give to suppress HIV. Okay. So when you are taking that medication, you're unable to transmit it as long as you're under the um undetectable.

SPEAKER_00 7:37

So undetectable. Undetectable and untransmittable. Untransmittable.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Correct. And then if you have But can you still get it kissing? The other party, obviously, then if they're, which most people are today, so many people are on PrEP, that you have, you know, you need PrEP and then you have the HIV medication on the other side.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

As long as both parties AZT side, like the treatment side, not just the like preventative side.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

So they're the same medications. So if you're both on the medication, you're unable to transmit and you're unable to receive, then it is the second section.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Okay, so now what we need is the second Studio 54, and we need to get the fentanyl out of the cocaine. And then we're gonna have a fucking party again.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

It's gonna be the 70s all over again. And I'm totally into it because I'm into disco music and expanding my mind. Are you into it, honey? Yeah, that sounds great. Okay, um, so I want to ask you um some more questions since this is a a two-parter um podcast episode. Do you find, are you looking for this one? Do you find just passing drugs back and forth? Do you find this is a fun Friday night? Come on. Uh do you find that um your partner has um, shall we say, the same fetishes as you or fetishes of their own? And how do you guys play those into your relationship either with each other or when you're practicing your open relationship?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Um he Yeah, I would say he shares a lot of the same. Like if I like if there's something that I want to try out or something, I'll just tell him to do it.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

So but does he both enjoy it? So he he's he's the spanker and you're the spanky. Is he ever the spanky? Are you into that?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

No, he's never asked for that. So he's usually not. And he pulls your hair. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

He likes dominant for sure. So he's a hard top and you're a hard bottom. Uh-huh. Well, he's verse. Oh, he's verse. Is he verse?

SPEAKER_01 10:06

He is verse. And like anytime like I will find a hot dick or something and I'll show it to him, I'll go, oh, what do you think of this guy? And he's like, Yeah, I'd like to have that.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

I'd like to have that. Oh, so racist.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

He doesn't ever get any from you know me, and we don't do it that, you know, like I don't ever top.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

So right, yeah. You don't ever top. I would say I'm I'm versatile bottom.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Oh, he just got a new message from Grinder. Oh, what does it say? What does it say? Wait, I didn't get to hear the grinder side. It's a tap.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

What is a tap? What is a tab? We didn't talk about tap. It just says the like is that a like? It's a like they like yeah, pretty much. Like they're like, oh, I like your photo. What photo are they seeing of you? Oh, that's their sunset. But they tapped you. So what's your picture that made them tap you? Oh. What are they seeing that were like, oh, I'll uh get me some of that. Oh, that oh, let me see it. That's a cute picture. That's a good one. Oh my god, wait, is this your name, Squirt in me? Yeah, oh my god, but it's not it's not the word squirt, folks. It's the emoji for squirt in me. That is clever, you dirty, dirty little boy. I like that he's got all season one filter on. Oh, is that a filter? I don't know about filters. No, that's totally oh, and this is your current bathroom, too. Oh, that's a good picture, but your hair is longer now.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

Yeah, it's an older picture.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

That one you take good pictures, you take like um like 10, 15 years ago, your pictures, uh, I think I told you were like that guy, Chris Carmichael from the OC. You're totally like the like the villain from like the one that's like, welcome to the OC bitch. I have a question now. I don't like this. I don't like this one.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Oh, you don't like that one?

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Then there's there's like a couple more. These are all in the primary.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

That one is totally let's hook up. This one? That one lounging, lounging at like the Batman villain layer angle. Uh-huh. Yeah. So what's the what's the one? I don't want to keep can are these not, these aren't naked. I can keep flipping. Okay. That's it. Oh, that's a super cute one. Is that on like Havasu?

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

Oh, what's the protocol now that's I like the white Varney sunglasses. Come on, 80s. What? What's the protocol now that he's poked you? Tap tap.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

You know what's funny is most people, including me. You better do calm down. It's like, why okay? So I actually had an interview with Grindr once. They had a like a survey thing and they called me and stuff. Yeah, it was interesting.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

What was that about?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Well, they wanted to know, like, because I don't know, they surveyed like random people or maybe people that existed for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

We're gonna have to get all new podcast equipment after this fucking Tasmanian devil runs through here. Well, there she goes. Well, I can get her once a night. I get her once a night. Thank you. I'm here all week.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Um, what were you saying?

SPEAKER_00 13:05

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Damn the weed. Yes, that's the problem. Couldn't be this. The alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Um, I don't remember.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

Well, we were talking about the last thing I remember, we were talking about though you guys does is he feel as free with you. Like you said that if you just want to try something out, you're like, let's do this. Does is he the same way with you so you guys can explore in your relationship? Or do you feel that there are some things that you save for your hookups because there are certain things that you wouldn't bring to the bed?

SPEAKER_01 13:39

No. Is open to pretty much anything.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

I mean, if you can't be open with your partner, then you don't have the kind of relationship that can sustain being open, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Correct. I mean, we have a relationship where if I want to try something or if he wants to try something new, we'll just tell each other and then we'll try it. And if we don't like something, we'll tell each other. I mean, that's just it's that simple.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

I I have told Robert like everything, like even stuff I don't want to tell my therapist, told Robert, because I do truly trust him and I know that he doesn't judge me. And what's interesting too is that once I tell him that thing that's been pinging around in my head that's been making me feel like bad because maybe it's somehow tied into like trauma from my childhood, he has such a great way of just laying it out that makes me realize I haven't been looking at it without uh an emotional eye. It's like everything is so like, oh my god, like level 10. And then he's like, Yeah, it just keeps going around and around and around like a fucking washing machine in my head. Um, but he's like, babe, it's totally okay. Like, this is what that means. It doesn't mean that. Like what you dream isn't literal. And I think that our fantasies are also not literal, but somehow play a part in filling in a gap or a hole in our psyche that was created by someone.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Oh my god, and I just realized what I just speaking of gaping hole.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Oh, pun intended, folks. Sorry, so sorry, I'm just so vulgar. Um, so anyway, now I'm kind of forgetting what we were talking about. I know there was a gaping hole somewhere, but wasn't mine, y'all. Oh, uh, yeah, I share everything with Robert, and he comes back and makes me feel good about sharing that with him. And we've had conversations about, you know, do we do the open relationship thing or do we not? And I think that both of us are turned on by the idea of inviting someone into our bed. But when it comes to the journey that we've been on and the things that we've been through, I think that we both really enjoy having, dare I say, the sanctity of our marriage to insulate us from things that make us feel vulnerable in the outside world. But I I don't have the same judgment over it like I did when I was young, and I just thought I'm going to basically live my life like a straight person because that was the only example that I was given. I see so many more variables that are possible in relationships today for a myriad of reasons. Um, and I think that that also helps solidify what I feel is best for myself and in having chosen a partner that's on the same page as me. And it seems like you've done the same with your partner, just in the opposite correct, the opposite way.

SPEAKER_01 16:35

I mean, the way I look at like being with other people and other stuff is I never look, I'm not looking for a relationship. Obviously, I'm looking to fuck.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

Oh my god, this is like that movie Orphan when she's like, I know, they fuck. Or Caitlin Olsen from the Eat. I already got the relationship part. Get the fuck out of my apartment. How about that? You get the fuck out of my apartment. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

So I already have the relationship part. So like I just look at it as another person is just an ex just a cherry on your Sunday. This isn't gonna sound nice for the other person.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Well, they're the other person that doesn't have to, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:17

But I treat them as if they're just a sex toy, like a dildo or anything else. That's it's an inanimate object.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

It's just meant to satisfy. It's meant to satisfy me. Me.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

And that's all it is.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

And they're probably getting the same thing, right? Because you've never been in a situation where someone professed their love to you, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

So, like So that goes back to my my first question. And and does grinder allow you to go into these situations with a certain mindset that you might not have outside of Grindr, which is yes, because you go into it like knowing this is a hookup.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Yeah. I mean, at least some people go on there saying, like, you know, they are the looking for a relationship, and that's fine.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Okay, people did that on gay.com too 20 years ago, but I'm gonna tell you something. I think that's fake. I think that's meant to attract somebody, right? It's like a game, right? Like the second you put a wedding ring on your finger, you're 10 times more attractive to people out in public than you were when you didn't have a ring on your finger, right? It's like that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

I mean, for me, uh even if I'm gonna be in a relationship with somebody, I want to know what their dick looks like first.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Yes, but grinder means that you're gonna take a look at the dick and then you don't care to look at it again. Oh like I would think because Tinder is gay and straight, right? Yeah, so I and I feel like there's also plenty of fish, and match.com is still out there, and for the self-hating gays, you've got um farmers only. Farmers only now.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

I'm okay with doing it again with the same person.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

E-harmony, e-harmony.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

I mean, I like doing it with the same person again as a hookup, you know, if they have a great dick and we had fun, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

So they're there to satisfy a craving, but they're not necessarily disposable.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Correct. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Well, I think that's a very balanced state of mind.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Part of a balanced breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

Uh I'm also too like, I'm just very vanilla because I think I did so much when I was younger and really trying to explore my boundaries and my limits as well. But I just, I mean, I always like the daddy thing, it was always my thing, like when I was 19 and now that I'm 46. I like the daddy thing. Sometimes I say daddy, but it's not like dad. It's just like, no, I I submit to you. I give you control over me because I trust you. Um, which is definitely not like my father. And then um I could see like like along with the cowboy boots and the cowboy hat, like maybe a harness. Yeah, like yeah, some I don't know, maybe like a Sherlock's home cap and a pipe but nothing else. Like I could get into stuff like that. Um but uh yeah, and I like toys. Toys are good. Um and I like that one thing, but I have to be really in the mood for it, but I won't say what it is because I don't want to embarrass Robert. But I could spend all day down there. Um But that's about it, really, honestly. I just enjoy the intimacy of being with Robert, and I enjoy being able to share ourselves in ways and to express ourselves in ways that evolve with us as our relationship evolves throughout the year. There's a there's just a comfort in trusting something, the way that I trust that relation that aspect of our relationship.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

I'm just a huge cumhorn.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

You oh my god, the look on your face when you said that was almost predatory, Steven. Oh my goodness gracious. Oh my god. Well, um, maybe we can run to the market. I don't know. Well, let's see who's in maybe you you uh stop by someone's uh apartment on the way out of the building. You never know. You never know. Um, do you have any last words, Robert? Now that you've uh you've you've come out of isolation and taken your bugs off. Now that we're back to PG, PG 13 mode. No, I think um I think Steven said it all. Sorry, folks. We're just having some fun here tonight. Um, I was gonna say, this is too bad this this isn't one of the video recorded episodes, but actually, no, I don't think I don't think that's that doesn't work that doesn't work in tonight's situation, but just know that we are having a tremendous amount of fun. Um, I've learned something new about um my friend and and uh dating apps. And um I I think that that that fascination and curiosity has been satiated. It's honestly nothing new, nothing I didn't do 20 years ago for 20 years. Um, so yeah, this is um this has been a delightful two-parter conversation about sex. Um, Steven, thank you so much for joining us. Is there anything that you'd like to say in parting or anything you want our listeners to know about you?

SPEAKER_01 22:21

It was nice talking, and uh yeah, thanks. Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

Now who's vanilla? All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Um, hope you enjoyed this uh podcast with our friend Steve. And um, yeah, join us again next week. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Bye.