The Sex Episode- Part 1

We're joined by our friend "Steven" for a very NSFW episode of The Mr. & Mrs. Show. If you've ever wanted to find out more about the secret world of Gay Sex, how Grinder works, and a little insight into Nomi's past, be sure to not miss this two-part episode!

Download this and future episodes of our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Pocketcasts, and anywhere else to find your favorite shows. You can search MR & MRS and please be sure to subscribe, and/or write a review if possible to help build our show. Have an idea for a future episode, or want to join us for a conversation? Email us at hello@mrandmrs.show!

Download this and future episodes of our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Pocketcasts, and anywhere else to find your favorite shows. You can search Why Are We Like This? and please be sure to subscribe, and/or write a review if possible to help build our show.  Have an idea for a future episode, or want to join us for a conversation? Send us a message with the link above!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Hello and welcome to the Mr. and Mrs. Show. I'm Mr. who just got goosed.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Hi, I'm uh Mrs. who just did the goosing.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

The goose, the gooser versus goosey. I'm the gooser. Um we have a very special guest today. Who is that?

SPEAKER_02 0:33

Um it is our friend Mr. X.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Mr. X. Oh, we're not saying his name.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Yeah, we have to protect. He has uh a boyfriend who is uh he holds uh like a political position with one of the cities in our area. So we have to protect his identity.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

This is this is very like I'm a senator's wife.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Yes, yes, it is. Yeah, yeah. So um, so we're excited to have our friend here. Um what do you want to be called today, friend?

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Stephen.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

So, Steven, what is today's topic?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

What are we talking about, Stephen? I don't know. What are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 1:16

What do you mean? What are what are you here to talk about? Why did we pull you onto this podcast today? What is this episode about?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Sexual relations, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Sexual relations. Is that how the song goes? Let's talk about sexual relations.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Yes, today's episode is about sex, and our friend Steven has a lot of it. And um he's here to talk to you heard it dirty. That's your problem. Um, and he's here to talk to us today about uh what sex is like um for someone who is open to it in 2023, because the last time um we were in that space was 16 years ago. So um you are in a relationship, but you have an open relationship. Yes. You and your partner both practice that.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

And um, you also use the grindr app, which I have I have never seen or experienced. I've just heard about it, and I think it's that thing that you like swipe on, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:25

Uh you scroll through it and you can see anybody that's around you per mileage-based.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Okay. Yeah. Um and then okay, so tell tell me about or us about the grindr app. Like how does it work? How do you use it to accomplish uh your goal for lack of a better word, practicing in an open relationship?

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Uh well, uh the grindr app shows you, you know, people that are near you and so on. And you go on there and you look for, well, I look for people that are I find attractive.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

And then what happens when you find that we're scrolling through pictures and then you find that attractive person, and then what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 3:07

I'm pretty aggressive because I know what I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

Yes, yes, you are you are an aggressive person. Yes, I am. Um so no, but you find the picture, and then just based on how the app works, because remember, I I don't know. I have not used it, I haven't seen it. So what do you do when you find the picture of someone that you like or find attractive? What's the next one?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

I'll just message them, hey, what what are you doing? Or uh how's it going? Depending on like there's like little captions at the bottom of their profile that'll like give you an idea of what they're looking for as well. So sometimes they put their name or sometimes they put like photos.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah, it's like gate.com from the early. It pretty much is it. Okay, got it. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

So it's definitely like people are will put like they're looking for you know a hookup or they're looking for a relationship, but it's it's a hookup app.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

I would say if it's based on proximity and location, it's probably more of a hookup app.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

I would yes, I think so.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yeah, I think so. Okay, so um, so then okay, so it operates like gay.com. So you basically just scroll through these pictures and these profiles, and then you find one that you like and you message this person, and then they get the message, they check out your profile, and if they like you back, then they'll respond to your message. And if they don't like you or you're not their type, then you may hear from them saying, Not my type, or they just don't even respond at all.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

They just ask you.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Okay, I got it, I got it.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I mean, that's pretty common.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

And then how does the and then once you guys have messaged each other and you're like, I'm looking for this, and he said, Well, I'm looking for that. Um, and then you guys just say on the direct message, oh, do you want to hook up and where should we hook up?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

I say, like, you want to fuck, or like, what are you interested in, or like how much what do you like to do?

SPEAKER_01 4:52

It sounds so easy and direct.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

It is a hundred percent direct.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

And it sounds bizarre to me because uh it's it I don't know. Our relationship started so much earlier on before any of those dating apps started that it's well there was gay.com because I was on.com.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

Oh my gosh. And they're not even around anymore, are they? No, I think they are they are gay.com building families.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Now it's an app where you can just scroll through and pick what you want.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

The funny thing about that is now grind is on now a website.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Oh, interesting. So they're kind of like reverse doing okay, got on.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

You can now go under Grinder on the web instead of just using your phone on the world wide web for sex.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

El sexo. Okay, so that's what the internet is for anyway. So um, okay. That's what AI is for, too. Robert may sound a little bit in the distance, and that's because this is a very mature and adult subject matter that he may or may not be comfortable with. So he's gonna be sitting in the background, and um, we're just gonna kind of let Steven talk and do what he needs to do. I'm trying to be preventing. You're gonna go sit down until you can finish that sentence. Um, okay, so when was the last time that you used grinder to hook up?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Two days ago.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

Oh, was it good? Yeah. Okay, so what is a typical grinder date like for you versus um like a hookup that you might have that you don't do through grinder?

SPEAKER_00 6:32

I would say all hookups are done through grinder.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

Okay. Is there a special like mindset that you have going into these hookups because they're on grinder? Like back in the day, if I met someone on gay.com, I was kind of going into that experience thinking that it's gonna be a one-night stand. Like gay.com wasn't something that I was using for a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm just looking for good dick.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Okay, but does it create a certain mindset in like what kind of dick you're gonna find or how you're gonna treat that dick once you find it? Does grinder give you access to dive more into like your fantasies and your fetishes?

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Yes, okay. For sure, because there's definitely guys that are into what you're into, and you can talk to them and find out and yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:22

Okay. And as a gay man in an open relationship, what are the things that you're into?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Uh, I like to be spanked, I like to be fucked, I like to suck dick. Ooh, we got a live one here.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

So I I've known you now for over 10 years, and we're not shy about having discussions about sex, but we've never really talked about like what we are specifically into. And um, I'm pretty vanilla, like there's a few things that I like. Like I could get into like cowboy hat and cowboy boots and nothing else, or uh like a leather harness and a leather jock strap. Um, and I I like the daddy type. I always have since I was really young, and now that I'm 46, I still do like the daddy top. Like, give me like a thick guy with a hairy chest, and I'm in. Um, that's about the extent of it. What about you? So you like to be spanked. Are you into like BDSM specifically?

SPEAKER_00 8:28

No, uh, I would say that like the spanking part. I this probably I mean the spanking and like I like my hair pulled and don't nobody better be touching my wheel. And uh I yeah, that's probably about as far as it goes.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

What is it about those acts that excite you?

SPEAKER_00 8:52

I guess I like I think it's more of a like what other people perceive as pain is feels more pleasureful in the moment, at least. Like in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Now, what is the most extreme thing that you've done in line with your um your likes or your fetishes? Like one time I had sex in a sex club and it was kind of an open environment, and when I was done having sex with the guy I was having sex with, I realized we had developed an audience. And I was like, uh-oh, this isn't good. I mean, this is back in the mid-90s, too. So it's like there weren't no one had cell phones, there was not social media, those it was a freer time. Um, but I I felt in that moment, I felt a little like I need to get out of here before people think I'm open for business. That was, I think, the most extreme situation I've ever found myself in.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

I have uh I've had sex with my partner in a hotel in Palm Springs, in an open courtyard bed that was like in a I don't know what you call that place. I don't know, like a bathhouse or like it's a hotel, but it you stay there.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Well, yeah, you do stay at hotels.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

So it's like a bathhouse that has accommodations.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

And so we were having sex on the bed that's in like an open courtyard, and like it was around 2 a.m. and a bunch of people came through, and we didn't realize that they were gonna do that, and so everybody was watching us, but I had no issues with it, so that was that was pretty hot. Okay, okay, okay. We finished um Okay, so I'm processing, I'm taking this in.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

And I'm trying to think of like other I mean that's not pretty extreme because I mean there's was there spanking going on? No, was he pulling your hair?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

No, no, it was just in the middle of open, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

And do you being in an open relationship practice being open separately, or do you guys also have sex with people together?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Both.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Both.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

And what do you think are first of all, how long have you been with your partner?

SPEAKER_00 11:09

18 years.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

Okay. And were you always in an open relationship? No. Okay. Um, what is the benefit do you think at this point in time of being in an open relationship?

SPEAKER_00 11:23

The benefit, I would say because you're practicing it now instead of not.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

So I'm assuming that you wouldn't still be doing it if you guys didn't find it to be of benefit.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

I find that it's very hot that like my partner is with. I don't know. I actually ask him like if he's been with other people. Uh-huh. And like he'll tell me like details and stuff, and he'll ask me, and we actually both find it erotic. Like, it's hot.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

And that goes both ways. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh-huh. What is what was the catalyst for you guys going from being in a monogamous relationship to being in an open relationship?

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Me cheating on him.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Okay. Do you and do you regret that happening, or are you glad that it happened because it forced your relationship to evolve to where it is today? Or are you guys where you're at just sort of by default because that happens?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

That place by default, I would say.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

So aside from it being like erotic, there isn't necessarily a benefit to strengthening your relationship with your partner.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Not that it weakens it, but it's not of benefit. It's just kind of where you're at because of what happened.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

I'll give you an example. Like I was doing the home remodel in Big Bear for the last two uh for over the summer last year. I was only seeing my partner on the weekends. Uh, and so he would come up and see me. He, you know, like being away from him for a longer period of time that we're not used to being away from each other for that long because we usually see each other every day. Oh, does the heart grow fonder? Yeah, it does. It actually does. I would say so. Yes. So it actually is. We wouldn't know anything about that. Beneficial. I thought that that was beneficial.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

So yeah. I mean, in some ways, I don't know, like, do I get jealous of the other like him being with other people?

SPEAKER_02 13:17

Well that was gonna be my next question. Is there ever a point where you do feel jealous?

SPEAKER_00 13:20

Yes, and I do. And I feel like as I feel like it's jealousy is one of those things that if you're comfortable with the person that you're with, that it's just an emotion that you have to get over. And I have to I figure out how to get over it because I do find the scenario hot as well.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

So because I was also gonna ask then, where do you find that line between the idea of your partner having sex with someone else being erotic versus invoking that jealousy issue?

SPEAKER_00 13:55

I would say that emotional connection starts to draw that line. So sex to me is, and this is why I'm so free about it. Like sex to me is just You also grew up in a nudie camp, too, right? But that that was not a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:15

Oh my god, do you remember no no no no no not at all? But it helps in being, I think, freer with yourself and your expression of yourself. But I will never forget the expression on my sister's face when she found out that you grew up in a nudist camp. I don't remember. We were oh my god, we were sitting on the couch and I was like, Well, you know, when you grew up in the nudist camp, and Emily just like shook her head back and forth and went, Oh wait, oh my god, what? And just mouth agape. Do you remember that, honey? Oh my god, it was hilarious. Um, so the emotional connection that you build with your partner outside of being in an open relationship with him is what helps ensure the experience to be beneficial for you guys rather than invoking jealousy.

SPEAKER_00 15:05

I mean, so if your relationship it still invokes jealousy, but I have to figure out how to, I still try to go, okay. He loves me, he says that he loves me. We, you know, when we both know that and we've been together long enough and we've had enough problems and we've dealt with them.

SPEAKER_02 15:22

So I mean, yeah, um I think when you realize that the person isn't going to leave you and you can just have fun with other people, then yeah, it's so if you were in a weak relationship though, being in an open relationship may not be the best thing for the longevity of that relationship because you need to have that emotional component.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

I would say so. Yeah. This jealousy, is it because um your partner is with someone else, or is it because your partner slept with someone else that you also wanted to sleep with?

SPEAKER_02 15:56

Oh no, it's probably listen to Taffy come from the from the back row.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

I have no jealousy if like the person that he well, because I'm obviously a bottom. Well, I'm a bottom and he's a top.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Yes, it's very obvious to our listeners right now that you're a bottom.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I'm a bottom and he's versatile, but most of the time.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

You are like, I forget what the new term is. You're like a dominant bottom though. Like, oh, a soft top versus a hard bottom, you're a hard bottom because you like to take it, but yet you are very sort of alpha in how you live your life in your life.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Yeah, I could do that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

But um I'm a hard bottom, I'm a bossy bottom. Just bossy, just bossy, slopabotomous. After that night at the sex club, I was sloppabotomous. And and okay, just to add a little spice to your tea, I was in drag when this happened because it was right after a drag show. And I was just drunk enough and just bored enough, and no one wanted to go out and have more fun. So I was like, well, everyone talks about the producer of our show going to this place, which was kind of a joke. So I'm like, I'm just gonna go check it out. I don't even remember the name of it. I wish I could. It was good times. Um, but yeah, it was I was in drag, and then the guy that I was having sex with had used my pantyhose to tie my hands up with. So it was like this whole scene. I was like, who do I think I am? Madonna? From that movie she did with Willem Defoe. I can't even think of it now. We've been imbibing this evening as well. We needed a little lubrication for this conversation. Um, okay. So going back to Grindr, have you ever had issues where because grinders based on location and who's closest to you, have you ever run into people like out and about at the grocery after you've hooked up with them on grinder because you're hooking up with local people? Can I say that?

SPEAKER_00 18:07

I have I have.

SPEAKER_02 18:09

Okay, so what is that like? And is it is it a gay guy who's like out and it's no big deal? Or hooking up on the DM?

SPEAKER_00 18:19

But multiple times, and they are married.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Oh, so how do you feel about that? Because you and your partner are in an open relationship, which is great for you guys. Do you know if this person has an arrangement with his wife, or are you just assuming that he is on the DL?

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Oh, he doesn't have does not have an arrangement with his wife.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

So, how do you feel about being on the on the other side? The other side of that equation. Like, do you feel that you owe their relationship any responsibility? No, yeah. So that's it's their relationship, it's their responsibility. I actually should she should know to check up on her husband.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

I actually don't feel bad for the woman so much. Well, I kind of do, but I feel bad because the man has lied to himself and her.

SPEAKER_02 19:16

Yeah. So yeah. And a girl's gotta eat, so if you gotta get the dick on the DL, you still gotta get the dick. Yeah. Okay. I don't know that I personally have an opinion. I mean, I can see both sides. I can see that's not my relationship, it's not my commitment, it's not my responsibility. The mistress is just off doing her own thing, she's not the one committing any crimes. I can also see that you don't want people meddling in your relationship, you don't want people poking in the sort of vulnerable areas of your relationship. Well, here I bounce back. But if your relationship is vulnerable and open to attack, that's because you are not doing something in the relationship to reinforce those weakened spots. For example, having that emotional connection with the partner so that you can get the benefit while checking the cons of the situation of the relationship.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

So, well, the the one like I think of like one person is specifically that like is in the military and like he is married, but is clearly bi or at least bi.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

You know that being bi is just the layover to gay villa.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

And his yeah, I mean, it's just I don't know. I just feel yeah, they they should I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

It's not your responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

That's how you feel responsibility because I feel like okay, they need to figure out who they are, and that's not my issue, but they really do need to figure out who they are.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Right. Well, and you didn't you weren't the one saying I do. Yeah. So, you know, yeah. Free enterprise. Yeah. Um, I'm just trying to think like in putting myself in the shoes of like the mistress. Because I have slept with somebody that was in a relationship, and I knew that they were in a relationship. One person, it was just a one-night stand, but oh my god, it was a good one. It went all night, it was so fantastic, and he was so hot, and the other one was somebody that I actually fell in love with very quickly and was with for a while, and it was just a bad scene. But I was young, I was 19 and all that. Um, but the thing with the one night stand is they were coming to the club in West Hollywood that I was always at, and I was in drag, and so it's really weird that this happened because I normally don't like to hook up and drag because I don't do it because I want to be a woman. I do it because it's a form, it's an art form that I have just naturally gravitated towards. Um so it's this guy and his boyfriend, and we're hanging out, and we're doing some blow and getting drunk, and I invite them back to my house, and the guy that I thought was really hot followed me in. Like I guess they took separate cars. They met there at um we were at Mickey's before it burned down. And and then we this so they drove separate cars, and the guy that I like, I can't remember his name now, he jumped out of his car and ran into my apartment behind me real fast and then closed the door. And there were two doors to get into my apartment. There was like the main door that you had to be buzzed into, and then there was um like four apartments on either side of a main hallway. And I was the first apartment when you walked into the left. Now, this is important because that means that I had a downstairs front-facing window, and it was a huge panoramic window that was sort of almost like triangular shaped but curved. So um I'm like, Oh, your boyfriend, we got to let him in. And he was like, No, he'll he'll buzz when he gets here. And I'm like, okay, and we're just getting more and more wasted. And I guess the guy was on the buzzer. So instead of letting me let him in, he would call him on the cell phone and be like, the buzzer's broken, we'll be right out to come get you. And we never went out to get him, and we just started making out, and I was like, Oh my god, what's happening? And I didn't want to be that person in that moment, but this guy was so hot, and I was just wasted enough to be selfish and say, Well, I'm just gonna get what I want. Like Kelly and some shoes, I'm gonna get what I want. Um, and and we did many, many, many, many times that night. And then we woke up the next morning. And for those of you listening that have had that kind of night that involves a few different substances, there's a very specific type of way that you wake up. So we both woke up, and I was out of drag, by the way. We didn't do anything in drag, I was out of drag. We both woke up and looked at each other and we were like hot messes. And I was just like, I could fall in love with you. And he's like, I could fall in love with you, and I was like, Oh my god, he's leaving his boyfriend for me. Just 24 and clueless. Um, but we like had a good time and we were cuddling, and I was like, Okay, this is gonna turn into something. He's like, I gotta go. I gotta go deal with my boyfriend. I'm gonna call you later and we're gonna get together. And I was like, Holy shit, this is really happening. And then I didn't hear from him for three days, and then I finally got him on the phone and he was like, I can't leave him. We had this big old thing, it's just is what it is. And I was I was kind of heartbroken, but I was more into the drama of being heartbroken than I because it just made such a fantastic story to everyone I knew at that time. Okay, I think that's enough for this episode. Be sure to tune in next week for the conclusion of our sex episode.