Ready for a rollercoaster ride through the often hilarious and always unpredictable mind of Mike Parry? Strap in, because we're about to explore everything from his daring declarations about soap stars' Oscar potential to humorous tales about Elton John concerts and monkey waiters. Our collaborator, the Twitter titan Minor Charles, inspires us as we weave our way through a labyrinth of Mike's most unforgettable statements - get ready to laugh, ponder, and maybe even see the world a little differently.
We're not just here for the humor, though - we're about to dive into some serious debate. Should Wayne Rooney have postponed his wedding for Euro 2008? Is it appropriate for the Premier League to be represented at the Queen's funeral? And is Alan Shearer really as significant as Florence Nightingale? There's no topic too absurd or controversial for us to tackle.
And just when you think we've covered it all, we end the episode on a fun and feathered note. Join us as we ponder over which Antipodean creature shares a part of a duck's anatomy - the answers may surprise you, and they're bound to entertain. So come celebrate the quirks, question the oddities, and enjoy a wild journey through Mike Parry's world with us.
Ready for a rollercoaster ride through the often hilarious and always unpredictable mind of Mike Parry? Strap in, because we're about to explore everything from his daring declarations about soap stars' Oscar potential to humorous tales about Elton John concerts and monkey waiters. Our collaborator, the Twitter titan Minor Charles, inspires us as we weave our way through a labyrinth of Mike's most unforgettable statements - get ready to laugh, ponder, and maybe even see the world a little differently.
We're not just here for the humor, though - we're about to dive into some serious debate. Should Wayne Rooney have postponed his wedding for Euro 2008? Is it appropriate for the Premier League to be represented at the Queen's funeral? And is Alan Shearer really as significant as Florence Nightingale? There's no topic too absurd or controversial for us to tackle.
And just when you think we've covered it all, we end the episode on a fun and feathered note. Join us as we ponder over which Antipodean creature shares a part of a duck's anatomy - the answers may surprise you, and they're bound to entertain. So come celebrate the quirks, question the oddities, and enjoy a wild journey through Mike Parry's world with us.
Living with Maidalee. Living with Maidalee.
Speaker 1:Living with Maidalee. Living with Maidalee. Hello and welcome to Living with Maidalee. This is a nostalgic TV podcast where me and my co-host, lee Roy Jenkins, look back at old TV. But we're not really doing that today. This is a bonus episode, so we're like to keep it free and easy, and we're doing. Mr Mike Parry. Welcome to the show, by the way.
Speaker 3:Hello, so Mike Parry, it should be Sir, shouldn't it really? But yeah, Mike Parry.
Speaker 1:A lot of people have asked us to do a second. We've already done a Mike Parry episode. We're basically our favourite clips, but this is basically in collaboration with the former major Charles, the now minor Charles, who the greatest Twitter rememberer on the scene, I think it's fair to say picks out some fantastic, always finds really good Getty images as well the old pictures of Slumbringers, a sort of brilliant Q-Tregman and Les Dennis walking together and Sue's looking really cool.
Speaker 3:It obviously hit the mark, though, didn't it, on Twitter, and it became no more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was taken. It was compromised to a permanent end on Twitter for something that I still don't know what he said. I don't really want to know what he said, to be fair, because I think it's a travesty whatever he said. But basically the major, as we call him, sent us an unbelievable amount of Mike Parry quotes and we weren't really sure what to do with him. We've come up with a little bit of an idea, and so this is basically it might be a bit all over the place this, but in collaboration with the major, and thank you for all the comments that you sent. I'll piss him off reading them.
Speaker 3:There's more since that email by the way if anyone wants to follow up minor Charles. He does keep a running tally of great Mike Parry quotes and statements.
Speaker 1:If you like Mike Parry, follow the minor Charles Joe Stephenson96, I think it is on Twitter, because he keeps a.
Speaker 1:I can't remember he keeps yeah, he keeps a log of Mike Parry's best moment. So before we get into it, I'll just like you know. What we're going to try and do is we're not going to cover the entire eight of Mike Parry's Korean, but can't cover the entire eight of all the quotes that Major Charles sent us. So we're just going to do. We've got a little bit of an idea, aren't we, liam? Should we get straight into it? Yeah, we'll try and see what happens, we'll see.
Speaker 3:We're not quite sure where this one's going to go, but there's so much good stuff to go out. We have to do it. We have to try.
Speaker 1:So, to start us off on this little journey with Parry, what I've done is I picked out 10 Mike Parry statements and we're going to try and discuss whether he's got a point or not. Is he not as fairly? And see if we can, because he gets a lot of sticking because I was just an idiot, he's a buffoon and all this. Well, I don't know. I'm looking at some of these and I'm thinking, yeah, maybe he has got a point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I think it's a good idea. Let's start by seeing his only truth behind Parry. Did he pass the challenge? Pass the?
Speaker 1:challenge. So the first one that I picked out is he says that Ken Barlow, obviously Coronation Street, would win an Oscar if he had acted in a film. Do you think that was true? Obviously Ken Barlow. William Roach is obviously. I like the fact he's calling Ken Barlow as well, not William Roach has obviously been in Coronation Street since, I think, the first episode Longest Serving Person.
Speaker 2:South.
Speaker 1:East Drive, I believe. So yeah, I mean I don't watch it, but it would have been if Barlow were the one It'd have been national news wouldn't it mate?
Speaker 3:I can't agree on that because I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong. I just don't know how you judge him on playing a very small part. I know he's involved a lot more in the earlier days but I can't say I've seen Oscar-winning performances from Ken now.
Speaker 1:Or about Ian Veal he's by the same character and Phil, so Mitchell, another one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, again, I think I don't know. I don't know why I'm thinking that. I'm thinking now you've got to play a few different roles. But that's not what an Oscar is, is it?
Speaker 1:It's for one performance, so I mean D'Airo don't really play D'Airo's moment. I don't know, he's not that adaptable is he as an actor?
Speaker 3:I reckon Ken Barlow could play a mob boss, but can D'Airo play Manchester? Nobody.
Speaker 1:I don't think D'Airo could play Ken Barlow, absolutely not, no way. Imagine him, yeah, come on. But the weird thing as well, though I'm with you, I don't think Ken Barlow would win an Oscar because we see so many soap stars leave the soaps to go on to pastures new and then you're coming back down and nothing ever happens to them. The list is endless dirty. Dan Marty McCutcher did all right. Actually, what were his names?
Speaker 3:Gingerbread and Sean Sean Slater, sean Slater, yeah, he left to become Ross Kempata going to making documentaries.
Speaker 1:Who else are there? Loads of people have left. What were her name? She did all right Sarah Lancashire Raquel.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's been exceptions, but yeah, for the most part, surely what's not quite as good, but you know.
Speaker 1:So Barlow's probably got it right there, but no on the first one. I think, mike Parrae, I think that's a no.
Speaker 2:Rubbish. No, no, I've got that right. I'm sorry, you've just been obtuse now.
Speaker 1:So number two, what I picked out here, so Mike Parrae. Once Chloe was restricted to size extra large and anyone bigger should have to wear a fat sack. Right, this goes into another one, so these are two in one here. And he wants sweets and chocolate and intricate wrappers so people with fat fingers can't open them. Yeah, I see you got a point.
Speaker 3:I mean, he's not got a point in the sense I think you've got to make clothes for people whatever size they are. But I think in terms of like, yeah, there's something to be said for some sort of like skill that if you're too big you can't have the high calorie stuff. I think I had on XFM they were talking about like, maybe some bars to get to the sweets, and if you're too big to get through the bars you can't get to the sweet stuff. So yeah, I see you thinking behind the kind of challenge.
Speaker 1:So what about people who obviously medically have got issues obviously making? Their way on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but again though, if that is the case, should they really be eating all the sweet stuff? I'm not saying that if nature's kind of giving them a disadvantage, then unfortunately the sweet stuff might not be for you and the greedy ones.
Speaker 2:so that's it.
Speaker 1:So that's the trick, that's the challenge. So the next one I picked out, number three, is he says that nobody with a proper role in life should wear a rucksack.
Speaker 3:I love his mad statements.
Speaker 1:He goes about rucksacks. There's a little quote on here actually where he goes on about rucksacks. He absolutely hates people with rucksacks.
Speaker 3:I know what it means, in a sense that we once went to the Natural History Museum and some knobbett in front of us had a massive backpack on and every time I turned around it was like bashing me on my arms. So I ended up like shorn out.
Speaker 1:But that's not really what he's saying. I think he's basically saying if you've got a good job or a proper role, there's no need for a rucksack. I don't think that's true. I carry a rucksack to work, sometimes, exactly. So he's not right with that. But I don't know what he means by a proper role in life.
Speaker 3:Would you ever see a Prime Minister or a King with a rucksack on On?
Speaker 1:two shoulders as well.
Speaker 2:Do you know like a?
Speaker 3:little kid with a big rucksack on the back. I kind of see where he's coming from.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, I think actually, is anyone really?
Speaker 3:Bear Grylls was a rucksack. Bear Grylls is a rucksack.
Speaker 1:He's got a proper role, hasn't he? He needs that, doesn't?
Speaker 3:he, but yeah, like a film star. Imagine on Red Carpet Brad Pitt coming in with a big full rucksack on two shoulders.
Speaker 1:About Armoured People they wear rucksacks. People in the Armoured they must wear rucksacks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I think if it's functional for your job, I think you have to, but I think almost what he's saying is like he wouldn't have like the Colonel or the Major on the battlefield with a big double rucksack on, would you?
Speaker 1:Maybe you wouldn't have that.
Speaker 3:I've got one right again. You know it might be right again.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right again. So that's two out of three. He's got there. That's the challenge. So the next one is ridiculous. He says that smoking a cigarette a month is good for you because it expands the lungs.
Speaker 3:I can't go with him on that. I don't know where he's got. I know he's got a lot of journals. I don't know where he's got that information. I don't see how that's possible. But he might know something we don't. Maybe Mentho, maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1:I doubt it. I mean, you know that's just a straight now in it. Really. I mean, you know, I don't think any doctors backing him up there, or even Dr Hillary Jones would be backing off there.
Speaker 3:No, I think. Unfortunately, Mike, it's a no.
Speaker 2:You've just been obtuse now.
Speaker 1:So this one is it. I'm just going to read it out and see what you think. He thinks he's coming idea for people to stop stealing petrol which is putting a detonator in cars and exploding.
Speaker 3:I mean, I mean it would work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does work, as is it's area.
Speaker 3:Imagine like that sort of you know there's a really busy moment, dad in the morning rushing the kids pulling petrol station They've got a million things on the brain accidentally pull away from the forecourt just about to turn back in. I forgot to play family for kills.
Speaker 1:That's what I mean. Yeah, there'd be a lot of people like that. I mean I mean selfishly, maybe he's forgot before, obviously, to pay for stuff. Imagine him getting blown up.
Speaker 3:I think what's actually a very good version of that, though, is maybe an immobiliser, that some kind of immobilise on your car that triggers when you drive into the and if they don't press a button to acknowledge payment, your engine turns off. So 50 meters down the road or whatever that, I don't think you have to explode the car. I would say no, but if it's got to be yes or no, I'm afraid I don't think you should blow cars up if they're not paid.
Speaker 1:You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.
Speaker 2:You just made obtuse.
Speaker 1:Now Right, this is weird. On this he says that not a single journalist was killed in the troubles in Ireland and the reason was because he made sure of it. He made sure that no journalist was killed in the troubles. Is that true? It's not really, as he got a point there, but could that possibly be true.
Speaker 3:I don't know on the first bit. So I don't know if any journalists were killed. I would say, kind of like the bombings and stuff, it's pretty non discretionary, isn't it? It's just whoever's there, so I don't know. Did he make sure it didn't happen? As much as I love Mike Perry, I can't see him having major influence over the either side of the IRA or the freedom fighters or whoever. Yeah, the unionists? I don't know. Probably not, I would say.
Speaker 1:I probably put that in the wrong category, because that's a claim rather than but. Again I'm going to have to say no, I don't think that could possibly be true, I mean, if he did fair play to him You've just made obtuse now.
Speaker 1:So we're taking you back now to Euro 2008. If you remember Euro 2008,. England failed to qualify under Steve McLaren. You remember that. I think I watched that game with you actually when they failed to qualify and they lost to Croatia 3-2 in the final game. Mike Perry says Wayne Rooney should have delayed his wedding so that he could watch and study how Croatia were playing.
Speaker 3:Maybe, maybe. I mean I don't know why he couldn't have just watched it on record or whatever like repeat.
Speaker 1:I think he watched it in my story.
Speaker 3:He wrote Rooney's autobiography, didn't he? Yeah, I'll come on to that in a bit. Well, I'll tell you what there's something about what he actually said about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he loves obviously bringing that up and he says that he says something on lines of socialism's dead. Because there he is, he goes. Nobody's buying death capital these days, but people are still buying my Rooney book.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know. I don't know, he might be right. I mean, we find margins maybe, maybe so.
Speaker 1:Maybe, so Should we give it in, or are? We saying I know, I know that you can delay a wedding to watch football match that you can watch on anytime. You could have watched it on his honeymoon every day.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but like say, fine margin if you're, if you want to win a World Cup or a European.
Speaker 2:Tournament. There's only one goal, isn't?
Speaker 3:it.
Speaker 1:And he's the sacrifice you've got to make. Yeah, lost three-two. We'll give him. We'll give him. Yeah, he's right on that one. Yeah, yeah, delay your wedding, rooney. That's the challenge. Staying on the football thing, number eight he wanted the Premier League representative at the Queen's funeral because the NHS were Dear Roger. I laughed at me enough about this one, because I thought who, who's going to represent the Premier League there at the Queen's funeral and where are they going to be?
Speaker 3:I only ever think of Scoot-A-Maw. I don't know after Scoot-A-Maw.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I always think of Scoot-A-Maw. Yeah, or even Trevor Brockey, who's not even in.
Speaker 3:Peter Taylor or something like that. Who's Premier?
Speaker 1:League. I don't even know who he is.
Speaker 3:I don't know what he means, though you know the NHS is a business, and what is if the NHS is there? Why not have the Premier League there? Because the NHS, I think.
Speaker 1:The NHS. Do something for the country where the Premier League is just a sport. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Like the Premier League is just an organisation. It's a very well-paid businessman or woman. They're not out on a battlefield saving lives, are they?
Speaker 1:They're just an executive Do you think Alan Shearer should be sat next to? I don't know.
Speaker 3:You think Alan Shearer is as important as Florence Manningale no, but I suppose what I'm saying is if they did a poll and say nurses or doctors got invited, then yeah, absolutely fine. But if you're just saying an executive from this business, but not from that business. I'm on board with him, I think.
Speaker 1:But the Premier League doesn't give as much out as the NHS. Maybe it does, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I suppose it's the representation of the NHS. But then I would rather see a doctor who worked 64 hours in the last week to keep things going. Give them a day off, let them go. I don't want to see the big weeks that on half a million a year. Yeah well, I think he's right again.
Speaker 1:Do we say he's right again? Yeah, okay, he's right again. That's the challenge. Yeah, the next one, number nine. He says that street lights should be dimmed to reduce crime levels, as criminals won't be able to see in the dark.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is one I remember from reading it before. I think he's this is flawed. Yeah, not only is he wrong, I think he's got it completely the opposite way around, I think. For the environment, yeah great, dim the street lights, let's have less light pollution. I think criminals thrive in it, like badly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's our environment, it's their habitat. Innit.
Speaker 3:It's like turning back to like Victoria in England innit Like Jack the Ripper out about again. Candlelit policeman. No, he's got that one massively wrong.
Speaker 1:Nobody says are they? Oh, I've got to walk home in the daylight. Do you know what I?
Speaker 3:mean I'm just trying to, unless he's thinking is. I've sort of said to Jodie before if anyone ever broke into our house I would like to flip the fuse switch so all the lights go off. No lights, because obviously I know this house better than they do. So I'm here on suing engagement. I think I have an advantage if there's no light. People carry a torch, but I think if you're shining a torch, unless you can shine it in their eyes, they know where you are.
Speaker 1:I disagree with Maslow because, like all the crimes, pretty much every crime is committed at night, so making it by even dark.
Speaker 3:It's theories wrong. I'm just saying in a place that you know, and I mean through the dozen, yeah, I get it, I get that. Out and about on the streets, people creeping about in back gardens trying to get in windows and stuff, then darkness, surely, is their ally, like a bane. I was born in the dark.
Speaker 1:I was born in the dark and he's my last one. Oh no, sorry. So we're saying no for that, aren't we?
Speaker 3:I think yeah, massively wrong. I'm afraid, mike on that one.
Speaker 2:I'm rubbish. No, no, I've got that right. I'm sorry, you've just been obtuse now.
Speaker 1:And the final one I picked out is he suggests that overpopulation could be prevented by making people pick the day they die once they turn 18.
Speaker 3:There's a lot to unpick, there isn't there. So yeah, is he saying you decide your final age, but then what? How does that if everyone says 100?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what. This is what I mean. Yeah, that don't work, because no one's going to say well, probably five years to me, mate. Everyone's going to say as long as they can. Well, most people are, aren't they?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I sometimes say to Julie I have no desire to die, but I'm quite tired. But when I get to it, I certainly don't want to live forever. I have no desire to be into my hundreds. So, yeah, I mean, what age would you pick? If you had to pick now? What do you think is a good time?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Healthcare is getting better. People live longer into later lives. You want to see your kids, your grandkids, your grandkids, kids. I don't know. I don't know what I'd pick if I had to pick now. People said, like guarantee, now you'll get 85 and you're gone, or maybe 80. Would you take 80? You've done it, 80. I'm offering you that. Would you take it?
Speaker 1:Well, this thing is not mine. I'm 85. I don't think she'd be saying yeah, but I'm a time mate. See you later. I think once you get to that age you're going to be really pissed off if you're in good health. Oh yeah, Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:I say fuck you now. My dad's kind of getting up towards that way now and yeah, I won't.
Speaker 1:That's what I mean. Yeah, he's caught up. It's still an active yeah, imagine how bad it'd be counting down the now I'm not having this from Mike, because most people go too long. Anyway, I think it'd be more people, because most people, a lot of people are going to die, you know, earlier than the short, for whatever reason, diseases or accidents or whatever. So surely be more people like in the population.
Speaker 3:Actually, though, what I'm saying is here's your final date. You might go before this, but if you've picked 85 and you get to 85.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, right, right, so you're giving yourself a cap.
Speaker 3:You might go before that, but there's a point where you don't go. Imagine that, though, coming up to it and like changing your mind. But that's it. Mike Paris got you signed into a contract.
Speaker 1:My Paris. I don't know if I've got to do it. I don't know if you've got to do it. I can really imagine him as well.
Speaker 3:So yeah, I'm not going for that, I don't want to.
Speaker 1:I don't want to buy you what you think. Are you going for that or?
Speaker 3:No, I don't think you can, can you I?
Speaker 2:think you just made obtuse now.
Speaker 1:So they're 10 things, but I've got some more water classes claimed rather than ideas, and there's only five of these and I just want you to go through these and say and then, once we've done this, we've got 15 basically answers of whether this man is a complete lunatic or if actually he's misunderstood, and he's got a lot of good things to say.
Speaker 3:Well, so I picked out five clips that I want to play at some point.
Speaker 1:So yeah, we'll finish up with the clips and I've got a couple of comedy things that are not the end, but, yes, so far he's going all right for himself. He's basically well, I say he's going all right for him. He's got two, yeah, three, three, three yeses. So far, you know what.
Speaker 3:I think we should play one of my clips here, just just to put some parry in. We're doing a lot talking about him. Let's give him a dose of parry. First one I want to play Just because I think it's a brilliant. No one else would say this Like Mike's been. He's been to Mexico, but let's find out why he's been when you go to Mexico.
Speaker 2:You should eat Mexican food. No, I don't like Mexican food, you see? Well, why'd you go there? I went to that place where people dive off the cliffs, you know? Acapulco? Yeah, well, why would you eat McDonald's in Acapulco? Because I don't like any of the food In Acapulco. I ate Pizza Hut. Did you go there and hold it At McDonald's? I went on a Another freebie. No, I went on a fact-finding machine. Yeah, I went on a fact-finding machine.
Speaker 1:It's brilliant because he's never stops working, does he, Mike? And he does this work involving that, Don't know what else I ever said In his head anyway, why have you been there?
Speaker 3:It's all like holiday or work or visit family Fact-finding mission, a fly-like Fact-finding mission. He's always reading his journals and he's always kind of brushing up on his knowledge, isn't he? So, yeah, I love that. Well, why were we there? I was on a fact-finding mission, have you got?
Speaker 1:another clip. We'll put another clip in here before I go into the claims, if you want.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, so we'll play one more and this is he's talking about on Porkyvision. He does, he did like TV reviews. He's just watched something that's got the actor Robson Greenin and this is him trying to think of his name.
Speaker 2:Working soldier-soldier and all that. I know he does all these like Northumberland programs now and you know, professional Georgian and all that kind of stuff. A bit of an unkind, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, what's his name? Jerome Robson. He's funny enough. They call him Jordy because he's Robson Green thing. Robson Green, that's him, that's him, not Jerome Robson, Robson Green.
Speaker 1:My dad used to call Robson and Jerome Jerome, jerome. Think about that. I was on Robson Green. She would use to say, yeah, I've got their new single, Jerome Jerome, jerome, jerome. Like it's fucking ridiculous. So yeah, a bit of Mike Parry genius there. Yeah, I've got five claims earlier. I'm going to put them into the yes and no thing again. Can these possibly be true? This first one, I find I'll laugh them out. I don't even know how you do this. He claimed that when the Beach Boys support Elton John at Wembley, the fans of the two acts were segregated.
Speaker 3:What a lie down the middle. What a lie, what a lie, what a lie.
Speaker 1:What a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie, what a lie what a lie, what a lie, what a lie.
Speaker 3:Well, I do it. Mate and Beach Boys evolve out of beingports.
Speaker 1:They're not even like… they don't know why they'd necessarily be at odds with them. They're not. He's supporting them. He's picked them to support they're not like enemies? What opposing bands are they?
Speaker 2:We're going to do all there where like Oasis in Blur, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, mm haha.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you've chosen to go, but you're there to watch both, aren't you?
Speaker 1:segregated. Surely that would be stopped, rather than you just say to Elton you're gonna have to drop Beach Boys, mate. I don't know why, but they're fans. Fucking hate your fans. So we're gonna have to split. We won't have too much police presence. I'm fucking doing it. They're fucking supporting me. Fucking bitch out.
Speaker 3:Shall, we say are we having an hell for that? I think he's got the wrong n-stick there.
Speaker 1:I think he's earned something. He claims that he wears sunglasses to stop his eyes getting sunburned.
Speaker 3:Yeah, probably right. I mean not his eyeballs, but his eyelids, I suppose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he says his eyes get so. So you said he's been sort of he's misquoted himself. So we're having a yes on the technicality that he was actually right when I say he just my sensitive area.
Speaker 3:if you fell asleep with your eyes closed and got your eyelids sunburned, I imagine that would be agony. So yeah, I'm going to go with that.
Speaker 1:Fair play. He claims that Richard Branson once had the only full-size snooker table in the Caribbean.
Speaker 3:No, Do you know what? Yeah, I'm willing to accept that.
Speaker 1:How could he possibly know this? Well, yeah, that's the thing, isn't?
Speaker 3:it.
Speaker 2:It might be the case.
Speaker 3:It might be the only one that he's seen, but can he categorically say that I don't know? I'm still within that. I suspect it might be true. I don't imagine the.
Speaker 1:Caribbean playing a lot of snooker. Fair enough, we'll give him a yes for that, though he claims that he's a qualified astronaut because he's flown at 58,000 feet on Concorde.
Speaker 2:No, because that's not what an astronaut is.
Speaker 3:is it? No? No, An astronaut has to go through training to be an astronaut. That's like if, well, what's the? Is it like a first thing, a dog is setting space? Is that a qualified astronaut, then?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you can't say that's a yeah, that's the thing, a qualified astronaut.
Speaker 3:I think he's, you know, quite a privileged position. If he's, you know, he's being to a certain altitude that he's probably in 1% of not being like 0.1% of population, won't it? Or less 0.001.
Speaker 1:This is another thing he said. It's not on the list, this, but he does claim that he's. Well, I'll put it on. We'll put it onto his tally. He claims that he's met 2% of the American population.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm not sure about that one now.
Speaker 1:That's not true. No for now for that one, so that's another now on the list for him. A couple more claims. He says that footballers don't sign for Newcastle because they think the city is full of people walking around carrying colesacks on the back.
Speaker 3:I kind of see what he's saying. I know what he's saying here but if you kind of want, that as a, if you kind of want that as a, if you're a.
Speaker 1:Geordie listening to this being. What are they on about, man?
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, actually, in that clip that I just played I don't know if you just heard it I love how it refers to Robson Green, who he calls Jerome Robson, as a yeah, he's a professional Geordie, if you know what I mean. Is not even that much of a Geordie, is he Robson Green? No, but he kind of plays that North East card, don't he? But yeah, I quite like him, I like his fishing thing anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I've lost my train of thought there, right, so what do you think he means there?
Speaker 3:I know what he's saying. Yeah, yeah is you'd want to attract player to London. You've got all the glutes and glamour in the capital city or you've got this sort of perception of this sort of data Northern town. That's a bit behind. Yeah, I've been to Newcastle. I really liked it, but I do think it's harder to get footballers to sign for Manchester, liverpool, newcastle than it is in London. That's undeniable, but I don't think anybody oh, could've wait.
Speaker 1:Sorry, do you know Richard Keys, Richard Keys, another legend of TV said, Newcastle should move to London so they can attract better players.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which sounds ridiculous and the fans would hate it. But as a brand, as a business, they probably would do better than.
Speaker 1:But they won't be Newcastle anymore.
Speaker 3:Well now. But as a business they would be better off, but as a football club they wouldn't be a franchise, wouldn't they? It would be a franchise.
Speaker 1:It's a football club. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but clubs, if they're ground, aren't fit for purpose and they play in other towns, they don't become another town, they still play as whoever they are.
Speaker 1:so you can't do that. Like at MK Lones, they have to change their name from Wimbledon it's Milton Keynes-Dons. Yeah, but weren't that because?
Speaker 3:they split into two or something.
Speaker 1:No, they just moved to say what he suggested, actually Keynes. But anyway, that's our tangent.
Speaker 3:so we think, yeah, by the way, I'm not advocating for that, I think that would be ridiculous, but I'm saying if you, If you're the Glazers, I reckon the Glazers wouldn't think twice if they could make more money about moving man United, moving Old Trafford to London. I think they'd do it tomorrow if they could make more money.
Speaker 1:Yeah, fair enough, but we're actually saying yes for saying that football is Dr Newcastle because they think they're sitting in London. Football is Dr Newcastle because they think the city.
Speaker 3:Oh, you're saying yes is still people walking around in Colesacks. Yes, if he's trying to paint a picture of perception rather than political.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's being so metaphorical, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm giving him a benefit now.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, give me yes then give me yes, and this is my last claim. I think you might agree with this, saying that having a limp handshake is a sign you're going to die of a heart attack. But we know a couple of people with limp handshake. We're not obviously going to mention the names here.
Speaker 3:Well, we all use the ends of the spectrum, don't we? We know one guy who oh yeah ridiculous like tries to sort of crush your hand. It's like a power struggle. And then we know one guy with the limpest, awfulest handshake in the world and actually it does make you feel a bit sick when he shakes your hand like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he's not a fit man, this guy. So you're, based on that, I'm going to say yes, well yeah, but on our experience.
Speaker 3:I don't think you'll be listening anyway, will you? But yeah, I do think limp handshake could suggest possible heart attack. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's it. That's the claim. So we've had 17 there overall and he's got 10 nodes and seven yeses, which is not bad really, is it?
Speaker 3:No, it's about what? Is it about 40%, I don't know. I think 38% or 39% or something like that. Yeah, I think.
Speaker 1:This is more than he gets on the porky quizzes normally, isn't it to be fair when he's doing that with my Graham? So?
Speaker 3:Yeah, except well I have to play actually, yeah, so good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've got a couple more things after. If you play clip now, I'll come out with some other stuff that's on this list.
Speaker 3:So on the episode I played a clip from One of his quizzes and it was on the Bible, where he got a question wrong. But Mike Graham gave him some leeway and then he claimed to know the answer anyway. This is him attempting to have Another bite at the question. If he gets it in quick, he thinks he gets another go.
Speaker 2:Question number two what is the first book of the Old Testament? First book of the Old Testament? The Old Testament, not the New Testament, is the book of John. Wrong Psalms. It's Psalms. Yeah yeah, it's brilliant.
Speaker 3:There's quite a few on YouTube. So if you like, mike Barry, the quizzes are all brilliant. I'll probably put. I've just realized I've got six clips. I'll probably play another one now. If that's alright, save a couple yeah, yeah, go for it, yeah. This is. This is brilliant. This is the quiz question, for this one was can you name the Marx Brothers?
Speaker 2:Everybody's cackling me, laughter, right. Roberto Marx, groucho, groucho Marx Now he was the guy with the cigar was a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy. Okay, I know, I know, groucho, a pepo was a pepo, no marks, yeah, a bonio I. What's the problem?
Speaker 1:Brilliant, yeah, yeah the the poker quiz is. The thing is you can't really play Like that. The clips don't really do injustice because it's a long thing. I see that one. We watched it when we were away, actually the the one on the sweet, you know we were cheating, turns out she, and he adds, yeah, and he had all the notes in front of them and stuff, and we don't know. That's just just, that's just just brainstorming. Yeah, brilliant.
Speaker 1:Yeah and I would read some more funny things. I'll have fun off this list. That made Charles said You'll end if you want me a couple of clips and just I'll go from further quickly is quite a lot, but pick me up to you get if you've got anything you want to say on him. It refers to his type 2 diabetes, is diabetes to, and says that he carries a diabetes monitor around with him and makes his overweight friends test themselves.
Speaker 3:What? What does he mean? Like what he pricks the fingers to get the? He's certainly makes them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've had my yearly review today because I'm getting on and I'm overweight classes over on it only just in the overweight bracket. So you'd be, you'd be pricking me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, but then what if it could be a service for me? Could be if they have got diabetes could be that could save the life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's always good, yeah, brilliant, I'm reparing, honorable, honorable. He says he used to wear white shirt for work as a sign of authority. Is that a sign of authority, a white shirt?
Speaker 3:I often think and I think like lockdown changed everything and don't sort of dress as smart these days, but I Used to think a white shirt makes you look like a waiter. I used to think like you've got wear something. That's not why, if you're looking smart, Well, I don't know possibly in his world if he's wearing a nice suit with it. I'm just talking Semicadual. I didn't like a white shirt On the waiter thing.
Speaker 1:He thinks chimps should be trained as waiters in restaurants because it gives them a purpose in life.
Speaker 3:Well, there's a bit on Exe fem again, where Steve merchant brings a book in and tells Carl Pilkerton in ancient times Baboons were trained to wait on tables, so apparently that has been.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, pg tips have. Those have all seen that, aren't we? Yeah, I.
Speaker 3:Pilkerton says something about that racist. Something like in the Halfords adverts people who thought it would cruel on the chimps.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 3:It wasn't turns out, some of them were mechanics. He's got this mad perception of monkeys in the world, he. And then there's a bit where I don't about the PG tips, adverts and the same light. Yeah it crawl, get them back.
Speaker 1:They bring them back. They're crook. I reasons well, I think so, yeah, but.
Speaker 3:But he says yeah, but what would they rather be doing? Just sat in a cage all day, or out driving a van and collecting furniture? Well it's. If that is actually what they're doing, it is true. If it was that they're not, they're just being given Treats and probably hit which sticks to get it wrong for recordings three second.
Speaker 1:I'm just looking at some of the images for these PG tips adverts. Absolutely amazing, they were brilliant. I've seen these adverts for a while. There's one like when all the woman's like we're gone. Glasses on poor recovery.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if you cruel, it's right they were stopped.
Speaker 2:But if they were happy, and they're enjoying it.
Speaker 3:What did you search? I want to go up. I.
Speaker 1:Just putting PG tips adverts and then just put the images on flat. Search the images.
Speaker 3:I'll put Jim.
Speaker 1:And now to that woman. I make it a cup of tea. Rumble it, there's one black plant piano is amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's one that looks a bit like like royal family, where the sat side by side on, say, one Absolute.
Speaker 1:Bring him back about the love day.
Speaker 3:I'm pouring the cup of tea now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, full suit. They could pass us off unbelievable. This is that we should do as fucking episode on these. They're absolutely incredible good stuff.
Speaker 3:These are amazing. No animal abuse. There's a humane way to not bring them back.
Speaker 1:Well, they brought him in, didn't they? Monkey Johnny Vegas Steads bit, not. Not real monkey, that I don't think, and anyway. But it's a parry. He was called Kenny Doug Lee's King, kenny Rogers. I was classic parry, not absolute classic parry, but I just thought it's so wrong. But like you know where he's coming from, grab the shred of truth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can see who's thinking. He just gets it wrong.
Speaker 1:It's brilliant. Um, he says if anyone ever came up to him a garlic breath, he'll come at them. We have fire extinguisher. He says that gold post should be painted orange so people can see him better, easy to see we talked about this, didn't we?
Speaker 3:what they paint a bright why? To be visible. I don't know why making more orange would make him more visible. I think you could argue for like it could maybe like a strict lighting in the middle of them. But but then I suppose if the lightings dim like that and you need that, is you pretty probably shouldn't be playing, you don't?
Speaker 1:but you don't aim for the post anyway, but you know.
Speaker 3:An adult, like when we were kids playing football and we're getting dark. It was like that's when it was like I can't play more because you can't really see it's getting too dark. Perhaps if you had a glow in the dark ball and a glow in the dark gold post.
Speaker 1:And maybe, maybe that's a good claim for me. And then again, to be fair, this one's not. He says that Victoria Beckham was better than Einstein because Einstein couldn't sell a gig out at goodison park. I don't know if I'm standing here, I'm saying headlining goodison park, what would he be doing? Just like like math.
Speaker 3:So all like he said, oh yeah, I've got no idea what he means there. It's like attracting sort of mass attention, you could kind of say, for an event. Yeah, but Einstein, I mean, surely, is more famous to the Victoria Beckham, surely?
Speaker 1:worldwide. No, no, no, surely not now, I think, if you ask oh yeah, it will be won. I yeah, I suppose it's like. It's a thing in it like oh you think, oh Einstein. He also said he wasn't that clever, einstein as well, my power.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't think that's true.
Speaker 1:Um, he says that when he first went to a chinese restaurant, he thought they would have dragons on the menu. Is it a fictional?
Speaker 3:creature. There's a lot wrong with that, isn't there like? Yeah they don't exist for a start.
Speaker 1:If we're going through the 10 commandments. He said thou shall not steal correct, thou shall not come convert thy neighbour's wife and thou shall not do in thy neighbour, yeah. I shall not do in thy neighbour.
Speaker 3:Well, that's actually on one of the quizzes, that and that's uh, yeah, the. The funniest thing is he starts off it's earlier on. He said he named the seven deadly sins and he says like obviously, the uh, sloth, wrath envy first one. He says he's murder, I'm gonna microwave that stuff. And then he goes uh, rape, microwave was no, this is the criminal code. He ain't got any idea what they are.
Speaker 1:Um, he proposed removing September the 11th from the calendar.
Speaker 3:Yeah, again we've said this. I understand what he's saying, but but they're 365.25 or 0.255 or whatever. It is that there's a certain amount of day. There's a certain amount of days in the year. You can't get round that. You can't just take a day out, you'd have to add a day somewhere else. But if so, if he means add like a September 31st, then yeah, I understand what he's saying. I still don't think he should, because there's tragic events on other days. Why just get rid of that one? But yeah, I understand he's thinking if he was gonna add a day, but no, you can't, you can't just take a day out the calendar.
Speaker 1:Would you take out the day, richard Mayer? They left this morning to be replaced by Pip Scofield.
Speaker 3:It was a dark day, wasn't it?
Speaker 1:That was a dark day. Well, what happened? We all knew what was gonna happen, but anyway, he claims that all goldfish are mental, which again, I mean, I don't know what he's defining. Men, you can't prove him wrong, is it true? They've got a five second memory. Whatever it is, is that a myth?
Speaker 3:No, I think that's a complete myth, because I think you can. I think I might be making this up, I think if you have a certain trigger, so if each day you ring a bell next to the thing before you're gonna feed them, they come to the top, I think they can learn behaviours.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure I might be completely wrong on that, but I probably upset a lot of people here, and especially young kids, but I hire them. But what an absolutely shit.
Speaker 3:Pet of all fishes, yeah really as well, yeah, but, but I need to be fair to them.
Speaker 1:Not for against them A small little tank what they're supposed to do.
Speaker 3:I bet if you have like a massive tank with those little tubes they can swim through and they'd be much more entertaining Do you know what I'm?
Speaker 1:I dream I want an ants nest in a tank. Yeah, they're good aren't they? But you know, I clumsy, I'm dyspraxia, I'll probably hate it. Imagine ants all over your house Every day like shouting to your mum.
Speaker 3:Yeah, mum, have you smashed the ants again?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, mum, I've smashed the ants again. I'll have to get you something else. My mum used to buy me cactuses Cacti's, is that what they're called?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I used cacti's because they're desperate. Do you have any weird things that you've liked From the?
Speaker 3:cacti's. I just don't remember what I'm laughing at is. I bet none of them lived that long, because I can't remember seeing a cactus or a.
Speaker 1:Not really young, obviously Not like him.
Speaker 3:They lived for about 30 years or something. Why would they be dead now if you looked at them?
Speaker 1:Exactly None of them survived. Anyway, I've got a couple more left. He claims that the most talented family in Britain are the Vine family Jeremy and Tim.
Speaker 3:Surely that must be when he was going for the gig on Jeremy Vine show.
Speaker 1:I forgot he were on that. Of course, yeah, of course he's on that. That's why, yeah, the most talented family. I can really imagine him saying that as well.
Speaker 3:You can't make that statement, can you? I'm just sticking off top of my head. You've got Ed Miliband. David Miliband Not that they're massively successful, but brothers who've got to high levels. You've got Gary Neville, phil Neville, tracy Neville, who all represented countries at international level.
Speaker 1:You've got Jonathan Ross Brothers.
Speaker 3:Jonathan Ross Brothers. They're very well thought of. You've got Hensworth Brothers in acting and you've got the Charlotte Brothers.
Speaker 1:One of them is not dead. One of them is not alive anymore. Oh, yeah, yeah, but that's a great shout.
Speaker 3:No I absolutely don't think the Vine Brothers are dead the. Marx Brothers.
Speaker 1:The Mitchell Brothers, mitchell Brothers, yeah yeah yeah, yeah, it's not thinking more, but, hanson, they were brothers, weren't they?
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they were yeah. And the last one is he says that the River Thames should be renamed the River Coca-Cola to raise money for the economy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't think that's a bad idea. Well, if it generates a lot of money that goes into the right areas, I'm with him. If it just goes to more of the big wigs, leave it as the Thames.
Speaker 1:Leave it as the Thames Right. So that's me done on my list. It's miles more to go off, by the way, so I don't really like share all the major secrets or anything like that, but we might well probably we'll come back to some more of them, to be fair.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we've deliberately left some things to go out there and also, but when you listen to a lot of his stuff so the porky vision and stuff like that on YouTube and Skype, so the two mics is on, not Skype, which you call it Spotify, two mics. There's some good stuff on there for anyone who wants to go back and be reminded of the great days when the two mics were together. I'll finish you on a couple of clips. The first one I'm going to play is I love how he does this. It'll kind of make a statement, but he's not afraid to sort of undermine himself instantly.
Speaker 2:Did you see her on the launch show last night? No, why not? I don't watch the launch show, I don't like it. I think it's on a regular basis. Just plugs somebody's new show, which is always on BBC. Yeah, exactly, new DVD, new program, new something new car? I would, yes, definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, imagine how, nate Rosslar, he just sings like that, don't he Like he'll savage something and say, oh yeah, but I'll do it. I remember Matt, who he was to know. I don't really see him at all. He was massive in the grid like that, weren't he?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he once said to me when we were driving he would drive me out somewhere in the countryside and he said I'll fucking cyclist. I hate cyclists, you know. They're plague on the road. They don't pay the taxes. They're fucking disgrace. You should be able to fucking run them off the road, you know. However, I have considered buying a road going by, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you used to do that all the time, not as like a joke as well.
Speaker 3:However, yeah, yeah it weren't trying to be funny. It just finished online, completely contradicting himself.
Speaker 1:When I bought lasagna ones. Because you're always on fucking English meals, why do you always have English? Because it's Italian, then you go. So One full English breakfast, please, darling. I'm not even trying to be funny. Yeah, yeah, that was in Tenerife weren't it.
Speaker 3:Yeah typical Englishman abroad, or in a fucking lasagna. You're fucking in disgrace. What can I get? One all day full English breakfast, please love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said it's so light, but yeah, I'm really like a clown, I'm really mad man.
Speaker 3:Anyway, we'll finish on the clip actually. So thanks everyone for listening. Is this the last bonus? We're going to do another one.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, last bonus we're going to do a midweek after this. Get all your comments about it, and then we'll talk about what we're going to do for Christmas time mistletoe and wine.
Speaker 3:So we're going to announce what's up coming then in the midweek.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so you don't get that yet.
Speaker 3:If you're still listening, what you do get is a brilliant clip of Mike Parry completely getting the wrong end of the stick on a question. Where he goes to is absolutely madness. But we'll leave you on this. So, thanks for listening. Send us your messages, send us any. We've kind of got the Christmas stuff locked in now, but you can send us stuff for the series into the new year. And, yeah, thanks for everyone who likes comments, retweets, keep doing all that sort of stuff and any final words.
Speaker 1:That's the challenge Question number seven what?
Speaker 2:famous Antipodean creature shares a part of a duck's anatomy. Which famous Antipodean creature shares a part of a duck's anatomy? Antipodean is Australian, correct. An Australian creature which shares a piece of a duck's anatomy. Do you mean like a duck's ass or something Gorgeous? Are you talking about the hair cut? I'm not going to give you a clue. The haircut, what was that called? A haircut? What was the hair cut? Duck's haircut, yeah, what was it called?
Speaker 3:Ducks don't have a haircut.
Speaker 2:No, it was called something Like a mohawk. No, no, no, a duck's quiff or something it was called Duck's quiff. Hang on a second, that's a stupid question. So it must be something that is relative to Australia. Can only be a kangaroo, or the famous duck-billed kangaroo.
Speaker 3:The answer is duck-billed platypus. No, you don't get it, platypus. I did, I did.
Speaker 2:I did Got it wrong, I was getting there, I was there.