Living With Madeley
"Living With Madeley" is a nostalgic TV based podcast that attempts to take a humorous look at some of the most weird, wonderful and woeful moments in UK television history.
Titled "Living With Madeley" as neither host can remember a week of their lives where Richard Madeley hasn't been on their screens, join Andrew and Liam as they take you on a journey to TV past.
Living With Madeley
Series 8 Episode 10 - Noel's Christmas Presents
What if the very person who's been a fixture of your holiday TV traditions is also the source of your television grievances? Have you ever wondered why Noel cant get on telly for love nor money? Join us as we unravel the enigmatic personality of Noel Edmonds in this lively episode of Living with Madeley. From the nostalgic yet divisive memories of "Noel's Christmas Presents" to the eyebrow-raising stunts of "The Late Late Breakfast Show," we navigate through the highs and lows of Edmonds' career with a blend of humor and critical reflection.
Our conversation is sprinkled with anecdotes and playful critiques as we question Noel's genuine concern for the people he helps on screen versus his desire for the spotlight. Whether he's whisking kids away to Disneyland or presenting new bikes with a flourish, there's a recurring theme of Edmonds positioning himself as the star of the show. We also touch on his public tiffs with fellow TV personalities, notably Philip Schofield, and discuss how his ego often seems to overshadow his benevolent appearances. As we recount these tales, we're left to ponder whether Noel’s larger-than-life presence serves the stories he shares or simply his own self-promotion.
Noel's ventures don't end there. With a hearty dose of skepticism and a side helping of humor, we explore his fascination with cosmic ordering—a belief that writing one's desires on the side of one's hand can manifest them into reality. Add to that, his eccentric debates with political figures and his notorious run-ins with the media, and we've got a recipe for an engaging discussion. We wrap up by teasing the lighter side of festive TV, from nostalgic cooking shows to fictional follies, inviting listeners to connect with us on Twitter for even more spirited exchanges. There's no better way to get into the holiday spirit than by dissecting the curious case of Noel Edmonds.
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Speaker 2:The boys are back in the barracks. Yeah, william.
Speaker 3:We're all good to go.
Speaker 2:Hello and welcome to Living with made late. I think this is episode nine of series eight, I think. Or is it episode? It is episode nine, I think. Now, anyway, my name's my name's andrew, and I'm joined. That's what I do know, and I'm joined by leroy jenkins. You any idea what episode this?
Speaker 3:is yeah, to keep the listener in the loop. We had some chaos before the last one because I thought we were 10. You thought we were 8. Turned out it was 9.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so is this 9?.
Speaker 3:I'd saved the image wrong on the last one. So I'd saved the image for 8 as 9, but I'd saved it as 8. Anyway, we're fairly convinced this is episode 9.
Speaker 2:I think this is episode 9. You won't get this with Edmunds. I'll tell you that, um, which is what we're doing today, so I'm really looking forward to this.
Speaker 3:A suggestion from edmunds, edmunds, it's all about edmunds it's all about edmunds.
Speaker 2:So what we're, what we're going to cover, we're going to base edmund, the edmunds chat, around noel's christmas presents um, which is a show that broadcast I. I think it went on for like 10 years or 11 years or whatever. It was on BBC, then it moved to Sky, but every Christmas day this were on. Do you remember? I don't remember it at all.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I definitely do?
Speaker 2:I don't remember this, it was prime time as well.
Speaker 3:It was like one of the ones I watched it either followed, or it was after. It was either before or after, like the Christmas EastEnders, so that's you're talking about absolute prime time.
Speaker 2:Well, straight after, here's some letters from my solicitor, my sweet Well didn't they do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly that, yeah, yeah, but that what I'm thinking is, though. That surprised me because I haven't put it quite late in the day. So did they sometimes do like a two-parter? Was that a two-parter on?
Speaker 2:christmas day the wrong man, because I've never seen this show before, ever. You've never seen a film you've never, seen, never seen this, and I should have. Obviously right, I'll get. I've got a few facts off here. Well, it's not really facts, but um, noel's christmas presents it's actually a spin-off of the late, late breakfast show that were broadcast live on Saturday evenings from 4th of September 1982 to the 8th of November 1986 on BBC One, obviously presented by Edmonds.
Speaker 3:But this is now more, but it's been off. In what sense this was kind of part of that. Almost the whole show now was part of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that I think. Do you remember surprise, surprise, surprise? I that I think it. Do you remember surprise, surprise, surprise, when they I think um, this were very similar sort of thing the late, late breakfast show where they were like a lot of surprises as we'll get to with noel's christmas presents. All right, chuck, you're all right, she'll show. She went on it, thankfully. I'll be interesting one, actually godzilla or edmunds, who's your least like to be on a plane with god?
Speaker 3:that's a clash of personalities.
Speaker 2:I'd definitely rather sit next to Edmunds, as I'll come on to again later. I think you'll get some right gold from Edmunds, yeah.
Speaker 3:I do kind of wonder, though I think he'll just ignore you, which might be better.
Speaker 2:actually, Don't talk to me, you fucking prick.
Speaker 3:I'm having the armless. Yeah, I wonder if, because we'll go through it and he's not all bad, I'm trying to sort of trying to look at his festive eyes.
Speaker 2:If anyone doesn't realize, if anyone listens to the last one. In fact, you hate edmunds?
Speaker 3:I really do, but I'm trying to sort of trying to get past that. But it's interesting. But I think some of what we're going to talk about in this is probably maybe where the roots of it began. Why, why don't we?
Speaker 2:Interesting. So what's most famous about that show the Late Late Breakfast show is the Give it A Will segment, and it featured dangerous stunts and multiple people got seriously injured in it, and then it was eventually cancelled because someone actually died.
Speaker 3:But I'm not laughing at the death, but those are the things before it got cancelled On. That, by the the way, that's one of them things before you go into the list of injuries. That's one of the things that people sort of think it's an urban myth, isn't it?
Speaker 2:no, no, no, no, no, it happened, yeah. I mean, there were loads of talk after in the court case about the safety of the show, which they never sort of sorted out by the sounds of it. Um, but yeah, stunt driver uh richard smith fractured his pelvis and injured his head, neck and back after crashing at under 40 miles per hour during a live stunt which was an attempt to leap more than 230 feet in a car. So that's not a great start. Obviously. Uh, barbara sleeman broke a shoulder after being fired from a cannon.
Speaker 2:I don't know why I find that so funny, like I don't know, just really funny. But really the big one and it is serious. The big one was the death of michael lush and he was killed during um rehearsal for another live stunt and this involved bungee jumping from an exploding box which was suspended 120 foot on 120 foot high crane. Um, the bungee rope to the crane sprang loose from his eyeball and he died instantly. Um, and then from that moment, obviously everybody was sort of complaining about how many injuries that on this show already someone have actually passed away now and edmunds resigned um, and the show were cancelled and the bbc got sued. I think 120 000 pound. They got the the lush family um. And after the inquest edmund said if I was continued to, if I was going to continue my career at the bbc, I would want to be fully confident that any production team I was provided with. And then he returned the year after presenting the Noel Edmonds Saturday Roadshow. So yeah, that show is really infamous.
Speaker 2:You can't put it solely on Edmonds, it's not Edmonds' fault, obviously, but it's infamous that show, and this is like a reason I bring it up, because this is a spin-off, basically of that show interesting.
Speaker 3:I didn't know that and yeah, I don't know. I don't know if this is just just me speculating, because I'm not that keen on the man you're not gonna accuse him or anything.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not, we do not.
Speaker 3:Uh, yeah, we're not did not have a direct hand in any of in any of that, but he did kill clive anderson, though I didn't he. Yeah, for anyone who's not watched the Brass Eye, that'll be my statement. But yeah, is it not kind of? He's the top of the tree, the figurehead for it. Is it not kind of on him if he's getting all these injuries to sort of stop? The show almost to say I can't keep presenting this if people keep getting hurt. But I think anything for the limelight with Edmonds.
Speaker 2:The woman who got fired out of a cannon said they didn't care. They didn't give one jot. I do not care one jot, as Jonathan Pearce would say, about the safety of the people who participated in the stunts and on about ratings, they got absolutely fucked for it, obviously after. But yeah, really infamous show this and there's this. And do you remember when Anthea Turner nearly got blown up?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't quite know what that was on. That weren't Edmonds-related, was it?
Speaker 2:No, that weren't Edmonds-related, but that's just come to me now, though. That's one of the most horrific things I've seen. Anthea turner's like sat on her.
Speaker 3:I can't remember what show it is actually and then some some sort of cannon or something she's supposed to shoot.
Speaker 2:No, no, she's just no, no, she's just uh, she's. But the headline is anthea turner explodes on tv. What the hell? Um, yeah, it were children's tv actually. Um, and they ignored the restricted area signs and she sat on the back of a truck just doing a link and it got blown. It looks like she's been fucking literally blown up. Type in anthea turner blown up.
Speaker 2:I'm just doing it now, yeah, but he never fails to make me smile. Getting blown up, yeah, that reminds me of that, though that were really really, really dangerous. That, um, yeah, uh, I think it would. What would it?
Speaker 3:called uh, now, yeah, there's a pyrotechnic charge right next to, on both sides, jesus christ. Yeah, it's horrible isn't it?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's absolutely horrible. Yeah, wow, someone put someone's put in the comments where. Where was edmunds? Anyway, what we're doing is noel's christ, which ran from BBC One 1989 to 1999. It didn't air in 1992 for some reason. I don't know why that had been actually. Anyway, then it came back on Sky 1 from 2007 to 2012, which everyone said was shit. That version of it. It's gone woke, haven't we by then? As a country, Do you think? I don't know, how can it not be woke? This is the wokest show going. In fact, it's like there's nothing bad about this show, really, apart from Edmunds. Did Edmunds invent woke? Do you think Edmunds? No, he doesn't actually, because I've got some things later on.
Speaker 4:He hates it, he hates. The BBC doesn't he.
Speaker 2:Okay essentially correct me if I'm wrong. Elia is essentially going around britain giving presents or nice prizes to people who've had a tough year.
Speaker 3:Pretty standard tv. I will correct you there, because what this show actually is is a huge ego stroke for edmunds. It's, it's just yeah self back patting. Sickening the acts, the things they do are great His involvement in them is awful, I think.
Speaker 2:Right, I hate shows like this. Anyway, I just think I've got an RG, I've got dyspraxia. Where's mine, you know, I don't mention that. Where's mine, gotcha. But in fact, on the subject of gotchas, the whole show is basically gotchas. But nice gotchas. If anyone doesn't know about Noel's House Party, they did gotchas, where they prank celebrities you know, wound them up and at the end they go oh, edmonds.
Speaker 3:Which actually some of them were really good, weren't they? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I always thought he stole it from Beetle, but I don't actually know which one came first. Oh, it's got a Beatles about first.
Speaker 2:Watch out, watch out. Beatles are about Brilliant tune. Yeah, but anyway, it's pretty standard TV in the sense that it's all you know. This fucker here lost a pen. She's so upset. Guess what we're going to do. Oh, I wonder what you're going to do. Yeah, you've got her a new pen. Or, oh, I've not seen my mum for 20 years. Oh, where is she? Rochdale, right, we're going to say it's a Rochdale. Oh, my god, you know what I mean, all that sort of stuff. But what I find funny about it is how obsessed Noel is. He classes them all as pranks, and they're nice pranks in a way. But he's got that cheeky like ooh, you know what's going to happen now, don't you? He's so, I don't know. He's really fucking a noise man. I don't know why would you strike him if he jumped out on?
Speaker 3:you Certainly be prepared to strike. We once jumped out on an old Irish guy that I work with. We saw him on London Road, so we hid behind a bus stop and jumped out on him and he went straight down kind of crouched knees, both hands raised, into sort of fight stance. I think I'd take that approach.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, imagine that that wouldn't get ahead, would it? But what? Like you said, and I do agree, and I don't I'm really low to turn this into just an Edmonds slagging off but he is the reason why I found this really difficult to watch and I watched five episodes. I think you ended up watching three, didn't you? Or something like that. I watched like the first's 89 to 95 or whatever it was, and I just could not get past his smug face. So there's ones like where he takes some kids to disneyland. They like kids and as you're watching the story, there are horrible stories like I've lost my brother, or, being in hospital, I've had cancer. Horrible, horrible, horrible things. You have to be a massive cynic, um, to not, you know, feel sympathy for these people. But but he goes with them and I know he's the star of the show, but in the ones I watch he ends up in France, moscow, belarus.
Speaker 3:I've seen him in.
Speaker 2:Moscow, yeah yeah, he goes to America to meet Whoopi Goldberg. Why this is not for him?
Speaker 3:He's in Paris in one of them.
Speaker 2:He's in Paris. Yeah, he's in Paris.
Speaker 3:I thought the Whoopi Goldberg, I thought she was in London, I thought.
Speaker 2:Oh, maybe I've got that one wrong, to be fair. But I just think like it's their role. Imagine going on holiday Like you've had an RGR, I don't know, something bad's happened, I don't know They've got rid of the Republic of Ireland football team and you're like really upset about it. And then they say, right, what with Edmonds? Edmonds is there, yeah every two years.
Speaker 3:Imagine going all day with Edmonds. He's just. He is the star of the show, but he's the most unnecessary part of it. It's just it's a festive show, doing nice things for people who deserve it, and there's some quite simple ones. There's a guy who his little sister's in a wheelchair, so she writes to noel. I love how that's noel.
Speaker 2:So you wrote to me and I decided this is the worst thing he starts the second one I think it's 91, I think it is and he starts I'm not going to play many clips for this because they're not funny clips. We may as well just tell you. So. The study starts it by saying what I'm going to do today is I'm going to. It's like no you're not you're not doing this. What are you talking about?
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, yeah, sorry, I don't know if you're going to play a clip there, but but uh, this one is so. She's. Wrote to Noel, apparently, and said my brother does loads for me. It really helps me out, he's brilliant. He had his. Yeah, you can see the very root one.
Speaker 3:But no it turns out it gives him a nice new bike. Lovely, A little bit of an emotional scene between a kid hugging his sister and that's all really nice, and his big face like just hovering around him all the time, grinning like, and he keeps. He's constantly searching for praise and he keeps saying it's not for him. Do you like it? Is that what?
Speaker 2:you wanted. They dress as Noel Edmonds, like kids, and they have to pretend to be Noel Edmonds and he pops his head out and says, oh, the real ones are here. And it's so fucking much like David Brent. He's like oh, do you know?
Speaker 1:who I am.
Speaker 2:Oh, there he is yeah, but I mean I say some of it is genuinely touching. The one that got to me there accent I've ever heard in my life. So he were like brought up in yorkshire but he's like born in latvia's really weird accent and they took him to where he used to live and they got you know and they had some like carol singers and stuff for him really, really nice. And he's crying. Obviously I didn't cry because I'm not well, but you know, lesser people have been crying at that. But it is all about noel, right, but I caught you from noel around this time. Someone once asked him what the secret of his success was and he said people are always asking me that and I tell them to mind their own business. Go and learn something for yourself, be curious. That's all. That's all I ask of people. I'm not going to tell you where the gold is buried until you come over to my side. Who the fuck does he think he is? He's a light entertainment tv presenter he's an absolute egomaniac.
Speaker 3:He's in everything. There's nothing that happens without him. He never once says the producer of the show wanted to do it this way, and it's always. I've done this, I said that I've bought you this. And then he sort of does this thing where he tries to sort of flip it a bit and he'll say do you like it? It's great, isn't it? And he sort of smugly turns the camera, but then he'll sort of say, well, I suppose I didn't really get it. It actually came from your brother.
Speaker 2:Well, this is I want to play a clip here. I don't think we're going to play many clips, but this is a clip we're going to play here. This is from, uh um, the major charles himself, which got this ball rolling for this episode. This is a fantastic, the best example I've seen in all of them that I've watched about just how he doesn't it seemingly doesn't give a shit about what is that?
Speaker 3:look, listen to how happy he is.
Speaker 1:He's just happy to be talking to camera listen to how happy he is here 3 000 cakes are sold daily and they end up at celebrations and parties all over the world. But there won't be a cake and there will not be a party at the primary school in Britain's smallest city, st David's in West Wales, because a couple of months ago the primary school burnt down yeah, amazing, because it I don't think it matters to Edmonds what's what's happened around him.
Speaker 3:It's just as long as he's this beacon and on the middle of the camera, he'll just have a big grin on his face like everything's all right in the world if Edmunds is on camera it's crazy and this is the biggest thing that I took away from this how obsessed he is with people knowing him and me and you got enough clips here and, to be honest, we abandoned it, didn't we?
Speaker 2:and people might be disappointed by that, but we got I'm not joking like nine or ten clips of noel edmunds saying do you know who I am?
Speaker 3:Some of them as well were from gotchas, I think. I think they're not all from Christmas presents, but because he's done his pranks and stuff. There's so many moments where he's stood in somebody's face with a microphone and there's just that insecurity creeps into him. Do you know who I am? And sometimes you can see they absolutely don't. And sometimes they do this thing where they kind of placate him and they sort of like oh, ah, ah yeah of course, and then he'll go yeah, it's me, it's uh, it's no.
Speaker 2:You wrote to me there's one where, um, there's a, there's an old lady and I think she she has can't afford the airfare to see a brother in canada or something like that, and she's trying to win some money at the bookish, which is a terrible route to go down to try and get an affair. Maybe they should have took it to a gambler's thing instead. But anyway, and what happens? She's putting a bet on and she turns around and it's just this big beaming face as if to say, yep, it's me no no way boy.
Speaker 2:Edmunds will sort it, but it's brilliant as how, how it goes on, and again, the manager said this as the years go on, less and less people recognise him, and it's honestly we can't play it as a clear because it doesn't work as a clear bit, because he'll say do you know who I am? And they'll go no, I don't think so. Or some people say yeah, and you can tell that they haven't got a fucking clue who he is Most of them. Oh yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, certainly towards the end of it. There's not a lot. Well, no, probably still. I mean it's a very distinct. There's no other sort of Raccoon style art, man art raccoon in the world is there. I can't. No, no, no, no, but I think. Have you ever searched for him without his beard?
Speaker 2:Oh no, Is it worth a go? Yeah, is it. What do we put in Noel Edmonds beardless?
Speaker 3:Yeah, or without beard. He looks really odd Because he had such a, Even though he kind of went through that phase where he got younger again because he dyed his beard and his hair a bit dark.
Speaker 2:What I will stick up for him for in a massive way is he looks fucking fantastic for his age. Oh, he does look weird, doesn't he?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he certainly looks far better with a beard, I mean he does have a sort of. He looks excellent for his age. Like a superhero type. What about him? More recently has he sort of reinvented himself.
Speaker 2:Well, he said, says his wife doesn't want to wake up next door, next next door. His wife don't want to wake up next to someone in bed who looks 70 years old. So he does everything that he can. He has a. I think it's in the garden, I think it's sam delaney's. There's an interview with him and he challenges into an arm wrestle just to show our right. I mean, look, we'll carry on talking about christmas presents, but I want to get some other edmunds stuff. He's 75 edmunds and I don't care what what you think of him.
Speaker 3:He looks fantastic for his age he does, he looks good. I'll give him that and he's. You know, there's certain elements I quite like about him. I don't agree with everything he says, but he's quite happy to debate anything. He'll stand by what he thinks. I don't think think he's all bad. I just think there's the quiz, the quiz show incidents, the quiz machine incidents that I've got.
Speaker 2:That's not really his fault, to be fair, is it? It's not his fault at all. Let's be honest. He's not playing, he's not in the quiz machine, yeah. No, but yeah, I know that yeah, and another thing I'll give him massive credit for a bit, like we could have easily called this Living With Edmonds, because he's been on TV. I mean, he's not on TV, no, he can't get on TV for Love, no Money but he's been on TV.
Speaker 3:This is actually like the second Can't Get On TV For Love, no Money. Phase of Edmonds, isn't it I?
Speaker 2:saw a recent interview with him, because I all. I've saw a recent interview with him and he says, yeah, people say, just because I'm I don't know. He says, like people say I'm not successful anymore just because I'm not on tv every day. Look at me, I'm in a villa in france and it's like you're one of those sort of things when people have to brag because they're not, they're all. He's obviously gutted that he's not on tv every day well, he is a successful man.
Speaker 3:We can't get away from that and this, this show. The only bit that gets me about the Christmas presents show is he seems to think it's all about him, but actually he's the one part that's very easily replaced with another celebrity, and one of them, the 1999 one, the first one you know turns up to help him out.
Speaker 2:It's your nemesis and it's my nemesis. We've gone from your nemesis to my Schofield. Imagine those two in a fucking room the ego mansion you could call it. I'd watch that. Just them two, I don't know, in a small cabin, in fact. They have to live with each other for a week. I think that'd be such good TV, well.
Speaker 3:I'm just trying to picture what Would they get on. Would they hate each other? I'm actually weirdly enough, as we're talking, I'm looking at pictures. I'm just putting pictures of Noel Edmonds. Yeah, I'm scrolling down and there's one of him and Schofield side by side sort of dirty look. So you're a fool. Noel Edmonds loses it at Philip Schofield in a furious rant.
Speaker 2:You see, I'd be definitely team Edmonds in that, absolutely team Edmonds in that I mean. Another thing about him not being on TV now and stuff as well, is that he did fall out of the BBC over Noel's house party because I think they decommissioned it and he went epic. So obviously he's a massive egomaniac. And then he went on to Sky and did yeah, sorry, no, finish that.
Speaker 3:No, no, no yeah, so.
Speaker 2:So you went on to Sky and did Noel's HQ, which is another absolutely bonkers show. But anyway, carry on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'm just looking at this article. So Philip responded that Noel Edmonds was incredibly insensitive and tactless in delivery of said research. Clearly riled up by the comment, the 67-year-old hit back Schofield I posed a question in response to abuse. You corrupted the truth and made a fool of yourself. Your ego is larger than your intellect.
Speaker 3:So they've actually fallen out then, yeah, I mean I don't know how much of it like they sort of carry a grudge. After a bit of a it was on this morning they had a bit of a falling out. It looks like oh get it, he's got some mad views on the world, hasn't he?
Speaker 2:Well, we'll get to them in a minute. But on the Knowles HQ that I've just been talking about, Charlie Brooker described it as a cross between that's Live Surprise, Surprise and an unmade episode of Alan Partridge, where Alan snaps and runs into traffic with his shirt off, smashing screens with a cricket bat.
Speaker 3:Um, something on edge in edmunds.
Speaker 2:There's a bit in it where he's like he seemed to go at councils all the time, like he has this segment called bonkers britain and this councillor refused to go on his show. She said we don't participate in in, uh, light entertainment shows. He's fucking fuming, no, and he's like going. If you think this is a live entertainment show, we help people every day. It's like again that self think this is a live entertainment show. We help people every day. It's like again that self-importance. You're doing a fucking show on Sky One called Knowles HQ. What do you think you're doing? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3:Yeah, he just seems to. It doesn't seem to be an act. He seems to have misunderstood that. He's the figurehead, the face of this thing. It's not all him.
Speaker 2:I will say I imagine he gets massively involved in the production of these things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't think he'd have it any other way, I think. Yeah, it's basically just can you get me on camera as much as possible? I mean just thinking back to the one of the ones that I watched as well. By the way, there's normally a I can't remember the background of why he's gone to visit this particular kid but he turns up at his door. He's sort of peeking through the letterbox at him and he says, hey, like jigsaws.
Speaker 3:So they do it gives him a rocking horse out in the street. It's massive, I don't know how they're gonna get through the door. But then he leans and sort of puts his face right in this kid's face. It looks sort of slightly confused and then sort of gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and edmund sort of reacts as if, like I can't believe he's done that. Wow, oh, brilliant.
Speaker 2:You know you were begging for it all up all I'll say again we're not making any accusations there. I know your dad's absolutely obsessed with getting him on the uh on the u-tree, I don. I know your dad's absolutely obsessed with getting him on the uh on the youtube.
Speaker 3:I don't know if that's all going in the u-tree well, no, I just think he was hoping he'd pop up on there. Well, well, I think you think on my behalf.
Speaker 2:I don't think yeah, yeah yeah, and I think he just thought it'd cheer me up to say he'd be fuming listening to edmunds. Fortunately he's got miles better things to do, such as there's a couple of things that he said. I mean this is the maddest thing he said. This isn't even funny really. He said cancer's caused by negative energy and I remember him going on this morning with Schofield actually it must have been that actually.
Speaker 3:That might be the argument.
Speaker 2:And he said it can be reversed using an EMP pad, which is a device device used for pulsed electromagnetic magnetic field therapy and positive thinking one thing you use on, like metal gear solid, to turn off security cameras.
Speaker 2:It's an outrageous claim, right? And so someone had cancer on, like this guy on twitter said, like I've got cancer. And edmund said, scientific fact disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? Hashtag explore. I mean, it's not funny because I can't imagine if you've got. It's mad. What a mad thing to say. I'm no scientist, but neither is the fucking former host of teleaddict, so I'm gonna go with the side I like how you sort of proved your statement in your statement.
Speaker 3:I'm no scientist, it's like I. I'm not multiple scientists, I am not all the scientists.
Speaker 2:No, but I'm not a scientist. But I'm saying it again this is why Noel gets the big books. I'm slagging him off. This is why, I am not a scientist, but neither is Noel Edmonds, and he's got hammered for that, absolutely hammered for that.
Speaker 3:That's just one of his main things. Just to confirm. Just to confirm you are not scientists.
Speaker 2:I am not two scientists, or or even, yeah, or three.
Speaker 3:This is one of my favorite things he did, though do you know things like that, though I think like they're so, so arrogant as a statement, isn't it? It's like I'm not ill, so if you're real, it's because you've done something to be fair to him, this all came about because he got cancer.
Speaker 2:Um, I don't want to say which one it is because I'm not sure. To be honest, I don't want to get wrong. It's not a serious thing, but he got cancer and he was convinced it was because he was going through a hard time due to the next thing I'm going to talk about, actually. So he got ripped off by a banking scam. I don't know if you know this no, I don't think so yeah, yeah, um, I think it were eight.
Speaker 2:I don't want to say the cover anyway. Anyway, I think one of the big banking companies. He got done.
Speaker 3:I'd love to be there in that moment and press the video of that picture. Do you know? When he's Christmas Eve, when you lose and his face comes up. I'd love to play that to him at that moment.
Speaker 2:And he lost absolutely thousands and thousands of pounds. So this is how this is brilliantly described. This is just a post. I've read it called Mike Hunt. So yeah, professional fool Noel Edmonds has decided to launch a vendetta against Lloyd's, hbos and banking companies in the most partridge way possible. Edmonds was one of the many who suffered loss from the banking scam several years ago and he has now started a radio station which is exclusively about the subject. All the songs that have been played are all about lying, stealing, cheating or backstabbing. Noel interviews himself exclusively about the subject. All the songs that have been played are all about lying, stealing, cheating or backstabbing. No interviews himself about these banks and things like that, and all the adverts are fake adverts by noel yeah, I mean he's, he's certainly he's a man on a mission.
Speaker 3:Anyway, when he's got the bit between, he's like dav Van Dyke, isn't he?
Speaker 2:We've fucking criticised them both. We've already had Daz on his case, daz Sampson Hopefully we've cooled that one out. But we don't want Edmonds on his case from his villa in fucking wherever he is. No.
Speaker 3:I don't think he'd stoop to our level with Edmonds. I don't think he's interested in the slightest bit what anyone like me or you think of him.
Speaker 2:I don't know. He can't go on TV for loving the money. Now he might get a bigger audience than him. So he thought he could buy the BBC. He said during numerous meetings I have held over many months in many countries, very wealthy individuals and international investors and business people they all acknowledge that there is a business model that would save the BBC. Believe me, these people can make it happen. This is about 15 years ago and obviously again it's. It's a bit david vandy in the. He had a massive falling out with the bbc so he wants it killed and or read or re-image in his image like and this is why the ego you can't I don't know arrival noel edmunds bbc.
Speaker 3:that's what van day would have done on it know, as far as he didn't start a rival, noel Edmonds BBC that's what Van Dijk would have done, wouldn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, true, he probably thought about it, at least.
Speaker 3:He's quite a rich man, I think you know. Oh yeah, he will be.
Speaker 2:Of course, he's been on TV for a fucking year. Well, he's not again. He can't go on TV at one point, um this one. I feel quite sad for him, for this is where the maniac noel edmonds comes in. He says he has two orbs that visit him. He says they're both the size of a melon. One sits on his arm. This sounds like a joke, doesn't it? Like a brass eye or something. One sits on his arm and the other sits over his shoulder. I'd like to think they are my parents.
Speaker 3:Conventional photography can't pick them up, but digital cameras can yeah, I read that he thinks photography can't pick them up, but digital cameras can. Yeah, I read that he thinks they move at thousands of miles an hour, digital cameras?
Speaker 2:calm, because there'd be a picture of you with these melons on you. What are you talking about?
Speaker 3:yeah anything like that. If it's doing anyone no harm, I agree.
Speaker 2:This is why I do feel sorry for him with that, yeah, and he says like he misses his parents, which is weird because another of his quotes is there isn't such a thing as death, and it's been known for a very long time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, is that what it means, though? We've become orbs at thousands of hours an hour.
Speaker 2:I think that's what it means yeah, and like you say, if he's not harming anybody.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't mind that. Yeah, it doesn't make me like him more, but but I think the fact that he's yeah, yeah, there's a bit, a little bit more vulnerability than his usual sort of cocky self, but but even in saying that, he's sort of sort of smugly looking down on the yeah, well, on the one of the interviews where he mentions it um, someone like takes him to task and he's just like, basically it's like it says.
Speaker 2:He gives him a, a really arrogant look, as if, like you know, he's looking down on him for not believing this. It's the old. I've done my own research. Bollocks that idiots say because they think it's fucking going on Google same as spending decades learning your trade or whatever.
Speaker 3:Another conspiracy theory is covered in one of our showdowns from Andrew Haig 2012.
Speaker 2:I didn't know this, this crazy. He runs a phone, a pet, a phone, a pet service where he offers positive thoughts and words for the nation's pets. One user said on saturday at 12 26 pm, noel edmunds phoned me up and proceeded to talk to my cat, offering her words of affirmation and motivation.
Speaker 3:I bet if you could it was all about him, like what he's been up to and what he's, what I've done he's obviously into this again.
Speaker 2:I've seen an interview where he's he starts like he asked someone to lift his arms up, which they do, and then he starts berating him or something like that, and he says try and do it now and they can't. It's all that mind trick you know what I mean, and he's convinced that that shows that negative or energy positive negative is actually a thing out there rather than you know, just something that people say as a yeah, but I think that that yeah, if, if somebody makes you feel bad or embarrassed, I'm sure that translates into some physical effect, but but that's very different from.
Speaker 3:I mean I don't know if you've got it on your list, but like it's cosmic ordering, are you going to touch on that?
Speaker 2:well, no, but this is about. It's all the same sort of thing. If you want to talk about that one, yeah, it's cosmic it reminds me of rodney off on falls, and also cosmic, cosmic yeah, cosmic.
Speaker 3:So he when, when he couldn't get on tv for love, no money he was, it was just out the picture, obviously, for for everybody it's funny how all these things seem to come out by the way, when he can't get on tv.
Speaker 2:For love, no money, like it's almost as if, like he went mad in it.
Speaker 3:Well, in this occasion. However, it worked. He believes it's because he did something called cosmic ordering, which is where he thinks if you tell the universe what you want in the right way, you'll get it. And I believe his way of doing that is yeah, I love this. Like as if, like this, this is the trick. And think how ridiculous it is. You have to write in sort of small words on the side of your hand what you want and the universe will give it you. And he obviously wrote he wanted. He wanted to get back on TV. He'd love all money.
Speaker 2:Did he actually write that? He made that bit up no, no Not the money bit, but I can imagine that's his first.
Speaker 3:I think he did write. He wanted to kind of be back as a successful TV man On that he did write to the Cosmos.
Speaker 2:This is an interview with John Ronson. This is incredible, said I wrote to the cosmos and I'd like to meet. Meet a woman will make me laugh and make me happy. I wrote that I'd like to make a like a relationship that's not to have a with an attractive lady and I'd walk, I'd like her to walk into my life by the end of september 2005. And guess what she did then, john ronson said, is that that person who sold sold a story to the sunday people back in july. This is a massive silence.
Speaker 3:Yes says no how much as well does that sound like uh partridge when he says, uh, can you go down to the agency and get me a 40 year old scorcher?
Speaker 2:and do use those words yeah, but he's so amazing though, like yep, and guess what it came in is that the woman who basically fucking went behind your back and told the story.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely just what. I just what an unbelievable and that I just think, once you get to that sort of stage where you're sort of bragging about.
Speaker 3:You know, I wrote to the Cosmos and that happened a bit like you've said, if this helps people, whatever, yeah, I really don't care. I don't know, is it? You know is what he's saying is is almost like self sort of placebo. If you can create something that believes things are going to get better for you, maybe they will. But I think there's such an arrogance in that to tell in an ill, like seriously ill child yeah well, I'm successful because I wrote some words on the side of my hand and I was positive. It's like there's actually something quite awful about that. It's just arrogance, isn't it?
Speaker 2:the ego has landed. That's pretty much it for my notes. This is a difficult episode I thought to do because on the Christmas present things, you do have to have a genuinely. You have to have a heart of stone, a don't want to say heart gold, heart a stone, to not find some of the stories genuinely you know they will affect you because they're really really nice stories, but they're all fucking ruined by him.
Speaker 2:You can't like what I can't. Other people all love, noel. I looked at the comments. There were no bad comments on the YouTube comments. Me probably got rid of them all to be fair. But um, all the youtube, they're all like brilliant getting all back on tv. You know, fantastic. I was weird. Before I started this I was completely on the fence with with noel. Now I'm sort of like I don't really want to see him again for at least a couple of months, which I won't because I can't get on tv full of the money, but um, uh, but I don't want to. I've seen too much. I've only spent a week researching this and it's too much, noel, is that why I?
Speaker 3:mean, he's one of them people, right? Obviously I I have a bit of an issue with him, that's I have to deal with that away from on the podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, you're right to the cosmos, like saying, please let me and Noel Edmonds make peace. Yeah, the cosmos as well. It reminds me of that scene of He-Man, master of the Universe, where, skeletor, I am, now part of the cosmos, the cosmos. What are you on about?
Speaker 3:it's just a it's just a very sort of overly confident. I mean there's one where it goes to again. It's quite touching, it's well done. Some woman's son is in the Navy. She's lost her other son. I think they're not going to all be together at Christmas because he's stationed away. He takes her to 10 Downing Street to make a call she thinks she's going to get to make a call to him.
Speaker 2:You get Major in there, don't you, john Major? Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say.
Speaker 3:John, you get Major in there, don't you? John Major? Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say John Major in there, who's Prime Minister of the country at the time. Massive glasses still, but Noel, he's the top dog in the room, isn't?
Speaker 2:he. It's incredible that.
Speaker 3:Traveling around. Yeah, it's his home and his room almost.
Speaker 2:I get the feeling that whatever room he's in and this is not necessarily a bad trait, not necessarily a bad trait, but he is he's going to take over that room by a sheer, sheer confidence, I think, and there's nothing wrong with that. But even in that scene he stood next to the prime minister. I think, I don't know. You put anton dek next to, maybe not kirstall. He's not really got much about him, has he?
Speaker 3:but you know, I mean like a prime minister, like sort of no gallagher, and some of them they looked a bit like yeah, with blair, yeah, yeah, not in awe of where they them. They looked a bit like yeah with Blair yeah yeah, yeah, not in awe of where they were, but they looked a bit like God. Wow, I can't believe. I'm here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can't believe I'm in here. Yeah, he's not phased by that. All is straight in there. Yeah, it's like I might be back next week, john if I get someone else to see Schofield, noel Edmonds, david Van Day, I can't think of. I do like David Van Day.
Speaker 3:Mabley's.
Speaker 2:probably not a bad shout, mabley's somehow come across as the sanest man out of all those four, and I don't know, how. I think that'd be a great career move for him. If Mabley's got anything about him, he should say why don't we do this? A four-way thing? Me, not Edmonds, david Van Dyke. And who's the other one? Phil Schofield. He said it like that as well. Phil Schofield, we'll go into a cabin, and I reckon he'd come out of that as a hero compared to the other three.
Speaker 3:I think by the end of it they'd all be talking to each other through Maidly. It'd be like, well, you're going to have to go over there and tell Edmonds that I will not actually be going out to collect awards today because I feel a bit tired.
Speaker 2:Imagine David van der. You might have been on TV a long time, but I've been the entertainment business doll. You don't know how to sing. You don't know how to dance. It'd be amazing, wouldn't it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, imagine a close-up zooms in on Noel's hand and he's written on the side something bad to happen to Schofield.
Speaker 2:Something bad to happen to Van Day? That'd be amazing, wouldn't it? By the way, on that, we're going to go through the comments and stuff of what people have sent us, because we're trying to get a lot of Christmas episodes out, so we'll not get a chance, probably before Christmas, yeah it's going to blur into a bit of a mid-weekend. Yeah, I didn't realise that David Van Day is not his real name. I don't know why I didn't look at that, but that's not his real name.
Speaker 3:I kind of assumed it wasn't. But yeah, I never really gave it a second thought.
Speaker 2:Was it LJD?
Speaker 3:who said it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it might have been Neil. I can't remember which one it was, but yeah, it's David Paul Day. And someone said what a genius. Like I said, we'll go through it in the comments, but just putting a Van in the middle of your name makes you Do. You know what I mean? If I called Andrew Van Hague, that'd be an amazing one. Yeah.
Speaker 3:You would be more successful, I think, if you did that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, we should both change his name to Van in the middle. This podcast would be fucking massive.
Speaker 3:We'd be like Noel, would be like banging on doors trying to get on it. I wonder if we could live in with Richard Van Maidley.
Speaker 2:That's so confusing, as confusing as it is. Richard Van Maidley, everyone, if anyone's having a kid over the Christmas period, middle name Van, I'm telling you good things are going to happen. Yeah, agreed, but yeah, so that's Noel Edmonds. Like I say, we're a difficult one to cover because it's a very nice show.
Speaker 3:Not much goes on, but I don't think it's just back to the actual show before we, before we close it out and end it. It is a nice show, it is yeah, if you sort of if there's nothing of the festive spirit to watch an old one of these, they are quite touching like they are, you know they are quite nice to watch and you'll get to see what we mean about the huge ego on on this place I wouldn't say don't watch them.
Speaker 2:They are worth to watch some of them if there's any edmunds fans out there, or maybe family members. We're only judging the, the man on the tv screen there. No, I don't know what he's like in real life on this we're judging him on this.
Speaker 3:We're judging him on quiz machines and a little bit of tele addicts, which I actually used to really like. So I just like tele addicts, yeah he's got that in his back pocket for me.
Speaker 2:That's just a positive for me about and for a man who's half raccoon, he's not doing too bad. Is he to be fair? Um, but next right. So we're going to do some christmas episodes. And asked us to do Fanny Craddock Last Christmas and she's asked us again to do Fanny this, Fanny that innit.
Speaker 3:Last Christmas she asked us to do Fanny Craddock.
Speaker 2:But yeah, so what we thought we'd do Instead of just doing Fanny Craddock because we had this idea, anyway, about another, before Christmas we're going to try and do Christmas cooking shows. I don't know how exactly we're going to do this, but we're going to sort of have a look at some of the old Christmas cooking shows of the past. Probably a bit of Delia in there. Obviously, ainsley he'll be featuring, won't he?
Speaker 3:I've watched quite a few of these, I'm sorry to say.
Speaker 2:Well, you're going to lead this because I don't do fucking Christmas dinners. I've never done one, you are. You class yourself as a fine cook these days. Yeah you, you're quite the greg wallace, aren't you? Um, I think I'd end the year by saying that, but yes, yeah, um, yeah, you are a good cook, so I'm gonna let you lead this one. Um, I'm gonna watch a bit of fanny craddock. I'll probably watch a bit of a bit of delia uh, their christmas shows. So, yeah, join us for that that should be.
Speaker 3:There's all sorts. If there's anything, we're gonna try and get through them fairly quick. So, if you can, if you want us to consider anything maybe not Gino Di- Campolo.
Speaker 2:By the way, I don't know if you've seen he's the latest one who's got into a bit of problems. No well, I didn't know he'd got a criminal conviction for burglary. By the way, do you know his middle name, sheffield? I thought you were going to say Van. No, yeah, anyway, his accused yeah, no, he did that. Weren't that some sort of yeah, but that's his actual middle name?
Speaker 3:yeah, but didn't he change it when it's something to do with Henderson's or something? Did he do it on a? What's the mad guy? Mad guy who's been sort of ousted as a bit out of order? Greg Wallace. Yeah, I know that. One of the other ones, greg Wallace Lee.
Speaker 2:Lee.
Speaker 3:Mack no Lee spelled.
Speaker 1:L-E-I-C-H. I think.
Speaker 3:Melanie Sykes called him out, or someone called him out as being, like, really inappropriate.
Speaker 2:Is it Greg?
Speaker 3:Wallace Does the thing with Holly Willoughby.
Speaker 1:Lee.
Speaker 3:Oh, jesus Christ, this is incredible Lee.
Speaker 1:Francis.
Speaker 2:Lee Francis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's at Boss Eden.
Speaker 3:No, I can't remember how I got. I spent that much effort trying to get his name. I completely lost my train of thought. Why were I trying to pick him in?
Speaker 2:Oh, I know G now Right. He did something with G now Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I thought he was on one of his shows.
Speaker 2:Oh, is that what it is? I don't know.
Speaker 3:He almost dared him or challenged him, and if he lost he had to change his name to Sheffield or something. I thought something like that.
Speaker 2:I may be way apparently been.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm not gonna say anything you might say he's been, he's been flashing female members of. I'm not gonna say anything.
Speaker 2:He's been flashing a female you know, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say it's hot. I don't know how context is being flashing.
Speaker 1:You can't no.
Speaker 2:No, we can't, we do not condone we do not condone, do not condone.
Speaker 3:Do you know Flashing? We don't even know if you did it. So we don't even say that you did it.
Speaker 2:We don't even know if you did it and if you did do it we don't condone it. We don't condone it, we. So if you're a cook, watch out, is what I'm saying, because you know people are on the warpath for these guys at the moment. So hopefully we're going to be a bit topical as well.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think we'll do the obvious ones. We'll do that. I think it's got to be I can't remember what you said, but it's got to be Jamie Oliver. It's got to be probably Nigella and Delia.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Does it really start with a pathetic man called Nigel Slater that I might mention because he's such a wet lettuce of a man and, yeah, anything else?
Speaker 2:I'm going to watch some Fanny Craddock videos.
Speaker 3:They are on YouTube actually as well, because I think Ange pointed us in the direction of Sky. What's?
Speaker 2:the mince pie ones. Were it Mince meat? Sorry, mince meat. Very similar, Right. Anyway, that is Noel Edmonds. We might come back to Noel Edmonds. There's a lot to go out with him.
Speaker 3:Maybe do Teleaddicts. Maybe one day I've had enough for him. Yeah, but one day we might want to go back and look at the good side of Noel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I say, it's Christmas, mate, it's Christmas. I tried to come because I knew you didn't like him and when I started watching these Christmas presents things, I did genuinely thought I'm going to be on his side and I thought what it could be a good podcast if you're slagging him off and I'm praising him. But he pissed me off within like about half an hour, so I just sort of like I can't do it. I just can't pretend that We'll see your true.
Speaker 3:True colours shining through.
Speaker 4:What is cake? Well, it has an active ingredient which is a dangerous psychoactive compound known as dimesmeric, and some phosphate. It stimulates the part of the brain called Shatner's bassoon, and that's the bit of the brain that deals with time perception. So a second feels like a month. Well, almost sounds like fun, unless you're the Prague schoolboy who walked out into the street straight in front of a tram. He thought he'd got a month to cross the street.
Speaker 3:If anyone wants to get in touch with us, send us anything. Find us on Twitter at livingwithmade1, or. You can send us anything. Find us on twitter at living with made one, or.