My Magic Eight Ball Is A Bible

One green Living Bible. One furious teenager with zero faith. One question asked in a locked room because there’s nothing left to try. That’s where Heidi starts, and it’s why this story hits so hard: spiritual guidance doesn’t show up as a polished “belief journey,” it shows up as a gritty survival tool you can test when you’re angry, skeptical, and exhausted.

I walk through how a woman from Young Life, Carla Cup, pulls me aside in 1984 and gives me a simple practice for discernment: put your hand on the Bible, ask God a question, open where it feels right, and read what you land on. I call it my “unconditional faith compass,” not because I begin with devotion, but because the answers keep meeting me where I am. Over time, the practice shifts from teenage chaos to adult stakes, including running a law office and making decisions that affect real people. When I finally ask whether I should hire a lawyer who won’t stop pushing, the line I open to flips my plan on the spot.

We also get into the part nobody likes to talk about: what happens when the answer costs you. I share a painful betrayal, missing money, and the moment I ignore what I believe I’m told to do, then live with the consequences. If you’re searching for faith, intuition, prayer, or a grounded decision-making process, this conversation is a candid look at what it means to ask for guidance and then actually follow it.

Subscribe to Surviving Changes, share this with someone who’s stuck, and leave a review if it helps you think clearly. What’s one question you’d ask if you weren’t afraid of the answer?

Transcript

Opening And Not Feeling It

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hey there, it's Heidi, and this is the Surviving Changes podcast. All right. I really don't feel like doing this today. This is how we get stopped. I want to have a day off. But all right, I told you yesterday that I will um tell you about how when God talks to me, how that happened, how it came about, and perhaps it will work for you too. Now I want to preface this by saying um when I started this back in 1984, I had absolutely zero faith. This was not about faith. Now it is about faith. I have used it to um literally, I've lived by myself, been essentially homeless, had businesses in all of these places. But I started out homeless um and worked my way up in Australia with that Bible. Um man, God had some things to tell me in the Outback. Uh, in Puerto Rico, in Cabo, San Lucas, all over the States. That Bible has been with me since 1984 when a lady named Carla Cup gave it to me. Now, you may actually be familiar with Carla Cup if you watch football at all. So, Carla Cup is the grandmom of um Cooper Cup, and he was played for San Diego, and he was the um MVP, the most valuable player in the Super Bowl. So his grandma is who actually gave me this Bible, and I was really mad at her for a long, long time. Man, I was mad. Um, and here's how

Young Life And Carla’s Concern

SPEAKER_00 1:53

it happened. So if you followed me at all, you know my mom was just an evil, um icky woman. And so I did not want to be at home any more than I had to be at home. And on Mondays, there was a thing that our school had was called young life. And I think some schools still have it, but back in the day, you probably know what young life was. It was through a lot of schools. You'd go one day a week to like someone's house and um they'd gather you and give you a little snack or something and do something fun and then um talk about God a little bit, right? It was their way to kind of just get you you know, just God, essentially. Um and it was as gross as my mom was, it was one place that she would let me go and not give me any hard time. And so I could stay after school on Mondays, go to Young Life instead of watch my brother and sister, um, do three loads of laundry after school before mom got home and start dinner. Uh, and so I would do that. Also, there was a girl I had a crush on named Brandy Millius, and she went to Young Life. So every Monday I got to sit next to Brandy. Um, but the God thing I was pretty mad about. At that point in time, uh, if you told me there was a God and I believed you, I would have been really fucking mad at that guy. Really fucking mad. Was certainly not going because of the goodness in my heart wanted me to learn about God. Um, it was simply to avoid a bad situation and sit next to Brandy. But Carla was one of the ladies along with another lady, uh, Pat Sample, killing herself. It's crazy. Um Pat Sample. Like, pulled me off once. She pulled me off too. So I'm gonna tell you about Carla, but real quick, that Pat Sample up there at Camp Malibu um pulled me off to the side, like touched my forehead, spoke tongues. It was the creepiest, weirdest thing. And then when we got back, she killed herself. Um, I don't, it was for small town, it was quite the um scandal, I guess. But anyway, Carlo was the other lady who ran uh this young life. Um and so, and we knew they were well off, but like they didn't walk around saying, Hey, our dad was like in the NFL and stuff like that. They had a tennis court out there and they had a decent sized beautiful piece of land that they always kept mowed all nice and beautiful. You'd come up and see their house, you know, up on the hill. So it was pretty clear that they had something going. But those kids walked around just humble, went to school with his dad and his uncle. They were a year and year or two older than me. Um, but those kids just humble as can be, just good, good people. If you've ever met good people, the cup family are good people. And if you know um Cooper, he gives all the glory to God. So, but anyway, Carla kept seeing me come every Monday to this young life. And it must have been pretty clear that I was coming from a not great situation. Uh, and so she watched it for a while. Um, and then finally one Monday, as everybody gathered in, she let us do all our stuff, eat our snacks, have our fun. And then when everybody was else gathered in talking, doing their God talk, she pulled me off into another room in the house, like a living room type area. And she sat me down on a couch. And I don't remember exactly what she said. I wish I would would remember it, but it was in 1984. Um, and I didn't know it'd be significant, or I would have tried to remember more of it. But essentially what she said that I do remember was, Heidi, you're going through a spiritual war, a battle. Um, and she tried to talk to me about that. And she obviously could tell that I just wanted to go sit next to Brandy again. Get away from this weird situation. Um, and so she finally just said to me, Okay, look, will you do me a favor? I'm like, okay, sure. I'll do anything it takes to get the hell off this couch and back next to Brandy. And she said, Okay, and I got the I'll I'll put a picture of it up. Um, but so she hands me this green book. I call it the Stoners version of the Bible, but it's a living Bible, um, literally from 1984, Tyndall House, um, a thought-for-thought translation. And I've never read it from beginning to end, because like I said, um that wasn't what that wasn't the purpose. I use this like a magic eight ball, and here's how it worked, and then I'm gonna tell you how far it's gotten me um and some of the answers it's given me over the years. Maybe it will work for you too. Because like I said, I

The Bible As A Question Tool

SPEAKER_00 6:44

didn't start with faith, I started with anger. So, anyway, she says, Okay, put your hand down on this Bible. Next time you're feeling this way, and I don't remember how she described that way, but I knew the feeling. It's like whenever you feel this way, sit down in a quiet spot, take this Bible and put your hand on it, and then ask God a question, and then run your finger up the spine, and wherever it feels like you should open, open it up and see what it says. I'm like, okay, crazy lady. Anything to get the fuck away from you. So I said, okay, and I took it. And at that point in time, um, look, we burned, I was a trouble kid. There's no hiding that. One of the things we did uh up by the bus stop is burned Ouija boards because they would scream, some of them, not all of them, but some of them would scream when you burned them. And I knew enough about God, I knew I couldn't like do something with this book. And so I felt like she kind of cursed me with it. Um, and I told you I had a I got a 152 IQ. And I was in Sila. They moved me from um all of the programs, all of the from Boys Town, Paddock Road, all of that to See La, and then just let me be, right? And so my brain needed more. And being smart in Sila was not good. They're they're about the dumbest fucking people right there. Um, ignorant, grandiose, and man, they think they got real big egos uh and real little minds. Um, but anyway, so I was trying to cope with that situation. One of the things I could do is I could huff gas and I could at least get away for a little bit. And so I did, I huffed gas. And in my room, my room was in the garage, of course. Um, and so I had this shelf and it had these kind of like little glass bottles on them, and the like for direct decoration if my parents came in. Uh, but one of them I kept a little bit of gas in so I could huff it whenever things got bad. And so I put this Bible right behind on the shelf behind all of those bottles. And I walked by it for I don't know how long. Weeks, probably, probably weeks and weeks. Um, looking at it just mad as hell at Carla for giving it to me. But then finally one day I was feeling that way that she described. Um, and I had nothing left, no reason not to try it, nothing to lose. And so I locked my little garage door and um grabbed my pipe and tried to scrape a couple little hits of resin, took a couple hits of resin, put my hand down on that book, ask it whatever I ask it, don't remember that either, and opened it up. And sure as shit, it answered my question. I'm like, all right, you're just high. Hold on, let's try it again. And so I did it again. Like, motherfucker, that's weird. And so whether I ask it an open-end question or a close-end question, I would get an answer. If it was a yes or no question, I would it would open up to like Jesus talking, saying yes or no. Um, or if I ask it like an open-ended question, it would answer that question, like with a sentence or two that was directly related. And I'm like, okay, this is fucking this is as freaky as the Ouija boards um that we burned. And so I put that thing back up. I'm like, oh my god, now it is cursed. Um, and kept it up there for a long, long, long time. Again, I didn't know what else to do with it. But so finally I pulled it out again. Who knows how long later? Telling myself, hey, let's see if that works again. You might have been just really, really high that night. Something was weird. But I did it and no shit, it worked. And then I did the next day and it worked. And whenever I tried doing it, it worked. Um now, way back then, I didn't use it to like ask questions for the future or things that I should do. I was a kid. I was asking stupid things that kids would ask, you know, not anything um the of any substance at all. Kid stuff. Uh, but I I did keep this book. I slept with it under my pillow. Um, you know, it came with me places, okay? And so um now fast forward, and uh I'm a lawyer. And the I so this must have been about 2005, I'm guessing. Uh, and I'm just a sole practitioner, but I'm busy as fuck, and I'm running everywhere. And there's this lawyer in town working for the local PD,

A Career Decision Gets Answered

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I think it was Shoreline PD, named Jonathan Dictor. Jonathan, I'm gonna I love you, Jonathan, but I'm gonna depose you. I know you know what the fuck went on. So get prepared for to speak under oath about this shit. Um, because I know you know. She knows. She knows. Yeah. So, um, when things go down, I'll we'll talk. I still have the card you gave us, too, from 2007 when we took you to Maui. So anyway, um, Jonathan kept asking me to hire him. I'm like, Jonathan, you don't know my story, but I didn't even plan on being a lawyer, let alone having like a law office. This is an all mistake, it's all an accident. Leave me alone and I'll teach you how to work for yourself. You don't need I don't need to hire you. You're totally capable of having your own fucking office. Let me show you how. And so this went on for months and months and months. Every time I'd fucking see him. And finally, I don't know how he knew about this, my Bible, but uh probably because I talked about it. It was called an uncon my, it's called my unconditional faith compass. It's also part of the reason I think I was hit so hard um by them because I was bringing a lot of people to God right back then. Uh, and this book was a lot of the reason why. Um, because it was an unconditional faith compass. But so anyway, Jonathan says, can I take you to lunch? Just talk about it. I'm like, fine. So we go to lunch. Uh, and in that lunch, he says, okay, like he tries to convince me, like, Jonathan, I'm not fucking hiring anybody, Jonathan. Stop asking. And he finally is like, All right, just go ask your unconditional faith compass. And if it says no, then I won't ask about it again. Like, awesome, because I figured this book was not gonna let me down. Um, and so I go home that night, uh, eat some dinner with Leslie and Tony, get high, go to a quiet spot, put my hand on this Bible, ask it, should I hire Jonathan? Uh, run my thumb up the side, open it, and it says, two can do more than twice as much as one. Motherfucker. So I hired Jonathan. Um, and that was kind of the start of when I started asking it questions on like what to do about family, what to do about business, what to do, where should my feet step next, things like that. Um, and so that's literally how I've how I ended up in Australia, how I ended up in Puerto Rico, um how I've I've circumvented the entire globe. Um so it was Tokyo, Singapore, uh Perth, um

Traveling The World With Guidance

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Manchester, Abu Dhabi, uh JFK again, and Puerto Rico. And I did all of that with no income, um, no job, uh, only that Bible. And a backpack. And my puppy ashes. The people, if you're doing this, go back and listen to when they killed uh my puppy. So this backpack had nothing but a Bible and some puppy ashes in it, and um, some of my puppy toys. But so I've made it around the globe with it, and at this point in time, um it doesn't like we can ask it whatever we want to ask, but it's gonna lead us where we need to go. The problem is now if you want to try it, try it. Like I said, I didn't start with any faith, so it doesn't require any faith. I my faith grew in what I went through. The more that I would ask it, the more it would answer, the more that would be turn out to be a correct answer. Um I did learn, so there were Leslie's, one of Leslie's friends, Bev. And now I don't even know if Bev um did all of it. But when they made when they when I was so sick and poisoned, they had me go in for a spinal tap. God, you guys are going to hell, man. You're going to hell. At least a thousand years, you're gonna burn from the inside uh if you took part in this. Simple as that. Then you better confess before you die, or it's just you're gonna melt. Read my book, echo at the end. Um, but so anyway, I was out. They gave me a bad spinal tap. I had to get a blood patch. Uh, and I was out of work for a month, and these motherfuckers stole over a hundred thousand dollars uh in cash over that month while I was out. And I thought it was just Bev because everybody was just blaming Bev. And there was a pretty good paper

Betrayal, Embezzlement, And Consequences

SPEAKER_00 16:24

trail with Bev. Um, and she had been seen up at the casino playing the $10 slot machines. So it all made sense that Bev was the one that did it. Now I think there was probably a lot more than Bev that did it. My daughter was doing it. Uh, Galen Leslie, there was everybody had their hands in there. Jonathan, this is what I'm talking about. I don't think you took a damn thing. Um, but you know what the fuck was up. You're gonna tell me the truth, buddy. Um I didn't fire you, they did. Get rid of your grudge. Fucking you're gonna answer shit under oath, Jonathan. Don't worry, you're not the only one. Um but so now I've I've listened to it. But so back to Bev. This is the reason why. So I asked it what to do with Bev. What I was supposed to do. Because Bev was like a family member, she was closer than family for a long time. Like I took pictures of her daughter, like her family was closer than our family for years. That's where we would go for holidays. That's it's what we would do. And so to uh have Bev arrested um on multiple felony counts of embezzlement was rough for me. It was easier for me to make the money at the time than it was for me to do that. And so, of course, I went to my Bible and asked it what I should do. And when it answered, it said, uh, if someone wrongs you, uh go to them privately and let them know that you know. And then um if they deny it, go back again with a witness, tell them that you know what you know, and if they then deny it again, then take it to the church, essentially, and let the church handle it. And uh the church has always been like the court, essentially, um, in my understanding, how we me and God have talked. And so he very clearly said, have them arrested, and I didn't. I ignored what he said, and I was incredibly punished because of it. So there were many years that I wouldn't ask it a question because I was afraid that I would get an answer that I wouldn't want to follow. So but anyway, it's called a living bible. Uh try that. Couldn't hurt anything. I can get the paperbook probably for fifteen, twenty bucks. So I'm heidi. This is Surviving Changes podcast. Tomorrow we'll get back to other stuff. Have a great day.