Tracy Read- Damsel in Defense

Tracy and I sat down and talked a little about faith, family, business, and fitness, especially mental fitness with Tracy Read. 

Tracy is as about as multifaceted of a guest as we have had on the show. She has over 30 years of experience in the pharmaceutical industry including the last few on the clinical trial side. She is a domestic abuse survivor. She is a mother and grandmother, she has reinvented herself at an age when many are considering retiring, and she started a new chapter with her passion. 

What is that passion? Educating women on how to protect themselves. 

You can check out her website at https://www.mydamselpro.net/WARRIORUP/

Something near and dear to Richard's heart being the father of three young ladies. 

We talk about our own mental health struggles and triumphs and how those peaks and valleys help mold our lives. 

You don't want to miss this episode. 

www.liveitfull.com

Transcript

Richard:
 Hey, you're listening to the Liveful Podcast, but you know that because you clicked play. I'm Richard. I'm your host. That's in the studio today. I am blessed. I am privileged to have an amazing guest, somebody who I've gotten to know through Apex, my mastermind group that I've been involved with for many years. I always enjoy bringing you multifaceted guests who have diverse backgrounds, have different opinions, have just different things that they can bring to the podcast that heck I might not normally meet if it wasn't through a mastermind. And so if you liked the podcast, if you've listened to us before, if you're, you know, we're nearing a hundred episodes. Go like us. Uh, I mean, share it, do a review, do something to spread the love of love at full cause you know, we like to talk about faith, family finance, fitness. Today we might hit a little bit of all of them. I don't know. We'll just have to see. So I'm blessed to have Ms. Tracy Reed on the podcast today. I'm going to let her introduce herself a little bit, but when I say multifaceted, like I think that she's one of those, she's got some dimensions to her. And she just, you know, she, she kind of exhibits a lot of different things. I love for those of you that haven't listened to the podcast or know me personally, I love strong entrepreneur women. I'm married to one. I have three daughters who Lord knows they're strong willed right now. Um, I'm hoping that translates to great things later in life, but she also has a story to tell probably because she wasn't always strong and you know, strength comes from adversity sometimes. So I think there's a lot of great things we can unpack in here. Tracy, tell us a little bit about yourself, your background, the things you would want my listeners to know.

Tracy Read:
Thank you, Richard. I appreciate you having me on. It's been a pleasure just to get to catch up with you and get to know you over the Apex postings and getting to read your post and everything. So I'm so thankful that you had me on today. And yeah, I am Tracy Reed. I am, I've only been in Apex for a little over a year. So a year and two months. And honestly, it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. My son asked me to join Apex on a challenge and I'm pretty strong willed woman and usually I don't turn a challenge down. So I joined within two weeks and not knowing what to even expect exactly. Why I even joined, he didn't ask me, I just joined and. man within two weeks, three weeks, four weeks started hitting me and I was realizing then like what have I got myself into? What am I doing? I don't belong here and little did I know that I really did belong in this group because it changed my life around. I think my son didn't want to tell me that I was heading down a road that I knew where I was heading. Um mentally and he never wanted to come out and tell me that but I think he knew mom this group is for you He just didn't want to say why? um, but I figured it out quickly that uh, I have some work to to do on myself mentally because I was um Pretty much lost for the last i'd say 20 25 years of my life. I was just a lost soul Living the motions Not happy

Richard:
So we talk a lot about happiness on this and contentment and passion and in like finding purpose, because I think the fulfillment comes through finding your your purpose will purse this a lot of times comes from passion. So we try to find the things that we're passionate about figure out how to make money doing that and then that's a win, right? And I

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
think Apex does that well. And I don't like making the podcast all about Apex, but unfortunately, not unfortunately, it goes that direction a lot because I have gained so much from it. But I would always say, and this is my advice to those of you out there listening, if somebody offers something to you, like, Hey, you should come join my mastermind. To me, I have to look at that. Like when somebody offers you a breath mint, there's a reason.

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
Maybe they're not coming at you and saying your life's a sorted wreck, but. I think you'd benefit from this. So I, you know, I'm glad you're in there. It is an amazing group.

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
Um, I think people get out of it, what they put in. And I'm one of the, we'll call OGs that's been in there a while, um, went through executives and did some of the different levels and have been less involved, more involved through different times, but it's still a network of people that I know, love, and I grow with, and that I do business with daily and just have some great connections through it. So, I mean, I applaud your son for having the, um, wisdom to get you there. So you've worked in, I'll say Pharma

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
for a long time. I think the numbers we were talking about, you had to have started when you were probably like eight or nine. You know, just throwing that out there. But so you've done that for a long time. You had different transitions, COVID brought amongst changes for all of us, good and bad. I think on the technology side of things, we've obviously moved forward tremendously in the past few years. Probably sped up business in that regard a lot. But we also face a lot of challenges in, um, in Apex, a lot of people have side hustles. Um, I

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
feel like this is one of mine, the podcast, the live at full brand. Um, we obviously have our main businesses that we focus on. So tell me a little bit about what all you have going on in your life.

Tracy Read:
Okay, well, you know, when I joined Apex, I have to tell this story because I didn't really go into Apex with any intentions of, you know, even getting my mental health and shape and much less my physical health. But, you know, I got a few coaches and got where I needed to be mentally because I felt like, you know, I can't do anything physically. if I didn't have my mental health there. And so I got all that in shape and got, you know, started working out. And then I was like, one day I was just, I've always, always wanted to own my own business, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. And well, I did know what I wanted to do. I wanted to own, I've always wanted to own a clothing boutique. It's been my dream all my life because I'm a huge clothes fanatic, shoes fanatic, jewelry, whatever. And so, I finally decided one day I want a business and I talked to my son about it and I told him I said I think I'm going to do this. I'm going to open my booth and he's like no mother no. And I was a little kind of taken back because he's an entrepreneur himself not once but twice and he's like no that's not a good idea. You know, he said you need to really think about it. One, because I'm actually on the, I'm coming up on retirement age. You know, I was just, I'm 59 at the time. And, um, uh, he thought mother just really think about it. He said, because, you know, you're wanting to travel all the time. You know, you've got to worry about getting help. You're going to the first two or three years of your business, you're going to be nonstop. You, you know, You can't go and do what you've been saying you want to go do and that's get a bus and go travel If you're going to own a boutique, you you just really need to think about it plus, you know, it's hard to find Good help and you can't really do that when you're in startup business. And so he said I really want you to think about it So I did and then I came back and had another idea and well that didn't it was basically the same thing It was just a different type of retail And uh, he's like no, that's no You need to find a purpose where you can. Solve a need and serve other people. And I was like, oh, wow. So I went back home, prayed for two months nonstop, just praying. God, give me a sign. What am I going to do? I want to do something. I'm bored. I need something. I want to do something. And one day. I was, I don't know how it happened cause I've never seen this guy before in my life on Facebook but his name is Texas 2.0 cop and funny guy. He does videos, you know, he has his business, cop business but he also does funny videos on TikTok and stuff like that. Well, he's also on Facebook and I don't know why that just showed up on my screen one day on Facebook and it was, He literally, you could tell he was crying. And I stopped and listened to his message and he literally said, ladies, please listen to me. He said, I'm begging you. And I could tell he was crying. This is a big old man, bulky, worked out big guy. And he said, I'm begging you to please listen to me. And so I listened to his message and he said, I'm asking you. He said, I'm telling you. He said, I have friends down on the border. I have law enforcement friends on the border. I have custom border patrol friends on the border. And he said, I'm begging you to please whatever you do. I need you to start taking care of yourself and start protecting yourself. And he went on to talk about how his friends at the border. We're literally the. law enforcement officers and the custom border patrols are reaching out to the other police departments and state departments begging them to tell them to start educating women and men for that matter to start protecting themselves because we weren't being told the truth. And he said I'm begging you please whatever you do ladies please start protecting yourself and It clicked with me that day and I'm like, oh my God, there it is. That's, that's what I need to do because I'm a sexual assault supporter. I'm a domestic violence survivor and there's my need. I'm going for it. And then it just happened. I called my coach and told her what I wanted to do and she said, oh my God, this is amazing Tracy. And so, I started out wanting to educate women and teens mostly, and single moms with kids or moms with kids who are traveling or whatever. And I was like, well, how am I going to, I can educate them, but what do I wanna do? And so I thought about stun guns and couvotons and stuff like that. And so, I said I'm gonna open my own business and I went and bought all these stuff to make prototypes, safety wristlets and I spent a month doing that and I didn't like none of it. It was all junk so I boxed it back up and sent it back off and had to rethink myself and wondering is this really where I wanna go? And so. One day my husband said, hey, he said, what about that bracelet that I bought you? We were at a spring car show and there was, he bought me a safety wristlet that had a stun gun, a coupotin and pepper spray and an alarm on it. Well, we bought that, had bought it months and months ago and we bought it and I put it up in my closet and I went back up there and got it and I looked at it and I was like, oh my God, this is called damsel in defense. And so I looked it up online and it's a direct selling association. And so I called Miranda and asked Miranda, Hey, um, can I market myself and still sell, you know, for a damsel in defense? And she said, absolutely. And then I, it just took off. I thought this is for me. This was the best thing for me to do as a side hustle right now, because I can still educate women and have a product. until I could find a need for what I really wanted to do, which is like knives. And so I launched, you know, I did my direct selling association with Damsel in Defense and then I launched Warrior Up, which is my own personal brand.

Richard:
Okay, so we didn't really talk much about this. I knew some of the background on it and knew what you had going on. But I just have to say, so I mentioned earlier, sometimes you have to find your passion to find your purpose. And I think your story just radiates that. I think about like Steve Jobs talking about you have to be passionate about what you're doing because if you're not, most people will quit.

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
So those things that your son scared you on, you know what I mean? I think those apply to people when they're not passionate. And so, because you can overcome all of those obstacles, all of the things that he may have put in your head to try to protect you when

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
you're passionate. Because then

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
those don't become roadblocks, they're speed bumps. You can get over them. But I am as ardent of a second amendment, um, person as you will find. I believe that we have a right to self-defense that is God given, not man given, and that the constitution puts limitations on what government can do.

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
So you're speaking my language. I generally, and people that know me know this, have a firearm within three feet of me, 24 hours a day. And so. because I think every capable and willing person who can train and be proficient with any kind of weapon, say it's the things you've mentioned, or a firearm should, and they have a duty to carry it. Because

Tracy Read:
I completely agree with.

Richard:
to be a good man, you have to be willing to defend others, or woman, that you know a good person. And I feel that my role is as a protector and provider Although my wife and I are very equal in many areas, we own the exact same business separately. We also have different roles in that, but I wanna make sure that she can take care of herself, my kids on the situations when I'm not there. And so you're speaking my language there. I didn't wanna say that. The people who know me know that. It's not something I talk on the podcast as much about, but it goes, I do because it goes in line with We got a bunch of F words we like. We like faith, family, finance, fitness, freedom. Those are kind of my five. It really falls into that freedom thing because what that does, and I don't wanna take away from it because I try to interview guests, not run the show when I'm doing this, but I've heard all the arguments against like gun control and for and against and all of those kinds of things. And I just, shooting stop when another gun shows up. whether it's the police or an individual and armed citizen, good people do good things. And to me, part of living free in a libertarian world that I want is for people to be able to take care of themselves. And to me, that's a huge deal. So I am super passionate about it. That's actually... The last couple of years, I've really discussed going through some of the NRA defensive handgun classes, the, the just different ones for the instructor side. So I could turn around and I don't even care about the money.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
I just want to teach people the things that I've been taught, but also have the credentials to do it. You know, um, because I think even though like Texas now is a license or you as an open carry state, I still believe in having your license for a lot of reasons. But I think that You should be proficient if you're going to carry.

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
Um, you should be proficient in anything that you do, whether you carry a stun gun or a pepper spray or like, you should know how to use it.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
And so I think that you were doing an awesome thing. So tell us a little bit more about. that side of it like what have you what what roadblocks going into something as a somebody changing gears in life, I guess, is so to say, you've had a long career and you're still doing that, but doing something on the side. So we have, you know, our audience is made up of a lot of people who want to do a side hustle, maybe doing one, maybe a solopreneur trying to scale. What is the best piece of advice you could give somebody who might be sitting there, same boat as you, you know, for reinventing themselves? Because I think that successful people reinvent themselves four or five, six times over their life.

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
Because the same message that I'm sharing now, although ubiquitous and should translate over time, may be different in 10 years when I'm pushing 50 versus 40. My audience is different. And so I know that to stay relevant in a world like this, I have to reinvent myself. And it's not that my core values ever change. It just may be, I'm in a different season in my life where things make more sense to do. So tell me a little bit about, tell me what's like the, the piece of advice you would give somebody that's sitting in the same boat you were a few years ago.

Tracy Read:
Well, my first thing that I can tell you is that, you know, I don't, I honestly don't think that I could be doing what I'm doing today if I wasn't mentally in shape. Because a year ago today, I couldn't do what I'm doing today back then. I couldn't. Mentally, you literally have to know what you're doing. You have to know that in your mind. You gotta, I mean, it's so much work. It's literally so much work. I mean, even though it's just my side hustle, I mean, I still have my nine to five, but even though I have my side hustle, it's still so much work, but you also got it. It's not like, I mean, it's, if you're just going into the motions and thinking that you, you know, it's just a motion thing and you don't understand mentally what you're doing. and you're not mentally prepared or physically prepared to go out and do the work that you got to do to make something work as a side hustle. In my in my my case. It's it's very tough to do. And so you got to you got to know that if that's what you want to do, you better go all in and be prepared and be prepared mentally. And when I say mentally in this in this capacity for me, for for warrior up in Um, you know, when I first got into it, Richard, I thought, oh, you know, I have this little thing I can educate women on this, this little wristlet here, you know, and it's great. I can educate women, but also I started realizing that, you know, it's not just about these devices. It's, it's about, are you mentally prepared to hurt somebody? Are you mentally prepared to go and fight? Because if you're not mentally prepared in your mind, these aren't going to do anything for you. And I quickly, quickly learned that after I sat with a Tony Blair, sat in a Tony Blair and Tim Larkin podcast, listening to them, listening to them educate, you know, other people on self-defense. And while I thought self-defense was just carrying a device, that is That's not everything. And so, man, I really had to rethink my thought process. And I thought, I need to educate and just educate, educate, educate. And while I can still educate on this, but I also need to educate your mind, women and young teens, is who would, they were more my focus to get them to understand that, you know, you got to get your mindset right. And when you go out in the public, you got to physically and intentionally be aware of what's going on and start intentionally going out knowing that it could happen to you. And knowing in your mind that it could happen to you, but also you need to know that you're willing to fight and fight to win.

Richard:
Situational awareness

Tracy Read:
Yes.

Richard:
is something that I have preached to my children, to my wife. We have conversations about it. I'm neurodivergent. It's what I like. It's a fancy term for like my ADHD, um, you know, groups, a lot of things in together and my eldest is to, we have vibes. We know when a vibe isn't good. Second, we get there and there have been times my wife's been like, what are you talking about? She's learned to trust me on it. Cause I'm like, something's not good here. Maybe nothing would ever happen, but if we stayed, it could have, we'll never find out cause Richard threw a fit to leave. Um, and at first in our relationship, I didn't know how to voice that as well, but like I've always known if a vibe was off or, you know, intuition, and that is often associated with ADHD, which most people don't know that, that sometimes if they just shut down, there's a reason. Um, and so situational awareness, I think is a huge thing. Watching

Tracy Read:
Love

Richard:
your

Tracy Read:
it.

Richard:
sick, staying frosty, like whatever you want to call it. Like to me, I am very cognizant of which gas pump I pull up to who's around me. What's going on. And that's what I want my kids to learn. I did a podcast a couple of weeks ago about why, because we're really bad as parents and I group everybody in this and it's usually me that's doing it. So I assume others are. Um, but we tell our kids just do it. Cause I said, so trust me on that. And sometimes there is something that you just have to say, trust me on. But I'm getting to a point with my kids as they get older to say, you have to trust me on this, but this is the why. Because I have seen women get killed. raped or abused and when you look at the statistics on sexual abuse among young women the numbers are scary.

Tracy Read:
It's horrendous.

Richard:
It's like one out of three

Tracy Read:
One

Richard:
or one out of four

Tracy Read:
in three.

Richard:
will experience you

Tracy Read:
Yes,

Richard:
know some type

Tracy Read:
one in

Richard:
of sexual

Tracy Read:
three.

Richard:
abuse in their lifetime.

Tracy Read:
And that's

Richard:
I've got

Tracy Read:
literally in your in your circle. I mean,

Richard:
yes that's I've got three girls

Tracy Read:
right.

Richard:
you know and so to me and it's usually somebody they know.

Tracy Read:
Yes.

Richard:
It's not a stranger, it's a friend of a friend or an uncle or a brother of a friend. And so we've always been really cautious where we send our daughters, even for sleepovers, because we may trust certain people, but you don't know the environment they may be in. So I've had to be more conscious of saying, I've sheltered you a lot from the world, which I have. You've gone to private school for the majority of your life. You've been in church. You didn't even know what divorce was until you were like seven or eight. Cause you're like, what are you talking about? They're not married. where they can have kids and they're not married, like shocked some of my kids. And so I've had to be like, you know what? Cause I don't watch the news. I got out of that habit. Let's think Ziegler got me out of that habit a long time ago, but sometimes I have to show her things, my oldest saying, this is why I tell you this, because there

Tracy Read:
Well,

Richard:
are some things you can't undo.

Tracy Read:
that's exactly right. And, you know, first of all, I have to applaud you for you as a husband man doing that for your daughters because I'll tell you this. It you know, my avatar was I wanted to reach single women, you know, realtors who go out and homes by themselves or runners or walkers people on tracks, you know. And then I moved into the single moms that are out shopping with their kids, you know, a kid here and a kid here. But then I was like, once I started getting into it and really started talking to people, I was shocked at the number of men who I asked them, hey, do you educate your wife to protect themselves and watch for situational awareness? Do you ask your wife, hey, do you have something to carry with you? A lot of women don't carry a gun, but. Even this, are you educating your wife or your team daughters when they leave the house? Hey, be safe. Do this. And they I'm not kidding you. Nine out of 10 men told me no. And I was dumbfounded because I was like, oh, my God, I've got to reach these men too, I've got to reach these husbands and tell them that, you know, hey, it starts with you. You need to lead your wife and your or your significant other and your team daughters and especially even your children, Richard, because I've got these books, they're called Heart Defenders, and it teaches young children, just like you said, you don't, I wouldn't let my children go and spend the night anywhere because that's opening them up to something that's in a home that you don't even know nothing about. And so I'm even now reaching down into the educating the younger children because I have these books that teaches them scenarios when they go to a person's house or when they go to the neighbor and this old man is a neighbor who has dogs. And he's like, well, they say, well, mommy won't let me have a dog. And he's like, oh, well, you can come over here every day and feed the dog. No, no. And those are scenarios that I'm helping teach children even at a young age, because our children need to even be educated and understand

Richard:
100%.

Tracy Read:
that they got to be on the lookout. They need to be heart defenders. They also need to be speaking up for kids who can't speak up for themselves.

Richard:
You're

Tracy Read:
And it starts even at that age

Richard:
spot

Tracy Read:
and

Richard:
on.

Tracy Read:
it's, oh my God, it just, it, I was like, it's not just the single women, it's everybody. Men need to educate their children, men specifically need to educate their wives and their especially teen daughters.

Richard:
I think we could go down a rabbit hole with that. And that's why I don't like scripting podcast or having set questions because I don't know where it's going to go. And this wasn't part of my plan, but I think that you see some of that. So I am blessed to have a very strong father-in-law and my father's past, but in he was, but my father-in-law and sealed so much of that into his children, as far as situational awareness. firearms, learning, you know, things like that. So I'm blessed that my wife came with a very good knowledge of things and knew how to shoot and knew how to appropriate gun safety and, you know, I mean, that was just instilled in her. And so it's easy when you have a partner there, but I think so much. And I have a friend that I've been talking to a lot that's a, he's in Alabama and he's doing this father's in the field ministry, basically where he has a buddy who doesn't have a father figure.

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
And he's mentoring him and it's a big national program. Alan West is involved with it. He's wanting me to go with him to a, to a conference like in September. And I'm all for it because I don't know that we'll bring it here. I might it's a big national program, but there are so many men out there who were raised by women who were not

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
taught those things. And I mean that respectfully, I obviously believe in traditional gender roles in many regards, as far as we have kids need their mom. for certain things and kids need their dads for certain things. I wholeheartedly believe that I have less tolerance for certain things than my wife does with the kids. They need that for me and they need her to be there too. And so I believe in a traditional family role in that sense, because not having a father figure leads to incarceration. I know it sounds crazy, but when you look at the statistics, it's not race, it's not socioeconomic, it's not any of the factors we usually want to focus on. It's the lack of a father figure in a young man's life.

Tracy Read:
Absolutely.

Richard:
And so

Tracy Read:
Completely.

Richard:
to me, we have to stand in the gap for those that don't have that. And it goes back, and I've done podcasts on toxic masculinity because I think toxic masculinity is the absence of masculinity.

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
because true masculine energy is a protector and a provider. To be a good man you have to be dangerous, but keep it in check. To quote Jordan Peterson, you can't be incapable of it. You know, and so yeah you're speaking my language there, especially being a father of girls, and my son, I speak to him differently about it because I know my girls are capable, and don't get me wrong, I, but I even at a young age I'm like if something happens to me, You know, and I need you to understand that that your sisters will lean on you. Your mom will lean on you and you have to be able to have that on your shoulders. And he's five. So he doesn't totally get that, but I'm having those conversations with him because I want him to understand me planting the seeds of that.

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
But I tell my girls, they can do anything. You don't need a man around necessarily, you know, and, and I truly believe that that they are, they'll be strong independent women and I want them to be. But there is so much to be said with what you're talking about. We have to educate people. Um, and that's part of what I try to do with the podcast is have that education on, as you mentioned, mental health being a big thing, this all started with live at full because I was in a bad spot.

Tracy Read:
Really?

Richard:
We always talk about the peaks and the valleys. I was in a valley when we, when we went full force on making this happen. It was, you know, and if you go back and listen to my story, listening to our podcast or read the blogs, I was in a bad spot after my dad died cause I didn't expect it and he was kind of the man in my life I thought would never die.

Tracy Read:
What?

Richard:
and saw him one night, next morning he was gone. Well, he held his hand as he died. And he was 66, I was 33. I had all the symmetry with it because my son was about three months old, and I'm like, what if I have 33 years left?

Tracy Read:
Wow.

Richard:
I wasn't ready for him to be gone. There's things I still need to say to him.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
I wasn't gonna let that happen for mine. You know what I mean? And so to me, we have to have those conversations though. And I think education, but so I was in a bad mental health spot, so that's where I had to go back and say, what are my core values as a person? What are my priorities? We call it our life mantra to live every day to the fullest. It started with God, family, work. then it morphed through the years to faith, family, finance. Fitness, and fitness is, the way I look at it is fitness is divided into three things. It's physical, mental, and financial. They just

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
don't go with the F theme as well, so we just use fitness as a catch-all. But if your faith isn't in the right spot, and maybe not in a bad way, you can be a good person, but if you don't put your relationship with our creator beyond everything, including your spouse, You'll have mental health issues. If

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
you put your kids before your spouse, you're going to have mental health issues. If you, you know, there's just an order to things that we get screwed up a lot. And so that's where I was because I'm from the outside, everybody would have thought I had my stuff together. I had done everything. You know, most people dreamed of by like 33 or 34, but I wasn't happy about things. And I don't think I, and I was a good dad, but I wasn't a great one. And so the last five or six years, I've really focused on making those things happen and not being and take this. Your son warned you, you know, but I want to be on the bus now with the kids and not trying to wait till I'm 59 or 60 or 61 to make those trips because I've seen too many people, too many family members of mine die after busting their tails and being successful their whole life and never stopping to smell the roses.

Tracy Read:
Yep, absolutely.

Richard:
And so the podcast keeps me honest because there'd be times that I would work too hard, but I'm getting on here and telling people you can do it all. It takes a lot of work, but you can, I would feel like a liar if I didn't do it myself. So part of me doing the podcast is selfish.

Tracy Read:
I love that Richard because you know you talk about mental health and that you know and being honest and I was sitting here thinking you were just talking about you know you know you had a dad and and and your wife had you know a great strong father and I didn't have a father growing up. I didn't have a dad I mean I had a father I didn't have a dad and my dad had you know I see it now, I understand now because I'm healthy and I understand everything that happens and why things happen and generation of curses and all that. And I forgive my dad, even though my dad acted like he loved me, but he didn't show it and he didn't know how to show it. And it devastated me and it, I think that is a lot of the reasons why I was in the mental state that I was. And While I never tried to commit suicide, I wanted to. I thought about it. I didn't wanna live, but I never got to that point that I wasn't an alcoholic. I've held a job all my life. The issues where it affected me mentally was in my marriages because I've been married three times. And I didn't know what father figure was like. And so, Well, I want to say that everything that happened to me because I didn't have a father figure, I used to use that as an excuse. I don't use that as an excuse anymore because I've turned that around myself by getting myself in a mental shape and physical shape. I've had the faith there. I love my faith. I've been faithful until I got attacked in church three years ago. I haven't been back since, but I still practice my faith and worship every day, read my Bible, do all that. I'm just not doing it in the church because I was attacked, but I don't have that faith in my marriage with my husband. And you're right. If you don't have that, it things don't work. They don't, it's, you may have this over here fixed, but if you don't have that and you don't have that faith there and that God in there, it, there's always going to be turmoil.

Richard:
There is, that's the reality of it. And, and I will say this and I'll backtrack a little. So my dad worked shift work my entire childhood. He worked a lot of three to 11. Well, guess what? When you're in school and you get out of school at three, you don't see your dad. I carried that with me for a long time. Even when he died, I spent my entire adult life accumulating things to impress him, which is hilarious because nothing That's not what impressed him. He was a simple guy. You know

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
what I mean? And I tried to show him about the things that I could buy or the things that I had or the house that I was able to get. It took me going to counseling for a few years to work through that, to understand that. My dad gave me everything he could. I thought it wasn't enough at times when I was young. Now I get that it was. But

Tracy Read:
Almost

Richard:
no,

Tracy Read:
like.

Richard:
I was in the same boat. So I get that completely with the, so I'll backtrack even a little bit more. My father-in-law's dad died when he was 20 or 21. He died in a car wreck, basically on his way to go see my wife's brother had just been born. Dad in a car wreck. So he my father-in-law had lost his dad at an early age My dad lost his dad at 17. I Don't know that mine knew how to say I love you or how to say I'm proud of you or hug so I had to cope with the fact that I know he did because people And this would always tell people tell people these things if you hear them or you know them I had people after he died come to me and say your dad was so proud of you Your dad talked about you so much.

Tracy Read:
in

Richard:
And

Tracy Read:
that

Richard:
I

Tracy Read:
crazy.

Richard:
broke down one time and said, I wish he would have told me that once in my life.

Tracy Read:
Yeah, it's almost like because I've said this to myself and I wrote a long story about this after my dad passed away because... My dad loved me in the way that he knew how, but he didn't love me the way I wanted him to.

Richard:
can relate to that.

Tracy Read:
And it's so, I look back now and I'm just like, you know, and now I know that, you know, my dad probably didn't have it. My dad probably had it really hard growing up, you know. He just did not know how to love. He was not. a kind person. But I'll back this up. He wasn't kind to me or my six brothers and sisters. He left my mother when all of us kids were the ages of five to 12, left my mom and married another woman. And then I tried fighting relationships and trying to get something going with him and I could never do it until I met my husband today. And shortly after we married, we ended up uh raising our grandbaby who's Down syndrome. My dad finally had a relationship with me when I met my husband and we started raising our baby with our grandbaby with Down syndrome and it was I don't know if it was because he loved my husband that he finally started you know having something to do with me um but when I we would take the baby over there um just you know something to do and he loved that little girl. And even my family members have said, you know, when she was around him, we all saw a love that we never experienced. It was the craziest thing, but he loved that little girl and you could see it when she was set up in his lap as a baby, two years old, three years old, all the way up until six years old when he died. The man was a different person.

Richard:
Yeah.

Tracy Read:
And you know what, I look back now and I look back and I was like, okay, God, I can live with this because I got to experience what Love I could get through her when I would watch them together And so it kind of just redeemed my you know, I at least had those last years before he passed away Knowing that you know, I see the kind of love he has he just didn't know how to give it to me But he can give it It's very emotional for me because I got to witness that with her.

Richard:
So there's a different end to the story than you thought there could have been in your life and where you go. And I'm glad that you got to experience that. But I think we, we, we all have these things that propel us or make us the way that we are, and I have a saying that if you didn't come from a healthy family, you're in control if one comes from you.

Tracy Read:
That's right.

Richard:
And that's where we have to stand in and educate people and have those conversations. And my kids probably don't understand the significance of how much I tell them I love them and how I am proud of them.

Tracy Read:
Your

Richard:
Because

Tracy Read:
kids will

Richard:
I do

Tracy Read:
love

Richard:
it

Tracy Read:
it.

Richard:
all of the time because I needed that. And

Tracy Read:
They call that the family systems. You're creating your own little family systems now and that will stay with your girls for the rest of their life and

Richard:
Oh,

Tracy Read:
go

Richard:
I'm

Tracy Read:
into

Richard:
setting

Tracy Read:
their

Richard:
the bar

Tracy Read:
own.

Richard:
for them.

Tracy Read:
Absolutely.

Richard:
I am setting the standard in which they will judge men. And the way that I treat my wife is the standard in which my son will treat women.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
And what I allow him to do and not to do when he speaks to her even. Because we kind of joke around because I call her my lady to him because it makes him mad because he thinks that's his lady. I'm like, you can't talk to my lady that way. And I have to relate it not to you can't talk to your mother that way, you can't talk to my wife that way.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
Because there's a different thing. You have one relationship with her, I have another. If I allow you to speak to her that way as my wife, you're disrespecting her.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
You shouldn't disrespect your mother, but you're certainly not going to disrespect my wife. And I think both go hand in hand. Obviously, God said a little bit about honoring your parents, whether you agree with them or not, whether they're good people or not. There's still a way to honor. Doesn't mean you're bowing down and doing whatever they say, but you can honor them. But so I have those conversations. So I'm setting that standard. Whether I saw it as a kid or not,

Tracy Read:
Mm-hmm.

Richard:
I can make that decision because I have to have accountability in that. I played the victim for a while with it.

Tracy Read:
Yeah,

Richard:
And

Tracy Read:
me.

Richard:
there was a moment where I just said, I can't do that anymore. What got me here, I'm good, but I won't ever be great until I do something different. And

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
I'm a big proponent of counseling I talked about on the podcast. I think that everybody should do it I think you have fun one that works for you. I went through a few we were not good matches finally found one That was a good match for me and as a good match for her She would call me out on stuff and be like you're lying to me Which I appreciated immensely because I'd be like you're right. I'm not telling you the truth Because that's not how I felt about something and I would sugarcoat it or no, I'm fine But you're right. I think that if if if anybody listens to this podcast today and gets nothing else out of it other than to be optimal, your mental health has to be there. I think your physical does too, but I think it's really hard. They're so intertwined. It's almost the female male energy of a yin and yang, right? It's that I really so being neurodivergent and I think a lot of people probably have some neurodivergencies that are different from the cultural norm or standard norms. I have a dopamine deficiency. That's one of the biggest issues with people with ADHD is they're constantly trying to find stimulation. And to me, working out releases dopamine. Well, that affects my mental health, but if my mental health's not bad, I don't want to go work out. There's a bad feedback loop there that if you were not intentional with it, you will get into bad cycles.

Tracy Read:
Yes,

Richard:
And I can tell

Tracy Read:
literally.

Richard:
you, my mental health is the worst when I'm eating like crap. when I'm busy and not in control of my schedule, there's a point where I almost break and my wife knows when it's coming. And so I'm fortunate to have a spouse that is honest with me and can say, get your shit together. Because

Tracy Read:
Thank you.

Richard:
we have different personalities and she is... She knows when my cup's about to either be empty or fill up, and you can't do much with either. And so,

Tracy Read:
I love you.

Richard:
it is, it's a huge deal. But I'm excited to have had you on the show. I think that... And I wish Caitlin could have been here today to interview too, because I think that she might have a totally different set of questions for you. Um, female entrepreneurs get treated differently than men. And she relates to things that I just don't know sometimes because we see like life through different lenses. But

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
one piece of advice for life, not necessarily business, but from you to our listeners who are sitting there. And maybe some of them are in the same boat that you've been in. Maybe they're in a domestic abuse situation. Maybe they feel powerless. Maybe they feel stuck. Maybe they've lost their faith. Maybe they've been at a job for 30 years that are just like, I'm kind of done with this. Or maybe they love it, but they want to do something else. What advice would you give that person?

Tracy Read:
I would have to say never lose yourself. Never go out and lose who you are. I did that, I did stuff for so long for other people because I wanted somebody to love me. I did things for people to make them like me and I lost myself. I literally lost my entire self doing for other people because I didn't care about my own self. Never lose yourself.

Richard:
I think that's more powerful than you'll ever know for people.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
And I've spent a lot of time finding who I am. And so I completely understand that because once you figure out what your cause is, what your purpose, what your life is about, then you get it. You don't ever want to lose it after that. And I think sometimes people struggle with that as much as... They don't ever lose themselves because they never found it. They don't

Tracy Read:
Right.

Richard:
know who they are. They don't know where they belong. I noticed on your Facebook you had a quote that I have always used. You said, the meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of that life is to give it away.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
And I think that that is so true because if we don't share these things, if you don't share this story, if I don't share my story, nobody else is going to. And there's going to be somebody out there that grew up in a similar situation that we did. that doesn't understand that they can change the cycle until somebody says you can.

Tracy Read:
And it's never too late.

Richard:
Never.

Tracy Read:
I'm 60 years old, Richard, and it's never too late. I mean, you think, you know, that's, I always think, okay, that's old. I don't have room to start, but I'm like, I have grandbabies that I wanna spend another 20, 30 years with, you know? And 60 is actually young,

Richard:
I

Tracy Read:
you

Richard:
agree.

Tracy Read:
know, if you think about it, because, I mean, I'm actually in the best shape of my life. I mean, mentally, I'm in the best shape of my life. Physically, I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting there. But I'm living the life that I wanted 20, 30 years ago today. And now I know that I will be around a long time for my kids, and it's not too late. And a lot of people think, oh, I'm too old to do that. No,

Richard:
Oh,

Tracy Read:
you're

Richard:
I could

Tracy Read:
not.

Richard:
go through, I could go through the examples. Harrison Ford was a carpenter at age 35 before he got his first acting gig. Oprah was like 40 before she ever hit anything big. JK Rowland was in her thirties when her first book got published after like 12 of them got declined. You know, Harry Potter wasn't going to get published. People

Tracy Read:
Well,

Richard:
didn't

Tracy Read:
in KFC

Richard:
quit.

Tracy Read:
was what? I think 50

Richard:
Oh, he was

Tracy Read:
or

Richard:
in his

Tracy Read:
60.

Richard:
eighties.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
No, like I think he was like pushing 70s when he actually, when everything went right.

Tracy Read:
Yeah.

Richard:
I mean, and so, I mean, I

Tracy Read:
Never

Richard:
think you have,

Tracy Read:
dislike.

Richard:
it's never, and because you

Tracy Read:
ever.

Richard:
can reinvent yourself, things change. Like there's always going to be something that you can do to be the most elite version of yourself. And that's going to change through

Tracy Read:
like.

Richard:
life. But I'm glad you're doing it because to me, one of the most important things is, and I heard M. Mallat say this, and I say it a lot, but your kids are going to figure you out someday. So your grandkids are going to figure you out when you're sitting there telling them they're sitting in your lap and you're saying you can do anything in the world you want to baby someday, they're going to figure out, well, why didn't you? And so I want to be that example, whether I'm 40 or 80

Tracy Read:
Absolutely.

Richard:
to build my legacy for them and

Tracy Read:
Absolutely.

Richard:
some of that's ego for me. And I'm okay to admit that I want that legacy that they go back. He was the one that changed it once in every seven or eight generations, things change.

Tracy Read:
breaking the generational cursing.

Richard:
100%.

Tracy Read:
Absolutely.

Richard:
I appreciate you being on here.

Tracy Read:
Thank

Richard:
Guys,

Tracy Read:
you.

Richard:
if you like to listen into Tracy, you can find her on social media. I will put her website and all of that info in the links to the show. I appreciate everybody listening. If you got something out of this, go leave us a five star review on Apple, Spotify, wherever you're listening to this podcast, go buy some merchandise at live at full.com. We love you. God bless and continue to live at full.