That Pretentious Book Club

The Woman in White

• Ash O'Rourke • Season 6 • Episode 1

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Welcome to Season 6, Episode 1 of That Pretentious Book Club!

In the first episode of season 6, Spoons, Wheezy, and Gino join The Teacups to discuss ethereal classic mystery The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins. Heralded as one of the first detective novels (despite the absence of any licensed detective), this book ranges from spooky to intensely intriguing, heart-wrenching, and back again. Also up for debate, is Marian Halcombe a feminist icon or a cringe-worthy pick-me girl?

Don't forget to pour yourself a cup of tea, raise a pinky, and join the club for this discussion of The Woman in White!

Reserve your spot at the Story Sirens Studio Fall Writing Retreat now! https://storysirensstudio.com/retreats

Help Ash launch her bookstore!
https://www.ifundwomen.com/projects/story-emporium-bookshop

Support the show with merch and more at storysirensstudio.com!

Find this episode's book and more by shopping at https://bookshop.org/shop/storysirensstudio to support the club AND local bookstores!

Visit us at storysirensstudio.com or find us on social media @thatpretentiousbookclub.

Check out sister podcast The Scripturient Society for writers and join our Story Sirens writing group on Facebook!

Find Space Aliens, Southerners, and Saving the World by Ash Leigh O'Rourke on Amazon.

Support the show

Find this episode's book and more by shopping at https://bookshop.org/shop/storysirensstudio to support the club AND local bookstores!

Visit us at storysirensstudio.com or find us on social media @thatpretentiousbookclub.

Check out sister podcast The Scripturient Society for writers and join our writing group on Facebook!


Find Space Aliens, Southerners, and Saving the World by Ash Leigh O'Rourke on Amazon.

Spoons:

He's like, my other skills include helping random women I know nothing about in the middle of the night. Beating asses.

Wheezy:

Pining for engaged women. Beating asses. That was surprising. Every time he was like, I can't wait to kick their ass. I was like, maybe you're kind of hot. Hello everyone and welcome back to That Pretentious Book Club.

Gino:

hoo

Wheezy:

Yay.

Spoons:

Club members.

Wheezy:

Lady men.

Spoons:

Ladies.

Wheezy:

Club members.

Gino:

Ladies in the house.

Wheezy:

Country ladies. Ladies in the asylum. Ladies outside of the asylum.

Spoons:

Everybody get in here. Evil counts. Let's all get in here. Except

Wheezy:

for that one guy that I work with. He's not invited'cause I really don't like him anyways. I was going to introduce Dr. Spoons Palermo, but you can call her Kendall Shaw, but I would rather you actually called her Dr. Spoons Palermo. So I don't really know what I'm saying.

Spoons:

Well, my thing Dle in and over there

Wheezy:

is, uh, Gino,

Gino:

Ni hao

Wheezy:

oh look, she did it. I think that's a total of three times now. That's fantastic. Nice. And I am Ash O'Rourke. But you can call me Wheezy. Apparently beige is my new color. Do you like how my whole background is the color of my sweater.

Spoons:

Have like a

Gino:

She's beige.

Spoons:

We're color grading. You know, it's like you're doing twilight, but it's all

Wheezy:

I am,

Spoons:

of all blue. Like you're,

Wheezy:

it's all beige. I'm a

Gino:

You're just trying to contrast me in my bright orange. You are like, we need to tone it down a bit.

Wheezy:

me now. I'm gone completely

Gino:

Where did she go?

Spoons:

Oh my God. I can't do that.

Gino:

Whoa.

Spoons:

Like

Wheezy:

Oh my gosh. That's a very Riley core of you.

Spoons:

Oh my god.

Wheezy:

Anyways, Gino, let's start with how's your week? Because, uh, spoons and I went on a trip and so I have a feeling that ours might overlap somewhat. So spoons was like, actually I was never gonna talk about that again. I'm, I'm gonna unlive that.

Spoons:

yeah. That was great.

Wheezy:

right. Yeah. we really need to talk

Spoons:

Oh

Wheezy:

camera.

Spoons:

No way.

Wheezy:

It's a

Spoons:

Yes, Gino?

Gino:

Oh goodness.

Wheezy:

how have you been? What's been

Gino:

Well, I was thinking, I was thinking earlier, I was like, what am I gonna talk about today? And I was like, well, honestly, birds.

Spoons:

birds.

Gino:

it's, it's much better bird news than the last episode.

Wheezy:

That's what a relief.

Gino:

I am gonna say there were still some more deaths, but I honestly don't, it all blurred so much together with how much happened last time. I don't know what I mentioned and what I didn't, so we're not gonna mention any more of them. But I had baby ducklings born this week, seven of them. Yeah, seven of them.

Wheezy:

They're'Em so

Gino:

I know,

Wheezy:

slap, slap of their little feet. gosh.

Gino:

one of them is for, actually two of them are for sure Meatloaf's babies, um, because her eggs are different color than the other one. So I, they're like a greenish, so I can tell they're hers. So they're being named pumpkin Loaf and Spice Loaf meat Loafs Babies.

Wheezy:

That's really

Gino:

And then one of the other ducklings is Susan. And then other than that, they don't have names yet,

Wheezy:

Should name one of them, Sean.

Spoons:

yeah.

Wheezy:

I think Sean is just a really good pet name.

Gino:

Brody was put in the mix, so

Spoons:

Dude,

Wheezy:

That's really good. Too

Spoons:

They're like some SoCal guys, man. Like,

Gino:

hang tight,

Wheezy:

real. Oh my

Gino:

hang loose. It's,

Spoons:

bro? Dude. Like.

Gino:

one of my high school friends that I haven't seen in I think like two years actually. She was over the other day and I was like, I gotta feed the chickens and the ducks and stuff. And so she's like, well, I'll just follow you. And so she followed me around the arc, my routine, my morning and evening routine with the birds is about 30 minutes long.

Wheezy:

I get that.

Gino:

and so she was like, follow me around as I did this. And halfway through she goes. Our lives are so different from each other.

Wheezy:

Oh my gosh.

Gino:

I was just like, you know what? My life's probably very different from most peoples. Um,

Wheezy:

Remember when

Gino:

but I know I, what a photo came up. I was gonna send it to you the other day of the first like store-bought little chicken coop I got from my first six chickens. It was like memory and it was like the only thing in my yard with those six chickens. I was like, oh yeah, back. Remember then when I didn't have, I think I have over 70 birds right now again. But most of them are like babies.

Wheezy:

That's

Gino:

20 more, I bought 20 more meat birds the other day. Oh. I bought I had to buy three baby chickens from the store to give to the mama. That wouldn't stop being broody. And she's the cutest, she's so happy with her baby chickens. Like she's taking'em all around and protecting them and showing them how to find food and stuff. And they're so cute together.

Wheezy:

precious. She's what a good chicken mama.

Spoons:

good.

Gino:

I know.

Wheezy:

They're so

Gino:

And, other than that, I've been running a lot, against my, against my will, but also because I did it to myself. Um.

Wheezy:

I know I keep seeing your updates on social media that you're running and every time I'm like, God, I'm glad I'm not her. Every time

Gino:

But I use it to listen to, I used it to listen to this book, which I feel like I've been listening to my whole life, to be honest and not like, oh, it resonates with me in the way of like, it never ended.

Spoons:

hours

Gino:

going on forever.

Wheezy:

long.

Gino:

I know.

Wheezy:

It is 25 hours, this audio book. Oh my goodness. I was like, and we're just gonna up the speed to 1.5. And I was like, and we're just gonna keep on bringing the speed up because this is taking forever.

Spoons:

I was at 1.8, but I think that's, I base everything

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

when we did Tiger's Curse, I had it on like 2.3 at the very end there.'cause I still had,

Gino:

my lord.

Wheezy:

That's crazy.

Spoons:

you know, I say

Wheezy:

That's that. That says something. Yeah. I've been trying to listen to my classic Slower because they're harder for me to understand. So this time I was like, this really feels like a gamble. I might have no idea what this book is about.

Gino:

That's, that's funny because I, for the longest time, I never understood how anyone could listen to books a faster than just like one, you know, what they're read at. And then

Wheezy:

I can't actually

Gino:

I.

Wheezy:

to things at one.

Gino:

Really, that's all I ever listened to. And then I listened to a book at like 1.5 and it was a scientific book, like literally it was about sharks.

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Gino:

and I realized I could listen to anything that was not anything nonfiction at a fast speed. I could do 1.5 or two and I comprehend it. But if it's fiction, I like to like relish in the descriptions and the way people like talk and everything. So I like, I don't like it going fast if it's fiction because I like to picture the scenes and everything.

Spoons:

that. That

Wheezy:

To me. When they read at a normal pace, I don't know if it's'cause I, my brain goes faster or my mouth goes faster, but to me it sounds like they're talking in slow motion and it's just at one. But that's what it sounds like to me. So it drives me crazy. I'm like, you don't even sound like a person up by, by at least 0.2. And I'm like, okay, we're approaching like normal speeds.

Spoons:

default for audiobook is 1.3. I can't listen to it any slower than that or else I'm like, hurry it up. Like okay, I get it. I feel like they

Wheezy:

I know. You're like, let's get there.

Spoons:

but I'm gonna try,

Wheezy:

I do too. Oh my God. The kitty cats are

Gino:

the cats,

Wheezy:

this on YouTube, you can enjoy the cutest little kitty cats you've ever seen.

Spoons:

menace'cause

Wheezy:

Oh

Gino:

my gosh.

Spoons:

outside and try and get in or inside. So there might just be cat interruptions everyone. I'm so sorry,

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

but at least they're cute.

Gino:

It's amazing.

Wheezy:

okay. It's worth it. Yeah.

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

and Caler. Juer and caler.

Spoons:

I know.

Wheezy:

Cute.

Spoons:

They're both little demons is what it is. Fire, demon, and regular demon.

Gino:

So, uh, spoons, what's up with your life in this, uh, amazing adventure Y'all went on

Spoons:

all

Gino:

or don't talk about it. I dunno.

Spoons:

Well, I'm basically friend breaking up with Ash right after this, so, no, I was kidding.

Wheezy:

What? No, I was taking a thinking about this. It just, it took me a second to process your words and I was like, wait a minute.

Gino:

Don't worry. She just said friend. Breaking up professionally, she'll still be here.

Spoons:

you know, any other way? No,

Wheezy:

Hello. Thought we were gonna save that for off camera. We did share a bed all weekend, so there was only one bed. What

Gino:

Mm.

Wheezy:

were supposed to do

Gino:

That pretentious book club after dark.

Wheezy:

after dark. Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

the for how much? What We like flirt with each other jokingly. I'm always like worried people are gonna be like, aren't they cousins? I'm like, like, not really. Like, like we're

Gino:

Lovers.

Spoons:

lovers.

Gino:

Lovers.

Spoons:

not cousins. Second of all, we're not

Wheezy:

I mean, doesn't it really show you though? Yeah, it's technically both. Yes, this is

Gino:

They're lovers.

Wheezy:

the cousin lovers haunt us, man. No, but like, it really show how far we've come as a society, that you're not worried that people think that we're lesbian. You're worried that they think that we're cousins.

Spoons:

for that. But also bad. You know, there's lots of aspects to that. Like I'm, it's a

Wheezy:

a mixed bag.

Spoons:

but,

Wheezy:

my goodness.

Spoons:

we had a lot of fun.

Wheezy:

I do love, I do love to flirt with my girlies.

Spoons:

with people.

Wheezy:

I'm a big old girly flirt.

Spoons:

And

Wheezy:

is.

Spoons:

are a flirt.

Wheezy:

I

Spoons:

it. It's so funny.

Wheezy:

only with girls,

Spoons:

a man shows up and you're like, Ew.

Gino:

I am the exact opposite. Not, not, not the, with girls thing. Just that.

Spoons:

You are

Gino:

don't ew. Go away to everyone. Yeah,

Wheezy:

like, no, I, men,

Gino:

know.

Wheezy:

With men, my immediate instinct is like, like really mean look. And then maybe a growl if they get too close. But with girls I'm like, oh my God, you are like so pretty.

Spoons:

you are gorgeous.

Wheezy:

No, you are gorgeous. Like, hey, do you wanna go like have a sleepover somewhere where there's only one bed and we just, we have to share it'cause there's just one bed.

Spoons:

would love to

Gino:

I see what

Wheezy:

how I

Gino:

happened.

Wheezy:

Kendall to go hang out with me all weekend.

Spoons:

Yeah. That's

Wheezy:

There are pictures of us drinking wine in bathrobes on this bed. It was fantastic.

Spoons:

We went to this very, very cute little like bot boutique hotel.

Wheezy:

Bradford House in Oklahoma City. If you ever go to Oklahoma City, this is the place to stay.

Spoons:

cute. It's like

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

and it's like three stories and, uh, there's like a gorgeous like restaurant and little bar and they have like a cafe and like, it's very, very cute. And so we had like the best time ever and it was so

Wheezy:

it's adorable.

Spoons:

even have like a, you know, like restaurants have like Michelin stars. They have a hotel one. We were like, what? This is

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Spoons:

And so

Wheezy:

it's called like a key or something I think. I don't know, like a Michelin key or something. I dunno. But they have, yeah, they have. And it's not surprising at all. It's amazing. So we got room service because they were events going on all weekend at the hotel, so we were like, we actually don't want to even try and get down there.

Spoons:

So we like, were really bougie

Wheezy:

a kind of, was kind of crazy.

Spoons:

going on, but

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

it was like,

Gino:

oh yeah.

Spoons:

yeah,

Wheezy:

because I was last, was last week, the weekend before last. There were floods everywhere. And then I was like, what has happened? Like we went into this amazing bookstore, which also shout out to full Circle books if you're ever in Oklahoma City. The coolest bookstore. I love it. I think I've decided in my own bookstore with, if you guys haven't Heard From Everywhere, I'm opening my own bookstore and it's very

Gino:

What?

Wheezy:

But I think that what, this is the first I've ever heard of this. I do wanna get like a map of the United States and put on the wall, and I wanna like put like a, um, my favorite independent bookstores in every state that

Gino:

Oh, that's so cute.

Wheezy:

be like, oh, I'm gonna travel to, you know, Wisconsin, you know where Gino's from, and then

Gino:

Wisconsin. It's Alaska. Don't tell the, oh shoot.

Spoons:

Oh man. Dang it. Yeah. That's a cute idea, Ash. Oh my gosh. You

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

do that.

Wheezy:

Yeah. So Full Circle books and hit me up for any other

Spoons:

Oh,

Wheezy:

of, what,

Spoons:

for you, but just gonna

Wheezy:

what was I doing?

Spoons:

of,

Wheezy:

Oh, I was

Gino:

She was doing lots of, oh, oh. How is she doing?

Spoons:

at that bookstore and then

Wheezy:

It was, I'm sure it was obnoxious too.

Gino:

I was like, was she just harassing the proprietor?

Wheezy:

No, I was harassing Kendall.

Spoons:

so here's what I'm thinking for my bookstore, like every place we went, I was loving it. It was just so fun

Wheezy:

Literally.

Spoons:

I was like, what about this? And it's

Wheezy:

She's so sweet to say that.

Spoons:

like all these different like

Wheezy:

I,

Spoons:

candles and like little cute

Wheezy:

I'm trying, I keep, I've been looking, trying to find the brand that made those crazy ones. There's one that it says, what, what was the candle called? Something like Mr. Rochester's house or something.

Spoons:

had like different I don't remember what it's called, but this one was, yeah, Mr. Rochester. And it was like the ruins of Mr. Rochester's burned down home and like the flame is like right in where the,

Wheezy:

And the wick of the candle is in the middle of the burning

Gino:

Oh my gosh.

Wheezy:

That was really cool.

Spoons:

different ones, like Great Gatsby and Anine Gables and stuff. It was so fun. And, but then

Wheezy:

really cool ones. It was really, really cool.

Spoons:

Riley Ru and then, but then when

Wheezy:

Yeah. And it's like, this is not how I'm gonna do my kid's section. No shade. Full circle books. But y'all are brave. Y'all got a ladder in that kid section?

Spoons:

7-year-old

Gino:

Oh,

Wheezy:

with my kid. Nope. And then I was, and then I heard thump and they jumped off like the eighth rung and I was like, yeah, nope, I don't have that. I was literally like, I wonder what the liability insurance is like. Like

Gino:

it's like the kids' room at my big store is gonna be a padded room.

Wheezy:

yeah, for real, honestly. Honestly, everything's foam mattel's soft. I'm tired of my child injuring himself. I just assume they're all like that.

Spoons:

can go and just

Gino:

are.

Spoons:

hang out, you know? Like not Absolutely.

Wheezy:

Yeah. I did go see, not to just derail and be like, oh, about my bookstore, but of course that's what I'm gonna do because my brain can only handle like three topics at once, and this is one of them right now.

Spoons:

We've got

Wheezy:

I did.

Spoons:

got nothing. So you've got the most exciting thing. Probably. So

Wheezy:

You have looking like an adorable pirate wave.

Spoons:

fight behind me at all times.

Gino:

I, I'm just watching Kaper,

Spoons:

is a menace.

Gino:

there's,

Wheezy:

like Lion King drama going on behind spoons right now. Just so you guys can picture this if you're listening on audio,

Gino:

I am king of the table.

Spoons:

is the B plot going on.

Wheezy:

it's so cute.

Spoons:

Calm down. I don't know what you want.

Wheezy:

They're like, love to be the most important cat.

Spoons:

are you?

Wheezy:

they just wanna have the option to get out.

Spoons:

like

Gino:

Same

Spoons:

you're being so annoying. Cal. Okay. Okay. I'm so sorry. Your book story.

Wheezy:

You're so nice. But you're being so annoying. Cal. Oh, I went to go see, I went to go see this location this morning. And it is gorgeous and the owner seems to really like the idea and uh, so I started negotiations. So the owner, and it's looking like this might be the bookshop, so. Super exciting. So I'll have more details for you guys soon and if you wanna support me, you can On i fund women.com, there is a link to my crowdfunding campaign and oh, this will be a good time to drop something that's even more fun specifically

Gino:

What jaw. Which jaw? Which jaw?

Wheezy:

Because Gino is amazing at events, and if you guys haven't heard, she is the Placeless blonde, which is an event planning a thing of a jig. And she, she pretty much does all of our retreats too. So she's, this is her thing and she was like, how about, because I love you so much, Ash. I'm going to come up with some cool ideas to fundraise for the bookstore. And I was like, that's amazing. You're an angels then from heaven. She was like, how about a read-a-thon? Which I was like, I don't know how those work at all, but I like to read and I like to, I like to raise money from my bookstore, so So we're gonna do a read-a-thon

Gino:

So what that means for y'all is one, we're doing a read-a-thon. That's gonna be a competition between all of Us Podcast ladies as Tory Siren Studio. So if you don't listen to,

Wheezy:

to be on our teams pick my team. I think we're gonna be the no tail felines is currently what I'm thinking. I will take name suggestions.

Spoons:

cat your mascot? She's such a traitor.

Wheezy:

I just love that she has no tail Juicy,

Gino:

so yeah, you'll get to pick which team you support. We, we still have to come up with our team names and, um, and if you have listened to previous episodes on here or if you listen to the Script Society, um, she hasn't officially agreed to it yet, but, um, Catherine Carissa is gonna be part of this as well. Um, she's guested on this one as well. So between the four of us, between the four of us, you get to pick a team and we're gonna have all sorts of fun stuff going on and you're going to read and, one of us is gonna win and be crowned the ultimate amazing one. And the rest of us are gonna have to write some sort of poem to their praise or something that we're gonna read out on

Wheezy:

Yes. Excellent.

Gino:

And social medias.

Wheezy:

talk. It's gonna be

Gino:

Oh yeah.

Wheezy:

Talk

Gino:

Oh yeah.

Wheezy:

So highly encouraged. We do not want

Gino:

But

Wheezy:

we don't want good sports here. We want bad sports only.

Spoons:

only. Okay.

Wheezy:

Yeah. And whoever, whichever team

Gino:

that's.

Wheezy:

wins and all of the winners on the winning team will get something cool and they might get an option to like be put into like a drawing for something even cooler. We're talking about other cool things so everyone can have fun and feel like they get something awesome out of it. It's gonna be awesome. And you'll be supporting an independent bookstore. Wouldn't you

Gino:

So, uh, stay tuned on our socials and website and more details. We'll be coming about that shortly because we're gonna start it on August 1st. So keep an eye out.

Wheezy:

yeah. Two weeks. And I guess,'cause also this is promo corner. We also have a couple spots left for the fall riding retreat. So if you're thinking about it, we have a few spots left and that's it. So would love to get it totally filled up to the tippy top.

Gino:

Oh yeah. And 20 minutes late if you don't wanna hear any of this. Look to the skip notes.

Spoons:

if

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Spoons:

like, you know, it's like, I'm sorry, this,

Wheezy:

it's, I feel like it's only the Episode. They're the ones who are confused. Everyone else

Spoons:

You know, just be ready. So

Gino:

also, I'm,

Wheezy:

it's, it's been bothering me like that we do, we not like have like a name for like the listener. We just say the listeners. But like, is it the club members? Is it like, what do you

Gino:

Teapots.

Wheezy:

Oh, that's cute.

Spoons:

what

Wheezy:

teapots, the teapot

Gino:

Just

Wheezy:

Maybe not the teapots,

Gino:

some of them maybe.

Wheezy:

the tea

Gino:

I dunno.

Wheezy:

I don't

Gino:

I dunno. What do you send us? Send us a message. I'll

Wheezy:

pretentious just did like,

Gino:

get in our dms,

Wheezy:

just the pretentious and then it's just like as like a No,

Spoons:

it's a capital

Gino:

huh? Maybe.

Wheezy:

pretentious, like yeah, a capital P like for the whole group.

Spoons:

I love that.

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

just close the door,

Wheezy:

They're really sweet. Patience and patient tolerable listeners.

Spoons:

they could be dear listeners

Wheezy:

ideas, we'll, we'll take ideas dear listeners. We do say that. Well, mostly you say that'cause you're cute.

Spoons:

him you know, what does Jane say? Anyway, what year was Jane Air out?

Wheezy:

Something like that.

Spoons:

because I was thinking about this and I was like, are these contemporaries? Yes,

Wheezy:

Oh, Willie Collins, the author of today's book, which we're discussing, the Woman in White today, in case anyone was wondering

Gino:

The woman in white.

Wheezy:

White, you may ask. Oh, well you

Gino:

It's a 26.

Spoons:

It's very long.

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. very long. And And who, who You may ask suggested that we read this book Of the three of us. Hmm.

Spoons:

Oh, it was me.

Wheezy:

I wonder who it was.

Gino:

It was this one. Oh, Levi, it's Levi.

Spoons:

Well, of course it was me.

Wheezy:

Yeah, it was spoons.

Spoons:

explain during

Wheezy:

Well, of course

Spoons:

I guess I'll explain.

Gino:

That's okay.'cause I have things to say.

Wheezy:

I also do, it was really long, but it was, it was good. And also, so just that for context, minus 671 pages long.

Gino:

Good Gord.

Wheezy:

That's a lot.

Gino:

I'm glad we did this before the read-a-thon because I would've gotten exactly one book read the month of August.

Spoons:

yeah.

Wheezy:

know.

Spoons:

Yeah. Maybe the goal is

Gino:

I already,

Wheezy:

I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do like a Hank the cow dog binge

Gino:

I was gonna say, I already told,

Spoons:

like,

Gino:

I already told Wheezy. I already told Wheezy I was reading Rainbow Fish.

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm. Sounds good to me. If it counts my

Gino:

I'm gonna,

Wheezy:

like me. I dunno if y'all can see his mouth is wide open to catch all of the spiders in flies.

Spoons:

building a web currently in that mouth.

Wheezy:

Yeah, currently.

Gino:

I'm gonna interrupt your train of thought about the book to talk about our drink since we introduced the book. Um, this, this milk here that I,

Wheezy:

Mine

Gino:

it's not, it's yours is prettier.

Wheezy:

mine's looking milkier now, but it wasn't, mine had like a beautiful, it was like a sort of amber, dark amber with like a little foam line of white on top.

Gino:

Mine just straight up looks like milk. And I don't drink milk and I'm terrified and I haven't tried it yet.

Wheezy:

Exactly. And I did my thing where I like sort of followed the recipe.

Gino:

Shocking.

Wheezy:

Don't you love this thing that we do where I actually don't do it. follow the rules Any week.

Gino:

Oh Lord, Levi just knocked over a glass of water onto everything.

Wheezy:

Levi?

Gino:

water.

Wheezy:

Levi.

Gino:

you thought your cats were gonna be the chaotic ones? Oh,

Spoons:

both just standing outside the door waiting be let in. no, you've already, you've ruined it. Okay.

Gino:

But this this drink is called the White Lady. And it is gin triple sack or orange liqueur, lemon juice and egg white. And I've been so terrified of it because of the egg white, and I don't know why, but I am, and I haven't drank it yet. And also, one more random side comment, if you watch this on YouTube, instead of just listening to it, I have realized that I make weird faces the whole time. Anytime I catch myself and like the video, I'm just like, eh, like, um, so yeah, but

Wheezy:

It'll

Gino:

you already,

Wheezy:

I realize

Gino:

you.

Wheezy:

eyes opens way bigger than the other one, so that's really fun. You'll catch it now if you look, I'm sure if you haven't already noticed. But yeah, mine is very, my drink is, I actually followed everything except I did not have orange liqueur triple sex. So I used current laur, black current liqueur because I thought the black current made it kind of mysterious and dark. And also currents are like, like a more like English fruit. And I love currents. It's pretty decent, I'll say. It does. It has like a kind of like raisin ish taste, which is not my usual, like

Spoons:

Interesting.

Wheezy:

fan, but it's weird.

Gino:

Okay. I am going for it.

Wheezy:

Yeah, I wanna, yours is probably better'cause the orange,

Spoons:

You

Wheezy:

I'm assuming you can't taste the egg white. Egg whites don't have flavor. That's how she looks every time she tries a drink.

Spoons:

it doesn't have Grenadine in it, so she probably hates it.

Gino:

That's exactly the issue.

Wheezy:

That's Is. You're so correct.

Gino:

something's really strong in it, although I did spill the triple sex, so it might be that,

Spoons:

it's that.

Wheezy:

Something's really strong.

Gino:

I don't know. I wouldn't drink it again. I'd give it, um, like one pinky up if that

Wheezy:

I would drink mine again. Maybe it's the current, I don't know. I would totally

Gino:

you.

Wheezy:

again.

Spoons:

yeah.

Wheezy:

like I, like you guys, don't get to see,'cause it's, it's been sitting for a minute. So the egg whites have been like filtering down, but it really was for like a good like 30 minutes, like a really pretty like defined layer of like fluffy egg, egg whites and then like the kind of like dark, I took pictures so I'll post pictures of what it looked like, but it looked pretty

Spoons:

maybe

Wheezy:

mysterious.

Spoons:

little teacups. If you feel like do it.

Wheezy:

Little

Gino:

Oh yeah.

Wheezy:

that's so freaking cute. All you little teacups out there. Oh, does that make us like the mama teapots? Like in Beauty and the beast?

Spoons:

Oh my

Gino:

Yeah.

Spoons:

I'm a little teapot.

Wheezy:

Precious.

Gino:

So yeah, back to Wilke Collins. I have thoughts on him too.

Spoons:

are we doing, should we do first

Wheezy:

first impressions?

Spoons:

Yeah.

Gino:

Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Spoons:

Should I go first and,

Wheezy:

my first impression,

Spoons:

Go ahead.

Wheezy:

I'm the main character here, obviously. It's I thought, wow, cool. I love like a ghostly woman in white, sort of like spooky vibe. And that was my first impression pretty much immediately followed by Holy f. That's a really big book. that was, that was it.

Gino:

Yeah, my first impression was you were like, do you wanna be involved in this?'cause it's a classic and I usually skip those. And I was like, yeah. And then I went out to my library app and it was like, here's the audiobook, it's 26 hours. And I went fudge.

Wheezy:

What did I do?

Spoons:

dang it. I already committed.

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness. Oh,

Gino:

I did literally think about texting back and be like, actually

Wheezy:

actually on second thought I looked at this and No,

Gino:

good.

Wheezy:

insane. And we're also sort of doubling up on recording based on like what we've been doing.'cause we're recording again next week. So I have a whole other book to start that's not short. And I'm excited about it and I think it's gonna feel easier, but

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

we used to do a whole, a whole last book a week,

Spoons:

like this big and then another one

Wheezy:

we did that for a a long time.

Spoons:

It was

Wheezy:

Yeah. It was consistent.

Gino:

Yeah. I don't know. Y'all are crazy.

Wheezy:

I don't know.

Spoons:

days.

Wheezy:

I dunno. Yeah. Yeah. When we were young and crazy.

Spoons:

Well, my first impression was

Gino:

Little whipper snappers.

Spoons:

had seen it in specifically half price books, but also Birds and Noble wherever, like for years and years and always been like, Ooh, I kind of wanna see what that's about.

Wheezy:

you'll see it in my bookstore.

Spoons:

the story emporium. But I was always like. That looks kind of cool, like maybe I'll read that. And then I never did, obviously, but then when we were like, pick a classic

Wheezy:

Your cover's really nice.

Spoons:

I know one because I don't know that I'll read it on on my own, but I always like wanted to read it. So that's why. But I also always thought, Ooh, spooky. Maybe it'll be interesting.

Wheezy:

So is that how you pick classics for us? You're like, I don't wanna actually read it by myself, but maybe if someone else goes on this journey with me, but it's not good enough that I'll read on my own.

Spoons:

it and I'm on my third read, you know, so it's either that or,

Wheezy:

That's true. is so true.

Spoons:

but

Wheezy:

You're either extremely confident about it or you're like, ah, this, this could be fun. I don't know anything about it.

Spoons:

so it wasn't

Wheezy:

That's fun.

Spoons:

I thought it was gonna be.

Wheezy:

Well, you got the really pretty cover and I got mine off thrift books, which I do love, but it's always like hit or miss with like, is there gonna be a cool cover or not? And I got a cover that's not like really cringe, but it's not like really cool.

Gino:

Yeah, your cover's much better than any. I saw spins.

Spoons:

from

Wheezy:

Yeah. Uh, yeah, hers is really pretty. I,

Spoons:

like, Ooh, I want that one.

Wheezy:

it's like a, a silhouette in all white of a woman holding out her beautiful skirts on her dress.

Spoons:

and then at the exact same Half Price Books Trip, I bought The Woman in Black, which is that movie that they made the Daniel Radcliffe forum or that book, they made the Daniel Radcliffe Horror movie out I

Gino:

Yeah.

Spoons:

a book. And so

Wheezy:

that's actually,

Spoons:

time and the

Wheezy:

that's interesting.

Spoons:

of them.

Wheezy:

Did have you read it?

Spoons:

for me. Well, after our other book,

Wheezy:

Hmm.

Spoons:

looked at both of'em and was like just doing the whole set. Huh? I was like, yeah. Yeah, I am. Thank you.

Wheezy:

That is so funny. I'm convinced that like, bookstore employees are either like, the most, like well-spoken bunch you'll ever meet, or they're so awkward they can't hold a conversation with you and they don't really have any interest in trying and they're, I've never met someone who's in the middle. It's like

Gino:

I,

Wheezy:

one or the other.

Gino:

I forgot that, um, that was part of my first impression when you're like the woman in white. I thought of the woman in black because I, that's actually like one of the only horror movies I actually like.

Spoons:

creepy.

Wheezy:

one of the first ones I ever actually wanted to see, and I still haven't seen it, but I always really liked the vibe.

Spoons:

in high school and the movie theater, I was like, oh my God. I had like nightmares about her standing in the corner of my room and then I found out everyone thinks it's not even a good movie, and I was like, well, it made a big impact on me.

Wheezy:

Aw.

Gino:

really I love, like, it's, it's one of my, the only horror movies I actually like, but I saw it in the theater. It was me and my one friend, and then there were two other girls and that's it. That was the whole theater. And like when we were leaving. The other two girls walked out in front of us and we walked out behind them, and my friend threw her popcorn bucket in the trash, and it like, kind of made a bang. And they, the girls in front of us were like, oh my gosh.

Spoons:

They were spooked.

Wheezy:

good.

Spoons:

That's hilarious. Well, I like it too, Gino, so everyone else is wrong. It's we're correct. But

Gino:

Yeah,

Wheezy:

I'll

Gino:

yeah, yeah,

Spoons:

I'll

Gino:

yeah,

Spoons:

I'll read the book and I'll tell you how

Gino:

yeah.

Spoons:

and then we can, maybe we'll read it.

Wheezy:

Oh sweet. Excellent. Sounds great. Okay. Wilkie Collins, uh, Gino, you said you had opinions about him.

Gino:

Oh yeah. But you should probably talk about him first. I had to look him up after like, the first one or two chapters of the book to be like,

Spoons:

what's your deal?

Gino:

Yes, yes, yes. The, the main thing to begin with was like, is this guy super sexist or is this like a joke? I don't understand.

Wheezy:

that was like one

Gino:

I was like,

Wheezy:

I said,

Gino:

I was like, I don't

Spoons:

look it up. So if,

Wheezy:

and the whole book I would kept changing my mind, the

Gino:

the same,

Spoons:

so

Wheezy:

I can't

Gino:

but, but what I looked up, but I looked up was basically the same thing. Like there's very polarized views throughout

Spoons:

Really.

Gino:

research and everything ever. Like half the people are like. He was actually a super feminist because of these things and this and this and the other people are like, nah, man was trash. Like,

Spoons:

I

Wheezy:

Wow.

Spoons:

that actually, because I was

Wheezy:

Well, he has,

Spoons:

I was, couldn't figure it out.

Wheezy:

I, I will say over, just like a brief scan of his bio is enough to be like, what an interesting human this is.

Gino:

well,

Wheezy:

just Wilke Collins, first of all, I want y'all to know that when I Googled Wilke Collins Zodiac sign, like the first hits were Wilke Collins, Zodiac Killer, Wilke Collins Zodiac Serial Killer, and I was like.

Spoons:

Like, I don't

Wheezy:

What, is happening?

Spoons:

the right guy.

Wheezy:

I don't think so. No. Would anyone like to guess what his actual Zodiac sign is?

Spoons:

because I looked it

Gino:

I know what it is.

Spoons:

He's a

Wheezy:

Oh,

Gino:

Yeah,

Wheezy:

he is. He's

Gino:

I knew that

Wheezy:

He

Spoons:

he wasn't really sexist. I guess it depends on what you are thinking at the time, but yeah, I think he's a good writer. So one for the caps, boom.

Wheezy:

Boom. All right. See, so, um, I'm trying to figure, so where is it when he, why can't I find the date where he was

Gino:

I,

Wheezy:

I'll find it.

Gino:

I know that

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

England.

Gino:

24

Spoons:

September

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

1889, right there, right.

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Gino:

so.

Spoons:

the kid died, didn't it?

Wheezy:

His name is

Spoons:

sorry, go ahead.

Wheezy:

of course you relate everything to when to Billy. The kids like life milestones.

Spoons:

20 years before Billy.

Wheezy:

I know it is. You were literally like at the, we were talking about what was it something, and you were like, did you know all this was happening? Billy, the kid was doing X, Y, Z and I was like, oh my God.

Spoons:

oh,

Wheezy:

She's like, isn't that crazy? And I was like, yes.

Spoons:

na, the Cowboy Museum, I also was like, Ash, this is when a woman in white was written. And you're like, okay. Like it was like some gun or

Wheezy:

for real. You were like, this was happening at the same time? Yeah, like, or like shoes. I think it was like moccasins. We were looking at moccasins and you were like, they were wearing these when Wilkie wrote this book. And I was like, wow.

Spoons:

well my,

Wheezy:

it was cool. It is cool to like,'cause you definitely, I definitely separate them in my head. Yeah. It is interesting to remember like this was all happening at the same time.

Spoons:

child was wearing those cool ass moccasins while Wilkie was over here. Maybe being sexist. You know, it's very interesting. Like

Wheezy:

Being being who knows, being questionable.

Gino:

not. What I do know he was doing was being friends with Dickens, though. So

Wheezy:

he,

Gino:

yeah, he was like,

Wheezy:

was a bad influence. I'm convinced maybe he was the bad influence

Spoons:

liked

Wheezy:

Dickens.

Gino:

was,

Spoons:

Dickens, it seems like he didn't like a lot of people back. So I'm kind of like, that's so fun that they were friends.

Wheezy:

I wonder why.

Spoons:

But you can kind of tell

Wheezy:

Well, I'm just saying that

Spoons:

think there's an influence.

Wheezy:

Willie had long-term relationships with two women that he wasn't officially married, but basically polyamorous situation

Gino:

mean, haven't we all,

Spoons:

okay. Wilkie.

Wheezy:

mean, what do y'all think this podcast is?

Spoons:

A rele like, oh,

Wheezy:

Yeah. Well and in, in case anyone was wondering'cause I had been. Wilkie is a nickname for Williams is, or William. His name is William Collins.

Gino:

Was not wondering. I just 100% thought Wilkie was his name.

Spoons:

Like, I don't know, some

Wheezy:

Wilke, I thought Wilke Iss a really cute little nickname.

Spoons:

that.

Wheezy:

Well, it's so much better than like Bill or Billy for William

Spoons:

Billy's disgusting.

Wheezy:

What if it was Wilke the Kid instead of Billy the kid?

Spoons:

Stop it. Don't threaten me with a good

Wheezy:

Wilky the kid. Is that of Billy the kid? Adorable Little Wilkie. Only his mom called him Wilkie. Just everyone else called him Billy.'cause I didn't understand them.

Spoons:

Canon accepted,

Wheezy:

mm-hmm.

Spoons:

I

Wheezy:

You're so welcome for that.

Spoons:

One of the things that was like, okay, yeah, I can see the Dickens correlation. is very good at naming characters. I think all these names were excellent. I was like, and Dickens is good at it too. And really in like Count Foco, I was like, now this is a character. You know, like we got a character on our hands.

Wheezy:

he was a character.

Gino:

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Wheezy:

Also, uh, what was his name? Because I only'cause I mostly listen to the audiobook. Is it Pesca or, or Pascal. What was,

Gino:

Pesca,

Wheezy:

Italian?

Spoons:

I loved

Gino:

Pesca

Wheezy:

Yeah, him too. I was like, I like him.

Gino:

Beach.

Wheezy:

And here's one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. So just to bring it back to Wilkie, so I'm trying to tell you guys a little bit about his early life. Um, just during his lifetime, he wrote more than 30 books mo over a hundred articles, short stories, essays, and a dozen or more plays. I can see that for him. This is a quote from Wilke collins.info, which is, he lived in unconventional bohemian lifestyle, loved good food and wine to excess, wore flamboyant clothes, traveled abroad frequently, formed two long-term relationships with women, but married neither, and took vast quantities of opium over many years to relieve the symptoms of ill health. Of course, I might be editorializing this quote a little bit, but

Gino:

I mean, who hasn't again?

Spoons:

us. You know?

Wheezy:

you're like, and, and,

Spoons:

That's crazy.

Wheezy:

Let's see. And he, so he traveled around even from like a young age like France and Italy and such, but of course was born in England. Uh, he went to boarding school in England and it was there that quote, he began his career as a storyteller to appease the dormitory bully. That's never been said. What the bully's like, I'm gonna steal your lunch money unless you tell me a really good story.

Spoons:

That's

Gino:

love this bully.

Wheezy:

I'm like, what kind of, what is this? later he recalled, I don't know, apparently this is Wilkes quote about it was, it was this bru who first awakened in me, his poor little victim, a power of which, but for him, I might never have been aware. just, I don't know. I don't think Wilke and I would've been friends, you know,

Spoons:

just

Wheezy:

I just,

Gino:

I mean, as soon as, as soon as I knew he was friends with Dickens, I was like, yeah, Weezys not gonna

Spoons:

It's,

Wheezy:

Sure enough, and I didn't even know. But yeah, you're right. I wouldn't, like, I wouldn't have liked either of'em.

Gino:

Exactly.

Wheezy:

I already didn't like em, but it just makes sense. Just all the pieces fit together. Oh. So he was a very tiny little dude. He was only five feet, six inches tall, but with a, with quote, disproportionately large head and shoulders and very small hands and feet. He's just a funny, cute

Gino:

okay.

Wheezy:

And he had glasses. He was just a cute little nerdy boy. Just a cute little goober. And apparently still doing really well with the women. I mean,

Spoons:

he has his little stories to

Wheezy:

that's, well, when you are really good at telling stories, yeah. You can fend off bullies. Attract women may never let somebody underestimate the power of storytelling, of delusions.

Spoons:

so hard.

Wheezy:

Let's see. It was so hard in 1841, he left school and was apprenticed to the T merchants or to to t merchants, whose names I don't wanna pronounce. God, he's so dramatic. The place was in the strand and he referred to working for them as quote the prison on the strand. mean, come Wilke. You're fine.

Spoons:

workhouses

Wheezy:

God.

Spoons:

You can deal with this.

Wheezy:

Yeah, exactly. What the heck? Anyways, he's, he's actually most well known for the Moonstone, which is a novel that came out in 1868 and is considered like one of the first detective novels. But the Woman in White is another one that he's well known for. And I also felt like this kind of had like, detective novel vibes.

Spoons:

I

Wheezy:

he also wrote No Name and Armadale, but I, I've never heard of those.

Spoons:

on shelves a lot. When I was looking for a physical copy of this one, it had to go to like two half prices. I was like, oh, maybe I'll read the moonstone. Yeah. I was seeing,

Wheezy:

is interesting. So according to Wilkie

Spoons:

ahead, go ahead.

Gino:

Can you hear him? Yeah. It's Levi.

Spoons:

him.

Gino:

I don't know why he's

Spoons:

baby.

Gino:

his mind.

Wheezy:

this

Gino:

he's outside the door.

Wheezy:

specifically. So the supposedly how in the novel that we're about to discuss the character, Walter Hart Wright, sort of the main character meets this mysterious woman and Wright. In, in Right in White is said to have been inspired by a real life meeting that Wilkie had when he was strolling home. In 1858, him and his brother, and they ran into this painter, woman whose name I can't pronounce. And basically they said that quote, they were accosted by a woman dressed in flowing white robes, escaping from a villa in Regents Park, where she had been kept prisoner under Mez Mesmeric influence. The real life woman in White was Carolyn Graves, who probably met Wilkie that spring. She was a widow originally from Lauer. I don't know if I said that correctly. And had a young daughter named Harriet Elizabeth, usually known as Carrie, Carolyn, and Wilkie, never married, but lived together, uh, for the be, for the be Better part of 30 years. But had then, I know like what, but also this makes sense to me that I thought he was kind of in love with Spoiler. I feel like he's kind of in love with both sisters.

Spoons:

yeah.

Wheezy:

1864, Wilkie met the other woman in his life, Martha Rudd, near her home in Winterton, where she may have come to work as a maid in his mother's house. Let's see. Ooh, gross. Wilkie had turned 40 while Martha was just 19.

Spoons:

That's like Sir Percy stuff.

Wheezy:

Oh my gosh. To give their liaison a degree of respectability, they did not marry, but they assumed the identities of Mr. And Mrs. William Dawson, the name given to the three children they had together. Marian Harriet and Charlie Marian,

Gino:

Is this just his whole story, this book

Spoons:

or he named his daughter after his character. I wanna know.

Wheezy:

I think daughter after character,

Spoons:

I have a lot of thoughts on Marian as well. Thank you.

Wheezy:

but apparent. But so Carolyn, the, the first one, the, the, the act, the woman in white inspiration in wait, what year is it? In 1868, she married somebody else. So they're, no, they don't know why. They don't know if she gave her an ultimatum, like drop the other hussy or like actually marry me or what it was. But they officially split and she married somebody else. And Carrie and Frank Beard were the witnesses. While Wilkie cones was himself present at this ceremony of Carolyn marrying this other dude

Spoons:

Holy

Wheezy:

looks like, is what it, that's what it looks like. I could be wrong,

Spoons:

drama.

Wheezy:

but

Gino:

drama?

Wheezy:

Carolyn had returned to Chester place and continued to live with Wilke.

Spoons:

She came back.

Wheezy:

What, even though she'd married somebody else until he died in 1889, then she died in 1895 and is buried in the same grave.

Gino:

This actually sounds very much like the book, like not exactly the story, but a lot of things click.

Spoons:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

have

Wheezy:

Well, in 1889, he was involved in an accident and thrown from a cab because the collision was so hard. And then that accident was followed by quote, a severe attack of bronchitis. And then he suffered a stroke, and then he died on the 23rd of September. That's Javi's birthday. Interesting.

Spoons:

Wait, that's crazy. Wilke. Oh my god. So sorry, dude.

Wheezy:

I mean that's, that's pretty much it. That's, that's what the Willkie Collins info has to say. Well, I'm, he our boy? Is he he's, he's might be. He's Dickens boy. And, and Dickens is your boy. So I guess by proxy

Spoons:

Dickens

Wheezy:

your boy. But he's not my boy.

Spoons:

like he did way worse stuff. So I'm kind of like, it's whatever, you know, but these Victorians, you just have to kinda take

Wheezy:

Yep. God, they're wild.

Gino:

It is Victorians.

Wheezy:

They're getting crazy.

Gino:

Oh, these Victorians.

Wheezy:

That's so, that's weird. His life basically just feels like a novel. I was thinking, wow, what an interesting, like mysterious mind he has. And I'm like, well, maybe it's just a biography.

Spoons:

they say Right, what you know, you know, he was like, okay, I will.

Wheezy:

He is like, boy, oh boy.

Spoons:

I have a

Wheezy:

I said, okay, I will.

Spoons:

and I can do that.

Wheezy:

I am five foot six and I have a really interesting life.

Spoons:

do you wanna hear about my

Wheezy:

Cutie patootie. That's hilarious. I mean he, he, you wanna hear how I defeated my bully with the power of imagination?

Spoons:

pen is mightier than the sword. I'm the first one who ever said that? Wilkey Collins. Me.

Wheezy:

Oh my God.

Gino:

But it's

Wheezy:

and Collins. I mean he was There's really no, he must have been adorable. I don't know how Get away with this.

Spoons:

or something. Yeah. Like,

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Gino:

just like a kid's book though, that just wrote itself, not the, his whole life, but the like, I shall defeat my bully with this fairytale. Like, yeah, exactly.

Spoons:

should write a

Wheezy:

Honestly, it is. Absolutely. See I you, that should be your next children's book. Gino. Gino could do it. She writes

Gino:

Done.

Spoons:

that.

Gino:

I shall do it.

Spoons:

Oh, Wilky

Wheezy:

for context, if anyone's wondering. I think my brother's five foot six, but I wouldn't say that my brother's head is unnec like that. It's particularly large for his body. I don't think anyone's, and he got lasik, so he doesn't have spectacles anymore. So you

Gino:

is like, just in case anyone was comparing my brother, who you don't know

Wheezy:

Wil

Gino:

Toki.

Wheezy:

you don't know to Wilke Collins. Well, I'm just thinking like,'cause when you see on paper like five foot six for a guy, you're like, wow, what a cute little tiny king. But then when I think about it and I'm like, well, my brother's five foot six and he's taller than me. And I've never like been like, wow, he's so tiny.

Gino:

Yeah. You kept saying Tiny King. I was like, it's not that short.

Wheezy:

No. That's why I was like, well, maybe it's not that short. I just, on paper it looks short, but then I'm like in person. It's not, and also I've definitely had like a hard crush on someone who was maybe five foot five

Spoons:

mean,

Wheezy:

like, and it, I didn't think he was short either.

Spoons:

like

Gino:

It is.

Wheezy:

That's exactly accurate.

Spoons:

it's like, okay, probably half the guys were five, six. You know, we've gotten a lot taller in the last years,

Wheezy:

That's true.

Spoons:

Let, should we talk about

Wheezy:

Those, it's those good old American hamburgers.

Spoons:

These guys were Nu nutrition deprived. so

Wheezy:

Probably

Spoons:

the woman in

Wheezy:

I also morals deprived, but whatever.

Spoons:

spooky ghost story as a thought based on the cover, but it's really more of a sensation novel slash detective novel slash really long. So it's kind of about I mean guy, his name is Walter Hart, right? He is a drawing instructor B and he is really good at art and his BFF is this Italian guy named Pesca. And

Wheezy:

Okay. I just, real quick, I have to just interrupt because the, he's a drawing instructor. My reaction to he's a drawing instructor was the same as that comedian you and I were talking about, about the, she does the German mom bits and she's like, you on love, he's a painter.

Gino:

I know her.

Wheezy:

I know, right? She's so good. But I was like, he's a drawing instructor.

Spoons:

Laura. He's a drawing instructor.

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

God.

Wheezy:

Ah, Laura. That was honestly, I was like, wow, I'm not, I'm like, I'm no fun. Sometimes like I hear it myself, but I was like a drawing instructor. What kind of career is that? Like

Spoons:

like Baron. Okay. Like, this guy has no money. Okay.

Wheezy:

that's, I, I, I was, I one is a career, you know, sort of,

Spoons:

What?

Wheezy:

no, he was also horrible. I was just like, stay away from both of them. But it was just really funny. And then like, his mom was so proud of him for being, and I was like, did you never tell your son? The drawing instructor is not a job. I mean, it's, but like, God, you have to be, I guess things were different. I just, I guess it's like being an art teacher, but like, we don't, there aren't private families who are like, we want a drawing tutor to come teach our children. And he is like, I'm gonna base my whole career on this.

Spoons:

they were patrons of the arts. You know, the Victorians at least knew how to do that. You know, you can't even be a drawing instructor

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

You can't, you can't even

Wheezy:

Ah,

Spoons:

sketches and make a living out of it, like, what's

Wheezy:

Hilarious.

Spoons:

this world coming to? But yeah, he, he he's all right. I don't know. Walter's fine, I guess. He's funny.

Gino:

He exists.

Spoons:

so his best friend is this Italian guy who, is also a teacher

Wheezy:

It is adorable.

Spoons:

But basically he's like, will do anything for you because one time you saved my life at the beach. And Walter's like, it was really like not a big deal. And he's like, I owe you my life. And he's like, okay. And so he is like, so I got you a job at this weird

Wheezy:

Everything he does is so dramatic. It felt really real. I was like on, he was honestly nicer than any of the Italian men I've ever met, but the level of the drama, I was like, yeah, that's right. He like leaps up onto a chair to just explain something to people, and I'm like, I,

Spoons:

Walter's sister was like, Ew,

Wheezy:

yeah.

Gino:

Accurate.

Wheezy:

He's so not into him. She's like, your friend is so weird. Tell him to stop jumping on the furniture. God, stop bringing your friends over here, your weird teacher friends. go get a real jump.

Spoons:

job in addition to the, like. Is he sexist? It's very much a thing of like, why do Victorians and Wilkie, I'm including you in this because you did this in this book. Why are they so obsessed with like, oh, they're a foreigner. You know? It's like, oh, you can't even, oh, they're a little foreign ways. They're so weird and Italian. Like,

Wheezy:

I know they do.

Spoons:

calm down. Okay. Brits are so

Gino:

It's such a British thing, I think.

Spoons:

thing. I'm so sorry. Like, and Ash reminded me this weekend, so many of our

Wheezy:

Okay.

Spoons:

teacups are British and I am sorry, and I'm not talking about you. You are perfect.

Wheezy:

many British teacups, so many British and French te cup.

Spoons:

just be

Wheezy:

Listen, we know you're too good for us. Part of this is perhaps, say, an inferiority complex except for the people that spoons genuinely hates.

Spoons:

I love all the British teacups. I, um, ha I question Wilkes xenophobia perhaps, but I feel like maybe he was normal about it, but he was writing to an audience that was like foreign, so he had to be like, no, but they're nice, you know? That's kind of

Wheezy:

Yeah. And his bio did say like, he traveled quite a bit in his youth. Like he traveled. I mean, I guess they, it said he traveled his whole life, but even started in his youth. So he probably wasn't that xenophobic because he traveled so much, particularly to like Italy

Spoons:

Yeah,

Wheezy:

France. But

Gino:

That's so much of this book. You're like, which side are you on? Like half of his characters are like, oh, foreigners. And then the other half are like, be nice to them. Foreigners are people too.

Wheezy:

like, this woman is so competent. And

Gino:

yeah.

Wheezy:

I'm just a woman. And you're like, Wilke, you're all over the map bud.

Gino:

Oh my gosh.

Spoons:

genuinely,

Gino:

I don't wanna jump ahead, but as soon as we get there.

Spoons:

Okay, so I'll, I'll just skip ahead. But basically, Walter goes to work at Pescos, like recommendation at this place called Ridge House, where there are these two daughters, or two like young ladies who are like in need of a drawing instructor. And he gets there and he's like, this is great. And then he meets one of the ladies and he's like, Ooh, what that hot, bad do from across the room? And then she

Wheezy:

She is got a rocking bod. For real.

Spoons:

he's like, Aw, she's ugly. And then,

Wheezy:

It's exactly right.

Spoons:

then they

Wheezy:

right.

Spoons:

and her name is Marian.

Wheezy:

like a good, it must be like two or three

Gino:

But

Wheezy:

explaining how ugly she is.

Gino:

I cannot get this scene out of my head because she literally walks up and she's like, oh, you're the new drawing instructor. It's so nice that you're here because it's just been us HA house of women and you know how women are. We just fight amongst ourselves if we're together because women are horrible. And, you know, women can't do this and women can't do this. And I hate women myself. You know, if I wasn't one, if I didn't have the tragedy of having to be a woman, like, and I was like,

Wheezy:

me energy

Gino:

what?

Wheezy:

But then she's, but her character isn't, of

Gino:

What?

Spoons:

crazy.

Gino:

She's, so

Wheezy:

heart writes like, wow, she's pretty harsh upon women. And you're like, Wilkie, writing this

Spoons:

I was like, do you?

Gino:

yeah. That's when I had to look it up

Spoons:

what is happening?

Gino:

because

Spoons:

And it's so,

Gino:

I think I wrote down the exact quote, but I might not

Spoons:

oh no, it's

Gino:

continue.

Spoons:

to completely. I

Wheezy:

Mary. Throughout the book, she says, she'll just like repeatedly say she, honestly, she's like the Hermione of this book. She's the one who keeps everybody like on track and makes things happen. But she, she's just constantly like, God, I wish I wasn't a woman. I'm so dumb. And that you're like,

Spoons:

you are the most competent person

Wheezy:

you are the most competent person in this book. This is a joke, right? Like,

Gino:

Okay. I have two quotes that I wanna share real quick just to show the juxtaposition of the way women are written in this book, because,

Wheezy:

yes.

Gino:

Oh wait, no. Oh, nevermind. These aren't juxtaposing, they're just two quotes about the, that the women say though. But yeah, that first like interaction with her was so insane. She was like, oh, I absolutely am appalled that I have to be a woman, but I am.

Spoons:

I was like, girl.

Wheezy:

And it just sets the tone.

Spoons:

really is like, well,

Wheezy:

It's so weird.

Spoons:

are because I'm a woman. Of course, but, and I'm like, girl, like, you don't have to say that to him. This

Wheezy:

Frankly, I don't see any weaknesses. I don't think she has any. No.

Spoons:

person

Wheezy:

like, just so you know, we're on the same page. You, you hate women. is. She is. is. Never, she doesn't have any flaws. Also, like women fight amongst ourselves. I'm like, I don't believe you've ever fought,

Spoons:

no,

Wheezy:

with your what half sister?

Gino:

I know. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I.

Spoons:

each

Wheezy:

What, know, women,

Spoons:

of course, Mr. Hot. Right? He

Wheezy:

they do.

Spoons:

women are so weak minded, but that's why must have the mish. And I was like,

Wheezy:

of course I have not the good fortune to be beautiful. And you're like, shut up.

Spoons:

might have been thinking that, but you don't need to validate

Wheezy:

Like, what?

Spoons:

Like, you gorgeous. In my eyes, Marian,

Wheezy:

Come on, rude. We, we, one of the first things that I said about this book when I started reading it was, man, the way that people used to just like, state, if it as if it was an objective fact, oh, that person is ugly. Just like as it's at effect and this ugly fat person and it's just objective. And you're like,

Spoons:

like, I don't think that's, you

Gino:

Oh, yeah.

Spoons:

that

Wheezy:

you. And they're like, so because of her ugliness, like

Spoons:

do to her natural unattractiveness. You're like, what?

Wheezy:

you

Gino:

It's gonna be awkward even when you read my chapters, but, uh,

Wheezy:

You're like, and Ashe's character is very

Gino:

I,

Spoons:

Oh, I can't wait.

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

but yeah, so they meet and I

Gino:

so

Spoons:

what is going on here? And then we meet Marian's, half-sister Laura, who immediately Walter's like, I'm in

Wheezy:

Laura,

Spoons:

He's like clutching his heart and like dying swooning. He's like fainting in the drawing room, you know, so beautiful and way fish and good at playing Mozart on the piano forte. And she is very lovely and sweet.

Wheezy:

is fine.

Spoons:

she's

Wheezy:

I'm just saying Marian has way more going for her.

Spoons:

no nothing against Laura.

Wheezy:

nothing wrong with her.

Spoons:

girl.

Wheezy:

No, girl.

Spoons:

I would say no, probably I'm

Gino:

hmm.

Spoons:

on that one with Laura. But

Wheezy:

I'm also leaning towards, no,

Spoons:

want, I don't wanna show any harm and you know, so that's Laura and Walter is just so

Wheezy:

yeah, that really is.

Spoons:

while he's so into, oh, and then also Gino's least favorite character as well as mine. Very stupid ass uncle who Ms. Frederick Fairley. Okay. Their last name is Fairley Laura Fairley, and I think it is the cutest last name of all time. F-A-I-R-L-I-E. I'm like, are you kidding me? That's adorable. Makes'em sound like little Fay.

Wheezy:

Oh, that's cute. In my audio book, they pronounced it Farley the whole time, so I didn't even

Gino:

Really?

Wheezy:

spelled like that. Yeah,

Spoons:

Fairy. Laura Fairy.

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

That's cute.

Spoons:

their Uncle

Wheezy:

Oh, that's cute.

Spoons:

all

Wheezy:

Mesquite Fairly.

Spoons:

Oh, that's just

Gino:

Oh my gosh.

Spoons:

over there. I can't, Mesquite

Wheezy:

I decided Mesquite's a cute name for a girl. If anyone's like, what's what?

Spoons:

of a nickname for

Wheezy:

Mesquite. Oh, little messy fairy. That's cute.

Gino:

I like messy.

Wheezy:

Aw, that's adorable. Nobody take it. T-M-T-M-T-M. It's mine.

Spoons:

nobody too good.

Gino:

You have to give it. You have to give it to me.'cause Phil Wa, Phil likes turbo and Rug. Rug.

Wheezy:

Okay. If it comes down to turbo and Rug, I'll give you Mesquite. If that's what it really comes down to, you can have mesquite under those circumstances and those circumstances alone.

Gino:

I think he did offer up Bert the other day

Wheezy:

I hate that more than turbo.

Spoons:

bad.

Wheezy:

Turbo's better

Spoons:

Yeah.

Gino:

anyways. The fairies.

Spoons:

so basically he sucks. But then, so basically blah, blah, blah, Walter's here for a while. He and Marian become good friends. Oh, no, no, no. I forgot the woman in white. I totally forgot about the woman in white. The tit,

Gino:

Oh yeah.

Spoons:

roll. Before he even makes it to the house, he is walking there and it's like nighttime. And this woman, I can't believe we forgot this, this woman appears behind him and is like all in white. And he's like, ah. And she is like, hello? And he is like, oh my God. And basically she's immediately like, I'm not doing anything wrong. And he's like, okay. Like

Gino:

She's like, are you rich?

Spoons:

And he,

Gino:

Are you a baron?

Wheezy:

Are you

Gino:

Are you society?

Spoons:

And he is,

Wheezy:

She's like, tell me the names of all the barons, you know

Gino:

Yeah.

Spoons:

you always begin conversations this way?

Wheezy:

I mean, I know a few. And he's like, she's like,'cause you're rich. And he's like,'cause I, I teach rich people how to draw pictures. she's like,

Gino:

I know. My disappointment, my mother.

Spoons:

And he is like, okay. So he basically is like, I have no idea what her deal is, but she seems to hate Barron's, number one and number two really needs to go back to London. So he like helps her get to London and when he gets there and she leaves and stuff, she's like, you can, when we get there, you can't ask me anything or follow me. And he is like, okay, like do you need help? And she's like, no. And he is like, okay. So they get back to London and she leaves and

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

I don't even know. And then he finds out, oh, this woman has escaped from the asylum and I just helped her escape and I don't really know what the deal is, but he's like, okay, that was crazy. that's all he knows about that.

Wheezy:

Yeah, because he is like, I'm just gonna choose to believe that hopefully she was wrongfully put in the asylum and I did a good thing.

Spoons:

she seems okay to

Wheezy:

And I'm like, yeah, that feels safe.

Spoons:

He's like, I'm sure it's fine.

Wheezy:

Yeah. But that also made me think like, so the character, he isn't sexist because I feel like the more sexist thing would just be to assume if she was in an asylum and a woman is for a reason.

Spoons:

like

Wheezy:

I don't know. I don't, he's, you know,

Gino:

I mean, it's plot. It's for plot reasons.

Spoons:

and also

Wheezy:

That's true.

Spoons:

do feel like Walter is fully like, and Wilkie. And by extension, I guess are fully like, yeah, these women are extremely, like Wilke the book with very like different women. Like they're not all just like a stock character of a woman, you know? They're all very different, very capable, very

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

Have like,

Gino:

Yes.

Spoons:

like rich paths and yet

Wheezy:

Well, he clearly had an appreciation for the ladies.

Spoons:

of like, oh, women are cool. Like he wouldn't have, Marianne has fully almost like half this book.

Wheezy:

like, women are individuals, but they are still women.

Spoons:

get over there. Weak nature. I'm so sorry. Which made me be like, are you being like, are you doing some kind of commentary or is this like really just, are you speaking to the time?

Wheezy:

time it

Gino:

that's what I felt like. Yes, that's

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Gino:

it.

Spoons:

also just like

Gino:

No idea.

Spoons:

being like an 1860 audience and like what is going on culturally? Like is this is even just having very capable women kind of cool? Or is like he had to include, well, you know, there are women, but you know, they're cool. You know what I mean? I'm like, what is going on? And then I,

Wheezy:

I mean there are like Marian especially, she's like almost as, I mean she's like as much detective as he is for a lot of the book. I would think that's what, that'd be really cool as a girl. I think it might be something like he's kind of in the middle, like he was sexist, but unlike a lot of men at the time, he did see women as individuals. So maybe in that way he wasn't as sexist.

Spoons:

I, I

Wheezy:

I don't know.

Spoons:

kind of where I'm landing to where he's like sexist in the terms of like, almost everyone was sexist in 1860, you know, where it's just like, of the time. But

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Spoons:

personal point of view, he's like, but I

Wheezy:

yeah,

Spoons:

couldn't a woman do this part of the story? You know? Like, he doesn't have that kind of hangup with it, which

Wheezy:

long as she doesn't do any manual labor and as long as she gets sick of her hair is wet, then worse being true to reality.

Spoons:

And I'm

Gino:

Literally.

Wheezy:

hair wet,

Gino:

Literally.

Wheezy:

and I'm like, well, you're doing better than your, than your counterparts. But it's just the bar is so low,

Spoons:

not gonna be Charlotte Bronte, you know, he, he doesn't have the lived experience, but it's okay.

Wheezy:

no.

Spoons:

but then, yeah, so, so anyway, he meets the woman in white, then they to the back of the barn. the door's open. Sorry, God, these freaking cats. He is now they're fighting again.

Wheezy:

Her caler

Gino:

so cute.

Spoons:

Hello?

Gino:

Yeah.

Spoons:

doing?

Gino:

I love his little tummy.

Spoons:

They're ridiculous. They're

Wheezy:

know. I just wanna like take a little bite out of it. Just

Gino:

Right.

Spoons:

I will eat the cat. He's leaving. Okay. So. He Walter's falling in love with Laura, blah, blah, blah. Then he's, but the also at the same time, Marian and Walter are like doing detective partner stuff where they're like, uh, let's discover who the woman in white truly is and all of this. And they're like, really like being partners in crime. And I'm like, this is so slay. Like what was going on? Especially at the beginning I was like, ter, you need to be in love with Marian instead. This is, she's so cool.

Wheezy:

Yes. I really wanted him to be in love with Marian, and then I later I was like, whatever, you're too

Gino:

No. See, I don't think he is good enough for Marian. Exactly. I was like, he's not good enough for Marian. He is.

Wheezy:

he's wrong. Maybe he'll change his mind. And then it really quickly became like, no, he's not gonna,

Spoons:

good

Wheezy:

but whatever. She's too good.

Spoons:

glad that they're all friends though. I do think it's cute that they stayed good friends. Like they immediately were like, we

Wheezy:

They're all

Spoons:

right,

Wheezy:

They did.

Spoons:

out. You know? So I liked that.

Wheezy:

Yeah. It was cute. Yeah,

Gino:

Listen, you can love or hate, uh, Wilkie, but he, he writes good characters. Like they're very full

Spoons:

I felt

Gino:

characters and, yeah.

Wheezy:

Every single one, even like the mom and the sister who only could show up in a few scenes, like we're very, like, I have no trouble telling you what I think they would do in any situation. Like he, he gives you a really good impression of every

Gino:

Yes,

Spoons:

He's

Gino:

yes.

Spoons:

I immediately was like, I am interested in this. Like even at the beginning I was like, oh, this is daunting. It's like 25 hours. But when I started listening, I was like, Ooh. Or, and then I also was reading some of it in the book and I was like, I do, I do wanna know what's going on.

Wheezy:

I had the same thing.

Gino:

though. Yes. Yes.

Wheezy:

that he dropped interesting things. It was like, right when you're like, I'm too tired. I'm getting ready to give up on this. Then he'd be like, Ooh, and here's this other clue. And you'd be like, well, now I'm interested.

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

like, every time you start to fade, he's like, and an ooh thing. I think that this book Hot Take for me and not surprising could have been half as long. And like I want the, I want the abridged version to

Gino:

She,

Wheezy:

version. And it would've been, I probably would've been like my favorite classic, amazing, wonderful. But it was so long.

Gino:

the last two bucks, Ella and the other Cinderella story, you were like, they need to double in. Like, they were like, this one could have,

Wheezy:

Those, the only times I've ever said that was for those books. I don't think I've ever said that. I'm always like, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. I've never said that.

Spoons:

want more. Cinderella

Wheezy:

It's so strange. Maybe.

Gino:

know what, you know what the woman in white was missing? Cinderella and some glass slippers. That's all I'm saying.

Spoons:

in that carriage.

Gino:

Exactly.

Wheezy:

God Wilkie.

Spoons:

basically since we're we're 10 minutes in now, Walter falls in love with Laura.

Gino:

We still have three hours of this book left.

Spoons:

this? Oh Marian is like, Hey, I know you're in love with Laura, but she's engaged. And he's like, what? she's like, oh, sorry dude. And he's like, oh my God. And she's like, so it's probably best if you leave. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy. And

Wheezy:

And he is like, yeah.

Spoons:

'cause Laura's in love with you too. And it's like, what? So Laura and Walter are kind of, are like star cross lovers because she's been engaged to this guy named Possible Glide. And it was like arranged by her dad before he died. And she's like, well, I already said I would marry him. So

Wheezy:

Yeah. AKA personable, the prick.

Spoons:

Hers all sucks.

Gino:

is like I shall be true to my word,

Spoons:

So,

Gino:

my family, and my word, and my worthiness as a woman.

Wheezy:

And he comes and like Walter leaves, Percy comes and sees her and he gives a decent enough impression. He is like on his like really good behavior. And then pretty much as soon as they get married, we find out he's basically like, LOL sucks to be you. It was all an act and I'm using you for your money and you can't do anything about it. Like, pretty much just like right up front.

Spoons:

He's very like, it now, girl. And I was so mad before they got

Wheezy:

yeah,

Spoons:

when she was like, listen, I'm in love with someone else. I'm just gonna be honest with you. Like if you wanna break off the engagement because of that, that's totally cool with me. And he was like, actually, I'm gonna marry you even harder. And

Wheezy:

yeah.

Spoons:

you. Dick, I was so mad at him.

Wheezy:

I know.'cause he's like, now someone else

Gino:

Ugh.

Wheezy:

you. He's,

Gino:

Ugh.

Wheezy:

so bad. And the, so the woman in white who escaped from the asylum try, she sent a letter trying to, basically when she heard that Laura Fa Fairley was going to marry Percy, she sent a letter to try and be like, he's a bad dude, don't do it. But she was sent it anonymously because she obviously doesn't want anyone to know she's outta the asylum. She just wanna be caught and back. And so that was the whole thing too. So it's like this ongoing, you know, thing. They're

Gino:

Who is this woman then? What? And what is the secret? She knows exactly.

Wheezy:

What does she know about Percy?

Spoons:

And it's crazy. And she has like this connection with the Farley's mom or like Laura's mom and all this, and so they're kind of trying to figure her deal out. And her name is Ann Catholic.

Wheezy:

she looks a lot like Laura.

Gino:

Yes.

Wheezy:

Yeah. And Catholic.

Spoons:

similar looking, but Ann looks worse is

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

what Walter is saying at all times.

Wheezy:

Essentially

Gino:

she's been like in an insane asylum for a while, so she, I mean, she, she might,

Wheezy:

And mistreated.

Gino:

she might have the insane waves like we do, but the jawline isn't there.

Wheezy:

got the asylum waves, she's got the wave waves.

Spoons:

like, yeah. Good God. Imagine.

Gino:

Oh my gosh. Maybe that's my style.

Spoons:

asylum. Oh my

Wheezy:

my style.

Gino:

Listen, I'm working,

Spoons:

My

Wheezy:

wave.

Gino:

I'm working on a new style, so maybe that'll be it.

Wheezy:

That's hilarious.

Spoons:

Walter leaves, and then the narrative gets brought up by the the lawyer who is basically all his deal is like, oh, this guy sucks because Peral is like, I'm going to make it so that when Laura dies, I get total of money. And he is like, what? he is like, well, I'm going to do it anyway'cause I'm a

Gino:

I kind of,

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

lawyer's like, okay, like, I don't like that. And he is like, well, nothing you can do. And then so there's all that. And then also then it gets shifted to.

Gino:

I kind of loved the lawyer's conversation with the lawyer. He was like this is the money you'll get. And the lawyer's like, no, we want all the money. He is like, um, but no, that's not a thing. And he is like,

Spoons:

yeah.

Gino:

no, it is. And he is like, well, I don't know what to do at this point.

Spoons:

I already told you this is bad. And you still wanna do it. Like,

Wheezy:

you go from here?

Spoons:

And then the

Wheezy:

Oh

Spoons:

picked up by Marian, and this is like Laura and Percy are married, and then Marian is coming to live with them at this other house. And she gets there and is immediately like, the vibes

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

in here. Everyone is weird. Dogs are getting shot randomly. Like I am just,

Gino:

Oh my gosh, yes.

Spoons:

does when she gets there is like, tend to

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

dog who got shot and then this maid is like, ha, ha, ha, I don't

Wheezy:

It does.

Spoons:

And then it dies. And then they're like, welcome to the house.

Gino:

She's like, that's the games keeper. He just shoots them.

Wheezy:

Yeah. Yep.

Gino:

job is to shoot dogs. Ha.

Wheezy:

And until then, like Laura basically wouldn't say anything about her marriage, just like she would, she would talk about anything else, but like, she would not say anything. She wouldn't even like refer to Percy, like in her letters and stuff. And yeah, she gets there and it's not shocking. Why. And that's where we meet.

Spoons:

Can to

Gino:

Foco.

Wheezy:

Count Foco.

Spoons:

Foco.

Wheezy:

the biggest, loudest character in this damn book. I mean, wow. He loves himself.

Gino:

I mean, he is Italian

Spoons:

he's a big, he is got a lot of

Wheezy:

It's true.

Spoons:

and he's got a lot of pets. all the little mice and the

Wheezy:

He is the opposite of Pesca.

Spoons:

he's

Gino:

and the wife.

Wheezy:

He's got like a bunch of, and the wife, yeah, he's like got a bunch, a bunch of pets that

Gino:

What is this Bora?

Wheezy:

including his wife I'm alive. So

Gino:

I mean, from Italian to Bora real quick.

Wheezy:

That's honestly a little bit what the, the audiobook narrator and mind sounded like when he There was a lot of Borad in there,

Spoons:

hints of Bora.

Wheezy:

but he committed the whole book for it. So I was like, I, it's a borad

Spoons:

like this old fat guy who loves his weird pets and he's so, so

Gino:

Italian.

Spoons:

into Marian. He is like a beautiful man and she is so cool.

Gino:

Mm,

Wheezy:

I mean, he loves that his wife does everything that he says and

Gino:

wow. Wow.

Wheezy:

He's like, my wife is so good at being a wife. She doesn't have any thoughts of her own. She only believes what I believe about everything and does whatever. I says, she's such a good wife and

Gino:

That's such an Italian. I mean, it's such a man of the age, but it's also such an Italian.

Wheezy:

that he's so into her admiring him. It's always about how she admires him

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

And I'm like, yeah, this is an Italian thing for sure.

Gino:

He is like, she rolls my cigars and she does this, and I ask her to do that, and she does this and

Wheezy:

And she gazes it. When I tell her to do it, she gazes at me with adoration

Gino:

she asks permission before she leaves or enters a room, like,

Spoons:

Yeah, it's like weird. But he is

Wheezy:

Yeah. And then he's also like, yeah. And then with Marian, oh, he's very, he's a very fun character to read.

Gino:

oh, yes.

Wheezy:

of course he's, he's actually in love with Marian that she'd kick his ass,

Gino:

Oh yes,

Wheezy:

awesome to see.

Spoons:

it and then he's gonna beat her down, you know? I think that's what he wants, but he also

Wheezy:

Yeah. He wants to be like, I tamed that crazy one.

Spoons:

because

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

cool. And so Percy

Wheezy:

because she's my favorite character right now. She's my favorite.

Spoons:

too. So basically the plot thickens,

Gino:

but immediately Laura's like, don't trust him.

Spoons:

Laura hates him and she hates her husband. I feel so bad for Laura to bh. I'm like, God, six months with this guy. Ew. Like, I don't even, worst trip ever.

Wheezy:

I know. And and her husband and Bosco have been basically like conniving working to together to try to get her to sign this paperwork, but they will not let her read it. And so then Marian's like, yeah, don't do that. That's a bad idea. We're gonna call our lawyer. And their lawyer's like, don't do it. That's a bad idea. And it's this whole crazy drama. I mean, and then the woman in white shows up and she's, it's man,

Gino:

says, I have a secret.

Wheezy:

crazy.

Spoons:

Laura,

Gino:

What does,

Wheezy:

Yes.

Spoons:

And Laura's like, what? just like me. She's like,

Gino:

oh my God.

Wheezy:

This is so freaky Friday.

Spoons:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

Friday Parent Trap.

Spoons:

so Marian,

Wheezy:

I referenced the wrong early two thousands movie. Sorry. Continue.

Spoons:

well unfortunately that means you're kicked out of the pod. Get out. We're gonna now we'll come back, come back, come back. So Marian is like, I'm gonna sneak around and like discover the truth. And so she is like hiding out on like this balcony while it's raining and listening to Percy and Foco like talking and she's overhearing like this nefarious plan. And I was like, she is so cool, dude. Like she is out here. She was like, don't even

Wheezy:

For real.

Spoons:

figure it out. And she's like, I will just creep around and be a little detective. And I'm like, that's my Sherlock Holmes. You know, that's Marian Hol comes my Sherlock Holmes or

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Gino:

yeah. Oh yes.

Wheezy:

real. And Laura is not doing anything wrong. she's simply not doing anything

Gino:

No, Laura doesn't do anything. The whole book, she just exists and she's pretty, she stands there and like she looks pretty.

Spoons:

damel in

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

is.

Wheezy:

Walter's like, wow, how does she do it?

Spoons:

she's so mediocre at drawing. I can't even get over it.

Wheezy:

Amazing.

Spoons:

okay, great. Like I'm sorry to this Laura. You know, like I

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

having to marry this nasty guy while you're in love with like probably a hot like drawing guy. That sucks. I'm like, why aren't you on the balcony, Laura? Like, we could be doing something. You know, the most she did was go talk to

Wheezy:

So she's got like no critical thinking skills.

Gino:

Although, isn't she locked up at this point or something?

Wheezy:

She, she, she does get locked up,

Spoons:

Why couldn't Laura find the key? You know,

Wheezy:

Laura.

Gino:

locks her up because why? I forget why he locks her up.

Spoons:

I don't remember. But yeah, he,

Gino:

Yeah. For some reason,

Spoons:

it out. But then she

Gino:

but,

Spoons:

while she's on the balcony, though she's figuring out, but like.

Gino:

well, she overhears, yeah, she listens to Perl and um, camp Foco, and they're both like, well, we both need money, right? That's our problem. And they're like, yes. And then he's like, well, your wife has money, so let's get her money. And he's like, well, I can't unless she's dead. And Camp Foco iss like, Hmm, unless she's dead, you say? And he's like, yes. I don't know what to do about this camp. Foco is like, Hmm, I have ideas. And he's like, what could they possibly be? Count Foco? I don't understand. And he is like, just let me ruminate.

Wheezy:

dense. You're real dense. Percy. Gee, I wonder, I wonder what it could be.

Spoons:

Maybe it's like he gets

Wheezy:

And that's, that's how Marian gets sick

Spoons:

rained on, on the balcony or

Wheezy:

she gets her hair wet.

Gino:

Yeah,

Spoons:

then, so

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Gino:

I thought for sure she was poisoned or something. Like, I know later on it's like, everyone thinks she was poisoned, but I was like, there's no way she just was outside and got wet and was like, oh, now she has tuberculosis or whatever. Like, I was like,

Spoons:

it.'cause I was like, this was written in

Wheezy:

I also thought she was poisoned.

Spoons:

just got rained on. I don't know.

Wheezy:

I mean, that's, that's accurate. That's so much more accurate.

Spoons:

oh God. A woman

Gino:

exactly.

Wheezy:

Oh my gosh.

Gino:

Okay. But also right after, no go, go, go.

Spoons:

I, I think we were about to say the

Gino:

Ah, she, he

Spoons:

Yeah.

Gino:

foco, camp Foco finds her diary and like writes in the end entrance. He's like, this is such a good recounting of everything. And like what? Like first of all, what, what a boss move to be like, yes, you just wrote in your diary that I'm plotting murder. I'm gonna leave this here and be like, this was wonderfully written, signed love foco. Like what?

Wheezy:

Basically the level of arrogance

Gino:

Yes.

Wheezy:

is like

Spoons:

this guy's crazy.

Gino:

I know. I was like, I was running and that was the first time my heart rate went up a little bit higher. I was like, ah,

Wheezy:

Like

Gino:

oh, no. Bad things.

Wheezy:

a little crazy.

Spoons:

I loved that.

Wheezy:

Yeah. He seems to really thrive on, he seems to thrive on the evil of it a little bit like Percy's, just a selfish brat,

Gino:

He definitely has one of those twirly mustaches.

Wheezy:

evil.

Spoons:

Exactly.

Gino:

Ho, ho, ho.

Wheezy:

So interesting.

Spoons:

you have found truth. Beautiful Marianne. wait, now he's French. Sorry. He should have been French.

Wheezy:

You found the truth.

Spoons:

you found the truth.

Wheezy:

Do the bad, Mario?

Spoons:

I was so good. And After that Marian is sick and Laura, wait, is Laura is sick? I don't remember, but Marian is

Gino:

we hear from a lot of people.

Spoons:

Marian.

Gino:

No, Laura like, sits by her bedside.

Spoons:

But Laura

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

wakes up one day and they're like, she's like, where's Marian? And they're like, oh, she's gone. She went with Count Foco, who's left? Who left? And Laura's like, what? Like Marian would never just leave. And they're like, well, she did, sorry. they're

Wheezy:

No.

Spoons:

like freaking out. But then turns out, so then Laura leaves to go like, find her. Oh my God, sorry, my life is falling apart. so sorry.

Wheezy:

my God.

Gino:

so dramatic.

Spoons:

So

Wheezy:

Oh my goodness.

Spoons:

Laura leaves to go find her in London, but then turns out Marian, it didn't leave. They just moved to her to a different wing. And because they wanted Laura like, you know, to leave. And so then we find out that Laura dies and you're like, I was freaking out. And then, and so they

Wheezy:

Bro. I was like,

Spoons:

let

Wheezy:

what are we doing?

Spoons:

dead for several pages and then you find out. But as this was happening, I was like, there's no way. And then I was like, the woman in white. And then it turns out it was the woman in white is in fact

Wheezy:

I was really hoping there was a twist, but I was scared.'cause it was a classic. I was gonna be disappointed. sure enough, there was a

Gino:

I feel like I knew right away,

Spoons:

You're like, okay. Yeah, obviously

Wheezy:

It was tracks.

Gino:

not to brag, but I was like, I was like, I see what happened.

Wheezy:

like, I was way back there.

Spoons:

Well,

Gino:

It was fully Marian and, and heart, right? And, and. Laura speaking together and wheezy was like, why are they talking to Ann Catholic?

Spoons:

she is like,

Wheezy:

what? What is this? What and what are you doing here?

Spoons:

Oh my God. But it

Wheezy:

I'm confused.

Spoons:

I do feel bad about this, but when they were like wanting me to believe Laura was dead, I went, oh, like that was my reaction. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's too bad.

Wheezy:

That was also my reaction. was like, Hmm, Laura, I.

Gino:

See, I wasn't like, it wasn't that she was dead. I was really upset that like, that Foco and Peral

Spoons:

yes.

Gino:

if like,

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Gino:

it wasn't,

Wheezy:

upset about.

Gino:

yeah.

Wheezy:

It was like, oh, she died. Percy Sco.

Spoons:

yeah. Ugh. So stressful. But I feel so bad for Anne. And so basically, yeah, Anne died. They did like a switch. And so Anne died and then they sent Laura to the asylum she's like, I'm Laura Fairley. And everyone at the asylum is like, okay, yeah, sure you are. Yep, Uhhuh and.

Wheezy:

yeah, because they're like, yeah, she got crazier while she was escaped and now she believes that she's Laura Fairley. So don't believe her if she tells you that she is. And because she looks somewhat similar and they changed out. The nurse who used to take care of Anne Catholic when she escaped the nurse is like, I, I dunno what she's supposed to look like. Like what? I also was like, a lot of you like the, like the doctor at the psychiatric facility or whatever. I'm like, you can't tell the difference.

Spoons:

apparently not.

Wheezy:

Are you in on it? I was just never

Gino:

We've forgot to mention this whole time that, um, Percival had this connection to Ann Catholic slash Soloman of in white and was like, she cannot be found. Like, we have to find her. We have to put her back in the asylum. If she gets out, it will ruin me. She knows something like, and we're all like, what does she know?

Wheezy:

at

Gino:

Hmm.

Wheezy:

that the woman in Mike was asking Walter Hart right about, she was like, tell me that you don't know this baron. He's like, which baron? And she's like, just tell me the ones that you know, so I know that you don't know The one that I don't want to hear from and like, I don't want him to know. And it's him. It's, it's Percy. He's the one that, he's the one who put her in there.

Spoons:

Walter is

Wheezy:

Yeah. Although her mom kind of helped out. She was like, go for it. Put your, put my daughter in there. She sucks.

Spoons:

the plot kind of unfolds quickly. Once we find out that like, she's actually alive. So basically Walter comes back and then for a while, Walter and Marian and. Laura are just chilling together because they're like, okay, so we gotta figure out what to do because Fred, the uncle is like, I don't believe that my d that my niece is alive. So they kinda have nowhere to go. And

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

both Percy and Camp Foster are still out there and it's like this whole thing. So they're Marian and Walter are like, we're back on our detective stuff buddy. Like, it's you and me. And meanwhile they're like, but we can't let

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

so is so annoying. I'm like,

Wheezy:

I kind of love when they're all being roomies though. They do have to like, like a child keeper out of it. But I love that they were all Ruby. It was cute.

Spoons:

like's besties.

Wheezy:

I was also like, are you allowed to be roomies with girls? Like you grown men. I thought you weren't allowed to do that in like the 18 hundreds,

Gino:

mean, you're not allowed to like kids.

Wheezy:

Collins.

Gino:

someone escape from the Saint Asylum too. So I think that like.

Wheezy:

true. I think also in the 18 hundreds, you probably weren't, you weren't supposed to to have two long-term polyamorous relationships. Probably also, I don't know that Wilkey cared, you know?

Spoons:

Poppa.

Wheezy:

love it. I was like, how refreshing.

Spoons:

very cute.

Wheezy:

He was like, Ooh, oops. was really, really sweet. I was like, look at you roomies

Spoons:

to

Wheezy:

besties. But yeah, for sure. They were like, like, let's talk really quietly so Lord doesn't hear us.

Spoons:

from her asylum

Wheezy:

And Laura's acting like a child, as if like, yeah, from being in the asylum, but she's like totally different. And Walter's still like, I'm in love with her. And I'm like, you literally just said she's acting like a child. I have concerns.

Spoons:

the part

Wheezy:

Like,

Spoons:

gave up and was like, fine, you're in love with her. Like it's fine because at least you know he was being sweet. Like they

Wheezy:

fine.

Spoons:

Like, I don't

Wheezy:

Oh, he was being totally sweet. He was just like, I've chosen to be in love with you and I've chosen to be committed to you forever. Whatever. I was like,

Spoons:

up on

Wheezy:

alright.

Spoons:

at this point because clearly Marian's not interested either. Like they're both just like, we are platonic best friends. And I'm like, okay, that's your prerogative. I guess you would be great as a power couple, but that's fine.

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

like, you know, she's got all

Wheezy:

never, yeah, I never expected that.

Spoons:

going on. So I was like, okay, like, you know, girl knows her worth.

Wheezy:

Stuff going on. Yeah.

Spoons:

yeah, so basically Walter gets involved and he's trying to figure out all this stuff while Marian's with Laura all the time, and he ends up going to this little town. And oh, one thing I thought was so funny about this part of the book is Walter kept being like, okay, if we can prove that she left the day after, like Laura's death certificate was signed or whatever, then we can prove that it's not really a Laura,

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

that it was Anne, you know, whatever. so I'm like, okay, this is a great, like, lead to go off of, but he's like, if we can't prove it, I guess I'm just gonna have to beat his ass. Like, that was whole thing. He was like, please, I kind of just wanna beat

Wheezy:

It was, I was kind of loving it. I also was like, I kind of just want you to beat his ass. I really hope you just get to go beat his ass. that's really what I wanted.

Spoons:

me the way he was like, I mean, I'm gonna do my best, but if not, there's always me getting to beat his ass and don't anyone forget it. And I was like, okay, Walter, go for it, dude.

Wheezy:

I love this from you, your little drawing teacher.

Spoons:

So he goes to this little

Wheezy:

So cute.

Spoons:

he's trying to figure stuff out and oh, he already talked to Ann's mom who was like, also very evil and mean, she

Wheezy:

worst. Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

remember how he got this information, but basically he's like, oh, she said some,

Gino:

He talks to the clerk.

Spoons:

mother had said something like, diviv derisive about like Percy's mom. And so then Walter is like, oh, maybe there's something with his heritage, or like his lineage. And so he, yeah, so he's talking to this clerk at like the church he basically discovers through like the marriage records that like Percy's not actually like what a baron. weren't

Gino:

married. Yeah.

Spoons:

like

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

whatever, and he's like, ha ha, this is

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

I've figured it out. And then when he goes to like, before he can get like that proof, like the bear, oh my god, Percy shows up to the church, burns it down while he's inside and kills himself by accident.

Wheezy:

He is an idiot. He's an idiot.

Gino:

See that part?

Wheezy:

him too.

Gino:

See that part? I really didn't believe. I was like, it's someone else and they're like saying it's Percy and pretending it's him, but he's gonna go on the run or something like that. But it, it really was him.

Wheezy:

so good. But no, he's, he really is dumb. He really is that dumb.

Spoons:

was like, wow. He was, it was just an accident. Like he's like, I've been running through it and I don't know how he could have done this without it just being an accident. Like

Wheezy:

He really does run through it a few times. And he, he also says like, at first I tried to save him, but I really only wanted to save him so I could be the one to kill him. And he talks about, he's like, I really regret that I wasn't the one to do it.

Spoons:

he was, yeah,

Wheezy:

was like, I mean, it's good to have goals,

Spoons:

his

Wheezy:

know?

Spoons:

did try, like he got the whole, all the townspeople to be like, okay, let's try. But he was like, already dead. and so yeah, Percy's dead and you know what? Good riddance never liked that guy. That guy sucked.

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

so now he

Wheezy:

No.

Spoons:

secret and blah, blah, blah. then all that's left is Lee.

Gino:

He is like, Hey, I can get married.

Spoons:

they get married, Babu, ba, the fairly,

Wheezy:

Yeah, because now Percy's dead. So Laura's not married.

Spoons:

So it all worked out.

Gino:

He is like, all that's left is revenge on Foco. And then Foco shows up to the house where Marian and Laura is, and Marian's like, he's so scary, but, and he said like, if you ever come after me, like horrible things will happen. What do you think? And Walter's like I think I'm probably still gonna go after him.

Wheezy:

And he is like, I think I'm probably gonna maybe kill him. Maybe,

Spoons:

ass left I can

Wheezy:

maybe.

Spoons:

I gotta get out there. Marian, I'm sorry. You understand?

Wheezy:

It really is. Well his, he has, his goals are twofold. He is like, listen, I wanna marry. He talks, he talks to Marian about it and they have like a very sweet moment where she's like, my brother. And you're like, yeah, that's, well that's pretty cute. But he's basically like, I wanna marry your sister. And of course there's all the really the reasons that I'm very in love with her. But also I just feel like it's gonna make it easier for me to like litigate on her behalf if I'm actually her husband to say, Hey, she's not dead, she's still alive. So he's got this too. He's like, these are my goals. I'm gonna beat Fos Go's ass and I'm going to get the like official recognition that Laura is alive that Laura is not dead. That's it. He's like, I have two things. This is all I care about.

Spoons:

And so

Wheezy:

I really love this direction. For him, this is better for him than just the like the whole drawing thing.

Spoons:

are like, he needed some goals.

Gino:

You hate it so

Spoons:

do.

Gino:

much. You're like,

Wheezy:

of hate it.

Gino:

ah, drawing

Wheezy:

I do kind of hate it. And it's not that I hate that he draws. I love that he draws. I hate that. I'm like, do you have any other like skills that feels, it feels like a lot. It feels impractical. Detective

Gino:

like, gr.

Wheezy:

he's great at that. He should do that as a career. And painting should be like, or drawing should be like for fun.

Spoons:

should open their own firm.

Wheezy:

He's literally, he's like, I'm poor. I'm living with my mom'cause I have no money'cause I have no work. And I'm like, well buddy, maybe you need to expand your skillset.

Spoons:

he's like, my other skills include helping random women. I know nothing about in the middle of the night. Like beating asses. I'm sorry.

Wheezy:

Pining for engaged women.

Spoons:

women. I

Wheezy:

Yeah. Beating asses. That was surprising. Every time. Every time he was like, I can't wait to kick their ass. I was like, maybe you're kind of hot. Maybe you are kind of hot. I don't know. I didn't know you had this in you.

Spoons:

I'm like, he had to be hot for Laura to be like so into him so fast.

Gino:

See, I don't know.

Wheezy:

Yeah, that's true. Chino's like, no,

Spoons:

I don't have a problem with the

Gino:

I dunno. I don't think he is ugly, but I think he is just like, it's just a close quarters thing.

Wheezy:

have, I have a practical issue, so I'm concerned for his, his stability in his life with his drawing career, his drawing, teaching career. That's my only concern. It's not that I have a problem with being drawing teacher. I just feel like you need to fall back, buddy. I'm, I'm worried for you. And then especially when I heard that he could kick asses though, I'm like, that's there's a

Gino:

Except for it's, he thinks no, he thinks he can do it, but he very much also many times is like I can run fast. I did track in high school, but other than that, I'm not really gonna be able to beat. It's like if it comes to a fight between me and him, I'm definitely gonna lose.

Wheezy:

He's basically like, I'm gonna give it a good effort. That's very, very true.

Spoons:

the,

Wheezy:

I was like, look, he's willing to fight. That's hot.

Spoons:

That's true. At the end when he had his like confrontation with, oh, okay, I guess we forgot this part. Or I was about to forget. Um, basically he is at the BA or the opera with Pesca.

Gino:

comes back.

Spoons:

Fsco is there, and Foco

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm.

Spoons:

freaked out and he and Walter's like, Pesco, like, what was that about? And he's like, oh man, I can't believe I have to tell you, I'm in a secret society. And he's like, what? And he is like, yeah. So it's kind of like this crazy political thing where I'm, I'm a sleeper agent. And he's like, you're what are talking about? And he is like, I'm a sleeper agent for this Italian secret society. Like, what can you do? You know? Like I could go at any time

Wheezy:

He's like, I was young. I don't know.

Gino:

Yeah, it's exactly like I was young and dumb and broke.

Spoons:

And he is like,

Wheezy:

He said, he says something like the, the trappings of his youth. He is

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

the mistakes of my youth, they haunt me.

Spoons:

Walter's like, that's insane. And he's like, yeah, but it means that I could kill that guy at any time. Like it really is just a thing where like, we could kill

Gino:

Yeah. It's like, but can you, so can you please not tell me what he's done?'cause I really don't wanna have to kill him, but, you know, I, I could, but please don't tell me

Wheezy:

to, don't activate me like.

Spoons:

happy being sleeper.

Gino:

whatever you do, do not say the word lizard legs in a sense.

Spoons:

Don't, Walter please. Although I would do anything for you because you

Wheezy:

Oh my gosh.

Spoons:

And so then, so he, now he's like, oh, great, we have some

Wheezy:

Literally,

Spoons:

sco. he goes with like his list of demands basically. And like has this confrontation with oco. Well, he's got pesca on like

Wheezy:

I was really proud of him. He did very good.

Spoons:

He.

Wheezy:

Yeah. He set it up so that he had like

Gino:

It felt too easy to me. It felt too easy. Yeah. He was like, Hey,

Spoons:

pretty

Gino:

well, I was like,

Wheezy:

basically

Gino:

okay, so.

Wheezy:

at a certain time,

Gino:

No, but like it, he set it up well, he set it up well, and then he, he, he left the letter with Pesca that was sealed and everything. It was like, if I don't come back by now open this letter and it said all the stuff about SCO so that Pesca would've to go kill him.

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Gino:

but then he gets, and he's talking to Foco and he is like, listen, this is what I want. I want you to admit all the things you've done. I want Laura to not be dead. And like this. He's like, I don't even care about the money. I know you spent it already. And Foco iss like, sure, okay, that's reasonable, but here's my demands. I wanna be able to leave. I want to get that letter from the guy you gave it to and uh, whatever. And I was like, well, that's what I was like, because as soon as he's like, okay, here's the address of the guy. Give him this letter that says give you the letter. Like, what stopped him at that point from doing anything? Once SCO had the letter, what stopped him from being like, haha, jk, I'm gonna kill you now. Like nothing.

Wheezy:

I had the same thought. I don't know,

Spoons:

him

Wheezy:

I had the same thought. I didn't like it at that point. I was like, we're so close to the end of this book. Like

Spoons:

I think, yeah. I don't know,

Wheezy:

it did, it was cool.

Spoons:

it worked out though. I

Wheezy:

I don't know.

Spoons:

by for some reason, so.

Wheezy:

Yeah. So Fsco got out of town and Walter was able to prove that Laura was in fact alive after all. And everyone lives happily ever after. They have multiple children. They basically uncle Fairly dies and him and Laura's son is the next, to inherit

Gino:

fairly.

Wheezy:

Yeah. He's

Gino:

um, and this random other sleeper agent that was at the theater ends up killing Foco.

Wheezy:

Yeah, that's right.

Gino:

so he's, he,

Wheezy:

I was like, what? What is the coincidence? How many sleeper agents are there? He is just hanging out there and he was like, Foco. He just overhears them and then

Gino:

I know he is like, oh, him.

Wheezy:

I'm like, and not that I don't want him to die. That's great.

Spoons:

a little sad

Wheezy:

Wow. That's a lot of sleep rage. I was like, what is happening in the 18 hundreds?

Spoons:

so cool though.

Wheezy:

Were you,

Spoons:

not that I thought he was a good person, but I was like, now,

Wheezy:

hi Kitty Kat.

Spoons:

oh, hi baby.

Wheezy:

Can't go. What? Steal can't go stick other women in asylums and steal their money.

Spoons:

you know? Like he, before he was just doing all sorts of,

Wheezy:

That is true, man. He really was. Or farming. No one's ever ora farmed. Like he, like he did,

Spoons:

cage for the mice. I simply can't part with the mice. And I was like, this guy.

Gino:

Oh, I thought,

Wheezy:

bequeaths all his other animals.

Gino:

I thought that was something too, when he was like, I'm bequeathing and like reading it, I was like, this is some secret like code that, like he gets rid of the cockatoos but not the mice and it means whatever. Like, I did not trust that last scene at all.

Spoons:

Interesting. I wasn't thinking on that level.

Wheezy:

I, I don't think,

Spoons:

like, this guy's

Wheezy:

I'm not giving Willie Collins that much credit.

Spoons:

I,

Wheezy:

Yeah,

Spoons:

so fun. He had like the aura of like a, I don't know, like a super villain or something. Just like really weird guy. I

Gino:

Oh, for sure.

Wheezy:

did.

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

knew it and he loved it.

Gino:

Yes.

Wheezy:

loved being a super villain.

Spoons:

it was great.

Wheezy:

okay. It was kind of hot. Let's be real. Oh my gosh. Okay. So, uh, favorite and least favorite parts of the book.

Spoons:

my f

Wheezy:

I

Spoons:

Go ahead.

Gino:

Oh my gosh. I to, I texted,

Spoons:

No, go ahead.

Gino:

oh, sorry. I texted y'all while I was running. I was doing this like long hard run. As I said, I'm not bragging, I'm not a good but, um, the freaking uncle. The uncle came on to do his part, and I was like, oh my God, you're the most annoying thing that's ever existed. He's like, oh, I was told that I have to write this thing under duress because, you know, I'm, I'm such a fragile character, and oh, the sun was too bright, so oh, oh, dear me. Oh, I was like, I have to turn this off, or I'm gonna run into traffic. Like,

Spoons:

Like

Wheezy:

this is now a hazard.

Gino:

yeah, that was my least favorite part. That was my least favorite part

Wheezy:

I don't know. I, my least favorite part was every time Baron would just ran randomly be like, say something really smart and then be like, if only I weren't a woman. And I'm like, what?

Gino:

all the time.

Wheezy:

This

Gino:

Constantly

Spoons:

mm-hmm.

Wheezy:

understand. Like how could you be so confident and so competent? One second. And the next you're like, God, if only I didn't have boobs. And you're like, what the hell? Like. Girl.

Spoons:

was super annoying.

Wheezy:

So weird.

Spoons:

I don't know what my least favorite

Wheezy:

I don't know.

Gino:

spoons.

Wheezy:

part I did like when Percy died,

Spoons:

was exciting. I think my favorite part was just the three of

Wheezy:

it was really exciting.

Spoons:

the end, and I thought that was so cute. I was

Wheezy:

That was really cute. I loved all the detective stuff. Every time they got like a new clue, I was like, Ooh, it's a mystery.

Gino:

It's a mystery.

Wheezy:

It's a mystery. Ooh, la la.

Spoons:

That was pretty nuts.

Gino:

Yeah,

Spoons:

yeah, I don't know.

Gino:

I'm gonna read these quotes now,

Wheezy:

Hell yeah.

Gino:

Randomly, but there are quotes about women that I found really something, but they're not bad. Actually. That's why I was like, I was like, I thought I had juxta, juxta juxtaposing quotes, but they're not. So anyways, then with that courage that women lose so often in a small emergency and seldom in a great, I was like,

Wheezy:

did.

Gino:

so true. I was like,

Wheezy:

that is true. I

Gino:

yeah,

Wheezy:

of the weird shit you've said, I was like, I can kind of see that one.

Gino:

because like, yeah, like, I,

Wheezy:

like, you're talking too loud and too much and I'm gonna absolutely lose my effing shit. And

Gino:

I,

Wheezy:

You know, someone's like bleeding out and

Gino:

exactly, exactly. No, literally if you get a paper cut and you show it to me, I'm like, oh, I can't do blood. I'm gonna pass out. But like, if your organs were coming out of your body and you needed my help, I'd be like, don't worry, we're fine. Like, it's, yeah.

Wheezy:

I to, I did relate to that one too. That was a good one.

Gino:

and then no sensible man ever engages, unprepared in a fencing match of words with the woman. What

Wheezy:

like that make me go, well, maybe Wilkis not sexist. I don't know.

Gino:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

a good one. That's a good one.

Spoons:

deal

Gino:

yeah, I just heard them and I was like, these are, I was like, these are pretty fantastic and true. But then again, like he literally introduces Marian, her coming into the room being like, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a woman. We're horrible. And we fight with each other. We're so catty, and I wish I wasn't. Oh my gosh. Boobs like,

Wheezy:

know. And then she's like, my body's beautiful, but my face, it is ugly. And then she says something like, I have the face of a gypsy or something. And I'm like, Wilke, God, stop it. Stop it. Wilkie,

Spoons:

like we can't

Wheezy:

bat Wilke.

Spoons:

Oh my God. Yeah.

Wheezy:

He's like, I already did. And I stand by it and I'm gonna keep doing it a lot.

Spoons:

it. Actually, she's like, uh, but at the end he was crying and she's

Wheezy:

I actually love it. So.

Spoons:

you know, rightfully so, like, so many things had happened. I'm like, I'd be sobbing this whole time. But she's like, oh, don't, don't worry about me, Walter. It's just my woman's weakness. It's not my weakness. It's because I'm a woman. I was like, oh my God. Like Walter's probably cried 12 times

Wheezy:

God.

Spoons:

Okay. Like, it's not just you.

Wheezy:

Yeah. For real,

Gino:

yeah, he's a crier.

Wheezy:

Oh, I, I was gonna say, so he's definitely a crier. Oh, what? That and that there's nothing wrong with it, but he totally is a crier. Oh yeah.

Gino:

Favorite, least favorite characters.

Wheezy:

Marian favorite, least favorite question mark. I think Percy.

Spoons:

I.

Wheezy:

He sucked. But also that one maid who was like, isn't it so funny that this dog got shot? I'm like,

Gino:

Oh my gosh.

Spoons:

They,

Wheezy:

I was like, girl, no,

Spoons:

was just like so dumb.

Wheezy:

no. It's not funny.

Spoons:

Honorable mention for

Wheezy:

She wasn't great.

Spoons:

who wouldn't stop talking. I thought he was so funny. He was just like going on and on and on and Walter's like begging his head against the wall. Please show me the marriage records. Please show me the marriage records.

Gino:

At one point he is like, I had decided at that point not to let him say another word until I'd read the book. Fuck.

Spoons:

it was so good. But yeah, Marian's

Wheezy:

that's so good.

Spoons:

just in terms of like

Wheezy:

You have

Spoons:

I loved Count Foco, but it was a great character.

Gino:

I agree. Yeah,

Wheezy:

iconic and most memorable character, Foco,

Gino:

for sure.

Wheezy:

I'll remember him for the rest of my life. Love it or hate it. I will always remember him and he

Gino:

my dreams.

Wheezy:

I hate.

Gino:

I know.

Wheezy:

so pleased about that.

Spoons:

a team

Wheezy:

God,

Spoons:

You are always thinking about me all the time.

Wheezy:

honestly, he and Pesca, Pesca is like the

Gino:

I like

Wheezy:

Italian man, and Fsco is the bad Italian man.

Spoons:

he's like,

Wheezy:

These are the, these,

Gino:

he de he definitely knew some Italians.

Wheezy:

Yeah. He definitely did. Well, he literally, he, he grew up traveling to Italy for periods of time and then continued as an adult, so yeah, he knew Italians. It was like, here's the fun Italians. Here's the evil

Spoons:

show a

Wheezy:

Italians.

Spoons:

collection of Italians. You know, to me, they're not all one thing, you know? It's like, okay, well ki we get it.

Gino:

Listen, and just

Wheezy:

of them aren't evil.

Gino:

I was gonna say, just to preface this, in case people don't know Hui and I both have authority to speak on this. We're not just being racist against Italians as both of us have lived there for Harriets of times and have relations and stuff.

Wheezy:

American. Italian. Like Italian Italian. Like,

Gino:

yeah, and I, I lived there for like three years. So

Wheezy:

yeah,

Gino:

just, this isn't just baseless

Spoons:

offended

Wheezy:

this isn't, not that we don't love to baseless offend people. I do love to baseless offend Europeans, but I mean, honestly, anyone from anywhere, but especially the Europeans. But yeah, the Italians. I have also some like personal animosity towards, I'm just kidding. I love you guys except for the ones that I don't,

Gino:

agreed.

Spoons:

you. Sco.

Wheezy:

I love, I do love Pesca and I do hate posco, but yeah, memorable.

Gino:

But I hate, um, the Uncle Moore still, so he just like, I could not, his neuroticism was, I could not,

Wheezy:

He's basically like, I'm too

Gino:

I could not,

Wheezy:

tell you if

Gino:

but yeah, like you said,

Wheezy:

any part in pronouncing Laura alive or not.

Gino:

you said honorable mention and I agree. For the the maid, or I don't know if you said it for her, but the maid that was like, haha, he shot the dog. She was the one, she had a part in the book right towards the end she was talking about, and that was the other chapter that I was listening to while running. And I was like, I might have to turn this off again.'cause she was like, I don't know anything. And he told me to do this and I was like gross.

Wheezy:

like, well, you're useless and

Gino:

Yeah,

Spoons:

suck.

Gino:

it was a very short chapter luckily. But I was like, no, I don't like you.

Wheezy:

Do all have, uh, any quotes other than Gino's quotes?

Spoons:

to look for a quote, but I did love the last line of the book is like, credit where

Wheezy:

I also did not.

Spoons:

a g, you know, I was really into that. He said,

Wheezy:

I liked it too. It was good.

Spoons:

angel of our lives. Let Marian end our story. And I was like, that is right Walter. That is right. At least we all are accepting it.

Wheezy:

Yeah. I like it made up for a lot of the Marian self hatred. I was like, this is good. Thank God we did this. She deserved this. Yeah.

Gino:

did like at the end,

Spoons:

Sorry.

Gino:

I liked when, um, Laura was like, do you see who this is? And, and he was like, that's our child. And she's like, how dare you be so baseless and say, this is our child. What do you mean? This is Lord fairly,

Wheezy:

Yeah, it was so funny. She's like, holds up his kid and she's like, he's like, yeah, that's my son. I, I know who he is. And she's like, you idiot.

Spoons:

Oh, the child.

Wheezy:

It's Lord fairly

Spoons:

He's

Wheezy:

the child.

Spoons:

gone?

Wheezy:

Literally something I would do with ri

Gino:

I guess.

Wheezy:

I would love to be like, ri at hobby. Who is this? You know who this is? He'd be like, yeah, my son. And I'd be like, no, this is a precious little prince angel boy who's never made a mistake and never will. How dare you.

Spoons:

And you should have said that.

Wheezy:

Well, there's the, there was only one right answer. You failed.

Spoons:

So good.

Wheezy:

I did really relate to Marion on that one. What about, um, pinkies up? I wanna pinkies up.

Spoons:

I'm going to give it. Oh my God. There's a little bug on here. Okay. he's crawling around. crawling on the woman in white. I feel bad. I guess he can be. He's fine. I'm going to give it four. I pinky's up because I really liked it. I thought it was really fun and I was intrigued the whole time. But I wouldn't say it was like my favorite book ever, but like I did very much enjoy it. And I do wanna watch the, like, there's like a couple movies in a mini series, so I kind of wanna pick one and watch like I'm invested, you know?

Wheezy:

It would be good as a movie or mini series. Yeah, it's a really great drama. I just want it shorter. I like the story, but

Spoons:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

about Gino.

Gino:

Um, so it's funny, I was kind of talking to my mom about it and I kept being like, it just goes on and on. And there was this book I read in middle school or something. She used to read all the same books I read. It was called The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm. I don't know if y'all have ever read it, but it was this book that. You thought it ended and then No, but it kept going. And then you thought it ended, but no, and it kept going. And that's how,

Wheezy:

mad.

Gino:

see that's how I felt about this book. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it was like after Laura dies, it's like, oh, Laura dies. The book ends tragically, but no, there's more. And it's like, okay. And then Percival dies and you're like, oh, okay. So everything's resolved. But no, there's more. And then like, okay, they, they resolved the stuff with Count Foco, like he's leaving, but she has her title and everything. Okay. But no, there's more. That's how I felt about this book. But at the same time, it did keep my interest the whole time. And like you said, like right from the start, even though it was a 26 hour book, I, I never felt, aside from the time I was really annoyed with the uncle I never felt like I was bored the entire time. So I'm gonna get at the exact same score of spoons and say a four Pinkies up.

Wheezy:

Wow. I'm gonna give it 3.65 Pinky's up, I'll be real. I'm ne I'm never gonna read it again. I loved the whole detective thing

Gino:

Oh, I'm not gonna read it again.

Wheezy:

Almost knocked over my microphone. Everything's fine. I loved the detective thing. I love like an ear early detective story. I love a mystery. There were so many elements that I liked, but altogether entirely too long.

Spoons:

mm-hmm.

Wheezy:

I'm trying to think of anything. And the whole, like Marian hating herself for being a woman was a real downer. And it was also just felt inconsistent. I was like, either hate women or don't wilkie. Like I just, just pick a side. This is throwing me off. I'm, I keep getting distracted from the story'cause I have to sit back here and have opinions. Like just,

Gino:

Which is very un

Wheezy:

I'm not supposed

Gino:

womanly of you. Exactly, exactly.

Spoons:

think it is tough

Gino:

you're making me think thoughts.

Spoons:

I'm pretty sure this was released like weekly, like it was a serial. So that's probably why it reads

Wheezy:

That would make sense.

Gino:

Oh, okay.

Wheezy:

in a serial form, yeah. Watch, I would've been rabid about it if it was in

Gino:

Yes, yes, yes.

Wheezy:

yeah, as a novel,

Spoons:

were like,

Gino:

No, I felt like it could have ended five times.

Spoons:

It's probably just,

Gino:

I.

Wheezy:

I would love to see an adaptation of this. Or I would love to, um, I would love to like a retelling like that's like a somewhat, like more modern one. There's so many elements. I love, someone has an escaped in asylum after being put there wrongfully. There's like, there's political intrigue, sort of, there's like so much relational intrigue. Like there's crazy things going. Like it's a, there's so many great elements. I just want them in like a third of the length. He really did. So I liked it, but

Spoons:

miniseries.

Wheezy:

yes, yes. If it's good, I'll watch it.

Spoons:

Okay, great. Well, thanks for reading it, you guys. I finally can check it off my list. So that was exciting.

Gino:

No, I'm actually happy, even though it was 26 hours long, I was like, oh of the classics that could have classic, um, like I said, I enjoyed it the whole way through. The characters were great. So

Spoons:

fun.

Gino:

yeah,

Wheezy:

were only a few times that I didn't want to be reading it. There were only a few times I was like,

Spoons:

So, an

Wheezy:

it's still going,

Spoons:

Dickens.

Gino:

wonder if I had,

Wheezy:

for me.

Gino:

I, I do wonder if I'd read it, if I'd felt differently than listening to the audio book.'cause the audio book was really well done.

Spoons:

and I only read some of it from the book, but I felt the same. Reading it like physically, I was like, Ooh, this is a page turner. So

Gino:

Okay.

Spoons:

it was just his prose was really good.

Wheezy:

I might have liked reading it more.

Spoons:

reader. He was

Wheezy:

Yeah. I listened to the audiobook.

Spoons:

yeah.

Wheezy:

Mm-hmm. audiobook reader was good too, but I might've liked it more if I was just like reading off the page. But I still would've said I wanted to be a third this length.

Gino:

Oh, I did like super quick since we're forever, but, I get, I got it from the library, like the online Libby or whatever. And then it expired'cause it's 26 hours long, uh, before I finished it and I was like, oh, it's fine. I'll just renew it. Like this book was written in 1860, whatever, no one else is gonna be in line for it. And there were four people. It was like, you can't renew it. Four people are waiting for this book. And I was like, what the heck?

Spoons:

Like who are you people?

Wheezy:

Crazy.

Gino:

Who are these people?

Spoons:

Do you guys wanna hang out?

Wheezy:

That's anytime I try to rent anything on

Gino:

Yeah, I know.

Wheezy:

like,

Gino:

I was like, wait, do I have a podcast for you?

Wheezy:

I get their contact information please? I think

Gino:

but

Wheezy:

have something to talk about really

Gino:

then later on I was like, mom, was that you?

Spoons:

Aw.

Wheezy:

Hey, mom. Cute.

Spoons:

fun.

Gino:

but yeah.

Wheezy:

Solid. Well, anything else you guys wanna say about this book?

Gino:

Not, yeah. Do we have a quick lessons learned or no?

Spoons:

lessons learned.

Wheezy:

Oh, yeah. Lessons learned. Mm. Stop putting women in asylums because they're inconvenient.

Spoons:

You

Wheezy:

I,

Spoons:

I think that that's gotta be number one.

Gino:

Ah, ah,

Wheezy:

and she was like, I don't

Gino:

but,

Wheezy:

Maybe sometimes

Gino:

but counterpoint.

Wheezy:

the circumstances.

Gino:

Counterpoint. What I learned from this book is that you can't do anything if you're a woman. So.

Wheezy:

Yeah, I mean, valid. Marian would definitely agree with you. be like, the boobs get in the way. All the circulation goes to the boobs, not the brain. It's just, I can't help

Gino:

Oh my goodness.

Wheezy:

wish I was a man. I'd be smarter.

Spoons:

Never.

Gino:

She literally says at least three or four times in the book, like, if I were a man, I would've smacked him, but I wasn't, so I couldn't.

Spoons:

love to see you

Wheezy:

I was like, well, you should

Gino:

I know

Wheezy:

just, we all wanna

Spoons:

She and Walter are

Wheezy:

The same with Walter.

Spoons:

They're

Gino:

boy,

Wheezy:

You know what?

Spoons:

him. Like,

Wheezy:

They really are.

Spoons:

so cute.

Gino:

but no, they're like, um, like Timon and PBA where he is like, let me, Adam, let me Adam him. No, hold this. Okay, let me

Spoons:

like,

Wheezy:

yeah, yeah, yeah. exactly right. God.

Spoons:

go out in the

Wheezy:

I learned that apparently, uh, being a drawing teacher is a job.

Spoons:

You can

Gino:

yeah, don't go out in the rain. Or you might catch tuberculosis.

Spoons:

you

Gino:

Is it tuberculosis? It's something like that.

Spoons:

Something,

Wheezy:

Yeah.

Spoons:

yeah. And, uh, think twice before conspiring

Gino:

think that's our lessons.

Spoons:

who want to sneak into the rectory and

Wheezy:

From Italy.

Gino:

I was gonna say Italians

Spoons:

Yeah.

Wheezy:

yeah.

Gino:

think twice between or just save their life.

Spoons:

give me

Gino:

Like, and don't connive save it their lives.

Spoons:

Just, just don't do it. Think twice. Good lessons.

Gino:

quick reminder as we say goodbye is that, um, stay tuned for our read-a-thon. Check our socials and our website and if you want to go to the retreat, we still have a couple spots left. It's in Pennsylvania.

Wheezy:

Pennsylvania October 16th through 19th. Y'all can go to story siren studio.com/retreats and you can check it out. You can look at testimonials and pictures from our last retreat. That was totally awesome. You can learn more there, apply there. Or you can message us on social media at that pretentious book club. We talk to y'all constantly like we do. Try to message back always. So reach out. You can also email us at contact@storysirenstudio.com. If you want information for how you can support my bookshop, you are welcome to contact us as well. Or go check out the website, the story emporium and bookshop.com. Thank you guys so much for listening through this very long episode about a very long book.

Spoons:

Thank you guys. We love you teacups.

Gino:

Goodbye.

Wheezy:

No. And then until next week, yeah,

Gino:

no.

Wheezy:

teacups, keep your teacups full

Spoons:

high.

Gino:

Oh, your and your book club Pretentious.

Wheezy:

Excellent, excellent.