Cuck Queen Lifestyle and Exploration

Annette

Hi , this is Annette Vinedetti , your hostess for a locker room talk and shots , the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk . You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors , while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex , think fun , honest and feminist as fuck , and always with a goal of fighting the patriarchy , one orgasm at a time . Welcome to the locker room . Today's locker room talk and shots topic is a kinky reboot , if you will , a blast from the past . As we are rounding up to the end of kinktober , aka October , I thought it was only appropriate that we revisit one of my favorite interviews Confessions of a Cuck Queen . For those of you who are new to the locker room , this is a real treat .

Annette

If you have heard of Cuck Queening in the past but aren't quite sure what it's all about , by the time you get to the end of this episode , you are well . You're gonna know it inside and out and from a very personalized point of view . If you have been in the locker room with me for a very long time , it is time for you to brush up on your Cuck 101 knowledge , because , coming down the line for you in the next week or two , I have an episode on Cuck Holding , so we are going to get a completely different view of a very similar topic . Now , if you don't know what this whole Cuck thing is all about , trust me , you want to stick around and find out . So I'm going to remind you all to please scroll down to the notes in this episode's description , and you're going to want to subscribe to my e-newsletter because , of course , I always make sure to send you guys all of these juicy episodes along with the content that I'm creating around it .

Annette

But , even more importantly , I've been inspired by Loctoer and all the sexy kinky topics we've been talking about , and I am partnering with some amazing brands out there to run some pretty sexy giveaways . I am talking sex toys , folks , lots of sex toys , and some of you are going to get them for free . But the only way that I can get you the information about these giveaways and awesome products is through my newsletter . So make sure you sign up and stay tuned and up to date with well future episodes that are coming up , because you are definitely going to want to hear about Cuck Holding as well , especially after you listen to this interview . So , without further ado , I'm going to introduce you to Ellen , the Cuck Queen , aka sexual entrepreneur . Ellen , why don't you introduce yourself ?

Ellen

Hi , I'm Ellen and I have quite a few avenues that I like to go for attention . Mostly I have sexual attention and I have dirty or naughty I should say naughty Twitter , naughty Reddit only fans . I like to sell my panties and my socks and anything that anybody will buy .

Annette

I'll sell it . I would like to interject that Ellen did share with me . She is currently at this moment wearing some white socks that will be going to some lucky buyer later . I feel like I'm taking part in something fun and kinky and literally doing nothing . Yeah , that's how I feel Very exciting , oddly so .

Ellen

That's exactly how I feel .

Annette

And most importantly , for this podcast , you are . I am a Cuck Queen , A Cuck Queen and we are going to talk all about that and she's going to help guide us through this . Would you call it a lifestyle or a kink , or both ?

Ellen

It can be both , I think . For me more it's a kink . The lifestyle of it is pretty involved and I like to flow between kinks , so it's a kink .

Annette

Alright , great . And today's cocktail slash , mocktail . Ellen is not a drinker . Well , a mocktail drinker is the Queen Bee , which is a gen drink , and essentially you can make it with gen or without gen , depending on the time of day and your mood and whether or not you're drinking . So , Ellen , thank you for joining me today . Let's raise our glasses and let's get ready to talk about sex . I'm ready . Cheers , alright , I am super ready for this . So I want to start with .

Annette

I looked up the definition for Cuck Queen . First of all . I thought it was very interesting . As a word nerd that I am , cuck Queen is spelled differently than I thought it might be . Queen is Q-U-A-N . In case any dirty motherfuckers are out there looking it up and I know you are You're going to stumble upon Cuck Queen porn and spin the all night rubbing one out to it . I feel like that might be on my porn menu tonight for one of my 365 days of orgasms .

Annette

But when I actually do call-outs looking for people with certain experiences and I did a call-out actually looking for someone who had experience with Cuck Olding and we'll get to what that is later only briefly , but the first response and Ellen did witness this was someone responded doesn't that mean cheating ? And then I went and I researched Cuck Queen online and I was kind of mortified because you know , here in the locker room we do not accept any kink or lifestyle shaming and the definitions I found out there were largely had talked about adultery . I want to be clear . I'm going to read you the definition . This lifestyle slash kink has nothing to do with adultery . It is a consensual situation that leads to everybody getting off . So the definition I found that I liked the most is a woman in a relationship who gets sexual enjoyment out of watching or knowing that her male partner is having sex with other women . Note this is not adultery . This is a consensual situation . Does that sum it up right or do you want to add to that ?

Ellen

Yeah , that sums it up perfectly . Yeah , that is what I've gone off of as well , and it's simple as that . Yeah , it's consensual .

Annette

Her guy is not cheating , he's not doing anything behind her back and she benefits from it in some way , and we will talk about that . But I want to start with . So when did you first learn about being a cuckoo queen and think , huh , maybe that's me and I want to do that ?

Ellen

I think I was already doing it and I didn't have a name for it . We are swingers , and so seeing him with another woman was like the highlight of any play experience , and so I found myself really looking for women that he could date and have sex with , and so I just found myself doing that . And then I think I was on Tumblr back when it was really nice and cool and I started seeing stuff about cuck cuck queens and I was like , oh my gosh , that's me . I totally relate to that .

Annette

So let's time frame this . You have a partner . Is it a husband or just a partner ? Just a partner , not married but serious , do you live ?

Ellen

together .

Annette

Yes , we live together . How long have you been together ? Seven years . So swinging was your first step . Is that correct ? Yeah , so at what point in year-wise and into swinging did this start to manifest ?

Ellen

Oh goodness , we started swinging probably seven or eight months into the relationship and I think I fell into this maybe a year and a half or two years in , and then in practice it was probably three years in .

Annette

Meaning . You put a name to it and you were like this is what we're doing , yeah .

Ellen

And there's a lot of nerves behind it . There's a lot of anxieties and emotions that have to be worked out and figured out , and so getting through those took time and getting the gumption to be able to say , yeah , go find somebody .

Annette

Can I ask you your identity , sexual identity ? How do you define yourself ?

Ellen

Bisexual , Bisexual yeah very bisexual .

Annette

I say that too and sometimes I'm like , why do I say that ? And I think it's because there are women who dabble in it . And then like , if you're someone who's queer as fuck and like you really are into women and you find yourself getting sexy with a woman who kind of dabbles , you're like oh weird . Yeah we're not on the same level .

Ellen

Yeah , you didn't say very by , and I can tell why you didn't say that now .

Annette

That is so funny . I do that myself . Yeah , I'm super queer . I'm super queer . That's interesting . I just want to interject that what you're talking about resonates with me .

Annette

When I started this is quite a while ago , before I would say I really became comfortable being open about my sexual interests in life and sexuality , but started having my first threesomes with , at the time , a very long-term male partner . One of the things that threw me off , before we even had the threesome together , was I knew that in my own fantasies masturbation fantasies the thing I kept focusing on was the idea of watching a woman with my male partner , and it led to so much conflict because , of course , I like , I assume you I came into being in a society that's very monogamous Minded , that still does not understand anything outside of the conventional monogamous structure of relationships , so I felt like something was inherently wrong with me that turned me on about that , and so I'm excited about this conversation because I think , on some level , there are probably a lot of women , you know , who find themselves like getting excited and not understanding why yeah , I am .

Ellen

I . You know , I have this amazing partner and he's kind and generous and he is amazing in bed and he's hot and like the thought of sharing him and watching another woman's reaction . It's like live porn in front of you . It's just amazing , it's electric .

Annette

So yeah , Before we move on . I have so many fucking questions .

Ellen

I have so many answers . I know I'm excited about it .

Annette

But what about it specifically excites you and turns you on ? I mean , you've , you're talking about that a little bit right now , but I think it's more complicated and layered and then that so it is and it's evolved

Relationship Fantasies, Power, and Boundaries

Annette

.

Ellen

at the beginning it was very it wasn't an internal thing , it was just like something I wanted to see your do or taste or whatever it was , and so the fantasy started with . I don't know how gross you can get , but we want .

Annette

We want details . It's not gross .

Ellen

This is not gross .

Ellen

The fantasy started with wanting to clean up him and a woman after he comes , and so cleaning up his come like out of her , cleaning him like with my mouth , and so that was the fantasy for me and that was before I knew what cleaning was like . I just that was what I wanted so badly . So that's where it started . It started with that fantasy , but now over the years it's progressed into a very internal battle of sitting with myself if I'm feeling the jealousy or the anxiety . It's like a game for me now being able to take all of that negative , disgusting , like insecure feelings and that abandonment stuff that I'm blessed with from my past , and turning that into Like nothing , just an emotion that just goes away .

Annette

So having power over your own emotion , so it's not only it sounds to me like a sexual thing , it's like this emotional empowerment thing .

Ellen

Yeah , your experience very much so yeah , it started . And there's a sexual component component to it as well . He comes home after playing and showers like that's the thing . Get home , he showers , brushes his teeth , gets in bed and then we fuck and it's like claiming him back , reclaiming . That's the reclamation .

Annette

So this started in a swing or situation where you were involved , so you would watch , you were present , you would do the cleanup . Did you ever get to live out that ?

Annette

Times yes , it's so funny how I actually came upon the whole terminology the cuckoo and the cuckoo thing and why started searching out people to talk to us . I you know how sometimes when you're watching porn and you're scrolling through porn and you're in the middle of masturbating , so it's not like you really want to fuck around with switching things are watching , and I found myself watching a cuck and like the man was doing the same thing . He would wait until the woman was done getting fucked and he'd go and do the cleanup . And I was like Midmaster Bay , should . I'm like what am I watching ? Like what the fuck is this man like ? And I'm like oh , oh , yeah , yeah , it was weird . And then I went back for more . So you , it started out where you were there , but now you're not always there are you there ?

Annette

is some explain this .

Ellen

Oh gosh , yeah , at the beginning I was always there . That was part of our swinging journey . It was like always together . It was always the same room , eventually the same .

Annette

What same room , like we're you were in the same room okay .

Ellen

And then eventually turned into me like Just going through the motions and being like I'm done fucking other people , like I just want to relax , you go fuck if you want , like I don't care anymore . And so it turned into him trying to find other couples to go play with their other single females and I would stay home . And so it was able to turn into , I guess , turn into what it's become , just from I , just from going through the motions , I suppose so are you there anymore , or has that stopped ?

Ellen

I haven't been there in a while and I can't even , I couldn't even tell you the last time I was there .

Annette

Can I ask why ?

Ellen

Yeah , you totally can . I think that I don't know , maybe I don't know why . I think I just kind of needed time for myself . I've just like totally been focusing on me and my growth and Making sure that I'm strong and I'm solid , and putting my energy into other people just wasn't something that felt right to me .

Annette

So there , I was at home . You're there , you are at home and he's so . He has to see , have a regular people . That .

Ellen

He does , yeah , he does , and it's hard for a single single fella to find anybody to play with , ever so it is . But yeah , he has a couple that he plays with . He goes and joins and and then he has , he dates women .

Annette

I think he's dating one kind of seriously right now , but I don't ask him about it , so that's not part of your cut cleaning then ?

Ellen

It is because he goes on dates with her and he leaves or goes out to like , go out to dinner and then have sex , and so , like there's all of that , me sitting there and feeling it .

Annette

And do you fuck him every time he comes up ? Now , no , you're like not anymore .

Ellen

No , in my fantasies , yeah , I would do that . I would reclaim him every single time and it would be primal and passionate . But the reality of it is sometimes he comes home and I'm like , don't fucking touch me , like I'm just repulsed , which is unfair , but sometimes it just doesn't work for you , oh yeah . Interesting . Yeah , it's not always like fantasy world and I don't know what the switch is . I don't know so .

Annette

I love that you share that part of it . Yeah , because that makes sense , and I mean in any kind of relationship , monogamous or not . You just have those Times when you're like I should be turned on right now .

Ellen

Right now , I need you to get the fuck away from yeah yeah , and it's so hard because On his end , you know , I'm telling him like go , I'm fine , go have fun . And then he goes and has fun and does like what I said you could , that I'm like okay with me gets home and I'm like you know , it's just A mess sometimes .

Annette

So that's . That's why I think yeah , that's life and that's sex . So I'm gonna ask a question that I think everybody listening will want to know is the role ever reversed ? Is he ever in the cook ? Cook old , I still learning Roll , I know I never know how to pronounce it .

Ellen

Yeah , no , there's a humiliation aspect that goes into the cook old lifestyle and that's not a part of our lifestyle . I don't know that . That's a cook queen Thing . I think I've seen it sometimes like I think it can be , yeah , certainly can be .

Ellen

It's just not a part of our world . But the cook old is for sure a humiliation thing . We are , we do , I think stag and vixen . Vixen is more of what we would is a setting . Yeah , it's a , it that's a king , that's so there's like cuckold and hot wives and there's stags and vixens and so the stags and vixens are more of going out and having fun with other people , but there's no humiliation . It's like the same thing , it's just different flavor .

Annette

Interesting . Yeah , I think I'm gonna have to write a Like dictionary terminology article on this , for she explores life and all of these different things . That does get complicated , but that's because there are variations to everybody's interests right one size does not fit all .

Ellen

in this case , yeah , yeah , and that's actually how it started , how everything is . Our forest was the swinging . He wanted me to find another guy to have a threesome with . He's straight and he just likes to share me and I like to have sex with more than one guy . I mean , I mean Right , yeah , and so there's an aspect for sure that he enjoys , that he loves to see me with other men , with other women , with other couples , but , yeah , the humiliation part isn't there .

Annette

so Right , right , that's well , we're gonna have to have you back on to talk about the male , male , female threesome . I actually haven't yet gotten into the three this specifically three some and group sex scenarios A bit , because there's so much to it . But it sounds like you certainly have experience and I love that . Your attitude is like wouldn't want that , right ? Yeah .

Ellen

Doesn't want an Eiffel Tower alright

Exploring Non-Monogamous Relationships and Compassionate Consent

Ellen

.

Annette

So what I want you to walk me through is the very first time you had him Fuck another woman in front of you and you sat back and watched before coming in . Clean up the mess . Clean up the mess that sounds so romantic .

Ellen

I don't know how you could say romantic , but the first time I just remember we were in a hotel room , we were with a couple . The husband did not want to play at all . He actually wanted to sit back and just watch as well , he was a cook in that situation .

Ellen

I don't think so . I don't know . The humiliation part wasn't there . It could have just been him wanting to watch his life In ecstasy , so that's I don't know . Yeah , okay , but there we were , and the first time watching my partner with another woman was like everything I could have imagined it would be . There's no jealousy . The word conversion definitely comes to mind when it comes to being there with him when he's having sex .

Annette

Can you please define that for listeners ? Explain it to the best of your ability .

Ellen

What conversion I okay , best of my ability is Feeling really like happy and joyous seeing your partner in like the throws of ecstasy in that situation , but just being happy , seeing your partner happy .

Annette

Being in a way , in a way pumping away perfect , alright , but yeah , I'm seeing him .

Ellen

There's a , there's this look , that when we catch eyes and we're like looking into each other's eyes while he's having sex with another woman , that is indescribable and that's like one of those moments that Affects a relationship without any words being spoken , in a positive for sure . Yeah , it's just a intense feeling . And then seeing the woman like just having so much fun and enjoying herself and getting off like over and over is like amazing . So Just sat on the bed , watched him have sex with her like I would Like play with her , like I don't know , play with her kisser , stuff like that . His hem help him out . Like I don't know , I was just hands all over the place and helping hand .

Ellen

I did yeah , totally did so kind I know , and so I just I don't know , I love it , I love it so much I like um so wait , wait , wait .

Annette

Don't jump out of the story . Jump out of the story .

Ellen

You're loaning that helpful hand , making out with them , and then and then you know eventually no , I can't say eventually if we're going blow for blow here . Blow for blow , um , I think that a big part of it , because I am so very bi . I love to have my mouth on both of them , either of them . Um , just any way that I can up the pleasure , I'm all for it . Like I'm just a pleasure bot in that situation , like I don't exist , like my feelings don't exist , like I am just so hyper-focused on making sure that they are like feeling amazing , so , um , so , yeah , the orgasm like she usually I think she was like coming , you know , over and over . But when he came , we had talked , we discussed all of this before before anything ever happened . Um , you know , we got the consent that it would be okay for him to finish inside of her and Um , so all of that was already worked out .

Ellen

And so he was able to do that and I just went to town and like went down on her , just like it was I don't , it was amazing Um . And then I cleaned , like I just went to town on him , like just gave him head , and so , yeah , that was kind of so then what happens after that ? Um , we high five . Did you really high five ?

Annette

No , not that time . I do high . What are you talking about ? I did used to high five .

Ellen

I mean we had a couple . Okay , I shouldn't jump from story to story , but yeah , you can , you can you can go from one , not high five to the other .

Annette

So yeah , finish off with a couple in the high-fiving . I want to know how that goes .

Ellen

Yeah , we had a couple that we played with like they were our couple . We were just , we were with each other like I don't know how we were pretty um , I don't know we weren't monogamous with this couple , but like we were with them and so every time that Hem and I had sex , like after when we both came , we'd high five and like that was our like we would just laugh about it afterwards and I don't know . You got to keep it fun and light , so Absolutely Um , so the high five is pretty much .

Annette

But in this case you didn't high five , you cleaned them up and then you're like ehhhhh , and the guy wait , the husband . We forgot about him in my mind . He's gone . He's still sitting over in the corner watching all .

Ellen

Yeah , he was having the best time . Wait , was he jacking off or anything ?

Ellen

No , and maybe he had like issues there or something like that like maybe he wanted I don't know , like that's another thing , you know . Yeah , yeah , like um and so no , he was just the most kind guy ever . Like he was so sweet , um , when it was all , like when the sex part was done . Usually we just kind of like lay there just relax , like joke around , laugh , talk about like whatever you know . Just um kind of take the energy from like crazy high , like get everybody back down to like resting heart rate Right Before we put our shoes on type of thing . So um , yeah , that we had got a hotel room and um , so they ended up leaving . We stayed in the hotel room and broke the bed in some more .

Annette

Nice . Yeah , I think what I love the most about this story , um , like , even when you refer to the husband who was sitting in the corner the whole night , you're it's very compassionate and adoring , and I think that's something that I hope my listeners get out of getting to listen to , uh , my different guests and whatever their kinks or experiences are . It's hard sometimes , I think , for when you live in a society that's so brainwashed , to think monogamy is the only way to be able to imagine something outside of that uh relationship style that's also uh loving and compassionate and adoring of everyone who's involved . Yeah , you know , and and I think this is a good example of why , specifically , this isn't about being an adult , an adulter Right . This is something that does .

Ellen

It fulfills everybody . It fulfills everybody's cup in a different way . Um , and that's huge . It's huge when we're meeting new people , when we're gonna play with somebody new . Everybody has to have a reason why they're there , and everything has to be valid and consented to and , um , everybody has to be on board , or else it's just not gonna happen .

Annette

Right , right . Yes , this is consensual guys , so let's talk about consent when you're not there . How that started . Tell me about the very first time you guys decided we're taking this to a different level , and maybe not next level . It's a different kind of cut queen situation . Tell me about how you arrived to that and then we'll go into what that was like for you .

Ellen

It kind of was next level Um , he had my partner , he had a fantasy of joining another couple , um , and so that would mean that I wasn't there , um , and I am all about letting , helping him make sure that his fantasies are reality . Um , he does that for me , so I am more than happy to do that for him . We had a , um , a couple that we're friends with that I actually met on my naughty Twitter and , um , we met with the sole purpose of playing with them . Um , and I needed to just kind of take a step back from playing at that point and I mean , I don't know , you can't always be a ice princess and fuck all the time .

Annette

Right right .

Ellen

Yeah , I kind of nudged him into like why don't you just talk to them about going over , and you go over there and you play with them like leave me out of it , and you go fuck her and come home , and so that's what it ended up being . Um , yeah , they were close , by their neighbors almost so .

Annette

All right . So you come to this conclusion that you're going to do this thing and he's getting ready to go out the door . What do you guys do Like ? Do you ? Is there some sort of pre preparing ? Do you send them off with , like , a lunchbox and a little what ? This has , a little I love you card inside of it ? 100% no .

Ellen

Um , no , nothing that's um sexy or anything like that . Um , I like to spend that day and like , don't talk to me about anything that's real life . Like don't bring up the kids , don't bring up the bills , don't bring up money . Like leave anything that's like real life off the table for the day and just be like , just be , you know . So that is to lower your stress ?

Annette

Oh yeah , because you're already have that level of stress knowing your partner is going Mm . Hmm , okay , so you didn't have to hold on to the fucking real life shit . Yeah , yeah .

Ellen

Exactly , I don't care about the kids at this moment , like you're , fine .

Annette

I'm not like that Right .

Ellen

Um and no , we started off having rules , um , and we started off with rules when we I hate the word rules when it comes to playing now . So I'm saying it like very in an agitated sense now Um , but yeah , we had rules that I mean just like that . We that I expected for him , I expected him to follow .

Annette

Can you tell me what those rules were ?

Ellen

Yeah , um , I just didn't want him to have have anal sex with her and I just wanted him to wear a condom . That was all .

Annette

those were your wow , yeah , oh , can I ask you why you didn't want him to have anal sex with her ? Um ?

Ellen

because at that point , like it was sacred , anal sex was sacred . Yeah , like he could . He was a one butt man at that point in his life and that was mine .

Annette

You know , was that mentioned in the ? It was . It was mentioned in the swingers

Discovering Power in Non-Monogamy

Annette

podcast . I think I have the same reaction . I was like , really Like the butthole , I know , I guess Go ahead no .

Ellen

Expand . I think that , um , it was anal sex , was you know , at that point , something that wasn't super easy for me , and so I , I don't know .

Annette

Like it was . You would have been jealous if you there was a woman who could just slide in and like whatever .

Ellen

you can't have that much fun Okay .

Annette

That's awesome .

Ellen

Yeah , um I , and there's also a taboo factor to the back door that is like such a turn on , and I feel like that was like the one thing that was like , well , let's just leave that between us , like let's let that be our passionate taboo thing , yeah . So that was at that point . Now I don't give a shit what he does , literally , literally just don't bring that shit home . I'm going to wash that off wherever you're at my friend . Yeah , hold it off .

Annette

Oh God , that's great , um , I think it's also fascinating to me that it's come up in two podcasts now . In the situation , and , uh , in what is non monogamous situations , apparently the butthole becomes golden .

Ellen

Yeah Well , it's golden anytime really . Right , like it's probably just the carryover from the monogamous culture that we've all been raised in .

Annette

So that's right One , but people All right , uh that . So that was it for the rule .

Ellen

Yeah , yeah , no , that was it for the rules . I'm sorry , I was just . You just thought of something . Yeah , no , nothing , um nothing exciting . Um , that was it for the rules , though , and that was like as simple as I could keep it . At this point , though , we're at boundaries where it's like don't , I don't know , like I don't even know what my boundaries are anymore , like I've just had to let go of so much over the over time and realize like he's coming home .

Annette

All right . So now he was not allowed to stress you out during the day he left . You said goodbye to him . Did you see him out the door ?

Ellen

Yeah , for sure . I walked to the car with him big hugs and kisses and told him to have fun and made sure he had lots of condoms and sent him on his way . Loop , did you give him lube ? Um no , oh my God , no , I was like that lady better have lube . She needs her own fucking lube .

Annette

Yeah , all right . So this is the one situation where our mantra of bring lube is actually it's up to you . If you're having uh , uh cut Queen's uh male partner over to bang you , you better provide your own fucking lube , because the cut Queen is not responsible for easy entry for you ?

Ellen

No , I could with my mouth , but not with lube . There you go , yeah , sorry .

Annette

Um , so he's out the door . You've packed him off in the car with condoms , and what do you do ? What is that ? How long was he gone and what did you do with yourself while he ?

Ellen

was gone . He was gone probably two and a half hours or so and I yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah , just like putts around the house . It was summertime . I remember so vividly . I was on a Zoom call like I think it was during like 2020 , it must have been .

Ellen

But yeah , I was on a Zoom call with my two girlfriends and we were just chatting and living our life . I was just trying to keep myself busy . I just didn't want to sit and like realize what he was doing and so I just kept myself busy with friends , with probably like cleaning , and then I got to the bedroom and I was fine , like once he was gone , so there was no sexiness for you going on while this was going on .

Ellen

No , no , and I think that in my fantasy I think so on paper in my head , whatever you want to say like this is a much more sexy fantasy that I have going on , like in my head it was like he's gonna come home and I'm just gonna like take him and reclaim him and we're gonna have the most passionate sex ever . And he came home and he showered and we had really amazing sex , but like it just wasn't . I mean , I don't know it , just it wasn't what you had thought . Yeah , the first time it wasn't . There's been numerous other times and yeah , it's amazing . It's just so hard to judge like how I'm gonna feel . So weird .

Annette

So it's interesting to me that , even though the first time it sounds like it was mostly just stressful for you and you had a little sex after , what made you want to continue doing it .

Ellen

Well , I knew that he had so much fun and I knew that the couple had so much fun and I enjoyed that . I'd never want to be like well , that wasn't what I wanted . Like it didn't work out the way I wanted it to work out . So I just started to look at different avenues of like okay , well , how can I look at this differently , or how can I react differently , or how can I . I just tried to come up with different ways to come at it .

Annette

So so at what point did you start enjoying it ? Or have you ever enjoyed it like , as like it gets you off ?

Ellen

I think that I do enjoy it . I guess that sounds kind of crazy , but there's a power that comes from letting your man leave your house and go and have sex and have like an amazing time with other people and you not being there , and there's just so much power that I've derived from being able to sit with that and realize like I'm not missing anything , I'm okay , right . And there has been a couple of times where I was like he went with a woman and I talked to him . I asked him to ask her if he could send pictures to me while they were out having sex .

Annette

Ooh , yeah , so that would be hot . I could see that .

Ellen

Yeah , so I was like getting pictures and so a couple of times that's happened and that's always like just being a little bit more involved is when it becomes way more like sexual for me Right , right .

Annette

So it sounds like , with this kink slash lifestyle experience , it's a combination of sexual gratification , but also personal growth and strength , and I think it seems like also knowing that this person always comes back to you . Regardless of how good of a sexual experience they have with someone else , it's a you that they wanna be with .

Ellen

Yeah , yeah , yeah , and that's what it's boiled down to for me , and really the realization that , like , nobody is anybody's and no matter what rules or boundaries or anything that I ask for , like whatever is gonna happen , is gonna happen . I just have to trust that he has me on his mind . He has , like us , our life , like all of our stuff you know , in his head .

Annette

So it sounds like it's almost a testament , though , to your relationship , like you have that much trust and that he does always come back and that he does honor you , and that every time that happens , it makes you feel more confident .

Ellen

Yeah , yeah , for sure . More confident and just closer and less anxious about the next time .

Annette

Well , cheers to that . Cheers to that ,

Concerns and Challenges in Non-Monogamous Relationships

Annette

all right . So is there a time when a woman that he goes with I think this is a common , would be a common concern . What if she tries to quote , take him away or lure him away from you or make it more than what it is ? I imagine that has to go through your head . Has that ever happened and if so , how did that go ?

Ellen

Um , yeah , I mean , I guess that went through my head at the beginning , but that goes back to nobody's , anybody's . And if he can be lured , then be lured , be gone , like goodbye . That's just something that I don't even think about , I don't worry about if it's , if it's going to happen , it's going to happen , yeah . So yeah , I just um , I don't know if I ever had fear that he was going to be lured , but there's a fear that she's going to be better than me , like she's sexier than me , she's going to give him better head . All this stuff that's like kind of irrelevant , yeah . But yeah , those are the fears , not that he's going to be taken away , but that the next time we have sex he's going to be thinking about her .

Annette

So and so has that ever happened ? Has any woman tried to interfere in a way that made you uncomfortable ? Oh , a hundred percent . I was going to say I'm watching your face clearly , so will you ? Share .

Ellen

I don't know those are . I mean , I'm happy to share Um , but yeah , those were tough times . He's yeah .

Annette

Well , tell me about how it happened and how you knew about it , because it's not in front of you , right ?

Ellen

Right , um , yeah , so we've had our ups and downs for sure . Like , our relationship hasn't always been amazing . It nobody's is . Yeah , especially not when we're such a sexually driven like . It's such a sexually driven relationship yeah , I shouldn't say it like that , but sex is very important to both of us . I don't think anything's wrong with that . Right , resonates . Yeah , for sure . Um , there's been a couple really rough patches , and the last one was one of my friends who he also chatted with , and they were starting a plan getting together and having sex like behind my back .

Ellen

She was um , she was engaged . It was behind her fiance's back and I knew , because I'm just in tune with the guy I live with Right . He starts treating me differently and I know immediately like something's fucked right now .

Annette

Well , and so that would then be a great example of the difference between the cut queen relationship slash situation . And then what verge is on adultery , right ? Oh , because the cut queen thing is all um , up front and in in your face , and this was different than that . Now I think that listeners will be like we'll see it led to that . Um , I don't know if you would agree or not . I would say that this happens all of the time in monogamous relationships . I don't , I don't think the two are related and I just want to state that you haven't said that . I'll ask you your opinion . But before anyone heads down that path this situation that you just shared about him talking with her behind your back , all of that , I am willing to bet a good 90% of the monogamous listeners out there have had times when they're like who are you talking to ?

Ellen

over there 100% .

Annette

Why are you smiling Like right ? And this has nothing to do with you being you two having that element .

Ellen

No , no , Um , and you're right . This would happen whether we were monogamous or we were not monogamous . Um , eventually , you know just the person that he is . He would have started wandering and that's just the way it is . Um , the reason , the reason why we're still together right now , I would think , is because that we are in the lifestyle and we have this intense base of communication that we're already working off of , and so we're able to sit with each other for months and be completely vulnerable and raw and open about you know why things happened , what happened , and take responsibility . For his part , I could take I'm not taking responsibility for somebody lying .

Annette

Right no .

Ellen

But , um you know , I can at least be empathetic with where he was .

Annette

Right .

Ellen

And , um , that's not something that I've really ever seen a monogamous couple be able to make it through .

Annette

So , yeah , I would say when I'm talking to my friends about cheating and stuff like that , the truth is , in situations where cheating happens , usually and I've been cheated on far too many times to care to share but usually I can see kind of where on my end I had responsibility , not with their choice , but whether I stayed or whatever was going on between us that I was feeding into , that created , you know , um . So I think that you're right . I think it is a testament to be able to sit and talk through and work through things .

Ellen

Yeah .

Annette

Um , have you ever had someone that you did agree to ? So it was within your queen , uh relationship , uh female that you had agreed to , that he was going to have sex with , then turn around and try and shift that relationship and pull him away ? No , that hasn't happened . So , within that context , the trust is solid and the people are , um , honest and ethical . Yeah , so that's interesting to me . Yeah , that's what I was . When I originally asked this question , I assumed you were going to say , oh , this woman who said this was all she wanted , but then it turned out she wanted this , and that's not the case .

Ellen

So it's the men , like if I'm talking to a guy , it's the men that try to pull me away . Oh interesting , Never the women .

Ellen

Women can like get any . I mean I shouldn't say it like that but like women have so many people to choose from . If they meet somebody like my guy who's um committed to you know in a relationship , but totally upfront and honest and open about what his intentions are , you know , and clear with his relationship status , then she can she knows she's safe to like stay and have some fun and keep dating and like be safe and knowing that it's just going to be fun .

Annette

Right . So if you want to just get laid , have fun , she can continue dating , and if she finds someone else , she does . So what would you say to let's shift a little ? I want to make you the advisor .

Exploring the Cut Queen Lifestyle

Annette

If this resonates with a woman out there right now listening , or any listener out there who's like oh , I experienced these feelings and I wonder we're going to have to look it up . There must be a term that's similar for people who are non-binary or don't fit into this heteronormative .

Annette

The queer thing ? Yeah Well , it's kind of what . How does that apply to lesbians ? How does that apply to , you know , gay men or whatever ? So , anyways , I don't have that information . Do you have that information ?

Ellen

No , I've never even thought about it .

Annette

So many of these terms just were created without different identities in mind . But let's say , a human says this resonates with me . I have these feelings . What would you say ? What's the next step ? How do they move forward with experimentation or initiation ?

Ellen

I feel like it was so nice for me to be able to be there with him and watch how he is with other women and then know that , like I'm always on his mind , basically Like he's having fun , he's in the moment , but he's not like doing it to get out of his reality , he's doing it to enhance our reality .

Annette

So you're saying being in person to start with is your advice . Yeah , I would say be there . How would you bring this up to partner If you haven't discussed it ? What if you haven't even really , at this point , dabbled in group sex ? Yeah , and you're like oh , I keep having fantasies about my person banging someone else .

Ellen

I think a really safe route to go would be either a sex worker or cam girls or something along those lines , where your person can have chats , have some one-on-one interaction with another person and that's a more controlled like you know . That person is safe and their intentions are just the sex .

Annette

Right , that's so smart when I thought about the question that it did not come to my mind at all , but I think your right sex workers would be perfect for this , yeah .

Ellen

I think that they're undervalued . When it comes to threesomes , the unicorn hunting like , just get a sex worker , that's what they're there for . I wouldn't ever try to do it with any friends . I wouldn't do it with people that you work with , that you know , just don't shit where you eat . But being there , I think starting slow if you're not doing anything as of right now , starting slow with the cam girl thing , I just feel like that's such a safe way to get your toes wet and feel like you're still in control . Right .

Annette

Now so people who Do this , our cut queens , aren't always swingers , is that correct ?

Ellen

Oh gosh , I don't think . Yeah , no , they're not always swingers . A lot of times and a lot of things that I've seen because I follow a couple , like cut queen blogs and stuff like that a lot of times it's a couple , a male and female couple , like go to clubs and they'll find like a hot woman and the woman is biased , like the woman is always bisexual and she'll like just start a quick relationship with the female and invite her back to the room , and so I don't know if that's swinger-ish or not . No , I don't think that is . I don't think so either . But yeah , a lot of it's just like party , find another woman , bring her back to the hotel room .

Annette

Consentually , consentually Everything upfront , always , always Everything upfront . Don't trick someone .

Ellen

Don't do the switch and bait the bait and switch .

Annette

Either works yeah . Don't switch , and bait either Nope .

Ellen

Yeah , I think that the club thing is what . I've seen a lot of Sex clubs , I've night clubs just and who knows , I don't know , I don't know that sex clubs are like very , I'd love that they're everywhere out here , but no , they're not the rest of them . Yeah , they're not going to be in Nevada . Oh wait , they are .

Annette

I think you might be underestimating how many fucking sex clubs there are out there , I think they might be too . People are horny everywhere .

Ellen

Yeah , and Nevada was a really , really , really poor , poor choice on my part .

Annette

Yeah , because they have brothels there still .

Ellen

Yeah , it's like legal . Yeah , yeah , it's all legal . No , it's dumb .

Annette

Right , it's like the one great thing about Nevada yeah , the only . It's like somehow that's where the brothels and leaving there you go . I do think and I do forget I'm in Portland , Oregon . I think I've mentioned that several times . We are very fortunate for being two horny women to be living in this town , because there are sex clubs , a swing or specific one . Have you been there ?

Ellen

I've been to Sanctuary and that's it .

Annette

What ? Yeah , oh yeah , there's the other one and the other one , and the other one , and one of them is tons of swingers . That seems to be focused on swingers .

Ellen

Just never are seen , never anything that we were into .

Annette

Yeah , yeah . So I mean I suppose that could be a place to start , because people are looking to get laid . It's all open and on the table For sure . So dating apps have you had luck with finding partners for this ?

Ellen

on dating apps . Oh yeah , I'm like cast the net wide .

Annette

What is your favorite dating app for this specific ink , for this specific ? Like that you can be open and upfront about it , like on your profile or whatever .

Ellen

Tinder has worked like magic .

Annette

Tinder just seems to be good for just about everything , yeah pretty much .

Ellen

Well , friendfinder is like where we have been . Don't you have to pay for that ? Well , I figured out how to not pay for it and so , yeah , I would never pay for that . It's such a jankety site , but yeah , that's worked really really well Because it's easy to . I think that the best scenario is generally another woman that's married who is just looking for fun .

Annette

And it's going back to their partner .

Ellen

Yeah , and there's so much of that . I guess there's so much of that on everything but Tinder , even Facebook dating .

Annette

I have not tried that .

Ellen

No , it's so stupid .

Annette

That's what I've heard . That's what Liberty was on our podcast about online dating and I think said that that was awful yeah it's a waste of time , but I mean you just have to weed through so much bullshit .

Ellen

I guess you do on every one of them , but that one's worse , so Tinder has been the best , I think .

Annette

Okay , what are the best things about being a cut queen ? Best things , the best things . Yeah , give me your top two or three things that are like if you were selling it , this is how you'd sell it .

Ellen

Oh God , the electricity from all this . Like the sex is electric . It's just unbelievable . Watching your partner please another woman and knowing that like that's my man . I don't know , just so primal and it's amazing . And then the other part is the power that I feel afterwards , knowing that like I have it in me to be able to let him go play and come home and I have like no , I'm not hurting , Like I'm safe , I'm fine . That safety is like priceless .

Annette

So I mean everything I create . This podcast she Explores Life is all about women's sexual empowerment and this is literally empowering for you . You're saying one of the top highlights is sexual empowerment , just an empowerment in general . So eat that one . Folks out there saying it's cheating , it's cheating .

Annette

You know , no , I mean , this is a choice and it comes with intense benefits for you , right ? Maybe not for everybody , but for you All , right ? So we've set the highlights . What are the low lights if you're talking to someone you're like ? And here are the things that are the hardest and that you have to be prepared to manage for yourself .

Ellen

The low lights are the intense emotions , the anxiety , the fear . Yeah , if you don't know what to do with those feelings , it's going to be really hard until you get that figured out Really hard . And that is the low . Like that is that's it , like that's something that if you don't have control over it , it's going to break you .

Annette

And how do you feel this kink quote lifestyle has affected your relationship .

Ellen

You know , I feel like it's so healthy . We are both getting our needs met . He has this thing where he likes the excitement of something new and I can't give that to him , but I , you know that's not important to me , and so knowing that I mean him having the ability to have that need met is has made his side of the relationship like just feel so strong . And knowing that the trust is there , I trust him , he trusts me , we can go , we know we're coming home Like , we know that we're not going to hurt each other , we're not going to make each other look stupid . It's just so empowering .

Annette

Right , what are some things that you wish people would get or understand or know about this ? I mean , it's not cheating .

Ellen

That's a big one . Huge , I'm not . I feel like it could be seen that I'm weak or I'm a pushover , or he's just using the relationship so that he can have a home and a house and a steady place and then still be able to just go and fuck whoever he wants . That's farthest from the truth , I feel like those are things that .

Annette

Assumptions that are made Mm-hmm Right , so got that , guys Got it , got it . Let's start changing the definition of this very legitimate I keep saying kink slash lifestyle because I feel like it's a combination , I feel like it is too , and I guess gotta Google that shit .

Ellen

GTS .

Annette

I did a lot of Googling on this topic and I mostly went to porn sites and then I was very disappointed in what I did find . I was like I'm not sharing this , I'm not perpetuating this bullshit . Are there resources for people who want to dabble in cuckoo-ing Gosh ? Not really Looks like this podcast , is it motherfuckers ? Looks like I'm your fucking resource , no pressure .

Ellen

Sorry , ellen .

Annette

You want to talk about it ? Oh , I guess I need to start research and writing about this .

Ellen

Yeah , the golden ticket .

Annette

Yeah Well , I want to thank you for coming to talk about this Before I start wrapping this up . Is there anything left you have ? You want to make sure you've said you want people to know about ? This is your moment .

Ellen

My moment . I just I think it's really fun to explore if you're already swinging and you already look at your partner and are just so turned on by watching them with another person , Maybe think about taking it to the next level and talk about letting him go and play a little bit and come home and it's just . The empowerment is unmatched .

Annette

I think it would be really interesting to talk to multiple women who are experiencing this and see what the array of experiences are and thoughts and feelings . So this has been very enlightening . Also , it's not just for swingers , it's for all of us dirty motherfuckers out there just saying but I really appreciate you enlightening us . So I'm going to just do a cheers before we launch into who we are and where you can go to . Cheers for joining me and being brave enough to share what I feel is a very shamed kink .

Ellen

Oh , yeah , oh well .

Annette

All right so .

Ellen

No shame in my game .

Annette

Ellen , you have been marinating those socks for the last hour , while you talked to me about lots of sexy stuff , so I want to take a moment for you to share where people can you have an only fans account . You said you've got your dirty places . If someone else is like , hey , dirty , oh you do , you do , ellen . But I feel like there's somebody out there listening to this that might be like I want some Ellen socks , you want ?

Ellen

some of my socks .

Annette

I want some post podcast , ellen socks . So tell people where they can go to find you .

Ellen

So my only fans is PNW , so it's just PNW N , underscore Bella B-E-L-L-A and it's free , so go ahead and peruse all you want . I have a Not Safe For Work Twitter and it's at mermaidsperr , it's and we'll link it . I can send you the link for it .

Annette

Yeah , for sure For PURR at mermaidsperr .

Ellen

Yeah , yeah , and on my Twitter there's links for everything else . Nice yeah , so the only fans is linked on there as well . Fun yeah , so people come to my only fans and they love it . And then they reach out to me and they're like can I buy those panties from you ? Fuck yeah , you can .

Annette

You've got to do a whole podcast on that , because I have clearly gone into the wrong occupation .

Ellen

Yeah , it's a part-time gig for me .

Annette

For sure it's a side hustle , it is . This is a true side hustle . It is yeah .

Ellen

Yep , my socks , yeah , nothing sacred , anymore yeah was it ever who cares about socks ?

Annette

Who cares ? Somebody does . So if you have questions for Ellen , or if you would like to join me and Ellen talking about this topic , if you're another Cuck Queen and you would like to join us for a threesome , foursome conversation , I would love it . I feel like this is a topic we can do more and more on and learn more about what other people's experiences are like and shed an accurate light on it , because it doesn't seem like there's that much out there . Likewise , I am looking to talk to someone who's in the opposite relationship and it has a cuckold . I believe that's how I think , language-wise , I'm saying that correct . So I'd love to talk to a woman who has a partner that is a cuckold and cleans her up after she's been banged by another guy . I don't even know how to talk about this , so many to me . I'm very curious about this and I want to again shed a positive light on it , so you can reach out to me at annette at shakesploreslifecom , and at annette at shakesploreslifecom .

Annette

Head over to TikTok . I launched a TikTok account that is Locker Room Talk podcast . I believe that's my handle and it's doing quite well . I'm covering a lot about what it's like to be bisexual . I am covering a lot about my 365 days of orgasms challenge and how that's going . You can also find me on Instagram , bing Benedetti , my own account . You can find Locker Room Talk and Shots on Instagram Facebook . She Explores Life , instagram , facebook and finally , there's also my YouTube channel . In it , benedetti Articles will be going up and I'm definitely going to write some articles on this topic at shakesploreslife . I'm looking forward to hearing from you guys . Don't be afraid to reach out , dm me and email me . So I think that's it Until next time . Thank you , ellen . I can't wait to talk to you again here , cheers , we'll see you in the locker room .