Small Penis Humiliation in Relationships

Annette Benedetti

Do the sex . Hi , this is Annette Benedetti your hostess for a locker room talk and chocks , the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk . You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors , while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex . Think , fun , honest and feminist as fuck , and always with the goal of fighting the patriarchy . One orgasm at a time . Welcome to the locker room .

Annette Benedetti

Today's locker room talk and chocks topic by listener request is small penis humiliation S P H . That's how they messaged it to me . I had to look it up . I was like what is S P H ? It makes sense . So we have gone over cock and ball torture with my guest today . We've gone over the humiliation kink with my guest today . So it only made sense that as soon as this request came across my computer , I would reach out to her and say hey , can we address small penis humiliation ? If you watch any porn or even TV show Now , on TV shows , I want to say euphoria there was an example on that show of somebody wanting to be humiliated and I think it was small penis humiliation but , it's kind of mainstream .

Annette Benedetti

It's so common . But interestingly enough , when I went out there to really find comprehensive information about small penis humiliation like it wasn't being widely written about . So I have Lisa Finn from Beyblend and Sister Store Good Vibes here today to talk us through small penis humiliation . Lisa , will you go ahead and give everybody the rundown on who you are and what you do ?

Lisa Finn

Yes , hi everybody . My name is Lisa Finn and I am a sex educator with Beyblend and Good Vibes . I have been with Beyblend since 2016 . So I've been doing this for a minute for sure . I absolutely love talking about kink , helping people sort of find their kinky side . I think that everyone has one , and I am also a sex toy expert . So if you check out Beyblend , you will see lots of my tips and tricks there .

Annette Benedetti

Right . So she is going to walk us through what small penis humiliation is . I think we're going to be able to address all the common comments that come up from people around it , because I think it can be confusing , especially to women and vulva owners who have been taught like making fun of someone's penis size is like a shitty , shitty , shitty thing to do , a kintu body shaming . So we're going to address all of that and then how to do it , because it is something that's requested often from people with what we'll get to , the size of penis that gets shamed . But before we move on , I want to remind you that I am now doing masturbation Mondays . It's a very short mini-soat I'm putting out every Monday that goes over my newly established pleasure practice , the toys I'm using , the fantasies I'm summoning , why I'm doing this . So if you are curious or you're also trying to create your own self-pleasure practice , please join me for that and we'll all start having orgasms together . That's the goal .

Annette Benedetti

But let's go ahead and raise our glasses . I am ready to talk about small penis humiliation . Cheers Sontra . All right , let's just dive in . What is small penis humiliation ?

Lisa Finn

It is one of the kinks . That is exactly what it sounds like . So it is the verbal erotic humiliation of someone's penis , of someone's genitals , where a dominant is usually the one consensually degrading a submissive's penis , specifically talking about the size , so very specifically calling them small or tiny . There's a lot of shame and stigma around having a small penis and that feeds directly into toxic masculinity . So SPH gives the opportunity to not only explore but actually challenge that . So the average penis size erect for Americans is actually around five inches , but we have all these unrealistic standards that we get from mainstream media , porn etc . That make people with average and even above average penises feel like that perfectly normal size is inadequate somehow , and with that , most people that participate in small penis humiliation don't actually have a small penis as compared to a national average . It's a part of a fantasy . The humiliation is not coming from a point of actually talking about their size , but challenging them , humiliating them on something that is such a taboo topic .

Annette Benedetti

I love that you bring up well two things the size and then challenging toxic masculinity , because it seems almost to be the opposite , but it in actuality is not , and I think people think and there was a lot of misinformation out there that was oh , it's only people who have micro penises who want this , and that is not the case . It is people who have typically average size penises and I would venture to say that sometimes even people on the bigger size want their penis humiliated in this way . It's more about the humiliation , right .

Lisa Finn

Yeah , absolutely . And the thing about folks that do have micro penises or smaller than average penises participating in this is that it can actually be a form of empowering them . It can be a form of taking control over an insecurity . If they are actually insecure about their penis size , someone with a micro penis can absolutely love the size of their penis . Partners can absolutely love the size of that penis . Again , it's that idea of unrealistic standards , so this could just be a way of playing with that taboo , whether or not it relates to your actual size .

Annette Benedetti

Yeah , I love that . Yeah , a micro penis could be very pleasurable for people who like to grind , for women and vulva owners who experience pain with deep penetration . I mean , I don't know , I have a woman who likes to grind with other women . I'm like small penis grinding could be super fun in my opinion . It's not something I've gotten to do . I've never been with someone with a micro penis , but I've been with someone with a very large clit . That was fun .

Annette Benedetti

I'm going to ask the question and we've already addressed it in our other podcast episodes , but I think obviously we want to address it here . People are going to ask the question why would somebody want this humiliation ? What's the ? Do they have a problem ? Do they have an issue ? And we have said you have said before you can have a kink for absolutely no other reason than you're just kink . It's a kink , just is . And digging into the psychology behind it and mental health stuff behind it is not necessary , but maybe you could throw out some reasons why people have this kink and what they get out of it . First , like the person being shamed . What do , why do they have it and what do they get out of it ?

Lisa Finn

Yeah , so , like I just mentioned , it could be taking taking control over insecurity , you know , sort of having that be something , that you are taking that taboo or that shame or whatever it is , and making it into something positive through an erotic experience , even if that eroticism is through belittling , is through condescension , humiliation , degradation , whatever it is .

Lisa Finn

But a lot of this has to do directly with power dynamics . It's about giving up control to a DOM . It's about getting aroused by being vulnerable , with small penis humiliation in particular , you know , playing with emasculation . All of these things are reminiscent of that DS dynamic , but taken to a space where it's a little bit more focused on the mental and emotional . Now , of course , that could have come from an experience in our past . You know we can absolutely go forward with any of this and you know see where it happened at another time in our life , maybe something that happened when we were younger . But it could just be something as simple as being really turned on by someone that he is in a very intense position of power over you , where you know this is being eroticized , where this is arousing .

Annette Benedetti

I get that as the person who would like to do the small penis shaming , Like I think I can under . So let's talk about . Let's talk about the penis shamer , Because I'm like I think this I have said to you before in our podcast on cock and ball torture there was this moment when you brought up just threatening a penis and I'm like , oh my God , I want to threaten the penis and I had never thought about it before . I wasn't joking , although it may have sounded like it was . So let's talk a little bit about the penis shamer and what they get out of it .

Lisa Finn

So , absolutely , this could be something that you know is being done for the partner for sure , but for a dominant doing any sort of humiliation kink , but particularly small penis humiliation it could be a way of empowering themselves over that toxic masculinity . You know , I am not above the fact that before I really understood the concept of body shaming , I absolutely would see someone with like a decked out car that was ridiculous revving their motor and just be like , well , that person has a small penis . I know better now but it's part of that , you know , when we sort of take that into something that we're holding against someone , that could be a really powerful thing to do , especially if we're doing it as a part of challenging that masculinity which for some people can be really hot , especially when it's consensual and the person understands what this dynamic is and they're a part of it as well .

Annette Benedetti

Like I'm clearly excited by the idea . I am ready to shame some penises . I don't care what size it is , you can bring me a 10 footer and I'm going to make fun of it If that's , if that's what you want , consensually only . So let's move into . Well , first of all , I was going to just like , let's move into how to do it but for , let's say , a partner , especially a partner with a vulva . Your partner comes to you and they're like hey , I'd like you to do this thing , or starts hinting at it and it takes you back for a second and you don't know , like how do I say this to someone I love ? And can you give just some tips to overcoming the roadblocks , the mental roadblocks , to being willing to do that for a partner as a relationship enhancing thing ?

Lisa Finn

This is tricky because with humiliation , a lot of times it's going to come from a request of the sub rather than a request of the DOM . But it really depends on what the dynamic is . If you're going to see a professional DOM and their whole thing is that they're very much so like , mean and aggressive and whatever it is that could be on the table and they could ask if you're okay with that . But if this is a we've never done any sort of humiliation kink before . My DOM has never said , or my partner has never said , that they're interested in a humiliation kink . Jumping to something that could be so personal and so intense could be a lot .

Lisa Finn

So , talking about humiliation overall first and getting a general idea of I'm into this , is this something that you would want to explore ? Okay , what are the things that are okay to talk about ? How intense are we willing to go ? Can I talk about your body ? Can I talk about your genitals ? I don't . You know whether or not you think that they have a small penis . You can also go ahead and say that you know , but be like the idea of saying it is something that's hot to me , because if that is a point of insecurity for your partner . You don't want them to think that the reason why you're bringing it up is because you actually want to make fun of their penis , because of just how you feel about it , rather than as part of the kink , Then the opposite of someone if your partner's bringing it up to you .

Annette Benedetti

it's sort of kind of the same conversation , correct

Small Penis Humiliation and BDSM Kinks

Annette Benedetti

, Yep .

Lisa Finn

Just the starting off with humiliation overall and taking it from there , getting into specifics , having this conversation beforehand . Fill out a yes-no-maybe list and pop that on there . It could be a really good way to sort of facilitate it in with a bunch of other stuff . I find that a yes-no-maybe list is a really good way to put specific kinks that may not come up in conversation organically or that you're not prepared to just say outright Maybe the conversation never gets to a point where it feels like there's a segue to talk about this specific thing . Filling out a yes-no-maybe list is a very good way to do so . We actually have one on the website . It is very basic , but you can always add your own . So it's babelandcom backslash , yes-no-maybe Easy peasy , taking that moment to sort of step into it rather than diving right in again , unless that dynamic is already established and this makes sense for where you're at with humiliation play or with what your DS dynamic already is .

Annette Benedetti

Now let's get started . How does one humiliate a penis For people who haven't don't watch Born or who haven't come across it ? What would that look like ? Engaging in the small penis humiliation , kink ?

Lisa Finn

Yeah . So there are a couple of ways that you could do it . One could just be simply talking about their size . It doesn't even necessarily have to be that you were straight up insulting them by saying something about it other than that it's small . It could just be you saying you have such a tiny dick . Look at how small it is . It's so it looks like . You know , it looks like a thumb saying something that is just very much so basic . We're just talking about the size . Or it could be something about how you can use it . So how do you expect to please me with that tiny little thing ? I can't feel you at all . Are you even inside me right now ? You can make it about taking control over what they can or can't do Making someone wear a strap on over their cock , whether or not that strap on is bigger than them , and Making it .

Lisa Finn

Oh , you can't please me with your dick , so I need you to put this on . Instead , maybe watching them touch themselves and Berating them or condescending them for that . So something like stop touching yourself like that's a real penis , use your tiny fingers , touch your tiny dick with your tiny little fingers Something that is very much so targeted in a way that you know we're playing with other pieces of it . I'm telling you how to touch yourself , I'm telling you that you can't specifically do something , but it's all integrated back into the because you have a small dick . That's what the sort of connecting factor is . Is that , whatever this command is , it's because you have a small dick . Whether or not the two things are related , wow .

Annette Benedetti

Yeah , that was just a great little 101 on how to how to . Yeah , that sounds that actually sounds pretty .

Lisa Finn

Anyone listening ? I will drop my Venmo yeah .

Annette Benedetti

Fuck , people pay for that . I love that . I love that we are gonna refer you back to our our humiliation podcast . This kink falls under the Humiliation kink and there's a lot to it , and so we're not going to repeat all of the stuff that we did in the humiliation Podcast . You're gonna need to scroll back , dive into that podcast . So , consent we're doing the whole consent piece up front , and and be so . Before you want to try any of these things like comparing To a dildo or having them strap it on , those are things you've got a like clear yeah , up front . And Then all the way through , right , at least at the beginning , you're gonna want to check in , use your dirty talking . Another podcast that we will have for you your new dirty talking skills to check in throughout , correct , yeah ?

Lisa Finn

absolutely and you know I've said this in all of our sort of verbal kink based podcast Is that , even though it's just words , you still need a safe word .

Lisa Finn

You still need to have that negotiation ahead of time , especially with something like humiliation , especially with something like small penis humiliation , because maybe part of this kink for you is that you're gonna cower , is that you're not gonna speak up , is that maybe you want to cry ? You know , maybe this is all part of the kink and those things would be a red flag elsewhere . So you want to have that opportunity to have something that , even if you're like , no , don't say that I have a big penis , that's part of the play rather than no , don't say that . So you want to make sure that you have a safe word in play so that if you're trying to say no , don't say that and it's not part of the scene , it is conveyed through that single safe word , you know , and and taking those safe words seriously , even even in a moment of degradation , even in a moment of telling someone that they can't handle something that always needs to be respected .

Annette Benedetti

How does this combine with if it does , mail chastity using a cock cage ? Is that ? Do these two come together at all ?

Lisa Finn

Absolutely . Um . So you know you can always integrate the idea of talking about size in this . But what you're doing with mail chastity , what you're doing maybe with Having your partner be a cuck , all of these things are you can't use your dick . And if we wanted to make it into SPH , you can't use your dick because it's too small for me . You can't use your dick because it's too tiny to get up . Even if they can , you know , if they can get an erection , they won't be able to in that Chastity device . So it plays into that role play .

Annette Benedetti

Well , and you can make fun of them for needing a small Chastity device , like you know , I had to get the smallest one , or I had to write Exactly . Can we talk a little bit about cut-holding ? You brought it up and I was going to ask quickly define cut-holding I do have a whole pod podcast on that and then how it would play into cut-holding and also does not have to . It can just be sit on its own , but it can play into cut-holding correct ?

Lisa Finn

Yes , so this is very specifically for partners with Penis , very often for partners with the Penis that have a partner with Evolva . So the idea is is that the cut would watch as their partner gets fucked by someone else , usually someone else with a Penis , and maybe they touch themselves on the side , maybe they're in Chastity . But the idea is is that they cannot participate . They just have to sit there and watch their partner get fucked by somebody else , right ?

Annette Benedetti

And so what ? How would you tie that into small Penis humiliation , Mm-hmm .

Lisa Finn

So you know , maybe making it a point that the reason why they're having somebody else fuck them is because that person has a bigger Penis than the Cuck . Maybe because they're saying that the Cuck can't satisfy them enough and that's why they needed to bring in another person . Maybe the Cuck can't play because he can't compare to the person that's fucking them . There are so many ways that you can bring this into play , even if you know . If it's been something that they want the other person to go ahead and the bowl , whoever it is , to go ahead and say something . Maybe the two of them can laugh at the Cuck touching themselves . Maybe they can go ahead and point out how small it is as they play , stare at them , make them feel vulnerable . It's just really a matter of integrating that language where size is the focus .

Annette Benedetti

So you can tie this into other kinks . If you have them , you can do it on its own . What else have I missed ? Any crucial questions for small Penis humility ? Oh , aftercare , Aftercare . We definitely need to talk about that . What are some specific aftercare techniques for people On both ends , both the person receiving the SPH and the person giving A lot of ?

Lisa Finn

times the aftercare for a scene like this , for any sort of humiliation play , is going to be getting back to that baseline through communication , through talking to one another , whether it's reassurance , whether it's taking some time to come back into yourself , checking in with your partner , asking how it was , seeing what they need in that moment .

Lisa Finn

Maybe the person that is the dom needs to take that moment to tell their partner like , hey , I really care about you , I just wanna check that that was okay , that I didn't say anything that was too intense . And for the submissive , if they need to check in and say , but I do actually please you in bed , right , or whatever it is that they need here to be reassured , if they want to be reassured . If this is a fetish thing , someone may not ever wanna hear anything besides that they are a tiny little penis boy . So , having that negotiation , having that conversation to see what you need to get back to where you are , but as soon as that aftercare starts , the scene is open . This is no longer you playing into it , not even dabbling a little bit . This has ended . You are speaking realistically from your dynamic that you have day to day your so-called air quotes here , vanilla dynamic .

Annette Benedetti

Yeah , it's important to know those boundaries and to know that you don't just get to like randomly throw out phrases from this kink when you're walking , you know your partner pisses . Yeah , like your partner pisses you off , you don't get to call them a tiny penis boy while you're having an argument Like that's not what's happening .

Lisa Finn

You have a total power exchange thing , which requires a lot , a lot of negotiations . So if you're not sure , if that's a thing , it's not , it requires a lot of negotiation to get there .

Annette Benedetti

Right right . So for our listeners and to my listener who made the request , I hope that this fulfills your request for information . But let's give them like you want to start tonight . You want your penis humiliated . You want to humiliate a penis tonight . What does that look like ? Let's give them their starter package .

Lisa Finn

Yeah . So , starting off , if you've never done humiliation play before , having that be the thing that facilitates the conversation . Ask your Dom what you would like them to say . So asking them hey , do you think I have a tiny little penis ? If that's what you want to hear , as a Dom , if you are the person that's requesting to say this , ask how they feel about humiliation . Ask how they feel about body humiliation , because , again , this could be a very , very heavy insecurity and you don't want to dive in , especially if it's not something that you have ever spoken about before . So take your time , segue in and then explore and make sure that if there are any boundaries to be set , you set them . If there's a safe word to be said , you say it , and if you need aftercare , you go ahead and discuss that .

Annette Benedetti

And in this podcast there were great examples of how to just do it verbally and then work your way up to more physical measures and stuff like that . How to integrate toys toys , you could integrate dildos , cock cages , plenty of stuff like that .

Lisa Finn

Go tune into the CBT episode for sure .

Annette Benedetti

Yeah , head back to the CBT Cock and Ball Torture for any of you who haven't listened .

Lisa Finn

So many acronyms , I know .

Annette Benedetti

It's safer to use them , though , than to say it , because you never know if YouTube or if any of the video clips or audio clips will get me in trouble , which they have .

Lisa Finn

Trust me , I've been in Instagram jail so many times so frustrating .

Annette Benedetti

We're educating . We are educating , all right , so go ahead and give my listeners the rundown of where they can find information from you on Good Vibes and Beybland .

Lisa Finn

Yes , so Beybland you can find us online , beyblandcom , and we are also on social media at Beybland

Underscore Toys

Lisa Finn

. Underscore toys . We've got four shops . So if you're in New York , we've got two in Brooklyn , one in Manhattan , we've also got one in Capitol Hill , seattle , in Washington . Good Vibes you can find us online , goodvibescom , and on social media at Good Vibes toys . So if you have any questions , any follow-ups , if you're looking to get some of these toys , so maybe a little Chastity Cage , you know , check it out . We have all of that available online .

Annette Benedetti

Yes , and I have discount codes that you can use to get a discount when you shop with them . At Good Vibes , it is LRTalk10 for 10% off . That's LRTalk10 for 10% off . At Good Vibes and Beybland , it is LRT10 . That's LRT10 . So there you go . Now go forth and humiliate some small penises or average penises or large penises tonight , with consent . For tiny dicks To tiny dicks . Cheers . We'll see you in the locker room .

Lisa Finn

Cheers .

Annette Benedetti

Ring loop .