Do the sex . Welcome to masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for locker room talk and chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee and bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Ring lobe .
Speaker 1Today's masturbation Monday topic is not of your nice , unwrapping the secret to the gifts of self love and pleasure . Happy holiday , folks . If you are listening to this on the date launched . Well , it is Christmas morning and I am inspired to share with you the secrets to self love , orgasms and self pleasure that I have discovered over the past handful of years , as I have not only made my way through my 365 days of orgasms challenge last year , but also interviewed some of the top experts in pleasure , fucking and coming . Get ready , grab your coffee , listen to the end , because I have some good tidbits to help you on your way to not only having better orgasms , more orgasms , more intense orgasms , all the kinds of orgasms but also nurturing , creating and embracing a life based on self love . Cheers , let's talk about masturbation and self love . Okay , folks , this is gonna be a quick and a dirty . I was inspired to start masturbation Monday because I really did wanna share with you , especially those of you out there who have trouble orgasming . Or if you have a penis , a cock , and you are banging someone with a vulva , if you're having a hard time giving them an orgasm . Listening to masturbation Monday is gonna help you all out , I promise .
Speaker 1But the reality is , accessing your birth right to pleasure requires accessing your birth right to self love . And I know self love is an overused term . It's thrown about , especially in pseudo spiritual communities . People tell you , go to yoga class , you'll find self love . Get these crystal stones , body oils , blah , blah , blah . Somehow they will magically make you love yourself . I am here to tell you it's a bunch of bullshit , but I do have some insight on how to start your journey not only to self love , but an orgasmic , pleasure filled life .
Speaker 1So here is what has worked for me . Here is what I've learned . I'm gonna give you my top tips . I'm gonna start with the least fun and sexy one . First , if you want to start loving yourself more , if you want to start having orgasms , you have to learn to love yourself . You have to find the places where maybe you don't love yourself . If you think , all right , if you're like I do love myself , I think I'm fucking awesome and you aren't orgasming or you're having a hard time orgasming , the first thing you have to do is really look at your relationship with yourself . For the rest of us , who all are like , yeah , fuck , I really self love is not my thing , then you already know you gotta do something about it . But I'm gonna tell you the most important thing you have to do to start your journey towards self love , and that is you have to assess the people you are in connection with right now your lover , your partner , your family , your friends Because you're going to need , in many , many cases , to change , rearrange , set boundaries and even sever relationships .
Speaker 1The reality is a big part of how we see ourselves is through the eyes of those closest to us . This is something you've probably heard before , but it's absolutely true . Take a moment , be still , be quiet . Listen to the voices in your head throughout the day . Listen to the things you say to yourself If they aren't nice , if you find yourself calling yourself stupid or if you find yourself lecturing yourself . If you find yourself taking the wind out of your own sails when you're on the verge of success or excited about something , find who you are connected to . That's helping you nurture that voice .
Speaker 1One of the hardest things I have had to do over the past couple of years , in the past year especially , is attempt to set boundaries on set boundaries on change and sever relationships with people who were feeding my negative self-talk . But let me give you some solid examples . If you're like I don't know , what am I supposed to look for ? My friends are all great , my friends are all nice , my boyfriend's awesome , my girlfriend's awesome Things to look for . Who's the first person to notice when you put a couple extra pounds on and point it out ? Do people in your life rejoice when you find even the smallest success ? Do they celebrate you or do you feel the sting of back-handed compliments often ? Are your friends giving you constructive criticism or are they criticizing you ? It's a fine line .
Speaker 1Now , throughout my life I've done a pretty good job of ending walking away from some super damaging relationships . But here's what I found I was re-inviting the same kinds of people back into my life . And so over the past couple of years , but really , especially the last year , I started setting boundaries . I started recognizing that I was re-inviting people into my life that were reinforcing , holding up , restating messaging that was traumatizing and damaging and standing in the way of my progress towards loving myself and having a joy-filled , pleasure-filled life . Now I'm not saying go and cut everybody out of your life Certainly don't do that but I think really learning what boundaries are and how to stand up for yourself , how to say to the people who you really do want to love and accept you that they aren't actually loving and accepting you through their actions and through their words that is tough , man . It's tough , and the reality is some people will hear your boundaries and they will change their behaviors and they will stay in your life and your relationship will flourish . And other people will not be able to receive those messages and they will leave Some of them quietly , some of them slowly and some of them in a fiery fucking rage . But that is the first thing you have to do if you want to start making your way towards a more orgasmic life . True story Maybe hard for you to see the connection right now , but I'm going to work on getting you there , because the next thing you have to do is something I do every morning .
Speaker 1Now you don't have to do it the way that I do it , but every morning I get up out of bed I stand completely naked in front of the mirror . I look myself in the eye first , and then I really look at myself and I listen to what voice arises . I listen to the things that I start saying . Sometimes those things are loud and obvious . Sometimes my loud , obvious voice is like oh , you're awesome and that . Look at you . But the whispers in the back of my mind are critical , sometimes even hateful . Every morning I do this . Sometimes I try to do it in the afternoon and evening .
Speaker 1I feel like if the day goes on , it gets more and more difficult . And then I start working with those voices compassionately . I don't yell at the voice that's saying oh God , look at those thighs or look at your stomach , or you look old today , or you look tired , whatever it is . Whatever the shitty things I'm saying are . I don't then turn to that voice and say God , you're being an asshole , fuck off . Obviously that would not be helpful . I start to have a gentle conversation with myself and say and that's not what we're doing today . That's not what we're doing today . I know you're feeling stressed , I know you're feeling less than , but there is no reason for that and I really start loving on myself .
Speaker 1Self-love isn't just looking at your body and saying , hey , I look hot today . It's talking to that inner person , whether it's an inner child , that part of you that says the ugly things , that repeats the shit that the people in your life have said to you in the past that took those things , decided they were going to believe them and then started chattering in the back of your mind . So every morning I get a bit stripped down to my paraself and I really have a loving , nurturing conversation . It's also humorous the way I'm talking to you very much , very much how I talk to myself . I'm not like I don't get all like woo in the bedroom with myself , but I have a real conversation and I make friends with myself . I make peace to myself and then I make love to myself . And once I've comforted myself , once I've been compassionate to myself , once I've pointed out all of the things that I love about myself to myself , once I've laughed about some of the things I'm insecure about with myself , I am definitely ready to fuck myself .
Speaker 1And listen , this should sound a lot like what leads to wanting to have sex with someone else . Right , we don't want to fuck people who are shitty to us , who make us feel low , who cut us down , who tell us we're ugly , who tell us we're not aging the way we want to age . You know , I don't want to fuck that person . I'm not going to be fucking that person . Hopefully you're not going to be fucking that person either . Why the hell would you want to fuck yourself if that is how you feel about yourself ? So the final step in this process is then making love to yourself , and I do mean okay , I'm saying making love , but hey , if you are like , hey , all right , I'm feeling good , let's fuck , you can fuck yourself , you can fuck yourself lovingly , you can fuck yourself as part of making love to yourself .
Speaker 1Now people would argue breaking out the porn and getting down and dirty , having a fucking gang bang post , having a loving talk to yourself , is counterintuitive . I say do whatever you feel in the moment . You want to do . Right , if you want to go and get massage oils and , like , put them on your breast , pussy and use your hands to really stay in touch with yourself and make love to yourself , do it . You want to go get the thruster prime ? I can't . I will be introducing you to that motherfucker soon enough . I can't even remember how many strokes a minute , but that is like a pounding . If I want to pound myself , I go to Poundtown with that thing .
Speaker 1But that's the beauty of masturbation Monday . That's the beauty of masturbating . That's the beauty of creating a relationship with yourself so you can fuck yourself . Well , is that you get to start to learn the different ways you want to receive pleasure . You get to start learning the different things that turn you on and feeling okay with them . Because if you feel good about fucking yourself like if you if you feel good about suction , cupping the thruster prime onto your wall , backing up to it and getting pounded after telling yourself how much you love yourself , trust me , it's going to be a lot easier to Tell that person you've invited into your bedroom . That's what you want them to do to you .
Speaker 1Right , because you're finding your voice . You're finding and creating your voice . Through this process , you're taking the negative voices out of your life that come from other people , right , whether it was a voice that was created , your parents when you were little , or you know the shitty first little group of friends that you had when you were in grade school , or your teachers , who are , who are critical , or whoever the church you were from . You're rewriting the story and the language in your own mind about yourself . You're learning to turn it into one that is empowering , nurturing , loving , and then and then , when you're in that great place with yourself , you're learning to ask for and receive and give yourself what you want Because you deserve it . You deserve the gift of orgasms . You deserve the gift of pleasure .
Speaker 1Self love and pleasure is your fucking birthright and so many of us have had it taken from us through sometimes not so obvious traumas , just maybe being brought up in a hyper critical Family or environment . Some of us have had it taken from us , and really awful , violent ways . But there is a path to reclaiming it and I hope that some of these steps I'm sharing with you , these things that I am doing in my own life I'm not talking out of my ass . I'm not like going to some fucking guru to give you this advice . I am living this every day . I am doing this work every day and I am sharing it with you , hoping that it will be received as a gift and that at least some of it will resonate with you and that you'll start to integrate it into your own life and at least begin on the path towards feeling more pleasure in your life , feeling more love and acceptance in your life , because you deserve it . You deserve it . So there it is .
Speaker 1Don't worry , I have a masturbation Monday Coming up that will be inspired by the Threstler Prime and will tell you all about that machine . That is a machine , for sure , but until then , I hope that your holiday season is filled with love , pleasure , orgasms , togetherness . I hope you're surrounded by a community of folks that are not in the right place . There are folks that lift you up and treat you well , and that you're having masturbation sessions that blow your mind . If you have any questions , if you have thoughts on what I've said , disagree , agree , want to add your take , you can email me at annette at she explores lifecom . Hope to hear from you . Happy holidays Until next time . See you in the locker room . Cheers .