Do the sex . Welcome to masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for locker room talk and chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee and bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Ring loop .
Speaker 1Today's masturbation Monday topic is praise for penetration pleasure beyond the clit . For years now , the clit has been the center of attention when it comes to the world of a woman's pleasure , and this has been very important to closing the orgasm gap that exists between men and women . As most of you , I hope , who are listening right now know , there is a huge chasm between the amount of orgasms men have during penetrative sex with women and the amount of orgasms women are having . Studies have shown that very few women have orgasms from penetration alone and most women need at least some clitoral stimulation . But the conversation I want to have today around my own masturbation practice and sex and pleasure specifically , is how important penetrative pleasure is for women to experience deep , heartfelt , soul felt , body , rocking pleasure . I don't want to say that the focus that's been put on the clitoris has been overdone , because it has not . What I do want to say is that there is not enough focus on the other parts of a woman's body and pussy that are necessary for truly satisfying sexual and sensual experiences . In one of my last masturbation Monday conversations , I made the comment about the clit being king or queen of everything and questioning that , and I've continued to question that in this week's masturbation practice . Because I can tell you this right now after my G spot , a spot vaginal pleasure spots woke up two years ago , I have found that my orgasms from the clit alone are not nearly as satisfying as orgasms that include those pleasure spots being activated . And this is not the education that's going out to the masses . This is not the education that is going out specifically to men who are with women when it comes to giving them pleasure . So I want to talk about A that a little bit , and B . How am I personally going to figure out how to give myself that kind of internal stimulation in a way that brings about the satisfying orgasms I am chasing ? So grab your coffee cup and let's get ready to talk about masturbation Cheers .
Speaker 1So I want to kick this conversation off with a lie that I was told all growing up , which was some women don't orgasm at all . And look , I know there are probably women out there that don't orgasm , but I do not think by any means it's the majority . And that was sort of the story I was told . The other story I was told was that most women don't experience internal pleasure . The other lie I was told was that many women can't experience pleasure from internal stimulation and can't have orgasms from internal stimulation . And I don't believe that to be true at all anymore . I think still it's very few of us , I don't think the majority of us have orgasms from that . But I don't think it's because it's not possible . I think it's because , essentially , we've been cut off from our own pleasure our whole lives and we come from ancestors where women's pleasure wasn't even on the table . I think about the women that came before me in my family line and I feel so fucking sorry for them . Just probably ugh lives of just being literally receptacles for men's sperm . Ugh , it's just , it's depressing . But I want to change that because two years ago I discovered that I am more than after a life . Two years ago I was 48 , 47 before I really experienced orgasms from the G spot and the A spot , all the spots inside my vagina , they all woke up folks . They all woke up and I was like , oh my God , I have this thing . And I know if I have this thing because orgasms have been very elusive for me throughout my life that I'm pretty sure most other women do too .
And here's the saddest thing I hear from women all of the time they don't want anything to do with penetration . I mean , they're happy with clitoral stimulation . They're like , yeah , I die , but I don't ever need anything in my vagina again . And it makes me so sad for several reasons . First of all , they are missing out on just incredible sensual experiences . And I'm not saying they need a dick , they don't need a dude to access it , that's for sure . They certainly don't need a dude who doesn't know how to use his dick . And I'm sorry sirs out there listening to me right now , but there are a lot of you that really don't know how to use your tool . But without penetration , bad things happen to the vagina , especially once you've hit middle age and post having babies , if you have babies . But just as you age there's a deterioration and atrophy , a health risk that starts to elevate when there's no stimulation of your vaginal walls and skin . So it's a health risk not to experience any penetration beyond that .
Speaker 1I've said it before and I'll say it again women's pleasure is our birth right . It's something that we should always be able to do and have until the day we die , and most of us will never even know the extent to which we can experience pleasure and orgasm . I've been kind of leaning away from saying orgasm in this episode , because the point is I can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation , but it does not mean I've experienced body rocking pleasure . How many times have I hit my clit , rubbed it , put the sucking toy on it I love the clit sucking toys right on my clit , knocked out an orgasm and been like well , that was nice but not felt satisfied at all . You can have an orgasm and have it not be satisfying or good at all , and in my masturbation practice that was happening a lot . I was just going straight for the clit with whatever toy , knocking out my orgasm and feeling unseesheeted and still feeling like I was missing something and needing something . And of course then in my mind I'm thinking I need someone , I need someone and I don't . I don't need someone . I don't need someone for pleasure , I don't need someone for sexual satisfaction , and that's that's why I'm cultivating this practice Right . So I'm giving myself everything I need . I am manifesting abundance , I'm manifesting the things in my life I want . So here's what I want to say . Well , the clit is important and it needs attention , for sure . It should not be the center of your sexual masturbatory practice . Exploration should be .
Speaker 1I was thinking about how I have sex with people with vulvas and how people have sex with me . And if there is one thing I cannot stand , it's when I start messing around with someone and they go straight for my clit . They just go straight in with the dry hand and start poking away at my clit and then , of course , then they do this really fast rubbing thing , as though like if they rub it really fast , like somehow that's going to make me come faster , when they haven't attended to anything else . They haven't even tried to wake up the rest of my body or the rest of my vulva or check to see if there's any like a wetness inside , and I don't mean like shoving your finger inside my vagina to see if I what I'm like slipping it . Slipping it and carefully being very careful , like taking your time .
Speaker 1When I have sex with a woman , I take my time . I'm like thank God , as I am here , I take my time and I like try to wake up the whole body , starting with the skin , running my fingers over her skin , on her back , on her arms , on her breast , on her stomach , on her inner thighs , around the outer labia . Then I run my fingertips over the clit , make sure she's waking up . I say good morning , I'm coming for you . I'm not going to jab you yet , but wake up . Wake up , we're going to start playing . Then I go down towards the vaginal opening . I say hello , wake up , I'm coming for you . That's how I have sex with a woman . Then I touch the clit and I stroke the clit softly , but I also make sure I'm stroking all of the other areas and circle back to her , then circle around and start to put my finger inside .
Speaker 1I check that spot right inside the vagina . The G spot is right inside the vagina . You don't have to jam your finger all of the way in , it's just right inside the vagina and it puffs up . That baby puffs up , it gets wet and it puffs up when it's happy and excited . I check for that feeling , the puffy feeling . Of course , usually by then she's making noises too . But I also know women were sneaky . We know how to make noises that make people think we're doing something right .
Speaker 1Then I head back to the clit . But I don't , just I don't , I don't go for the clit and spend like 10 minutes on it before I touch anything else . Why is that happening in my masturbation practice ? I never do this stuff with myself that I do with other women . No wonder , no wonder .
Speaker 1My masturbation practice is disappointing . That is what I am going to be doing . Does my G spot puff up when she's excited ? I don't know . Someone asked me . I was having this conversation with them the other day . Someone asked me well , does your G spot do that ? I'm like I don't know . I don't know how , do I not know ? Well , I'm going to give myself some grace . I just found my G spot in the last year or two . I found it really through toys and not using my fingers . I rarely use my fingers to penetrate myself . It's something I'm going to have to start doing . I wouldn't even say it's something like I'm that excited about doing , but I did not do it this week , folks . What I did do this week was start focusing on having blended orgasms using a penetrative toy while also activating my clit .
Speaker 1I'm going to tell you this much right now those orgasms have been far better , far better than my clit orgasms . I have actually been shocked at how much the hot spots in my vagina I'm talking about the A spot , the PRO spot , the G spot how easily activated they are these days . I actually prefer deeply the pleasure they bring me over the pleasure I get from my clit . My clit's nice , it's nice , but it is definitely not as satisfying as waking up those spots , lighting them up and then having an orgasm with them activated and also coming . I guess you'd call it climaxing . Basically , the way I would describe a blended orgasm is that I've got the G spot , maybe the A spot and my clit all contracting at the same time .
Speaker 1Now that my friend and that is a full body orgasm , that is a sit-up inducing orgasm . Like I will do a full on crunch when that shit's happening and it is so satisfying . And the other thing I notice is when I'm in the midst of that orgasmic state , which is different than the climax right , if you've listened to locker room talk and shots , you got to go back to the episode where I talk about the difference between an orgasm and a climax . They are very different things and this is key to really coming hard . But when I'm in that orgasmic state of pleasure with all those spots lit up , there are spots all over my body that light up that can cause me little climaxes my breasts , my neck , my lower pelvis , my stomach . Just glide a hand over those areas and I will like . That is what I'm exploring and while I want listeners to remember the clip is super important I want y'all to stop attacking it and reclaim the pleasure of penetration as your own . Take it away from being a thing that a penis owner does and make it your own .
Speaker 1Penetration is not the evil that I think a lot of women feel it is . We've all had really bad experiences with it . I think most women have had bad experiences with penetration where we've had partners who've just shoved their fingers or their dick or their tongue in our vagina and at best it just doesn't feel good , at worst it hurts . I know most women have gritted their teeth through a pounding that they hated . I have yet to meet a woman who's not said to me that at some point they've just had a get through a guy pumping away at them ? And I know a lot of women who would be perfectly happy never experiencing any kind of penetration again . And it really breaks my heart , because penetration shouldn't be a bad word and it shouldn't be a bad thing .
Speaker 1Our vaginas are a goldmine of pleasure spots that can help us access deep connection with ourselves and with our lovers . But the key is Finding those pleasure spots , getting to know them , waking them up , building trust with them . You have to build trust with the pleasure spots inside your vagina and most of us have broken that trust , not on purpose , but by allowing people inside us who didn't honor our needs or care about our needs or stop when we ask them to stop or slow down . When we ask them to slow down . We have broken trust with our bodies by allowing men and people with cocks to pound away at us instead of telling them to stop the minute it felt uncomfortable . We have been raised in a society that told us our pleasure didn't matter and has taught us to be performative . It's taught us to be performative in a sexy way . It's taught us to be performative to get through things . We know how to fake orgasms like prose . The one thing we don't know is how to really access our own pleasure .
Speaker 1If I had one wish for every vulva owner out there especially those of you that have shied away from penetration in masturbation and in your sexual experience it's that I would wish for you that you have the experience that I did and that you're able to start to get to know your body and get to know your vagina and your vulva better and you start to gain access to these deep , powerful pleasure centers . I believe that there's just so much power in finding your own sensuality , sexuality and pleasure , because , truly , women are the leaders in bed . Women are the leaders in bed in our sex lives , in the sex sphere in the world . We are the ones that run the show . I don't care what anyone else is telling you , I'm telling you right now . We run the show , and I've said it before on this podcast . I'll say it again Sex is important .
Speaker 1Sensuality is important because it is connected to every other part of our lives . It is what makes this world go round , our society perpetuate , and probably the most successful piece of oppression that has ever been put upon women is taking away our sexual power , oppressing our sexual power , cutting us off from our access to pleasure . Our innate knowledge of our own bodies has been kept from us by being raised in a society where we've been shamed for wanting sex , wanting pleasure , being sensual sexual creatures . We've been told that's shameful . We've been disempowered through that process and by taking time to get to know these internal spots , getting all up in there when you're alone and there are so many amazing toys that can help you do that . But yeah , let's all start with our fingers . I don't know . I'm going to give it a try this week . I'll let you know how it goes next week .
Speaker 1I do want to challenge women everywhere , people with vulvas , to explore penetration on their own . So here is my challenge for you this week . Here's what I found works for me and I would love for you to share what works for you . Email me at annette at sheexploreslifecom . All right , I want you to start by waking up the pussy , gently , giving the clit some attention , but then exploring to start your G spot . You can use a finger , a small toy and then see if , once those places are activated , if you can go deeper and find different pleasure spots inside your vagina Slowly , carefully . You can use a vibrator if you want to give yourself a little deeper stimulation without actually going deeper . But start to explore .
Speaker 1Use your masturbation practice as an opportunity for exploration . You don't even have to shoot for an orgasm , like that's not the purpose . Make your practice less about the orgasm , more about discovery , discovering what makes your body light up , what makes you feel good , feel full , feel orgasmic . Remember the orgasmic state is different than the climax . You want to be in that like , oh , super sexual charged state . Find the places in your body that do that . You don't have to save that experience for while you're in a sexual situation . If you can manifest it within yourself and learn what brings it about , then you can take it into any situation you want to with another person and create that again . You can tell them what to do . You already know what to do . I'm still just figuring all of this stuff out .
Speaker 1But masturbation should be exploratory . It shouldn't be a layback . You know , attack your click , get to the orgasm and be done . I mean , that's how guys fuck us , right ? Why would we do that to ourselves ? We complain about that all the time . Why are we doing that to ourselves in bed ? That's my challenge to you Reclaim penetration . Let me know how it goes , email me , message me . You can find me on all the socials . You know where I am , bing Benedetti on Instagram locker room . Talking shots on Instagram , facebook . Come find me , tell me how it's going . Until next time I'll see you in the locker room . Cheers .