Do the sex . Hi , this is Annette Vinedetti , your hostess for a locker room talk and chocks , the podcast that likes to think of itself as the queer NPR of raunchy women's sex talk . You are about to sit in on the kind of conversations women have on their girls' nights out or behind closed doors , while enjoying delicious drinks and dishing about sex . Think , fun , honest and feminist as fuck , and always with a goal of fighting the patriarchy . One female orgasm at a time . Welcome to the locker room .
Speaker 1Today's locker room talk and shots reboot is one of my faves , of course , and it's super helpful to listeners everywhere who want to please vulva owners , or posies if you'd rather . It is clit , oral sex , what to know when you go down on her . So this is all about pleasing people with vulvas orally and , best of all , the advice is coming from women with vulvas who like to go down on women . So we are speaking to you from the position of being people who have received and know what it feels like and who also enjoy giving . So enjoy this episode , know you are getting the best of the best advice and insight , and then go forth and pleasure those posies . Cheers Today my guest who has been on several of my podcasts with me and is returning for this really exciting topic is Abbie , and I will let Abbie say hello and reintroduce herself .
Speaker 2Hi everybody , I'm back .
Speaker 1Abbie and you're very excited about talking about . This is great , this is . This is a very important topic , one that you and I have talked about often .
Speaker 2And I love the gender inclusivity . Now look at me .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm learning and growing . To be clear , we are talking about oral sex that is given to people with posies actually , more technically correct , I believe people who are vulva owners . And a little fun little fact for listeners A vulva consists of the outer and inner vaginal lips , the clitoris , the vaginal opening and the sensitive groove between the clit and vagina . So if you have or would like to go down on someone who has those body parts , that's what we're going to be talking about . And the drink for the day . Well , folks , look , I've made a lot of fucking cocktails this year , so I cannot find a themed cocktail that we've clearly already had the giveaway . I cannot find a themed cocktail that really met my needs for this podcast . So I decided to become a little bit of a mixologist myself and I have created what I'm calling the pretty pussy . The pretty pussy is a twist on the wet ass pussy and the pink pussy .
Speaker 1It's a locker room talk special and if you want to put this podcast on pause and run to your liquor cabinet and join in the fun , you can . Sorry , the locker room talk dogs are hopping around in here . We talked about them last time , but you can go to our website and find the recipe at locker room talk podcastcom , and I will have that recipe up for you before this air , is that's for sure . So , anyways , let's raise our glasses . Abby , thank you for joining me . Always happy to be here . Let's talk about sex . It's a good drink . You guys will like it , I mean very subtle .
Speaker 1So there is just so much to talk about . Where to start , abby , I wanted to start with sort of how this conversation came about . Yeah , a while back I wrote an article on she explores lifecom and it was called why risk being risk game and it was all about why I write about and talk about women's sexuality and one of the things little factoids I had looked up was on the orgasm gap , and it wasn't just between men and women , and I don't have the stats in front of me , I have them loosely remembered because because I'm not that organized folks . But the point being is , heterosexual men had the highest rate of orgasm , was in the 80 percentile and then right below that . Bisexual men had the highest orgasm percentile and then right below that . So all within I believe the 80 percent range of success meaning they get to have orgasms was lesbians .
Speaker 1Now , lesbians don't only have oral sex guys . I know that a lot of people out there seem to have this idea that that's the kind of sex lesbians have . They just eat each other out . That is not true . There is penetration , there are toys , there's lots of other things that happen . However , to be fair , a lot of oral sex does tend to happen in lesbian sex . Now , interestingly enough , the gap occurs when you turn your sights on poor heterosexual women . It drops to a 60 something in the 60 percent range Again you can go to . She explores life , if you want to actually see the stats . And then right below that , the cohort of humans that have the least number of orgasms was bisexual women . I tell you all of this because I would say when I think of oral sex with women or men , I assume the best oral sex would be received by other women and other vagina owners other vulva owners .
Speaker 1Yeah , this is where the topic kind of came up as an idea , and this happened in a conversation between Abby and I . I recently was seeing a lesbian and was shocked at the oral sex I received . It was easily one of the least pleasurable experiences I had in the oral sex realm and I was a little bit shocked by it and it got me to thinking about oral sex and how complex it is for for vulva , vulva , oh my god .
Speaker 2Vulva owners , people with vulvas . The word vulva , because it's going to be a problem all throughout this . It's a big one , yeah , because you do expect . I think there's a lot of expectations when it comes to , there's a lot going on down there , yeah , and you don't ever really consider that somebody may not know what they're doing , especially when it's a woman , right . Slept with women .
Speaker 1I sleep with men and women , and so I'm bisexual . This has been mentioned in the past . Both Abby and I identify as bisexual , so we have both received and given . I'm making an assumption , abby . Have you gone down on a woman ? Yeah , okay , I'm just .
Speaker 2But yeah , and then it kind of brings up this conversation of like , okay , we need more community , we need more communication , but in your case with your ex girlfriend , she was like not open to communication , which kind of like made it that much more worse .
Speaker 1Right . Well , so to be fair , that's not exactly accurate . Like , she definitely asked for communication , but I think one of the things that we've talked about in all the podcasts about women's sexuality is how key communication is for good sex , and so there's this assumption that communication is just in the moment or even before having conversations . But communication is more complex than that . She asked for communication , but I the way . The best way to explain this is when I was much , much younger , I had one , probably many , but one specific boyfriend who , when I'd have sex with him , if I didn't have an orgasm , I had to endure hours , sometimes days , of like , whining and like why didn't you come ? You don't like having sex with me , something's wrong with me , is my dick too small ? And an effort to avoid that conversation which ruined the enjoyment I was getting out of sex . I learned to fake an orgasm . Yeah , so it wasn't that she wanted communication , but in our particular relationship it was very she was prone to be upset very easily about things that I could not comprehend .
Speaker 2It's not super receptive .
Speaker 1So I assumed saying what the fuck are you doing ? What is that ? When she was having oral sex with me would start a whole slew of like new problems that we had to work through and I just Would you say what the fuck are you doing ?
Speaker 2Or would you say , dude , can you go to the left , can you go to the right ? Can you do a little circle , can you do a little figure eight , like , were you being like constructive with your criticism , or just like critical ?
Speaker 1I didn't give her any criticism because there was this fear that if I started to direct her Because of her past experience , well , and because my experiences with her like little little comments seem to have big impact . So communication is so much more complicated than just yeah , I mean , that's true .
Speaker 1Most of the time you would think you could just say those things which we'll get to , because all of those things she mentioned are techniques you could use . But communication is such you know like ultimately what we will . I think any conversation around oral sex or sex comes down to communication . But the reality is communication is never what in relationships . A one night stand , I would just be like what are you doing ? I would like very . I mean , if I , if I'm only going to be with someone for , you know , whatever , a handful of hours , I would not bother , it's a little bit more direct , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1You just say , hey , yeah , I'm here to get something out of this In a relationship , though it goes beyond that sexual moment . You know you have to deal with them after , so so , yeah , anyways . So we decided let's talk about clitoral sex . Abby , abby . Where should we start ? Where do we even start ?
Speaker 2There's so many places to start . I guess what I will say is that it goes both ways right , Like .
Well , what I'll say is I felt confident about my dick sucking skills and there is there's always this assumption , as you sort of like come into your sexuality , that there's just like a one size fits all sort of approach . And I remember getting feedback early on and kind of realizing , oh like one size doesn't fit all , because there's these generalizations that get kind of like tossed around in , you know , sexual conversation .
Speaker 1So wait , when ? When you were dick sucking ? Yeah , and this is kind of just .
Speaker 2This is kind of just a jump off to the , to the larger topic . You know there's these generalizations that go around of like you know never use teeth , or you know you need to go fast , or like you need to go like put the whole dick in your mouth , and so you kind of hold on to those kind of generalizations and assumptions when you're young and you're starting out and then you realize pretty quickly that , like , not everybody likes that . Some people do like a little bit of teeth and some people this is very true and some people do like it slower and some people don't like you to go all the way down . Some people like you to like focus just on the head and some people don't I feel confident in your dick sucking skills now .
Speaker 2But part of it is like you can't . You may have techniques in the in your back pocket , but those techniques don't really mean anything until you hear what that person really needs , right , you know from from their mouth and so to your point around like communication . It's an equal exchange . You know you need to be able to be somebody who says this is the kind of thing that I like and can you do it ? And for me I think it's more beneficial to be in both . You know , talk about your preferences and what really gets you off before you have sex . I think that that can be part of like the foreplay period , right , because , as we know , foreplay isn't just like oral sex and finger banging or whatever you want to call it , although those are great .
Speaker 2Those are great . But it's also like the communication , the sort of , you know , slow build . Yeah , also communication during sex , so like while you're in the act , and being able to both direct in a sexy way and , like you know , loving , compassionate way , but also like receive the feedback in like a really open way , and I think that that's really the foundation of any good sexual experience , right ? So , yeah , I mean we can go into specifics , but I feel like one thing we were talking about when we were preparing for this podcast was , like every person has a different body .
Speaker 2One part of good oral sex for people who have vulvas and vaginas is to have your partner understand anatomy and the anatomy of a vulva and vagina and kind of like how generally it works . So , to your point of like lesbians and bisexual women , like , or people who have vaginas , like giving oral sex to somebody else who has vagina , really is true , to a certain degree , you know , they kind of understand intuitively , like right , what that's going to feel like . But that only goes so far , to a certain degree , because each person is so different in what they want and need . Because you know , some people really want you to focus on the clip and they want you to like , have like , a certain type of pressure , and they want you to repeat the movements in a sort of consistent pattern .
Speaker 1Well , that is something we should talk about after we drink more Cheers . So communication key , understanding the anatomy so it's interesting to me also . I want to rewind a little bit . You mentioned that you are confident in your dick sucking skills . I , on the other hand , am the opposite . I was just talking to my partner the other day , who happens to own a dick or have a dick , and I said like I have never felt confident in my dick sucking skills . I think also this is going to sound kind of rude . There was part of me that , even though I was like I have no idea how this feels to you I do not have a cock I don't like . In my cock sucking experience , men seem to kind of all just have the same I mean same they seem generally happy . If you're doing it and I mean every once in a while I'll get a direction like oh , keep doing that , or go deeper or whatever it is , but generally they're just kind of pleased if you're doing it .
Speaker 1That's been my experience . However , when it comes to going down on women , I have always felt pretty confident . Not that I think part of it was because I am pretty familiar with the anatomy , I think , also knowing what I like . But more than that , I feel like a big part of making sure that you're a pleasing woman is paying attention to how their body reacts to whatever touch you're doing . There are a lot of things that happen Well , like sounds , obviously , and body movements , but then once you actually , if your fingers are inserted inside a woman while you are going down on them , their body will change . There are , you know , the parts of them will swell or start to get wet when something really excites them . There are a whole bunch of signs you can look for and it's something that I just feel naturally in tune to . I do not like guys , like generally . I just don't feel like I'm reading , you know .
Speaker 2Yeah , I mean , I think there's an intuitive nature to sex always .
Speaker 1Yeah , maybe I just feel like my intuition is better when it comes to women , women's bodies and reaction , Though that's not true . I have definitely had a complain or two about my coxswagging skills . I might have accidentally bit down once or twice . Yeah , caused damage on accidents .
Speaker 2Well , I mean my experience has been that I had a lot of fun and I was kind of getting too into it , and that's the thing is like , those things happen right .
Speaker 1It's like a learning curve .
Speaker 2But there has been situations where it's just vastly different from dick to dick and pussy to pussy , right it is . I mean , there's like a sort of category over here of , you know , the vulva and sort of like the option .
Speaker 2Can we just cheer as to the difference between dick to dick , the picture in my head is but you know , there's this sort of like group of actions over here with like vulvas and group of actions over here with a dick . Yeah , but within that there's more variety , almost right within the category dick versus vulva . Then there is between , I would say . So you know , you kind of just can't always assume that you know the partner that you're with is going to like whatever is like shown on TV or what your last partner liked .
Speaker 2Exactly . Maybe that's part of it .
Speaker 1Exactly Like , because you do like typically take like whatever was a hit with your last partner . You're like oh God , this great trick .
Speaker 2I'm bringing to the table and that makes sense though , of course , and there's nothing like I've been cut , I have muscle memory . This thing worked , yeah . But then you kind of have to be open to constructive criticism and at the same time , even if you're open to the constructive criticism you may be with a partner who's not like confident enough to like express themselves and their wants and needs . Yeah , and that's a whole other bag of chips . Yeah , that's a whole other bag .
Speaker 1Right .
Speaker 2That needs to be opened and explored .
Speaker 1Right . So I want to ask you this when it comes to going down on a woman giving oral sex to a vulva owner , what is your go to move ? Like you got a new vulva in front of you . It's been a while since you've been around a vulva , but you remember this one thing that tends to work across the board what is it ?
Speaker 2Well I'm , I genuinely my only go to move across the board is like slowly moving down , so like kissing the mouth and then kind of like kissing or like licking down a little love true .
Speaker 2Exactly . So that's like literally my only go to move , and then when I'm down there I might use a thumb or like , lick a little bit , but then I'll say , like , what do you like ? And depending on how they answer if they're direct or if they say like or if they're like whatever you know , if they're shy generally versus like direct generally it'll kind of determine which way I go . So if somebody's a little shy , I will try things and then just like check in and be like do you like this ? Does this feel good ? Do you want me to go harder ? Do you want me to go softer ? Do you like fingers , do you ?
Speaker 2like you know . So there's a lot of me doing the work for them , honestly right , but other people who are more direct , it's easy because I'm just like cool , I will do that .
Speaker 2Right , you know so yeah , I genuinely don't really have like a go to move other than kind of trying to navigate like what they're interested in , because there's been . There's some people who really like a fast tongue flick on the clit right and other people who like you to really like switch it up and use hands at the same time as tongue and like absolutely move things around and kind of talk to them , um , like you really just kind of have to have fun with it and not be so in your head Because these are fun .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's not hard , exactly . So I think it's more of just kind of like enjoying . You know , kind of like John Mayer said , your body is a wonderland , like it really is just sort of like an enjoyable experience where you get to kind of play and check in and like laugh and be giggly and like silly and tender and really like honoring their body and the connection that you have . And so when you were talking about the intuitive nature of like sex earlier , I feel like that that's something that sort of comes a little bit more naturally , generally speaking with women , because we're socialized in that way .
Speaker 1Yeah , and so , for sure , I think we're socialized to be more intimate , and even with each other in a heterosexual sense .
Speaker 2Women hug each other , hold hands and , like you know what I mean we're very affectionate , yeah , um empathic and tuned in and really like paying attention to the body language that you were mentioning before , around , like how their body's moving . Are they pushing towards you more ? Are they like closing up ? Um , is their body like swelled , are they ?
Speaker 2are their nipples hard Like are they watching you or are they closing their eyes , and obviously that's dependent , but it's really about learning somebody as you go and being open to you , know being responsive and them being responsive to you , and just like sort of not putting so much pressure on the skill based aspect , and while we're talking about I mean so far conversation has really been about women giving women oral sex .
Speaker 1This is all . All of this stuff applies to male partners or penis owners , going down on bull owners as well . Right , I mean it applies across
the board . And I think for me , like at , one of the biggest things that I've realized across my dating life and having sex with both men and women in and out of relationships , is that receiving really good oral sex is not necessarily something that comes more naturally to vulva owners than penis owners . Some of the best oral sex I've received has actually been with men from men . Mine's fucking blown . It blew my mind . This little factoid blows my mind .
Speaker 2And I think chemistry plays a major role into that and the emotional safety that you have with that person . So , from person to person , how open that you feel like you can be to receive whatever's being given to you Sometimes quote unquote vanilla sex can be mind blowing if somebody really makes you feel safe and able to just like release all of whatever it is that you bring to the table when you're not in that space of playfulness and eroticism .
Speaker 1Cheers to that . Cheers to that .
Speaker 2Hey , vanilla friends , we are raising a cup to your vanilla sex and validating that vanilla sex can be mind blowing too , but yeah , I think , if we want to critique some of the specific details of oral sex for our purposes , is bisexual women , and I don't know if you identify as bi just for cis men and women , but I would say I identify as bi along the pan sexual continuum or spectrum , however you want to define it . So I think the biggest thing for me is somebody who's not like confident in , like hearing constructive criticism and like really struggles to be playful in bed .
Speaker 1God , it's such a click killer . Yeah Well , generous will like run right back up in my body .
Speaker 2Because I mean , it's it's . It doesn't need to be something that we hold on to right . We don't need to be like I think sex is such a vulnerable space and it's so easy to go , to be triggered in that space and to go back to our younger selves of 1415 16 , when we quote unquote lost our virginity and we're so wrapped up in like am I doing this right ? Am I right ?
Speaker 2you know the shame stuff comes out for sure , and so if both of you can hold space for like playfulness and slayness and like constructive criticism , that just like you're starting off in like a really good place Right .
Speaker 1I feel like I want to move on to talking about and we can both take turns with this what do you like when someone heads south ? What's your ? What are you hoping happens ?
Speaker 2I honestly don't really like it when people try to like slow build . Not that I don't like foreplay . I think the foreplay that I like is not physical foreplay , it's like a mental , emotional foreplay eyeing me all night , like really like attentive , not necessarily calling me beautiful , but just like talking to me about what they want to do to me , so like turning me on in my brain . Right , and just that kind of like , just the anticipation around , like Well , you're saying talk like it's like sex talk .
Speaker 2I like the audacity of it and the taboo nature of you know , whispering in my ear when we're out , like at a restaurant or a bar together , yeah , and you're talking to me about what you want to do , but you're not like hurried to leave either . You really that's the slow build that I'm into , right , and then when we get to a space where we can have sex , I don't want you to like kiss me all the way down , or which is what physical , and just do though you do the kiss all the way down , but you don't like the kiss all the way down .
Speaker 2No , I like it when somebody just goes for it , me too . And I like it when they yeah , they use hands and mouth at the same time .
Speaker 1Definitely .
Speaker 2But not like fingering me . Oh , I don't need you to like , that's not what I mean . I want you to like explore with your hands and like look at it and like rub it with your fingers and also use tongue , and back and forth , and back and forth , and but you like a lot of stimulation , essentially .
Speaker 2Yeah , but yeah , and I'm not somebody who's like super sensitive in the sense you can't go back for more immediately , but I do like repetitive , like kind of staying in the same rhythm until I come . It's also very easy for me to come like both internal stimulation and externally .
Speaker 1I hate you .
Speaker 2I can have multiple orgasms and it's not hard . You can be a pretty like bad lover and I can come pretty quickly .
Speaker 1Oh , that is Wow , wow .
Speaker 2You know to be finger fucked or whatever . It's just like . Don't put it in right away Because it's not welcoming you .
Speaker 2Yeah right , I mean anything Takes , takes a minute , you can tell well , you should be able to tell when I'm like moving my body towards you or I'm literally taking your hand and putting it inside of me , right , you know that it's time , but don't like put your mouth over my clit and then shove your fingers in my vagina , right , right , like it's cold and not ready . I mean nobody , nobody wants that . No , I think so . That would be a faux pas for me .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's interesting . I , I like , I like the the idea of Using hands and tongue externally at the same time .
Speaker 1I don't think that's something that's happened often in my experience , but I definitely need . So I'll never forget Was in college one year , who knows , I was dating the sky , who happened to live here in Portland I did not and he went down on me for the first time and he was looking all around , like on my lips and around them , but never getting to the clip , and like I would even like shift my hips to like put my clip and he would move and I was like I was so did he not know where it was ? Well , that's what I thought at first . And then finally I was like you know my clips right here and he so he had been with a woman whose Clit was so sensitive . She did not like him like Licking it at all , so he thought that was a no-no .
Speaker 1I Am the opposite , like I need a lot of stimulation . I need a lot of stimulation on the clip and just in general To get me to where I need to be to have an orgasm . And I was just kind of blown away at . Well , I was very young at the time and it was my first conversation with with a partner who had said that I didn't realize that some women cannot handle clitoral stimulation like it's actually painful to them . So I think that's kind of one of the most important things to find out right out the gate , like , how do you feel about clitoral stimulation ? Yeah , because apparently and I don't know what the percentage is , but Can't be that high , right .
Speaker 2I ? I think it's hard to say because I think you probably need more clitoral stimulation than I do , like I'm somewhere in the middle and then also like too much wetness is too much wetness I have . But some people are like fucking , like poor the KY jelly on me you know Like right now and I'm like I can't really feel it when you do that . There needs to be more friction and so , like , always have a towel around and be comfortable to like do the practical aspects of sex .
Speaker 2Right right and wiper away , or let me you know .
Speaker 1Hold on , just let me mop it up down there a little bit .
Speaker 2Well , yeah , but that's that's part of the fun of it is like being playful and like it's fumbling and like having an experience with something that isn't all about Sensuality , you know . Well , maybe that's the wrong word , but like I feel like eroticism is being able to Throw a , throw your inhibitions to the wind , and not just and not trying to be like a victorious secret model . Are you back in some way and just like looking sexy , looking whatever is Deemed sexy , but like really truly living in the sexiness that is like your experience and right , right , being open enough to have that experience with someone else .
Speaker 1I have to say , like one of the things I do find very frustrating this is is when people get into the like I'm not into the slow , like slowly getting down there , like when I'm ready to have someone go down on me and like I want them down there . I'm not into the kissing like the inner thighs and like like trying to like that it's annoying . I'm just like get , get there , like yeah , and I know that that that must have been something at some point in time . That was sort of a thing , because it happens so often .
Speaker 2I think it's something we see in the movies , right ? Yeah , and when I was speaking earlier about that , I am not somebody who's like kissing around the thighs or whatever . It's more of just like a yeah , I don't know why I do it . It's kind of like from making out to kissing . I think that's . I think that's that's okay but it's not like I like . Let me play around your thighs and pretend like I'm like .
Speaker 1I will say that I have had women tell me that they hate it when people go straight for the vagina .
Speaker 2Yeah , so I think I think that's a safe approach .
Speaker 1I Think it's a safe approach to go from kissing to like Kissing the lips to the like chest also . Then you get some time with boobs and some people hate it . I don't tell you that .
Speaker 2Well , maybe my partner , my last female partner , and she I like . I'm really into tits , but I don't like you when people suck my nipples at all and I fucking hate that shit , unless I'm Already turned on , like all the way turned on , and you're going down on me or you're fucking me , and then I bring your hands to my tits . Don't touch them . Wow , it annoys me . Do you tell people that you yeah ?
Speaker 1I do really got to say my partner's now . Way before , way before . Is that something like you're going ? You go into a sexual .
Speaker 2No , you're like not always . Sometimes like they already they go through with it . And then I have to be like hey , stop . Or after the fact I'll say hey , stop . And that was the case with my last female partner . I was like really into her nipples and she was like I'm actually not into that at all and I'm like okay , cool , you know it's not like it doesn't ruin my experience like Obama .
Speaker 2I like now I don't have this like part of me that I get to like . You know , it's just like that's who you are . We can still fuck and it's fine , right .
Speaker 1Um , I think . But yeah , I was also . I was someone who , like I , didn't care if someone was into boot play , but I didn't get anything out of it when I was younger . But in the last couple of years I've been a really into having my nipples played with and sucked on . I'm like , what is that like out of the blue that just changed for me . And then something else that really has to do with Clitoral sex , just what we're talking about . I have recently Come to realize and this is actually in the last couple of months I am blessed , blessed with a partner who loves to spend a long time Down there and so I've gotten a lot of time to kind of explore .
Speaker 1Instead of just like being like , okay , my partner's gone down and I I take a long time to orgasm . So instead of feeling stressed about , okay , now he's going down , I need to come soon . Think dirty fucking thoughts , net . Think you're dirty as fucking thought I'm able to just kind of like relax and receive pleasure and like feel it . And and I have Realize that , once my body is excited and someone's going down on me , if you start to touch anywhere else , like from on my stomach to my breasts or even just around , like when the hair should be but is not currently- Pelvic bone , pelvic bone yeah , very scientific of you .
Speaker 1I get super fucking turned out like that heightens my suddenly whatever level of excited I am like amplifies and can like almost bring me to an organ .
Speaker 2Anything can once you're at that place , right yeah ?
Speaker 1I don't know , I've
never . This was a new thing because I had realized that most of the time when people went down on me , I felt stressed because I knew it was going to take a while and I know , from going down on someone who takes a while , there's only so long you can hang in there for .
Speaker 1If you're thinking about it like that and it sounds like you've been sort of like conditioned- Well , I'm thinking about going down on men like I can only like suck your cock for so long and then I get locked jaw and it's not very fun .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I mean that's people's prerogative . They get to be like I'm done with this .
Speaker 1Right .
Speaker 2Maybe you're not , I'm done , so we need to move on to something else . I'm very empathetic towards .
Speaker 1But again , when you find , like some people , like I , can go down on someone forever , like a woman forever , I love , I love giving oral sex to a woman , and to men as well . For sure , that's not what we're talking about , but I can go down for quite , quite a while . That's just a newer opportunity where I've really gotten to explore receiving the sensation . Yeah that's awesome . It's fucking good .
Speaker 1So good . So , hey , it's time for a drink , because we haven't been drinking this whole time . We need to acknowledge there are different ways to approach giving oral sex . You can go in for the kill . You go down , you get to work . You put your tongue on the clit , you put your mouth down there , you get going . You had brought up earlier in the podcast about making circles with your tongue , or figure eight , let's , let's talk about that . I thought that was . I thought that was very , you know , specific of you .
Speaker 2So we should . There's different things that you can do . I mean , obviously , different patterns . I think circular is good because you're not focusing on the center of the clit , which is like literally the most sensitive for most people , and so if you go around , it's kind of like creating a generalized sensation and like a figure eight does something similar . I also think it's smart to kind of think about the clit as like a small penis , because that's sort of what it is and you can like suck it , suck it the way that you suck , I'm going to put in a vote for a second on the clip .
Speaker 1I think very few people realize that's a technique and it's fucking amazing .
Speaker 2Yeah , you can suck it . You can even like rub your lips over the top of it , you can . What else can you do ? You can like do like hard tongue . You can do slow tongue , depending on what your like you know abilities are with your tongue . You can sort of make like a little like blanket over it . You can move back and forth between two different techniques . So sucking it and like like you can get your hands involved .
Speaker 2Yeah yeah , you can like put your mouth over it and then have your like fingers going inside your mouth on top of it , Like wow , there's a lot of things that you think that's a new . There you go , there's a lot of things you can do .
Speaker 1So I think , I think that you might need to like write up a list .
Speaker 2I'm an amateur . You can also like use your fingers and like have it in between your two fingers and go up and down . Wait , what . Like the clip is in between . Oh , you put your two fingers around it and you go up and down and then have your tongue on top of it . Wow , you can pinch it . You can like kind of like jack it off with your fingers , you can .
Speaker 1I know that I've ever had that happen .
Speaker 2There's a lot of things you can do with it . Just you know , having fun and also it's not . While you're willing to be experimental , you also need to be willing to get feedback . So oftentimes people will like who don't really know like what they're into . Or even if they do know what they're into specifically , they want to like try different things . So they may say you know , go for it and you can try things . But if your partner is like okay , that like hurts or that's like not enough pressure or too much pressure , you have to be like resilient and like here and hear that and be okay and not interpret it as like rejection or one of the other things that I think that I think was mentioned in the podcast we did .
Speaker 1I think it was what women wish men would stop doing in bed .
Someone was like switch it up . You know , like do one thing for and then switch it the fuck up . Yeah yeah , this is a tricky one . First of all , if you're only doing one thing the whole time you go down on someone , you're doing it wrong .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Like nobody .
Speaker 2Unless they specifically asked .
Speaker 1That's right , I was going to say nobody . I'm sure there are some people that are like , just do this . Generally speaking , though , you'll start to lose sensation If only one technique is being used . You got to like switch it up a little bit , but if you switch it up and your partner like reacts negatively , go directly back to whatever you were doing , because they were likely close to orgasming . But yeah , I think sometimes I've gotten frustrated because I'm like , oh , you've been doing that and doing this one , you know , like any new sensation , and there are so many different techniques out there that you can use . I also am a big fan of like penetration with fingers once . I'm excited that , especially if you know where a G spot is , if you don't still search it out , search it out while you're down there , you know or ask your partner right .
Speaker 1Also , you can , while orally pleasuring your partner , you can insert a finger in both the vagina and the anus .
Speaker 2That's the best .
Speaker 1Like if someone can get me to the point where they can do that and have all that going on at the same time , that's like it's really good , that's some good that's some good .
Speaker 2Genuinely the best .
Speaker 1Yeah yeah . It's definitely something you need to get a green light on . Also , I think a lot of us like to . We like to think of ourselves like I'm a good fucking lay .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm a great lay .
Speaker 1I'm really good at giving head and the reality is you might be an amazing lay for someone and the worst lay ever for someone else and I think , like when you start to define yourself that way and think I've got these moves that work and you just carbon copy them to every partner you have , you're Going to be disappointing somebody .
Speaker 2But you can also have a growth mindset about it . Like you identify as somebody who's a good lay , then you can become an ever-better lay right by being receptive to feedback right and .
Speaker 1Learning new things .
Speaker 2So this is something , this is some way you really , really want to identify Right then , have a growth mindset .
Speaker 1You know right it growth mindset . Hey guys , it's not just about business . Having a growth mindset Can we just talk about like here's a cheers having growth mindset when it comes to being a good lay .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Cheers to that . I kind of want to . I need a real refill . I can give you a refill .
Speaker 2Do you want some ice ?
Speaker 1Mm-hmm , I really like this drink . Oops , oh , that's water . I .
Speaker 2Might give that back to you . Let me do this , I'll do it for them . Do you care if I use my fingers ? You ?
Speaker 1Can use your fingers . I love the way you ask for consent there . That is what you know , what you just gave our listeners a Real or a ? Real life example of how to ask for consent . Do you mind if I use my fingers , you just use those fingers . Here's to fingers . Any last thoughts ? I mean there's . So we could go on and on talking about oral sex and what Needs to happen .
Speaker 2Yeah , I would say a great place to start is To have a general understanding of , like the anatomy of whatever partner be able to Speak directly . Start like the conversation before you're in the sack and Get a sense of like how your partner communicates and like what they're into . And then practice like communicating in the sack . Have resilience when somebody like gives feedback and when you are giving feedback , try to give it in a way that's sexy and Experience that moment as the fun Place . That doesn't have to be like black and white and perfect . Like they can stumble , we can fall , especially if you're Like having new partners a lot right , so like , have a growth mindset about it . And then like , yeah , like do some research , but I want to .
Speaker 1I want to speak to you , long-term partners , because I am I'm 47 years old and In the last year I've had new experiences from oral sex . I've been like oh , how is it that never happened before ? How is it I never noticed that before ? So I think you know like , read it , I don't even know .
Speaker 2I don't know . No , I was like yeah , like there's new books about different techniques . Watch YouTube videos . There's people out there and to try new things . Show them exactly what you're thinking .
Speaker 1You know , creative also , like you don't have to take it from somebody else , just be like hey , what if I do this , or you know what ?
Speaker 2can I try something new ?
Speaker 1or One thing we haven't talked about is like having your partner help , meaning Get more hands involved , or toys and your tongue I didn't even talk about that . That's one of my new favorite things is like Inserting like a toy that she loves While you're doing your various techniques . That . So there's a lot going on . Yeah , and , and we just brushed upon the butt , like we just brush , but I mean oral sex . Really , we , we are focusing on , like the vulva , the clitoris and the vagina , vaginal opening , the inside , but it really is that whole erotic area . There's that , there's , but Gooch , you gooch , wait .
Speaker 2Wait , what is ? Is that the place between ?
Speaker 1No man's land .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1The place between the two holes . It's also erotic for some people .
Speaker 2I haven't explored the whole entire hip area . Yeah , yeah , but yeah , and knowing like , the erogenous zones outside of the , the obvious ones . You know , and the level of pressure , like if you're like tickling your partner's neck and that's their erogenous zone while you're going down on them like that's .
Speaker 1With your hand , I mean .
Speaker 2Well , you're pretty sure , like that's just an example . Or if you're like sort of like grasping their hips or whatever it is like .
Speaker 2That's something to keep in mind , that general concept , right . So I mean one thing that I would say around like toys , is that there's a lot of toys coming out now that are focused on like re-creating what it feels like to be gone down on as a person who has a clip . Have you tried them ? Yeah , so there's different ones , right . So there's ones that flap , so to recreate the feeling of like up and down and up and down with the tongue . That's kind of hard and Sticking out . I'm not really into that .
Speaker 1Have you tried the toy ?
Speaker 2I have not tried that one because that's not really like the feeling that I like . The feeling that I like is more of like a encompassing , like pulsating feeling and .
Speaker 2I have one of those too , so yeah , and there's a lot of other ones that they have too that are like really cool , yeah , and it's awesome because , like , we're kind of thinking more along the lines of like out of the , Not the like heteronormative way of like fucking . Right , for those that are interested , there's a lot of sex toys that are coming out that aren't just like dildos , you know , or vibrators . There's things that are coming out that are really focusing on like recreating what it feels like To be sucked off .
Speaker 1I love that .
Speaker 2Here's to being sucked off .
Speaker 1God damn it . Cheers , cheers . Something really interesting I did find out in my research , because I spent quite a bit of time researching oral sex today and it was interesting to find out that Both men and this and I want to say this is a very heteronormative , like the studies that I was reading Was very sort of heteronormative cis type studies , right , but still , whatever , it gives us some information that men and women Equally go down on each other . There was , a while back , one study out of Canada that Was kind of claiming that there was what they were calling the oral sex gap , kind of like the orgasm gap , which was , it's , pretty false .
Speaker 1I'm Saying that more women gave oral sex than men , but the reality is what they've found , is it ? There's a lot of equality in that period . Men do tend to love to go down on women as Much as women go down on men , whether they love it or not . I mean , I think that's where some of the information came in , as like some women were going down on men Just because they felt like it was something they had to do . Yeah , which is unfortunate , because I think it can also be a very fun activity , but that is for a different . I definitely think maybe I should have you back for the I don't know what we'll call it , but part two , coxsucking . Yeah , yeah , I was right , you just out right out the gate . You had some good input on that , and I think oral sex is a very important part of I mean for people that enjoy it , but of a like a robust , rich sex life .
Speaker 2Yeah , so I'm very into sex life , for sure and varied sex life .
Speaker 1So so , listeners , if you are interested in finding out more about coxsucking and maybe eventually clit-licking , you want to stay tuned Because I am pretty sure that we will have some episodes coming up about that now . I do know , in fact , we have future episodes coming up that cover non monogamy and cover Sex and love . I know it sounds a bit boring , but it's not . It's not , it's a good topic . So stay tuned in the upcoming week for those topics . If you have a topic that you want discussed or you have comments on this episode because questions , critiques or things you want us to address We'll do a whole Additional episode . If you send in questions , then please send them to Annette . That's me a n n Ett at she explores life calm . I will get back to you .
Speaker 1Your questions may show up in our episodes . You have topics you want us to to make a whole podcast set of . We can do that . You can find us on Facebook at locker room talk and shots Podcast . I believe we also have a Group , a Facebook group you can join , and here's the cool thing about that . If you join that group , I will let you know what the upcoming podcast is about . I will let you submit questions that I will present during the podcast and we will answer . I will include your comments , you know , if they pass my radar my test for appropriate Comments .
Speaker 1But you'll get a say . There's a pretty wide .
Speaker 2I mean the thresholds pretty great .
Speaker 1So so , get on . If you're on social media , head over there and join our group . Um , it will give you a chance to to voice , have a voice in this conversation . So , um , I think we're down . Huh , we're not even on our lips .
Speaker 2Cheers .
Speaker 1So until next time we'll see you in the locker room .
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