Do the sex . Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Today's Masturbation Monday topic is 10 signs you are afraid of intimacy or dating someone who is . I often ask myself how did I get here ? I'm in another healing era and still trying to figure out how to move forward in my dating and love life without repeating the mistakes of the past . I mean , what's the point of dating someone new if I haven't fixed past patterns right ? Well , one thing I've discovered is that I , like so many other women , date people who are afraid of intimacy , and I crave deep intimacy when I'm in a partnership . Look , I love sex and orgasms and casual sex or friends with benefit . Sex can be fun , but it doesn't even come close to comparing to the type of sex you have when you are deeply connected with someone , and my masturbation practice has been a game changer for me these past couple of months , but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm starting to feel this deep yearning for a truly intimate connection with someone , but frankly , I don't even know if I'm capable of having one anymore , because I've recently started worrying that I've developed my own fear of intimacy after all of my experiences . Now this concern had me turning to the dating experts and research in an effort to figure out , first , if I'm truly developing a fear of intimacy so I can deal with it , and second , in the future I want to be able to identify if someone I'm considering dating has a fear of intimacy before I let myself deeply invest in them . So if you think you might have a fear of intimacy that's holding you back from having the type of relationship or sex you want , grab your coffee and get ready for the top 10 expert-backed signs that you're afraid of intimacy . I'm not going to lie . Some of them surprised me , so let's get ready to talk about intimacy . I'm not going to lie . Some of them surprised me , so let's get ready to talk about intimacy Cheers . Okay , let's just dive right into what the sex and relationship therapists are saying are the top 10 signs you have a fear of intimacy that is holding you back from having good relationships and great sex .
Speaker 1Number one you prioritize everything except for your relationship . You are a hard worker , you work all of the time . You are the best employee because you've got to bring home the money . You are the best mom or dad , and your kids always come first , no matter what , and you are committed to all of these extracurricular activities . You volunteer , you are a part of a sports league and your partner needs to understand that , that all of those things come first , that those things take priority , and that in their free time from all of those other things , then they have space for a relationship . And if you ask for more , then you are asking for them to stop being a good dad or mom , for them to stop being a good employee , for them to ditch out on their prior commitments . You see where I'm going with this . Does this sound familiar to you ? Do you do this ? Have you been with someone who does this ? Now , if you're in relationship with this person , you're like well , I'd be an asshole if I asked them to take time away from their kids or time away from work or from you know , working in the soup kitchen , just because I need more connection just because I need more intimacy . It's such an effective strategy to hold love at bay .
Number two you are a perfectionist . You do everything perfectly and you want everything done just so . Your life is regimented , you are disciplined and you need a partner who can live up to that . Your constant need for everything to be flawless spills over into your relationship , and so that person that you found to be perfect when you started dating them very quickly becomes imperfect and you start nitpicking them , you start seeing flaw in their actions and it creates dissatisfaction in a relationship . Because who can open up to someone who's picking them apart and telling them how they should be doing things better or how they're not doing things well enough ? Number three you sabotage relationships . This one , I felt , was just obvious , but then I thought to myself well , how would somebody even know if they're sabotaging a relationship ? Because I think most people don't know when they are sabotaging a relationship . So here are some things people do to sabotage relationships Emotional withdrawal from the relationship so a person who becomes distant , aloof and creates sort of this feeling of disconnection and leaves their partner feeling isolated and dissatisfied .
Speaker 1Manipulation tactics , guilt , tripping , gaslighting or playing mind games to control and undermine their partner's feelings and emotions . Infidelity Now this one is interesting because well , yes , it could be cheating . Emotional infidelity really ranks high on sabotaging behaviors . Meaning you are talking to someone else about your relationship in sort of unkind ways , telling them things that your partner wouldn't be comfortable with , creating this emotional bond with someone else in place of creating that bond with your partner , constantly criticizing your partner or belittling their actions or their self-esteem or things they're excited about . I think we call that negging in the dating world . Lack of communication . They want to communicate . No , you're not going to do it . So self-sabotaging , intentionally undermining the relationship or sabotaging opportunities for growth and happiness due to your own fears . Refusal to compromise no compromise . So either the person has to agree with you or that's it . No , go on the relationship . And stonewalling , completely shutting down , refusing to fix the problem , refusing to reach out and actually initiate fixing problems . So those are ways that people sabotage their relationship because they are afraid of intimacy .
Speaker 1Number three you have a history of short relationships and I will say this is a red flag for me right off the bat . If I'm going to be dating someone at my age and they have never had a long-term relationship . It's a red flag . But if you are over the age of 35 and dating over the age of 40 and dating , you're likely dating someone who's come out of a divorce . So how does this apply in those situations ? Well , you look at their dating history since their divorce and you can even ask them about their dating behavior prior to whatever their marriage was . But even more helpful , according to the experts , you can look at their friendships . So even in their friendships , they don't tend to have really deep friendships . They have acquaintances , but not like really deep bonds with other people . And so there's another way to kind of look at like their ability to connect or your own ability to connect , because this is something that you do . Look at your friendship group around you , look at your dating patterns . If you are out of a marriage , start looking at what happened before and now .
Speaker 1How are you treating dating ? Number five is you have a difficulty expressing feelings , and it's not just expressing feelings . You have a hard time accessing your feelings and then articulating them to someone else , which hinders your ability to communicate with your partner and connect with your partner . Now , this can stem sometimes just simply from lack of self-awareness , which is frustrating as hell , because we should all be working on being more self-aware , and it also can result from childhood trauma . So how does this manifest ? How can you tell if you're doing it or your partner is doing it ? First of all , you will feel uncomfortable when they're asking you about your feelings , and instead of telling them about your feelings , you will either resort to silence or really vague responses you keep them in the gray . So , likewise , you will either resort to silence or really vague responses you keep them in the gray . So , likewise , if you are trying to talk to someone about their feelings and they're being silent or vague , or skirting the conversation or trying to withdraw from it , it's a good sign that they have a fear of intimacy .
Speaker 1Number six you prefer rejection or loss to vulnerability . Now , you may not know that this is what you're doing , but you have basically decided from the beginning that it's not going to work out . On some level , you're like something's going to go wrong with this , something is wrong with this , and so , instead of allowing yourself to be vulnerable , allowing yourself to love and let go and be present and really go all in on the relationship , you start using it as a defense mechanism to protect yourself and the pain of losing a partner that you love . So this is where you start doing the sabotaging behaviors . This is where you start pulling away . This is where you start doing things to destroy the relationship from the inside out .
Speaker 1Number seven you nitpick and fault find in your partners . So you actively seek out issues with your partner and often resort to nitpicking over trivial matters as a way to create distance . This tendency intensifies as the relationship deepens , serving as a defense mechanism against vulnerability . Consequently , you convince yourself that you are discontent with the minor aspects of your partner , attributing blame to insignificant details like their hairstyle or eating habits , or how they clean or what kind of TV shows they like to watch stuff like that and you use those little flaws as a reason to be reluctant to engage emotionally with them and to put time and effort into the relationship .
Speaker 1Sign number eight you avoid commitment . You constantly are expressing your hesitation or reluctance when it comes to making future plans or commitments . You avoid discussions about exclusivity or long-term goals , and this can happen at any point in a relationship where there would be movement and growth . Basically , when it comes to one of those growth moments , you avoid having the conversation , you pull back or you abandon . Number nine you overemphasize and hyper-focus on physical intimacy . This one kind of got me . I take this one a little bit personally . Basically , people who are afraid of emotional intimacy rely heavily on physical closeness as a means of connection . While you might demonstrate comfort and enthusiasm for sex and cuddling and kissing , you struggle to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship . In fact , if you are fixated on physical intimacy and sex , you may be using it as a substitute for emotional connection . It's a way to distract from deeper emotional issues and to distract from deeper emotional issues and being truly vulnerable with somebody .
Speaker 1Number 10 , our final one you are secretive about your true feelings . Now , this could be that you are secretive about having big feelings , feelings of love , where you downplay them and hide them . Or it could be that you're upset about something or you want something different in order for your needs to get met . But instead of verbalizing them and being clear about them , you are quiet and engage in passive , aggressive behavior . So passive , aggressive behavior , and basically some of the reasons why people are secretive about things , who are afraid of intimacy , is they are afraid that if they verbalize them , they won't be able to manage expectations . Someone will want more from them and they're ready to give . They want expectations to stay low and manageable , and the result of this , when this happens in a relationship that is allowed to go on and on , is that you can end up being with someone for a very long time and still feel like you are strangers , at least in some capacity , because your intimacy is basically superficial . How sad . Well , guys , that's it . Those are the 10 top signs that you , or someone you are dating , is afraid of intimacy .
Speaker 1I'm curious to hear what you think about these 10 signs . Do they resonate with you ? Do you disagree with them ? Are you clearly described by one of them ? But insist that you are emotionally available ? Because I'll tell you what . Right now , you are emotionally available because I'll tell you what . Right now , women , especially , are not dating men because men aren't doing the work they need to do to be able to emotionally connect with women and be deeply connected , have and forge truly intimate relationships . Obviously , the next step to this is discovering what to do now that you know that you're afraid of intimacy , how to heal that so that you can have the kind of relationship and sex that you want and deserve . I will be getting an expert in to have that conversation . So send me your questions , your comments and your thoughts to Annette A-N-N-E-T-T-E at sheexploreslifecom . So until next time , guys . Cheers , I'll see you in the locker room . Ring loop .