do the sex . Welcome to Masturbation Monday with me , annette Benedetti , your host for Locker Room Talk and Chats . This is your invitation to join me for coffee in bed and a candid conversation about the masturbation practice I'm developing to support my mental , physical and emotional health and help manifest my dreams . Masturbation Monday is a guide to self-pleasure , better sex and using the power of the pussy to open new doors to a better life . Today's Masturbation Monday is all about how to start feeling sexy again after you've lost your mojo , your spark , maybe even your libido . Now there could be a lot of reasons for a dip in this area of your life . It could be that you're just coming out of a very difficult divorce or breakup . It could be that you're struggling in your professional life and that's where you get a lot of your self-worth from . Or , especially if you're a woman , it could be that you're going through hormonal fluctuations . Women oftentimes experience a loss of feeling sexy and sexuality around pregnancy and childbirth and after and when they're going through perimenopause and menopause . As an intimacy and sex coach , I have people reaching out to me every day , all day long , saying they just don't feel sexy or sexual anymore . So you're not alone . But why prioritize feeling sexy or your sexual energy ? It's a great question . And how do you even go about getting your sexy back ? Well , we are going to be going over all that and more .
Speaker 1Today , I am going to be talking to you about what feeling sexy really even is and why you should nurture it , and then I'm going to share the top six things I did this year to get my sexy back . That's right . This year , I've gone through my own journey of losing my feeling sexy and getting it back , so that it has now not only arrived , but it is thriving . So join me for a coffee in bed and let's get ready to talk about getting sexy Cheers . So the first thing we have to talk about when we're talking about getting your sexy back is that sexy is an inside job . Those feelings of sexiness now I'm going to talk about what they are Do not come from the outside . A lover can't give them to you . Attention from others doesn't give it to you . Sexiness is something you are going to create for yourself . I know for many of us , this is going to be a hard concept to accept . How many times have you said oh , my partner makes me feel sexy . The way that person looks at me makes me feel sexy , or you've just looked for other people to check you out or give you attention . That verifies that you're sexy . While it feels wonderful for others to point out and acknowledge our sexiness , it exists with or without their attention , and it can supercharge our lives and , even better , we can build it from the inside out .
Speaker 1So what is sexiness ? You may think you know , but do you really ? Let's first start with what sexiness is not . Your sexiness is not your libido . It can influence your libido , it can make you want to have sex , but sexiness and your libido are not the same thing . You can feel sexy and not even be in the mood to have sex . I want to stop and make a quick note here . If you are having problems with your libido , it's important that you go and have a discussion with your doctor or care provider about that and make sure that there's not some underlying health issue that needs to be dealt with . But again , you can feel sexy regardless of whether or not your libido or your desire for physical penetration and orgasm and sexual interaction exists .
Speaker 1So what is sexiness ? Well , I've put together a definition I am going to read to you that is going to really help guide this full conversation and your path back to being one sexy ass bitch . Feeling sexy is a felt energetic state of self-awareness , confidence and empowerment in one's body and personal expression . It's a sensation of being connected to your own physicality , sensuality and attractiveness that stems from internal self-esteem . This feeling can arise from a combination of self-love , body positivity , emotional well-being and a connection to one's own desires . It transcends appearance alone and is deeply tied to how a person perceives their worth , uniqueness and ability to engage with their own sensuality or sexuality in a comfortable , joyful and empowered way . So there it is . But why is this important , you might ask Again , why bother nurturing it ?
Speaker 1Well , again , why bother nurturing it ? Well , sexuality and sexual energy is a core aspect of human identity and when we are disconnected from our sexuality and sensuality or sexiness , it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction , depression , a lack of ability to attach to others . That can even conjure feelings of deep anxiety and worry and concern . Reclaiming your sense of sexiness is going to help you increase your confidence . It has been shown to improve emotional resilience and to help people feel more connected to not only themselves but to others . Additionally , disconnect in this area of your life can affect other areas of your life . It can lead to low motivation , which can affect your job performance , your employment , your money . It can create poor body self-image , which affects your relationships . It can also lead to higher stress levels , which has been shown to release cortisol into your body and affect your overall health .
Speaker 1Reconnecting to your sexuality , your sexual self-esteem and your feelings of sensual self restores balance to your whole life . If you've been listening to my podcast for any time now , you know that I believe and promote and so many of the experts I interview agree as well that our sensual selves are intertwined with every other aspect of our sense of self . When you lose your relationship with your essential self , your whole self is going to be off balance . The following six things are things that I have personally integrated into my life this year upon having found discovered that I had really just lost my sexy , and these things have become part of my regular , daily , weekly , monthly practice , and I am confident that if you start incorporating them into your life , you're going to be able to get your sexy back fast .
One of the first things I want you to do on your path to getting your sexy back is to identify and embody what feeling sexy means and feels like to you , and a great way to do this is through meditation and breath work , and here is how you're going to do it . You can do this at any time of day , but a really good time of day to do it is in the morning , when you're still in bed . If you have to wake up 15 minutes early , and before you even pop up and go and get your coffee , I want you to lay and relax in some comfy position and close your eyes . You're going to start tuning into your breath and then I want you to go back to a moment in your mind where you felt your sexiest , where you walked into a room and you just felt like you owned it with your sexiness , where you felt confident and beautiful and sensual in your body .
Speaker 1Really , break it down and take note . Were you feeling bold and strong and confident , moving with power , or were you liquid and sensual in how you moved across the room ? What were you wearing ? What were the clothes that adorned your body that made you feel sexy ? Were they light and flowy ? Were they tight and revealing ? What did you smell like ? Were you wearing a certain scent ? What did your skin feel like ? Do you use lotion or body oils that make you shine . I want you to really tap into that moment , slide into that skin , feel like what it feels like to be that person again , and when you capture it , noting all the details , I want you to use your breath to inhale that feeling up through your core .
Speaker 1I like to create a circular motion in my mind with my breathing . So if you are on my YouTube at Talk Sex with Annette , I can demonstrate with my hands the direction of the flow . But as I breathe in , I am pulling the energy up through my yoni , my pussy , my sexual parts , up and into my mouth and then I'm letting that sexually empowered energy pour out and down and over me . And that is the breathing exercise we're going to do . As long as you can hold on to that sensual version of yourself , you're going to inhale the energy up and in , up through your yoni , up , so it fills your lungs , comes into your throat , comes out of your mouth and it just pours down and out and all over you . So you literally feel like you are bathing yourself in your own sexual sensual power . If you can do this for five or 10 minutes , it is going to make a difference in your day . Try and hold on to that feeling as you get up and move , to grab your coffee and go and take an actual shower . Embodying that sexy self is going to be a great way to start your day and , yeah , it may not stick with you . If you are really just in sort of a raw place in your life where feeling sexy just seems so challenging , it's okay , you don't have to force it , but we're going to try and tap into it at least a little bit every day .
Speaker 1Step number two to bringing your sexy back is going to be taking some of the aspects from our embodied meditation practice into our daily self-care practice . So , number one , if you haven't been feeling sexy , you need to sort of take note of your self-care overall . Are your basics in place ? Are you getting up and brushing your teeth every day and taking a shower and doing sort of the bare minimum to do your self-care ? That's most important . That is groundwork that has to be there . But our next step , if all those things are being taken care of , is to start integrating some of the things that we discovered in our meditation . So you should have been taking note of , like , the clothes you're wearing when you feel super sexy , what your skin felt like , what your scent was , all of those things , and then you can bring them into your daily self-care practice . You can start with something as small
as so .
Speaker 1For me , scent was a really big thing and I started integrating perfume . A daily splash of perfume , perfume . A daily splash of perfume cologne . I happen to love and use Eye of Love pheromone perfumes . I also decided to use them because I felt like adding the pheromone aspect might boost my confidence . In fact , the one that I use is called Confidence by Eye of Love , and it's designed specifically to make you feel more confident , whether that's in bed or out in the professional world . I am very sensitive and reactive to scents , so this was powerful for me . Just putting one spritz on a day , I just felt a little bit sexier . I also love having super soft skin . For me , that feels sexy . I went out and I got some lotion that I love that's lightly scented .
Speaker 1Now turn your attention to your clothing , and I'm not just talking about style , I'm talking about the material your clothing is made out of . What materials feel sexy against your skin ? What materials , what clothing pieces make you feel more at home in your body ? If you have clothes you are wearing that make you feel uncomfortable . They're tight in areas you don't want them to be tight . They're bagging in areas that just make you look frumpy , Get rid of them . If you get down to just two or three outfits that you feel sexy and good and confident in and comfortable , stick with those and build from there Everything you do to take care of yourself , put attention to what makes you feel good and sexy and know that you deserve going above and beyond the basics . So we're going to level up your self care practices and we can start with one thing at a time , but go back to that meditation practice and pull out one or two things that really made you feel sexy and start integrating them into your daily self care practice . The third thing that we're going to do and this is not going to surprise you at all is we are going to start integrating a daily self-pleasure practice that is going to help us bring our sexy back . This practice is all about you . It's all for you . There's no one else you're answering to . I am going to ask for you to designate at least 10 minutes a day to a self-pleasure practice .
Speaker 1Now , yes , I am talking about quote masturbation but it doesn't have to include your genitals . This is literally just indulging in sensual self-pleasure . If you are in a place in your life where you just are not comfortable with the genital touching , that's okay . Your practice can consist of taking your clothes off , laying in bed Maybe you feel like you need covers on or uncovered . You can use your own fingers to run up and down your flesh for some sensual touch , just like getting that nice , soft , sexy touch . You can run it over your arms , your neck and your chest , your breasts , your nipples , whatever you feel comfortable with , and then slowly work up to a pleasure practice that maybe it's just a light touch over . If you are a vulva owner , light touch over your labia , your clit . You don't even have to really get into playing with it if you don't want to . You can just wake it up a little and just allow your body to indulge in pleasure .
Speaker 1Now , as you go along and start feeling more comfortable with this pleasure practice , you can build up . You can add in maybe sensations you haven't tried before . I love pleasure , air tech I've got the Womanizer next chair in my hand . I love the little sucky , blowy feeling it gives . It gives little puffs of air , and you don't even have to use this on your clit . You can use it on your nipples , but you can also just set it in between your legs and enjoy sort of the air , the puffs of air and the vibes that come off of it .
Speaker 1This self-pleasure practice is all about you . You get to decide where you get touched , where you touch yourself , what you touch yourself with , how long it takes place . You don't have to orgasm at all . There's no pressure to orgasm . You're not with a lover who's wanting you to come and asking you when that's going to happen . It's all about you .
Speaker 1I would recommend , as time goes on on your self-pleasure practice , to turn it into an exploratory practice , because this is your opportunity to really get to know what areas of your body make you feel sexy feel sexy to touch and be touched that's right . What areas of your body feel sexy when you touch them , Like you're going to turn yourself on with your own touch , and what areas of your body feel good when they're being touched . You are making love to yourself . You are falling in love and making love to yourself , and that's what this practice is going to be about . The fourth thing you're going to do to bring your sexy back is start a mirror practice . Now , there are lots of different ways this has been done , but I'm going to keep it simple for you , especially if you're in the throes of really not feeling sexy . I want to keep it basic .
Speaker 1Every morning , my mirror practice is this I wake up , I get naked and I stand in the mirror and I look at myself and I look over my body . I turn from side to side and do a full inspection and I admire my favorite parts . The very first thing I do is recognize how much I love my ass or how nice my tummy looks today . Whatever it is . I find beauty in parts that I just find easy to find beautiful that day , and sometimes it changes . Some days I'm like , oh , my belly looks bloated . And when those feelings and thoughts arrive , I welcome them and I'm gentle with them and then I deal with them right . So if you find yourself looking at your stomach and you're like , oh yuck , instead say wow , it's hard today , it's hard to love you today , but you are lovable and you are beautiful and I accept you because you're my body and I'm beautiful , and change your language . You can change the nasty things you say to yourself , acknowledge them , legitimize their existence and then change the language you're using to be gentle and loving to yourself , and you're going to do this every morning . For me , it's literally like a five minute practice . Tops , it happens real quick on my way to the bathroom , but I never miss a moment in the mirror in the morning .
Speaker 1The fifth thing you're going to do to bring your sexy back and it's very closely related to the last one is you're going to start taking pics . You're going to start taking sexy pics . Now you don't have to do them naked , but you are going to spend some time in the camera and you don't have to do this every day . I would suggest twice a week when you're just . You know you're you're feeling kind of at your best for the week , or maybe you have a cute outfit on , or maybe you have a cute outfit on , or maybe you have cute underwear on . You're going to start a relationship with your camera on your phone and you're going to take time to see what angles you like . How can you stand or pose in a way that highlights some aspect of your body that you do love ? That does look a little sexy , that you do love ? That does look a little sexy .
Speaker 1If you are struggling to find any pictures that you feel good about , maybe look for sources of inspiration . Go and find a photo that you think is a really sexy photo of someone with a body like yours . Try that pose , try different lighting . Try to find some area of your body that you like to capture a picture of . Maybe it's your face . Maybe you really like the angle of your nose . Maybe you think you have cute feet People are into that . Maybe you love your hands or your neck I don't care what it is . But you're going to start taking pictures that are sexy of yourself or some aspect of yourself . Try and find one or two photos a week that capture that little sexiness you found in yourself .
Speaker 1That week exercises in getting my sexy back was finding movement that felt sensual , that supported my sexiness and just felt good . Now you might think this means writhing around in some way . That's overtly sexy , but that's not true . What it meant for me is I used to be a runner and then I started walking and listening to music that sparked sort of romantic , sexy aspects in my brain and allowed me to dip back into that meditation about sexiness or to have sexy fantasies while I walked and I integrated movement with sexy music and that was sensual movement for me . For a while I also decided dancing really felt good to me , so I'd put on my favorite songs and just move my body in ways that felt good . I decided to take classes and that was super fun . But if you're in a place where A you have the money or time for that , or you just don't want to be around other people moving in ways that are sexy to you , that's fine . Do it at home . There are tons of online resources for sensual movement . It could be yoga that feels sexy to you . It could just be turning on your favorite music for one song a day and moving your body .
Speaker 1Movement is so important to reconnecting with your body , with your essential self . The path back to feeling sexy is a path back to yourself , and doing that through movement , through meditation , through breath work , through self-care , through self-pleasure , is going to be the best way to fast track starting to feel good , sexually empowered and attractive again Now . At first , these six exercises may not make much sense to you , like you may not see how they are going to bring your sexy back , but as you do them again and again , what you're going to see is you are recreating a relationship with your sensual self . You are re-embodying that person and claiming them for yourself . The ways in which you are bringing your sexy back have nothing to do with anyone else . They only have to do with you and you finding beauty and worth within yourself , you investing in yourself .
Speaker 1Oftentimes , when we don't feel sexy or we lose our sexy , it's because we have put lots of energy into other people and it hasn't been reciprocated , or we put so much energy into other people we haven't had time or the ability to put it back into ourselves . Reclaiming your sexy is going to demand that you give to yourself as much as you give to others , that you acknowledge your worth and worthiness of the attention , the time , the money , the resources that you give to others . Sometimes it might even mean that you give a little less to others while you give back to yourself , because once you are fully reconnected with your essential self , your sexy energy , you are going to be more abundant and more able to give to others at a higher capacity than you can . When you're in this place and you're going to feel good about it , your days are going to end feeling fulfilled and nourished and whole , and they're going to begin feeling empowered and excited about life . So I would love to hear from you . If you decide to embark on this little challenge and start with my six practices . Let me know what you think .
Speaker 1If you have any questions about regaining your sexy , how to do it , why you should do it , how you can take it to the next level , or perhaps if you feel like this is beyond where you're ready to start today , I'd like to know . You can reach out to me at Annette . At TalkSexWithAnnettecom . You can scroll down and leave a voice note on my speak pipe . You can leave a message in the comment section of this video . I'd be happy to answer your questions . Also , if you are looking for someone to coach you through getting your sexy back , I'm here for you and excited to embark on that journey with my listeners and with anybody who's looking for some one-on-one support . All right , folks , that's it for now . So until next time , I'll see you in the locker room . Cheers , thank you .